00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:07,366 (SIGHING) 2 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,136 (VACUUM STARTING) Ripped By mstoll 3 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,443 Really? 4 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,048 Do you have to do this right now? 5 00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:21,084 Wow, that's the first time anyone ever complained 6 00:00:21,287 --> 00:00:23,187 about me doing too much work around here. 7 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,250 Why don't you go do that on the deck? 8 00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:30,224 Because this is my house. I can work out wherever I want. 9 00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:34,264 Besides, when I do yoga on the deck, the kids on the beach call me gay. 10 00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:37,095 You sure that's not because you live with a middle-aged man? 11 00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:43,302 - Morning. - Morning. 12 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:44,636 Ooh, a little yoga? 13 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:47,404 Yeah, I'm just trying to clear my head. 14 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:51,973 Um, speaking of heads, 15 00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,653 Buddha's poking his out of the temple. 16 00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:56,617 If I lived here alone, it wouldn't matter. 17 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:59,314 Right. Sorry. Namaste. 18 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,221 - What does namaste actually mean? - Get out! 19 00:01:04,431 --> 00:01:08,128 Okay. I'm gonna nama-not-stay right here. 20 00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:10,598 Okay, focus. 21 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,795 I want peace. 22 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,031 I want serenity. 23 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,300 (BLENDER STARTING) I want a murder weapon. 24 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,114 Dude. 25 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:26,683 You need to relax. Do some yoga or something. 26 00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:28,353 What is that? 27 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,284 It's a holistic hangover cure. 28 00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:34,017 Kale, wheatgrass, three shots of tequila, cheers. 29 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,859 You know what, screw it. I'm gonna stay drunk. 30 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,359 (BURPING) 31 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:46,004 Yikes, I think I ate a little too much ginger last night. 32 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:48,265 Oh, you had sushi for dinner? 33 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,607 Yeah, let's go with that. 34 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,472 It's crazy, isn't it? 35 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,705 We finally get rid of Jake, and now we got another one on our hands. 36 00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:59,373 Yeah, about that. What is the long-range plan here? 37 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,610 I don't know. 38 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,789 I always thought we'd spend our golden years together. 39 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,617 Eventually, maybe sell the beach house, 40 00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:06,792 move to the desert, 41 00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:10,121 spend our days toiling in our cactus garden. 42 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,027 Yeah, that sounds swell, but... 43 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,098 Go out to early-bird dinners, wearing matching jumpsuits. 44 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,667 Okay, I'm not gonna wear ajumps... 45 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,806 All right, you know what? Let's try this another way. 46 00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:24,966 In your romantic fantasy of our future, 47 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:26,145 where is Jenny? 48 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:29,679 She'll spend Christmas with us, but we're gonna want our alone-time. 49 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,982 Okay, let's focus on that word "alone". 50 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,051 Having house guests is the best. 51 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,984 You know, you get excited to see them. 52 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:39,590 You put out the fluffy towels, you hold your farts, 53 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,953 everything's nice. 54 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,687 But eventually, you have to fart. 55 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,163 Here's what you do. You go out on the deck 56 00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,996 and pretend to look at the ocean, wait for a big wave, 57 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,502 and when it breaks, so do you. 58 00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,067 Alan, I'm putting in a home gym. 59 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:02,578 And it's either going in Jenny's room or Alan's room. It's your call. 60 00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,875 Bitch be gone. 61 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:08,019 ♪ (THEME SONG PLAYING) ♪ 62 00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,652 Here we go. 63 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:20,526 An appletini a day keeps the doctor away. 64 00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,724 Cute. And what keeps Alan away? 65 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,369 You. 66 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,131 Touché. Why am I here? 67 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,274 Well, I just thought we could get together, 68 00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,466 maybe find out what's going on in each other's lives. 69 00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:34,408 There's never anything going on in your life, Alan. 70 00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:36,047 Okay, you start. 71 00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,285 All right, let's see. 72 00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,783 Well, my boyfriend, Marty, has just moved in. 73 00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,785 Moved in? That's a little fast. 74 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:47,289 He's ninety-one-and-a-half. He doesn't do anything fast. 75 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,790 So, you two sleep in the same room? 76 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,587 If you're trying to find out if we have sex, 77 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,595 yes, we do. Frequently and nastily. 78 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,961 Good God, the man is in a wheelchair! 79 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,659 How do you think he got there? 80 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,338 No, I was asking if your guest room is available. 81 00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:04,874 Darling, I would love for you to come stay with me, 82 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,444 but with Marty there now, it's impossible. 83 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:10,115 - Oh, not me. Jenny. - Oh, Jennifer can move in. 84 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:13,285 Wait, why can she move in and not me? 85 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:15,818 Darling, if you were a child, 86 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:17,353 this would be one of those situations 87 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,787 where I would give you five dollars to shut up. 88 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:21,917 I'm not a kid, anymore, Mom. 89 00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,459 How's 20 sound? 90 00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,255 No, I wanna have this conversation. 91 00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,523 - Forty. - We're done. 92 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,136 All right. I'm out of here. 93 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,773 Don't be a stranger, Jenny. 94 00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:39,172 I mean, I know that you are one, but... 95 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,370 That didn't stop me from letting you stay here. 96 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,917 And that didn't stop me from throwing up in your... 97 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,312 You know, you'll figure it out. 98 00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:48,520 Have you got everything? 99 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:52,020 Yeah, I think so. Oh, there's a girl in my room. 100 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,591 Tara, Tanya. 101 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,729 I don't really know what her name is. It's tattooed right above her ass. 102 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:02,224 Anyway, when she wakes up, will you give her this for cab fare? 103 00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:07,498 And tell her that I, Mackenzie, will call her 104 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:12,371 if I get back from the Congo. See you. 105 00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:15,376 - Bye. - Take care. 106 00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:16,741 Can you believe that? 107 00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:20,316 I know, a Harper left this house voluntarily. 108 00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:24,817 And gave me money! 109 00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:27,857 (DOORBELL RINGING) 110 00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:34,496 - Hi, Alan. - Lyndsey. This is a surprise. 111 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,670 I know. I'm sorry. I just need to talk to you in person. 112 00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:40,100 - Oh, yeah, yeah, come on in. - Are we alone? 113 00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:42,433 WALDEN: Never! 114 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,269 Hi, Walden. Can we talk in private? 115 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:51,041 Oh, sure, let's go in my room. Oh, hold on a second. 116 00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,449 (OCEAN WAVE BREAKS) 117 00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:06,588 Okay, we're all set. 118 00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,824 Dude, come on! 119 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,533 So, what's up? 120 00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:15,367 Ow! Nipple! 121 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,304 I am so mad at you! 122 00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,740 - Why? - Because I'm with Larry now. 123 00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:23,541 - He's smart, handsome, successful. - God, you have a type. 124 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:27,880 No. When I'm with him, I can't stop fantasizing about you. 125 00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:31,387 Okay, I'm confused. 126 00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:34,617 I'm getting a chubby, but I'm confused. 127 00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:35,794 So you want to get back together? 128 00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:39,158 Oh, God, no. I just want to have sex with you. 129 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,994 Why? And why am I asking? 130 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:46,103 I don't know! I just know that I do. 131 00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:50,298 Of course. Forbidden fruit is so much sweeter. 132 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:54,002 Go on, pluck my forbidden fruit. 133 00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,579 Pop my cherry. 134 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,944 Peel my banana. 135 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,916 Squeeze my fuzzy peaches. 136 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,121 - In my fantasy... - Yeah? 137 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:06,291 ...you don't talk. 138 00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,825 - Bye, Walden. - Bye, Lyndsey. 139 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,892 ALAN: Whoo! 140 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,669 Um, is it hot in here, or did I just have sex? 141 00:07:21,874 --> 00:07:23,865 Did you guys get back together? 142 00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:28,911 Better. She wants nothing from me except the old Harper harpoon. 143 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,707 (MAKES WHIP NOISE) 144 00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:35,110 Know what I'm saying? 145 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,519 How is it possible that you're having sex and I'm not? 146 00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:42,717 Well, apparently, her perfect boyfriend, Larry, 147 00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,157 has an Achilles heel. 148 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,921 And it's on his penis. 149 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,690 (WHIP NOISE) 150 00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:54,673 Um, have you guys seen Mackenzie? 151 00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,501 - She went to Cabo. - Congo. 152 00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,371 - She's not here. - She's dead. 153 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,804 In the Congo. 154 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,849 - Sorry, Tanya. - Tara. 155 00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:09,081 Alyssa. 156 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:15,394 So, Evy tells me you wanna be an actress. 157 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:19,031 I figured with my daddy issues, it was either that or stripping. 158 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,359 You certainly got the rack for either one. 159 00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,034 Bless your heart. 160 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,101 My heart is in a landfill. 161 00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:30,401 This baby belonged to a drunken quarterback from Alabama. 162 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,168 Roll Tide! 163 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,243 You know, Marty is a television legend. 164 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,880 He created Here Comes Pleshkin. 165 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,346 I love that show! 166 00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:40,644 That was a drinking game in college! 167 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:45,051 Every time someone would yell, "Pleshkin!", I would take a shot! 168 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,056 I had so much drunken sex because of your show. 169 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,922 It was a piece of crap. 170 00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:52,893 But it paid for my first six... seven wives. 171 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,000 And Pleshkin? Hermaphrodite. 172 00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:02,607 Once, he comes in three hours late. I tell him to go screw himself! 173 00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:05,038 He said, "Why do you think I'm three hours late?" 174 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:09,143 That's ajoke, sweetheart. Feel free to laugh. 175 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,084 Is this thing on? Roll Tide! 176 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,482 Pleshkin! 177 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,493 - I need another one. Marty? - Why not? 178 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,925 I got my liver from a narcoleptic Vietnamese rickshaw driver. 179 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,426 Evy, that's the best gift you've ever given me. 180 00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,035 - What do you mean? - You, me, Jenny, 181 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,365 a handful of little blue pills. 182 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,475 It's like the Spring Break of '43 all over again! 183 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:40,305 Marty, she's my granddaughter. 184 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,741 I know. 185 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:47,614 I have had some of the most decadent sexual encounters imaginable. 186 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:52,382 Mother/daughter, twins, triplets, Pleshkin. 187 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:57,791 But never the elusive grandmother/granddaughter combo. 188 00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,589 She's gay. 189 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:02,097 Just keeps getting better. 190 00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:05,737 Sweetheart, while I normally love your unique brand of depravity, 191 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,200 this is where I draw the line. 192 00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:10,204 So when it's me and the plumber, it's fine. 193 00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:12,206 You wanted that as much as I did. 194 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:14,777 I had my eye on his kidney. 195 00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,581 This is so exciting. 196 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,344 Another man's bed, another man's woman. 197 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,953 - Another man's... - Home! 198 00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:24,622 I know, it's so dirty. 199 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:26,883 No, no, no, the garage doorjust opened! 200 00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,323 And here comes the car. Beep, beep! 201 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,291 No, Larry's home. Get out! 202 00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:35,729 What do I do? Hide in the closet? Under the bed? 203 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:39,496 I could put on a wig and a dress and pretend I'm one of your friends. 204 00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,696 - Out the window! - Right, good call. 205 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:45,308 Whoa, we are up there. Oh, beautiful view. 206 00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:46,944 Hey, is that the Hollywood sign? 207 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,670 (SCREAMING, THUDDING) 208 00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,814 - What happened to you? - Oh, these? 209 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,619 I was with Lyndsey last night at her boyfriend's house, 210 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,694 and he came home early and I had to jump out the window. 211 00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:08,230 "Alan Harper: Love Burglar." 212 00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:12,700 I like it better than "Alan Harper: Roommate." 213 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:15,135 It's just so much fun to be thought of as a piece of meat. 214 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,536 She doesn't care about what I think or what I say. 215 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,337 I know how she feels. 216 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:21,808 Let me ask you something. 217 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,744 How would you like it if you were the poor schmuck being cheated on? 218 00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:26,508 I've always been the poor schmuck. 219 00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:29,586 - And how did it feel? - Horrible. 220 00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,723 Ha-ha, suck it, Larry! 221 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,220 I know you're having fun, Alan. 222 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,259 But sooner or later, somebody's gonna get hurt. 223 00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,454 Believe me. Someone got hurt last night. 224 00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:43,294 Boom, boom, boom. Know what I'm saying? 225 00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:46,562 Okay, from now on, let's just assume that I know what you're saying 226 00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:48,296 and I don't like it. 227 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,604 All right, you are hair-free. 228 00:11:55,815 --> 00:12:00,377 - You missed a spot. - You are a dirty old man. 229 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:05,080 If I'm such a dirty old man, maybe it's time for my sponge bath. 230 00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:09,816 Paging Nurse Evelyn! Report to Marty's crotch 231 00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:10,996 with a loofah! 232 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:15,993 - Ready to go? - I'll be right with you, dear. 233 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,294 Where are you going? 234 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,937 What about "Rub-a-dub-dub, Marty's in the tub?" 235 00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,266 I'll be right back. We're just going to the spa. 236 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:23,806 Yeah, Marty, you'll be happy. 237 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:26,603 When she comes back, she'll have less hair than your ears. 238 00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:29,440 - But this is date night. - I'll be back by 8:00. 239 00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,344 That's after Wheel. I'll be asleep! 240 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,247 I'll make it up to you in the morning. 241 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:41,453 I'm ninety-one-and-a-half! I can't plan that far ahead! 242 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:46,028 - That was amazing. - It was. 243 00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:47,358 You seen my underwear? 244 00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:51,002 Do you mean these? 245 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:56,038 - You know what? Keep them. - Oh, thank you. 246 00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,104 - Where you going? - What do you mean? Home. We're done. 247 00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,303 So it's just, "Wham, bam, thank you, 248 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,813 incredibly powerful, yet sensitive lover man?" 249 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,816 Don't get my panties in a bunch. 250 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,954 I'm serious. We never talk. 251 00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:13,387 Because we're not dating! I thought you were okay with this? 252 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,993 I am. That doesn't mean we can't take an interest in each others' lives. 253 00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:19,858 I mean, for example, did you know Charlie had a daughter? 254 00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,295 - Really? That's great! - Yeah. 255 00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:23,559 You can talk to her. 256 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,731 Fine. Whatever. (SCOFFING) 257 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,500 For the love of God. What do you want from me? 258 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,472 Well, if you must know, 259 00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,009 she's coming over for dinner tomorrow night. 260 00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,340 And I just thought that maybe you'd like to join us. 261 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,484 - Dinner? Seriously? - Forget I mentioned it. 262 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,880 Okay, look, I'll see what I can do. 263 00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:43,679 - Really? - I'll try. 264 00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:47,017 Oh, thank you! You've made me so happy. 265 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:48,420 Great, see you. 266 00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:53,959 I should've just bought a damn vibrator. 267 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:59,867 Here you go, Marty. Just the way you like it. 268 00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:02,336 Scotch and Metamucil. 269 00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:08,275 Why aren't we eating? It's almost 6:00. 270 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,538 Where are we, France? 271 00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:12,842 We're waiting for Alan's girlfriend. 272 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:15,247 I thought he was Alan's girlfriend. 273 00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,260 No, I own the house. 274 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,861 It's actually a funny story. I was on the beach and I went to... 275 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,225 Don't care. 276 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,962 Marty, don't be rude. 277 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:32,603 Sorry, low blood sugar. 278 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,067 Plus, I really don't care. 279 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,309 Unbelievable, Lyndsey's not answering any of my calls. 280 00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:42,446 - She hasn't returned any of my texts. - Told you you were gonna get hurt. 281 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,741 (MIMICKING WALDEN) "I told you you were gonna get hurt." 282 00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:47,714 You know what? I'm gonna go get her. 283 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,410 And don't try to stop me! 284 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,453 - Okay. - No problem. 285 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:53,918 (DOOR CLOSING) 286 00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,651 Now that buzzkill is gone, 287 00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:59,456 anyone wanna get high? 288 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:01,656 Roll joint! 289 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,335 You think Alan's gonna mind that we started without him? 290 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,303 Who's Alan? 291 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:16,314 You know, I think I banged Lucille Ball in this house. 292 00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:21,776 - She was my second favorite redhead. - Thank you. 293 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:26,723 Wait a second. It's night. 294 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,359 Why am I still here? 295 00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,122 See you tomorrow. 296 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,958 - Are you okay to drive? - I'm fine. 297 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,794 All right, let me know when you get home. 298 00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:38,833 I'm home! 299 00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:41,763 Your father would've loved this night. 300 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,704 We're all drunk, we're all high and Alan's not here. 301 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,673 Wait, who's Alan? 302 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,074 You know what we should do tomorrow? Go to the Malibu Police Station. 303 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,150 They took more pictures of your dad than I did. 304 00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,320 Again? 305 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,285 I thought we wanted to stay home and play naked Jeopardy. 306 00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,481 I want to spend time with my daughter. 307 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,719 - Granddaughter. - Oh, please, nobody's buying that. 308 00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,426 I am going into the living room, Evelyn. 309 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,158 I suggest you push me there. 310 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:13,736 - We need to talk. - Back in a minute. 311 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,874 There's a 50-50 chance he won't remember what he wants. 312 00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:21,240 If you're going to talk about me, you shouldn't shave my ears first. 313 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,910 He's great. 314 00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:28,052 Wonder what it's like to be 91. 315 00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:31,120 I imagine that you're wet in the places you used to be dry, 316 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,416 and dry in the places you used to be wet. 317 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:36,895 What's wrong? 318 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:40,588 Your granddaughter is coming between us. 319 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,528 And not in a good way. 320 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:46,603 Look, Marty, she just came into my life. 321 00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:49,433 And believe it or not, I wasn't always the best mom to Charlie 322 00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,905 or the other one. 323 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:54,204 Jennifer is my second chance. 324 00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:58,406 You've got to make a choice. It's me or the kid. 325 00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:02,178 I love you, Marty. But I have to pick my granddaughter. 326 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:06,449 You know I have 400 million dollars. 327 00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:09,559 I'm not saying it isn't close. 328 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,694 It's over! 329 00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,260 Okay, I'm bluffing! 330 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:18,797 I really miss you. 331 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:21,529 I miss you, too, money... Honey. 332 00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:25,808 Maybe I can make it up to you. 333 00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:30,448 If you can make it down to me, you can make it up to me. 334 00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:37,483 Something tells me that Marty doesn't want me around. 335 00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:40,817 What? I can't imagine anyone not wanting you around. 336 00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:44,655 Really? Because I'm pretty sure I'm staying at my grandmother's 337 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:46,626 because you don't want me around. 338 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,460 No! 339 00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:52,728 Maybe yes. 340 00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:58,003 I get it. You already have Alan. 341 00:17:58,210 --> 00:17:59,768 I do. 342 00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,572 Hey, do you think I'd look good in ajumpsuit? 343 00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:04,681 You'd look good in anything. 344 00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:08,785 That's because I'm good-Iooking. I pretend like I don't know. 345 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,354 Seriously, if you want privacy, then why do you have a roommate? 346 00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:16,858 No, Alan's way more than a roommate. 347 00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,859 He's my best friend. 348 00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:22,795 Yeah, he was there for me when I was all alone. 349 00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:26,164 Hey, he even took me into my own house. 350 00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:30,967 You know, him and his stoner son, and his horny mom, 351 00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,736 and your dead dad. 352 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,846 I mean, they've really become my family. 353 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,016 Mine, too. 354 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:42,347 I guess that means you're becoming part of my family. 355 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,786 Aw! 356 00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:49,385 I'm the most masculine person in this house. 357 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:55,260 - I like you, Jenny. - I like you, Walden. 358 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,630 If you were a chick, I would totally do you. 359 00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,533 Aw! You, too! 360 00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:07,341 Hey, you're welcome to crash here any time you need a break 361 00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,514 from Evelyn and... 362 00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:13,074 ...ninety-one-and-a-half shades of grey. 363 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:16,311 - Seriously? - Yeah. 364 00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:19,889 You know, I was thinking about putting in a home gym, but... 365 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,686 Big deal. I'd rather have a Jenny than a gym. 366 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,192 You and me both. 367 00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,896 (LAUGHING) I get it. 368 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:33,538 Because Jim and gym are homonyms and you're a homosexual. 369 00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:39,574 It's aawully quiet in there. Did they leave? 370 00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:42,372 I don't know. Let me go look. 371 00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:47,943 I shouldn't have looked. 372 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,222 (DOORBELL RINGING) 373 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:56,587 No matter what she says, do not cry. You're the prize here. 374 00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:00,221 Alan, what are you doing here? 375 00:20:00,432 --> 00:20:02,457 What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at my house. 376 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:05,637 - I said I would try. - And I said I wouldn't cry. 377 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:08,101 And I guess we're both liars now. 378 00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,775 Would you keep it down? Larry's here. 379 00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:13,274 What? You don't want him to hear your whore? 380 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:18,011 Because that's all I am to you. Your whore! 381 00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:22,916 - We agreed this was just about sex. - Forgive me for falling in love. 382 00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:25,419 Alan, if you don't leave right now, 383 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,115 you're never gonna see this again. 384 00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,392 Call at your convenience. 385 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:36,957 (DOORBELL RINGING) 386 00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,433 I'll get that. It's probably Lyndsey looking for a little morning wood 387 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,665 to start her fire. Know what I'm saying? 388 00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:45,467 I know what you're saying. 389 00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:48,441 I just don't know why you're saying it. 390 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,980 - Hello? - Mackenzie, you lying bitch! 391 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:57,246 Congo, my ass! Don't run. You don't wanna run! 392 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,592 Yeah, it feels like home again. Ripped By mstoll 393 00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:29,987 (English US - SDH)