00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy
it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
[Grunts]
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[Chorus]
* Good morning, U.S.A. *
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[Man Announcing] Live from C.I.A. Headquarters
in beautiful Langley, Virginia...
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it's the first ever C.I.A. Telethon!
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With your host Agent Stan Smith!
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Thank you!
Good evening, everybody!
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How about a hand for our band? Midget Assassin
and the This Doesn't Concern You Orchestra!
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[Audience Applauding]
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- Man, that is some sport coat!
- Oh, you like it?
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No, it's great. I just didn't realize
your latest assignment was to kill fashion.
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- [Rim Shot]
- [Audience Laughing]
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Folks, it's an honor for me
to be working in this studio.
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This is the very soundstage
where we faked the moon landing.
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And theJ FK assassination.
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No, I'm sorry. This is where we
planned theJ FK assassination.
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[Laughing]
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So a lot of people think that C.I.A. Stands
for Central Intelligence Agency.
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Not true, folks. Fact is,
C.I.A. Actually stands for...
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Stan Smith was born with
both male and female genitalia.
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- [Murmurings]
- That's not what we wrote!
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We don't go blue.
That's the lazy man's comedy.
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- Balls!
- [Chuckles]
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Maybe we're working too hard.
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Uh, anyway, you're in for quite a show
over the next 12 hours, so give generously.
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Let's kick things off with our very own
Langley Falls anchor partners Greg and Terry...
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reenacting the volleyball scene from
their favorite movie, Top Gun.
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[Applause]
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* [Rock]
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[Man]
* Movin'in slow motion *
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* It feels so good *
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* It's a strange anticipation *
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* Knock, knock
knockin'on wood *
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* Funny but it's
always the same *
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* Playing
Playing with the boys *
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Francine, you must be
so proud of your husband.
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This whole telethon was his idea.
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Now, I need a moment
with my writers.
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- What the hell was that genitals joke?
- That's not what we wrote.
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You were supposed to say,
"C.I.A. Stands for Central Insanity Agency."
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[Chuckles] That's good. That's good.
But that's not what was on the teleprompter!
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Well, someone must have
messed with it.
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I'm gonna go double-check the copy for
the "Taliban, Taliban, Tally Me Banana" sketch.
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You really think someone
messed with the teleprompter?
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I mean, who would want
to sabotage the telethon?
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Sabotage? Oh, no!
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Did you hear? We just captured
a new terrorist! Time to torture!
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- Oh, yeah!
- Yea! I get to strap him to the waterboard!
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- I call the car battery!
- I want to slather him in oil and make love to him all night long!
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Oh, no. I'm on the phone.
Yeah, I'm still here, Mom.
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Stop!
We can't torture anyone!
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- What's he talking about? We always torture.
- We can't afford it.
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I was just on Capitol Hill. The Democrats
have completely cut our torture budget.
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- [All Gasp]
- They're using the money to teach inner-city kids...
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to read.
[Sobbing]
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[Chattering]
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[Screams]
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We'll just have to raise a million dollars
and fund the torture program ourselves.
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Luckily, I have a plan.
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We have the biggest keg party
this town's ever seen.
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We charge five- no, seven dollars a cup.
Girls drink free.
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Uh, sir, I don't think
that's gonna work.
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I don't hear you suggesting
how to get girls to our party.
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How hard can it be to come up
with a million dollars?
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What if I invent something?
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Paper clips, paper clips-
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Piper claps- Popper clops!
Clops that pop your cloppers!
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I think torture
is barbaric and inhumane!
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I can't believe you're
actually trying to save it!
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Why not?
You tried to save Veronica Mars.
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We get it. Girl detectives are bitchier
than regular detectives.
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Fart!
Not into it.
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You know what show I tried to save?
The Ghost Whisperer.
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- It's still on.
- Really?
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That's it! I've got the idea!
Dark bulbs!
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You know, for when
it's too bright out.
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[All Laughing]
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What?
It's a great idea!
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Stan, it's okay.
So you're not an idea guy.
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Yes, I am! Remember when
I invented that machine?
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Stan, that wasn't a machine.
That was a hat.
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I am an idea man,
and I'll prove it to you all.
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I just need to get away from all
this negativity so I can concentrate.
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Sweet'N High.
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Wheat Thicks.
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- Southern Discomfort.
- Good, you're here.
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You can either take your socks off now,
or I can knock 'em off for ya.
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- What are you talking about?
- * [Band Fanfare]
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Live from C.I.A. Headquarters
in Langley, Virginia...
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it's the first annual
C.I.A. Telethon!
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[Imitates Crowd Cheering]
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A telethon?
No one wants to run 26 miles!
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Not a marathon, a telethon!
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It's the perfect way for you
to raise the money you need!
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That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
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- That's whatJerry Lewis said right before he stole my idea.
- You knew Jerry Lewis?
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Yeah. Back in the '50s I was his tailor.
I shortened his pants. Made him a star.
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One day I said to him, "Jer"-
I called him Jer, but not to his face.
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I said, "Jerry, how about you do
a long, televised plea for money?"
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Course he did it, and he said it was all his idea.
Made me look like a total liar.
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The only one who believed me
was Dean Martin. Good old Dino.
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What a sweetheart.
Talented, talented greaseball- from Ohio!
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Thanks, Roger.
But I don't need your stupid telethon idea.
108
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I have all night
to come up with something.
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Hamburger... Hinderer.
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Guess what, everybody.
Bullock loved my telethon idea!
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- What?
- A telethon? Wow, that is a good idea!
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- Way to go, Dad!
- Wunderbar!
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- Wait a minute. Your idea?
- You should have seen it.
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They were taking away all our torture stuff.
Everybody's freaking out.
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And then, like a bolt of lightning,
it came to me- telethon!
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I'm so proud of you, honey!
How did you ever think of a telethon?
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- He didn't! It was my idea!
- Yours?
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Yeah. Remember, Stan? We were in
the living room, and I said "telethon"!
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- Stan, is that true?
- Oh, I remember now.
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- Thank you!
- Yeah. You said "marathon," and that's what got me to telethon.
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- Oh, marathon.
- That's why Roger got confused.
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Oh! A marathon's a terrible idea.
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No, no, no!
The telethon was my idea!
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Stan, tell 'em the truth,
or they're gonna think I'm a liar!
125
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That spaceship sailed
a long time ago!
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[All Laughing]
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- Get it? Because he's an alien!
- Or so he claims.
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- [All Laughing]
- He's simply not credible, and I am apparently.
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I letJerry Lewis live.
I think we all agree that was a mistake.
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But I'm not gonna be
branded a liar again!
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Mark my words.
This time, I will be avenged!
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Please call me
when dinner is ready!
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Of course. It's Roger!
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He's trying to ruin the telethon because
I didn't call him when dinner was ready!
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* [Band Fanfare]
136
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[Phones Ringing]
137
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Klaus, did that
teleprompter mishap hurt us?
138
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Well, the donations slowed down a little,
but things are starting to pick up again.
139
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Good. We can still meet our goal.
I just have to make sure nothing else goes wrong.
140
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So anyway, what happened after
you slathered him in oil? Did he like that?
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Hey, everyone!
Look who just wandered in...
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00:08:01,931 --> 00:08:04,525
from their tree house
in the Appalachian wilderness.
143
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- It's the amazing Buckle and Sherry!
- * [Band Fanfare]
144
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Honey, I've been meaning
to ask you for a... separation!
145
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Like you could survive
five minutes without me!
146
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What kind of man puts his wife
in a box and cuts her up?
147
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I'm just trying to create
a sense of wonder!
148
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You know what I wonder?
Why I didn't listen to my mother!
149
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"Don't marry a mountain-man magician."
That's what she said.
150
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I joined a synagogue for you!
Just do the trick!
151
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Oh, you want to do a trick?
Here's a trick. Put a baby in me!
152
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- Sherry and Buckle!
- It's Sharri!
153
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You know, folks, we're having a lot of fun tonight.
But let's remember why we're all here.
154
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- This is a terrorist!
- [All Gasp]
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They call him
the Common Garden Snake of Rumallah!
156
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- [Man Clears Throat]
- It sounds much scarier in Arabic.
157
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Snake, do you have information
vital to this nation's security?
158
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I do, Stan, yes, very much.
159
00:08:59,723 --> 00:09:02,157
And will you share
that information with us willingly?
160
00:09:02,258 --> 00:09:04,283
Willingly?
[Chuckles] No!
161
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This is why we need to fund
the C.I.A. Torture program.
162
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We have just over nine hours to
raise the one million dollars...
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or those repo men will take away
our torture equipment forever.
164
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Operators are standing by.
165
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And now, black music!
166
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[Cheering, Applause]
167
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* [Disco: Man Singing, Indistinct]
168
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I'm so proud of you, Stan.
I really underestimated you.
169
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I'm a man of action.
A man of ideas.
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[Roger's Voice] "Dear Stan. Admit you're
the liar, or my reign of terror will continue.
171
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"Signed, the Phantom
of the Telethon- Roger.
172
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"P. S: When you give me credit,
refer to me as Roger.
173
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"Thanks.
The Phantom-
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00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:53,808
Roger. "
175
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,848
So, down the gauntlet has been laid.
176
00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:04,647
Lain? Laid.
177
00:10:04,754 --> 00:10:06,881
Delivery for
the Phantom of the Telethon.
178
00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:10,482
Oh, my God!
My pipe organ! Yea!
179
00:10:10,593 --> 00:10:13,824
This is what I'm supposed to play maniacally
down in the catacombs?
180
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:16,763
Oh! What'd you think
you were gettin' for 39.95?
181
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,834
No, no!
This is totally unaccept-
182
00:10:18,935 --> 00:10:20,903
- * [Disco Beat]
- Ohh!
183
00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:23,404
♪ [Classical]
184
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Yeah, I can work with this.
185
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,744
* [Band Fanfare]
186
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,211
[Cheering]
187
00:10:32,447 --> 00:10:34,574
Welcome back to the C.I.A. Telethon.
188
00:10:34,683 --> 00:10:38,813
Folks, we still have a long way to go
to reach our goal, so we need your pledges.
189
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,888
Smile and look to camera "B."
190
00:10:40,989 --> 00:10:45,187
You know, sometimes torture doesn't
go quite the way you planned. Let's watch.
191
00:10:45,293 --> 00:10:48,319
- [Film Projector Whirring]
- * [Lighthearted]
192
00:10:50,332 --> 00:10:52,664
- [Laughing]
- [Laughter]
193
00:10:55,537 --> 00:10:57,664
- [Laughing]
- [Laughter]
194
00:10:58,773 --> 00:11:00,741
- [Groans] -
[Laughing] - [Laughter]
195
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:05,336
- * [Funk]
- [All Gasp]
196
00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:09,645
Cut! Cut! I'm sorry, folks.
I have no idea how that tape got in there.
197
00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:12,914
* [Roger's Keyboard: Disco Classical]
198
00:11:15,523 --> 00:11:19,482
- Uh, play something!
- * [Jazz Pop]
199
00:11:21,696 --> 00:11:23,664
What the hell was that?
200
00:11:23,765 --> 00:11:27,701
Honey, that's what you have to do
after a man takes you to a fancy dinner.
201
00:11:27,802 --> 00:11:29,861
N-No.
I mean, why was it shown?
202
00:11:29,971 --> 00:11:34,101
Well, l-I'll tell you why.
Because Roger's still clinging to the fantasy...
203
00:11:34,209 --> 00:11:37,736
that this telethon was his idea,
and now he's trying to ruin it!
204
00:11:37,846 --> 00:11:40,838
Steve, Hayley, I need you
to find him and stop him.
205
00:11:40,949 --> 00:11:44,214
I better get the security guard. I'm not
searching that basement unless I'm accompanied...
206
00:11:44,319 --> 00:11:48,016
by an armed stranger who failed
the psychological test to become a cop.
207
00:11:53,661 --> 00:11:56,255
Here's the intro for
the circus bear, Mr. Smith.
208
00:11:56,364 --> 00:11:58,332
"Some acts are too hot.
209
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:00,401
"Some acts are too cold.
210
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:04,632
This act is just right."
Oh, like Goldilocks.
211
00:12:04,739 --> 00:12:08,368
Part of me thinks people will be confused
because there's only one bear.
212
00:12:08,476 --> 00:12:11,411
You're overthinking it!
213
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:14,539
♪ Irene Grossbard ♪
214
00:12:14,649 --> 00:12:17,413
♪ Irene Grossbard ♪
215
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,544
♪ I really mean it ♪
216
00:12:19,654 --> 00:12:23,715
♪ Irene Grossbard ♪
217
00:12:23,825 --> 00:12:26,988
Okay. That was Gretchen Grossbard
with a tribute to her sister...
218
00:12:27,095 --> 00:12:30,428
Irene... Grossbard!
219
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:32,557
Folks, we gotta do better than this.
220
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:35,431
You know, the C.I.A. Has
captured a lot of bomb makers.
221
00:12:35,537 --> 00:12:39,940
Well, it's time for you to set off
the biggest bomb of all- the one in your hearts.
222
00:12:40,041 --> 00:12:42,134
[All]
Aww!
223
00:12:42,243 --> 00:12:45,178
Let's keep the show goin'.
Some acts are too hot.
224
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,248
Some acts are too cold.
225
00:12:47,348 --> 00:12:50,806
This act is just right.
226
00:12:52,587 --> 00:12:54,646
Joke killer.
He's a joke killer.
227
00:12:54,756 --> 00:12:58,487
Please welcome
Boris the Russian circus bear.
228
00:12:58,593 --> 00:13:00,754
* [Jaunty]
229
00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:09,102
- [Creaking]
- [Tires Squealing]
230
00:13:09,204 --> 00:13:12,264
- Something is wrong!
- [Growls]
231
00:13:12,373 --> 00:13:14,864
- [Crashing]
- [Crowd Gasps]
232
00:13:14,976 --> 00:13:16,910
[Boris Groans]
233
00:13:17,011 --> 00:13:20,276
Itty-bitty brake line is cut.
234
00:13:20,381 --> 00:13:22,645
* [Keyboard: Disco Classical]
235
00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:25,947
All part of the show, folks.
Everything's fine. Music, Frodo. Music!
236
00:13:26,054 --> 00:13:28,181
♪ [Latin Pop]
237
00:13:31,526 --> 00:13:33,494
Hayley, what the hell happened?
238
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:38,225
We were looking for Roger when somebody hit
me on the head. When I woke up, Steve was gone.
239
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:40,358
Wait. What would Roger
want with Steve?
240
00:13:40,468 --> 00:13:42,959
Hmm?
What the hell?
241
00:13:43,071 --> 00:13:45,062
Do not fear me, fair maiden.
242
00:13:45,173 --> 00:13:50,076
Though my outward appearance may repulse thee,
I assure you my intentions are most pure.
243
00:13:50,178 --> 00:13:53,705
- What are you doing?
- The Phantom welcomes you to his home.
244
00:13:53,815 --> 00:13:57,717
Sheez, it stinks in here!
And why am I in a dress?
245
00:13:57,819 --> 00:14:00,754
I'll thank you to hold
your criticism, my darling.
246
00:14:00,855 --> 00:14:04,154
- Ah, the hell with this!
- Steve? Steve, come back here!
247
00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:06,318
I am trying to do something!
248
00:14:06,427 --> 00:14:10,557
Ladies and gentlemen, the United States
may be the greatest nation in the world.
249
00:14:10,665 --> 00:14:12,963
But do you know what
the second-greatest nation is?
250
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:15,331
- [Man] El Salvador!
- No, not Mexico.
251
00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:20,840
The second greatest nation is donation.
Won't you all become citizens?
252
00:14:20,942 --> 00:14:23,502
Now, let's go to
a real good novelty today-
253
00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:27,308
Jeff Fischer
and theJeff Fischer Hacky Sack Attack!
254
00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:31,010
One, two, three.
Woo-hoo!
255
00:14:31,119 --> 00:14:33,087
Thank you, Langley!
256
00:14:36,524 --> 00:14:40,290
What? You want more?
257
00:14:40,395 --> 00:14:43,455
All right! One, two-
258
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:49,131
- [Audience Gasps]
- [Roger Cackling]
259
00:14:58,213 --> 00:15:03,150
Oh. Really thought we were gearing up
for a much more satisfying chase. But this-
260
00:15:03,251 --> 00:15:07,051
- Roger, I'll kill you!
- I'm not Roger! I'm the Phantom!
261
00:15:07,155 --> 00:15:10,591
- [Gasps] Roger!
- Well, yeah. Who did you-What?
262
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:13,092
Well, anyway, you'll never stop me!
263
00:15:15,897 --> 00:15:18,798
There you go again,
stealing my idea.
264
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:24,566
Well, until you tell the family this telethon
was my idea, I've got havoc to wreak!
265
00:15:24,672 --> 00:15:27,732
- Wreck? Wreak.
- It ends now!
266
00:15:27,842 --> 00:15:30,436
Ha! You can't stop the Phantom!
267
00:15:30,545 --> 00:15:35,744
These riggings and catwalks are my domain!
And I am their master!
268
00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:37,841
[Screaming]
269
00:15:37,952 --> 00:15:39,852
[Groaning]
270
00:15:42,957 --> 00:15:44,857
[Groans]
271
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:48,028
[Groaning Continues]
272
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,631
[Screaming]
273
00:15:55,036 --> 00:15:57,971
All right, all right! I give up!
But it doesn't matter!
274
00:15:58,072 --> 00:16:01,371
I've already destroyed
this telethon!
275
00:16:01,476 --> 00:16:04,411
- And untied your bow tie!
- No!
276
00:16:04,512 --> 00:16:07,106
You've given me a relaxed demeanor!
277
00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:09,877
Oh, my God!
Is that a bomb?
278
00:16:09,984 --> 00:16:13,078
- You planted a bomb?
- What the hell are you talking about?
279
00:16:13,187 --> 00:16:15,655
That's enough C-4 to blow up
this entire building!
280
00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:18,123
- Disarm it!
- Stan, it's not mine.
281
00:16:18,226 --> 00:16:20,694
All I did was change the teleprompter,
cut the bear's brakes...
282
00:16:20,795 --> 00:16:23,229
release the terrorist,
drop a fishing boat on Jeff Fischer-
283
00:16:23,331 --> 00:16:25,356
Wait. You released the terrorist?
284
00:16:25,466 --> 00:16:28,299
He's an explosives expert!
We'll never be able to disarm it!
285
00:16:28,403 --> 00:16:31,895
Oh, my God!
Stan, I know exactly what to do.
286
00:16:32,006 --> 00:16:33,974
Put me down.
287
00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:36,043
♪ [Dramatic Sting]
288
00:16:37,145 --> 00:16:39,113
Let's try that on the fart setting.
289
00:16:39,213 --> 00:16:41,113
♪ [Farting]
290
00:16:44,218 --> 00:16:47,381
I don't know. It's funnier,
but I think it takes out some of the tension.
291
00:16:51,659 --> 00:16:55,151
How could you release the Snake?
He's a master bomb maker!
292
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:59,222
Me? [Chuckles] I don't know about "master."
I make a nice bomb.
293
00:16:59,334 --> 00:17:01,427
All right, Snake!
The jig is up!
294
00:17:01,536 --> 00:17:03,436
Um, uh-
295
00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:07,739
Prepare to meet your Mecca!
296
00:17:09,477 --> 00:17:11,775
Fine. Go ahead and kill me now.
297
00:17:11,879 --> 00:17:14,848
Once the ticking clock on your tote board
counts down to zero...
298
00:17:14,949 --> 00:17:17,850
this whole building
will be blown to smithereens!
299
00:17:17,952 --> 00:17:20,079
Good God!
I've got to evacuate the building!
300
00:17:20,188 --> 00:17:22,918
Not so fast.
I've rigged the exits.
301
00:17:23,024 --> 00:17:25,652
I've also rigged the elevator shaft,
the air ducts...
302
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,194
the little window
in the bathroom-
303
00:17:28,296 --> 00:17:30,264
I've seen a lot of movies.
304
00:17:30,365 --> 00:17:34,062
When you're forbidden to drink, dance,
or touch yourself, your afternoons are pretty free.
305
00:17:34,168 --> 00:17:36,227
You can't touch yourself?
How do you masturbate?
306
00:17:36,337 --> 00:17:38,396
I'll give you the
code to disarm the bomb.
307
00:17:38,506 --> 00:17:40,872
But first, you will
have to meet my demands.
308
00:17:40,975 --> 00:17:43,705
- I don't negotiate with terrorists!
- Oh, really?
309
00:17:43,811 --> 00:17:45,779
Have you ever bought a mattress?
310
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,212
Fine!
What are your demands?
311
00:17:48,316 --> 00:17:52,719
I have something
I want you to tell the world.
312
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:55,914
Hello.
I'm the United States.
313
00:17:56,023 --> 00:17:59,754
[Feminine Voice] And I'm Israel.
With you behind me, I can do whatever I want.
314
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,920
Well, I want you.
315
00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:05,362
Take me!
[Feminine, Masculine Moaning]
316
00:18:05,466 --> 00:18:08,902
No! This is wrong!
We both have the same father- Satan!
317
00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:11,130
Uh! I don't care!
[Moaning Continues]
318
00:18:12,173 --> 00:18:14,141
Oh, God! Ohh, God!
319
00:18:14,242 --> 00:18:17,973
- Oh, Judeo-Christian false God!
- [Man Coughs]
320
00:18:18,079 --> 00:18:20,946
All right. I did your little play,
and it was intoxicating.
321
00:18:21,048 --> 00:18:23,846
If you have anything else I'd be right for,
please keep me in mind.
322
00:18:23,951 --> 00:18:26,283
In the meantime,
I need you to disarm the bomb!
323
00:18:26,387 --> 00:18:29,823
Oh, that? No, no. I was lying.
I was never going to disarm the bomb.
324
00:18:29,924 --> 00:18:32,791
- You bastard!
- You're mad at him for lying?
325
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:35,294
You guys are enemies!
Of course he lies to you.
326
00:18:35,396 --> 00:18:39,765
But you're worse. You stole my idea
and lied about it to your own family.
327
00:18:39,867 --> 00:18:42,028
Oh, my God!
You're right!
328
00:18:42,136 --> 00:18:44,104
Lying is wrong!
329
00:18:44,205 --> 00:18:47,868
I'd know that if only I'd paid attention
to anything that's ever happened to me before.
330
00:18:47,975 --> 00:18:51,035
It's not too late to tell
everyone the truth, Stan.
331
00:18:51,145 --> 00:18:53,409
Oh, what's the point?
We're about to die.
332
00:18:53,514 --> 00:18:56,506
I don't want "I'm a liar" to be
the last thing I say to them.
333
00:18:56,617 --> 00:18:58,585
It doesn't have to be
the last thing.
334
00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:01,280
What if I save us all?
Then will you tell them the truth?
335
00:19:01,389 --> 00:19:06,884
Roger, you save my family,
and I'd be honored to redeem your good name.
336
00:19:06,994 --> 00:19:11,055
Excuse me. Does this have dairy in it?
Because if you want to see a real dirty bomb-
337
00:19:11,165 --> 00:19:13,656
[Laughs]
Give me something with dairy in it!
338
00:19:13,768 --> 00:19:16,259
- [Roger Groaning]
- No, no, no.
339
00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:19,032
Let the truth be told!
What's the code to disarm the bomb?
340
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:21,836
I'll never tell!
[Groaning]
341
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,911
* [Show Tune]
342
00:19:25,446 --> 00:19:27,414
- [Indistinct Shouts]
- [Clattering]
343
00:19:27,515 --> 00:19:29,483
Leapin' lizards!
344
00:19:31,385 --> 00:19:35,321
- This is annoying! Hey!
- * [Keyboard: Discordant Notes]
345
00:19:35,423 --> 00:19:37,414
- Hey!
- Wait a minute.
346
00:19:37,525 --> 00:19:40,653
I think I know how
to save us and the C.I.A.
347
00:19:40,761 --> 00:19:43,059
Ladies and gentlemen,
we've had a lot of fun tonight.
348
00:19:43,164 --> 00:19:45,758
But when that clock runs down,
this building will explode.
349
00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:48,734
- [All Gasp]
- Yeah, you should be concerned.
350
00:19:48,836 --> 00:19:53,000
Because that's the only man who knows the code
to disarm the bomb, and he's not talking.
351
00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:55,837
And he's not talking
because we can't torture him!
352
00:19:55,943 --> 00:19:59,743
Sure, he can be beaten by amateurs,
like that oddly proportioned fellow in the cape.
353
00:19:59,847 --> 00:20:01,815
- [Groans] Come on!
- * [Group Humming]
354
00:20:01,916 --> 00:20:03,884
But we're never gonna get
any answers that way.
355
00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:07,887
We need the money to fund
official unofficial C.I.A. Torture.
356
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,957
We're counting on your generosity.
357
00:20:10,057 --> 00:20:13,185
- [Phones Ringing]
- Stan, it's working! The phones are ringing off the hook!
358
00:20:13,294 --> 00:20:15,023
[Dinging]
359
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:17,825
That's it, folks!
Give till it hurts...
360
00:20:17,932 --> 00:20:20,366
- him!
- [Groaning]
361
00:20:20,468 --> 00:20:23,062
- We have the money!
- Quick! Get the equipment.
362
00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:27,804
Hold this up!
363
00:20:27,909 --> 00:20:29,877
- [Snake Grunts]
- [Groans]
364
00:20:29,977 --> 00:20:32,502
- [Machinery Whirring, Buzzing]
- [Snake Screams]
365
00:20:32,613 --> 00:20:34,808
The code is 1-2-3-4-pound!
366
00:20:38,185 --> 00:20:41,643
- The bomb is disarmed!
- [Cheering]
367
00:20:41,756 --> 00:20:44,748
- That's what I'm gonna say when I disarm the bomb!
- Roger!
368
00:20:50,064 --> 00:20:52,555
The arm is disbombed!
Damn it.
369
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:55,568
[Cheering, Whooping]
370
00:20:58,239 --> 00:21:00,139
[Groans]
371
00:21:00,241 --> 00:21:03,233
So, now you can tell Francine
and the kids I'm not a liar.
372
00:21:03,344 --> 00:21:05,312
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
373
00:21:05,413 --> 00:21:08,576
Well, that's our show, folks. If you're
interested in learning more about torture...
374
00:21:08,683 --> 00:21:11,015
follow an immigrant
into your local police station.
375
00:21:11,118 --> 00:21:13,086
Good night!
[Groans]
376
00:21:13,187 --> 00:21:15,883
♪ [Keyboard: Discordant Notes]
377
00:21:47,989 --> 00:21:49,889
Bye. Have a beautiful time!