Stand by, everybody, as we turn
the calendar back 500 years
and bring you the 123rd running of the Canterbury Tournament.
The weather is clear, and it looks
as if attendance records will be smashed.
Yes, sirree.
Red-hot plum pudding. Plum pudding here.
Get your programs here.
You can't tell one knight from another without a program.
To the winner of this famous tournament today
will go riches, honor and glory, and the frail, white,
delicate hand of the princess, Esmeralda,
fairest flower in all the kingdom.
Ya-hoo!
What a prize for stout-hearted knights
to do and die for.
We take you to the challenger, Sir Loinsteak.
Fourteen points of brawn, muscle and courage.
Blonde and blue-eyed, ready to go against the champion
for the heavyweight slugging title of the British Empire.
Here we have the little man who, since morning,
has been preparing his knight for the big day.
Introducing Cedric, the loyal servant,
who dreams of some afternoon when he will become a knight
and face death for the smile of a lovely princess.
But today Cedric's duty is to see to it
that his master is overhauled.
New piston rings, brakes realigned,
body simonized and a change of oil.
The big moment's close.
The crowd is on its toes and yelling for action.
We go into final preparations for the big event.
The all-important touches that may snatch victory from defeat.
Uh-oh! Hurry, Cedric, hurry!
Get rid of it, stupid. Anywhere. Under the rug.
No time to lose.
Before you can say "Jack Robinson", the two gladiators
will be out there, slugging it out for the championship.
Betting favors the champion,
but the challenger is going in with confidence.
There may be an upset if Sir Loinsteak turns the tables.
Matter of seconds before the two contestants meet face-to-face.
The last-minute... But wait! Something's gone wrong here.
Sir Loinsteak is completely out. A cold knight!
There's a slip-up. Looks as though the tournament
may be off.
There's Cedric. Look here, Cedric.
You're in the armor now. Fate has smiled upon you.
Lucky stiff. This is your big chance.
Imagine... You, Cedric, can be a hero.
Win the glory, riches and honor.
To say nothing of the fair hand of the princess Esmeralda.
Think of it, Cedric. The chance of a lifetime.
Now, coming out on the field,
Sir Cumference, the champion.
Old Ironpants, they call him. Never lost his seat in combat.
Many a knight has gone down in defeat
beneath the hoofs of his trusty war horse.
Here we have the challenger.
It's the loyal Cedric, doubling for Sir Loinsteak,
willing to do or die for his master.
Or could it be the fair princess, Esmeralda?
Looks like love at first sight.
With an inspiration like this, how could anyone fail?
Easy, there, Cedric. Easy does it.
The knights and horses are in the starting gate.
Battle stations, visors down, lances set.
Any minute now. Although Sir Cumference, the champion, is the favorite,
anything can happen out here this afternoon
and probably will.
The crowd is waiting for the starting signal.
The fans are on their toes. And there they go!
The champion is going to the front. Here comes Cedric.
Both move at a furious pace. It's gonna be ghastly.
It's close. Cedric is on the rail, here's the champion.
Coming up the line of scrimmage.
It's all over.
With Sir Cumference the winner and champion.
Bravo, bravo.
Boo! Boo!
Just a minute, folks. Hold your horses. What's this?
Yes, it is. Believe it or not, Cedric is in there again.
What a fighting heart.
The champion sets himself for another charge.
There's the windup, the pitch. The champion connects.
A line drive going over third base.
No, a long foul ball into the left field bleachers.
Little Cedric is right back in there.
It's a hot knight we have out there this afternoon.
But the champion is on his toes.
That's a mighty fistful of sword.
He means business. He's going in for the kill.
Poor Cedric. This looks like the beginning of the end.
No knight living could stand up under this powerhouse.
It may be the kid's last ride,
but he's right in there pitchin'.
And he connects.
What a sock this little fellow packs.
The champ rocks back on this heels.
Cedric sprung a surprise that time.
But the champion is slashing back now
with a right and a left.
He's making every blow count. One, two, three, oh!
No-holds-barred in this battle.
There's a smashing right
and Cedric loses his head for a moment.
Now the champion takes one on the noggin.
The champ is taking more time. He's lost confidence.
This challenger is no creampuff.
He moves in and lets fly with an attack.
Left, right, left, right, left, right.
The champ is throwing everything he's got at Cedric.
He can't take this bombardment much longer.
Why doesn't somebody stop this? It just don't seem human.
It's unbearable. There ought to be a law.
Why, the whole suit will have to be scrapped,
including Cedric.
But wait. The champion seems to be tiring.
Those blows are losing some of their speed.
The champ is breathing hard now.
Again, we take you inside with Cedric.
Plenty cool, this boy.
Something's happening. Let's have a look-see.
Could it be that Ironpants is beginning to weaken?
Yes, he reels in his saddle. He's going down!
Yes, he's down!
- Ya-hoo! - That wraps it up, folks.
The winner and new champion, little old Cedric.
That's the way it goes, folks. Chump one day, champ the next.
What a day for a knight and what a knight for a day.