Mommy, mommy, hurry! Come on!
Yo Mike, hey!
- He's got a gun! - Hey!
He shoots, three points!
That's four in a row for.
The kid is on fire tonight!
On the bench. 12 points.
Just under three minutes away...
Carl, before you say anything, just let me ask,
did they use foul language when describing me?
Well, I think it is.
Hey, you know what? You know what?
Carl, we are the 800 pound gorilla.
We are the ones who sell the advertising.
What are they gonna do?
It's a bluff.
It's a bluff, Carl, and it's not even...
Even Lucy doesn't think so.
Hold on a sec. I got my wife calling.
Hey honey, I'm dangerously close to running late
and I've got Carl and his FCC shit on the other...
She did?
Well, tuck her in and I'll give her a kiss
when I get in and make it all better.
She won't even remember it by morning.
Hey, Gab, I'm sorry.
Let me switch back. Okay?
Love you.
Carl, here's the thing.
Listen, I am a brand name.
I have a formula.
You change the formula, you lose the listeners.
It is as simple as that.
People listen because of who I am and what I say,
And nobody wants to listen to a guy
with a fucking ball gag in his mouth.
This is god damn radio.
You want to talk then dial in, let's talk about this.
And you can explain to everybody listening,
how you like the FCC's dick in your ass
but you can say it without using profanity.
Bye.
Better hurry up, pal.
You're on in five.
They got you on payroll now, too?
I swear, Lucy has spies everywhere.
All right, that's about gonna do it for me
on this balmy Friday night.
- Logan! - Hey hey.
Nice of you to show up.
I think Gil was hoping to take over for ya.
Not when I'm still alive.
What about you, Mags?
You gonna tune in tonight?
Oh gee, Logan, I don't know.
I was kind of hoping to go to sleep tonight
without worrying about what tomorrow might bring.
Ignorance is bliss.
- Hey, John. - Ah, he arrives.
Maggie, hold the door!
I'm not late. Don't say it.
Don't say it.
Greetings from the great one.
I am your host, Logan Bernhardt,
the man with all the answers to your pathetic lives,
the reason you stay awake at night,
the personality you can't resist,
the shrink you can't afford.
Welcome to heartburn.
Speaking of burns, I am joined by your favorite
semi-employed, near burnout, Gil, the Bickering Brick man.
How come I don't get any
Oh, there's my applause.
Oh, you're too kind, you're too kind.
How are you feeling tonight, Gil, man?
Oh, I am ready to divide and conquer.
Okay. Enough about your sex life.
This is my show.
Well, the lines are lit and we're ready to roll.
How you feeling?
I'm feeling a little paranoid, my friend.
You don't smell like pot
so you must be reading your hate mail again.
No, apparently my ex-wife has run out of postage stamps
so it's something else actually,
it's something that's been bugging me since I was a kid.
And the only reason it's coming up now is because,
well, I was stuck in traffic
and I just, in fact didn't get a chance
to prepare for tonight's show.
Awesome!
Sounds like a well-conceived eye-popping night
of insight and insanity.
It's that top level entertainment
that's made us number one,
the mostest listened to show on the air.
- Mostest! - Yes.
And with a third world, third grade education,
I will be back to take your calls right after these words.
Cutting it a little close, were we?
It's not my fault.
I had to take Gabby's brother to the airport.
You never took my family to the airport.
Well, you never asked me to.
Because I knew you'd say no.
Well, that's not fair.
I just, I just took Gabby's brother.
You know, you do a lot of things for Gabby
you never did for me, Logan.
Look, I made you my producer.
I hired you to fill a time slot
Guys, we're back in 10.
I brought you along after I made us number one.
That was part of a divorce settlement
- Back in five. - So what does that mean?
You get a better lawyer, you're a better person?
In this town, are you kidding me?
One.
Yes, we're back.
This is Logan Bernhardt.
For the next five hours, we're gonna be talking about.
P-A-R-A-N-O-I-A, paranoia.
I hope I spelled that right.
I'm, I'm not sure.
But what has you all bent out of shape?
It's the Taj Mahal.
The...
The Taj Mahal has you paranoid?
Yes, and I'll tell you why.
Oh, please do.
Have you ever, and I'm being serious now,
have you ever seen a picture of the Taj Mahal
that wasn't taken from the front?
You know, with a pool in the foreground
and there's the Taj Mahal.
I'm not kidding now.
It's starting to freak me out.
I mean, think about this.
Have you ever seen the side of the place
or the back for that matter?
Come to think of it, no.
Is it real or is or somebody just trying
to pull the wool over the rest of the world's eyes?
What do you think it is?
You think it's like a cardboard plywood cut out
that they painted to look like a palace?
Maybe.
And the use of that would be?
That's why I'm so paranoid.
I mean, it's a famous palace.
I'm guessing it's in India.
I don't know, does royalty live there?
Is it the equivalent of the White House?
Or is it a failed Vegas style casino?
You know, I really haven't thought that deeply about it.
Ah-ha! Ah-ha!
And that's why I'm here, my lovable, but ignorant friend,
to shine light and give perspective to things
that we just don't put a lot of thought into.
You know, I think it's something
that we could very easily find out online.
No, no, don't!
That would defeat the whole purpose of my being here.
You are paranoid, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
And I'm not alone.
That's why I want our callers to call in right now
and tell us why are you so freaking paranoid, America?
You mean like the guy who lives across the street from me
who sits on his porch, sharpening knives,
staring, every time I mow the lawn?
You've got a who sits on his porch and sharpens knives?
Yeah.
And he's creepy.
I'm afraid one day he's going to come over, stab me,
then ask to borrow a cup of sugar.
- Oh, in that order. - Yeah. In that order.
That would be something to be worried about.
Okay, I see the lines are lit up.
America, why are you so paranoid?
Caller number two, you're on the air.
Cat food!
Did she just say "cat food"?
Ma'am, why is cat food making you paranoid?
Well, I keep looking at all the flavors
of cat food they have,
and I keep seeing things like "beef" on the side of the can.
So you're concerned about beef flavored cat food?
Yeah!
That's a strange thing to feed a cat, don't you think?
I mean, I understand chicken and fish
because those could be something that a cat might kill.
- Cats kill fish? - I can't imagine
a domesticated cat being able to take down
a 1200 pound cow.
So how could it have acquired the taste
of something like that?
Your cat isn't from Texas, is it?
If those pet food companies
want to feed our cats beef,
who knows what they have in store for us down the line?
Who knows, indeed.
Maybe it's going to be like that 1970s movie
where they start using people as food.
- "Soylent Green"? - Ah-ha!
Paranoid.
Bingo!
Our first caller is not only a paranoid,
she is a total moron.
That's gotta be a record, isn't it, Gil?
I do believe it is.
If your cat is eating ground up cow balls or cow ears,
be happy.
Be happy that it doesn't cost more than 49 cents a can.
I hope you don't think I'm the kind of person
who's going to feed my
Ma'am.
You are an idiot.
Thank you for calling.
Now, is there anyone out there
who has a real reason to be paranoid?
Caller number three, you're on with Logan Bernhardt
and the Bickering Brick man.
I got to admit it, Logan,
I'm paranoid about aliens.
Aliens.
So are you worried they're gonna come across
the Mexican border and feed your cat beef?
No.
I keep seeing all those shows of people who are abducted
and taken into outer space
where they have these things shoved up their rectum.
Rectum damn near killed him.
Sir, please, this is a family show.
I'm sorry.
It's just, I hear about this sort of thing all the time
and it isn't just in the country,
it happens in the city too.
They take you up in their ship
and they start experimenting on you,
doing whatever they feel like.
Have you ever heard of crop circles?
Yes. Yes, I, yes, I have.
And what do you think they are?
I don't know, but that's another good example.
Okay, fine.
But just for kicks,
hazard a guess as to their purpose for doing such a thing?
Maybe it's their way of sending us messages.
They're trying to communicate with us.
I thought you'd say that.
In fact, I knew you'd say that!
Let's put it this way.
If these aliens, uh, wanted to talk to us, communicate,
let's say even extract secret information from us...
Sir, do you even know what an alien looks like?
- Take me to your leader. - Do aliens
have rectal probes?
Bert, do aliens have rectums?
You sir, are a retard.
If you're so paranoid about aliens,
you shouldn't watch so much television.
Why does our show always devolve into alien porn?
You know, I wonder that often myself.
Okay. Moving right along.
Let's see our next caller refuses to give his real name.
Okay, well let's call him uh...
Fred.
- Fred, you're on. - Hi, Fred.
What is making you so paranoid?
Muslims.
Muslims?
Hm. That's a good one.
Fred, can you be more specific?
The way they're willing to blow themselves up
just to kill a couple of our soldiers.
You know, Fred, I think a large majority of Muslims
haven't actually blown themselves up yet.
So maybe there's something else.
Could it be the way they talk?
Could it be their dark skin?
Could it be the way they smell?
I mean, they do eat goats after all.
It's the fact that they're obsessed
with hating us.
You know, Fred, I think you're onto something.
And maybe that's why they're all moving to America
to get closer to us.
You've heard the old adage,
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
I mean, think about it.
They, they they'd been living in the Middle East
for what, over 10,000 years
and they still don't have it together.
Have you seen the way they live?
I'd be jealous of America too.
I mean, they live in a country loaded with oil,
but they live in these mud buildings
that crumble with the slightest little earthquake.
What do you think?
Let's see where he goes with it.
In a country where C4
and ball-bearings are fashion accessories.
Logan, you don't know what you're talking about!
Yeah, hold on a sec.
It's his wife. She wants to talk to him.
Tell her we'll have him call her back.
Uh, Gabby, he'll call you at the break, okay?
He was a religious leader.
He was a military leader,
and now they hate everybody who's not that same way.
I hear what you're saying, sir.
Hatred is a terrible thing that doesn't do anybody any good.
Isn't that right, Gil?
Yeah, maybe, maybe it's good business
for the guy in Iran who sells American flags.
Good point.
Hey, you're not such an idiot after all.
- Oh, thank you. - So Fred,
do you hate people from the Middle East?
All I said was that everybody who's not
So what you're saying is you hate them?
That's not what I said. It's a proven fact!
You're putting words in my mouth.
And there you have it, folks.
- Fred hates Muslims. - That's not what I said!
Fred hates Arabs.
Fred hates Persians. Fred probably hates the Jews.
And this is right after I just got done saying
that hatred doesn't do anybody any good.
Fred speaks his true mind
and shows America's real voice.
And trying to put words in my mouth!
You're just bul
Paranoia, fear of the unknown,
fear of the thing that lurks in the shadows
ready to pounce on us and take away everything we love.
Fear of Japanese technology
that hangs on our ears like a colostomy bag.
We'll be right back after these messages.
The Taj Mahal, isn't that in the Middle East?
- What is that? - What?
What is that, is that an ear thingy?
- That? - Yeah.
It's a Bluetooth for my cell phone.
You put it on your ear, like that.
Oh, oh. I got to take a crap.
You gonna tell him Gabby called?
No, not yet.
We got a good one tonight.
Tell him in the next break. Okay?
Your call.
- We're back in 20. - Loge!
You got Vernon on line one
who's paranoid that the government is tapping his phone.
You got a guy on line two
who wants to know why you hate Muslims so much,
and another guy who's an offended Nazi
regarding your last call
and someone who says they had
some sort of an attack at the arena.
- Who do you want first? - Uh...
Which, which line is Vernon on?
Line one, we're back in five, four, three...
And we're back.
For those of you just now tuning in,
tonight's subject is paranoia.
Okay, on line one, we have an old friend.
You're on.
Hello Logan, Gil.
It's uh, me, Vernon.
- Vern! - Vernon,
our favorite caller who thinks his phone
is being tapped again, still.
Vernon, have you checked under the bed yet?
I'm sure your missing life is there somewhere.
No seriously, I got a problem.
It's been worrying me since they passed that whole.
- Patriot Act thing. - Vernon.
- Yep. - I hear clicks
over my conversations all the time
when I'm on the phone.
I think the FBI is tapping my line.
Interesting.
Vernon, have you considered the possibility
that maybe you've just got a bad phone,
or are you just jumping over that
and going right to the FBI thing?
I'm pretty sure it's the FBI.
I think Vernon makes a good point.
Do you think that you're that high on the radar
that you would merit that kind of investigation?
I think I am.
There's no other explanation.
I smoke pot sometimes and I'm worried
Ya don't say.
I'd tap his lines too if I had heard
some of his past phone calls.
Vernon,
your phones are not being tapped.
I think he's being tapped.
You think he's being tapped?
Your phones are being tapped.
I think they're being tapped by the president.
I better go, uh...
I heard some kind of noise outside.
And say hi to the Secretary of Defense for us.
Bye, Vernon.
Yes, I'm pretty damn sure the feds
are listening to this program.
Okay. Our next caller is on.
- Hello, is this the FCC? - Hello, Hello!
Am I on the air?!
- Have you got me?! - Hey, hey, slow it down.
- I'm calling from my cell. - Are you on meth?
- I'm just down the street! - Or is this love
at first sight?
From near your building!
There's been some kind of attack during the game I think.
I mean, people are going crazy out here.
I saw a guy get run over right in front of me.
- Okay, easy, easy. - Everyone's trying
to get away, people are mobbing street.
Seems a little early to be celebrating a championship,
- don't you think? - It's like...
I've never seen anything like it.
Have we won any games this year?
I don't think so.
I mean, cops, lights are flashing,
but it's not doing anything!
All right, take it easy, buddy.
- I'm not joking man! - Take it
Logan, this right downtown.
Can't you see it outside your window!?
Gil, let's go to the window.
Okay, folks, bear with us.
You looking out your window?
I'm sitting in my car.
Sorry, pal. All can see your other buildings.
I was at the convention center next door.
We heard sirens.
I didn't think it was anything.
They were running like it was fucking Godzilla.
All right. All right, folks.
This is not a family show, but it's not a freak show either.
Let's check the vulgarity at the door
and let's get back to business.
Oh great!
Apparently not only does the FCC hate us,
but also God is taking his whacks as well.
Sorry, folks. The lights have gone off in the studio.
Bury, am I even talking to anybody?
Uh, yeah, we're good.
Backup gennys kicked in, computers are up, we're live.
Oh, yay!
Well, yes, folks.
I guess God wants us to illuminate you after all.
The lights have come back on.
Maybe it's the aliens coming for us Loge.
I mean, they like this flickering light gag thing.
Yeah, but why?
Why would they, why would they hate this show so much?
- There are many reasons. - Okay.
Let's try to get back to the insanity here.
Okay, caller number four, you're on.
- Please save me here. - Dude.
Turn on your TV. It's real.
Dude, I'm starting to think that paranoia
wasn't a good subject matter to dwell on tonight.
You know, I often wonder, Gil man,
what this city would be like
if I weren't here to talk some sense into it.
I wonder that all the time.
All right, let's roll the dice and take another call.
Okay. You're on with- It's time to face the truth.
The great maker has put his wrath down upon us
for not looking at his domain.
The plague of the age is upon us.
The end is near. Seek salvation, Logan.
Dad, is that you again?
I'm changing my number.
Uh, okay folks.
Apparently it's a free call night
at the VA Hospital Psych Ward.
Uh, let's take another call.
Logan. Logan, do you hear me?
Something is wrong. Something is wrong.
There's been another attack.
Emergency fire and rescue units
have been called in from at least seven stations
in the metropolitan area.
Uh, folks. It appears that there is a situation here.
Uh, I'm going to, uh,
go to a break just to get some more information,
but please, please stay tuned.
I'll be, I'll be, I'll be right back.
Please lock your windows,
your doors and stay inside- Dead air!
Burt, dead air!
Go to a song or a commercial or something!
Dear, listen very carefully.
I need you to get the kids together and get in the...
No, no, I don't understand what's going on.
I can't explain anything.
Just get the kids together and...
What?!
Well, call her up and get Billie home now!
Listen to, listen to me!
I'm watching...
I can't explain it, baby.
No, no, listen. I gotta go.
I...
It'll be o...
Baby, I love you.
I gotta go.
- Those stuck in- - This is bananas.
We hope for their sakes
- What's happening? - They don't know.
Some sort of riot broke out during the game,
they think a bomb went off.
All these people came running out of the stadium
- just going nuts. - Oh.
Tourism's gonna love that.
Watch, if they show this clip again,
this woman, she was...
I now understand we have crews
I don't know what they'd done to her,
but she was completely covered in blood.
We thought we were looking at a picture
of a dead body, right?
Then all of a sudden, she just jumps up, just like that.
She starts going nuts.
I got it.
On such a mass scale,
I'm not exactly sure how something like that
can be carried out.
Hello?
Yeah, we're already watching it.
Well, how many stations?
Well, we can if you want.
Let me ask Logan.
It's Carl.
He said all the other stations have switched over
to the Emergency Broadcast System.
He wants us to switch over too.
What? Give me that.
Carl, it's Logan.
We can't switch now, we're right in the middle of the show.
Not to mention a couple of blocks away from this thing.
Well, let them switch if they want to!
People are gonna want a voice of reason, not a stranger!
I am calm!
I am calm.
Carl, I have got to stay on the air.
I have got to tell people to stay away from downtown.
We have half a million listeners
who don't have access to a television.
What?
Ah.
Are we the only ones in the building right now?
Uh...
Yeah, I think we're the only ones up here for this station.
I don't know about the rest of the building.
Uh, yes, I think so.
I'm not sure.
Pretty much if...
I mean, it's Friday.
What?
What's with all the frigging questions?
What time does the front door lock downstairs?
I think the front of the building
automatically locks at like nine, it's on a timer,
but, uh, the garage and elevator,
- they're always open. - Shouldn't we lock 'em?
I'm Natalie Find and I'm reporting from downtown,
and this is one of the most horrific incidents
that we have seen thus far.
Oh my God!
They just pulled the police officer out of the vehicle.
They're attacking him!
The mob is attacking him.
Guys, we gotta batten down the hatches.
Carl, are you seeing this?
They just got a cop.
I'm staying on the air until they get this under control.
- I gotta go. - They're beating him down.
Just moments ago, this corner was actually secure.
Holy shit!
Did you guys just see that!?
Oh my God!
How can they show that on live TV?
Lobby guy, lobby guy, what's his name?
- Tom. - It's Ted.
Well, we gotta tell him to lock the front door.
I'm on it.
Garage. What about the garage?
- Oh. He can call down. - Yeah.
Let's sit.
Fuck, what the...
Shit.
Hey, get off her!
Hey, man, I'll shoot.
I'll shoot!
Help me! Help me!
He still didn't answer?
Burt, I gotta get back on the air.
Burt.
It's all yours.
I gotta see what's going on.
- Find Gil. - Burt.
Wait, Burt.
Logan, Gabby called earlier.
- What?! When!? - Earlier.
We had just gotten started.
Why didn't you tell me?
Loge, you were on a roll. We just...
None of this has happened.
You've reach the Bernhardts
Ted?
Oh, shit.
Come on, come on, come on!
Come on!
I'm stuck! I'm stuck on the Sixth Street bridge!
All the cars have stopped and everybody's there.
They're honking their horns, but, it's not...
Oh no.
- What, what do you see, sir? - No, no, no!
God no, please!
Sir, stay with me.
- What's, what's happening? - They're on foot!
They're on foot!
They just pulled some people from the cars!
They got kids!
The...
They pulled them out onto the street!
- Oh my God. - Oh God!
They're just wailing on 'em!
If there are any police or emergency personnel,
please, someone, somebody, please do the right thing
and get to the Sixth Street Bridge.
Right in front of me!
This is unbelievable! This is fucking unbelievable!
Something is wrong.
Something is seriously wrong.
This is not a normal riot.
It is not.
It's not normal god damn it!
God damn it! It's not normal.
Hey.
It isn't right.
It is their eyes.
They are like bleeding out of their eyes.
It's like someone maced them or pepper sprayed them, right?
But then they went nuts!
But that isn't even it!
The words can't explain.
Logan.
Uh, is our old caller still on?
Uh, sir, can you still hear us?
Yeah. Yeah. I'm still here.
I'm in my truck but I'm down, I'm down on the floor.
They're outside. They're right, they're right outside.
Shit! Shit! Please.
You gotta get somebody here, man.
You gotta get somebody
Sir, I have asked for help.
Just, uh, lie low, uh, take it easy, be quiet.
Jenny, baby, I love you so much.
I'm coming home.
Oh God, I'm so scared.
We'll get some help to you.
Sir, help is on the way.
- Just take it easy. - They're screaming outside.
If there is anyone in the vicinity of the Sixth Street...
These people are running around,
they're bleeding, they're screaming.
Oh, God, please don't let 'em find me.
Oh, it's so fucked!
Oh no, no, no, shit!
No, no, shit! Shit! They see me!
They see me! This guy, this guy sees me!
Jesus Christ, what's happening?
We gotta get the fuck out of here.
No.
We are much safer here.
Where's Burt?
Police have have issued a call
for SWAT teams to defend on the area.
If you were planning to spend your Friday evening downtown,
it is quickly becoming apparent
that other plans should be made,
because this seems to be a rapidly escalating situation
and turning into something that we haven't seen
since the Los Angeles riots in 1992.
While information is coming in muddled at best,
we now have reports of attacks south of the downtown area
and moving into residential areas as far west as
If you are indoors, it is strongly suggested
that you remain where you are until we can get a grasp
of exactly what we are dealing with here.
The situation seems to be growing by the minute.
The metropolitan area is likely going to be put
into some kind of a lockdown or quarantine,
though at such a mass scale,
I'm not exactly sure how something like that
can be carried out.
The police and the National Guard are on full alert
as you might imagine.
Several of our staff have gone to the street level
with cameras in order to see what we can pick up
outside our studio.
If you're just joining us now, a quick update,
as Air Force One makes its way back across the Mid-Atlantic,
we're expecting a news briefing with the White House
and the vice president.
We are told that we will be given new information
in just under 13 minutes from now.
Please stay with us as this news
is changing from minute to minute.
I'm gonna send it over to my colleague,
Mort Driscoll, who's in the field.
He's broadcasting
Close, close, close, close.
Help!
- Give me some help! - Oh my God!
Give me some help! I could use some help here, man!
- A little help- - Shit.
- Help me! - Push him in!
Just get him in there.
- That's it. - What the hell, man?
- Is that blood? - No.
I choked the wind out of him.
Everybody just get back.
What the hell's going on here?
Uh, that...
Whoa!
What'd you do that for?
What!?
Well, now he can come back up as soon as he comes to!
Not to mention, bring some friends.
That wasn't Tanner!
I just saw him downstairs.
We need to do something before he wakes up.
We need to do something now!
Stop it. Stop it. He is already awake.
We need to do something that's gonna stop him for good.
How are we gonna do that?
Burt.
- Burt! - Come on, guys.
We've got to think about what we're doing.
- Burt. - Burt.
That's a mop, Burt.
You're gonna kill him with a mop?
Jesus, Burt. Easy, man.
Everybody stay back.
Stay back, stay back. Everybody just stay back.
That's not good.
Oh, shit!
Shit.
I don't know if I'm happy or scared that he is not here.
It wasn't gone long enough for him
to make it back down to the garage.
He probably got off a floor or two below us.
Oh shit!
It's closing!
There's a kill switch in there. Come on!
I got it, I got it.
He's got keys, right?
Yeah.
Yeah. He's a security guy.
We're not done here.
And that's supposed to do what?
Fuck you.
I gotta get a hold of Gabby.
I gotta get her in the car and tell her to, uh,
- start driving. - Where?
Anywhere, I don't care, just away!
Are you serious? The freeways are jammed.
You heard what happened on the bridge.
You should tell her to lock the door,
turn out the lights and pretend like she's not home.
I'm sorry. I didn't tell you that she called before.
Look, leave it, leave it.
Aw shit, it's busy.
- Here, I'll keep trying. - Leave it!
Burt! Do we have any callers on?
Okay, uh...
Uh, you're on.
Where are you, man? What happened?
You went off the air and I'm like freaking out, fool.
Um, well, we've had a few things to deal with here.
You're leaving your post? You can't just do that.
Uh, well, it's, uh,
we've all got a lot of stuff on our plate here.
- Uh, anyway- - Paranoia.
- What about it? - You asked for it.
I guess you got it, culero.
You're a fucking asshole.
Sorry about that, Loge.
Okay, folks, it looks like, uh,
we're getting some news on television right now.
Good evening.
I have a brief announcement
and I will not be taking any questions.
At approximately 11:05 p.m. in the East
and 8:05 on the West Coast,
a series of explosions occurred
at a number of sporting events
and public gatherings across the country.
While initial reports indicate
that the explosions itself caused only minor damage,
there seems to be evidence that these explosions
were themselves, the trigger
for release of some foreign substance or toxin
in the area of the explosions.
We're not sure of the nature
of what was released at this time.
The Center for Disease Control is conducting
a full battery of tests and we will announce their findings
as soon as they are made available.
It happened. It finally happened.
The total number of victims affected
could be in the tens of thousands, perhaps more.
The National Guard has been activated in all states.
And effective immediately,
the National Terror Alert Status is now red.
All Americans are encouraged to stay calm, but vigilant.
Stay home, stay indoors,
tune into your television and radio broadcasts
for further information.
- That's it? That's it? - That's all they know?!
Well, at least we got some free advertising.
It doesn't make any sense.
How could an explosion make people
want to tear each other apart like that?
Uh, carjacking.
Maybe people just want to get out of there
as quickly as possible.
You saw...
My, uh, partner, the Gil man, disagrees.
Uh, you're on the air.
Man, thank God I got through
'cause I want to tell you what I know
'cause it's way more than what they're saying on TV.
And I don't know why they waiting 'cause it's obvious, man,
obvious to anyone who's seen one of these things
that they are sick and they contagious as a mother fucker.
These things, what do you mean things?
These things, man!
These sick mother fuckers running in the street
with the bloody eyes.
It ain't no riot.
I know riots and I live four miles from the arena
and it ain't no track star coming to jack me,
know what I'm saying?
No, I don't know what you're saying.
Can you, can you please be more clear?
I'm trying to, I'm confused here.
They're sick man, like with rabies.
You seen a dog with rabies,
they bite at you, they scratch you.
You got it man. Fast, like rapid onset.
Somebody got us good.
What are you saying?
That they, that this was a rabies bomb?
Logan, Logan, I got a situation.
I'm gonna have to get back at you.
Hey, guys.
The security guard, Tanner,
he scratched me in the elevator.
Should I be worried?
Are you bleeding?
No, I don't think so.
Do you feel like you're about to go crazy?
Yeah. Every day in my life.
You're fine.
Uh, caller, are you still there?
Logan.
All right, folks.
I am looking at a map on the television in our studio.
I'm going to hazard a guess that cities that are being shown
are the ones that have been attacked.
In no particular order, we have a Washington, DC,
New York City, Pittsburgh.
Seattle.
San Diego.
Los Angeles.
Uh, it's catastrophic.
Gabby, if you can hear me, uh, please call me.
Folks, Gabby is my wife.
Uh, the call that I,
I hope to hear first,
but, uh, our lines are open.
We will, uh, we will be taking your calls
throughout the night.
Uh, so please do call us.
Uh.
Our lines are open.
I don't get it.
These terrorists are smart,
but they're stupid.
I mean, they've got this super rabies
that they know is very infectious.
They have to know it's gonna go global
and it'll come back to them in the Middle East
and they'll start tearing themselves apart.
Nobody said this was from the Middle East.
Oh.
Oh. Where do you think it's from?
Maybe it's from the Taj Mahal, Gil.
That's a good one.
Anthrax wasn't from the Middle East.
Okay. Let's take a call.
You're on with Logan and Gill.
And Lucy.
Hey Logan, listen.
I'm calling from Eastbrook.
These crazies have made it here from downtown.
I can see them running up and down the streets
just going nuts, going in and out of houses,
pulling out women and children.
Oh God.
You saw it?
Yeah, this shit's happening right in front of me!
Oh geeze, I'm sorry. Can I say that on the air?
I don't think we have to worry about the FCC now.
Did you just say Eastbrook?
Yeah. South. Just off Monroe.
- Gabby. - What's going on there?
It's crazy, man!
There all over the place!
I gotta go.
God damn it. I gotta get out of here.
Gabby.
Gabby, if you can hear me, honey,
you need to lock all the doors,
barricade the place.
Uh, and please call me.
I'm sure they're fine, Lo.
I gotta go. I gotta go.
Logan. Logan. Wait.
Wait! Think!
You'll never make it!
Dude. She's right.
The roads are jammed.
Unless you go by foot, you're stuck.
You're stuck.
Unless you had a bike.
Oh God, say that you drove your bike today.
It's in the garage.
Look, you got to give me the keys.
You've never ridden a motorcycle.
You'll kill yourself.
How hard can it be?
You just turn the thing on the handle!
No, man, you won't make it out of the garage.
It's ringing.
Come on, come on.
You reached the Bernhardts.
Here comes the beep!
Gabby.
Gabby, are you there?
Honey, for God's sake, wake up and answer the phone.
Look, if you get this,
just lock everything and call the station.
I don't know what else to do.
I love you, Gabby. I'm scared.
Just take DD and find a safe spot to hide.
You'll be safe. Okay, you'll be fine.
Okay. I love you.
- I'll go. - What?
I'll go.
I'm the only one who can ride that bike.
Gil, you can't.
I can't ask you to do that.
Well, you don't have to ask because I'm already doing it.
The crazies are already out of downtown by now.
They've thinned out.
I'll take the side streets and you guys can stay on the air.
And you do that for me?
Oh, don't make me pull out a violin.
Of course, I'd do it for you.
You guys need to stay on the air.
Do what you do best.
I don't know what to say.
Well, that's a first.
Okay.
If you get to my place, if the roads are open,
you get Gabby and DD and you put them in the SUV
and you get out of the city.
What if it's as bad as we thought?
Then you barricade the house.
And you can even fuck up Gabby's curtains.
Hey, hey, hey.
This ear thingy, will this fit under your helmet?
All right. I got you patched in.
As long as there's cell coverage,
we should be able to broadcast.
Oh.
Gonna be one hell of a traffic report.
Be careful.
It's gonna be good radio.
I owe you, pally.
No, you put me on the number one radio show
when I was getting unemployment checks.
But there is one thing.
If I survive, I went Tuesdays.
You get to my family,
I will play your ignorant, but a lovable sidekick.
- You heard that. - Yeah.
All right, I'm gonna go down with you
and that way I can bring up the elevator.
Make sure he gets out of the garage.
You sure you want to take the elevator?
Well, I'm not taking the stairs if that's what you mean.
I may be nuts, but I'm not crazy.
Showtime.
- Hey. Talk to us. - Word.
Good luck.
You ready to do this?
Ready.
Hey, you all right, man?
- Are you there, pal? - Yeah, I'm here.
I'm here. We're headed down now.
Folks, uh, for the next, uh,
what I hope will be a very short duration,
Uh, you'll be listening to a live broadcast
from a very good friend of mine.
A very good friend, indeed.
Gilbert Brick man.
Uh, he's taking to the streets,
uh, in an attempt both to reach my,
my family, my, my wife and daughter,
but also to provide us a live and lucid firsthand account
of the terrible events that are unfolding today.
And with that introduction, oh crap.
Oh, shit.
Murphy, you lawmaking son of a bitch.
Turn it back on.
Now they're off. On.
You all right there?
Oh, shit.
Burt!
It's me, it's me!
He's going freaking crazy!
Help! Help!
He can't get through the helmet.
He can't get through my helmet.
Burt, get off me!
Get off of me!
Don't make me...
I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just stabbed Bert.
His, his mop.
I stabbed him.
Oh, damn it.
I'm getting him off the elevator.
Logan.
Loge.
I'm not sure what you want me to do here, but I'm...
I'm just sticking with the plan.
I'm sending the elevator back up
but Burt is not going to be on it.
Get the kill switch.
Loge, you know I had no choice, man.
I really had no choice.
Keep the door open.
Gil, it's not your fault.
Well, it's nice you say that.
Are you all right?
I feel like I'm gonna puke.
No, no, Gil. You're going to see my family, damn it.
- Are you all right? - Aw, yeah, yeah.
Full leather. He couldn't touch me.
I'm to my bike!
Come on, come on, come on!
My bike!
My bike is fucked.
Come on! Not now!
All right, I'm gonna try to get it moving,
I'm gonna try to get moving.
Here we go.
Oh, shit! Come on, baby!
Damn it, damn it!
They cut off my exit. Where's another exit!?
Where's another exit? Tell me now!
Is it back here?!
Back here.
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Okay, mother fucker!
Logan,
Burt is going out.
I'm at the gate!
Come on, come on.
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Dude, get out of here!
All right, I'm out.
I'm on the street.
We're right here. Right with ya, pal.
The connection isn't great, but we got you.
Burt is uh, he followed me out
but the gate was lodged open.
He could go back in and I don't know
whatever else out there could go back in too!
Did you kill that elevator?
Uh, Lucy's on it.
Okay, well, once she's back,
I'd say barricade the doors in there
and don't open anything for anyone.
Okay. I think I'm lost.
- Do you see any street signs? - No. No.
It's kind, It's a warehouse. Yeah.
- Are you still downtown? - Just hold a second.
Gil.
Gil, what's happening.
- Gil, can you hear me? - Just hold on.
Gil.
- Oh shit! - What?
Hold on. I gotta get out of here.
These freaks are all over the place.
Hold on, hold on, I gotta...
Hey, hey, hey!
Okay, I just got jumped!
There's like 500 people all at once
coming like a feeding frenzy.
Everybody's screwed up!
I'm gonna get back on the main street.
Gil, try to find the intersection, the address.
Are you all right? Can you hear me?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm back downtown.
I'm on Western. Okay.
This is all...
It's like a ghost town out here.
It's not what we thought.
There's less people than we thought.
I don't know if the people are dead or hiding.
Or already turned.
Are people in groups, alone?
Uh, has everyone turned?
Man, I wish I knew.
I seem to be the only one on the road that's not infected.
Well, it could be like 9/11, everyone's...
Yeah, it just makes me crazy for being out here.
Oh crap!
Hold on, Loge.
Hey, Logan.
I hope your wife is listening
'cause she better have that door open.
Gil!
Keep talking to us.
- Oh, baby! - What is it?
Gil, are you there?
Can you hear me?
If you can hear me please, Gil.
Logan?
Uh, folks, for those of you listening
and those of you just now tuning in,
we did have a live connection with my partner, Gil,
who is making his way through town.
We are attempting to reestablish that contact.
So, uh, so please bear with me.
How many of you are in the building?
I don't know. I don't know who's in the building.
There were maybe four of us up here.
I don't know
What do you mean you don't know?
I don't know. I can't think with that thing in my face.
Who else is in the building!?
One of us just left.
One isn't coming back.
I, I...
Maybe just two!
Sh!
You better hope there's only two.
Good evening. You're on with Logan Bernhardt.
What's on your mind?
Logan.
It's me, Vernon.
Vernon. It's good to hear your voice.
I remember when I told you before I heard a noise
and I had to go?
I was right.
Someone was spying on me.
I found him in my living room.
I think he must've been FBI or CIA or something.
He attacked me.
I figured he must've heard us talking
and decided to do something about the wire tap and all.
They must really hate us talking about our secret.
Vernon, have you been watching TV?
Have you been listening to the show?
This guy tore me up something fierce.
I played dead for a bit
and that seemed to fool him because he took off.
Vernon, this is not what you think.
Something has happened.
You're not the only one.
I know.
There's many more who've been singled out
by big brother, but...
Logan.
I'm not sure I'll gonna be able to call in anymore.
I just wanna tell you I really love listening to you.
There's a reason your number one.
Vernon, are you still there?
I...
I can't see.
My eyes are getting blurry.
They, they sting.
Oh my God.
They're bleeding!
Vernon, stay with me.
Oh, it hurts so...
Uh, we'll be right back after this break.
What is this? Who are you?
Just a fan here to hijack your listeners.
How many do you have right now?
What?
How many right now are listening?
A million a show.
Sometimes more.
Tonight, probably a lot more.
Tonight.
What's been happening?
You had something to do with this.
I want you to go on there and tell your million listeners
you just got a call from FEMA.
It's of the up most importance
they get out of their homes and leave the city.
Oh, that's, that's crazy.
They...
They're safer inside.
- The streets are completely- - Yes, I know.
But that is
what you will tell 'em.
You tell him they must.
For there will be a nuclear explosion
in the center of the town.
He's lying.
Am I lying when I say I will shoot you
and her and never once regret it?
Sit!
Go on there and say what I want
or I will kill your friend.
I want people out of their homes.
Make no mention of my presence.
Everyone, uh,
I've just gotten a notice from my producer.
As terrible as this night has already been,
we now get word that there is a nuclear device
that has been activated
and set to explode
at an undisclosed location somewhere downtown.
Do you think I'm a fool?
Do it or I will kill you and make the announcement myself.
I want you to place the whole blame
on the Muslims for everything.
I want to hear the hatred in your voice.
This is bullshit, Logan.
What?
I want you to blame the Muslim religion.
Do it!
Thank you for staying with us.
It has come to our attention
that not only are there tens of thousands of maniacs
running loose on the streets of downtown,
there's also now a word of a potential nuclear threat.
This is a first report,
but it seems likely it's due to Muslim terrorists.
Look, I take that back.
There isn't anything likely about it.
It's the Muslims, who the hell else would it be?
I mean, come on these camel jockey towel heads
have been responsible for all the grief in this country
since September 11th, 2001.
I mean, hell even further back than that.
I mean, can anyone ever remember a time
when there wasn't a turbulence and terrorism
and general catastrophic fucked up shit
coming out of the Middle East?
I mean, take your pick.
You've got the Ayatollah, Bin Laden, Saddat,
Saddam, Arafat, the Chechen Rebels, suicide bombers.
I mean, what the hell?
Can't you people just get a hobby
where someone doesn't end up lying dead in the street?
We live in a new era, people.
Anthrax was used by pussies.
Oh, we're way past that now.
We're into the big boy toys.
We're gonna take another short break and be back after,
after nothing.
I don't have any commercials.
Please just stay with us.
Mr. Bernhardt.
Very good.
It will do.
Why the Muslim angle?
Anger, hate.
Against your own people.
You stoke the fire.
Then you focus it.
Such is politics.
Seven hours left.
Continue your show, do whatever you do.
Answer calls or...
Just don't mention that I'm here.
Thanks for staying with us.
You'll have to excuse these periodic breaks.
This is not your typical Logan Bernhardt Show tonight.
We started this evening with, uh,
the topic of paranoia.
How appropriate of a topic that ended up being.
The phone lines are open.
You're on the air.
Logan, it's me, Gabby.
Oh, thank God you're all right.
Are you safe, honey?
Yes.
Did Gil make it to the house?
Gil's coming here?
Logan, what's going on?
I turned on the show after I heard your message.
Why did you just say those things about Muslims?
Sometimes the truth hurts and it,
some things need to be said.
I know you don't believe that.
Is DD all right?
She's fine.
Logan, why did you just say those things?
Honey, there's something I need to tell you.
I'm being...
Oh God.
Oh.
Gabby, are you still there?
Logan!
Hello?
Mommy.
Gil!
Come around, come around the front door.
Go get the front door, baby.
Logan, Gil's here.
Okay. Oh, that's great.
Tell him to...
Logan!
Gabby?
Mommy!
- Go! - One, one.
Shh, shh!
Call 911!
Go call 911, okay?
Go, go!
Hurry.
It's busy!
Mommy!
Gabby!
Sh.
I want you to explain that the virus release
was developed by a US lab in Quantico, Virginia,
under a contract to the Department of Defense.
Another lie to spread panic?
Every word true.
Now is when we focus.
Shift the hate in the proper direction.
People aren't about hate and blame.
They're trying to survive, you moron.
You have very big mouth.
In seven hours when man's family dies at his feet,
he thinks of only who to blame.
And the blood is on your flag.
What civilized nation develops new diseases,
new bombs, always new methods to kill and control?
You think a man in a bombed out hole in Afghanistan
made this virus?
Make the announcement.
Let your people know the hell that was made in their name.
Do it.
Fuck you!
Lucy, get the gun!
Get the gun!
Enough!
Sit before I kill you.
You do that again and your brain will spray the walls.
Sit!
My syringe!
You killed me! You killed me!
I have a kid.
As do I.
Now with no father. You broke my syringe!
I need that vaccine!
Perhaps our father has chosen,
we'll one day kill each other.
Wait! I can get you a syringe.
Downstairs in accounting, our, our account manager.
He's a diabetic.
He has needles in his desk.
You go. Get up.
Takes the stairs. Go!
I trust you know not to leave the building.
If you're not back in 10 minutes,
I kill her and come seeking you.
I'll be back in five.
I'm thirsty.
Is there more water?
Oh my God.
- Your eyes. - I need water.
Just here.
The supply closet is right here.
Through the door.
Right here, see this door?
You're turning into one of those things, aren't you?
I was exposed.
Without the antiserum, I will change soon.
How long do you have?
Now, you're an investigative reporter?
Why not wait for to tell you what to think?
I did hard news for six years.
Your hard news is runaway brides
and celebrities and rehab.
Show me bullet wounds in your body
and then tell me about hard news.
Where's American media with Israel
phosphorus bombing on Lebanese children at night?
Where is American media when Obama Bin Laden
cashes his paychecks from the CIA.
So Osama Bin Laden isn't hardcore enough for you?
Osama Bin Laden is your Santa Claus.
A lie.
So what happens in seven hours?
In seven hours, the virus
will have overwhelmed the bodies.
And you're infected start to drop death in the street
and then it's over.
There is no global
plague.
Just enough to destroy a city.
Say, every man, woman, and child in Tehran
as it was intended by your sick fucking government.
If you hate the government so much,
why did you attack the American people?
People get the government they deserve.
So fuck your people.
Holy shit, Mag!
- What are you doing here? - I don't know!
I tried to get upstairs, but all the lines were busy.
And have you heard what's happening?
Stop, stop, stop!
I know all that, I know all that.
I know everything.
Look, there's a guy upstairs.
He's got a gun and he's got Lucy.
- Oh my god! - You can help.
I need to go upstairs now.
- No! No! - Listen to me.
Maggie! Maggie, listen to me!
It's okay, he doesn't...
Lie down.
It's all right.
It's all right. It's okay.
Where is this fucking man!?
We both are going to die.
Quickly!
- Logan! - I'm coming
but I'm not alone!
Stop!
Kill him!
The syringe, give it to me.
Hurry!
Make your peace.
What are you gonna shoot us now?
Make your peace with God, my friend.
I just saved your life, asshole!
You know what your problem is?
You don't give a fuck about anything.
There's a lot of talk, talk, talk,
and shooting guns in the air and burning flags
- Enough! - And blaming this person
and blaming that country.
But the bottom line, you like to kill,
it feeds you, it gives you power, makes you a man.
Oh my God. Maggie.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
- No, no. - What?
I seemed to have gotten a bit of a scratch.
Logan, lie down.
Don't move.
- I wanna see Gabby. - You'll see Gabby.
Stay with me, Logan.
Logan!
Logan, listen. Good morning.
They're dropping like flies now, man.
There's like six or eight of them in front of my house.
I'm so tired.
Folks, this is your host, Logan Bernhardt
and we're just about done here.
Probably a couple of days away but
it appears as though we have
and will continue to survive.
I want to thank you sincerely one last time
for your ears,
your voices,
and most of all for helping us help each other.
You're saying you've got an antiserum?
Yes.
I need that vaccine!
So what happens in seven hours?
Take it.
In seven hours the virus
will have overrun the bodies.
Your infected start to drop dead in the street
and then it's over.
You hate the government so much,
why did you attack the American people?
The virus release was developed
by a US lab in Quantico, Virginia,
You saw it. I want to be clear.
Is this something you've heard or something you've seen?
I was one of them.
People get the government they deserve.
I think that's my sign off.
My producer is gone now with the World Health Organization,
all our hopes go with her.
If they can find some solution to this virus.
Frankly, right now, I just want to see my family.
Gabby?
Gil?
Gabby.
Gabby?
Oh!
I'm so glad you're all right.
Tens of thousands of years of human history,
millions of years of evolution,
and still when we build something
as often it's to destroy as to create.
That cycle of vengeance is like a blight on society,
a literal blight,
and not just our society, but human society.
We're all victim to the same terrible impulses.
And until we can find a way to redirect our energies
toward the good, instead of that darkness,
God help us all.