00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:00,917 --> 00:00:02,551 Previously on: 2 00:00:02,795 --> 00:00:05,504 It's spring break this week, so Zoey and her daughter 3 00:00:05,529 --> 00:00:06,366 are going to stay here. 4 00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:08,395 I'm going to need you to move out for the week. 5 00:00:09,087 --> 00:00:09,985 Where you staying? 6 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,021 I'm just going to have to stay with Lindsey. 7 00:00:11,022 --> 00:00:13,490 There's someone in the house. Go look. 8 00:00:16,043 --> 00:00:17,460 Ow! What?! 9 00:00:17,462 --> 00:00:19,129 Ball snag! I'm sorry! 10 00:00:19,131 --> 00:00:21,664 No, no, don't touch it! 11 00:00:22,633 --> 00:00:24,033 I'm bored. 12 00:00:24,035 --> 00:00:26,536 ♪ ♪ 13 00:00:30,691 --> 00:00:33,626 I can't do this, Berta. It's just too much. 14 00:00:33,628 --> 00:00:35,128 She just never stops. 15 00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:38,314 So, how are things going living with Zoey and her daughter? 16 00:00:38,316 --> 00:00:39,516 It's good. It's good. 17 00:00:39,518 --> 00:00:40,733 Oh. 18 00:00:40,735 --> 00:00:42,468 How's living with Lyndsey? 19 00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:45,071 Oh, it's terrific. That's great. 20 00:00:45,073 --> 00:00:47,991 So, if I could get rid of them... Yes, 100 times yes. 21 00:00:48,609 --> 00:00:52,996 Men... 22 00:00:52,998 --> 00:00:54,480 Okay. 23 00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:57,817 Zoey... 24 00:00:57,819 --> 00:00:59,752 you know I love you, and... 25 00:00:59,754 --> 00:01:02,338 I want to live with you forever. 26 00:01:02,340 --> 00:01:04,040 But we got to lose the kid. 27 00:01:07,011 --> 00:01:09,596 - Yeah, probably not. - Okay. 28 00:01:09,598 --> 00:01:12,832 Hey, have you ever thought of Swiss boarding schools? 29 00:01:14,351 --> 00:01:16,002 Hi! Sh... 30 00:01:16,004 --> 00:01:17,554 She's out like a light. 31 00:01:17,556 --> 00:01:21,674 Really? How? Did you drug her? 32 00:01:21,676 --> 00:01:24,777 I didn't think we were allowed to drug her. 33 00:01:24,779 --> 00:01:27,197 She's worn out from playing with you all day. 34 00:01:27,199 --> 00:01:29,115 She's not the only one. 35 00:01:29,117 --> 00:01:32,902 Listen... 36 00:01:32,904 --> 00:01:34,037 I've been thinking about this 37 00:01:34,039 --> 00:01:37,690 whole "moving in together" thing. 38 00:01:37,692 --> 00:01:40,877 It's all right. I admit, I had my doubts. 39 00:01:40,879 --> 00:01:43,746 But you have been so wonderful with her. 40 00:01:43,748 --> 00:01:45,582 Thank you. 41 00:01:45,584 --> 00:01:48,168 This little girl loves you so much. 44 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,090 The sun rises and sets with you. 45 00:01:54,092 --> 00:01:56,576 Huh... 46 00:01:58,229 --> 00:01:59,829 Look at what she made for you. 47 00:02:03,184 --> 00:02:06,219 Wow... 48 00:02:06,221 --> 00:02:08,855 So, you win. We're all yours. 49 00:02:08,857 --> 00:02:09,906 I mean, 50 00:02:09,908 --> 00:02:11,491 there's a million details to figure out 51 00:02:11,493 --> 00:02:13,042 before we can move in permanently. 52 00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:15,128 First and foremost, where she's going to go to school. 53 00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:17,797 Have you ever considered Switzerland? 54 00:02:17,799 --> 00:02:19,699 You're kidding, right? 55 00:02:19,701 --> 00:02:22,735 I'm ki.. of course! 56 00:02:22,737 --> 00:02:25,872 Why would I want her so far away? 57 00:02:25,874 --> 00:02:29,008 Let me put her up to bed. Then we can start making plans. 58 00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:30,243 Great. 59 00:02:30,245 --> 00:02:31,678 Mommy? Hmm? 60 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:32,762 Where's Walden? 61 00:02:32,764 --> 00:02:34,264 Oh, I'm right here. 62 00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:36,683 I love you, Walden. 63 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,886 I love you... 64 00:02:45,859 --> 00:02:48,361 Just like I planned it. 65 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:55,151 Hey, roomie! 66 00:02:55,153 --> 00:02:57,036 You got here quick. 67 00:02:57,038 --> 00:02:58,955 Yeah, Lyndsey asked me to fix the garbage disposal 68 00:02:58,957 --> 00:03:01,774 and I didn't like the odds. 69 00:03:01,776 --> 00:03:03,609 So, uh, did you talk to Zoey yet? 70 00:03:03,611 --> 00:03:04,877 Yes, I did. 71 00:03:04,879 --> 00:03:05,628 How'd she take it? 72 00:03:05,630 --> 00:03:07,413 Well, I... yeah, let's... 73 00:03:07,415 --> 00:03:09,282 Did she cry? 74 00:03:09,284 --> 00:03:10,950 No... Yelling? 75 00:03:10,952 --> 00:03:12,669 No. There was no yelling. 76 00:03:12,671 --> 00:03:16,005 Yeah, I know that I said that I wanted to get rid of her 77 00:03:16,007 --> 00:03:17,590 and have you come back... 78 00:03:17,592 --> 00:03:19,058 Oh, no! 79 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:21,060 You know, I, I love her. 80 00:03:21,062 --> 00:03:22,478 Oh, no! 81 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,264 And I, I love the kid. 82 00:03:24,266 --> 00:03:25,481 No! 83 00:03:25,483 --> 00:03:27,183 I'm just going to have to make it work. 84 00:03:27,185 --> 00:03:28,985 No, no, no, no, no, no! 85 00:03:28,987 --> 00:03:31,470 Alan, I'm sorry. 86 00:03:32,990 --> 00:03:36,025 Okay, okay, I'll... I'll figure something out. 87 00:03:36,027 --> 00:03:39,162 If nothing else, I am a survivor. 88 00:03:46,705 --> 00:03:49,005 Okay, very funny. Survivor, I get it. 89 00:03:51,042 --> 00:03:54,294 Oh, come on! I feel bad enough already. 90 00:03:54,296 --> 00:03:55,928 Help me... 91 00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:57,130 911! 92 00:03:57,132 --> 00:03:58,631 Oh, okay. I'll play along. 93 00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:01,301 Here, would 100 dollars 94 00:04:01,303 --> 00:04:02,769 make you better? 95 00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:05,004 You're not kidding? 96 00:04:05,006 --> 00:04:06,472 Not kidding... 97 00:04:06,474 --> 00:04:08,107 Don't die. 98 00:04:20,404 --> 00:04:22,789 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 99 00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:25,641 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 100 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:28,466 ♪ Two and a Half Men 9x22 ♪ Why We Gave Up Women Original Air Date on April 30, 2012 101 00:04:28,491 --> 00:04:31,791 == Encoded, Synced & Corrected by $H@uN == 102 00:04:31,843 --> 00:04:34,112 I want him to have the best possible care. 103 00:04:34,114 --> 00:04:36,447 So, whatever it takes, I'll pay for it. 104 00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:38,015 You're going to have to. 105 00:04:38,017 --> 00:04:41,452 The man's got the worst insurance policy I've ever seen. 106 00:04:41,454 --> 00:04:45,123 What do you mean? He's got a $500,000 deductible. 107 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,492 A $500,000 deductible? 108 00:04:47,494 --> 00:04:48,960 Even at our prices, he ain't gonna 109 00:04:48,962 --> 00:04:50,628 hit that with one heart attack. 110 00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:53,247 All right, well, I'll just... I'll take care of it. 111 00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:55,867 Just check the box "Domestic Partner." 112 00:04:55,869 --> 00:04:59,337 Oh, no, we're just buddies. 113 00:04:59,339 --> 00:05:01,622 We got no buddy forms. 114 00:05:01,624 --> 00:05:04,725 Yeah, but... Just check the damn box. 115 00:05:09,848 --> 00:05:13,935 Come out, come out, wherever you are. 116 00:05:13,937 --> 00:05:17,321 I guess there's nothing to do now but wait. 117 00:05:17,323 --> 00:05:19,557 Forgive me for being callous, 118 00:05:19,559 --> 00:05:22,243 but don't you think this heart attack is a bit convenient? 119 00:05:22,245 --> 00:05:24,278 What? Come on. 120 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,447 He tries to weasel his way back into the house. 121 00:05:26,449 --> 00:05:27,665 You tell him no 122 00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,917 and he falls to the ground, clutching his chest. 123 00:05:29,919 --> 00:05:32,119 You think he faked a heart attack? 124 00:05:32,121 --> 00:05:35,089 I think he'd fake a shark attack. 125 00:05:35,091 --> 00:05:36,907 How do you fake a shark attack? 126 00:05:36,909 --> 00:05:39,910 I don't know. Ask Alan. 127 00:05:39,912 --> 00:05:41,745 Harper? 128 00:05:41,747 --> 00:05:43,681 Yeah, right here. 129 00:05:43,683 --> 00:05:46,250 Okay, well, your boyfriend's going to be fine. 130 00:05:46,252 --> 00:05:47,802 That's great. 131 00:05:47,804 --> 00:05:49,103 Uh, he's not my... 132 00:05:49,105 --> 00:05:50,605 It's great. 133 00:05:51,423 --> 00:05:53,057 It was the form. It was just easier. 134 00:05:53,059 --> 00:05:56,811 Um, did he actually have a heart attack? 135 00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:59,530 It was a mild one, but yes. Told you. 136 00:06:00,515 --> 00:06:02,316 He should be fine. He's just going to need rest 137 00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:03,568 and as little stress as possible. 138 00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,236 For how long? 139 00:06:05,238 --> 00:06:07,121 I don't know, at least a month or two. 140 00:06:07,123 --> 00:06:09,123 Great... 141 00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:11,626 That's why we gave up women. Am I right? 142 00:06:13,245 --> 00:06:14,645 It's a compelling argument. 143 00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:23,454 Hi. 144 00:06:23,456 --> 00:06:25,923 Hi, Walden. 145 00:06:25,925 --> 00:06:27,558 How ya feelin'? 146 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,994 Fan-tastic. 147 00:06:29,996 --> 00:06:32,513 I'm on a morphine drip. 148 00:06:34,466 --> 00:06:38,636 Everyone should have a morphine drip. 149 00:06:38,638 --> 00:06:41,639 There would be no more war. 150 00:06:41,641 --> 00:06:44,158 Listen, the doctor said 151 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,445 that you... had a little heart attack, 152 00:06:47,447 --> 00:06:48,913 but you're going to be fine. 153 00:06:48,915 --> 00:06:51,382 Oh, yeah. 154 00:06:51,384 --> 00:06:53,417 Yeah, I remember now. 155 00:06:53,419 --> 00:06:55,703 Zoey's moving in and... 156 00:06:55,705 --> 00:06:57,988 I'm... I'm moving out. 157 00:07:01,326 --> 00:07:03,160 No, you're not moving out. 158 00:07:03,162 --> 00:07:04,795 I'm-I'm not? 159 00:07:04,797 --> 00:07:08,165 No, you can stay as long as you want. As long as you need. 160 00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:09,600 Oh. 161 00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:15,523 Oh, that's... that's so good to hear. 162 00:07:15,525 --> 00:07:18,025 Thataboy. 163 00:07:18,027 --> 00:07:21,529 I just... I just want you to not worry about anything. 164 00:07:21,531 --> 00:07:22,530 I won't. 165 00:07:22,532 --> 00:07:24,181 Okay. 166 00:07:24,183 --> 00:07:26,183 You just relax and feel better, okay? 167 00:07:26,185 --> 00:07:28,152 Okeydokey. 168 00:07:30,689 --> 00:07:32,690 Hey, Walden. Guess what? 169 00:07:32,692 --> 00:07:33,857 What? 170 00:07:33,859 --> 00:07:37,645 I'm peeing right now. 171 00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:39,280 No kidding. 172 00:07:39,282 --> 00:07:41,198 But it's okay. 173 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:45,753 There's a tube attached to my wiener. 174 00:07:49,675 --> 00:07:51,859 I don't think there is. 175 00:07:55,147 --> 00:07:57,381 Oh... 176 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,900 Men... 177 00:07:59,902 --> 00:08:02,853 - My God. He's going to be okay? - Yeah. 178 00:08:02,855 --> 00:08:04,438 He just needs to take it easy. 179 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,357 I don't know what I would do 180 00:08:06,359 --> 00:08:07,891 if anything happened to him. 181 00:08:10,279 --> 00:08:12,446 I've already lost my good son! 182 00:08:15,534 --> 00:08:18,169 Do you happen to know if they validate parking? 183 00:08:21,573 --> 00:08:23,507 So, are those tubes putting stuff in 184 00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:24,759 or taking stuff out? 185 00:08:24,761 --> 00:08:26,744 I think a little bit of both. 186 00:08:26,746 --> 00:08:28,179 Oh, I get it. 187 00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:31,182 It's like eating on the toilet. 188 00:08:31,184 --> 00:08:32,900 So, what did the doctor say? 189 00:08:32,902 --> 00:08:35,186 Uh, he just said he needs to take it easy. 190 00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:36,354 You know, no stress. 191 00:08:36,356 --> 00:08:37,955 Then I guess we shouldn't tell him 192 00:08:37,957 --> 00:08:39,123 about what happened at school. 193 00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:41,859 No, we definitely should not. 194 00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:44,762 Honest to God, someone put that pot in my locker. 195 00:08:46,498 --> 00:08:47,815 Why would they do that? 196 00:08:47,817 --> 00:08:51,502 That, my friend, is the million-dollar question. 197 00:08:54,956 --> 00:08:56,073 Look, Lyndsey, 198 00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:57,375 I know you're his girlfriend, 199 00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:59,677 and I know you'd like to take care of him, but... 200 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,179 I kind of feel responsible for this. 201 00:09:02,181 --> 00:09:04,999 And I'd like him to stay with me until he recovers. 202 00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:07,134 Fine. Let's go get some coffee. 203 00:09:11,757 --> 00:09:13,624 Men... 204 00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:15,810 Wake up, Alan. 205 00:09:18,464 --> 00:09:22,466 Is it spongebath time again? 206 00:09:22,468 --> 00:09:24,735 You wish. 207 00:09:30,525 --> 00:09:32,026 What's going on? 208 00:09:32,028 --> 00:09:33,143 Who are you? 209 00:09:33,145 --> 00:09:35,613 Ah, Alan, that hurts. 210 00:09:35,615 --> 00:09:37,998 Don't you recognize your own brother? 211 00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:47,596 Men... 212 00:09:47,598 --> 00:09:49,381 What is this, some kind of sick joke? 213 00:09:49,383 --> 00:09:51,133 Charlie's dead. 214 00:09:51,135 --> 00:09:54,487 You're dubious. Understandable. 215 00:09:54,489 --> 00:09:56,055 When you were 14 years old, 216 00:09:56,057 --> 00:09:57,923 you went to your first boy/girl party, 217 00:09:57,925 --> 00:09:59,108 and you were really nervous 218 00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,559 because they were going to play spin the bottle. 219 00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:01,393 Yeah? 220 00:10:01,395 --> 00:10:02,828 So, before you left the house, 221 00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:05,364 I convinced you that the grownup way to French-kiss 222 00:10:05,366 --> 00:10:07,500 was to spit in the other person's mouth. 223 00:10:09,286 --> 00:10:11,954 You hocked a big loogie down Marcy Bilson's throat 224 00:10:11,956 --> 00:10:13,839 and she'd kicked you in the nuts. 225 00:10:13,841 --> 00:10:17,076 Ah, come on, everybody in high school knew that story. 226 00:10:17,078 --> 00:10:18,961 Answer me this: 227 00:10:18,963 --> 00:10:21,797 What are your five favorite words to hear from a woman? 228 00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:25,234 "I can't spend the night." 229 00:10:25,936 --> 00:10:27,937 Charlie... 230 00:10:27,939 --> 00:10:30,255 At your service. 231 00:10:30,257 --> 00:10:32,425 I don't... I don't understand. 232 00:10:32,427 --> 00:10:34,927 Are you reincarnated or something? 233 00:10:34,929 --> 00:10:36,946 Nah, I'm in hell. 234 00:10:39,449 --> 00:10:41,901 Walking around in this old broad's body 235 00:10:41,903 --> 00:10:45,104 is supposed to be some kind of eternal damnation. 236 00:10:46,373 --> 00:10:47,289 You know what? 237 00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,041 The joke's on them. 238 00:10:49,043 --> 00:10:51,577 Boobs are still boobs. 239 00:10:54,081 --> 00:10:55,581 So, why are you here? 240 00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:57,166 I thought you could use a little help. 241 00:10:57,168 --> 00:10:58,768 I have been through a rough patch. 242 00:10:58,770 --> 00:11:01,270 You look like you've been through a propeller. 243 00:11:02,539 --> 00:11:04,623 I came here to tell you it's not too late 244 00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:05,641 to turn your life around. 245 00:11:05,643 --> 00:11:06,459 How? 246 00:11:06,461 --> 00:11:08,144 Stop being a parasite. 247 00:11:08,146 --> 00:11:10,930 Step up. Be a man. Grow a pair. 248 00:11:11,998 --> 00:11:15,134 Uh, parenthetically, this body actually has a pair. 249 00:11:16,486 --> 00:11:18,904 They dangle right under my hooha. 250 00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:24,610 Did not need to know that. 251 00:11:24,612 --> 00:11:27,446 Point being, you lived on me for eight years 252 00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:29,198 and now you're living off this new guy. 253 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,150 Now, now, hang on. W-Walden's my friend. 254 00:11:31,152 --> 00:11:32,868 He invited me to stay with him. 255 00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:35,821 Oh, kiss my surprisingly tight ass. 256 00:11:35,823 --> 00:11:38,090 You're nobody's friend. 257 00:11:38,092 --> 00:11:41,043 You're a useless appendage, like tonsils, 258 00:11:41,045 --> 00:11:44,430 or the nutsack under my hooha. 259 00:11:44,432 --> 00:11:47,883 I see hell hasn't mellowed you out any. 260 00:11:47,885 --> 00:11:49,602 Listen to me, you got to get out 261 00:11:49,604 --> 00:11:52,021 of that guy's house and make a life for yourself. 262 00:11:52,023 --> 00:11:53,856 I suppose I could go live with Lyndsey. 263 00:11:53,858 --> 00:11:55,507 You're missing my point. 264 00:11:55,509 --> 00:11:57,526 I'm not suggesting that the tapeworm 265 00:11:57,528 --> 00:11:59,979 find a new colon to crawl into. 266 00:12:01,148 --> 00:12:02,715 Hold out your hand. 267 00:12:04,484 --> 00:12:06,368 Thank you. 268 00:12:08,038 --> 00:12:09,521 This is your last chance, Alan. 269 00:12:09,523 --> 00:12:11,490 Move out of that house. Get your own place. 270 00:12:11,492 --> 00:12:13,209 Start pulling your own weight in the world. 271 00:12:13,211 --> 00:12:14,877 Okay. I will. 272 00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:16,796 You'll see. I can change. 273 00:12:16,798 --> 00:12:18,297 Good. 274 00:12:18,299 --> 00:12:19,865 Then my work here is done. 275 00:12:19,867 --> 00:12:21,700 Well, thanks, Charlie. 276 00:12:21,702 --> 00:12:23,219 You got it. 277 00:12:23,221 --> 00:12:26,705 Oh, uh, 278 00:12:26,707 --> 00:12:27,890 Before I go... 279 00:12:28,809 --> 00:12:30,375 ...you gotta check this out. 280 00:12:31,094 --> 00:12:31,977 Oh! 281 00:12:31,979 --> 00:12:33,545 Oh! 282 00:12:33,547 --> 00:12:35,214 Was I lying? 283 00:12:35,216 --> 00:12:37,583 Tell me that's not disturbing. 284 00:12:45,225 --> 00:12:47,226 Men... 285 00:12:47,228 --> 00:12:48,861 What do you want me to do, Zoey? 286 00:12:48,863 --> 00:12:51,497 The last time I asked him to leave, he almost died. 287 00:12:51,499 --> 00:12:52,698 Well, what does that mean? 288 00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,917 He lives with you until he actually does die? 289 00:12:54,919 --> 00:12:57,536 No, just until he gets back on his feet. 290 00:12:57,538 --> 00:12:59,588 The man has no feet. 291 00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:01,507 He is a footless man. 292 00:13:01,509 --> 00:13:03,175 Okay, come on. 293 00:13:03,177 --> 00:13:05,845 What about his mother? Why doesn't he live with her? 294 00:13:05,847 --> 00:13:07,046 They don't really get along. 295 00:13:07,048 --> 00:13:08,631 What about his girlfriend? 296 00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,749 They don't really get along. 297 00:13:10,751 --> 00:13:12,218 Oh, God. 298 00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:13,886 So we're stuck with him forever. 299 00:13:13,888 --> 00:13:18,057 The man is the herpes of houseguests. 300 00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:21,043 Come on. That is not fair. 301 00:13:21,045 --> 00:13:22,111 You're right. 302 00:13:22,113 --> 00:13:24,446 Herpes sometimes disappears for a while. 303 00:13:25,982 --> 00:13:27,366 Surprise! 304 00:13:27,368 --> 00:13:28,400 Alan. 305 00:13:28,402 --> 00:13:30,402 Herpes. 306 00:13:30,404 --> 00:13:31,770 What? They let you out? 307 00:13:31,772 --> 00:13:33,605 Oh, no, no. I checked myself out. 308 00:13:33,607 --> 00:13:35,391 I didn't want you to have to pay one more penny for me. 309 00:13:35,393 --> 00:13:36,441 Oh, come on. 310 00:13:36,443 --> 00:13:37,609 The money is not important. 311 00:13:37,611 --> 00:13:38,961 What's important is your health. 312 00:13:38,963 --> 00:13:40,996 No, what's important is that I stop being a parasite 313 00:13:40,998 --> 00:13:42,164 and stand on my own two feet. 314 00:13:42,166 --> 00:13:43,966 You have no feet. 315 00:13:45,335 --> 00:13:46,752 What was that? 316 00:13:46,754 --> 00:13:47,836 It's Zoey. 317 00:13:47,838 --> 00:13:49,788 I'll be right there, honey. 318 00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:52,675 I'm just going to grab my stuff, and I'll get out of your hair. 319 00:13:52,677 --> 00:13:53,909 Are you sure? 320 00:13:53,911 --> 00:13:56,345 I am positive, Walden. I-I have had an epiphany. 321 00:13:56,347 --> 00:13:58,480 I need to make a big change in my life. 322 00:13:58,482 --> 00:14:00,316 Wow. 323 00:14:00,318 --> 00:14:01,483 Where will you go? 324 00:14:01,485 --> 00:14:03,402 Oh, I found a cute little place online. 325 00:14:03,404 --> 00:14:04,737 Uh, you know, it's not much, 326 00:14:04,739 --> 00:14:06,855 but, uh, at least I'll have my pride. 327 00:14:06,857 --> 00:14:08,324 I don't know, Alan. 328 00:14:08,326 --> 00:14:11,810 Let the man have his pride! 329 00:14:11,812 --> 00:14:15,331 Uh, here's my address for mailing stuff. 330 00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,284 If this is what you want... 331 00:14:18,286 --> 00:14:19,084 It's what I want. 332 00:14:19,086 --> 00:14:20,786 It's what everybody wants! 333 00:14:22,672 --> 00:14:23,989 Don't listen to her. 334 00:14:23,991 --> 00:14:26,258 Oh, no, no. She's right. 335 00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,378 She's an angry, cold-hearted tea bag! 336 00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:32,014 But she's right. 337 00:14:32,016 --> 00:14:34,383 What did he say? 338 00:14:34,385 --> 00:14:36,719 He said that you were right. 339 00:14:38,688 --> 00:14:40,472 Men... 340 00:14:42,441 --> 00:14:43,608 No, Jake. 341 00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:45,043 If I'm not living at the beach house, 342 00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:46,745 you're not living at the beach house. 343 00:14:46,747 --> 00:14:49,631 Yeah, well, sometimes life just isn't fair. 344 00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:52,968 Well, sure you can visit me where I'm living now. 345 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:55,053 But, uh, you're not going to have your own room 346 00:14:55,055 --> 00:14:57,121 or your own bed or your own bathroom 347 00:14:57,123 --> 00:14:59,791 and... you might need to have a tetanus shot. 348 00:15:02,261 --> 00:15:04,446 But I'd love to have you. 349 00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:06,648 Okay, you let me know. 350 00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:09,484 Okay, good night. 351 00:15:13,606 --> 00:15:15,306 All right. 352 00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:17,359 It's not much, but... 353 00:15:17,361 --> 00:15:18,577 it's mine. 354 00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:22,998 I am self-sufficient. 355 00:15:25,451 --> 00:15:28,370 And beholden to no one. 356 00:15:35,929 --> 00:15:38,930 Oh, that's not a good sign. 357 00:15:41,768 --> 00:15:43,602 Men... 358 00:15:44,553 --> 00:15:46,054 It's odd... 359 00:15:46,056 --> 00:15:47,672 But now that Alan's finally gone, 360 00:15:47,674 --> 00:15:49,391 I actually kind of miss him. 361 00:15:49,393 --> 00:15:50,725 Yeah, me too. 362 00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:52,193 Walden, I'm kidding. 363 00:15:53,846 --> 00:15:54,846 Oh, yeah, me too. 364 00:15:58,818 --> 00:16:00,235 So... 365 00:16:00,237 --> 00:16:02,370 Now that we have the house to ourselves, 366 00:16:02,372 --> 00:16:03,571 what would you like to do? 367 00:16:03,573 --> 00:16:05,540 What I would like to do 368 00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:07,592 is you. 369 00:16:09,045 --> 00:16:10,712 And where I would like to do it, 370 00:16:10,714 --> 00:16:12,797 is on every flat surface 371 00:16:12,799 --> 00:16:15,033 in every room of this house. 372 00:16:15,035 --> 00:16:16,968 Mm. Mm. 373 00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:18,536 Woo. Hey. 374 00:16:18,538 --> 00:16:21,039 Oh. Jake. 375 00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:21,973 This is my friend, Gabby. 376 00:16:21,975 --> 00:16:24,876 Hi! 377 00:16:24,878 --> 00:16:26,845 We're going to go hang out in my room. 378 00:16:26,847 --> 00:16:28,513 Uh, Jake, uh, 379 00:16:28,515 --> 00:16:30,015 hold on. 380 00:16:30,017 --> 00:16:32,383 Have you spoken to your father lately? 381 00:16:32,385 --> 00:16:34,886 No, I don't believe I have. 382 00:16:37,606 --> 00:16:38,907 Look at the bright side. 383 00:16:38,909 --> 00:16:40,358 What bright side? 384 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,495 He might share some of his pot with us. 385 00:16:44,830 --> 00:16:47,365 Men... 386 00:16:50,336 --> 00:16:53,271 Wake up, buttercup. 387 00:16:55,074 --> 00:16:57,792 Oh. Hey, Charlie. 388 00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:02,380 So, what do you think? 389 00:17:02,382 --> 00:17:04,349 I finally got my own place. 390 00:17:04,351 --> 00:17:06,267 Fantastic. 391 00:17:06,269 --> 00:17:08,737 You're not sponging off that rat, are you? 392 00:17:10,389 --> 00:17:11,356 There's a rat? 393 00:17:11,358 --> 00:17:12,524 Nah, I'm just kiddin'. 394 00:17:12,526 --> 00:17:15,259 He's dead. 395 00:17:15,261 --> 00:17:18,763 But aren't you proud of me? I mean, I did what you said. 396 00:17:18,765 --> 00:17:20,565 I'm standing on my own two feet. 397 00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:23,451 Yeah. 398 00:17:23,453 --> 00:17:24,886 Sucker. 399 00:17:26,956 --> 00:17:28,206 What? 400 00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:30,291 I had to come back from hell to do it, 401 00:17:30,293 --> 00:17:33,628 but I finally gotcha out of my freakin' house! 402 00:17:34,997 --> 00:17:37,632 But I-I-I thought you wanted me to be a better person. 403 00:17:37,634 --> 00:17:39,584 Nope. 404 00:17:39,586 --> 00:17:41,786 What? So you were just screwing with me? 405 00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:43,454 Yep. 406 00:17:43,456 --> 00:17:45,289 Why? 407 00:17:45,291 --> 00:17:49,561 I'm in hell, Alan. That's kind of what we do. 408 00:17:49,563 --> 00:17:51,312 Whoa! 409 00:17:51,314 --> 00:17:53,732 What a horrible dream. 410 00:17:53,734 --> 00:17:56,651 What's so horrible about it? 411 00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:02,306 Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo. 412 00:18:02,308 --> 00:18:04,609 Still here. 413 00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:09,614 I can do this aaalll night. 414 00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:15,787 Men... 415 00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:20,341 Okay. 416 00:18:21,493 --> 00:18:25,180 How do we sell this? Uh... 417 00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:30,885 911... 418 00:18:30,887 --> 00:18:32,837 911! 419 00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:36,024 Come on. You can do better than that. Uh... 420 00:18:36,026 --> 00:18:37,358 Ah... 421 00:18:41,614 --> 00:18:43,848 Help me. 422 00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:45,116 Call 911. 423 00:18:45,986 --> 00:18:48,820 Am I dying or taking a dump? 424 00:18:51,791 --> 00:18:53,374 Ah. 425 00:18:55,127 --> 00:18:58,630 Call 911... Call 911... 426 00:18:58,632 --> 00:19:00,298 Yeah, that's it. Okay. 427 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,534 Showtime. 428 00:19:06,889 --> 00:19:08,256 Alan... 429 00:19:08,258 --> 00:19:09,891 Don't, don't worry. I'm not moving back in. 430 00:19:09,893 --> 00:19:11,509 I just forgot a few things. 431 00:19:11,511 --> 00:19:12,727 Yeah, like your son? 432 00:19:12,729 --> 00:19:14,913 Wait. Jake's here? 433 00:19:14,915 --> 00:19:16,314 Yeah, and his girlfriend. 434 00:19:16,316 --> 00:19:18,683 Ah, you know, damn that kid. 435 00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:21,886 I told him I was moving out and he was not to come back here. 436 00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:24,138 But does he listen to me? No. 437 00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,242 You know, no one ever listens to me and I... 438 00:19:30,446 --> 00:19:31,663 Call 911. 439 00:19:31,665 --> 00:19:33,364 Call 911. Oh, no, not again. 440 00:19:33,366 --> 00:19:34,916 Hold on. I'll get help. 441 00:19:36,919 --> 00:19:38,720 Son of a bitch. 442 00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:43,074 What's the matter? Couldn't find a shark? 443 00:19:48,502 --> 00:19:49,936 Men... 444 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,271 So, what do you think, Doc? 445 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,339 We won't know until we get all the tests back, 446 00:19:53,341 --> 00:19:55,425 but right now, his heart appears to be perfectly fine. 447 00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:57,127 Thank God. 448 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,646 So how long before I can take him home? 449 00:19:58,671 --> 00:19:59,613 Walden? 450 00:19:59,614 --> 00:20:02,064 I am sorry, Zoey, but I am not going to have 451 00:20:02,066 --> 00:20:04,334 this man's death on my conscience. 452 00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:11,791 I'd like to thank the Academy. 453 00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:17,747 There are no small parts... 454 00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:19,682 only small apartments. 455 00:20:28,642 --> 00:20:30,693 I don't think you're allowed to smoke in here. 456 00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:33,947 Does that include the joint you just blew in the bathroom? 457 00:20:33,949 --> 00:20:36,032 How'd you know about that? 458 00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,368 Call it women's intuition, taterhead. 459 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,954 Whoa, the only person that ever called me "taterhead" 460 00:20:40,956 --> 00:20:42,271 was my uncle Charlie. 461 00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:45,308 So, what does that tell ya? 462 00:20:46,577 --> 00:20:48,277 I have no idea. 463 00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:51,781 Screw it. I'm going back to hell. 464 00:20:54,718 --> 00:20:56,169 Ready, ladies? 465 00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:57,720 You bet. We are. 466 00:20:57,722 --> 00:21:00,122 Then let's go. 467 00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:03,510 And me with with just a nutsack. 468 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:36,712 == Encoded, Synced & Corrected by $H@uN ==