00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:03,215 --> 00:00:06,183 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh... oh, my God. 2 00:00:06,185 --> 00:00:09,019 Oh... Oh, my God, Jenny! Oh, my God. 3 00:00:09,021 --> 00:00:10,420 Yeah. Oh... Oh, my God. 4 00:00:10,422 --> 00:00:13,023 Oh, my God. 5 00:00:13,025 --> 00:00:15,259 Oh, Jenny! Give it to me. 6 00:00:15,261 --> 00:00:16,793 Give it to me, Jenny. 7 00:00:16,795 --> 00:00:18,829 Just give it to her already. 8 00:00:24,869 --> 00:00:25,769 Hey. 9 00:00:25,771 --> 00:00:27,404 Hey. Couldn't sleep, either? 10 00:00:27,406 --> 00:00:30,474 No. Jenny and her friend are crazy in there. 11 00:00:30,476 --> 00:00:33,277 Have you ever made a woman scream like that? 12 00:00:33,279 --> 00:00:34,344 Once. 13 00:00:34,346 --> 00:00:36,213 I hit her with my car. 14 00:00:36,215 --> 00:00:37,881 It sounded like Jenny hit her 15 00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:41,151 and then backed over her again. 16 00:00:41,153 --> 00:00:42,786 And then hit her, 17 00:00:42,788 --> 00:00:45,155 a-and then... backed over her again. 18 00:00:46,591 --> 00:00:48,525 And then hit her... 19 00:00:48,527 --> 00:00:50,360 and then backed over her again. 20 00:00:50,362 --> 00:00:53,630 I counted eight orgasms, not including mine. 21 00:00:53,632 --> 00:00:54,998 Hey, that's my niece. Oh, yeah, 22 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,968 and out of respect to you, I only listened to her friend. 23 00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:00,103 Yeah, me, too. 24 00:01:01,172 --> 00:01:03,307 Hey, how about this weekend we go out 25 00:01:03,309 --> 00:01:05,475 and find some women and make 'em scream? 26 00:01:06,344 --> 00:01:08,178 In-in your imagination, 27 00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:11,415 are they running away from you or towards you? 28 00:01:11,417 --> 00:01:12,983 You know what I mean. 29 00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:15,185 Let's go out and find some strange. 30 00:01:15,187 --> 00:01:18,388 I'm looking at some strange. 31 00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,290 Besides, I can't. 32 00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:22,159 My mom's got a charity dinner this weekend. 33 00:01:22,161 --> 00:01:24,027 Oh, she's still trying to help the monkeys? 34 00:01:24,029 --> 00:01:27,264 Yeah, she's raising money to expand her sanctuary 35 00:01:27,266 --> 00:01:30,400 for helpless creatures that nobody else wants. 36 00:01:30,402 --> 00:01:32,102 Kind of like what I do for you. 37 00:01:32,104 --> 00:01:34,605 Will there be any single ladies there 38 00:01:34,607 --> 00:01:36,506 looking to use those opposable thumbs? 39 00:01:36,508 --> 00:01:39,343 You know, swing on my vine, peel my banana. 40 00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:41,011 Well, there might be a few there 41 00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:43,213 that want to throw their poop at you. 42 00:01:43,215 --> 00:01:45,782 Mm, sounds like a good cause; I'll buy a ticket. 43 00:01:45,784 --> 00:01:48,752 They're a thousand dollars apiece. 44 00:01:48,754 --> 00:01:51,955 Can I borrow $998? 45 00:01:51,957 --> 00:01:53,156 Hey. 46 00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:55,058 Hey. Hey. 47 00:01:59,598 --> 00:02:01,031 That'll work. 48 00:02:01,866 --> 00:02:03,233 You know what they say: 49 00:02:03,235 --> 00:02:07,137 once you go Black & Decker, you never go back. 50 00:02:07,139 --> 00:02:09,706 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 51 00:02:09,708 --> 00:02:12,409 ♪ Ah. ♪ Men. 52 00:02:12,434 --> 00:02:16,434 ♪ Two and a Half Men 11x06 ♪ Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants Original Air Date on November 7, 2013 53 00:02:16,459 --> 00:02:21,459 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 54 00:02:24,194 --> 00:02:26,095 Hey! Look at you. 55 00:02:26,097 --> 00:02:28,097 Where are you going in that monkey suit? 56 00:02:28,099 --> 00:02:29,799 A benefit. 57 00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:31,834 For monkeys. 58 00:02:33,136 --> 00:02:34,737 How do I look? 59 00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:37,073 Like you should be on top of a cake. 60 00:02:37,075 --> 00:02:38,941 Let me guess: you're the cake. 61 00:02:38,943 --> 00:02:43,612 No, I'm the one that gets to blow out the candle. 62 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,552 Oh, when did we install a mirror in here? 63 00:02:49,554 --> 00:02:51,087 Tell the truth, Berta, 64 00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:52,822 you ever seen two better-looking guys? 65 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,223 No. 66 00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:55,691 Yes. 67 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,229 Oh. That must be my date. 68 00:03:02,032 --> 00:03:04,367 Hi, honey. You look amazing. 69 00:03:04,369 --> 00:03:07,003 Oh, you look so handsome. 70 00:03:07,005 --> 00:03:08,537 Wow, nice job, Walden. 71 00:03:08,539 --> 00:03:09,972 Where'd you two meet? 72 00:03:09,974 --> 00:03:12,074 Kind of a "meet cute." 73 00:03:12,076 --> 00:03:13,743 I shot out of her. 74 00:03:13,745 --> 00:03:15,578 Jenny, this is my mom, Robin. 75 00:03:15,580 --> 00:03:18,247 Mom, this is my new roommate, Jenny. 76 00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:19,915 Oh, well, it's a pleasure to meet you. 77 00:03:19,917 --> 00:03:21,517 Alan, 78 00:03:21,519 --> 00:03:23,085 does this mean you finally moved out? 79 00:03:26,223 --> 00:03:27,823 No, no, no, Jenny's my niece. 80 00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:29,191 She's staying in Jake's room. 81 00:03:29,193 --> 00:03:32,461 Well, I have my charity, you have yours. 82 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,931 I can see where Walden gets his pretty face. 83 00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,266 Aren't you sweet? 84 00:03:37,268 --> 00:03:38,501 He's single, you know. 85 00:03:38,503 --> 00:03:40,736 I know. Are you? 86 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,206 Okay. All right, let's... 87 00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:47,276 go save some monkeys. 88 00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:50,413 Really? 89 00:03:50,415 --> 00:03:51,947 Hey, just 'cause you came out of it 90 00:03:51,949 --> 00:03:54,550 doesn't mean I don't want to get into it. 91 00:03:58,422 --> 00:04:01,090 They call these martinis? 92 00:04:01,092 --> 00:04:04,026 The only thing they're saving the monkeys from are DUI's. 93 00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:06,829 You like that one? 94 00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:11,133 No, I was just picturing a drunk monkey driving a car. 95 00:04:12,302 --> 00:04:14,103 Walden. Mm. 96 00:04:14,105 --> 00:04:15,404 Oh. 97 00:04:15,406 --> 00:04:17,973 That woman with your mom looks just like Lynda Carter. 98 00:04:20,445 --> 00:04:21,744 That is Lynda Carter. 99 00:04:21,746 --> 00:04:22,978 Really? 100 00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:24,947 Wait, wait, T-TV's Wonder Woman? 101 00:04:24,949 --> 00:04:26,482 The jewel of Paradise Island? 102 00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:30,019 The-the shining crusader for justice and star-spangled hot pants? 103 00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:32,321 I-I just call her Lynda. 104 00:04:32,323 --> 00:04:35,691 And I just lost the cleaning deposit on this tux. 105 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:36,892 Walden. 106 00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:38,761 Lynda, you look amazing. 107 00:04:38,763 --> 00:04:41,464 Oh, my God. The last time we saw each other, 108 00:04:41,466 --> 00:04:43,165 you barely came up to here. 109 00:04:43,167 --> 00:04:45,835 I remember those... days. 110 00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,804 Introduce me. 111 00:04:48,806 --> 00:04:51,073 Robin, you told me he was successful, 112 00:04:51,075 --> 00:04:53,509 but you didn't tell me how gorgeous he is. 113 00:04:53,511 --> 00:04:56,011 Well, it takes a gorgeous person to know one. 114 00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:59,615 No, it doesn't. I'm Alan. 115 00:04:59,617 --> 00:05:01,417 Hi. 116 00:05:01,419 --> 00:05:04,443 This is Alan Harper. He lives with Walden. 117 00:05:04,468 --> 00:05:05,188 Oh, well, it's lovely 118 00:05:05,189 --> 00:05:06,355 to meet you. 119 00:05:06,357 --> 00:05:09,258 My gay fans have always been my biggest supporters. 120 00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,527 Oh, oh, no, no, I-I'm not gay. 121 00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:14,230 Oh, I'm sorry. Transgender? 122 00:05:15,132 --> 00:05:17,066 I told you the hormones weren't working. 123 00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:20,336 He's kidding. Uh, I-I am very straight. 124 00:05:20,338 --> 00:05:23,706 In fact, the longer I look at you the straighter I become. 125 00:05:23,708 --> 00:05:26,575 Well, if you'll excuse us, I'm gonna start a fund 126 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:29,512 to, um, save Lynda from this conversation. 127 00:05:29,514 --> 00:05:31,680 It's lovely to meet you. 128 00:05:31,682 --> 00:05:34,984 And it was "wonder-ful" meeting you. 129 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,720 That's funny. I've never heard that one before. 130 00:05:37,722 --> 00:05:39,421 Don't be a stranger. Okay. 131 00:05:40,290 --> 00:05:41,924 Call me. 132 00:05:44,461 --> 00:05:47,363 What the hell are you doing? 133 00:05:47,365 --> 00:05:51,000 Sorry, I just wanted to put my mouth where her mouth was. 134 00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:53,502 And I also wanted to thank you for a lovely evening. 135 00:05:58,308 --> 00:05:59,441 Morning. 136 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,010 Mm. I got to tell you, 137 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:03,913 you gave me a night that I will never forget. 138 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,617 Don't ever say that to me again. 139 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,818 I'm serious. Meeting Lynda Carter was 140 00:06:09,820 --> 00:06:11,587 one of the greatest moments of my life. 141 00:06:11,589 --> 00:06:13,289 I mean, she was my first celebrity crush. 142 00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:15,324 I had a poster of her that looked like 143 00:06:15,326 --> 00:06:18,060 the bottom of a birdcage. 144 00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:22,431 On behalf of Lynda Carter and the rest of humanity... 145 00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,233 yuck. 146 00:06:24,235 --> 00:06:26,802 You know, it's not just about how beautiful she was. 147 00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,371 I mean, she's multitalented. I mean, I had all of her albums, 148 00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,473 I-I-I've seen everything she's ever done. 149 00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:32,875 How? 150 00:06:32,877 --> 00:06:35,444 Were you hiding outside her house in a bush? 151 00:06:39,182 --> 00:06:42,251 Lynda Carter's bush. 152 00:06:44,087 --> 00:06:46,222 Hey, you know, she's single. 153 00:06:46,224 --> 00:06:47,456 And? 154 00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:49,191 And? 155 00:06:49,193 --> 00:06:51,026 Set me up with her. 156 00:06:51,028 --> 00:06:54,463 Can't I just... get you a new poster? 157 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,833 I'll laminate it. 158 00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,935 Come on, come on. 159 00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:02,338 I-I-I have been in love with Lynda Carter for my whole life, 160 00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,174 and because you know her and I know you, 161 00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:06,875 I actually have a shot. 162 00:07:06,877 --> 00:07:08,310 I mean, this is fate. 163 00:07:08,312 --> 00:07:10,012 This is probably why my brother died. 164 00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:12,481 You said fate killed your brother 165 00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:14,617 so you could get that espresso machine. 166 00:07:14,619 --> 00:07:16,352 Come on! 167 00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:17,953 I'll see what I can do. 168 00:07:17,955 --> 00:07:19,154 Really? 169 00:07:19,156 --> 00:07:20,723 Yeah. Just don't get your hopes up. 170 00:07:20,725 --> 00:07:22,224 Oh, of course not. 171 00:07:22,226 --> 00:07:23,826 Thank you. 172 00:07:25,228 --> 00:07:28,130 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the dance floor, 173 00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:31,033 for the first time as man and wife... 174 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:34,003 Mr. and Mrs. Lynda Carter. 175 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,045 Okay, great. All right, we'll see you soon. 176 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,347 Hey. 177 00:07:46,182 --> 00:07:47,549 Was that her? 178 00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:48,717 Who? 179 00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:51,487 ♪ Wonder Woman! 180 00:07:52,522 --> 00:07:55,724 ♪ For your friend, Alan Harper! ♪ 181 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:56,992 What are you doing? 182 00:07:56,994 --> 00:07:59,028 Oh, it's the Wonder Woman theme song. 183 00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,963 ♪ Wonder Woman! 184 00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:04,533 ♪ You're a wonder, Wonder Woman! ♪ 185 00:08:04,535 --> 00:08:05,901 Not familiar. 186 00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,102 You should be, 'cause it's... 187 00:08:07,104 --> 00:08:09,605 ♪ Kind of awesome! 188 00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:11,807 I was ordering a pizza. 189 00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:14,910 I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet. 190 00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,378 Why not? 191 00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:19,081 ♪ Does your word mean nothin'? ♪ 192 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:22,017 You know what, uh, to be perfectly honest, I... 193 00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:24,653 I don't know if this is a good idea. 194 00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:25,888 What? Why? 195 00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:27,656 What-what's wrong with her? Is she crazy? 196 00:08:27,658 --> 00:08:30,359 I like crazy. You met Lyndsey-- that bitch is cuckoo. 197 00:08:30,361 --> 00:08:34,096 No, there's-there's nothing wrong with her. 198 00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,230 So what's the problem? 199 00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:37,566 She's... Lynda Carter. 200 00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,601 And? 201 00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,804 And you're... 202 00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:44,840 ♪ Alan Harper! 203 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,510 Oh. 204 00:08:48,512 --> 00:08:50,379 Oh, I get it. 205 00:08:50,381 --> 00:08:52,748 You don't think I'm good enough for her. 206 00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:54,583 Oh, no, it's not that. 207 00:08:54,585 --> 00:08:56,018 No, no, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. 208 00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,420 Just out of curiosity, who am I good enough for? 209 00:08:58,422 --> 00:09:00,155 Lots of people. Well, name one. 210 00:09:00,157 --> 00:09:01,857 Okay, how about... how about the-the... 211 00:09:01,859 --> 00:09:03,892 the barista at the coffee place. 212 00:09:03,894 --> 00:09:06,195 The hot blonde, Vanessa? Oh, God, no. No, I'm... 213 00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:07,796 I'm... 214 00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:09,064 I'm talking about the other one. 215 00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:11,333 The only other one is Miguel. 216 00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:14,937 No. No, Tracy. The one with the brown hair. 217 00:09:14,939 --> 00:09:18,073 Coming out of her chin mole. 218 00:09:18,075 --> 00:09:19,575 Okay, then Miguel. 219 00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:22,644 I... I can't believe you think so little of me. 220 00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,580 It's not that. Oh, you know what? You know what? 221 00:09:24,582 --> 00:09:26,682 This is actually good. I finally know where I stand 222 00:09:26,684 --> 00:09:27,716 with my "friend." 223 00:09:27,718 --> 00:09:28,851 Okay, Alan... 224 00:09:28,853 --> 00:09:31,687 And you were gonna be our best man! 225 00:09:34,357 --> 00:09:37,025 Yeah, no, he's not good enough for Miguel. 226 00:09:37,027 --> 00:09:38,527 ♪ Men. 227 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,322 Hey. 228 00:09:49,324 --> 00:09:51,023 Hey. You're up early. 229 00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:53,826 Yup. Crack of dawn. 230 00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:56,629 But, shh, Dawn is still sleeping. 231 00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,332 Good morning. 232 00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:00,399 Good morning. 233 00:10:00,401 --> 00:10:02,435 Uh, hey, Jenny, do you have any idea 234 00:10:02,437 --> 00:10:05,604 how to get tear stains out of pillows? 235 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,873 It's certainly not more tears, because I tried that. 236 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,141 Have you tried spraying 237 00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:11,344 some desperate cry for attention on it? 238 00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:14,847 You want some coffee? 239 00:10:14,849 --> 00:10:17,049 Why, yes, I would. Oh, uh, Walden, 240 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,751 is there some uglier coffee 241 00:10:18,753 --> 00:10:20,553 that might be more appropriate for me? 242 00:10:20,555 --> 00:10:22,688 All right. Alan, you're being ridiculous. 243 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,490 Hey, sticks and stones may break my bones, 244 00:10:24,492 --> 00:10:26,992 but thanks to you, I'll never bone Lynda Carter. 245 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:32,231 Now, if you'll excuse me, I will breakfast alone in my room. 246 00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:34,700 What's wrong with Auntie Alan? 247 00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:37,670 She's pouting 'cause I won't set her up with Lynda Carter. 248 00:10:37,672 --> 00:10:40,940 Why not? Because, it's Lynda Carter. 249 00:10:40,942 --> 00:10:42,775 Right. 250 00:10:42,777 --> 00:10:44,910 And who's Lynda Carter? 251 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,179 Lynda Carter is an actress. 252 00:10:47,181 --> 00:10:49,949 Oh. And she makes you say her whole name? 253 00:10:49,951 --> 00:10:51,417 She doesn't make you, 254 00:10:51,419 --> 00:10:54,086 it's just something you do when people reach icon status. 255 00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:56,622 So why won't you set Alan up with her? 256 00:10:56,624 --> 00:10:58,090 She's out of his league. 257 00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,291 What league is she in? 258 00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:02,595 Well, among others, the Justice League. 259 00:11:02,597 --> 00:11:05,197 All right, I have no idea what you're talking about, 260 00:11:05,199 --> 00:11:07,333 so let me just ask you a question. 261 00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:08,948 Is Alan good enough to be your friend? 262 00:11:08,973 --> 00:11:10,737 Of course. 263 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,806 So then why isn't he good enough for her? Okay, that's not fair. 264 00:11:13,808 --> 00:11:16,709 There are a lot of women that Alan is not good enough for. 265 00:11:16,711 --> 00:11:20,279 Don't you think she should decide who she can go out with? 266 00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:22,456 Hmm. That's actually a good point. 267 00:11:22,457 --> 00:11:24,041 Hang on, one second, is this Lynda Carter? 268 00:11:24,066 --> 00:11:25,852 Uh-huh. 269 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:29,054 Yeah, Alan's not good enough for her. 270 00:11:34,028 --> 00:11:35,261 Alan. 271 00:11:35,263 --> 00:11:36,529 Yeah? 272 00:11:36,531 --> 00:11:38,330 Are you decent? 273 00:11:38,332 --> 00:11:41,333 Not by your standards. 274 00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:43,836 Okay, I'm coming in. 275 00:11:43,838 --> 00:11:45,671 What do you want? 276 00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:48,474 If it's self-esteem you're after, there's none here. 277 00:11:48,476 --> 00:11:50,443 I was wrong. 278 00:11:50,445 --> 00:11:54,146 It is not my place to decide who you can or cannot date. 279 00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,147 No, no, it's fine. 280 00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:56,515 Uh, actually, I'm making a list 281 00:11:56,517 --> 00:11:58,017 of the people you shouldn't date. 282 00:11:58,019 --> 00:12:01,454 Uh, Number one: Anyone with a heart. 283 00:12:01,456 --> 00:12:03,422 Okay, you know, I deserve that. 284 00:12:03,424 --> 00:12:05,858 And number two, Taylor Swift, because she will 285 00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:09,628 write a song about you called "Back-Stabbing Dream Killer." 286 00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:11,430 Okay, well, if you will let me, 287 00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,999 I would like to make it up to you. 288 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:18,771 I invited my mother and Lynda over for dinner tomorrow night. 289 00:12:18,773 --> 00:12:21,841 So, you are free to ask her out yourself. 290 00:12:21,843 --> 00:12:24,176 If you're joking, I swear to God 291 00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:27,079 I will pack my things and you will never see me again. 292 00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:28,581 I was joking. So was I. 293 00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:31,417 You're not just doing this out of pity, are you? 294 00:12:31,419 --> 00:12:33,352 Don't answer, I don't care. 295 00:12:33,354 --> 00:12:34,353 You're a good friend. 296 00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:36,222 So are you. 297 00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:38,491 And, again, I'm sorry. 298 00:12:38,493 --> 00:12:40,092 Thank you. 299 00:12:40,094 --> 00:12:43,662 Okay. Oh, and, and, a little tip: 300 00:12:43,664 --> 00:12:47,333 when Lynda's here, just try not to act like a crazy fan. 301 00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:48,398 I got it. 302 00:12:48,423 --> 00:12:50,624 No, no, seriously, like, if, if you want a shot with her 303 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,005 you need to treat her like she's a normal person. 304 00:12:53,007 --> 00:12:55,641 And, and you should pretend to be one, yourself. 305 00:12:55,643 --> 00:12:57,409 It's not a problem. 306 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,183 Until tomorrow. 307 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,954 All right, I'm out of here. 308 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,590 Dinner's in the oven and the wine's chilling. 309 00:13:11,592 --> 00:13:12,558 Oh, thank you. 310 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,460 No, I was talking about at my house. 311 00:13:14,462 --> 00:13:17,663 Oh, oh, uh, uh, before you go, um, 312 00:13:17,665 --> 00:13:20,065 uh, uh, which is my good side? What? 313 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,034 I'm trying to figure out where to sit at dinner. 314 00:13:22,036 --> 00:13:24,036 I-I want my good side facing Lynda. 315 00:13:24,038 --> 00:13:25,571 All right. 316 00:13:25,573 --> 00:13:27,172 Turn to your left. 317 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,274 Okay. 318 00:13:28,276 --> 00:13:29,508 Now turn to your right. 319 00:13:29,510 --> 00:13:31,310 Okay. 320 00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,646 Turn around. 321 00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:37,449 Perfect. 322 00:13:37,451 --> 00:13:39,652 Who hurt you, Berta? 323 00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:42,721 Oh, uh... 324 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,227 Ooh, uh, just in case. 325 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,332 Oh, God, it burns! 326 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,470 What did I say about acting like a normal person? 327 00:13:58,472 --> 00:14:02,541 That was before I got mint spray in Little Alan's eye. 328 00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:04,677 I'm not even gonna ask. 329 00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:08,714 Oh, hey, you two look beautiful. 330 00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:11,050 Oh, it's great to see you again, Walden. 331 00:14:11,052 --> 00:14:12,751 And don't forget about me. 332 00:14:12,753 --> 00:14:16,121 Oh, don't worry, I haven't. 333 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:19,692 Okay, you can let go now. 334 00:14:19,694 --> 00:14:21,694 Well, I'm glad you two could make it. 335 00:14:21,696 --> 00:14:24,597 Wow, this is quite the place. 336 00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:26,799 Thank you. 337 00:14:26,801 --> 00:14:28,567 Single guy living at the beach, 338 00:14:28,569 --> 00:14:30,603 you must do well with the ladies. 339 00:14:30,605 --> 00:14:34,974 I do okay, but this guy is the real charmer. 340 00:14:34,976 --> 00:14:39,945 Blink twice if you're being held against your will. 341 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,280 Well, it's, it's true, in my youth 342 00:14:41,282 --> 00:14:43,482 I was a bit of a, a rapscallion. 343 00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:46,051 A rake. 344 00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,087 A... gadabout. 345 00:14:48,089 --> 00:14:50,556 A... g-gadabout? 346 00:14:50,558 --> 00:14:52,391 What have you. 347 00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:55,227 Yeah, but that was in your past, right? 348 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:58,364 And now you're just a normal, regular guy? 349 00:14:58,366 --> 00:14:59,465 Yeah, that's right, that's right. 350 00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:02,568 I'm just a, a normal, regular guy 351 00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:06,138 looking for a crazy little thing called love. 352 00:15:06,140 --> 00:15:09,775 ♪ Crazy little thing called love... ♪ 353 00:15:09,777 --> 00:15:12,845 What's that I hear? 354 00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:17,149 Is that the lovely voice of triple-threat Lynda Carter? 355 00:15:17,151 --> 00:15:20,452 Actress, singer, dancer? 356 00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:23,455 Wait a second, do I smell mint? 357 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:30,129 Yes, and it's not coming from my mouth. 358 00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,169 Oh ,uh, uh, would you mind signing it 359 00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:40,305 "From a Wonder Woman to a Super Man"? 360 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,377 How about "best wishes"? That works. 361 00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:46,945 Hey, you know, I'll, I'll bet you could 362 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,347 make a lot of money traveling around 363 00:15:48,349 --> 00:15:49,882 and signing at conventions and stuff. 364 00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:51,850 I'm not a big fan of travel. 365 00:15:51,852 --> 00:15:54,219 Yeah, not to mention the weirdos you'd meet. 366 00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,455 Ugh. You don't have to tell me, 367 00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:58,490 I mean, I-I've talked to a lot of them 368 00:15:58,492 --> 00:16:02,261 on the Wonder Woman message boards. Freaks! 369 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,130 Alan? Hmm? 370 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,965 I'm pretty sure Lynda didn't come here just to sign things. 371 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,034 Oh, of course, of course. Sorry, I just, you know, 372 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,403 I, I geeked out a bit. 373 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:13,305 Oh, that's okay. You can't imagine how often 374 00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:16,108 I get roped into these kinds of conversations. 375 00:16:16,110 --> 00:16:17,976 Roped? Or... 376 00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,645 ...lassoed? 377 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,116 Oh, God. He's gonna tie her up and throw her in a van. 378 00:16:24,118 --> 00:16:27,653 No, no. This is an original Wonder Woman Lasso of Truth. 379 00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:29,922 I-I got it at Comic Con '88. 380 00:16:29,924 --> 00:16:32,391 Yeah, back when only the really cool people went. 381 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,629 Whoever is wearing the lasso must tell the truth. 382 00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:39,732 Is this the best night of my life? 383 00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:41,333 It is. 384 00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,170 Are you completely oblivious to social cues? 385 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,839 You are. 386 00:16:46,841 --> 00:16:49,374 Oh, oh, would you mind posing with it 387 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,943 so I can snap a quick picture? 388 00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,946 Enough. Mm-hmm? 389 00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:57,616 No. It, it's okay. Let's just take the picture. 390 00:16:57,618 --> 00:17:00,385 Oh great, great. Oh, crud. The memory's full. 391 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,121 Uh, uh, let me just delete a few. 392 00:17:02,123 --> 00:17:05,424 Good-bye, Jake. Good-bye, Jake. 393 00:17:05,426 --> 00:17:07,793 Oh, kitty, hang in there. 394 00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:09,194 Good-bye, Jake. 395 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,597 Okay, would you like to... Yes! 396 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,835 Hurry back. 397 00:17:16,837 --> 00:17:17,936 It's going well, isn't it? 398 00:17:17,938 --> 00:17:20,038 I have chimps smarter than you. 399 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,243 I'm really sorry about tonight. 400 00:17:24,245 --> 00:17:26,078 Oh, it's okay. He's harmless. 401 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,380 He is harmless, right? 402 00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:31,650 Yeah, he's harmless, clueless, homeless. 403 00:17:31,652 --> 00:17:32,985 He's pretty much "less." 404 00:17:32,987 --> 00:17:35,921 Still, I'm glad I came over. 405 00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:37,389 It's really good to see you again. 406 00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:39,792 Yeah, it's good to see you, too. And you look amazing. 407 00:17:39,794 --> 00:17:42,561 Or, should I say, "wonder-ful." 408 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,898 See? When you do it, it's cute. 409 00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:47,733 Oh, uh, Jenny, 410 00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:48,801 this is Lynda Car... 411 00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:52,070 Lynda freakin' Carter. 412 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:53,605 Nice to meet you. 413 00:17:53,607 --> 00:17:55,340 Jenny is Alan's niece. 414 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,843 Ah, well, I won't hold that against you. 415 00:17:57,845 --> 00:18:00,813 Beautiful and funny. 416 00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:02,080 Aren't you sweet. 417 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,716 Oh, I can be way sweeter. 418 00:18:04,718 --> 00:18:06,485 Or less, if that's what you're into. 419 00:18:06,487 --> 00:18:08,086 Hmm. 420 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,621 You still like wearing cuffs? 421 00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:14,326 Okay. All right, uh, Jenny, isn't your bedroom that way? 422 00:18:14,328 --> 00:18:17,095 What he said. 423 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:22,601 See? I told you the gays really like me. 424 00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,971 I'm sorry. I, I, I actually, I do have to ask: 425 00:18:25,973 --> 00:18:28,340 does Alan have a shot with you? 426 00:18:28,342 --> 00:18:29,975 That Alan? 427 00:18:29,977 --> 00:18:32,945 You do know I'm Lynda freakin' Carter, right? 428 00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:36,515 Okay. Asked and answered. 429 00:18:36,517 --> 00:18:39,685 It seems that everyone in this house wants to be with me 430 00:18:39,687 --> 00:18:41,687 except the one that I want. Yeah. 431 00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:43,956 Wait, what? 432 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:47,125 Okay, I made room for... 433 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,194 Betrayal! 434 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,182 Dude, seriously? 435 00:19:10,184 --> 00:19:12,351 No wonder you brought her out here. Oh! 436 00:19:12,353 --> 00:19:16,121 God, I'm so angry I forgot to emphasize the word "wonder." 437 00:19:16,123 --> 00:19:18,257 Alan, it's not what you think. Oh, really? 438 00:19:18,259 --> 00:19:19,758 'Cause I'm thinking you're kissing Lynda Carter. 439 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,661 What is going on? Oh, I'll tell you what's going on. 440 00:19:22,663 --> 00:19:25,197 Your son, my ex-friend, still roommate, 441 00:19:25,199 --> 00:19:26,698 just double-crossed me. 442 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,501 Alan, you're embarrassing yourself. Oh, am I? 443 00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,036 Okay, I'm not gonna do this. 444 00:19:31,038 --> 00:19:32,170 Oh, aren't you? 445 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,605 Okay, that's it. 446 00:19:34,942 --> 00:19:36,708 Oh, this is about to really suck. 447 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,822 Morning. 448 00:19:49,824 --> 00:19:51,090 Morning. 449 00:19:51,092 --> 00:19:55,394 Listen, uh, about last night... 450 00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:58,530 Let's just drop it. 451 00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,566 Fair enough. 452 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,409 Again, I-I am very sorry. 453 00:20:10,411 --> 00:20:12,778 I got it. Mo-Moving on. 454 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:20,586 I know you would never intentionally try to hurt me. 455 00:20:20,588 --> 00:20:22,554 We're past it. 456 00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:26,892 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man