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Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy
it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
[Grunts]
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[Chorus]
# Good morning, U.S.A. ##
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Oh, my God! We've been robbed!
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- Come on out, you thieving bastards!
- Dad!
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Hayley, you were elected family gun shield
at the last family meeting.
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You're also in charge
of the Netflix queue.
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Just know this.
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I never don't want to have
Kindergarten Cop.
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- [Roger Groans]
- [Gasps]
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- Roger, did you see who did this?
- Yeah. I did this.
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I was looking for clues to where
you're throwing my birthday party.
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Found nothing, so I took a nap.
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Roger, we wanted it to be a surprise.
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We're throwing you a bowling party.
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Oh, a bowling party. How original.
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Apparently, I'm a 13-year-old Latino kid.
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Well, what do you want to do?
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Something good! I mean, you rented out
the amphitheater for Steve's birthday.
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We went to a 4 Non Blondes concert.
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It's not our fault
we were the only ones there.
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You took Hayley skydiving.
Stan got four pairs of jeans.
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I guess you had to come out of- or
regularly visit- Francine's clown hole...
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to matter around this place.
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It is a happening spot.
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I want to do something special.
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I'm turning 1,601.
It's when I hit puberty.
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Warning. I'm gonna get
a lot more sexually aggressive.
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- You have any suggestions?
- Uh, yeah.
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Everyone should avoid wearing
loose-fitting shorts around me.
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I'll get in there! Heh!
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But seriously, I want to do what the
greats do when they get celebrated.
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- I want a roast.
- Roger, do you even know what a roast is?
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Of course I do. I was a member
of the Friars Club in the '60s.
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I drove Phyllis Diller
to two of her first three abortions.
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She must have such regret,
never getting her driver's license.
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I guess we can do that.
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We'll dress up nice,
throw a few good-natured barbs your way.
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Good-natured? Oh, no.
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Don't you dare go light on me.
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- The best roasts are brutal and hilarious.
- Oh, I think it'll be fun.
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You can't participate, Klaus. I hate you.
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I say that not out of anger,
but simply as a fact.
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It's 67 degrees outside, and I hate you.
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Well, if that's what you really want,
then of course we'll do it.
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Make it so, Fran-cisco.
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have my bowling league tonight.
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[Latino Accent]
I'm a-roll a turkey tonight, ese.
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Settle down, everyone. Who threw that?
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- [Man] Your mother's ass!
- [Snaps Fingers]
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Due to recent financial hardships...
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the C. I.A. has been forced
to take on a corporate sponsor.
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That sponsor is Jones Enterprises...
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makers of the Chia Pet.
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So from now on, we'll be known as...
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the Central Human
Intelligence Agency.
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[Whirring, Beeping]
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- Frank.
- Just let him go.
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The Chia Pet people are sending
a C. I.A. family into space for one year...
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to see if Chia seeds grow up there.
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The dream of an Afro on the moon
is within our grasp, people.
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[Man]
Looks like your wife's bald!
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Kruger,
you just got yourself a month in Kabul!
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Now- [Clears Throat]
the agent chosen for this mission...
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was not only the most qualified.
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He also sold the most
magazine subscriptions.
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- Congratulations, Sanders!
- [Scattered Applause]
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Can't you even smile?
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I don't have any friends in space.
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You're friends with your sister!
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Good evening, and welcome
to the Smith family roast of Roger Smith.
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Say mean things, Stan!
Talk about how he's gray!
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You ready, Roger?
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Roger is truly one of the most
interesting people I know.
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He's also a pathetic drug addict.
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- [Chuckling]
- Ho, ho!
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I'm gonna read a list of different drugs.
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And, Roger, if you hear one
you're not on right now, raise your hand.
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Cocaine. Heroin.
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Ecstasy. Crack.
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OxyContin. Meth.
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Steroids. Cooked-down Afrin.
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Euphoria, the fake drug from 90210.
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[Laughing]
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Okay. Next, I'd like to introduce a woman
who is in a rare group for Roger...
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- one who hasn't penetrated him with a strap-on.
- Ho-ho!
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Let's hear it for Francine Smith.
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[Chuckling]
Thank you, Stan.
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Roger, you're the most disgusting...
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out-of-shape piece of shit
I've ever met in my life.
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And I know Sammy Hagar.
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[All Guffawing]
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A few years ago, we thought
it would be a good idea...
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to get Roger a checking account
to teach him responsibility.
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Here's what old Rog did.
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- Here's check 001, the only check Roger ever wrote.
- [Stan Laughs]
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Please note that in the date line,
he's written "Today comma 1783."
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It's made out for the amount of $72
million, and it's payable to "Drugs."
103
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In the memo line, it says "For Drugs, yo."
104
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And it's signed "John Travolta."
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[Howling, Laughing]
106
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Anyway, this was
the only check he ever wrote.
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The rest of the checks
have holes in them...
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because Roger got drunk and raped them.
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[Others Laughing]
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Roger's June 4 diary entry.
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It says "Million-dollar ideas."
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- And under it, it reads, "Diarrhea equals Rhea Perlman."
- [Stan, Laughing] No!
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The rest of the pages have holes
in them because he raped them.
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[Others Laughing]
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[Chuckling]
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All right, it's time to hear
from the man of the hour.
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Roger, you drunk, lazy cocksucker.
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Get the waiter's dick
out of your mouth and get up here.
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[Applause Continues]
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[Stops]
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Why? Why would you do this?
122
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What- What did I ever do to any of you...
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to make you say
those incredibly hurtful things?
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Are you serious?
125
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Does it look like I'm not serious?
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Roger, this is what you asked for.
127
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You stay away from me, Francine.
All of you stay away from me.
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This has been the worst night
of my entire life!
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[Sobbing]
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- Morning.
- Roger, where have you been?
131
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We haven't seen you in days.
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Getting my life together. That's where.
133
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Those comments you made
the other night resonated in me...
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and I decided it was time for a change.
135
00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:35,052
We didn't say those things so you'd change.
We were just poking fun.
136
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:38,927
Well, the person you described in graphic
detail and in decent joke form...
137
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is not someone I want to be.
138
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I got a job at a bank...
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which should address
the monetary problems Hayley pointed out.
140
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And I'm also three days' sober.
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Stan, thank you for
that very loud wake-up call.
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Who's that positive girl with you?
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This is Ally, my life coach.
She also works at Jumbo Juice.
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She gave me a fiber boost.
Then she gave me a life boost.
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[Shrieking Laugh]
146
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- [Exclaims]
- She has weird energy, doesn't she?
147
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She also made me a goal list.
148
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This is the first piece of paper
I haven't sexually assaulted in years.
149
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So you're not mad at us anymore?
150
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God, no. You saved my life.
151
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Okay. Because you were madder
than we've ever seen you.
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- And you do have a history of holding grudges.
- What? No, I don't.
153
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You wrote death threats to Merlin Olsen...
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00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,172
for seven years after
Father Murphy was canceled.
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He was just the star, Roger.
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That was the old me.
I'm done with all that.
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By the way, Merlin had
a producer credit the second season.
158
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He could have done something.
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00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,883
I'm off for a little night run
at the Howard University track.
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- Sit down and have dinner first.
- Thank you, no.
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I'm going for a run, and I have
to leave here right now, immediately.
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[Klaus] Guys, get in here!
The porn channel's coming in for some reason.
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- ##['70s Funk]
- Nice.
164
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:56,606
- [All Coughing, Gasping]
- Is everyone okay?
165
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Did we lose the porn?
166
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There must have been a gas leak.
167
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,738
We could've all been killed.
168
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:04,612
You know,
Roger sure did leave in a hurry.
169
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:08,778
You- You don't think Roger had
something to do with the explosion?
170
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Because of the roast? Guys, you heard him.
171
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We inspired him to better himself.
172
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Still, to be safe, we should follow him...
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you know, just to see if he's doing
all the things he says he is.
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And 300. Have a good one.
175
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:28,706
Hey, Liz, I'm thinking about
going to Nordstrom's at lunch.
176
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:32,505
You want to grab a sandwich and walk
around Nordstrom's at lunch, Elizabeth?
177
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[Panting]
178
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:51,654
You know, the other day, I took a walk
down to George C. Scott Park...
179
00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:53,391
right when the sun was going down.
180
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You know how that time is like.
181
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Sun's throwing shadows and all.
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It got me thinking about when I was
a young man sitting in that park...
183
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:04,270
you know, watching the girls, smoking
a little herb, drinking a cold beer.
184
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:08,211
And I had this moment
when I wanted to feel that way again.
185
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But I didn't get high.
186
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,575
Instead, I went home and
watched The Wire.
187
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,483
That's where this speech is from.
188
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,283
Thanks for letting me share.
189
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,756
[Family Laughing]
190
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:26,764
You guys thought I tried to kill you?
Hilarious!
191
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,494
[All Laughing]
192
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,537
It's- It's so therapeutic to laugh.
193
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,469
Hey, does anyone have the exact time?
194
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,269
- 8:04.
- Thank you, my love.
195
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,933
Ow, ow.
196
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:40,137
My running regimen
is killing my lower back.
197
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,577
I got to lie down.
198
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,911
- [Machine Gun Fire]
- [Francine Gasps]
199
00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:46,985
You guys can get up now!
It's definitely over!
200
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,251
You were right.
Someone is trying to kill us.
201
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,656
Let's get out of here!
Get in the car. Let's go.
202
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:58,322
[Tires Screeching]
203
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,126
I think we're safe.
204
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:02,723
Quick thinking back there, Roger.
Roger?
205
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:03,995
[No Audible Dialogue]
206
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,832
Roger might be trying to kill us.
207
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:07,764
And we have no brakes.
208
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,410
- [Pedestrians Screaming]
- [Horns Honking]
209
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,607
[Air Hissing]
210
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:23,718
- Wow! This is a really safe car.
- Of course it is, Son.
211
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,815
The new Chevy Tumbler has
driver- and passenger-side air bags...
212
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,326
as well as head curtain-side
impact air bags.
213
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,123
Plus an all-new third row of seats...
214
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,892
and OnStar with a one-year
Safe & Sound Plan.
215
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,594
- [Bell Dings] - [Woman] This is OnStar.
Is everything okay, Mr. Smith?
216
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,602
Everything's fine, Elaine. Thank you.
217
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,672
Who the fuck is Elaine, Stan?
218
00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:44,774
[Singing Along To Stereo] ♪ I saw the
sign, and it opened up my eyes ♪
219
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,402
♪ I saw the sign-♪
You're alive!
220
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,815
- So you are pissed about the roast.
- You're damn right I am!
221
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:53,942
- ## [Stops]
- You guys all got up and insulted me...
222
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,680
in the meanest way possible.
223
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,689
- And you were all laughing.
- Yeah, that's a roast.
224
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,656
- Roger.
- It's too late!
225
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,751
A switch went off inside me that night.
226
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:05,194
And now all I think about
is killing you guys.
227
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:08,630
That's been my real goal all along.
228
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,429
My first few attempts failed.
229
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,800
So I'm changing my approach-
gonna get more creative.
230
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:16,671
Nothing set in stone, although I'm pretty sure
these scorpions are going in Steve's butt.
231
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:20,007
They're rare butt-hole eating scorpions,
and they cost me 2,000 bucks each.
232
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:23,309
But then I'm not very good
with money, am I, Hayley?
233
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,179
Roger, you need to stop this now!
234
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,218
I'm never gonna stop.
235
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,787
[Both Grunting, Groaning]
236
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,591
[Gasps]
237
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,688
Nice shot, Steve.
238
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:38,923
Every shot's a nice shot
with a McGregor tranq gun.
239
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:42,159
[Scottish Accent]
McGregor- it's Scottish for "bull's-eye."
240
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,327
What are we gonna do now?
241
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,701
Well, Roger's clearly committed
to killing us all.
242
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,206
So I'm gonna put him
somewhere he can't hurt us.
243
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,747
[Stan] The Bang Kwang
maximum security prison.
244
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:01,013
No man's ever gotten out alive.
245
00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:19,735
- I feel bad for Roger.
- Don't.
246
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,774
- It was either him or us, and I picked us.
- ##[TV: Program Theme]
247
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:26,140
- Oh, my Godl Breaking news from Asia.
- Oh, no.
248
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,078
An inmate has escaped from
the Bang Kwang prison in Thailand.
249
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:30,876
The prisoner killed
two dozen guards...
250
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,247
then built a boat out of
their corpses to get away.
251
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:34,819
- [Phone Beeping]
- [All Yelp]
252
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,751
[Roger]
You guys watching the news?
253
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:40,553
- How- How did you know?
- Because I'm right behind you.
254
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:42,092
- [Gasps]
- Just kidding.
255
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:43,889
I'm at the Indianapolis airport
on a layover...
256
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,588
watching a Hoosiers game at a bar.
257
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,063
Comin' to kill ya!
258
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:50,101
- We gotta get the hell outta here.
- Where are we gonna go?
259
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:53,069
- [Phone Beeps]
- [Klaus On Recording] Hi. You've reached the Smiths.
260
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,969
- Leave a message.
- [Phone Beeps]
261
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:58,737
Just so you know, there's nowhere on earth
you guys can go where I can't find you.
262
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,335
- Nowhere!
- [Line Beeps]
263
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:06,645
Can I get another iced tea?
Anyone watching this game? It's a blowout.
264
00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,447
You are? Why? It's a blowout.
265
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:10,522
You know what, forget the iced tea.
I'm gonna head to my gate.
266
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,318
[Footsteps]
267
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:17,529
[Woman On P.A.] Flight 32 to
Phoenix is now boarding at Gate 7.
268
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,325
[Footsteps]
269
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,493
[Roger]
Hi. Do you have this week's People?
270
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:27,504
People magazine? This week's?
271
00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:32,641
Sir, wait!
272
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,440
Well, according to this paper...
273
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,812
Smith has sold 10 more magazine
subscriptions than Sanders.
274
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:41,148
- What?
- I guess I have no choice but to let the Smith family...
275
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:45,053
take the Sanders's place
on the space station for the next year.
276
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:52,228
We'll be safe in space. That we know.
277
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,739
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
278
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,404
Oh, no! Oh, no!
279
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,914
[Moans]
Oh, yes.
280
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,987
[Air Lock Doors Open]
281
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,735
[Bell Chimes]
282
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,538
[Monitor: Rhythmic Beeping]
283
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,279
[Yawns]
284
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,075
You think Roger's still looking for us?
285
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:45,742
All I know is we don't have
to worry about it for the next year.
286
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:49,150
Stan, can you please just
put a jumpsuit on like the rest of us?
287
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,621
No can do. Earth Stan is boxers.
288
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,818
Space Stan is panties.
Steve, don't steal glances.
289
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:58,124
If you want to check out my meatballs in
this thing, go right ahead. I'm your dad.
290
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,130
Day Three.
291
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:05,636
Chia Pet 122271:
Three and five-eighths growth.
292
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,205
Fascinating.
293
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:12,209
Permission to apply
Chia Pet Specimen 010874 with alpha paste.
294
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:14,472
Paste application approved.
295
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,048
Steady. Well done.
296
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,516
- Prepare olfactory system for flatulence.
- Flatulence denied.
297
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,383
- [Farts]
- Flatulence has been sent.
298
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,049
Steve, Klaus went to get
more Chia seeds an hour ago.
299
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,388
- Go find him.
- Aye, aye, Captain.
300
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,394
- This isn't a boat.
- It is a ship.
301
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,555
Get out.
302
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,334
Klaus?
303
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,131
Klaus, where are you?
304
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:40,899
[Muffled Shouting]
305
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,301
- Help!
- Klaus?
306
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,072
- Klaus, it's stuck!
- Get away!
307
00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:51,945
It's a trap! He's here!
308
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,251
Steve! Behind you!
309
00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:58,189
[Growls]
310
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:01,985
- [Power Shuts Down]
- [Alarm Beeping]
311
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,324
Stan, what's happening?
312
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,421
Not much.
What's happening with you?
313
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,000
- ##[Europop]
- What is that?
314
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:11,194
Is that Ace of Base? Roger!
315
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,431
[Gasps]
He's here. He's gonna kill us all.
316
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,531
Steve's still out there.
317
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,769
We have to find him
and get off this space station.
318
00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:21,175
Let's split up.
Whoever finds him, radio the others...
319
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,612
and we'll meet up at the escape pod.
320
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:27,083
[Woman]
♪ You're not the one for me ♪
321
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:29,154
##[Chorus Vocalizing]
322
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,154
♪ Is enough enough? ♪
323
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:33,247
[Roger]
♪ I saw the sign ♪
324
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,054
♪ And it opened up my eyes ♪
325
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,718
♪ I saw the sign ♪♪
326
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,992
##[Band Continues]
327
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,637
[Headset: Francine Screaming]
328
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,733
Stan, Roger's gonna get us!
329
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,641
- Where are you?
- We're in the kitchen!
330
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,873
I'm running as fast as I can!
331
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,711
- [Francine, Hayley Screaming]
- [Hissing]
332
00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,413
[Chimes]
333
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,385
- ##[Continues]
- It's gonna be okay, Francine.
334
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,650
I made it to the escape pod.
335
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,726
- I'm safe.
- What?
336
00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,454
Stan, hurry!
We're almost on the ground!
337
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,291
[Francine, Hayley Screaming]
338
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:15,458
- Oh, God! Oh, God!
- [Radio Switches Off]
339
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,694
Well, I did all I could.
340
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,704
[Exclaims]
Fresh panties for the ride home!
341
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:25,241
♪ I saw the sign ♪
342
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:27,175
♪ And it opened up my eyes ♪
343
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:28,974
♪ I saw the sign ♪
344
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:30,207
[Roger]
Ow!
345
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,450
[Growls]
346
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,521
##[Continues, Muffled]
347
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,681
[No Audible Dialogue]
348
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,439
Welcome! And thank you for coming.
349
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:58,237
- Are you gonna kill us now?
- That'd be too easy.
350
00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:01,710
No. You have to feel
the same pain I felt that night.
351
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,476
- So you're gonna roast us?
- No.
352
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,744
You're going to roast each other.
353
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,444
And your zingers better be mean.
354
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,819
If you try any weak sauce,
I'm gonna give you such a zotz.
355
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:12,583
- [Electricity Crackles]
- [Yelps]
356
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:16,127
Now, Stan, roast Hayley.
357
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,162
- [Yelps]
- You feel that zotz?
358
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:21,790
Hayley, you're not very smart,
and you smoke a lot of pot.
359
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:23,697
- Zotz!
- [Yelps] Okay.
360
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,997
Hayley, I secretly wish
you were Benjamin Button...
361
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,232
and you were aging backwards
and your life was almost over.
362
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,706
- Uh-huh! Oh, yeah!
- [Klaus Laughing]
363
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,504
Insults in the form of jokes.
364
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:36,342
How's it feel, Hayley?
Not too bueno, I bet. Okay, now do Steve.
365
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,780
Steve, you will never get laid.
366
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,408
There's nothing attractive about you.
367
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:43,420
You have the sex appeal of the cancer ward
in a pediatric hospital.
368
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,513
Oh-ho-ho.
369
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,024
Hayley coming in with a groaner.
Nice.
370
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,288
Okay, Steve. Let's see you
give it to your mama.
371
00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,959
Mom, you are not smart.
372
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,034
I don't tell
"Yo mama's so dumb" jokes.
373
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,263
I tell "My mama's so dumb" jokes.
Example.
374
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:02,772
My mama's so dumb,
I don't tell "Yo mama's so dumb" jokes.
375
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,435
I tell "My mama's so dumb" jokes.
376
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:09,503
I love it. Francine, take the pain
and throw it right at Stan. Do it!
377
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:13,949
Stan, you have the undeserved ego
of Jeremy Piven...
378
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:17,180
the annoying self-righteousness
of Sean Penn...
379
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:20,520
and the unbearable hypocrisy
of Rush Limbaugh.
380
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:25,723
What I'm trying to say is you're almost
as bad a person as Rachael Ray.
381
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,839
[Chuckling, Laughing]
382
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:38,432
[All Laughing]
383
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,044
Why are you laughing? That wasn't funny.
384
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,446
That's like the meanest thing
anyone's ever said to anyone.
385
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:48,019
What the hell's going on here?
Where's the hurt feelings?
386
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:51,612
Roger, we can say these things
to each other because we're family.
387
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,453
It doesn't hurt my feelings,
because I still know they love me.
388
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,460
Well, your roast hurt my feelings.
389
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,257
Wait a minute.
390
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,161
You don't consider yourself
part of this family, do you?
391
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,928
- No. 'Cause I'm not.
- Are you kidding me?
392
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,369
We tried to throw you a bowling party.
We did the roast you wanted.
393
00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:11,431
If after all this time, you still don't feel
part of this family, it's your hang-up.
394
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,273
Roger, we love you. You're a Smith.
395
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,609
If you can't accept that,
go fuck yourself.
396
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,912
[Cries]
Oh, my God.
397
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:22,680
I am a part of this family.
398
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:26,224
You do love me. I feel it now.
399
00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,852
I'm- I'm letting it wash over me.
400
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:34,456
Look at me. I'm crying like Francine
when she watches Grey's Anatomy.
401
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,729
I just feel so sorry
for those poor actors.
402
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:40,327
- [All Laughing]
- Hey, Roger.
403
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,999
Go take some Euphoria
and rape the data journal.
404
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,779
I've been eyeing it. I'm not gonna lie.
405
00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:54,342
[Sighs]
Fun birthday.
406
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:56,148
[Gagging]
407
00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:01,153
Hey! Never thought I'd see
you dirty bastards again.
408
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,455
Ah! I feel great, cleaned out.
409
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:07,054
All right, who wants 'em next? No one?
410
00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:09,531
Okay, you heard them. Round two, boys.
411
00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:12,331
And make sure this time that you really-
[Groans]
412
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,735
Oh. Oh, you know what you're doing.
413
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:48,772
Bye! Have a beautiful time.
414
00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:52,677
English - US - SDH