00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:07,737 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 2 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,969 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:14,046 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:17,981 ♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪ 5 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:23,982 ♪ Oh, boy it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:27,218 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ [Grunts] 7 00:00:28,895 --> 00:00:31,864 [Chorus] # Good morning, U.S.A. ## 8 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,103 Oh, my God! We've been robbed! 9 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,605 - Come on out, you thieving bastards! - Dad! 10 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,734 Hayley, you were elected family gun shield at the last family meeting. 11 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:46,709 You're also in charge of the Netflix queue. 12 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,110 Just know this. 13 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:50,409 I never don't want to have Kindergarten Cop. 14 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,280 - [Roger Groans] - [Gasps] 15 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,252 - Roger, did you see who did this? - Yeah. I did this. 16 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:57,789 I was looking for clues to where you're throwing my birthday party. 17 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,381 Found nothing, so I took a nap. 18 00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:02,017 Roger, we wanted it to be a surprise. 19 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,096 We're throwing you a bowling party. 20 00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:06,927 Oh, a bowling party. How original. 21 00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,558 Apparently, I'm a 13-year-old Latino kid. 22 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,364 Well, what do you want to do? 23 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:15,066 Something good! I mean, you rented out the amphitheater for Steve's birthday. 24 00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:17,075 We went to a 4 Non Blondes concert. 25 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,974 It's not our fault we were the only ones there. 26 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:22,879 You took Hayley skydiving. Stan got four pairs of jeans. 27 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:26,383 I guess you had to come out of- or regularly visit- Francine's clown hole... 28 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,181 to matter around this place. 29 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:29,983 It is a happening spot. 30 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,785 I want to do something special. 31 00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:34,485 I'm turning 1,601. It's when I hit puberty. 32 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:37,324 Warning. I'm gonna get a lot more sexually aggressive. 33 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,897 - You have any suggestions? - Uh, yeah. 34 00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:41,432 Everyone should avoid wearing loose-fitting shorts around me. 35 00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,434 I'll get in there! Heh! 36 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:46,903 But seriously, I want to do what the greats do when they get celebrated. 37 00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:49,804 - I want a roast. - Roger, do you even know what a roast is? 38 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:53,072 Of course I do. I was a member of the Friars Club in the '60s. 39 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:56,080 I drove Phyllis Diller to two of her first three abortions. 40 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:59,640 She must have such regret, never getting her driver's license. 41 00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,447 I guess we can do that. 42 00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:04,045 We'll dress up nice, throw a few good-natured barbs your way. 43 00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,852 Good-natured? Oh, no. 44 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,859 Don't you dare go light on me. 45 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,692 - The best roasts are brutal and hilarious. - Oh, I think it'll be fun. 46 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,789 You can't participate, Klaus. I hate you. 47 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,130 I say that not out of anger, but simply as a fact. 48 00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,636 It's 67 degrees outside, and I hate you. 49 00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:21,605 Well, if that's what you really want, then of course we'll do it. 50 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,074 Make it so, Fran-cisco. 51 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:26,645 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my bowling league tonight. 52 00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:32,307 [Latino Accent] I'm a-roll a turkey tonight, ese. 53 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,447 Settle down, everyone. Who threw that? 54 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,254 - [Man] Your mother's ass! - [Snaps Fingers] 55 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:45,124 Due to recent financial hardships... 56 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:48,962 the C. I.A. has been forced to take on a corporate sponsor. 57 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,468 That sponsor is Jones Enterprises... 58 00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,562 makers of the Chia Pet. 59 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,573 So from now on, we'll be known as... 60 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,508 the Central Human Intelligence Agency. 61 00:02:58,611 --> 00:03:00,636 [Whirring, Beeping] 62 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:03,477 - Frank. - Just let him go. 63 00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:08,213 The Chia Pet people are sending a C. I.A. family into space for one year... 64 00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:11,290 to see if Chia seeds grow up there. 65 00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:15,987 The dream of an Afro on the moon is within our grasp, people. 66 00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,756 [Man] Looks like your wife's bald! 67 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,355 Kruger, you just got yourself a month in Kabul! 68 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:23,492 Now- [Clears Throat] the agent chosen for this mission... 69 00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:25,662 was not only the most qualified. 70 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:28,673 He also sold the most magazine subscriptions. 71 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:31,938 - Congratulations, Sanders! - [Scattered Applause] 72 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,740 Can't you even smile? 73 00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:35,473 I don't have any friends in space. 74 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,379 You're friends with your sister! 75 00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:43,752 Good evening, and welcome to the Smith family roast of Roger Smith. 76 00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:46,723 Say mean things, Stan! Talk about how he's gray! 77 00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:48,794 You ready, Roger? 78 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,989 Roger is truly one of the most interesting people I know. 79 00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:53,725 He's also a pathetic drug addict. 80 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,801 - [Chuckling] - Ho, ho! 81 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,893 I'm gonna read a list of different drugs. 82 00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,939 And, Roger, if you hear one you're not on right now, raise your hand. 83 00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,435 Cocaine. Heroin. 84 00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:05,067 Ecstasy. Crack. 85 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,770 OxyContin. Meth. 86 00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:09,006 Steroids. Cooked-down Afrin. 87 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:11,549 Euphoria, the fake drug from 90210. 88 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,619 [Laughing] 89 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,417 Okay. Next, I'd like to introduce a woman who is in a rare group for Roger... 90 00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:20,822 - one who hasn't penetrated him with a strap-on. - Ho-ho! 91 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,952 Let's hear it for Francine Smith. 92 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:27,060 [Chuckling] Thank you, Stan. 93 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,600 Roger, you're the most disgusting... 94 00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:32,796 out-of-shape piece of shit I've ever met in my life. 95 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,770 And I know Sammy Hagar. 96 00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:37,866 [All Guffawing] 97 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:42,112 A few years ago, we thought it would be a good idea... 98 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:45,378 to get Roger a checking account to teach him responsibility. 99 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,009 Here's what old Rog did. 100 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:51,523 - Here's check 001, the only check Roger ever wrote. - [Stan Laughs] 101 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:56,391 Please note that in the date line, he's written "Today comma 1783." 102 00:04:56,496 --> 00:05:01,661 It's made out for the amount of $72 million, and it's payable to "Drugs." 103 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:04,362 In the memo line, it says "For Drugs, yo." 104 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,165 And it's signed "John Travolta." 105 00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:08,740 [Howling, Laughing] 106 00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:13,641 Anyway, this was the only check he ever wrote. 107 00:05:13,746 --> 00:05:15,179 The rest of the checks have holes in them... 108 00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:18,079 because Roger got drunk and raped them. 109 00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:21,483 [Others Laughing] 110 00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,285 Roger's June 4 diary entry. 111 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,483 It says "Million-dollar ideas." 112 00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:30,221 - And under it, it reads, "Diarrhea equals Rhea Perlman." - [Stan, Laughing] No! 113 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,992 The rest of the pages have holes in them because he raped them. 114 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:34,999 [Others Laughing] 115 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,695 [Chuckling] 116 00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:40,170 All right, it's time to hear from the man of the hour. 117 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,173 Roger, you drunk, lazy cocksucker. 118 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,766 Get the waiter's dick out of your mouth and get up here. 119 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,907 [Applause Continues] 120 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,281 [Stops] 121 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:55,354 Why? Why would you do this? 122 00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,582 What- What did I ever do to any of you... 123 00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:00,853 to make you say those incredibly hurtful things? 124 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,655 Are you serious? 125 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:04,389 Does it look like I'm not serious? 126 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,192 Roger, this is what you asked for. 127 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,325 You stay away from me, Francine. All of you stay away from me. 128 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:12,495 This has been the worst night of my entire life! 129 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,903 [Sobbing] 130 00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:23,548 - Morning. - Roger, where have you been? 131 00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,344 We haven't seen you in days. 132 00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,214 Getting my life together. That's where. 133 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,880 Those comments you made the other night resonated in me... 134 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,820 and I decided it was time for a change. 135 00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:35,052 We didn't say those things so you'd change. We were just poking fun. 136 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:38,927 Well, the person you described in graphic detail and in decent joke form... 137 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,760 is not someone I want to be. 138 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,562 I got a job at a bank... 139 00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:45,068 which should address the monetary problems Hayley pointed out. 140 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,036 And I'm also three days' sober. 141 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,404 Stan, thank you for that very loud wake-up call. 142 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,204 Who's that positive girl with you? 143 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:54,871 This is Ally, my life coach. She also works at Jumbo Juice. 144 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,609 She gave me a fiber boost. Then she gave me a life boost. 145 00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:01,676 [Shrieking Laugh] 146 00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:04,018 - [Exclaims] - She has weird energy, doesn't she? 147 00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,818 She also made me a goal list. 148 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:09,383 This is the first piece of paper I haven't sexually assaulted in years. 149 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:12,191 So you're not mad at us anymore? 150 00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:14,323 God, no. You saved my life. 151 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,164 Okay. Because you were madder than we've ever seen you. 152 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:21,001 - And you do have a history of holding grudges. - What? No, I don't. 153 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,836 You wrote death threats to Merlin Olsen... 154 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,172 for seven years after Father Murphy was canceled. 155 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,973 He was just the star, Roger. 156 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,206 That was the old me. I'm done with all that. 157 00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:31,613 By the way, Merlin had a producer credit the second season. 158 00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:33,412 He could have done something. 159 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,883 I'm off for a little night run at the Howard University track. 160 00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:42,256 - Sit down and have dinner first. - Thank you, no. 161 00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:46,127 I'm going for a run, and I have to leave here right now, immediately. 162 00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,996 [Klaus] Guys, get in here! The porn channel's coming in for some reason. 163 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:52,530 - ##['70s Funk] - Nice. 164 00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:56,606 - [All Coughing, Gasping] - Is everyone okay? 165 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,336 Did we lose the porn? 166 00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,036 There must have been a gas leak. 167 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,738 We could've all been killed. 168 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:04,612 You know, Roger sure did leave in a hurry. 169 00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:08,778 You- You don't think Roger had something to do with the explosion? 170 00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:10,685 Because of the roast? Guys, you heard him. 171 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,519 We inspired him to better himself. 172 00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,616 Still, to be safe, we should follow him... 173 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:17,719 you know, just to see if he's doing all the things he says he is. 174 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:24,227 And 300. Have a good one. 175 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:28,706 Hey, Liz, I'm thinking about going to Nordstrom's at lunch. 176 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:32,505 You want to grab a sandwich and walk around Nordstrom's at lunch, Elizabeth? 177 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:40,818 [Panting] 178 00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:51,654 You know, the other day, I took a walk down to George C. Scott Park... 179 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:53,391 right when the sun was going down. 180 00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,091 You know how that time is like. 181 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,260 Sun's throwing shadows and all. 182 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,464 It got me thinking about when I was a young man sitting in that park... 183 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:04,270 you know, watching the girls, smoking a little herb, drinking a cold beer. 184 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:08,211 And I had this moment when I wanted to feel that way again. 185 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,948 But I didn't get high. 186 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,575 Instead, I went home and watched The Wire. 187 00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,483 That's where this speech is from. 188 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,283 Thanks for letting me share. 189 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,756 [Family Laughing] 190 00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:26,764 You guys thought I tried to kill you? Hilarious! 191 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,494 [All Laughing] 192 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,537 It's- It's so therapeutic to laugh. 193 00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,469 Hey, does anyone have the exact time? 194 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,269 - 8:04. - Thank you, my love. 195 00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,933 Ow, ow. 196 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:40,137 My running regimen is killing my lower back. 197 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,577 I got to lie down. 198 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,911 - [Machine Gun Fire] - [Francine Gasps] 199 00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:46,985 You guys can get up now! It's definitely over! 200 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:52,251 You were right. Someone is trying to kill us. 201 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,656 Let's get out of here! Get in the car. Let's go. 202 00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:58,322 [Tires Screeching] 203 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,126 I think we're safe. 204 00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:02,723 Quick thinking back there, Roger. Roger? 205 00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:03,995 [No Audible Dialogue] 206 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,832 Roger might be trying to kill us. 207 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:07,764 And we have no brakes. 208 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,410 - [Pedestrians Screaming] - [Horns Honking] 209 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,607 [Air Hissing] 210 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:23,718 - Wow! This is a really safe car. - Of course it is, Son. 211 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,815 The new Chevy Tumbler has driver- and passenger-side air bags... 212 00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,326 as well as head curtain-side impact air bags. 213 00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,123 Plus an all-new third row of seats... 214 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,892 and OnStar with a one-year Safe & Sound Plan. 215 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,594 - [Bell Dings] - [Woman] This is OnStar. Is everything okay, Mr. Smith? 216 00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,602 Everything's fine, Elaine. Thank you. 217 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,672 Who the fuck is Elaine, Stan? 218 00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:44,774 [Singing Along To Stereo] ♪ I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes ♪ 219 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,402 ♪ I saw the sign-♪ You're alive! 220 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,815 - So you are pissed about the roast. - You're damn right I am! 221 00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:53,942 - ## [Stops] - You guys all got up and insulted me... 222 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,680 in the meanest way possible. 223 00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,689 - And you were all laughing. - Yeah, that's a roast. 224 00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,656 - Roger. - It's too late! 225 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,751 A switch went off inside me that night. 226 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:05,194 And now all I think about is killing you guys. 227 00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:08,630 That's been my real goal all along. 228 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,429 My first few attempts failed. 229 00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,800 So I'm changing my approach- gonna get more creative. 230 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:16,671 Nothing set in stone, although I'm pretty sure these scorpions are going in Steve's butt. 231 00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:20,007 They're rare butt-hole eating scorpions, and they cost me 2,000 bucks each. 232 00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:23,309 But then I'm not very good with money, am I, Hayley? 233 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,179 Roger, you need to stop this now! 234 00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,218 I'm never gonna stop. 235 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,787 [Both Grunting, Groaning] 236 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,591 [Gasps] 237 00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,688 Nice shot, Steve. 238 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:38,923 Every shot's a nice shot with a McGregor tranq gun. 239 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:42,159 [Scottish Accent] McGregor- it's Scottish for "bull's-eye." 240 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,327 What are we gonna do now? 241 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,701 Well, Roger's clearly committed to killing us all. 242 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,206 So I'm gonna put him somewhere he can't hurt us. 243 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,747 [Stan] The Bang Kwang maximum security prison. 244 00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:01,013 No man's ever gotten out alive. 245 00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:19,735 - I feel bad for Roger. - Don't. 246 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,774 - It was either him or us, and I picked us. - ##[TV: Program Theme] 247 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:26,140 - Oh, my Godl Breaking news from Asia. - Oh, no. 248 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,078 An inmate has escaped from the Bang Kwang prison in Thailand. 249 00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:30,876 The prisoner killed two dozen guards... 250 00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,247 then built a boat out of their corpses to get away. 251 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:34,819 - [Phone Beeping] - [All Yelp] 252 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,751 [Roger] You guys watching the news? 253 00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:40,553 - How- How did you know? - Because I'm right behind you. 254 00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:42,092 - [Gasps] - Just kidding. 255 00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:43,889 I'm at the Indianapolis airport on a layover... 256 00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,588 watching a Hoosiers game at a bar. 257 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,063 Comin' to kill ya! 258 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:50,101 - We gotta get the hell outta here. - Where are we gonna go? 259 00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:53,069 - [Phone Beeps] - [Klaus On Recording] Hi. You've reached the Smiths. 260 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,969 - Leave a message. - [Phone Beeps] 261 00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:58,737 Just so you know, there's nowhere on earth you guys can go where I can't find you. 262 00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,335 - Nowhere! - [Line Beeps] 263 00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:06,645 Can I get another iced tea? Anyone watching this game? It's a blowout. 264 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,447 You are? Why? It's a blowout. 265 00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:10,522 You know what, forget the iced tea. I'm gonna head to my gate. 266 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,318 [Footsteps] 267 00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:17,529 [Woman On P.A.] Flight 32 to Phoenix is now boarding at Gate 7. 268 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,325 [Footsteps] 269 00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,493 [Roger] Hi. Do you have this week's People? 270 00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:27,504 People magazine? This week's? 271 00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:32,641 Sir, wait! 272 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,440 Well, according to this paper... 273 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,812 Smith has sold 10 more magazine subscriptions than Sanders. 274 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:41,148 - What? - I guess I have no choice but to let the Smith family... 275 00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:45,053 take the Sanders's place on the space station for the next year. 276 00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:52,228 We'll be safe in space. That we know. 277 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,739 Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! 278 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,404 Oh, no! Oh, no! 279 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,914 [Moans] Oh, yes. 280 00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,987 [Air Lock Doors Open] 281 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,735 [Bell Chimes] 282 00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,538 [Monitor: Rhythmic Beeping] 283 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,279 [Yawns] 284 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,075 You think Roger's still looking for us? 285 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:45,742 All I know is we don't have to worry about it for the next year. 286 00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:49,150 Stan, can you please just put a jumpsuit on like the rest of us? 287 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,621 No can do. Earth Stan is boxers. 288 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,818 Space Stan is panties. Steve, don't steal glances. 289 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:58,124 If you want to check out my meatballs in this thing, go right ahead. I'm your dad. 290 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,130 Day Three. 291 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:05,636 Chia Pet 122271: Three and five-eighths growth. 292 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,205 Fascinating. 293 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:12,209 Permission to apply Chia Pet Specimen 010874 with alpha paste. 294 00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:14,472 Paste application approved. 295 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,048 Steady. Well done. 296 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,516 - Prepare olfactory system for flatulence. - Flatulence denied. 297 00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,383 - [Farts] - Flatulence has been sent. 298 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,049 Steve, Klaus went to get more Chia seeds an hour ago. 299 00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,388 - Go find him. - Aye, aye, Captain. 300 00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,394 - This isn't a boat. - It is a ship. 301 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,555 Get out. 302 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,334 Klaus? 303 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,131 Klaus, where are you? 304 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:40,899 [Muffled Shouting] 305 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,301 - Help! - Klaus? 306 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,072 - Klaus, it's stuck! - Get away! 307 00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:51,945 It's a trap! He's here! 308 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,251 Steve! Behind you! 309 00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:58,189 [Growls] 310 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:01,985 - [Power Shuts Down] - [Alarm Beeping] 311 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,324 Stan, what's happening? 312 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,421 Not much. What's happening with you? 313 00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,000 - ##[Europop] - What is that? 314 00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:11,194 Is that Ace of Base? Roger! 315 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,431 [Gasps] He's here. He's gonna kill us all. 316 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,531 Steve's still out there. 317 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,769 We have to find him and get off this space station. 318 00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:21,175 Let's split up. Whoever finds him, radio the others... 319 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,612 and we'll meet up at the escape pod. 320 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:27,083 [Woman] ♪ You're not the one for me ♪ 321 00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:29,154 ##[Chorus Vocalizing] 322 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,154 ♪ Is enough enough? ♪ 323 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:33,247 [Roger] ♪ I saw the sign ♪ 324 00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,054 ♪ And it opened up my eyes ♪ 325 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,718 ♪ I saw the sign ♪♪ 326 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,992 ##[Band Continues] 327 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,637 [Headset: Francine Screaming] 328 00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,733 Stan, Roger's gonna get us! 329 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,641 - Where are you? - We're in the kitchen! 330 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,873 I'm running as fast as I can! 331 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,711 - [Francine, Hayley Screaming] - [Hissing] 332 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:01,413 [Chimes] 333 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,385 - ##[Continues] - It's gonna be okay, Francine. 334 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,650 I made it to the escape pod. 335 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,726 - I'm safe. - What? 336 00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,454 Stan, hurry! We're almost on the ground! 337 00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,291 [Francine, Hayley Screaming] 338 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:15,458 - Oh, God! Oh, God! - [Radio Switches Off] 339 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,694 Well, I did all I could. 340 00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,704 [Exclaims] Fresh panties for the ride home! 341 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:25,241 ♪ I saw the sign ♪ 342 00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:27,175 ♪ And it opened up my eyes ♪ 343 00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:28,974 ♪ I saw the sign ♪ 344 00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:30,207 [Roger] Ow! 345 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,450 [Growls] 346 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,521 ##[Continues, Muffled] 347 00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,681 [No Audible Dialogue] 348 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,439 Welcome! And thank you for coming. 349 00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:58,237 - Are you gonna kill us now? - That'd be too easy. 350 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:01,710 No. You have to feel the same pain I felt that night. 351 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,476 - So you're gonna roast us? - No. 352 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,744 You're going to roast each other. 353 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,444 And your zingers better be mean. 354 00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,819 If you try any weak sauce, I'm gonna give you such a zotz. 355 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:12,583 - [Electricity Crackles] - [Yelps] 356 00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:16,127 Now, Stan, roast Hayley. 357 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,162 - [Yelps] - You feel that zotz? 358 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:21,790 Hayley, you're not very smart, and you smoke a lot of pot. 359 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:23,697 - Zotz! - [Yelps] Okay. 360 00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,997 Hayley, I secretly wish you were Benjamin Button... 361 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,232 and you were aging backwards and your life was almost over. 362 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,706 - Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! - [Klaus Laughing] 363 00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,504 Insults in the form of jokes. 364 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:36,342 How's it feel, Hayley? Not too bueno, I bet. Okay, now do Steve. 365 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,780 Steve, you will never get laid. 366 00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,408 There's nothing attractive about you. 367 00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:43,420 You have the sex appeal of the cancer ward in a pediatric hospital. 368 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,513 Oh-ho-ho. 369 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,024 Hayley coming in with a groaner. Nice. 370 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,288 Okay, Steve. Let's see you give it to your mama. 371 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,959 Mom, you are not smart. 372 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,034 I don't tell "Yo mama's so dumb" jokes. 373 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,263 I tell "My mama's so dumb" jokes. Example. 374 00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:02,772 My mama's so dumb, I don't tell "Yo mama's so dumb" jokes. 375 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,435 I tell "My mama's so dumb" jokes. 376 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:09,503 I love it. Francine, take the pain and throw it right at Stan. Do it! 377 00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:13,949 Stan, you have the undeserved ego of Jeremy Piven... 378 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:17,180 the annoying self-righteousness of Sean Penn... 379 00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:20,520 and the unbearable hypocrisy of Rush Limbaugh. 380 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:25,723 What I'm trying to say is you're almost as bad a person as Rachael Ray. 381 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,839 [Chuckling, Laughing] 382 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:38,432 [All Laughing] 383 00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,044 Why are you laughing? That wasn't funny. 384 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,446 That's like the meanest thing anyone's ever said to anyone. 385 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:48,019 What the hell's going on here? Where's the hurt feelings? 386 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:51,612 Roger, we can say these things to each other because we're family. 387 00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:54,453 It doesn't hurt my feelings, because I still know they love me. 388 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,460 Well, your roast hurt my feelings. 389 00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,257 Wait a minute. 390 00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,161 You don't consider yourself part of this family, do you? 391 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,928 - No. 'Cause I'm not. - Are you kidding me? 392 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,369 We tried to throw you a bowling party. We did the roast you wanted. 393 00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:11,431 If after all this time, you still don't feel part of this family, it's your hang-up. 394 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,273 Roger, we love you. You're a Smith. 395 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,609 If you can't accept that, go fuck yourself. 396 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,912 [Cries] Oh, my God. 397 00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:22,680 I am a part of this family. 398 00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:26,224 You do love me. I feel it now. 399 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:29,852 I'm- I'm letting it wash over me. 400 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:34,456 Look at me. I'm crying like Francine when she watches Grey's Anatomy. 401 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,729 I just feel so sorry for those poor actors. 402 00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:40,327 - [All Laughing] - Hey, Roger. 403 00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,999 Go take some Euphoria and rape the data journal. 404 00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,779 I've been eyeing it. I'm not gonna lie. 405 00:20:52,351 --> 00:20:54,342 [Sighs] Fun birthday. 406 00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:56,148 [Gagging] 407 00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:01,153 Hey! Never thought I'd see you dirty bastards again. 408 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,455 Ah! I feel great, cleaned out. 409 00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:07,054 All right, who wants 'em next? No one? 410 00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:09,531 Okay, you heard them. Round two, boys. 411 00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:12,331 And make sure this time that you really- [Groans] 412 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,735 Oh. Oh, you know what you're doing. 413 00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:48,772 Bye! Have a beautiful time. 414 00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:52,677 English - US - SDH