00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:00,917 --> 00:00:02,551
Previously on:
2
00:00:02,795 --> 00:00:05,504
It's spring break this week,
so Zoey and her daughter
3
00:00:05,529 --> 00:00:06,366
are going to stay here.
4
00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:08,395
I'm going to need you
to move out for the week.
5
00:00:09,087 --> 00:00:09,985
Where you staying?
6
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,021
I'm just going to have
to stay with Lindsey.
7
00:00:11,022 --> 00:00:13,490
There's someone
in the house. Go look.
8
00:00:16,043 --> 00:00:17,460
Ow!
What?!
9
00:00:17,462 --> 00:00:19,129
Ball snag!
I'm sorry!
10
00:00:19,131 --> 00:00:21,664
No, no, don't touch it!
11
00:00:22,633 --> 00:00:24,033
I'm bored.
12
00:00:24,035 --> 00:00:26,536
♪ ♪
13
00:00:30,691 --> 00:00:33,626
I can't do this, Berta.
It's just too much.
14
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She just never stops.
15
00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:38,314
So, how are things going living
with Zoey and her daughter?
16
00:00:38,316 --> 00:00:39,516
It's good. It's good.
17
00:00:39,518 --> 00:00:40,733
Oh.
18
00:00:40,735 --> 00:00:42,468
How's living with Lyndsey?
19
00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:45,071
Oh, it's terrific.
That's great.
20
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So, if I could get rid of them...
Yes, 100 times yes.
21
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Men...
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00:00:52,998 --> 00:00:54,480
Okay.
23
00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:57,817
Zoey...
24
00:00:57,819 --> 00:00:59,752
you know I love you, and...
25
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I want to live with you forever.
26
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But we got to lose the kid.
27
00:01:07,011 --> 00:01:09,596
- Yeah, probably not.
- Okay.
28
00:01:09,598 --> 00:01:12,832
Hey, have you ever thought
of Swiss boarding schools?
29
00:01:14,351 --> 00:01:16,002
Hi!
Sh...
30
00:01:16,004 --> 00:01:17,554
She's out like a light.
31
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Really? How?
Did you drug her?
32
00:01:21,676 --> 00:01:24,777
I didn't think
we were allowed to drug her.
33
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She's worn out
from playing with you all day.
34
00:01:27,199 --> 00:01:29,115
She's not the only one.
35
00:01:29,117 --> 00:01:32,902
Listen...
36
00:01:32,904 --> 00:01:34,037
I've been thinking about this
37
00:01:34,039 --> 00:01:37,690
whole "moving in together"
thing.
38
00:01:37,692 --> 00:01:40,877
It's all right.
I admit, I had my doubts.
39
00:01:40,879 --> 00:01:43,746
But you have been
so wonderful with her.
40
00:01:43,748 --> 00:01:45,582
Thank you.
41
00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:48,168
This little girl
loves you so much.
44
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,090
The sun rises and sets with you.
45
00:01:54,092 --> 00:01:56,576
Huh...
46
00:01:58,229 --> 00:01:59,829
Look at what she made for you.
47
00:02:03,184 --> 00:02:06,219
Wow...
48
00:02:06,221 --> 00:02:08,855
So, you win.
We're all yours.
49
00:02:08,857 --> 00:02:09,906
I mean,
50
00:02:09,908 --> 00:02:11,491
there's a million details
to figure out
51
00:02:11,493 --> 00:02:13,042
before we can move in
permanently.
52
00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:15,128
First and foremost, where she's
going to go to school.
53
00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:17,797
Have you ever considered
Switzerland?
54
00:02:17,799 --> 00:02:19,699
You're kidding, right?
55
00:02:19,701 --> 00:02:22,735
I'm ki.. of course!
56
00:02:22,737 --> 00:02:25,872
Why would I want her
so far away?
57
00:02:25,874 --> 00:02:29,008
Let me put her up to bed.
Then we can start making plans.
58
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Great.
59
00:02:30,245 --> 00:02:31,678
Mommy?
Hmm?
60
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:32,762
Where's Walden?
61
00:02:32,764 --> 00:02:34,264
Oh, I'm right here.
62
00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:36,683
I love you, Walden.
63
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,886
I love you...
64
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Just like I planned it.
65
00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:55,151
Hey, roomie!
66
00:02:55,153 --> 00:02:57,036
You got here quick.
67
00:02:57,038 --> 00:02:58,955
Yeah, Lyndsey asked me
to fix the garbage disposal
68
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and I didn't like the odds.
69
00:03:01,776 --> 00:03:03,609
So, uh, did you talk
to Zoey yet?
70
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Yes, I did.
71
00:03:04,879 --> 00:03:05,628
How'd she take it?
72
00:03:05,630 --> 00:03:07,413
Well, I... yeah, let's...
73
00:03:07,415 --> 00:03:09,282
Did she cry?
74
00:03:09,284 --> 00:03:10,950
No...
Yelling?
75
00:03:10,952 --> 00:03:12,669
No. There was no yelling.
76
00:03:12,671 --> 00:03:16,005
Yeah, I know that I said
that I wanted to get rid of her
77
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and have you come back...
78
00:03:17,592 --> 00:03:19,058
Oh, no!
79
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You know, I, I love her.
80
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Oh, no!
81
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,264
And I, I love the kid.
82
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No!
83
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I'm just going
to have to make it work.
84
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No, no, no, no, no, no!
85
00:03:28,987 --> 00:03:31,470
Alan, I'm sorry.
86
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Okay, okay, I'll...
I'll figure something out.
87
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If nothing else,
I am a survivor.
88
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Okay, very funny.
Survivor, I get it.
89
00:03:51,042 --> 00:03:54,294
Oh, come on!
I feel bad enough already.
90
00:03:54,296 --> 00:03:55,928
Help me...
91
00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:57,130
911!
92
00:03:57,132 --> 00:03:58,631
Oh, okay. I'll play along.
93
00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:01,301
Here, would 100 dollars
94
00:04:01,303 --> 00:04:02,769
make you better?
95
00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:05,004
You're not kidding?
96
00:04:05,006 --> 00:04:06,472
Not kidding...
97
00:04:06,474 --> 00:04:08,107
Don't die.
98
00:04:20,404 --> 00:04:22,789
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
99
00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:25,641
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
100
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:28,466
♪ Two and a Half Men 9x22 ♪
Why We Gave Up Women
Original Air Date on April 30, 2012
101
00:04:28,491 --> 00:04:31,791
== Encoded, Synced & Corrected by
$H@uN ==
102
00:04:31,843 --> 00:04:34,112
I want him to have
the best possible care.
103
00:04:34,114 --> 00:04:36,447
So, whatever it takes,
I'll pay for it.
104
00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:38,015
You're going to have to.
105
00:04:38,017 --> 00:04:41,452
The man's got the worst
insurance policy I've ever seen.
106
00:04:41,454 --> 00:04:45,123
What do you mean?
He's got a $500,000 deductible.
107
00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,492
A $500,000 deductible?
108
00:04:47,494 --> 00:04:48,960
Even at our prices,
he ain't gonna
109
00:04:48,962 --> 00:04:50,628
hit that with
one heart attack.
110
00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:53,247
All right, well, I'll just...
I'll take care of it.
111
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:55,867
Just check the box
"Domestic Partner."
112
00:04:55,869 --> 00:04:59,337
Oh, no, we're just buddies.
113
00:04:59,339 --> 00:05:01,622
We got no buddy forms.
114
00:05:01,624 --> 00:05:04,725
Yeah, but...
Just check the damn box.
115
00:05:09,848 --> 00:05:13,935
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
116
00:05:13,937 --> 00:05:17,321
I guess there's nothing
to do now but wait.
117
00:05:17,323 --> 00:05:19,557
Forgive me
for being callous,
118
00:05:19,559 --> 00:05:22,243
but don't you think this heart
attack is a bit convenient?
119
00:05:22,245 --> 00:05:24,278
What?
Come on.
120
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,447
He tries to weasel his way
back into the house.
121
00:05:26,449 --> 00:05:27,665
You tell him no
122
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,917
and he falls to the ground,
clutching his chest.
123
00:05:29,919 --> 00:05:32,119
You think he faked
a heart attack?
124
00:05:32,121 --> 00:05:35,089
I think he'd fake
a shark attack.
125
00:05:35,091 --> 00:05:36,907
How do you fake
a shark attack?
126
00:05:36,909 --> 00:05:39,910
I don't know. Ask Alan.
127
00:05:39,912 --> 00:05:41,745
Harper?
128
00:05:41,747 --> 00:05:43,681
Yeah, right here.
129
00:05:43,683 --> 00:05:46,250
Okay, well, your boyfriend's
going to be fine.
130
00:05:46,252 --> 00:05:47,802
That's great.
131
00:05:47,804 --> 00:05:49,103
Uh, he's not my...
132
00:05:49,105 --> 00:05:50,605
It's great.
133
00:05:51,423 --> 00:05:53,057
It was the form.
It was just easier.
134
00:05:53,059 --> 00:05:56,811
Um, did he actually
have a heart attack?
135
00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:59,530
It was a mild one, but yes.
Told you.
136
00:06:00,515 --> 00:06:02,316
He should be fine.
He's just going to need rest
137
00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:03,568
and as little stress
as possible.
138
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,236
For how long?
139
00:06:05,238 --> 00:06:07,121
I don't know,
at least a month or two.
140
00:06:07,123 --> 00:06:09,123
Great...
141
00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:11,626
That's why we gave up women.
Am I right?
142
00:06:13,245 --> 00:06:14,645
It's a compelling argument.
143
00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:23,454
Hi.
144
00:06:23,456 --> 00:06:25,923
Hi, Walden.
145
00:06:25,925 --> 00:06:27,558
How ya feelin'?
146
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,994
Fan-tastic.
147
00:06:29,996 --> 00:06:32,513
I'm on a morphine drip.
148
00:06:34,466 --> 00:06:38,636
Everyone should have
a morphine drip.
149
00:06:38,638 --> 00:06:41,639
There would be no more war.
150
00:06:41,641 --> 00:06:44,158
Listen, the doctor said
151
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,445
that you... had
a little heart attack,
152
00:06:47,447 --> 00:06:48,913
but you're going to be fine.
153
00:06:48,915 --> 00:06:51,382
Oh, yeah.
154
00:06:51,384 --> 00:06:53,417
Yeah, I remember now.
155
00:06:53,419 --> 00:06:55,703
Zoey's moving in and...
156
00:06:55,705 --> 00:06:57,988
I'm... I'm moving out.
157
00:07:01,326 --> 00:07:03,160
No, you're not moving out.
158
00:07:03,162 --> 00:07:04,795
I'm-I'm not?
159
00:07:04,797 --> 00:07:08,165
No, you can stay as long as you
want. As long as you need.
160
00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:09,600
Oh.
161
00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:15,523
Oh, that's...
that's so good to hear.
162
00:07:15,525 --> 00:07:18,025
Thataboy.
163
00:07:18,027 --> 00:07:21,529
I just... I just want you
to not worry about anything.
164
00:07:21,531 --> 00:07:22,530
I won't.
165
00:07:22,532 --> 00:07:24,181
Okay.
166
00:07:24,183 --> 00:07:26,183
You just relax
and feel better, okay?
167
00:07:26,185 --> 00:07:28,152
Okeydokey.
168
00:07:30,689 --> 00:07:32,690
Hey, Walden. Guess what?
169
00:07:32,692 --> 00:07:33,857
What?
170
00:07:33,859 --> 00:07:37,645
I'm peeing right now.
171
00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:39,280
No kidding.
172
00:07:39,282 --> 00:07:41,198
But it's okay.
173
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:45,753
There's a tube
attached to my wiener.
174
00:07:49,675 --> 00:07:51,859
I don't think there is.
175
00:07:55,147 --> 00:07:57,381
Oh...
176
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,900
Men...
177
00:07:59,902 --> 00:08:02,853
- My God. He's going to be okay?
- Yeah.
178
00:08:02,855 --> 00:08:04,438
He just needs
to take it easy.
179
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,357
I don't know
what I would do
180
00:08:06,359 --> 00:08:07,891
if anything
happened to him.
181
00:08:10,279 --> 00:08:12,446
I've already lost my good son!
182
00:08:15,534 --> 00:08:18,169
Do you happen to know
if they validate parking?
183
00:08:21,573 --> 00:08:23,507
So, are those tubes
putting stuff in
184
00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:24,759
or taking stuff out?
185
00:08:24,761 --> 00:08:26,744
I think
a little bit of both.
186
00:08:26,746 --> 00:08:28,179
Oh, I get it.
187
00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:31,182
It's like eating
on the toilet.
188
00:08:31,184 --> 00:08:32,900
So, what did the doctor say?
189
00:08:32,902 --> 00:08:35,186
Uh, he just said
he needs to take it easy.
190
00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:36,354
You know, no stress.
191
00:08:36,356 --> 00:08:37,955
Then I guess
we shouldn't tell him
192
00:08:37,957 --> 00:08:39,123
about what happened
at school.
193
00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:41,859
No, we definitely
should not.
194
00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:44,762
Honest to God, someone
put that pot in my locker.
195
00:08:46,498 --> 00:08:47,815
Why would they do that?
196
00:08:47,817 --> 00:08:51,502
That, my friend,
is the million-dollar question.
197
00:08:54,956 --> 00:08:56,073
Look, Lyndsey,
198
00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:57,375
I know you're his girlfriend,
199
00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:59,677
and I know you'd like
to take care of him, but...
200
00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,179
I kind of feel
responsible for this.
201
00:09:02,181 --> 00:09:04,999
And I'd like him to stay
with me until he recovers.
202
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:07,134
Fine. Let's go
get some coffee.
203
00:09:11,757 --> 00:09:13,624
Men...
204
00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:15,810
Wake up, Alan.
205
00:09:18,464 --> 00:09:22,466
Is it spongebath time again?
206
00:09:22,468 --> 00:09:24,735
You wish.
207
00:09:30,525 --> 00:09:32,026
What's going on?
208
00:09:32,028 --> 00:09:33,143
Who are you?
209
00:09:33,145 --> 00:09:35,613
Ah, Alan, that hurts.
210
00:09:35,615 --> 00:09:37,998
Don't you recognize
your own brother?
211
00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:47,596
Men...
212
00:09:47,598 --> 00:09:49,381
What is this,
some kind of sick joke?
213
00:09:49,383 --> 00:09:51,133
Charlie's dead.
214
00:09:51,135 --> 00:09:54,487
You're dubious. Understandable.
215
00:09:54,489 --> 00:09:56,055
When you were 14 years old,
216
00:09:56,057 --> 00:09:57,923
you went to your first
boy/girl party,
217
00:09:57,925 --> 00:09:59,108
and you were really nervous
218
00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,559
because they were going to play
spin the bottle.
219
00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:01,393
Yeah?
220
00:10:01,395 --> 00:10:02,828
So, before you left the house,
221
00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:05,364
I convinced you that
the grownup way to French-kiss
222
00:10:05,366 --> 00:10:07,500
was to spit in the
other person's mouth.
223
00:10:09,286 --> 00:10:11,954
You hocked a big loogie
down Marcy Bilson's throat
224
00:10:11,956 --> 00:10:13,839
and she'd kicked you
in the nuts.
225
00:10:13,841 --> 00:10:17,076
Ah, come on, everybody in
high school knew that story.
226
00:10:17,078 --> 00:10:18,961
Answer me this:
227
00:10:18,963 --> 00:10:21,797
What are your five favorite
words to hear from a woman?
228
00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:25,234
"I can't spend the night."
229
00:10:25,936 --> 00:10:27,937
Charlie...
230
00:10:27,939 --> 00:10:30,255
At your service.
231
00:10:30,257 --> 00:10:32,425
I don't...
I don't understand.
232
00:10:32,427 --> 00:10:34,927
Are you reincarnated
or something?
233
00:10:34,929 --> 00:10:36,946
Nah, I'm in hell.
234
00:10:39,449 --> 00:10:41,901
Walking around
in this old broad's body
235
00:10:41,903 --> 00:10:45,104
is supposed to be some kind
of eternal damnation.
236
00:10:46,373 --> 00:10:47,289
You know what?
237
00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,041
The joke's on them.
238
00:10:49,043 --> 00:10:51,577
Boobs are still boobs.
239
00:10:54,081 --> 00:10:55,581
So, why are you here?
240
00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:57,166
I thought you could use
a little help.
241
00:10:57,168 --> 00:10:58,768
I have been through
a rough patch.
242
00:10:58,770 --> 00:11:01,270
You look like you've been
through a propeller.
243
00:11:02,539 --> 00:11:04,623
I came here to tell you
it's not too late
244
00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:05,641
to turn your life around.
245
00:11:05,643 --> 00:11:06,459
How?
246
00:11:06,461 --> 00:11:08,144
Stop being a parasite.
247
00:11:08,146 --> 00:11:10,930
Step up. Be a man.
Grow a pair.
248
00:11:11,998 --> 00:11:15,134
Uh, parenthetically,
this body actually has a pair.
249
00:11:16,486 --> 00:11:18,904
They dangle
right under my hooha.
250
00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:24,610
Did not need to know that.
251
00:11:24,612 --> 00:11:27,446
Point being, you lived on me
for eight years
252
00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:29,198
and now you're
living off this new guy.
253
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,150
Now, now, hang on.
W-Walden's my friend.
254
00:11:31,152 --> 00:11:32,868
He invited me
to stay with him.
255
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:35,821
Oh, kiss my
surprisingly tight ass.
256
00:11:35,823 --> 00:11:38,090
You're nobody's friend.
257
00:11:38,092 --> 00:11:41,043
You're a useless appendage,
like tonsils,
258
00:11:41,045 --> 00:11:44,430
or the nutsack
under my hooha.
259
00:11:44,432 --> 00:11:47,883
I see hell hasn't
mellowed you out any.
260
00:11:47,885 --> 00:11:49,602
Listen to me,
you got to get out
261
00:11:49,604 --> 00:11:52,021
of that guy's house
and make a life for yourself.
262
00:11:52,023 --> 00:11:53,856
I suppose I could go
live with Lyndsey.
263
00:11:53,858 --> 00:11:55,507
You're missing my point.
264
00:11:55,509 --> 00:11:57,526
I'm not suggesting
that the tapeworm
265
00:11:57,528 --> 00:11:59,979
find a new colon
to crawl into.
266
00:12:01,148 --> 00:12:02,715
Hold out your hand.
267
00:12:04,484 --> 00:12:06,368
Thank you.
268
00:12:08,038 --> 00:12:09,521
This is your last chance, Alan.
269
00:12:09,523 --> 00:12:11,490
Move out of that house.
Get your own place.
270
00:12:11,492 --> 00:12:13,209
Start pulling your own weight
in the world.
271
00:12:13,211 --> 00:12:14,877
Okay. I will.
272
00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:16,796
You'll see.
I can change.
273
00:12:16,798 --> 00:12:18,297
Good.
274
00:12:18,299 --> 00:12:19,865
Then my work here is done.
275
00:12:19,867 --> 00:12:21,700
Well, thanks, Charlie.
276
00:12:21,702 --> 00:12:23,219
You got it.
277
00:12:23,221 --> 00:12:26,705
Oh, uh,
278
00:12:26,707 --> 00:12:27,890
Before I go...
279
00:12:28,809 --> 00:12:30,375
...you gotta check this out.
280
00:12:31,094 --> 00:12:31,977
Oh!
281
00:12:31,979 --> 00:12:33,545
Oh!
282
00:12:33,547 --> 00:12:35,214
Was I lying?
283
00:12:35,216 --> 00:12:37,583
Tell me that's not disturbing.
284
00:12:45,225 --> 00:12:47,226
Men...
285
00:12:47,228 --> 00:12:48,861
What do you want me
to do, Zoey?
286
00:12:48,863 --> 00:12:51,497
The last time I asked him
to leave, he almost died.
287
00:12:51,499 --> 00:12:52,698
Well, what does that mean?
288
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,917
He lives with you
until he actually does die?
289
00:12:54,919 --> 00:12:57,536
No, just until he
gets back on his feet.
290
00:12:57,538 --> 00:12:59,588
The man has no feet.
291
00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:01,507
He is a footless man.
292
00:13:01,509 --> 00:13:03,175
Okay, come on.
293
00:13:03,177 --> 00:13:05,845
What about his mother?
Why doesn't he live with her?
294
00:13:05,847 --> 00:13:07,046
They don't really get along.
295
00:13:07,048 --> 00:13:08,631
What about his girlfriend?
296
00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,749
They don't really get along.
297
00:13:10,751 --> 00:13:12,218
Oh, God.
298
00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:13,886
So we're stuck with him forever.
299
00:13:13,888 --> 00:13:18,057
The man is the herpes
of houseguests.
300
00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:21,043
Come on.
That is not fair.
301
00:13:21,045 --> 00:13:22,111
You're right.
302
00:13:22,113 --> 00:13:24,446
Herpes sometimes disappears
for a while.
303
00:13:25,982 --> 00:13:27,366
Surprise!
304
00:13:27,368 --> 00:13:28,400
Alan.
305
00:13:28,402 --> 00:13:30,402
Herpes.
306
00:13:30,404 --> 00:13:31,770
What? They let you out?
307
00:13:31,772 --> 00:13:33,605
Oh, no, no.
I checked myself out.
308
00:13:33,607 --> 00:13:35,391
I didn't want you to have
to pay one more penny for me.
309
00:13:35,393 --> 00:13:36,441
Oh, come on.
310
00:13:36,443 --> 00:13:37,609
The money is not important.
311
00:13:37,611 --> 00:13:38,961
What's important
is your health.
312
00:13:38,963 --> 00:13:40,996
No, what's important
is that I stop being a parasite
313
00:13:40,998 --> 00:13:42,164
and stand on my own two feet.
314
00:13:42,166 --> 00:13:43,966
You have no feet.
315
00:13:45,335 --> 00:13:46,752
What was that?
316
00:13:46,754 --> 00:13:47,836
It's Zoey.
317
00:13:47,838 --> 00:13:49,788
I'll be right there, honey.
318
00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:52,675
I'm just going to grab my stuff,
and I'll get out of your hair.
319
00:13:52,677 --> 00:13:53,909
Are you sure?
320
00:13:53,911 --> 00:13:56,345
I am positive, Walden.
I-I have had an epiphany.
321
00:13:56,347 --> 00:13:58,480
I need to make a big change
in my life.
322
00:13:58,482 --> 00:14:00,316
Wow.
323
00:14:00,318 --> 00:14:01,483
Where will you go?
324
00:14:01,485 --> 00:14:03,402
Oh, I found a cute little place
online.
325
00:14:03,404 --> 00:14:04,737
Uh, you know, it's not much,
326
00:14:04,739 --> 00:14:06,855
but, uh, at least
I'll have my pride.
327
00:14:06,857 --> 00:14:08,324
I don't know, Alan.
328
00:14:08,326 --> 00:14:11,810
Let the man have his pride!
329
00:14:11,812 --> 00:14:15,331
Uh, here's my address
for mailing stuff.
330
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,284
If this is what you want...
331
00:14:18,286 --> 00:14:19,084
It's what I want.
332
00:14:19,086 --> 00:14:20,786
It's what everybody wants!
333
00:14:22,672 --> 00:14:23,989
Don't listen to her.
334
00:14:23,991 --> 00:14:26,258
Oh, no, no.
She's right.
335
00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,378
She's an angry,
cold-hearted tea bag!
336
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:32,014
But she's right.
337
00:14:32,016 --> 00:14:34,383
What did he say?
338
00:14:34,385 --> 00:14:36,719
He said that you were right.
339
00:14:38,688 --> 00:14:40,472
Men...
340
00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:43,608
No, Jake.
341
00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:45,043
If I'm not living
at the beach house,
342
00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:46,745
you're not living
at the beach house.
343
00:14:46,747 --> 00:14:49,631
Yeah, well, sometimes
life just isn't fair.
344
00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:52,968
Well, sure you can visit me
where I'm living now.
345
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:55,053
But, uh, you're not going
to have your own room
346
00:14:55,055 --> 00:14:57,121
or your own bed
or your own bathroom
347
00:14:57,123 --> 00:14:59,791
and... you might need
to have a tetanus shot.
348
00:15:02,261 --> 00:15:04,446
But I'd love to have you.
349
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:06,648
Okay, you let me know.
350
00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:09,484
Okay, good night.
351
00:15:13,606 --> 00:15:15,306
All right.
352
00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:17,359
It's not much, but...
353
00:15:17,361 --> 00:15:18,577
it's mine.
354
00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:22,998
I am self-sufficient.
355
00:15:25,451 --> 00:15:28,370
And beholden to no one.
356
00:15:35,929 --> 00:15:38,930
Oh, that's not a good sign.
357
00:15:41,768 --> 00:15:43,602
Men...
358
00:15:44,553 --> 00:15:46,054
It's odd...
359
00:15:46,056 --> 00:15:47,672
But now that
Alan's finally gone,
360
00:15:47,674 --> 00:15:49,391
I actually kind of miss him.
361
00:15:49,393 --> 00:15:50,725
Yeah, me too.
362
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:52,193
Walden, I'm kidding.
363
00:15:53,846 --> 00:15:54,846
Oh, yeah, me too.
364
00:15:58,818 --> 00:16:00,235
So...
365
00:16:00,237 --> 00:16:02,370
Now that we have the house
to ourselves,
366
00:16:02,372 --> 00:16:03,571
what would you like to do?
367
00:16:03,573 --> 00:16:05,540
What I would like to do
368
00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:07,592
is you.
369
00:16:09,045 --> 00:16:10,712
And where I would like to do it,
370
00:16:10,714 --> 00:16:12,797
is on every flat surface
371
00:16:12,799 --> 00:16:15,033
in every room of this house.
372
00:16:15,035 --> 00:16:16,968
Mm.
Mm.
373
00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:18,536
Woo. Hey.
374
00:16:18,538 --> 00:16:21,039
Oh. Jake.
375
00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:21,973
This is my friend, Gabby.
376
00:16:21,975 --> 00:16:24,876
Hi!
377
00:16:24,878 --> 00:16:26,845
We're going to go hang out
in my room.
378
00:16:26,847 --> 00:16:28,513
Uh, Jake, uh,
379
00:16:28,515 --> 00:16:30,015
hold on.
380
00:16:30,017 --> 00:16:32,383
Have you spoken
to your father lately?
381
00:16:32,385 --> 00:16:34,886
No, I don't believe I have.
382
00:16:37,606 --> 00:16:38,907
Look at the bright side.
383
00:16:38,909 --> 00:16:40,358
What bright side?
384
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,495
He might share some
of his pot with us.
385
00:16:44,830 --> 00:16:47,365
Men...
386
00:16:50,336 --> 00:16:53,271
Wake up, buttercup.
387
00:16:55,074 --> 00:16:57,792
Oh. Hey, Charlie.
388
00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:02,380
So, what do you think?
389
00:17:02,382 --> 00:17:04,349
I finally got my own place.
390
00:17:04,351 --> 00:17:06,267
Fantastic.
391
00:17:06,269 --> 00:17:08,737
You're not sponging off
that rat, are you?
392
00:17:10,389 --> 00:17:11,356
There's a rat?
393
00:17:11,358 --> 00:17:12,524
Nah, I'm just kiddin'.
394
00:17:12,526 --> 00:17:15,259
He's dead.
395
00:17:15,261 --> 00:17:18,763
But aren't you proud of me?
I mean, I did what you said.
396
00:17:18,765 --> 00:17:20,565
I'm standing
on my own two feet.
397
00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:23,451
Yeah.
398
00:17:23,453 --> 00:17:24,886
Sucker.
399
00:17:26,956 --> 00:17:28,206
What?
400
00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:30,291
I had to come back
from hell to do it,
401
00:17:30,293 --> 00:17:33,628
but I finally gotcha
out of my freakin' house!
402
00:17:34,997 --> 00:17:37,632
But I-I-I thought you wanted me
to be a better person.
403
00:17:37,634 --> 00:17:39,584
Nope.
404
00:17:39,586 --> 00:17:41,786
What? So you were just
screwing with me?
405
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:43,454
Yep.
406
00:17:43,456 --> 00:17:45,289
Why?
407
00:17:45,291 --> 00:17:49,561
I'm in hell, Alan.
That's kind of what we do.
408
00:17:49,563 --> 00:17:51,312
Whoa!
409
00:17:51,314 --> 00:17:53,732
What a horrible dream.
410
00:17:53,734 --> 00:17:56,651
What's so horrible about it?
411
00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:02,306
Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo.
412
00:18:02,308 --> 00:18:04,609
Still here.
413
00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:09,614
I can do this aaalll night.
414
00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:15,787
Men...
415
00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:20,341
Okay.
416
00:18:21,493 --> 00:18:25,180
How do we sell this?
Uh...
417
00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:30,885
911...
418
00:18:30,887 --> 00:18:32,837
911!
419
00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:36,024
Come on. You can
do better than that. Uh...
420
00:18:36,026 --> 00:18:37,358
Ah...
421
00:18:41,614 --> 00:18:43,848
Help me.
422
00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:45,116
Call 911.
423
00:18:45,986 --> 00:18:48,820
Am I dying
or taking a dump?
424
00:18:51,791 --> 00:18:53,374
Ah.
425
00:18:55,127 --> 00:18:58,630
Call 911...
Call 911...
426
00:18:58,632 --> 00:19:00,298
Yeah, that's it. Okay.
427
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,534
Showtime.
428
00:19:06,889 --> 00:19:08,256
Alan...
429
00:19:08,258 --> 00:19:09,891
Don't, don't worry.
I'm not moving back in.
430
00:19:09,893 --> 00:19:11,509
I just forgot a few things.
431
00:19:11,511 --> 00:19:12,727
Yeah, like your son?
432
00:19:12,729 --> 00:19:14,913
Wait. Jake's here?
433
00:19:14,915 --> 00:19:16,314
Yeah, and his girlfriend.
434
00:19:16,316 --> 00:19:18,683
Ah, you know,
damn that kid.
435
00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:21,886
I told him I was moving out and
he was not to come back here.
436
00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:24,138
But does he listen to me? No.
437
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,242
You know, no one ever
listens to me and I...
438
00:19:30,446 --> 00:19:31,663
Call 911.
439
00:19:31,665 --> 00:19:33,364
Call 911.
Oh, no, not again.
440
00:19:33,366 --> 00:19:34,916
Hold on.
I'll get help.
441
00:19:36,919 --> 00:19:38,720
Son of a bitch.
442
00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:43,074
What's the matter?
Couldn't find a shark?
443
00:19:48,502 --> 00:19:49,936
Men...
444
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,271
So, what do you think, Doc?
445
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,339
We won't know until
we get all the tests back,
446
00:19:53,341 --> 00:19:55,425
but right now, his heart
appears to be perfectly fine.
447
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:57,127
Thank God.
448
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,646
So how long before
I can take him home?
449
00:19:58,671 --> 00:19:59,613
Walden?
450
00:19:59,614 --> 00:20:02,064
I am sorry, Zoey,
but I am not going to have
451
00:20:02,066 --> 00:20:04,334
this man's death
on my conscience.
452
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:11,791
I'd like to thank the Academy.
453
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:17,747
There are no small parts...
454
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:19,682
only small apartments.
455
00:20:28,642 --> 00:20:30,693
I don't think you're allowed
to smoke in here.
456
00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:33,947
Does that include the joint
you just blew in the bathroom?
457
00:20:33,949 --> 00:20:36,032
How'd you know about that?
458
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,368
Call it women's intuition,
taterhead.
459
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,954
Whoa, the only person
that ever called me "taterhead"
460
00:20:40,956 --> 00:20:42,271
was my uncle Charlie.
461
00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:45,308
So, what does that
tell ya?
462
00:20:46,577 --> 00:20:48,277
I have no idea.
463
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:51,781
Screw it.
I'm going back to hell.
464
00:20:54,718 --> 00:20:56,169
Ready, ladies?
465
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:57,720
You bet.
We are.
466
00:20:57,722 --> 00:21:00,122
Then let's go.
467
00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:03,510
And me with with just a nutsack.
468
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:36,712
== Encoded, Synced & Corrected by
$H@uN ==