I SEE THIS EXPERIENCE AS BEING BORN AGAIN. [ BREATHES HEAVILY ]
BORN INTO THE WORLD, FROM THE
WORLD ITSELF.
AND I DON'T KNOW.
THERE'S JUST SOMETHING KIND OF
BEAUTIFUL ABOUT THAT.
NOT A RELIGIOUS THING -- I...
DON'T DIE.
DON'T DIE. DON'T DIE.
DON'T DIE.
DON'T DIE --
[ HEAVY BREATHING ]
[ GRUNTS ] [ SEAT BELT CLICKS ]
[ GRUNTS ]
Okay...Okay...Okay.
Okay.
Fucking kidding me.
[ RADIO STATIC ]
[ STATIC STOPS ]
It's gonna work. [ KEYS JINGLE ] It's gonna work.
It's gonna work.
[ ENGINE SPUTTERING ]
RIGHT NOW. FUCK!
[ RUMBLING ]
Okay. Maybe this... MAYBE THIS IS SOME KIND OF A FUCKING JOKE, MAN.
This can't possibly be
happening.
Okay, maybe it's happening, but
it's -- It's not happening the
way that I think it's happening.
It's just -- It's not happening
the way that I think it's
happening.
[ SIGHS ] [ Chuckling ] YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
[ RUMBLING ]
[ RUMBLING QUIETS ]
Okay, I got to think this out. I took the morning. I skimmed through the marketing
research.
I was gonna go meet the client
for lunch.
I was driving, got my car, I was
on the phone, was talking to
Terry.
Was it raining?
I can't remember.
Jesus Christ.
OKAY, I'M RECORDING. [ SIGHS ] SO, UM...
I'VE STARTED TALKING TO MYSELF,
WHICH I TAKE AS A BAD SIGN IN
JUST ABOUT ANY SITUATION.
SO, I DECIDED THAT I'M GONNA
ADDRESS MY PHONE.
HELLO.
UH...I GUESS -- I GUESS I'M
THINKING THAT A DISASTER LIKE
THIS WOULD LEAD TO SOME KIND OF
A PUBLIC RESPONSE.
I THINK IT WOULD HAVE TO.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE QUESTION,
WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE?
IT'S 15, 20 MINUTES TO CALL IT
IN, HALF AN HOUR TO DISPATCH.
I MEAN, IT WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE
THAT LONG.
IT'S PROBABLY ONLY A COUPLE OF
FEET OF DIRT.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S 1:48 IN THE
AFTERNOON.
I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN DOWN HERE
FOR AN HOUR -- I'M FINE.
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I'M FINE.
YOU'RE FINE.
EVERYBODY'S FINE.
[ TONGUE CLICKS ]
I JUST GOT TO WAIT -- JUST GOT
TO WAIT.
NOTHING TO DO BUT WAIT.
[ RUMBLING ] [ RUMBLING STOPS ]
[ SIGHS ]
[ RUSTLING ]
YOU KNOW, MOTHER NATURE JUST CAME BY FOR A LITTLE, UNEXPECTED VISIT, SO...
Fantastic.
HOW WOULD I SELL MUD, I WONDER.
OH, MY GOD.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I AM STUCK
DOWN HERE, AND TERRY GOT TO GO
TO THE MEETING, AND HE PROBABLY
FUCKED IT UP.
I got to get out of here.
[ CREAKING ]
Okay, that can't be good.
[ SIGHS ] YEP. YOU ARE SLOWLY TILTING TO THE
LEFT, AREN'T YOU?
[ WHIRRING ]
[ CHUCKLES LIGHTLY ]
OW! FUCKER.
WHERE ARE YOU?!
[ Panting ] THAT'S 20. THAT'S 20% -- OR 21% OR... OR...
OR SOMETHING.
AND THE...REST IS NITROGEN AND
TRACES OF OTHER SHIT, LIKE...
HYDROGEN AND CARBON DIOXIDE.
THAT'S WHY THEY SAY IT'S LIKE
THE SILENT KILLER.
IT'S THE CO2 THAT KILLS.
I'M LIKE THE FUCKING BLOB.
WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE
STEVE McQUEEN?
STEVE McQUEEN WOULD HAVE FOUND A
WAY OUT OF THIS BY NOW.
STEVE McQUEEN WOULD ALREADY BE
UP ON THE SURFACE, AT A BAR,
HAVING A DRINK AND A SMOKE AND A
LAUGH.
I'M DOWN HERE STUCK, BECAUSE I
WANTED TO MOVE TO CALIFORNIA.
FUCK.
[ GASPING ]
WHY DID I MOVE TO CALIFORNIA --
WHERE THERE ARE MUDSLIDES,
APPARENTLY?!
MUDSLIDES.
THERE ISN'T EVEN ANY FUCKING
WATER IN CALIFORNIA, AND THERE
ARE MUDSLIDES!
OH, FUCK.
THERE'S NO WATER.
IT'S A GODDAMN, GLORIFIED
DESERT, BUT WHEN THE WATER
COMES, HOLD ON TO YOUR ASS,
EVERYBODY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA
GET FUCKED IN IT!
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU, CALIFORNIA.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING
RAISINS.
I MEAN, WHAT A STUPID AD
CAMPAIGN THAT WAS, RIGHT?
OKAY.
I GOT TO CALM DOWN.
I GOT TO CALM -- I GOT TO CALM
DOWN.
I GOT ENOUGH AIR.
I'M GONNA BE OKAY.
I JUST NEED TO CALM DOWN.
>> OKAY, COME HERE. >> WHAT? >> COME HERE.
>> WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
>> LOOK, FILM THIS.
IT'S RIGHT HERE.
THIS. LOOK AT THIS MESS.
>> HOLY SHIT. WHAT IS THAT?
>> MR. DEL ACOSTA, AS YOU CAN
SEE, OUR YARD HAS BEEN DECIMATED
BY A PACK OF UNRULY COYOTES.
THEY COME DOWN FROM THE
MOUNTAINS IN THE HOURS BEFORE
DAWN AND DESTROY OUR HUMBLE YARD
THAT I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO
CREATE.
>> EXCUSE ME. SORRY.
CAN I JUST -- CAN I ASK A
QUESTION?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO HIM?
>> TALK TO WHO?
>> OUR LANDLORD, DEL ACOSTA.
>> I AM TALKING TO HIM.
YOU'RE FILMING ME TALKING TO
HIM.
>> I KNOW, BUT IT'S JUST -- IT'S
A LITTLE ANTAGONISTIC.
DON'T YOU THINK?
>> I'M PROTECTING MY RIGHTS,
JACKSON.
WE PAY RENT FOR THIS PLACE.
>> UH-HUH.
>> I'LL PROBABLY JUST USE IT FOR
MY SMALL-CLAIMS CLASS.
BUT STILL, IT'S IMPORTANT TO
DOCUMENT.
JUST COVERING MY ASS HERE.
>> I THOUGHT I WAS COVERING YOUR
ASS.
>> MY GOD. GIVE ME THAT.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
WHAT?
STOP IT.
>> SEE HOW THIS FEELS?
>> YEAH, IT FEELS PRETTY GOOD.
>> FEELS -- OH, IT FEELS GOOD?
>> YEAH.
YOU WANT ME TO TRY?
>> YEAH.
>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
MR. DEL ACOSTA -- WELL, YOU'RE
MOVING IN ON ME.
YOU -- STOP IT.
>> THAT'S HOW IT FEELS.
>> YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN.
I JUST -- I'M SAYING, I NEED TO
SEE MORE PASSION.
I NEED MORE PASSION, OKAY?
>> YOU WANT TO SEE PASSION?
>> YEAH.
>> [ SIGHS ] I SHOULD HAVE GONE SHOPPING FOR THAT STUFF.
[ SIGHS ]
I better save my battery.
ENDEARA SPRINGS... I'M SO SORRY. WHAT IS THE LINE? WHAT IS THE SLOGAN?
>> JUST DRINK IT.
>> DO I SAY, "JUST DRINK IT," OR
DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST DRINK IT?
I'M SORRY.
>> JUST POP THE CAP OPEN AND
START DRINKING IT.
>> OH. I'M SORRY.
>> WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
>> IT'S -- THE CAP'S NOT COMING
OFF.
IS THIS GLUED?
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T GET THIS
OPEN.
IT'S JUST -- I'M SORRY.
>> YOU GOT IT.
JUST KEEP GOING. COME ON.
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
>> [ Distorted ] JACKSON?
WAKE UP!
OW.
OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW,
OW, OW, OW.
OW!
Cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp,
cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp.
AH.
OH.
[ SIGHS ]
Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. Over five hours passed.
Oh, my God.
I wonder if I'm tired because
I'm running out of oxygen.
NO, YOU'RE TIRED BECAUSE YOU
HAVEN'T SLEPT.
JUST -- YOU JUST DIDN'T SLEEP
LAST NIGHT.
YOU WERE WORKING ON THE PITCH.
YOU WERE UP LATE, SO...
[ SIGHS ]
IT HASN'T BEEN THAT LONG.
JUST RELAX.
Relax.
ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME SOMETHING HOLLOW.
UNH-UNH-UNH-UNH-UNH.
[ GRUNTS ]
AAH! BLECH. UGH.
I WAS PLANNING ON MASTURBATING, TOO. OHHH, SCRATCH THAT IDEA.
[ GLASS CRACKS ]
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO. NO.
HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
SHIT!
Okay.
[ CREAKING ]
Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I do that?
Why did I just do that?
Oh, man.
OH, FUCK IT.
OH, GOD, THAT WAS GOOD. Okay.
[ Voice breaking ] I KNOW I'M NOT THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.
BUT I'M ALSO -- I'M NOT THE
WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD.
AND I JUST -- I JUST WANT TO SAY
THIS, THAT...
[ SIGHS ]
...IF YOU GET ME OUT OF THIS,
THEN I -- I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD
THIS BEFORE, BUT IF YOU GET ME
OUT OF THIS, I MEAN IT.
I WILL DO ANYTHING.
[ Voice breaking ] I WILL DO
ANYTHING.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
ANYTHING.
I JUST -- I JUST WANT TO SEE
LAURIE AGAIN.
I JUST HAD TO RECORD THIS
BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
BANDS STILL GO OUT OF THEIR WAY
TO RECORD THEIR SHIT ON VINYL.
WHAT IS THAT?
IS THAT, LIKE, SOME COOL HIPSTER
THING THAT I'M NOT AWARE OF?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU LIKE IT, THOUGH, THE
SONG?
>> WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> HEROIN.
>> I WAS GONNA SAY HEROIN,
ACTUALLY.
>> OH, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN
CORRECT.
>> HMM.
"RAT'S RABBITS ARE CALLING."
YEAH.
I THINK THAT'S DRUG-INFLUENCED.
>> DO YOU LIKE IT?
>> I MEAN, IT'S OKAY.
WHY?
>> 'CAUSE I WAS THINKING, IF YOU
LIKED IT, YOU COULD GIVE IT TO
SOMEBODY.
>> IS THAT WAS THAT WAS ALL
ABOUT, ME JUST PLAYING THIS SO
THAT YOU COULD ASK ME FOR
ANOTHER FAVOR FOR YOUR BROTHER?
>> I KNOW YOU THINK HE'S A
LOSER, BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW
PEOPLE.
YOU HAVE CONNECTIONS.
MAYBE YOU COULD GIVE IT TO
SOMEONE.
>> OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, I NEVER
SAID THAT YOUR BROTHER WAS A
LOSER.
I JUST THINK HE'S REALLY
UNRELIABLE.
AND SECOND OF ALL, I DON'T WORK
IN RADIO.
I WORK IN COMMERCIALS.
I'VE TOLD YOU THIS.
WHAT CAN I DO?
>> YOU BROADCAST YOUR
COMMERCIALS ON THE RADIO.
>> LOOK AT THE LITTLE LAWYER
NAILING ME ON A TECHNICALITY.
THAT'S TRUE.
>> HE LOOKS UP TO YOU.
YOU KNOW, HE THINKS YOU'RE COOL.
>> OH, COME ON.
THAT IS SUCH B.S.
YOUR BROTHER DOESN'T EVEN USE
THE WORD "COOL."
AND HE WOULDN'T USE IT TO
DESCRIBE ME.
I'M AND "AD" MAN.
I LIKE EVERYTHING ROCK AND ROLL
IS AGAINST.
>> IS THAT A NO?
>> YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY YOU'RE
CUTE.
YOU KNOW THAT?
[ SIGHS ]
HAVE HIM CONVERT IT TO AN MP3,
AND I WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
AREN'T WE A LITTLE OLD FOR
EASTER?
>> NO. NEVER.
EASTER IS IMPORTANT, JACKSON.
THE EASTER EGG REPRESENTS NEW
LIFE, RESURRECTION.
>> OKAY.
>> THE EGG LAYS DORMANT WITH ITS
LIFE SUSPENDED UNTIL IT'S READY
TO HATCH INTO SOMETHING NEW.
>> THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IS THAT WHY YOU BOIL THE SHIT
OUT OF THEM AND THEN SOAK THEM
IN FOOD COLORING?
>> I'M A BELIEVER.
YOU WANT TO GO HUNT SOME EGGS?
>> IF THAT MEANS WHAT I THINK IT
MEANS.
COME ON, BABE.
IT'S NOT EVEN GONNA BE EASTER
ANYMORE.
>> OKAY.
>> YEAH? YOU READY?
>> YEAH.
>> WOW. FINALLY.
WHOA.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER HAD EASTER-EGG
HUNTS LIKE THIS WHEN I WAS A
KID.
>> AAH!
>> WHAT?
WHAT?
>> NO, NO! NO!
>> WHY ARE YOU SO SHY?
I THINK I'M DONE WITH THE
FILMING.
>> NO, NO, NO.
KEEP FILMING.
>> OKAY.
I MEAN, I WON'T HAVE MY HANDS
FREE FOR "HUNTING."
>> WELL, IT DEPENDS ON WHAT
YOU'RE HUNTING.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M
HUNTING?
EGGS.
>> WELL, YOU ALREADY FOUND MINE.
OH, COME ON.
EASTER EGG IS, LIKE, THE PERFECT
METAPHOR.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> YEAH.
>> NO MORE MIRACLES. I'M NOT GONNA CONVINCE MYSELF THAT GOD IS GONNA REACH DOWN AND
PULL ME OUT OF THIS SHIT.
[ SIGHS ]
I DON'T BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.
YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT,
YOU GOT TO DO IT YOURSELF.
[ British accent ] BURMA.
WHY DID YOU SAY BURMA?
I PANICKED.
[ Normal voice ] FORGET THE
PENGUIN ON THE TELLY.
IT AIN'T BURMA ANYMORE.
NO, SIR.
DON'T LIKE YOUR NAME?
WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
WE CAN CHANGE IT FOR YOU.
WE'RE IN ADVERTISING.
SHIT, WE CAN CHANGE ANYTHING.
RECENTLY TOPPLED YOUR NATIONAL
GOVERNMENT?
WELL, TERRIFIC.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU KNOW?
WHAT IS YOUR CHIEF EXPORT?
HEROIN?
WELL, YOU KNOW THAT USED TO BE A
PROBLEM, BUT WE FIND THAT PEOPLE
ARE A LOT MORE AMENABLE TO HOW
GOVERNMENTS REMAIN PROFITABLE
THESE DAYS.
TAKE BOTTLED WATER FOR INSTANCE.
YOU KNOW?
WHAT BETTER WAY TO MAKE MONEY
THAN TO SELL OFF YOUR WATER
RIGHTS TO A PRIVATE CORPORATION
WHO'S GONNA BOTTLE IT AND SELL
IT BACK TO YOUR POOR CITIZENS,
WHO CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO BUY IT?
BOTTLED WATER.
OKAY, I HAVE NEWSPAPER, PLASTIC BAGS, SHIRTS, AND FIVE WIRE HANGERS.
SPOOL OF TWINE, TWO MAGIC
MARKERS, ABOUT A HALF A ROLL OF
TAPE, A QUART OF MOTOR OIL,
THREE EMPTY BOTTLES OF WATER,
ONE MagLite FLASHLIGHT.
I HAVE MY iPHONE WITH EAR BUDS,
ONE PACKET OF TISSUES, MY NAIL
CLIPPER, ONE PAIR OF GARDENING
GLOVES, ONE BLANKET, ONE BICYCLE
PUMP, FIVE CASSETTE TAPES --
INCLUDING "BUSHMEN OF THE
KALAHARI 2."
WHEN THE HELL DID I BUY THAT?
TWO FOLDABLE CAMPING CHAIRS IN A
PLEASING BLUE CARRYING CASE.
[ SIGHS ]
I should be able to do something
with this stuff.
OW. DAMN IT. AAH.
Come on, come on, come on. There we go. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
[ CLAPS ]
OH, MY GOD.
AHH.
I TELL YOU.
IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE
YOU GOT TO APPRECIATE.
NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU,
BUDDY.
I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT WHAT
YOU'RE DOING.
[ SIGHS ]
[ COUGHS ]
AAH! AAH! [ GRUNTS ]
UHH...
OH, YEAH. There you go.
Nice.
Phew. Lunch break.
Okay. WHAT IS ON THE MENU? LET ME SEE WHAT WE'VE GOT.
WE HAVE WHITE-FUDGE-COVERED
PRETZELS.
OH, MY GOD.
[ SNIFFS ]
NOT TOO MANY, SO TAKE IT SLOW.
GUARANTEED TO BE THE BEST MEAL
YOU EVER HAD IN YOUR LIFE.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
OH, MY GOD. MM, WE ALSO HAVE, TO WASH IT DOWN, SILTY MUD WATER.
THE LESS I SAY ABOUT THAT, THE
BETTER.
[ SPITS ] MMM. GRITTY, BUT GOOD. [ SIGHS ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ British accent ] TODAY, IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, THE ANCIENT TOMB OF JEEP CHEROKEE WAS
UNCOVERED ALONG WITH THE
MUMMIFIED REMAINS OF ONE
JACKSON ALDER.
ALDER, A CAUCASIAN MALE, WAS
BELIEVED TO BE IN HIS EARLY 30s
AT THE TIME OF HIS UNSCHEDULED
MUMMIFICATION.
HISTORICAL FACEBOOK RECORDS
INDICATE THAT ALDER WAS A MEMBER
OF THE GROUPS "IF ONE MILLION
PEOPLE JOIN THIS GROUP, NOTHING
WILL HAPPEN" AND "I STILL PLAY
THAT GAME WHERE THE GROUND IS
LAVA."
SCIENTISTS ARE RUNNING TESTS ON
HIS REMAINS TO DETERMINE WHAT
ALDER'S DIET CONSISTED OF, HOW
OFTEN HE ENGAGED IN THE SEX ACT,
AND WHETHER OR NOT HE CAN BE
REANIMATED.
FOR FUTURISTIC BBC NEWS, I'M
ETHAN HAWKE.
GOOD NIGHT.
[ GRUNTS ]
Let's go. Let's go. Yes. Nice.
Oh, yes. [ GRUNTS ] [ PANTING ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ PANTING ]
[ GRUNTS ]
AAH! OKAY. OKAY.
[ SIGHS ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ GRUNTING INTENSIFIES ]
[ GASPS ]
Please, please, please.
OH, YEAH! WHOO! HEY!
I'M DOWN HERE!
OH!
OH, GOD.
I'M DOWN HERE!
COME ON DOWN!
THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM!
[ CHUCKLES ]
WE GOT MUDDY WATER TO DRINK AND
A COUPLE OF FUDGE-COVERED
PRETZELS!
OKAY.
OKAY. OKAY.
NEXT IS WAIT FOR IT TO FILL UP
WITH AIR.
[ SIGHS ]
FUCK THAT. I'M NOT WAITING.
OKAY. OKAY. Okay.
AND YOU ARE GONNA WORK JUST LIKE
A CHIMNEY.
AND YOU'RE GONNA WORK.
HELP ME! HELP ME! Shit.
I'M DOWN HERE!
AHH.
FUCK!
GOD!
[ COUGHS ]
OH, BRILLIANT.
[ COUGHS ]
OKAY.
[ Mumbling ] MY TUBE TV.
WHAT DO I DO WITH MY TUBE TV?
OH, DAVID LETTERMAN.
YOU CAN THROW IT OFF A BUILDING,
OR -- I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE
STILL DOES THAT ANYMORE.
MY HIBACHI -- I'M GONNA GIVE
THAT TO MY BROTHER, PAUL, SO
THAT HE CAN CARRY ON THE GRAND
TRADITION AT TAILGATE PARTIES
AND BEACH BARBECUE.
AHH.
[ COUGHS ]
OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE STUFF
LEFT, SO...
I'M GONNA START GIVING STUFF
AWAY THAT I DON'T OWN.
WHO THE FUCK'S GONNA STOP ME
ANYWAY?
SO, WE'LL START WITH THE...
EIFFEL...
TOWER.
LAURIE CAN DEFINITELY HAVE THAT.
BUT SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO SHARE IT
WITH THE OTHER STAR-CROSSED
LOVERS...
EVEN IF SHE THINKS THEY'RE
ASSHOLES.
"BUT MUST SHARE..." [ GLASS CREAKS ] SHIT!
AAH! OH, GOD!
[ DOOR-AJAR BELL DINGING ]
[ DINGING STOPS ]
[ GASPS ]
UGH.
AAH.
AAH!
OH!
[ GRUNTS ] OH! [ GASPING ]
[ GRUNTS ] [ GRUNTS ] [ GASPS ]
HOW DID YOU GET IN THIS MESS? THOUGHT YOU GUYS COULD FLY. GOD.
IF YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT OUT OF
THIS, HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED
TO GET OUT OF THIS?
[ SNIFFLING ] [ SIGHS ] LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT...
I MAY HAVE TO EAT YOU LATER.
I'M SORRY, LITTLE BIRD.
SO SORRY.
NO!
[ PANTING ]
OH!
[ Crying ] OH, GOD, IF I WASN'T
SUCH A FUCKING CHICKEN SHIT, I
WOULD HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN OUT OF
THIS BY NOW.
BUT I'M TOO STUPID, AND I'M TOO
FUCKING COWARDLY TO GET OUT OF
THIS.
YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA BE A HERO.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
YOU'RE GONNA DIE LIKE A DOG.
YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED. IT'S A SMALL FUCKING NUMBER. WHEN THAT -- WHEN THAT NUMBER
COMES UP, YOU'RE GONE.
MY NUMBER'S UP.
A LITTLE GARDENING? >> YEAH. >> WHAT ARE YOU PLANTING?
>> BABY BLUE EYES.
IT'S A WILDFLOWER NATIVE TO
CALIFORNIA AND IN SOME PARTS OF
OREGON, I THINK.
>> THEY'RE REALLY NICE FLOWERS.
>> TILL THE COYOTES COME AND GET
THEM.
>> THEY'RE RABBITS, ACTUALLY.
>> WHAT?
>> WELL, COYOTES DON'T EAT
FLOWERS.
IT'S PROBABLY RABBITS, MORE
LIKELY.
>> EITHER WAY, I GUESS.
>> YEAH, WELL, EITHER WAY, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE I'M BUILDING YOU A FENCE.
>> YOU ARE?
>> MM-HMM.
>> THAT'S MANLY.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
DON'T GET TOO EXCITED, THOUGH.
IT' S JUST GONNA BE A FEW POLES,
A LITTLE BIT OF CHICKEN WIRE.
GOT YOURSELF A FENCE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> HEY.
I'M HERE TO PROTECT YOU.
>> AND OUR PLANT?
DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND
CHANCES?
WHAT?
>> THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO
TELL YOU.
I, UM...I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT OUT ALIVE IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU. I MEAN, YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON
THAT I'M HERE RIGHT NOW.
SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK
YOU FOR LIVING INSIDE MY HEAD.
>> IT'S NO PROBLEM.
RENT'S CHEAP.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
NOT MANY OCCUPANTS.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]
[ FAUCET SQUEAKING ] >> Damn it.
[ PANTING ] [ WATER TRICKLING ]
[ TRICKLING INTENSIFIES ]
>> WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT ARE THE METRICS ON THE ENDEARA SPRINGS CAMPAIGN YOU
FINISHED.
POW!
EYE-POPPING.
[ Laughing ] I MEAN, REMARKABLE,
CONSIDERING YOU REFUSED TO TAKE
ANY TIME OFF AFTER YOUR...YOU
KNOW, ACCIDENT.
>> WELL, YEAH.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> WELL, THIS BUSINESS IS AS
MUCH AN ART AS IT IS A SCIENCE.
AND YOU ARE SELLING THIRST
BETTER THAN ANYBODY OUT THERE
RIGHT NOW.
AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW...
I AM HERE TO PROTECT YOU.
AND PROTECT OUR PLANT.
>> LAURIE. WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG, BABY?
[ COUGHS ]
[ PANTING ]
EITHER WAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE I'M GONNA BUILD YOU A
FENCE.
>> YOU ARE?
>> MM-HMM.
>> VERY MANLY.
>> I KNOW.
DON'T GET TOO EXCITED, THOUGH.
IT'S JUST GONNA BE A FEW POLES,
A LITTLE CHICKEN WIRE.
GOT YOURSELF A FENCE.
>> WELL, THANK YOU.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
I'M HERE TO PROTECT YOU.
>> AND OUR PLANT?
WHAT?
>> IT'S, UH, NOTHING.
I JUST HAVE TO, UH...
I GOT A PHONE CALL.
HI, LAURIE. UM... I-I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I'M
SORRY FOR MY APPEARANCE.
I KNOW I LOOK LIKE SHIT.
I TRIED TO CLEAN MYSELF UP FOR
YOU, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, BUT THIS
IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS I COULD DO.
[ COUGHS ]
UH...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
SORRY.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I
CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT ALL
THE STUPID...
CONVERSATIONS THAT WE HAD ABOUT
GETTING MARRIED, AND...
GOD, HOW MANY TIMES I SAID THAT
I DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED.
AND IT'S JUST SO STUPID BECAUSE,
I GOT TO TELL YOU, THERE'S
NOTHING THAT I'D RATHER DO THAN
TO MARRY YOU.
GOD, I JUST WISH I HAD THE
CHANCE TO MARRY YOU, YOU KNOW?
JUST TO HAVE A FAMILY, JUST A
NORMAL FAMILY -- THAT'S ALL I
WANT.
OF COURSE, I'D PROBABLY BE
MAKING YOU A WIDOW IF WE GOT
MARRIED, SO THAT'S PROBABLY NOT
GOOD, BUT...
AND WE DIDN'T EVEN NAME OUR
BABY.
PAUL SAID THAT, AT THE HOSPITAL,
IF YOU DON'T HAVE A NAME FOR THE
BABY THEN, THAT THEY WOULD JUST
CALL IT BABY ALDER.
SO...
UM...
I'M RECORDING THIS VIDEO...
FOR BABY ALDER.
SORRY. HI, SWEETHEART. HI, BABY.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT I'M YOUR
DAD.
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
I DIED A VERY HAPPY MAN -- VERY
HAPPY -- BECAUSE I WAS THINKING
ABOUT YOU.
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU'RE
A BOY OR A GIRL OR...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA
CHOOSE TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE OR
WHO YOU'RE GONNA FALL IN LOVE
WITH AND WHO YOU'RE GONNA GET
MARRIED, OR IF YOU GET MARRIED.
BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS.
IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE WAY THAT I
FEEL ABOUT YOU, AND IT COULDN'T
CHANGE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
AND I'M SORRY.
I'M REALLY SORRY THAT I CAN'T BE
THERE FOR YOU IN YOUR LIFE.
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE THAT THERE'S
NOTHING IN THE WORLD...
THAT I WOULD HAVE WANTED MORE
THAN THE CHANCE TO HOLD YOUR
LITTLE HAND, AND TAKE YOU TO
SOCCER PRACTICE OR BALLET
PRACTICE OR WHATEVER.
WHATEVER YOU DO, I WANTED THAT.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU SEE ME UPSET, I-I'M SORRY. IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M SAD.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, AND YOU
WILL ONE DAY THAT...
IT'S 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU.
THE WAY THAT I FEEL AND THE
TEARS THAT I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW,
THEY'RE TEARS OF LOVE.
[ CREAKING ]
I'M GONNA END THIS NOW, BUT I
JUST WANTED TO GET A CHANCE TO
MEET YOU...
AND TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE A
FATHER WHO LOVES YOU.
YOU HAVE A FATHER THAT LOVES YOU
MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR
YOU.
ALWAYS.
[ CRYING ]
[ VIDEO REWINDING ] I'M HERE TO PROTECT YOU, YOU KNOW.
>> AND OUR PLANT?
WHAT?
>> IT'S, UH, NOTHING.
I JUST HAVE TO, UH...
I GOT A PHONE CALL.
[ SIGHS ]
[ CREAKING ]
PEANUT. PEA...NUT. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF WHEN
YOU HEAR THE WORLD "PEANUT."
GO.
>> Butter.
Beer?
>> OKAY, YAWN.
ANYTHING ELSE.
>> Urination.
>> INTERESTING. WHY?
>> Uh, well, "pee."
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
TERRY, BABY, WE CAN'T USE "PEE."
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP FOR A
SECOND.
YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY LEARN
SOMETHING, OKAY?
"P" IS MANY THINGS.
IT IS A LETTER, IT IS A
VEGETABLE, IT IS URINARY RELIEF,
AND FRANKLY, IT'S NOT SUCH A
STRETCH TO THAT ORGAN THAT WE
ALL KNOW AND LOVE.
SO, ALL WE NEED TO DO IS CONNECT
THE PEANUT WITH THE PENIS, AND
WE HAVE OURSELVES A TOP-SELLING
PRODUCT.
>> Are you on drugs?
>> I'M NOT ON DRUGS.
I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION
IS THAT?
YOU GOT TO KEEP UP WITH ME HERE,
TERRY.
THIS IS ADVERTISING 101.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS
THROWING YOU FOR SUCH A LOOP,
OKAY?
JUST DO ME A FAVOR.
AT THIS MEETING, KEEP YOUR MOUTH
SHUT, KEEP YOUR EARS OPEN, AND
LET ME DO THAT TALKING.
'CAUSE I'VE WORKED REALLY HARD
TO GET TO THIS POINT, AND I
DON'T NEED YOU FUCKING IT UP,
OKAY?
>> Wouldn't an association with
a penis negatively affect the
perception of the viewer's
endowment?
Peanuts are small.
>> NOT OUR NUTS, TERRY. COME ON.
PLAINVIEW NUTS, THEY'RE HUGE.
>> You still there?
>> The Rat's Rabbits are calling. OH, JESUS CHRIST.
[ GROANS ] OH, BOY.
OHH, BOY. OKAY. [ GRUNTS ]
[ GROANS ]
I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU, DUDE.
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A ZOMBIE.
[ As a zombie ] BRAINS!
[ CHUCKLES ] THAT'S IT. OH, MY GOD.
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA LOVE THIS.
♪ WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH OF
BRAINS ♪
♪ AND YOUR THROAT'S SO DRY IT
STINGS ♪
♪ CAST AWAY YOUR ZOMBIE CHAINS
♪ SO YOU CAN DRINK
ENDEARA SPRINGS ♪
THAT IS BRILLIANT.
IT'S BETTER THAN BRILLIANT.
IT'S A SLAM DUNK.
[ RUMBLING ]
[ WHIMPERS ]
HOLY SHIT.
[ CREAKING ] [ RUMBLING ] [ SCREAMS ]
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
NO! NO! [ SCREAMS ]
[ CREAKING ]
[ SIGHS ] BOTTOMS UP. [ GULPING ]
[ GROANS ] [ SIGHS ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ] [ SIGHS ]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LAURIE.
BABY BLUE EYES FOR MY BABY.
[ SIGHS ]
BLESS THIS VEHICLE. IT WAS A GOOD VEHICLE. IT DIDN'T DESERVE THIS.
MAY IT RISE AGAIN ONE DAY INTO
ETERNAL LIFE.
[ SIGHS ]
THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN... [ AIR HISSES ]
...ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND.
[ GRUNTS ] [ SIGHS ] SHIT.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
[ GROANS ] [ Sighing ] OH, GOD.
[ GROANS ] OH, GO-- [ GROANS ]
[ CREAKING ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ METAL SCREECHES ]
[ WHIMPERING ]
AH!
[ PANTING ]
[ CREAKING ]
[ BANG ]
AAH!
[ GROANS ]
[ GRUNTS ]
LET ME SEE.
[ PANTING ]
[ SIGHS ]
[ BREATHING DEEPLY ] [ BEEPING ] [ "RAT'S RABBITS" PLAYING ]
"RAT'S RABBITS ARE CALLING."
"THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE CALLING."
"RAT'S RABBITS ARE CALLING."
>> ♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
>> "THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING."
>> ♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> ♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> ♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LA DA DA-DA
>> [ GRUNTING CONTINUES ]
DRIER THAN I THOUGHT.
>> ♪ THEY'RE CALLING ♪ THEY'RE CALL... >> [ SIGHS ]
[ PANTING ]
[ GRUNTING ]
WHEW!
[ GRUNTING ] AAH! [ GRUNTING CONTINUES ]
[ SIGHS ]
[ GRUNTING ]
[ METAL GROANS ]
[ GRUNTING CONTINUES ]
[ GROANS ] [ METAL CREAKING ] [ GRUNTING CONTINUES ]
[ SPITS ] [ AIR HISSING ]
[ GASPING ]
[ HISSING STOPS ]
[ COUGHING ] [ GASPING ]
[ BREATHING DEEPLY ] OKAY.
[ GROANS ] [ GRUNTING ]
[ AIR HISSING ] [ INHALING DEEPLY ]
[ HISSING STOPS ] [ PANTING ] I'M NOT A RELIGIOUS MAN.
I CAN SEE THIS AS BEING BORN
AGAIN, BORN FROM THE WORLD INTO
THE...INTO THE WORLD ITSELF.
AND THERE'S SOMETHING KIND OF
BEAUTIFUL ABOUT THAT, EVEN IF I
DON'T SEE IT AS A RELIGIOUS
AWAKENING.
[ PANTING ]
HOLD ON.
DON'T DIE.
[ RUMBLING ]
[ GASPING ]
LET'S GO. LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
[ GRUNTS ]
[ GRUNTING ]
[ CRASH ] [ PANTING ] OKAY.
[ GRUNTING ]
[ GASPS ] [ RUMBLING ] AAH!
AAH!
AAAAH!
AAAAAH!
[ SCREAMING ]
[ RUMBLING CONTINUES ]
[ MUFFLED SCREAMING ] [ RUMBLING STOPS ]
[ GROANS ] PUSH! PUSH!
AAH!
[ GASPING ]
[ GROANS ] AAH!
[ GRUNTING ]
AAAAAAAH! [ PANTING ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ GASPS ] [ PANTING ] [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> ♪ IT'S CRIPPLING ♪ NEVER REALLY KNOWING
♪ WE'RE HUDDLING WHERE IT'S ALWAYS NICE ♪ ♪ AND PLUS THERE IS A FLAME
♪ A FLAME THAT SHOULD BE HOT
♪ IN SPITE OF BEING SMALL
AND BEING STILL ♪
♪ FOLLOWING WHEREVER YOU WILL
♪ LOOK AT THEM ♪ THEY'RE SENSITIVE ♪ AND THEY INCH OUT
♪ LOOK AT THEM
♪ AND PLUS THERE IS A FLAME
♪ A FLAME THAT SHOULD BE HOT
♪ IN SPITE OF BEING SMALL
AND BEING STILL ♪
♪ FOLLOWING WHEREVER YOU WILL
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE CALLING ♪ ♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ LADIES AND RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ AND, OH, THE RAT'S RABBITS ARE
CALLING ♪
♪ THEY'RE CALLING
♪ THEY'RE CALLING, YEAH