English Subtitles translated from Turkish by Hahn Kransilbruk and monkUsa
[AIRCRAFT NOISE]
- Your reason for visiting? - Tourism.
Was your flight comfortable Commander Logar?
My capsule fell into Atlanta. And hey! I had to transfer from Miami!
[TELEVISION] - Shame on you, shame on the both of you. - You don't even live in an apartment building...
...you live in a barn, not even an apartment.
- Good morning honey. - Good morning.
Arif, did people really evolve from monkeys?
What? I'm banning you from watching these morning shows.
These shows always play with your mind.
- You did it again? On the Internet all night. - There's so much to learn.
My dear, there's no reason to rush. Slowly, slowly.
Look, I'm 40 years old, and my knowledge of the world...
...excluding the North and South Poles, is 78% to 79% complete.
- Arif, do you know what I'd really like? - What?
- I'd like our children to look like you. - Me?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS] This is a public school. You can't drop the kid off...
...looking like this? Have you lost your mind?
My friend, this is a democratic society.
Surely the boy can have a moustache even though he's in 1st grade?
Personally, I think he should his mother's looks,...
...and inherit my practical traits.
- Arif, should I give birth in Gora? - In Gora?
You mean, give birth in the Gora world, and then bring him back into this world?
I mean there's the health advantages, the technological superiority... I don't know...
That's not a bad idea. There'll be a double passport. Being registered in the...
...Kaladyum Galaxy is something else.
- Can we go? - We'll go. Can you pass me the bread?
- Where is the ship Arif? - Ship... the ship is... Where is the ship?...
My friend, that's 2 tonnes of iron there and I'm not even including the equipment inside.
4 Lira brother.
- Yeah okay, damn it, deal. - Brother-in-law!
I may have forgotten to pay the registration...
...maybe misplaced the documents or something... I'll fix it up.
- So, we are going? - My love, whatever you want, we'll do.
[SHOUTING JOYFULLY] Yahoo!
- Hooray, we're going to Gora. - Yahoo.
It's all your fault. These shows you put on are making her high.
Turn the television off.
Good morning.
- Arif, what's happening? - Good morning.
[TALKING IN GERMAN] Here you go!
Wise guy! Whoa!
Ismail, whatever happened to that brother-in-law wrecker?
- He left a long time ago. - Really?
- What's the matter, are you okay? - Nothing.
Look at me, if you're not serious then the deal is off.
- Blow me, of course I'm serious. Hey monster... - Okay, here you go then.
- ...get me some mints. - Yes sir.
- Box, get a box. - Okay sir.
This is yours. Mine. These are Alaattin's - I'll give it to him.
If the pharmacist wasn't a woman I'd go and got them myself. Here.
Kid, hurry up. Hurry up.
Drop the pill into the mint box, then what do you have?
Viagra Falls.
Look, customers at your shop. You'd better go.
Oh my goodness.
Taxi! [TAXI BRAKES SQUEAK]
I'm borrowing this for two minutes.
- Boss, the customer... - Listen Sebahattin...
...I don't want to see you get hurt.
Get out of my shop, or... or the apprentice dies!
- Boss? - Will you leave.
Relax Arif. We're not here as your enemy.
Are you chasing me from planet to planet?
Look at that, you've brought your toddler.
- Come on, drop the bat. - The bat. Who the fuck needs a bat?
- Arif, can you give me two fifties? - What Neset, now?
I don't have two fifties on me. Give me that jacket.
Here.
But Neset, for my sake you didn't see anything.
- Okay, thanks, bye. - That is, what you see here stays here.
Hey man, because of you guys I'm going to become a circus act.
So, why are you following me?
[CLARION PLAYING] We came to apologise Arif. We understand our mistake.
We've learnt that separating those who are in love is a sin.
We were imprisoned, between four walls.
Listening to your thoughts is all you can do.
Putting myself on trial. What I'm...
Even if we're from another planet, aren't you going to welcome your penitent brothers?
Could you say no to our effort to integrate?
Arif, would you really reject us?
You got out of prison quickly?
- We were granted Dahsan forgiveness. - Dahsan forgiveness?
All my powers and authority have been stripped, but that's not important, is it?
- Look, I made this bead birdie for you. - And I made this.
The bead birdie is nice, but I have to say that the house is a dud.
You haven't tried the olive oil one yet. Surely you can't be comfortable still wearing your cape.
- My love come, come, come. - Stop Arif.
Listen to what Logar says:
Take my ship, Go to Gora with my ship.
No dear, we'll use our own ship.
With your permission, let this be our wedding gift to you.
Treat it as a symbol of our friendship. Take our ship and go.
Oh, you really are a very good person.
But really, can we go with your ship?
Of course, as long as you don't beat us up. [LAUGHTER]
In that case, in the name of God, look, I swear...
...on this piece of bread...
...no more of that flying, dodging, floating in mid-air...
...stopping time. Absolutely never again.
You fixed this ship business for me, so none of that stuff will happen to you.
No more of these tricky moves. I'm a family man now.
Arif, have you drunk too much?
My love, do we need to have an argument in front of the aliens?
Hey Villex, let's get that coffee table...
...I'm going to make a bed for you. Come, come with me.
[CRYING OUT] - Arif! - It's nothing.
- Arif! - It's nothing, it's nothing.
- You drink well. - Brother, you didn't help me...
...I drank one and a half bottles by myself.
Anyway, let's finish the trip then we'll drink plenty on my return.
We'll use mules to carry on from here.
That's an impressive hangar. My ship was left out in the open so it rusted.
It can't rust... it's made from titanium.
Titanium? Damn it, I gave the ship away too cheap.
- Open it up Tihulu.
Run and switch the lights on.
Wow, I wonder if these are the launch units?
- So, where is the ship? - Arif, my dear friend, look here for a second.
[TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS]
Dad... Daddy dear...
A human cannot be so retarded. We shed some tears, and you fall straight into a trap.
- Indeed we did learn our lesson in prison. - Everything was a lie then.
Of course it was a lie.
[CLARIONS STARTS TO PLAY] Tihulu, shave this please.
You've got me in this contraption, so now what?
Is your job to kidnap people and attach them to some mechanism?
Listen to me idiot. You took what I loved away. I was imprisoned...
...now I'm replacing you. I'll go to Gora with your princess wife to sit on my wood (throne).
- Wood? - Of course wood. Are you jealous?
- Fire, earth, water, wood... - It's not air, is it?
[LAUGHTER]
You can't replace me. How will you copy my hairstyle, idiot?
Ha! That's the hardest part. Scissors!
[LAUGHING]
[SOUND OF SCISSORS CUTTING]
- Don't do it! No!
[CRYING] No!
With the Klonz-off method, I'll copy your clothes.
With the Face-off method, we will be completely the same.
- Ceku won’t know the difference. - Ceku will notice, don't you worry.
Start the machine.
One thing, there's no machine like this in Face-off. Liar.
[MACHINE STARTS]
- How do I look? - Very good.
It's not over yet. Give me that thing from the Tom Cruise movie.
Not this one, the other film.
[SPEAKING IN A DIFFERENT TONE] I love you baby, tomorrow I'm going to ask for you from your father.
It's not this one either. The other one.
[SPEAKS WITH ARIF'S VOICE] Testing one, two. Beautiful. Ceku, if you're ready, let's leave honey.
[LAUGHTER]
As for you, space peasant, there's no room for you here.
I'm sending you 500 thousand years back in time.
- 500, did you say? - Well, let's make it simple. One million.
- Damn you and your presence, your past... - Careful, no profanities. It affects the children.
[LAUGHTER]
Set it to one million.
One million - it doesn't matter. I will find you.
I'll come and find you!
Stop resisting. You'll damage the machine. Give me the remote.
Bye bye Mr. Arif.
Not this one, the other remote.
Now then, bye bye. If you happen to make it back, bring us a stone.
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
[THUNDER CLAP]
[HIGH TONED BUZZING SOUND]
Are you here? You are here. Everything is in its place.
Call Ceku. Okay Ceku, I'm calling you my rose.
Arif, I don't believe it. Is everything really ready?
Of course dear, and how.
Let's celebrate when I get home. We'll head for Gora in the morning.
- Okay honey. Kissing you. - Me too honey, bye bye.
[LAUGHTER]
[TONE OF VOICE CHANGING FROM ARIF TO LOGAR WITH EACH STROKE ON THROAT]
Walk.
Welcome to Gurcan Market. For English press 9.
[SPEAKING IN ENGLISH] - Hello, hello? - Hello, what's up?
Haci brother, they put me in a time machine. They sent me in a different time line.
What are you talking about?
Who are you?
It's me, Arif. Listen to me. Haci brother, listen to me.
They put me in a time machine, time machine. Have you seen time machine?
No fax machine. I don't have it. No fax.
No fax machine. Who told you that I'm asking fax machine?
- Time Machine. - I don't get it.
- Who are you? - Why the fuck are you speaking English?
Speak Turkish. Press 2. Switch to Turkish, press 2.
No fax machine!
Stupid! Stupid!
Ceku, where are you? I'm going up there to scream "No!"
Nooo...
No way man! No way man!
I've been sent back a million years.
It's been half an hour, and I'm talking to a grocer.
Who knows what I've been billed!
We set up a business, aliens kidnap my wife.
I start my family life, sent to a different time.
No other movie would have such a plot, but it happens to me.
Try explaining it to someone and they'll play the three monkeys game on you.
What's that?
[MONKEYS SCREAMING]
The first monkeys.
No dear. I'm not from this era. Whoa. Stop. Don't.
Don't. No dear, don't. Stop.
My dear, leave that. It's nothing. Give it to me.
Photograph? Are you taking a snapshot?
Dear friends, we have limited opportunities. But, if we work hand in hand...
Cico, stop that. Get over here.
Gentlemen, I only ask for a little bit of civility.
I need to immediately return to my own time to save Ceku.
Let's start by standing on two feet. Like this.
Not difficult. Two legs, a straight posture. There's no specific posture.
For the sake of God. Come on daddy. Come on daddy dear. Get up brother.
[MONKEY SCREAMS]
Brother, that's not it. Stand up straight.
No, that's not how it's done.
If only it was 500 thousand years. One million is just too much.
What do I do, should I dance for you? What should I do?
[SCREAMS] No! No!
Don't try and teach me. Don't teach.
The Ice Age is coming, We're going to freeze our arses off here.
Fire hasn't been discovered.
June 20th of whatever year!
[SCREAMS LIKE A MONKEY]
They've made me one of them - no brains. I'm sure my arse pocket had a lighter in it.
Anyway, thank God... Put that there!
Leave the shoe. Leave the shoe!
[RIPPLING SOUND]
Hey! Stop bothering me. I have a razor in my hand.
What? Did you think George Clooney was going to pop out from under the beard?
Don't play under me. Don't play under me.
That's it. Get in over here.
Dear Monkeys, based on the movies I've seen...
...nearly 4 minutes have elapsed in the parallel universe.
If I hang with you any longer, I won’t be able to return to my own time to save Ceku.
This is why I'm leaving. Our food and water is low.
I'll first find water, then I'll look for other civilisations.
I would've loved to have made your acquaintance under different circumstances.
But that wasn't the case. Okay then, bye bye.
No, don't get up. Not that you can get up.
Bye bye Cino. Bye bye.
[WITH A BIG CRASHING SOUND, A BOX FALLS FROM THE SKY]
[MONKEYS SCREAM]
[SINGING] # Seeds to saplings, saplings to trees.
# Trees to forests, just like the forests in my country.
# A safe haven for birds, a protective cover for the soil.
# Gives life to nature, the forests in my country
I'm having a mental block!
# A protective cover for nature, the forests in my country.
# A safe haven for birds...
Wow! Check it out, check it out.
Look here. I'm going to find some water soon. Don't attack me while I'm drinking.
Take a good look so you remember me.
No evolution; it's still just like any other snake.
# A protective cover for nature.
Looks like water. Oh yes it's water.
[SMALL CREATURES SQUALLING]
Fuck off! You've turned this place into Jurassic Park!
Monkey's are here, lizards, bugs!
A little puddle of water.
Everything is either small or stupid around here.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[TREMBLING] Oh my God!
[LOUD ROAR]
I wasn't talking about you, really. I was referring to the small ones.
The small lizards are stupid. I mean it.
[BREATHING NERVOUSLY]
Dear God, I thank you a thousand times for letting me experience this classic scene.
Brother, I saw all of your movies. Jurassic 1, 2, 3... Please.
You're the best brother. There's nothing here so you can go now.
[LOUD POWERFUL ROAR]
If you keep roaring like that all of the carnivores will show up.
It's like a war cry.
Please.
Stop it man.
Of course, you are aware of the rules in the forest?
Yes, there is a natural food chain. That eats this, this eats that.
You grew up without love in this jungle so I understand that you think you're right.
I'm better than most people and because we just met, I'm not going to disagree.
Look, don't let me be the reason you get into trouble!
You're a computer generated special effect man!
I'll take you apart pixel by pixel. My name is Arif.
Mr. Arif, the stone you launched at the dinosaur hit it in the testicle.
This spells the end of the dinosaur generation. Sorry.
- Doctor, I can't carry this burden. - Dad. Daddy.
My son, my dear son! [SQUEAKING TOY SOUND]
I understand you very well Jurassic. I also have a child.
Therefore, I forgive you for the sake of your children. I'll leave you alone.
This jungle is big enough for both of us.
Alright! Oil for honey, huh?
Super. You're not so primitive after all.
What luck, not even one bee.
[SOUND OF BEE WINGS FLAPPING IN BACKGROUND]
I didn't take it. Jurassic gave it to me.
Because you stung me, you'll also die now.
How do you treat a bee sting? Ammonia!
What are you looking at? Is there a bee dancing around here?
[CHANTING IN AROG]
[SHOUTING IN AROG]
Oh my goodness!
You're people!
You were monkeys when I last saw you. Who knows how long I was unconscious for?
Stumbling across humans in this era is almost impossible. Humans!
What is... what is this?
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
- Careful now. He doesn't know our language. - We can't hold him here. He's a stranger .
He's not himself, he doesn't know what he's saying. If we help will he be a burden to us?
- Cuhara? -This stranger broke your rope.
- And frightened the children.
No, there was none of that.
What will we do... tear his head off, feed him to the carnivorous birds?
No brother. How can you think that?
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
Brother, there were no subtitles for the last thing he said. He may have said the wrong thing.
Look, young man. When a donkey eats from an unfamiliar field, he gets a headache.
Write it down. That is a great proverb.
- Come on. - Well okay...
Wherever you came from or going to, I don't know. Just don't cause trouble.
Father, I'm from another time. Really.
I've been suffering around here for months.
Right now, about 6 minutes have passed in my universe. If we can work together...
Work together? Are you an Arog'ian?
That's not relevant. Arif Carpet-Rugs-Travel. Look, here's my business card...
- Look, I've got chewing gum. - Get rid of this!
He's definitely an Arog'ian. He's trying to get information.
The lady's lost the plot. It must be the era - "Stone Age."
Shut your mouth! That's my daughter!
Beautiful. Strong morals, well seated. Very, very good.
Donkey!
What's the level of technology here? Has fire been discovered?
Get out of here, go.
Where am I supposed to go. Give me the speed of light and I'll go.
Your appearance says you're looking for trouble. Get lost!
Arog'ians are coming.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Hey stranger, use this. Be silent and don't speak.
This fur is terrible? It's for women. Isn't there any better ones?
Uncle, if you haven't found fire yet there's fire here.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[STOPS DONKEYS] Halt!
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
What's distressing this fellow?
Is it ready?
Are the goods ready?
I'll take the tools as well.
Nothing else has been made with these tools, right?
No Kaarga.
I hear that you're making cave paintings. Is that correct?
No Kaarga. There's nothing like that.
- You're make hunting tools, spears and such? - We only pick fruit.
Do not pick anything. Only eat the fallen ones.
You're destroying the village. The children are starving.
You wont even let us light fires. We're going to freeze to death in the caves.
Dimi! Tell your monkey-faced daughter to stop babbling...
...otherwise her tongue will be number 42.
Tools are for the one job only! I'll burn anyone that makes new things!
Be a man, provide your service.
We're not slaves. We're as good as Arog people.
Wearing two feathers in your hair doesn't make you a man. Bird brain!
Taso! Shut her up.
What should I do? Should I scream at her?
- Shut up woman! - Hit me!
Come on, hit me. You think you might get your hand dirty. Let me see you hit me.
- Hit me, hit me. - Stop shouting.
What's this old man?
Is this something new?
These are leaves. You place them between your lips like this.
Kaarga. Let's pick the strongest men before the sun sets.
You.
- And you. - Me? I'm not a man from this era.
- Excuse me? - I'm from another time.
Don't take me, take him.
What the hell did I say earlier? Didn't I ban all new inventions?
- Yes. You've been saying it for half an hour. - What the hell is that?
It's a fake Rolex. It looks so genuine that no one can tell the difference.
He's not from this village Kaarga. We don't know who he is.
Even if I was from this village, what would you do?
- No, what would you do? - Not in front of all these people.
No, I want to know what would happen if I was from here brother?
- Bidi!
Oh man. This thing is poisonous. Please stop shooting me with these.
Look, look my arm's gone... look.
One day I'm in the tavern with Yilmaz, then you should've seen how brother Namik...
- Tighten it so I can't trip my nephew. - Get moving.
Behave yourselves, otherwise I'll torch your puny civilisation.
Porcupine head.
Come again, okay. It's my land.
When did you tie me up my brother? What kind of fate is this?
Brother!
Captain, aren't we going to stop soon? What is this?
No stopping, no stopping. Eyes forward.
[MOANING IN PAIN]
My arm.
- Taso. Taso, can't you be more careful? - His arm is broken.
What a shame. Whatever. The heavens give, the heavens take.
Let's start the funeral immediately. Bring a few rocks.
- Kaaya, how well did you know Taso? - I knew him to be a very good person.
Are they burying him?
Rest in the light.
Brother, what are you doing?
Hey, weren't your hands tied up?
They're tied up. See.
is this how you bury a man? For God's sake, move over.
- But it his arm's broken. - What do you mean? Give me a moment.
I have a remedy. Extend your arm.
- It really hurts. - Stop whinging and just extend it.
Move it. Move it like this.
If it was broken he wouldn't be able to move it. Extend it.
- If I had an egg, I could rub it better. - Here, quail.
Beautiful. Rubbing it in. Give me a small stick.
[SCREAMS IN PAIN] - It really hurts. - It doesn't hurt mummy's boy, hold still.
Done. Hold it like this. Good.
It's going to be better than it was before.
Taso, you're young. Stay with me, don't go.
Isn't he going to die now?
He won’t die. He's even more sturdy than before. He's super.
Get back in place sorcerer.
- Brother, I'm from another time... - Shut up!
I'm all tied up and I can't say a thing.
[ROSARY BEADS CLINKING]
[WOLF HOWLING]
[STOPS DONKEYS] Halt!
Arog! Arog! Arog! Arog! Arog! Arog!
Take them to the persecution cave. I'll be there in a moment.
- Brother, how's your arm? - Good thanks. Move it!
Don't forget it, because we have a connection there.
- Walk! - Okay.
- Wheel? - No my master.
Shhh!
Where will you go with this wheel?
- It's not a wheel, it's a mill stone. - Liar!
Master, I'm a farmer. We use this to grind wheat.
You're lying!
Didn't we also ban farming?
- Take him away. He's off to the tower tomorrow. - Master, please forgive me.
Liar.
- Welcome uncle. - Thank you nephew.
- What's that in your mouth? - Who's mouth?
- Don't smoke that indoors. - Okay.
- And what is this? - A fake Rolex.
You couldn't pick it. How are things in the village?
- Dimi has got the pipes ready. - Good.
- Dad? - Taso, son!
Did you vandalise the village?
- I did father. - Good. What happened to your arm?
He hurt it on the way back here.
- It's not broken. See. I have movement. - Look at what I found in your cave.
Masks. I made them myself from tree bark.
Working! You are an Arog'ian. Be a warrior.
You're drawing on the walls.
Don't waste your time on such things.
Dad, I love drawing. Sculpture, music, dance. I love them all.
- Doesn't it give the tribe colour? - Lies! You're telling lies.
They won’t understand you. They'll make fun of you.
They'll see you as a tramp. You'll die from your pain.
Don't be an artist, be a warrior. Don't be suppressed, be the suppressor.
My work will give future generations a light to follow.
- Where are the prisoners? - Below.
Go and torment the prisoners. Go on my child.
[BREATHING DEEPLY] Uncle, my medicine...
[RATTLESNAKE SOUND]
Kaarga, you are to take responsibility for this child.
I want him to be an Arog'ian that our ancestors would be proud of.
My father Kumo needs something to be proud of.
Do not worry nephew.
When we finish the tower and find him, it will be a new era for all of us.
Dad, the heavens took you. I'm going to bring you back from there.
- My brother Kumo was also a friend. - His good intentions were his downfall?
[NARRATOR'S VOICE]
Many many years ago, at the beginning of the Stone Age...
...we were poor but we were happy.
Where groves now grow there was nothing.
One day a circular metal object descended from the sky.
Was it made from iron? Maybe.
There were two strange creatures but one that looked like us.
They were laughing.
They gave us a gift.
Kumo, my father, didn't have a suitable gift to offer back.
He offered the first thing at hand.
They were angry. They waved their hands, got back into the object and took off.
Something really bad happened when Kumo tried to salute them.
My father was no more. All of our ambition and passion comes from that gift.
We kicked. We kicked. We kicked!
Since that day I have been against new things and inventions.
Guys, this had better not be like that Mel Gibson film where heads get chopped off.
Do the gods want a sacrificial lamb? I really hate that.
[BARRACKING IN AROG]
Strong Men! In a few moments you will ascend the tower.
Whoever brings Big Kumo down will have their life spared.
You will be given a new life along with some polished stones.
Beautiful. We'll be more advanced. Polished stones - super. Give them to me.
Start the Strong Man dance.
[SHOUTING IN CHORUS] Hey!
[BARRACKING IN AROG]
Brother, there are two things that I really hate.
Modern dance and primitive dance. They're the most irritating things.
No! Don't! No! Don't!
Don't hit me! Don't! No!
No! Don't hit me! No!
Cut it out! Cut it out!
Move! Move!
His heart is obviously tiny. You can't even make a small tzatziki dip with it. Wait a minute.
Mark me with the mud sister. I'm off to bring the old brother back.
- What about the dance? - This place is like a school canteen now.
I'll bring him back, then we can dance until the crack of dawn. Don't worry.
Pick it up brothers. Pick it up. This is such a big rock!
- Who is that? - His hair is peculiar.
This is how we used to transport refrigerators. Hoppa!
[STRUGGLING]
Kargabas, make sure you have the polished stones ready on my return.
The feasibility of this is wrong. That is, it's been built wrong.
[TENSE MUSIC]
I did a silent fart, but I don't think it will reach them down there.
Here we are.
- Hello uncle. - Stay away from me.
Kumo, are you Kumo?
There's no meaning to life. There's nothing for me at all...
Hey man!
What are you doing man? I'm here to take you back down.
- I want to die. - Nonsense.
Take this, take this cigarette. You can't think like that.
Why would you want to die? Ridiculous.
Life isn't meaningless. Stop being ridiculous. Here.
Cover it up with your hands. Cover it up.
Like this, two hands. Cover it with your hands.
Looks like cigarettes killed him.
What's it to me. They said place the rock and I did. I don't care.
- Someone's coming. - Someone's returning from the tower!
Someone's returning from the tower!
Is it my father? Is it my father?
I can't quite see dad, do you want to try and see?
[BARRACKING IN AROG]
Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. Thank you to you. Nice girl.
Quiet! Did you see anyone? Did you see Kumo?
I did. Now this is what happened...
He was all alone and isolated up there after his escape from his captors...
...he was all shrivelled up. I'm no psychologist so I wasn't what to do...
...I tried talking to him but he was like, such a like...
...What I'm saying is, he was like a hermit and as a result...
Tell me man. Where is Kumo?
Father!
Here he is.
This isn't Kumo. He's an Arog'ian.
- How would I know? I didn't ask for ID? - Take that necklace off his neck.
Here, take it then. Take it. Like I really needed it.
You went all the way to the summit and couldn't find my father. Why?
To reach the heavens, how many more stones do we need?
It's so easy for you to talk from over there. There are seven more levels before you reach the sky.
Do you think I'm a construction worker that's going to build up to the stratosphere?
Lies! You are lying!
We'll continue building the tower tomorrow. Kaaya is upset.
The ceremony is over. Back to your business.
- Kargabas. Am I part of the community now? - Shut up.
You're the first person to return from the tower alive.
Eat and drink all you want. Your life has been spared in accordance with our customs.
What a nice custom. Normally a man would die from your customs.
Then let's build a landing pad or something. What is this man!
8 minutes have passed in my parallel universe. A little bit of help would be nice.
- What sort of a community do you have here? - Come. We need to make a picture of you.
Stop brother, I have enough problems of my own.
You're the first person to ever return. I don't want to miss this opportunity.
- I'm an artist but I paint in secret. - You have to paint in secret?
That's how it has to be. Let's go to my studio.
Brother, my name is Arif. I'm a practical man.
I wouldn't put up with the pressure of this feudal system. That's just my character.
A little less movement. Hold still.
Let me see how you're doing.
- What's that? Is that what my nose looks like? - It's the same.
Look at that drawing. Did you draw that?
- That's my style, my genre. - Nice.
Sign your name there. Encyclopaedias credit Anonymous as drawing them.
Don't be simple-minded. Let's slap an Arif here.
- What are you up to brother? - Sign them son. These are beautiful.
- How much are the masks? - They're not for sale. They're for me.
But it's a secret. I don't want my father to hear.
Does your father understand art? Art is for society. Why hide it?
They won’t understand it either.
Look, give this one a little smile and make this one a little sad.
- This one is laughing, look. - That's how much the oppressor laughs.
- This would make a great coat. - No brother. Please don't!
Wow. Stepping a little out of your genre. Isn't that the girl from the village?
- Yes. Mimi. - Is it a crush?
- I love her man. - You were making fun of her in the village.
Repressive society. That's nothing. You should see this.
- Wow. Who did that? - I did.
Yourself?
You are in love my friend. So you have to listen carefully.
[PLAYS A SONG ON MOBILE TELEPHONE]
# As you gaze at your loved ones.
# Forgive them and give them a hug.
# This game is about living for each other.
# The touch of a mother is so powerful.
# No one can love you more than your mother.
[BOTH CRYING]
You're crying.
- Forbidden love brother. - There's no such thing as forbidden love.
I fell in love with a woman from another galaxy.
Falling in love with the girl next door is easier.
I have to return to my loved ones. A 20 year age difference has its problems.
The age difference between us now is one million years.
[MOBILE PHONE SONG PLAYS AGAIN]
# As you gaze at your loved ones.
# Forgive them and give them a hug.
# This game is about living for each other.
- You're crying man. - Look brother.
I have to return to my loved ones. It's certain, in the village...
...they'll keep chiselling rocks. I was promised polished stones.
I need all the tools available. I have to return to my loved ones.
Help me. I need all the tools.
Not possible man. My father collects all of the equipment. No one's allowed to use them.
Is this guy crazy? I need the equipment. Help me.
- They're all locked in a cave. - Locked in a cave?
Take me there. I'll help you score with the village girl.
- Would you do that? - I'll do it. I'll even do your wedding.
- White goods are from me. - What are white goods?
You'll soon learn. We just need to increase you intelligence a notch.
- Brother. - I'm being polite, did you think it was a pipe?
You could've given it a turn on the fire.
[WHISTLING]
Mr. Arif.
Thanks for the food. Good night.
I couldn't come earlier.
I don't know exactly what tools you need, but there's plenty in the cave.
I'll find a use for all of them.
There's also a gift in there from heaven.
The heavens? What is it? Guns, fire, machines?
I don't know, but it's not from this world.
Could it be a machine that someone came in before I arrived?
This is it.
Grab it.
- Are we opening it? - Yes.
Push, push, push.
Ok. In you go.
- How is it Arif? Is it good enough? - Wow. It's like a museum.
- Here's a bicycle. - That's a trolley.
- Ladder? - Nice little step ladder.
- Fur. Here are some spears. - Skip those.
We also have this thing. Three people can sit on it at once.
Look at me. Show me the things that came from the sky.
They're deep in the cave. Wait.
Everything's so primitive.
- Arif? - Are you back?
This present was given to my great-great grandfather Vehases.
Vehases?
- Are you ready? - Open it brother.
Go fuck yourself man. It's Betamax. You can't even find tapes for these.
That's bullshit. How can you say this came from the sky?
You're giving me gas.
- Will this do? - Taso, don't make go crazy.
- What's happening here? - Nothing.
Taso! Your father wants to speak with you immediately. Let's go.
- Didn't I say no one's to enter the tool cave? - You did father.
Let me explain. My friend asked, Do you have any inventions?
He asked, Do you have any gadgets? I said I have a telephone.
He said, Father doesn't like inventions. They must be locked in the cave.
I agreed and said that we should lock it in the cave.
I said, let's lock it up. Open the cave, and we'll put it there.
Give me that.
Kaarga! Put a guard outside the cave. No one is to enter or exit the cave.
Taso, son. The time has come for you to get married and have a family.
I spoke with your uncle and we've decided that you will marry Ayu.
Ayu?
[SOUND OF FLYING WEAPONS]
Hello. What a nice girl...for winter. Ayu.
[MOCKING] Ayu...
Dad, I love someone else.
Lies! You're lying.
This cannot be possible. You have to marry Ayu.
Dad, I can think for myself. You don't allow me to drawings.
You interfere with my music. You even decide what clothes I wear.
You put this porcupine on my head. Enough now!
- Ease your attack. Take it slow. - Stay out of this Arif.
What do you mean stay out of this? You two are going to go at it.
Your society will never grow if the leaders are in-fighting.
Stop being such a brute, let your son marry who he wants.
Also, allow new inventions. Give your people a chance to evolve.
In my parallel universe, it's now about-
Shut up! Taso, I'll reject you as my child.
You'll be collecting chestnuts outside the village. I'll exile you.
I'll leave before you exile me.
Get out of my sight! [WOMAN CRIES]
One more thing, no meat or water shall ever be given to you from this land.
This youngster's quite a man. He has fire in his voice.
You should sit together and sort things out in a civilised manner.
You get nothing as well. Get off my land!
What did I do?
Uncle. My medication. Uncle. [BREATHING HEAVILY]
[RATTLESNAKE SOUND]
This child is going to kill me. [STARTS CRYING]
Look at you. Dumb arse.
The man controls the land. Who do you think you're standing up to?
You picked the right time to piss your father off.
Just my luck...
Go brother. I'm going to create a civilisation of my own. Go.
Two hands will make a sound, one hand cannot make a sound.
Don't sell me your proverbs until you've fine tuned them.
If your hair wasn't in the way I'd ripped your ear off! Get lost.
Arif, let's get to the Arog village.
Don't you mean let's go to the girl? Don't follow me.
Why aren't we going to the village Arif?
Being the underdog isn't so bad.
I'm 1 million years ahead of you. You should be taking of that.
Instead, you're un-evolving my brain. What else can happen?
Don't come with me. Don't come man!
What are you looking at?
I'm not looking at you. I'm washing my face.
- Dude, leave my water alone. - Is the water yours?
This is my civilisation. Go somewhere else and create your own. Go!
I'm an artist. I can set up a civilisation wherever I want. Here, a civilisation.
Was Braveheart an artist that created a civilisation?
Look at how he looks into the water. Narcissist.
You're retarded.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
["TICK TICK" SOUND IN THE DISTANCE]
[FOREIGN LANGUAGE SONG IS HEARD]
Ah!
Why are you perving on my girl? Is this going to be your civilisation?
I'm not perving on the girl. I'm checking the depth of the water.
Liar. You're checking her out. You seem to like her a lot.
- Are you going to create a civilisation with her? - What civilisation? I'm married you idiot.
I'll beat you up. I'll kill you.
Wait a minute. You go and start a new civilisation with the girl and...
...I'll be the brains behind the new civilisation.
- No man! - What do you mean no?
Do you know how to impress a girl?
How to get close to a woman? I have the medicine. Come here.
Women like to be treated with courtesy. Take this.
I'm going to ask you something but it may be a little personal.
- Did you come from monkeys? - No. We came from the village together.
I understand. You came from animals.
- I have another idea. - What's that?
- I'll come out of the water like this. - And?
I'll show my body off.
You know how the water drips off the body...
The sunlight licks the muscles. Flex the muscles...
Go and crack a walnut in your arse. It'll help with the flexing.
Are you posing for a Pirelli calendar? Be more graceful.
Take this.
This is an arrangement, but when you give it to someone it is a bouquet.
The moment you appear out of the water...
...before she sees your arse or face, give these to her. Go.
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Ah! [WALNUT CRACKING]
[WHIMPERS IN PAIN]
- What happened? - The walnut cracked.
Tattoo. We use the tattoo. Walk.
To your health. You're returning from the steam bath?
- Do you remember me. I'm Arif. - I remember. Are you still alive?
I'm still living thanks to my Arog’ian friend Taso.
Maybe you don't recognise him. He used to wear a porcupine on his head.
I know him. Leave us in peace.
Has he ever told you how he cares for you? Tattoo.
Look at what he has sacrificed because he cares for you.
He has your picture on his own body.
It covers 250 square centimetres and was done with a needle. A very precise job.
He's projecting his love for you through his body...
...he pretends to be with you by having the tattoo on his body. Crazy boy.
My nose doesn't look like that.
With your permission we'll carry the furs for you.
Ladies shouldn't be labouring like this. Which era do we live in? Here you go.
- Please rest. - Please let it go.
[SPEAKING IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE]
[SINGING A SONG] # Puf kah, he's not Arog’ian...
We have a tattoo design for you. We're thinking of putting it on your butt cheeks.
We can go now. Please go.
# He's making us crazy...
That's one of our songs. How do you know it?
I've heard it once or twice.
In the forest.
[PLAYS FLUTE]
# He is crazy, he is crazy...
# He's making us crazy...
He's not Arog’ian...
# He is crazy, he is crazy, # He's making us crazy...
Pull it. Pull it. Okay.
[MAN GROANS]
Hide that so that no one takes it away from us.
- Where should we hide them? - Put them here.
- Get well soon. - What are you doing here?
Brother. It's me Arif from the parallel universe, remember?
Aren't you Kaaya's son?
No. Right now he's out in the open. His father disowned him.
Allow him to kiss your hand.
- This will eventually be a custom. - Lips don't wear out when they kiss a hand.
Write that down, it's a great proverb.
With your permission I'd like to stay here with you.
We have limited food and water. You might not be able to cope.
Brother, he hasn't come from a resort. There won’t be a problem.
The hard times are over. We're starting our own civilisation.
- That's prohibited? - Prohibited?
There are thousands of useful gadgets in Kaaya's cave.
If we break into the cave, we can advance ourselves.
What are you looking at rubber neck?
Yes. Inventions from the last 40 years are in the cave.
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
Hi Uncle.
Humanity's been struggling for hundreds of years. That in itself is a miracle.
We've been here for 50 years.
Brother, don't interfere with my preaching.
Friends, right now there are hardships...
...I accept that. But if we dig deep into our souls...
...we'll reach the Middle Ages in a week, the New Age in 15 days...
...I swear, we can take this effort right up to the French Revolution in a month.
- Can we light fires? - Of course.
Cave paintings?
Sister, the grand master of art is here so why ask such a question?
- Wheels? - I'll deliver the best ones to you.
The caves are guarded. We need to sort that out first.
- What? - I've been teaching the kids in secret.
- Is teaching allowed? - It's allowed. Open learning.
If we do this, will we advance?
- Brother, I was educated by open learning. - Oh boy!
Come on kids, who wants to make cave paintings?
[CHILDREN SHOUT EXCITEDLY] Me! Me!
Arif, they're going to draw pictures. Should I go?
Go and draw. You're a young man.
Thank you.
- Will this work Arif? - It'll work.
This is a razor blade. This will give us a shiny new look.
All those in favour of the new civilisation project step forward.
[EVERYONE SHOUTING TOGETHER] Hey!
Look up.
Your hair is like wire, I gave it a nice layered cut.
Now it has body and volume so it's easier to maintain every day.
- Arif? - Yes!
- Brother, aren't you shaving? - No, no, I'm good.
Look at me, just do it like this. Just don't create any fantasy versions.
You have to be able to show your face in public.
Continue with him.
When are we going to get the gadgets?
They've got men guarding the cave. We have to get in without being seen.
[WHISPERING] - Taso? - Yes.
When the fucker goes past we'll sneak in from behind and...
- ...into the entrance. - Got it.
You two!
Oh man! We can't even see ourselves. How the fuck did you see us?
- Taso? - Frodo. He recognised me Arif.
Wait a minute. I'm going to warp his mind, look.
Psst! Harry Potter, come here.
Quickly go and get four size 10 nails from the hardware store.
- Quickly, quickly! - Okay brother.
He won't be back until the Iron Age. Let's go.
- Nice. - Arif, are we taking everything?
No need to grab spears and things. Only take useful items and tools.
- Okay. - My phone is here man!
Look for another wheel like this so we can make a cart.
- There are heaps of wheels further in. - Great.
- Give the chalk. Your dad deserves a letter. - Say hello from me as well.
[CHEERFUL MUSIC]
Drop it. Drop it.
- Comfortable ride? - Arif slept, I drove.
- Wow, I originally made this. - What do you mean brother?
It was only ever taken for a test drive. What are these?
This is wheat. We make bread from it. A hungry bear won't dance.
Gentlemen, we're detaching the wheels. They can now be used as mill stones.
One more thing. We need plenty of clay.
- Are we making a sculpture? - What sculpture? The sculpture can wait.
For pots and pans.
- Long live Arif. - Unload it all.
Run, run. More effort. Don't run for no reason.
Transfer the flour that comes out of here okay?
- I'll leave it in your hands. - Okay.
Meto, don't overload the wheat. Also, make the wholegrains small.
- Yes brother. - Thanks brother.
No sitting down when there is work. Young or old, everyone has to work.
- What's your age old man? - 17 years old..
17? This is what bad nutrition does. Here, take this.
I'm naming you Teoman. I need you to sharpen these.
First, all vegetables and fruit must be washed before we eat them.
Also, when you ladies return to your caves...
...there are practical meals that you can prepare.
For example, by adding some sauce to vegetables such as carrot and pumpkin...
...makes for a nice little surprise meal.
That is, don't follow the book. Be creative.
I don't cook pumpkin. It's more delicious raw.
Honestly? No sauce, you don't add any little surprises?
- No, I don't see the need. - Fine.
My dear, put them down. We're lighting a fire here.
- These are ready Arif. - Nice. Give me one. You keep going.
Uncle Teoman, go and light the fire. You guys come with me.
- Friends, we now have to learn about hunting.
Of all the animals the most important is seafood.
We get Omega-3 from fish.
Lobster and shrimp are luxury foods. Watch.
Like this.
Let's see you do it.
You think that's a fish? This is a fish. That's a dried piece of flesh. Move on.
Hello. Take these. I'm going to make pots.
Move out of the way. You can leave the dough now.
- How are you man? - Good.
- The boys are hopeless at fishing. - Oh well.
- Is the dough ready? - Yes.
It's ready. Come on then. Check this out.
- Where's the oven? - There is no oven.
What do you mean? Quickly build an oven.
- Then bake these for 17 minutes. - Okay.
Put it next to that big rock. We need to make a hole in it.
Centre it with the canal. Make a T pipe, a T pipe.
Bring the flowers. Four next to each other.
We need tulips. Are there any tulips?
Where's that artist?
- Uncle Arif. Do you think this will work? - Well done.
- Right down to the finest detail. Super. - Now you can do whatever you want. Don't worry.
- But it looks droopy. - Get moving. Double time.
- Keep it moist. - Can I hold it like this?
Hold, release, hold, release. Very nice.
But I can't hold this.
Let yourself go a little, I'm helping you.
But it's slipping.
It's slipping because it's spinning. Very nice. Well done.
- Psst! - Oh! You scared me.
I was just like a ghost wasn't I?
- Are you trying to be Patrick Swayze? - We're working.
Work carefully so that none of the pots and pans explode.
No. Her hands are used to it now. Look. I've let go.
- But it's slipping from my hands. - You'll pick it up in no time.
An important rule of being a hunter is...
...make sure your prey doesn't notice the trap you've set. This is the principle.
[FOOTSTEPS]
See. He didn't notice. RUN!
Gentlemen, as an example I have filled this pit with petrol.
- We draw petrol out with this. Should I draw it? - Draw it.
Draw it out so we have something to fight about?
I said it was a demonstration. Listen to what I say carefully. Go!
Like I'm really going to be able to draw petrol.
We have to get serious now. This is a simple and effective plough.
- Okay. It's solid now. - Let's get it down.
We're not collecting fruit here. We give to the soil, so the soil gives back.
- That's right! [SPEAKING IN AROG]
Now we need two ox.
- This man's got the whole village working. - He's good. He eats but he works.
Psst! You two come here.
Heave! Ho!
Pull, pull. Wait!
Pull it.
Dear friends.
Drop what you're doing for two minutes. Everyone come here for the grand opening.
Here you go.
Girls. Hold this please.
Go, go, go. Get in your place.
May our village be blessed with good fortune.
Cut this will you Uncle Teoman. With your mouth. Well done.
Give me water.
[WATER FLOWING]
Put your hands together. Do it like this. Like this.
[CLAPPING]
Let's not waste any more water Arif.
Dude, come on. This is a symbol of civilization.
Every village has its symbol.
You've eaten the crunchy parts.
- Eat this corner. It's a good corner. - Okay.
Mimi, we'll make today an official holiday but not for schools, please.
Okay Arif.
Make it a half day. Still exclude schools.
[CHILDRENS VOICES]
Good afternoon friends.
The moment I walk in you must all stand.
No Slouching or crookedness. Sit properly. How are you?
- I'm well, and you? - Taso, let's clear this blackboard.
Nice. Very nice. Take your seat.
[SCRAPING SOUND]
Enough Dude, enough. Where did the lesson end last time Mimi?
- Sharp stones and thorny bushes. - Fine.
Children, local government rules along with instructions from both the...
...education centre and the local population, requests have been made -
- Arif. You should make it simple. - My dear, we haven't got the luxury of time.
You! What is a Citizen's duty?
- What? - Arif.
Just a minute sister. This is how I was educated.
You can't come here like that. What kind of a hair style is that?
Taso, I want a wooden pipe. Like a ruler.
- T style? - No, for punishment.
What is this? You must have a desire to learn.
We've only advanced 51 years. We don't have time to delay any further!
I have to get through 1 million years. Please work with me.
- Brother, calm down. - Give me a minute!
These kids are from my past.
There stupidity could easily be inherited later on. Oh dear.
- Brother. - Wait a minute.
What kind of forest do we have around here? Quickly tell me!
- Are the branches parallel to the sea? Tell me! - Calm down.
Ignorance is not the solution. Taso, please!
Don't judge my teaching methods!
Help me! I need to get back to my own era. Please.
Now children. Continuing from where we left off.
- No ones advancing at all. - Relax.
But no one's advancing!
Being head of the village has fucked you up.
Ceku... Ceku...
Taso, 10 minutes have elapsed in the parallel universe.
- My mind is always there. - Okay. Relax Arif.
- I'm never going back. - Arif, sit here.
- My burden will also affect you! - Arif! Arif!
I'm going to change the course of history. Ruin history!
Arif, pull yourself together!
- Take this man. - What is it?
Don't ask questions, just drink it.
- This is raki! - There's also rockmelon.
This is an invention! An invention.
Relax.
[RAKI DRIPPING] I'm making it from grapes.
I'm distilling it.
I'm making just enough for myself.
If his father wasn't such an ox I'd have made more advances but...
...it's not going to happen.
Brother, you're drinking it straight! You should drink it like this.
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
Dig it, Daddy!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
It's coming, coming, coming, coming.
I swear this is good Arif.
The meat is like a Turkish Delight. It's so much better cooked.
Thank you. Here you go Cuhara.
Just don't slacken off! Tomorrow we go into the Bronze Age.
- Okay. - Here you are brother.
- Here you are, take this. - I don't eat meat.
Really? We had a 216, a robot.
You just reminded me that the robot didn't eat meat either.
Hey 216! If you can hear me, I propose a toast in your honour!
- Cheers Arif! - Thank you.
A campfire.
[GUITAR STARTS PLAYING]
# Mediterranean nights...
# are something else.
# - Especially when... - Especially when!
Especially when we have this fire the guitar should never be played.
Especially that it should never come out! For the love of God!
- Is anyone eating that salad? - No.
- That was made by hand. - I thought it was very nice.
[SINGING IN AROG]
[TALKING AND LAUGHING IN AROG]
What's happening girls?
[SLURRED AND DRUNKEN] Psst!
Burning my guitar is just like burning my lungs. You owe me.
Son, I saved your life back there. What was that? It was terrible!
- Which era are you living in? - Stone Age!
Look at this! You reek of raki.
- I drank it. - The girls will reject you if you smell of raki.
Once again, I'm going to save you.
Here. Take this mint. Put it in your mouth.
Put it in. Bad breath is not good. Remember - raki rejects, mint attracts.
- What's that Arif? - It's a mint.
I gave some to Taso. Here. You can have a mint as well.
- What do I do with it? - Just throw it in your mouth... [VIAGRA]
- What happened? - Nothing, nothing happened.
- Want to set up a swing? - Okay.
- Come on. - Mint attracts!
The rockets coming up the ramp now.
Stop mucking around Arif.
I saw this eleven metre lion just laying there...
...staring at me. His teeth were this big!
In this era lions can be fifteen or even twenty metres.
"Be certain of where the lion lies." [LAUGHTER]
Write that down. That is a good proverb.
- What happened Arif? You look upset. - No, I'm good.
Here, eat some pumpkin. It'll make you feel better.
- Or rockmelon. It's delicious. - Brother, don't tempt me like that, please!
Arif, the food is really good.
Sister. Go before something happens to you.
- Arif. How are you? - I'm good.
Arif. You push Mimi and I'll paint the scene.
No, no. Let's not do that.
[SOUND OF METAL CLANGING]
- Arif. Are you okay? - I'm okay. I'm okay.
Okay, I'm off to sleep. Good night.
Calm down! Calm down, son! Arif, calm down!
You're representing the modern man here son. Calm down!
[MONKEY SOUND]
Cheetah?
Arif. Arif!
[SONG PLAYING] # To my mother you say "mum".
# To my father you say "dad"!
# Come to us as a bride.
# - Where are you sweet bride? - Give me that, just give me that!
Why are you playing music and disturbing everyone?
- Arif! - Yes!
- Get out of here! - Arif!
- I'm here!
- What happened last night? - Nothing happened. Don't worry about it.
A star fell. Mimi kissed me. [BLOWS A KISS]
Ha... Nice, nice.
It happens. Come on, we have a heap of work to do. Let's go.
Go! Go!
Now look! I'm not saying nuclear. But thermal, hydro or wind...
...energy has to be harnessed. Once achieved, we can really become advanced.
The plan is very broad.
We can't make the same mistakes that future generations made....
...we need to be one with nature. [LAUGHTER]
It would be good if everybody stopped shitting all over the place.
Arif, I want to show you something. Come on.
- What is it brother? - Come on.
I pity you all. Take this. Continue.
- Who did the shit? - I did.
[LAUGHTER]
- See if you like this? - You're embarrassing me.
A time machine.
- Oh my God. - Now watch this.
- Yes? - Wait.
- See. I came here now from before. - Yes.
If you extend the wait time you can go further forward.
- I understand. - So how is it?
Brother. It's a very nice gesture but it won’t work.
- Really? - Really.
Can it be a fridge or a cupboard?
- It can be. - Awesome.
- The Arog's are coming. - They're coming.
No one pay attention, carry on with your work. Close the barricade.
Leave them, let the children play. Let them play.
[LAUGHTER]
[SHOUTING IN AROG]
- We need to extend the barrier a little. - Okay.
What was the last thing I told you?
Hey fatty. Is that thing on your head growing?
I don't know. I wear whatever they give me.
- Cut it out!
- What's in the middle of the village? - It's a fountain. Are you jealous?
I'm not asking you, I'm asking Dimi.
Dimi is not here. I can take a message. Meto, write this: "Curious about the fountain".
Bidi!
- Kaarga. Shoot me instead. - Who are you? I don't know you.
- Shoot me then. - Hang on my girl, hang on.
- Shoot me. Blow it will you. - No Dimi. Shoot me.
Gentlemen, one minute. We're talking here.
- Arif. - Dude.
Don't move. I'm going to suck out the poison.
- Are you okay? - Good, good. Very good.
Strong men to the front.
Move it you fucker! We're no longer lending out our team.
- I'll destroy your village. - Are you planning to put a road through here?
[LAUGHTER]
No more Kaarga. Things are different now.
I'll be back.
Shoo!
And next time there'll be more of us.
Bring a dictionary with you when you return.
By then we'll have worked out how to speak French.
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
[LAUGHTER]
Get moving.
[LAUGHTER]
Arif, what happened?
We taught him a lesson and now he's off to memorise it.
Anyway, let's not lose momentum. Back to work.
Okay.
I DIDN'T LIVE WITH YOUR PRAYER TO DIE FROM YOUR CURSE. ARIF
They've put flowers everywhere. Laughing while they play.
- There's this thing in the middle of the village... - A fountain.
Lies! And there's a drawing on the wall.
- What should we do? - Finish them.
Everyone is so happy in the village. There's a smile on every child’s face.
A community is on the right path when the children are happy.
- Always listen to the children. - Do you have a child?
It's not born yet. I'll write a letter to my unborn child.
You're doing all this for your child, right?
Not just for my child, but for all the children of the world.
If I get everything right here, even if my child never sees me...
...it'll be a better world to live in. We didn't build the fountain in vain.
- Right. - Maybe you and Taso will have children.
- I'm not sure this world is good for a child. - Don't talk like that.
Don't start thinking like that in this era.
You have to have children so that future generations can exist.
If my ancestors looked like you, right now I'd be Jude Law.
Do you think I'm beautiful?
You have nice qualities.
You're the only one wearing high heels around here dumb arse.
Ask Taso because I'm neutral toward you.
- Note? - Neutral. Like fable.
Saying it is difficult and so is being it.
The way you look at me... we'd better go before you fall in love with me.
- Hey! - Arif!
- Arif, the children have organised a play? - What are we watching?
It’s very nice. I need your music box.
- Music box? Oh my phone, here. - Come on.
Name of the play: War and Peace.
Dude, that's a classic. It might be too deep for the kids.
What's going on here? Didn't I say everything is prohibited?
- Get out of our village. - I came from another time.
- Bullshit! You're lying. - Take this. Now leave us alone.
He’s just like me.
[CHILDREN SHOUTING] Hey!
- Mimi. I made you some bread. - Hi Mimi. I love you so much.
Look. That's for you.
Come my monkey friend, let's go get some air.
[SONG PLAYING] # To my mother you say "mum"...
Hey, hey. No, that's not it. Cut, cut. That's not it.
Not that part. Not that part.
Not that part. No. It's wrong.
Come on, the weather is changing. Everyone back to the village.
Let's get out of the forest. Come on kids.
- Get rid of the monkey part. - What's going on?
Take it out, that part's not good.
- Get rid of the monkey part, please. - Come on.
Brother. Taso.
Take out the monkey part, please.
There is no need for that part. The other parts were funnier.
- I didn't watch it to the end. - Brother...
Create a play that embodies me. A play about me.
How I arrived to this village, how I helped it develop.
Starting with the monkeys -
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHILDREN SHOUTING] Mum! Dad!
No!
[CRYING] No.
Oh my goodness.
How could they do this? How could they do this to you?
Nothing happened to us Arif. But they made a mess of the village.
They broke the fountain.
Culture killers. What did the fountain ever do to you?
Cuhara.
Why did they kill you?
I was trying to hide by burying myself but they caught me.
- Didn't anyone stand up to them? - They had weapons.
- This has set us back 10 years. - Let's go and mess up their village.
- With what? Your flute? - We'll make weapons and start a war.
[SHOUTING TOGETHER] War!
No. A war will set us back 4 years.
Let's make spears, staffs and clubs.
- Let's attack them with doner kebab knives. - Doner kebab knives?
Doner kebab knives...
Add some more chickpeas.
There it is!
- Arif! - I found it.
- We're off to war. - War!
Uncle Arif, isn't making war bad?
You're right child. War is bad.
We are going to war but it will be a six man war.
Come with me.
I wash away the stress of daily life and put it in a grave.
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
What happened? Do you like the new look of your village?
How about another lesson?
Look Kaaya. Your will is forced here. You're crushing the people.
I made a huge promise so I won't make a monkey out of you here.
Let's resolve this in a civilised manner.
You'll send four men up the tower tomorrow. No more talking. Double time.
Let's do it like this. Let's play a game. If we win...
...modern items and inventions must be allowed.
No more slavery of the people.
If you win, I'll finish building the tower myself.
I'll build it all the way to the moon. Are you in?
- Well done Arif. - What kind of game is this?
- A ball game. - Ball game?
- Not a ball game Arif. - It's okay, wait.
If he saw it, he'll think it was a bomb. Wait a minute.
- What ball game? - Football. Six a side.
- Brother! - Let me explain the rules to you.
Use the feet to play. Goals. Swap at 5 points. Finish at 10. Are you in?
Brother, why did you have to make it a ball game?
Ball game?
- A ball like this? - Yes, like that. Did he eat it?
He ate it. We've played ball games for years,
In honour of my father, Kumo.
A tradition of ours.
We're not bad at playing either. Did my dumb arse son give you this idea?
- Do you guys play football? - Did you ask me if we played?
Satan, Platinum, Ziko, Pele, Zubizaretta.
Bring Carlos.
[SHOUTING LIKE A WILD ANIMAL]
He hasn't seen a ball for six months. He's going crazy.
[LAUGHTER]
Is this a joke?
Be at the field at first moonlight. I'm going to tear your undies off.
[IN A HIGH PITCHED VOICE] Just play fair...
Just play fair all the way, okay?
- Why are you looking at me? - Where should I look? At my own arse?
- Can anyone in the village play? - Maybe one person but...
...he'll never play. I know that much.
[IN A HIGH PITCHED VOICE] I know that much.
- My voice isn't high pitched. - If I say draw a picture, you'll draw it.
"Can you draw the football game? I can."
A ball game. That's for Arog'ians. What would we know?
I actually said ping-pong. This hairy tailed idiot said ball game.
How about this six a side game. You use your foot to kick the ball?
I'm saying that we are free if we win.
Cuhara is the only one who knows the Arog'ian ball game.
Cuhara. We're playing ball with the Arog'ians. You want to play?
I've left that stuff behind. I pass.
[ANGRILY] Aaah!
You all play Kesanli Ali Destani in the middle of your village.
We're not producing a musical here?
[IN A HIGH PITCHED VOICE] "They're crushing us. Crushing us."
Give it a little bit of effort.
- Their voices aren't that high pitched. - Wait a minute. Why isn't he playing?
Cuhara was the Arog'ian goal keeper. He quit after letting 8 goals in.
Eight goals? I'm not surprised he found the raki.
- I'll play. - No Mimi. You can't play.
- The men are very rough. - So we're doing nothing then?
I'm not discriminating but you and the girls need to sew our uniforms.
Okay.
I'll be the goalie because I can't run much.
Beautiful! Taso and I will be the forwards.
Isn't there anyone else. Three more young players?
Put your hand down Uncle Teoman.
Look here you. You.
Veto, you.
- Are we right? - Yes.
Taso, come with me. We're going for a walk.
Players, over here.
- Are we all ready to play? - We're ready.
Well done!
The field is good. Their team is amazing. We're in the death group!
Look at Carlos. It takes three men to hold him.
- What is that? - You want to look?
Zoom in.
Oh man.
We've got some work to do. Let's go.
Give it to me child.
Gentlemen, this is football.
Like every civilised society, we must treat the game with respect.
This is our time.
Our competitors are good but we also have weapons.
Here are the prototypes I commissioned for you.
The foot is 100% covered and there is a 47% increase in kicking power.
An amazing weapon. We'll sort your numbers out later.
We're all wearing these during the match. Now let's check out your skills.
Shoot Yigido.
Beautiful. Taso, open up their lungs.
[WHISTLE BLOWS] Run, run. Dynamic.
- Arif, is this right? - Nice, very nice.
- Lose the pom-pons. - Okay.
Let's make them more masculine.
Come on my beautiful baby. Come on my dear.
- Arif! - Dynamic.
- That's three laps. - Running.
This, this. That, that, that, that, that.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Pick a rock up off the ground. Dynamic. Break your knee.
Don't stand there like a post. Dimi brother, you're the goalie.
Look alive!
Move out of the goals way.
Aim for the corner.
Instead of being an artist, play the game.
The goal is as important as your eyes. Have a lemon.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
We have a bad goalkeeper so I expect a lot from you.
Bad!
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
We can't play like this!
Meto, every ball you save throw it to me.
Now get in over here, let me see. That's it, like this.
You have to mark that psychopath in the middle.
This guy is a maniac. This guy is going to be on our side...
My father wont trade him, he has another two years.
Open it up, on the inside!
Your crosses are very good. We flow well together.
Did he get it in?
[CELEBRATING THE GOAL]
Take this Meto.
- Dimi. 42. - Well done!
Taso.
Can we win Arif?
They may be better than us but there is one thing they forget.
The crowd. The spectators.
[ALL SPEAKING TOGETHER] Oooooo! One, two, three!
Solid as a rock, solid as a rock. Straight up! Straight up!
We're off to lay the Arog'ians.
Ooooo. He's coming, he's coming. Kaaya's husband is coming.
He's coming, he's coming. Whoever isn't shouting can fuck off!
- Arif. Arif! - This is a cinema, not a play!
- Arif. Arif! - This is...
Okay.
My team, come here my team.
Look guys, 14 minutes have passed in the parallel universe.
We're playing this game to the death. We're going to win the match.
[TOGETHER] Win the match!
- Psst!
Win the match.
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
Then...
[TOGETHER] Arog! Arog! Arog!
[SINGING IN AROG]
We're going to win the match Ceku. There is no other choice.
[SHOUTING]
[LAUGHTER]
Come on children.
[SHOUTING - HOOTING]
[BARRACKING IN AROG]
Come on Taso, come on!
[WILD SCREAMS]
They're trying to bring our morale down with a weird pose.
That's the scoreboard. Zero-zero.
[SHOUTING IN AROG]
- Hey jackal, is there such a thing? - Hey, hey!
- Wet or dry? - Dry.
- Wet. Kick-off or defend? - Defend.
Enigma!
[UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYS]
These type of tactics won’t get us undone.
- It's now a Japanese looking goal.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[CHEERING]
[WHISTLE BLOWS] [LAUGHTER]
Don't let it get you down. Come on.
Don't you have a whistle. Is that a baby's dummy in your mouth?
- Don't you have a whistle? - Play. Play!
[CELEBRATING A GOAL]
So that's how you're playing.
[WILD LAUGHTER]
You're a very bad man. A very bad man.
You really are a bad man.
- Get back into it. - Am I over there?
Kick it will you, kick it.
[SHOUTING] Goal!
We got it in! We broke the spell!
[SHOUTING IN JOY]
[SCREAMING IN FEAR]
Don't let it get you down. Don't act spoilt. Come on.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
It's my fault. Pick someone else if you want.
What's that got to do with it? They're not human. Look at him.
I have some amazing moves but I promised never to use them.
Get me some bread.
If we break some bread over my head...
...then I'll be able to use the special moves that Garavel taught me.
- Who is Garavel? - Break this over my head.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
We asked you to be a supportive crowd. Where's our audience?
[CROWD STARTS CHEERING]
Solid as a rock, solid as a rock. Straight up! Straight up!
We're going to beat the Arog’ians.
Hey 300 Spartan dude. Is the ball at your feet?
I'm over here.
[EVERYONE IS OVERJOYED]
Let's play!
Goal! My hero!
Solid as a rock, solid as a rock. Straight up! Straight up!
We're going to beat the Arog’ians.
[RATTLESNAKE SOUND]
Goal!
[REPLAY]
There's another goal. [LAUGHING]
- How is that a goal? - Brother, that's a replay!
Have it. Write this one down as well.
[SPEAKING IN AROG]
[CROWD BARRACKING] Arog! Arog!
If we get the next goal we are victorious. Come on.
- Head. - Arif!
[BIRD SCREECHING]
[LAUGHTER]
I did an awesome cross too.
- What the fuck are you laughing at? - Stop, stop!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
- Penalty! - How is that a penalty?
I'm bad. [WILD LAUGHTER]
- I can keep playing. - Come on.
- Dad! - What happened? Is he out?
- Shut up! - What about the goal?
- Come brother, come. - I want to keep playing.
Dad! Dad!
- Your hands... - I saved it my girl. I saved it.
- Mimi, look after your father. - Come on.
Keep him warm.
Who's going to be the goalie.
- Kova! (bucket) - My name is Cuhara.
Well done!
Come on.
It's a lie. That's someone else.
Get stuffed. It's a stunt double. Did you expect he'd do it himself?
Cuhara.
- Are we ready to score Taso? - We're ready to score Arif.
[WILD SHOUTING]
I've saved this goal in honour of this civilization.
We'll make this goal.
[SHOUTING] Goal!
[CLAPPING]
[CROWD BARRACKING] Arog! Arog!
Arif?
Good game. Here, this is for you.
Thank you, but my work manipulating time is now finished.
We won Arif. We are free now.
In the name of my Arog brothers, I am proud and overjoyed.
I am at the end of the road now Taso.
- What are you talking about Arif? - I didn't come here of my own free will.
I was forced. I intended to find a time machine and...
...return to my wife and child. But I didn't succeed.
But now everything is allowed Arif. We can make things happen.
We can't make things happen.
We can use a knife and a fork. This is something, but not enough.
Also, approximately 30 minutes has elapsed in the parallel universe.
Logar has long since taken my wife to Gora.
- What are you going to do then? - I don't know.
If I stay here, I'll have to lose myself in the desert so I don't interfere with time.
No matter. At least I got to meet the people I saw in the Encyclopaedia.
None of your names were shown. But isn't that always the way?
- Mimi, Taso, Cuhara, Kaarga, Dimi. - Yes, Arif?
The books show you as being bent and twisted.
They show you to be like monkeys. What a lie that is.
[SHAKING IN FEAR]
Maybe we didn't evolve from monkeys, but we sure are evolving to monkeys.
Arif, please don't forget us - your brothers and sisters.
I'm not asking for a statue, but a nice cave painting of me would be good.
I'm worth as much as a bull, aren't I Taso?
[CRYING] - Let me through. I commend you Taso.
I would never have known how well you played football.
You've taught us a lot Arif. Don't leave. Please stay with us.
I've also learnt many things from you but I must go. Taso, come here.
Here is your wedding present. An imitation Rolex, but it's a perfect replica.
Mimi, this is my wedding ring. My wife's name is engraved on the inside. Have it.
Just keep making advancements.
Okay then, bye bye. Or should I say, in your language...
[SPEAKING AROG]
[REPLYING IN AROG]
[SIZZLING SOUND]
Oh my goodness!
Ceku!
- Arif! - Ceku, I can't believe this.
My honey. Ceku. She came. My wife came. Ceku. How did you find me?
Arif, the whole world is talking about you.
About me? How is that?
When you went to look at the starship with Logar, I jumped on the Internet.
[NEWS READER] A million years old but still young. A mystery in Afyon-Turkey.
"Ceku, you are mine or I belong to the earth", has been written in perfect latin alphabet.
As you can see, there is a clear and positive "Arif" word visible here.
1 MILLION YEAR OLD GRAFFITI IS FROM OUR TIME! WHO IS THIS ARIF?
CEKU ARIF
[TELEVISION] The results of carbon testing at the Afyon archaeological site...
...shows that the finds are between 500 thousand to 1 million years old.
The cave writings have deeply shaken up the scientific world.
On the walls, the name "Arif" is neatly written and can be easily seen.
Among the artefacts is a wedding band with "Ceku" engraved on it. The world is confused.
Right then, I knew Logar had tricked you with one of his games.
When the doorbell rang, I was ready.
The idiot had lost a contact lens and. his hair was parted the wrong way.
I told him that he couldn't copy my hairstyle.
Arif!
Thank you my friends. My wife and I should go before the machine cools down.
I'll send you a wedding present once I get back.
We'll send one.
- Arif? - I'm Logar, Commander Logar.
- I come from the heavens. - From the heavens?
[GROUND BREAKING SOUND]