I was born twice.
Actually, three times.
The first time, as a little boy,
on an unusually warm January day in Rome.
A few years later, I was born again. This time, as a little girl,
among the forested hills of central Italy,
and my mother named me Arianna.
The third time was when I was finally born,
in the summer, when my father got back to the lake house
where I’d grown up as a child.
But it was 20 years before this birth came.
Can you hand me the keys?
Thanks, sweetheart.
So, what do you think?
-It’s beautiful. -Beautiful? Wait till you see the rest.
This was your room.
-It seemed so much bigger then. -You were three years old.
-I remember this. -No, that’s not possible. You were tiny.
Yeah, remember?
We used to play that game…
-“The Angel.” -Maybe.
I forgot to give you something. A present.
Thanks, Mom.
-It’s adorable, isn’t it? -Yeah, it’s nice.
Well, I thought you could wear it for the party.
-Try it on at least. -Yeah, sure, we'll see.
Marcello.
Uncle Arduino is here.
-Did you tell him we were here? -I didn’t tell him anything.
He must have found out when we went shopping.
-What a pain. -We’ll have a drink and say we’re tired.
Hi.
I’m so glad you took the house back.
At least we can spend summers together, right?
Speaking of which, my dear Arduino,
I’d like to go on a nice excursion.
-Really? -Yeah.
This poor thing has never seen this place.
She could see the islands around the lake.
-Exactly. -I can’t wait to take a swim.
Sure, a swim.
But also to see the sites. Right?
Nice.
When do you want to go?
Tomorrow.
Do you remember a little boy who used to play with me here?
There were thousands of boys around here.
Yeah, but he was my best friend…
Mattia.
Mattia, yes.
-Yes. -What happened to him?
They moved out, before we did.
It's a pity.
-There aren’t many raspberries. -No.
-Somebody must have been here. -Your father.
I’ve prepared everything. It’s all ready.
Full tank. The lights are working,
in case you guys get back late.
-Anchor's new, 'cause the old one broke-- -Don’t worry, Arduino. We can manage.
Well, it’s up to you guys.
Where are you headed? Martana Island?
I don't know.
Martana Island is incredible. Really wild--
-I think we'll go to Bisentina Island. -Ah, Bisentina Island is beautiful.
It’s an incredible place.
Do you know the story?
-No. -There was a queen.
Her husband locked her up in a cave, because he was jealous,
and left her there.
They found her scratch marks on the walls.
People think her ghost is still there--
-That's Martana Island. -Oh, right. That's on Martana Island.
You know, when I told Celeste you were here,
she was really excited.
I’ll bring her over.
Bye, have fun!
Now you drive.
I was in love with this boat,
so I told Uncle Arduino, "We have to steal it."
Poor Arduino did everything I told him to do.
I was the older one. He was pretty scared.
And how old were you guys?
I was 14, and he was ten.
-He was just a kid! -A kid, but he had to keep the lookout.
As soon as I got the boat in the water,
"Fishermen! Fishermen!"
I thought, “We’ll escape and hide out on Bisentina."
"Sooner or later, these fishermen will get tired.”
But they could’ve followed you.
In fact, a small boat arrived from over there,
with three angry fishermen on board. Imagine, what an awful ride back.
Mom's seemed a bit strange since we arrived.
You think so?
Maybe.
Well, it’s not easy to return to a place you thought you’d left for good.
-Were you guys happy when you lived here? -Of course we were happy.
It’s hopeless. I can’t do it.
The sky blue we need.
Sky-blue?
-Like the sky. -It's too dark though.
Yeah, but between the clouds.
Whatever, it’s glittery!
Dad said you took his boat out.
Yeah, we went to the island. That one.
You could have at least called me.
We could have gone to my boyfriend’s party afterwards.
You have a boyfriend?
I told you I had a bunch of stuff to tell you.
Since when?
Three months.
-And what’s he like? Tell me. -He's hot.
Not very tall, but totally hot.
Well, thank God, 'cause you’re a shrimp.
-As if you’re some giant. -I’m taller than you.
Yeah, right. Maybe by an inch.
-What do you mean, an inch? -It’s true.
Look.
Yeah, an inch.
-Okay, one and a half. -Look at our heads.
No, that’s not fair, because heads are round.
Of course they’re round.
-Okay, two inches. -Yeah, sure.
So, tell me, where did you meet him?
Actually, I already knew him.
Then we bumped into each other at a party, and started talking,
then we went to the Tamure Club,
and then, well,
it was just the two of us. It was so…
Romantic.
-Wanna go again? -Okay.
Turn around.
Go.
-You're up early. -I thought we'd have breakfast together.
How long has it been since you've seen Celeste?
Not since Christmas, I think.
Now that we're here, I'll be seeing her more.
So, it's been six months?
Yes, more or less.
Did you notice how different she is? Her breasts are so big now.
Ari, don’t obsess.
Everyone develops at different times. Not everybody’s the same.
They're hurting again.
I think it's normal, you know?
Let me feel.
Have you spoken to Dad about it?
No, I'm speaking to you about it.
And I'm telling you to speak to Dad, 'cause he's a doctor--
I know he’s a doctor, but he’s been telling me the same thing for two years.
-Okay, I’ll talk to him too. -I don’t need you to talk to him.
You tell me then, Ari.
-What can I do? -Don’t worry.
Dad, I don't want to go to Daniele anymore.
I want to change my gynecologist.
It doesn't seem like we're getting anywhere.
What do you mean?
On the contrary, you’re making lots of progress.
What progress?
Even if they're a bit sore,
it seems to me your breasts are growing.
-Like I care about that-- -Ah, now you don't care about that?
Last year you bugged us to death about it.
You know, that soreness is a sign that the hormones are working.
Then why haven't I had my period yet?
Remember what Daniele said? These things take time.
So, I might never get it?
Says who?
What’s wrong with changing my gynecologist?
It’s not wrong, it’s bullshit.
-All right, forget it. -Daniele is a great doctor.
He’s known you for 20 years. You think you'll find better than him?
Hey. What’s the problem?
I already told you what the problem is.
Well, let's just say I didn’t understand.
What’s stressing you out so much?
The soreness, or the period that doesn’t come?
Nothing’s stressing me out, Dad.
-You have to be calm. -But I am calm. I’m just saying--
Quiet.
It’s a big one.
-You up for it? -Yes.
Use your shoulder.
One, two, three, up! Come on.
Here, perfect.
Hand me the knife.
Do you want to do it?
What do I need to do?
The wall.
Ari, fetch some water, so we can wash out some of this crap.
Put it here.
Thanks.
Roberto, here’s some water.
-Nello, what the hell are you doing here? -Marcello's back after 20 years.
-You think I won't slap him around a bit? -Come and give me hug.
-Hey, fellas. -Hi, Nello.
My compliments. Nice beast you’ve caught.
She got the largest one.
Don’t tell me you’re this loser’s daughter?
Where’s your brother?
What brother? She's my only one. Or did you forget?
This guy needs a drink.
-I'll be right back. -Yeah.
What’s going on?
I’m staying here.
-What do you mean, you’re staying here? -I want to study for my exams.
Are you guys kidding me?
Let her stay. We have to come back for the party anyway.
Don’t make me go back in this heat.
-And you approve of this? -What did I tell you?
All alone here?
I won’t be alone. Uncle and Celeste are here.
-I know, Ari, but-- -Come on, Mom.
All right. Stay. We’ll stay. I’ll stay with you.
No, you don’t understand.
What’s the problem? I won’t bother you.
Maybe I wanted to invite some friends.
I understand. You can still invite some friends. I never stopped you
from inviting them.
I’ll go get my things. Thanks a lot.
Speak soon.
What’s the big deal? If she wants to stay, let her stay.
Looks like you've already decided.
I’m Silvia, and I’m here because
I’d like to discover new things about my sexuality.
I’m Elena, I’m 20, and I’m here
to resolve internal conflicts around my sexuality.
Okay, we are investigating what it means to be a woman,
and above all, how to discover our own sexuality.
Often, sexuality is borrowed and isn’t born from within,
and is something one is forced to accept,
via the different experiences each one of us has.
Let’s see...
What do you all think about this?
Is this mental pleasure, in your opinion?
What do you think about that?
I mean, in the sense that not everyone has the same type of orgasm,
or the same intensity of pleasure,
so I think it’s connected to the mind.
Do all of us have orgasms?
Not having one, I think,
is a sign that something inside you isn’t right.
In my case, I’ve had one. I reached it,
and it’s wonderful.
Let’s see.
When do you think you first encounter sexuality?
When you’re about 13 or 14,
and you start to look at yourself in the mirror, you see yourself as pretty,
and maybe you put on a dress to go to a party,
and you start chatting with your schoolmates,
flirting a little bit. Maybe then.
Okay, choose someone who can be a mirror,
and speak to yourself in front of that mirror.
-Valentina. -Come here.
Now, have a conversation with the mirror.
What's changing in my body?
I have breasts now.
I'm becoming a woman. I’ve gotten…
I've gotten my first period, so I know I’m fertile and able to have a baby…
Marcello, my love.
I tried calling you at the hotel, but they tell me you’ll be gone all day,
and I can’t sleep,
so I’m writing to you.
Today, Arduino’s daughter was born.
Celeste.
What a shame you weren’t here.
What a beautiful name, don’t you think?
She's so beautiful.
She has such big eyes, and a full head of hair.
She already seems like she’s not afraid of anything.
We spent the afternoon together.
But your cousin, at a certain point, took me aside,
maybe because he was feeling emotional about the new baby.
He stuttered, once again, that he thinks we are making a mistake.
He said that children are gifts, and are to be accepted as they come.
I didn’t answer him.
But when I got home, I cried.
If you’d been here, he wouldn’t have dared say those things.
I feel so confused.
Today, I was in that hospital for such a joyous occasion,
and the thought of going back next month for such a different reason made me sad.
I know you want me to be stronger,
and I will be.
As long as you’re here with me.
Come back soon. Good night.
Adele.
Ari?
Come here!
Shut up already.
-I thought you hated it. -What?
-Well, this place. -Why?
You were never with your parents when they came here.
-Why, did they come often? -No, not often.
Anyway, it’s so weird.
-You’ve got such big boobs now. -I know.
And all of a sudden, look.
Last year, they were still like yours.
But yours haven’t grown much.
Come on. I let you see mine.
Hard nipples.
Mine are much softer.
-Yeah? -Well, yeah.
My boyfriend really likes them, but they were better before.
The famous Piero.
Maybe on Saturday, you’ll meet him.
-What do you do with Piero? -What do I do?
-Do you sleep with him? -Yeah.
Actually, my first time was with him.
Did it hurt?
Yeah, a little at first.
But now it’s going well.
-Was it his first time, too? -Yeah, right.
So, he taught you?
Yes, a bit at first.
But then I did too.
One could say I also taught him.
How so?
Well, I started to touch myself, so I could tell him what I liked.
And you? Do you have a boyfriend?
No, not at the moment.
But there’s a boy I like.
Actually, he’s chasing after me.
-And did you do it with him? -No, I just met him.
Hey, what's wrong with you?
Should we get naked?
Celeste is pretty bold, isn’t she?
Yeah.
But it’s not like I know her that well.
Now she wants to invite some friends over to my place.
-But I don’t know if I really want her to. -Why not? It’ll be fun.
-You think? -Yes.
Sorry, I don't get it. You tell me to come over and you don't want to party?
Okay, so we’ll invite them over.
Pass it over! Go!
-Stop him! -Pass the ball! Run!
Go, go! Back, Pietro!
Goal!
Go!
Run! Help!
I tried to make love, but it hurt too much.
So much so that we couldn't go through with it.
But I knew it.
Every time I’ve tried by myself, either I didn’t feel anything,
or when I insisted, it really hurt.
Have you ever been to a gynecologist before?
Yes, but he’s my father’s friend.
My father’s a doctor too.
So I’m scared he’d go and tell him everything.
And I don't want him to know about this either.
I’d like to figure this out by myself.
Have you ever had any other gynecological problems?
Yes, actually, I still do. I have a kind of hormonal dysfunction.
So, my period hasn't started yet.
-Do you know what kind of dysfunction? -Amenorrhea, I guess.
No, I mean, do you know what's causing the amenorrhea?
No, I don’t know.
-Do you think that’s why it hurts? -No, don’t worry.
You know, I’m a doctor like your father. We ask a lot of useless questions.
Are you taking any medication?
Yes, I wear these patches. They're called Dermestril.
And have you noticed any results?
My breasts have grown a bit, but…
it’s brought on a bit of discomfort.
You mean they hurt?
Yes.
Okay. Shall we begin the examination?
I noticed you have a scar above your pubic area.
What is that from?
A hernia.
Do you know where you had your surgery, by any chance?
You grew up around here, right?
What does the hernia have to do with anything?
Nothing, it’s just that…
we could get your medical records without contacting your doctor.
Listen, the only decent surgical ward around here is in Viterbo.
That’s where you’ll go to do the exams.
Once you’re there, go to the medical records office.
I know a clerk.
If your medical records are there, she’ll find them right away.
Arianna?
Ari?
Want some?
Yeah.
Sorry about what happened.
Anyway, I think it's better if you leave tomorrow.
Or we could just stay here, eat cereal.
Hello, I need to do some exams. Can you help me?
-Yes, did you fill out the forms? -Yes.
Thank you.
Arianna Ferri?
Stay still. Don’t breath.
Now you can breathe again, miss.
I need you to find a file for me.
Ferri,
Arianna Ferri.
-Nineteen ninety-five, right? -Yes.
Yes, that’s the one. Could you please bring it over?
Arianna.
Arianna, excuse me.
I wanted to introduce you to Dr. Linguiti.
Hi.
We were looking at your tests and realized it would be helpful
to do a further checkup.
What do you mean?
We’d only take up a little bit of your time.
-But what would that entail? -A gynecological visit.
Actually, I already have a gynecologist. She’s the one who told me to come here.
But the fact that she sent you here to us
means she still has some doubts, as we do, which is why
we need to do this extra visit.
Don't worry, it's nothing.
Shall we go?
Okay, yes. I’m coming. But I have to wait for my folder.
It’s on its way.
-Your medical folder? -Yes.
Have you already been treated in this hospital?
-Many years ago. -For what?
For a hernia.
-A hernia? Where? -In the groin.
Arianna, excuse me, here’s your folder.
-Thanks a lot. -You're welcome.
I’ll take that. Shall we go to the examination room?
Let's go, Arianna.
Good morning.
This detail is very interesting.
I thought it would be good to have a look at it together.
More than a look, I'd say.
Who's this girl's doctor? Who sent her here to us?
I don’t know.
We have to be discreet.
The results need to go directly to her doctor.
-Can I see the scan, please? -Sure.
No, there’s no doubt.
MRI?
Speculum and light.
Now just relax, you'll just feel a bit of cold.
Hi, good morning.
Good morning.
-When did you get here? -Last night.
How are you doing, darling?
They’re already setting up for the party downstairs.
Let me open the window.
What a beautiful day!
Ari, my goodness…
what a mess.
Let’s go downstairs so you can tell me what you’ve been up to.
Martino came over…
to see me.
You didn’t tell me on the phone.
Sorry.
And? Did you guys have a good time?
It didn't go so well.
Really?
Does he like you? I mean, do you guys like each other?
Yeah, yeah.
But?
What went wrong?
Something's wrong.
What do you mean "wrong"?
Did he sleep here?
Yes.
Maybe it's normal…
in the beginning…
that it doesn’t go… smoothly.
It could just be a matter of time.
I'm sure the next time you see each other…
Look how beautiful you are.
Come and have some breakfast.
I’ll wait for you downstairs.
You are okay, aren’t you?
How do I look?
I’m going to take a walk.
-You’re going now? -Yes, while you guys finish getting ready.
I’ll be back in a little while.
-What does your mother think? -I don’t know, you tell her.
Arianna?
-What is it? -You were right.
-About what? -About the gynecologist.
If you want to change, we’ll change.
As soon as we get to Rome, we’ll look for someone else.
-Even together, if you like. -Okay. See you later.
Ari!
Where have you been?
I’ve been looking for you for two hours.
Your parents are already there with all the guests.
-Hold on, I’ll call them. -No, don’t call them.
Is something wrong?
They only tell lies.
What? Who tells you lies?
-You know exactly what I'm talking about. -What? I don't get it.
It’s the same with Celestina. I’m always afraid to talk to her.
I feel like I’m bothering her,
when I just want to help.
But you guys don’t say a word, as if your mouths are sewn shut.
You see…
your mouth is sewn shut. But it’s not right.
Because if you have an idea and that idea is wrong,
you would never know unless you share it with someone else.
But...
But your father has always known things.
When we were small, he was always in control of things.
Not everybody has a father like that.
A good father has to be able to make tough decisions.
Your father loves you. He loves you very much.
Arianna!
It took me almost 20 years to put all the pieces together.
It would have been better if everything had happened earlier.
That way, I would have avoided all that useless pain.
When I finally had the courage to look at my medical records,
I discovered, I was born with a syndrome called 5-alpha-reductase deficiency.
I’m intersex.
Maybe the word "hermaphrodite" is more familiar to you.
Let’s just say I’m in the middle, between a man and a woman.
The fact is, to be half male and half female isn’t good.
So my parents took me to the hospital and emasculated me.
My father told me it wasn’t an easy decision
and that he had some doubts…
but all the doctors agreed.
It would have been nice to express my opinion
but I was only three years old, so that’s how it went.
It was more irritating to be messed around for the following 16 years,
but when they tell you they did it for your happiness, what can you say?
I hated them, of course.
but in the end you realize they’re even more confused than you are.
When I asked them why they did it,
they answered that I would have been made fun of,
that I wouldn’t have been able to take a shower in front of other kids.
I think they were the ones who felt ashamed. Not me.
And so they decided to hide everything from me.
They spent a lifetime convincing me that I was a woman.
But in reality, nothing about me is a woman.
I don’t have my periods, I can’t have a baby,
I don’t even have breasts since I’ve stopped taking hormone pills.
Well, one thing I do have. Some kind of pussy…
that is, without a doubt, more "beautiful" than that thing they cut off.
But it’s also useless.
Everything you girls talk about here, I lost because of that anomaly.
Technically…
I can’t have any sort of orgasm.
But I think they’re wrong.
Once I felt something similar to what you guys call pleasure,
which you often speak about.
Once I was watching my cousin and her boyfriend making love…
and for a moment…
I could feel their sensations myself.
I could spend my entire life trying to find a solution to this mess,
but the reality is, it doesn’t exist. There is no solution.
I’m one plus one, but I equal three.
So, either I accept that I am a living error
or find my own math.
Now, I’m working by exclusion.
I know I’m not my cousin, I know I’m not her boyfriend…
and I hope that with time my search will finish
and I'll finally understand who I am.