00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:07,366
(SIGHING)
2
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,136
(VACUUM STARTING)
Ripped By mstoll
3
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,443
Really?
4
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,048
Do you have to do this right now?
5
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:21,084
Wow, that's the first time
anyone ever complained
6
00:00:21,287 --> 00:00:23,187
about me doing too much
work around here.
7
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,250
Why don't you go do that on the deck?
8
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:30,224
Because this is my house.
I can work out wherever I want.
9
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:34,264
Besides, when I do yoga on the deck,
the kids on the beach call me gay.
10
00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:37,095
You sure that's not because you live
with a middle-aged man?
11
00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:43,302
- Morning.
- Morning.
12
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:44,636
Ooh, a little yoga?
13
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:47,404
Yeah, I'm just trying
to clear my head.
14
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:51,973
Um, speaking of heads,
15
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,653
Buddha's poking his
out of the temple.
16
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:56,617
If I lived here alone,
it wouldn't matter.
17
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:59,314
Right. Sorry.
Namaste.
18
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,221
- What does namaste actually mean?
- Get out!
19
00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:08,128
Okay.
I'm gonna nama-not-stay right here.
20
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,598
Okay, focus.
21
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,795
I want peace.
22
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,031
I want serenity.
23
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,300
(BLENDER STARTING)
I want a murder weapon.
24
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,114
Dude.
25
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:26,683
You need to relax.
Do some yoga or something.
26
00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:28,353
What is that?
27
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,284
It's a holistic hangover cure.
28
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:34,017
Kale, wheatgrass,
three shots of tequila, cheers.
29
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You know what, screw it.
I'm gonna stay drunk.
30
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,359
(BURPING)
31
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:46,004
Yikes, I think I ate
a little too much ginger last night.
32
00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:48,265
Oh, you had sushi for dinner?
33
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,607
Yeah, let's go with that.
34
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,472
It's crazy, isn't it?
35
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,705
We finally get rid of Jake, and now
we got another one on our hands.
36
00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:59,373
Yeah, about that.
What is the long-range plan here?
37
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,610
I don't know.
38
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,789
I always thought we'd spend
our golden years together.
39
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,617
Eventually,
maybe sell the beach house,
40
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:06,792
move to the desert,
41
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:10,121
spend our days toiling
in our cactus garden.
42
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,027
Yeah, that sounds swell, but...
43
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,098
Go out to early-bird dinners,
wearing matching jumpsuits.
44
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,667
Okay, I'm not gonna wear ajumps...
45
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,806
All right, you know what?
Let's try this another way.
46
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:24,966
In your romantic
fantasy of our future,
47
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:26,145
where is Jenny?
48
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,679
She'll spend Christmas with us,
but we're gonna want our alone-time.
49
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,982
Okay, let's focus
on that word "alone".
50
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,051
Having house guests is the best.
51
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,984
You know,
you get excited to see them.
52
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:39,590
You put out the fluffy towels,
you hold your farts,
53
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,953
everything's nice.
54
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,687
But eventually,
you have to fart.
55
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,163
Here's what you do.
You go out on the deck
56
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,996
and pretend to look at the ocean,
wait for a big wave,
57
00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,502
and when it breaks,
so do you.
58
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,067
Alan, I'm putting in a home gym.
59
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:02,578
And it's either going in Jenny's room
or Alan's room. It's your call.
60
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,875
Bitch be gone.
61
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:08,019
♪ (THEME SONG PLAYING) ♪
62
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,652
Here we go.
63
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:20,526
An appletini a day
keeps the doctor away.
64
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,724
Cute.
And what keeps Alan away?
65
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,369
You.
66
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,131
Touché.
Why am I here?
67
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,274
Well, I just thought
we could get together,
68
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,466
maybe find out what's going on
in each other's lives.
69
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:34,408
There's never anything going on
in your life, Alan.
70
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:36,047
Okay, you start.
71
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,285
All right, let's see.
72
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,783
Well, my boyfriend, Marty,
has just moved in.
73
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,785
Moved in?
That's a little fast.
74
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:47,289
He's ninety-one-and-a-half.
He doesn't do anything fast.
75
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,790
So, you two sleep in the same room?
76
00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,587
If you're trying to find out
if we have sex,
77
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,595
yes, we do.
Frequently and nastily.
78
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,961
Good God,
the man is in a wheelchair!
79
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,659
How do you think he got there?
80
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,338
No, I was asking
if your guest room is available.
81
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:04,874
Darling, I would love for you
to come stay with me,
82
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,444
but with Marty there now,
it's impossible.
83
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:10,115
- Oh, not me. Jenny.
- Oh, Jennifer can move in.
84
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:13,285
Wait, why can she move in and not me?
85
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,818
Darling, if you were a child,
86
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:17,353
this would be one of those situations
87
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,787
where I would give you
five dollars to shut up.
88
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:21,917
I'm not a kid, anymore, Mom.
89
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,459
How's 20 sound?
90
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,255
No, I wanna have this conversation.
91
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,523
- Forty.
- We're done.
92
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,136
All right.
I'm out of here.
93
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,773
Don't be a stranger, Jenny.
94
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:39,172
I mean,
I know that you are one, but...
95
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,370
That didn't stop me
from letting you stay here.
96
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,917
And that didn't stop me
from throwing up in your...
97
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,312
You know,
you'll figure it out.
98
00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:48,520
Have you got everything?
99
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:52,020
Yeah, I think so.
Oh, there's a girl in my room.
100
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,591
Tara, Tanya.
101
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,729
I don't really know what her name is.
It's tattooed right above her ass.
102
00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:02,224
Anyway, when she wakes up,
will you give her this for cab fare?
103
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:07,498
And tell her that I, Mackenzie,
will call her
104
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:12,371
if I get back from the Congo.
See you.
105
00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:15,376
- Bye.
- Take care.
106
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:16,741
Can you believe that?
107
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:20,316
I know,
a Harper left this house voluntarily.
108
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:24,817
And gave me money!
109
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:27,857
(DOORBELL RINGING)
110
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:34,496
- Hi, Alan.
- Lyndsey. This is a surprise.
111
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,670
I know. I'm sorry.
I just need to talk to you in person.
112
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:40,100
- Oh, yeah, yeah, come on in.
- Are we alone?
113
00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:42,433
WALDEN: Never!
114
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,269
Hi, Walden.
Can we talk in private?
115
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:51,041
Oh, sure, let's go in my room.
Oh, hold on a second.
116
00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,449
(OCEAN WAVE BREAKS)
117
00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,588
Okay, we're all set.
118
00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,824
Dude, come on!
119
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,533
So, what's up?
120
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:15,367
Ow! Nipple!
121
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,304
I am so mad at you!
122
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,740
- Why?
- Because I'm with Larry now.
123
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:23,541
- He's smart, handsome, successful.
- God, you have a type.
124
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:27,880
No. When I'm with him,
I can't stop fantasizing about you.
125
00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:31,387
Okay, I'm confused.
126
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:34,617
I'm getting a chubby,
but I'm confused.
127
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:35,794
So you want to get back together?
128
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:39,158
Oh, God, no.
I just want to have sex with you.
129
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,994
Why?
And why am I asking?
130
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:46,103
I don't know!
I just know that I do.
131
00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:50,298
Of course.
Forbidden fruit is so much sweeter.
132
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:54,002
Go on, pluck my forbidden fruit.
133
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,579
Pop my cherry.
134
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,944
Peel my banana.
135
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,916
Squeeze my fuzzy peaches.
136
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,121
- In my fantasy...
- Yeah?
137
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:06,291
...you don't talk.
138
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,825
- Bye, Walden.
- Bye, Lyndsey.
139
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,892
ALAN: Whoo!
140
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,669
Um, is it hot in here,
or did I just have sex?
141
00:07:21,874 --> 00:07:23,865
Did you guys get back together?
142
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:28,911
Better. She wants nothing from me
except the old Harper harpoon.
143
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,707
(MAKES WHIP NOISE)
144
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:35,110
Know what I'm saying?
145
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,519
How is it possible
that you're having sex and I'm not?
146
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:42,717
Well, apparently,
her perfect boyfriend, Larry,
147
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,157
has an Achilles heel.
148
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,921
And it's on his penis.
149
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,690
(WHIP NOISE)
150
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:54,673
Um, have you guys seen Mackenzie?
151
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,501
- She went to Cabo.
- Congo.
152
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,371
- She's not here.
- She's dead.
153
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,804
In the Congo.
154
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,849
- Sorry, Tanya.
- Tara.
155
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:09,081
Alyssa.
156
00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:15,394
So, Evy tells me
you wanna be an actress.
157
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:19,031
I figured with my daddy issues,
it was either that or stripping.
158
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,359
You certainly got the rack
for either one.
159
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,034
Bless your heart.
160
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,101
My heart is in a landfill.
161
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:30,401
This baby belonged to a drunken
quarterback from Alabama.
162
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,168
Roll Tide!
163
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,243
You know,
Marty is a television legend.
164
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,880
He created Here Comes Pleshkin.
165
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,346
I love that show!
166
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:40,644
That was a drinking game in college!
167
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:45,051
Every time someone would yell,
"Pleshkin!", I would take a shot!
168
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,056
I had so much drunken sex
because of your show.
169
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,922
It was a piece of crap.
170
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:52,893
But it paid for my first six...
seven wives.
171
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,000
And Pleshkin?
Hermaphrodite.
172
00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:02,607
Once, he comes in three hours late.
I tell him to go screw himself!
173
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:05,038
He said, "Why do you think
I'm three hours late?"
174
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:09,143
That's ajoke, sweetheart.
Feel free to laugh.
175
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,084
Is this thing on?
Roll Tide!
176
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,482
Pleshkin!
177
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,493
- I need another one. Marty?
- Why not?
178
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,925
I got my liver from a narcoleptic
Vietnamese rickshaw driver.
179
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,426
Evy, that's the best gift
you've ever given me.
180
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,035
- What do you mean?
- You, me, Jenny,
181
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,365
a handful of little blue pills.
182
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,475
It's like the Spring Break of '43
all over again!
183
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:40,305
Marty, she's my granddaughter.
184
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,741
I know.
185
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:47,614
I have had some of the most decadent
sexual encounters imaginable.
186
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:52,382
Mother/daughter, twins,
triplets, Pleshkin.
187
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:57,791
But never the elusive
grandmother/granddaughter combo.
188
00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,589
She's gay.
189
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:02,097
Just keeps getting better.
190
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:05,737
Sweetheart, while I normally love
your unique brand of depravity,
191
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,200
this is where I draw the line.
192
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:10,204
So when it's me and the plumber,
it's fine.
193
00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:12,206
You wanted that as much as I did.
194
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:14,777
I had my eye on his kidney.
195
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,581
This is so exciting.
196
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,344
Another man's bed,
another man's woman.
197
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,953
- Another man's...
- Home!
198
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:24,622
I know, it's so dirty.
199
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,883
No, no, no,
the garage doorjust opened!
200
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,323
And here comes the car.
Beep, beep!
201
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,291
No, Larry's home.
Get out!
202
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:35,729
What do I do?
Hide in the closet? Under the bed?
203
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:39,496
I could put on a wig and a dress
and pretend I'm one of your friends.
204
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,696
- Out the window!
- Right, good call.
205
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:45,308
Whoa, we are up there.
Oh, beautiful view.
206
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:46,944
Hey, is that the Hollywood sign?
207
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,670
(SCREAMING, THUDDING)
208
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,814
- What happened to you?
- Oh, these?
209
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,619
I was with Lyndsey last night
at her boyfriend's house,
210
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,694
and he came home early
and I had to jump out the window.
211
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:08,230
"Alan Harper: Love Burglar."
212
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:12,700
I like it better than
"Alan Harper: Roommate."
213
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:15,135
It's just so much fun
to be thought of as a piece of meat.
214
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,536
She doesn't care
about what I think or what I say.
215
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,337
I know how she feels.
216
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:21,808
Let me ask you something.
217
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,744
How would you like it if you were
the poor schmuck being cheated on?
218
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:26,508
I've always been the poor schmuck.
219
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:29,586
- And how did it feel?
- Horrible.
220
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,723
Ha-ha, suck it, Larry!
221
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,220
I know you're having fun, Alan.
222
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,259
But sooner or later,
somebody's gonna get hurt.
223
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,454
Believe me.
Someone got hurt last night.
224
00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:43,294
Boom, boom, boom.
Know what I'm saying?
225
00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:46,562
Okay, from now on, let's just assume
that I know what you're saying
226
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:48,296
and I don't like it.
227
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,604
All right, you are hair-free.
228
00:11:55,815 --> 00:12:00,377
- You missed a spot.
- You are a dirty old man.
229
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:05,080
If I'm such a dirty old man,
maybe it's time for my sponge bath.
230
00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:09,816
Paging Nurse Evelyn!
Report to Marty's crotch
231
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:10,996
with a loofah!
232
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:15,993
- Ready to go?
- I'll be right with you, dear.
233
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,294
Where are you going?
234
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,937
What about "Rub-a-dub-dub,
Marty's in the tub?"
235
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,266
I'll be right back.
We're just going to the spa.
236
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:23,806
Yeah, Marty, you'll be happy.
237
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:26,603
When she comes back,
she'll have less hair than your ears.
238
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:29,440
- But this is date night.
- I'll be back by 8:00.
239
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,344
That's after Wheel.
I'll be asleep!
240
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,247
I'll make it up to you
in the morning.
241
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:41,453
I'm ninety-one-and-a-half!
I can't plan that far ahead!
242
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:46,028
- That was amazing.
- It was.
243
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:47,358
You seen my underwear?
244
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:51,002
Do you mean these?
245
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:56,038
- You know what? Keep them.
- Oh, thank you.
246
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,104
- Where you going?
- What do you mean? Home. We're done.
247
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,303
So it's just, "Wham, bam, thank you,
248
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,813
incredibly powerful,
yet sensitive lover man?"
249
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,816
Don't get my panties in a bunch.
250
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,954
I'm serious.
We never talk.
251
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:13,387
Because we're not dating!
I thought you were okay with this?
252
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,993
I am. That doesn't mean we can't take
an interest in each others' lives.
253
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:19,858
I mean, for example,
did you know Charlie had a daughter?
254
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,295
- Really? That's great!
- Yeah.
255
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:23,559
You can talk to her.
256
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,731
Fine. Whatever.
(SCOFFING)
257
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,500
For the love of God.
What do you want from me?
258
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,472
Well, if you must know,
259
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,009
she's coming over for dinner
tomorrow night.
260
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,340
And I just thought
that maybe you'd like to join us.
261
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,484
- Dinner? Seriously?
- Forget I mentioned it.
262
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,880
Okay, look, I'll see what I can do.
263
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:43,679
- Really?
- I'll try.
264
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:47,017
Oh, thank you!
You've made me so happy.
265
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:48,420
Great, see you.
266
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:53,959
I should've just bought
a damn vibrator.
267
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:59,867
Here you go, Marty.
Just the way you like it.
268
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:02,336
Scotch and Metamucil.
269
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:08,275
Why aren't we eating?
It's almost 6:00.
270
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,538
Where are we, France?
271
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:12,842
We're waiting for Alan's girlfriend.
272
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:15,247
I thought he was Alan's girlfriend.
273
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,260
No, I own the house.
274
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,861
It's actually a funny story.
I was on the beach and I went to...
275
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,225
Don't care.
276
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,962
Marty, don't be rude.
277
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:32,603
Sorry, low blood sugar.
278
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,067
Plus, I really don't care.
279
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,309
Unbelievable, Lyndsey's not
answering any of my calls.
280
00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:42,446
- She hasn't returned any of my texts.
- Told you you were gonna get hurt.
281
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,741
(MIMICKING WALDEN) "I told you
you were gonna get hurt."
282
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:47,714
You know what?
I'm gonna go get her.
283
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,410
And don't try to stop me!
284
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,453
- Okay.
- No problem.
285
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:53,918
(DOOR CLOSING)
286
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,651
Now that buzzkill is gone,
287
00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:59,456
anyone wanna get high?
288
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,656
Roll joint!
289
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,335
You think Alan's gonna mind
that we started without him?
290
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,303
Who's Alan?
291
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:16,314
You know, I think I banged
Lucille Ball in this house.
292
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:21,776
- She was my second favorite redhead.
- Thank you.
293
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:26,723
Wait a second.
It's night.
294
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,359
Why am I still here?
295
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,122
See you tomorrow.
296
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,958
- Are you okay to drive?
- I'm fine.
297
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,794
All right, let me know
when you get home.
298
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:38,833
I'm home!
299
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:41,763
Your father
would've loved this night.
300
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,704
We're all drunk, we're all high
and Alan's not here.
301
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,673
Wait, who's Alan?
302
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,074
You know what we should do tomorrow?
Go to the Malibu Police Station.
303
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,150
They took more pictures of your dad
than I did.
304
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,320
Again?
305
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,285
I thought we wanted to stay home
and play naked Jeopardy.
306
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,481
I want to spend time
with my daughter.
307
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,719
- Granddaughter.
- Oh, please, nobody's buying that.
308
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,426
I am going into
the living room, Evelyn.
309
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,158
I suggest you push me there.
310
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:13,736
- We need to talk.
- Back in a minute.
311
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,874
There's a 50-50 chance
he won't remember what he wants.
312
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:21,240
If you're going to talk about me,
you shouldn't shave my ears first.
313
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,910
He's great.
314
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:28,052
Wonder what it's like to be 91.
315
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:31,120
I imagine that you're wet
in the places you used to be dry,
316
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,416
and dry in the places
you used to be wet.
317
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:36,895
What's wrong?
318
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:40,588
Your granddaughter
is coming between us.
319
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,528
And not in a good way.
320
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:46,603
Look, Marty,
she just came into my life.
321
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:49,433
And believe it or not, I wasn't
always the best mom to Charlie
322
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,905
or the other one.
323
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:54,204
Jennifer is my second chance.
324
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:58,406
You've got to make a choice.
It's me or the kid.
325
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:02,178
I love you, Marty.
But I have to pick my granddaughter.
326
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:06,449
You know I have 400 million dollars.
327
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:09,559
I'm not saying it isn't close.
328
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,694
It's over!
329
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,260
Okay, I'm bluffing!
330
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:18,797
I really miss you.
331
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:21,529
I miss you, too, money...
Honey.
332
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:25,808
Maybe I can make it up to you.
333
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:30,448
If you can make it down to me,
you can make it up to me.
334
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:37,483
Something tells me
that Marty doesn't want me around.
335
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:40,817
What? I can't imagine anyone
not wanting you around.
336
00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:44,655
Really? Because I'm pretty sure
I'm staying at my grandmother's
337
00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:46,626
because you don't want me around.
338
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,460
No!
339
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:52,728
Maybe yes.
340
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:58,003
I get it.
You already have Alan.
341
00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,768
I do.
342
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,572
Hey, do you think
I'd look good in ajumpsuit?
343
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:04,681
You'd look good in anything.
344
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:08,785
That's because I'm good-Iooking.
I pretend like I don't know.
345
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,354
Seriously, if you want privacy,
then why do you have a roommate?
346
00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:16,858
No, Alan's way more than a roommate.
347
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,859
He's my best friend.
348
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:22,795
Yeah, he was there for me
when I was all alone.
349
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:26,164
Hey, he even took me
into my own house.
350
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:30,967
You know, him and his stoner son,
and his horny mom,
351
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,736
and your dead dad.
352
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,846
I mean,
they've really become my family.
353
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,016
Mine, too.
354
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:42,347
I guess that means
you're becoming part of my family.
355
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,786
Aw!
356
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:49,385
I'm the most masculine person
in this house.
357
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:55,260
- I like you, Jenny.
- I like you, Walden.
358
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,630
If you were a chick,
I would totally do you.
359
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,533
Aw!
You, too!
360
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:07,341
Hey, you're welcome to crash here
any time you need a break
361
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,514
from Evelyn and...
362
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:13,074
...ninety-one-and-a-half
shades of grey.
363
00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:16,311
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
364
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:19,889
You know, I was thinking
about putting in a home gym, but...
365
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,686
Big deal.
I'd rather have a Jenny than a gym.
366
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,192
You and me both.
367
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,896
(LAUGHING)
I get it.
368
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:33,538
Because Jim and gym are homonyms
and you're a homosexual.
369
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:39,574
It's aawully quiet in there.
Did they leave?
370
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:42,372
I don't know.
Let me go look.
371
00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:47,943
I shouldn't have looked.
372
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,222
(DOORBELL RINGING)
373
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:56,587
No matter what she says, do not cry.
You're the prize here.
374
00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:00,221
Alan, what are you doing here?
375
00:20:00,432 --> 00:20:02,457
What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be at my house.
376
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:05,637
- I said I would try.
- And I said I wouldn't cry.
377
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:08,101
And I guess we're both liars now.
378
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,775
Would you keep it down?
Larry's here.
379
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:13,274
What? You don't want him
to hear your whore?
380
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:18,011
Because that's all I am to you.
Your whore!
381
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:22,916
- We agreed this was just about sex.
- Forgive me for falling in love.
382
00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:25,419
Alan, if you don't leave right now,
383
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,115
you're never gonna see this again.
384
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,392
Call at your convenience.
385
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:36,957
(DOORBELL RINGING)
386
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,433
I'll get that. It's probably Lyndsey
looking for a little morning wood
387
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,665
to start her fire.
Know what I'm saying?
388
00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:45,467
I know what you're saying.
389
00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:48,441
I just don't know
why you're saying it.
390
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,980
- Hello?
- Mackenzie, you lying bitch!
391
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:57,246
Congo, my ass! Don't run.
You don't wanna run!
392
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,592
Yeah, it feels like home again.
Ripped By mstoll
393
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:29,987
(English US - SDH)