1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:01,721 --> 00:00:04,937
FXX presents Archer 1999.
2
00:00:09,201 --> 00:00:12,204
Cyril: Now that doesn't look right.
3
00:00:12,247 --> 00:00:15,837
Why am I looking at a black hole?
You know I hate those.
4
00:00:15,872 --> 00:00:17,426
Yeah, we're nowhere near
where we're supposed to be.
5
00:00:17,470 --> 00:00:19,733
Well, maybe we should find
the navigator
6
00:00:19,776 --> 00:00:22,752
- and throw something at him.
- Wait, I'm the... hey!
7
00:00:22,787 --> 00:00:25,564
- Seriously?
- Sorry, I didn't have anything heavier.
8
00:00:25,565 --> 00:00:27,654
Also there's that.
9
00:00:29,874 --> 00:00:33,051
That is the most evil thing
I've ever seen.
10
00:00:33,094 --> 00:00:36,097
This isn't my fault.
I didn't enter these coordinates.
11
00:00:36,141 --> 00:00:39,927
That thing summoned us
out of hyperspace.
12
00:00:41,102 --> 00:00:44,976
Well, don't just stand there
gawping like stunned space elk.
13
00:00:45,019 --> 00:00:47,065
Go see if there's anything
worth salvaging.
14
00:00:47,108 --> 00:00:50,197
You want us to walk into a thing
that might as well have
15
00:00:50,198 --> 00:00:51,895
"imminent death"
written on the side?
16
00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:55,641
Well...
Since we're here.
17
00:00:57,075 --> 00:01:01,122
Yep, and nothing terrible
ever happens in a place like this.
18
00:01:01,166 --> 00:01:02,601
Hmm, I'm not finding much.
19
00:01:02,602 --> 00:01:05,431
Just a bunch of hallways
that meet up over there.
20
00:01:05,474 --> 00:01:08,782
Ooh, I'm picking up large
amounts of organic compounds!
21
00:01:08,825 --> 00:01:10,784
Aww, but no moisture,
22
00:01:10,827 --> 00:01:14,962
- which only makes sense if it's...
- A giant field of old, dead aliens?
23
00:01:15,006 --> 00:01:19,053
- Or an army of space mummies.
- Uh, look up circuit-dick.
24
00:01:19,097 --> 00:01:24,671
Oh, well, technically I'm correct
if they stand up...
25
00:01:25,067 --> 00:01:28,409
- ...now! Right now.
- Instead of trying to raise the dead,
26
00:01:28,410 --> 00:01:30,063
why don't we just find something shiny
27
00:01:30,064 --> 00:01:34,057
and get the heck out of here?
Cyril, find anything?
28
00:01:34,092 --> 00:01:36,592
Well, it looks like there
are two kinds of aliens.
29
00:01:36,636 --> 00:01:41,597
Heavily armored and seems like
they've been here for eons.
30
00:01:41,641 --> 00:01:43,294
Ah!
31
00:01:43,295 --> 00:01:45,993
Dead... alien... in...
32
00:01:46,037 --> 00:01:49,186
my... lungs.
33
00:01:49,221 --> 00:01:51,172
Whoa-ho!
Cool!
34
00:01:54,393 --> 00:01:56,873
We've decoded
the writing on the outside
35
00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:00,398
- and it seemed... relevant.
- Relevant how?
36
00:02:00,399 --> 00:02:03,228
Well, as far as we can tell,
it's one phrase
37
00:02:03,229 --> 00:02:06,057
translated into a
dozen ancient languages.
38
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,298
"Beware. End of life."
39
00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:11,844
"Beware. End of life."
Any-hoo...
40
00:02:11,845 --> 00:02:15,326
- Now I kind of wish we'd worn helmets.
- Time to go. Cyril, Pam.
41
00:02:15,327 --> 00:02:17,372
Ha-ha!
42
00:02:17,416 --> 00:02:20,810
Bring me the biggest goose
in all of London!
43
00:02:24,205 --> 00:02:26,033
Well, hello.
44
00:02:26,077 --> 00:02:30,081
I'm Mr. Deadly,
and I'm coming with you.
45
00:02:30,124 --> 00:02:32,213
And if we don't take you?
46
00:02:36,217 --> 00:02:39,264
Written right on the side.
47
00:03:14,343 --> 00:03:17,426
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ MY-SUBS.com ~
48
00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:25,807
Could you say that
one more time?
49
00:03:25,850 --> 00:03:28,026
- Bring me the biggest goo...
- Not you!
50
00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:29,770
I'm a sentient doomsday device
51
00:03:29,811 --> 00:03:32,988
created by an extinct alien race
but never used.
52
00:03:33,031 --> 00:03:36,252
Wait, never used?
What about all those bodies?
53
00:03:45,609 --> 00:03:48,830
Well, hello.
I'm Mr. Deadly.
54
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,092
Typical.
55
00:03:51,093 --> 00:03:54,052
I didn't kill them.
They died fighting over me.
56
00:03:54,096 --> 00:03:55,618
But you gestured threateningly.
57
00:03:55,619 --> 00:03:57,360
I've been alone
for thousands of years,
58
00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:01,712
so my nonverbal communication
skills are a bit rusty.
59
00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:05,760
- So wait, are you a weapon or not?
- As I said, doomsday device.
60
00:04:05,803 --> 00:04:08,153
Designed by a race
to whom mutual destruction
61
00:04:08,197 --> 00:04:09,897
was preferable to defeat.
62
00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:12,636
I was hidden away
on the edge of space,
63
00:04:12,679 --> 00:04:16,596
but the war I was created
to end in fiery apotheosis
64
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,988
concluded without me.
65
00:04:17,989 --> 00:04:21,819
So there I remained,
my only companions
66
00:04:21,863 --> 00:04:27,607
- the velvety dark and solitude itself.
- And then?
67
00:04:27,651 --> 00:04:30,872
I got bored, so I nabbed you
lot out of hyperspace
68
00:04:30,915 --> 00:04:32,874
to help me explode,
at which point
69
00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:35,877
I'll atomize a few dozen
solar systems.
70
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,096
Who else is turned on right now?
71
00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:39,313
- Always on.
- Not at all.
72
00:04:39,348 --> 00:04:43,205
Am I to understand that
we brought a giant bomb
73
00:04:43,206 --> 00:04:47,736
onto the ship because you
misunderstood its gestures?
74
00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:49,846
Yeah, keep working on it, buddy.
75
00:04:49,847 --> 00:04:51,849
Now, with that out of the way,
76
00:04:51,893 --> 00:04:55,398
would you say
"Please detonate"?
77
00:04:56,419 --> 00:04:58,785
Plea...
78
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,860
Keep little Miss Death Wish
confined here until we decide
79
00:05:02,904 --> 00:05:04,949
what to do with that
walking apocalypse.
80
00:05:04,993 --> 00:05:08,213
So we're just supposed to sit
here and twiddle our thumbs?
81
00:05:08,257 --> 00:05:10,215
I'm sure what you do
with your thumbs
82
00:05:10,259 --> 00:05:12,391
is entirely your business.
83
00:05:14,132 --> 00:05:16,482
- Yeah, just see the silently.
- That'll show her.
84
00:05:16,526 --> 00:05:19,267
- Well, you're stuck here, too.
- I'm always stuck here.
85
00:05:20,965 --> 00:05:21,704
What?!
86
00:05:21,705 --> 00:05:24,882
I'm just laughing
at how little they respect you.
87
00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:27,624
God, I need a drink.
88
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:31,671
It looks like The Artifact
sealed itself up after you left.
89
00:05:31,715 --> 00:05:35,675
- So we're stuck with you, huh?
- Yes. Though I can't trigger myself,
90
00:05:35,719 --> 00:05:39,799
I would like to explode
at the earliest opportunity.
91
00:05:40,419 --> 00:05:43,683
Go right ahead!
If killed, I blow up automatically.
92
00:05:43,727 --> 00:05:46,077
Sort of obvious,
when you think about it.
93
00:05:46,121 --> 00:05:49,689
So you lived your entire life
on that thing, right?
94
00:05:49,733 --> 00:05:51,778
You've never experienced anything?
95
00:05:51,822 --> 00:05:54,694
I could access all
the information in the galaxy.
96
00:05:54,738 --> 00:05:56,217
But I suppose you're right.
97
00:05:56,218 --> 00:05:58,866
I didn't directly experience
any of it.
98
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:01,247
Aww.
You must be horny as shit.
99
00:06:01,282 --> 00:06:04,747
- The sole aim of my being is to explode.
- Been there, buddy.
100
00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:06,706
We get it.
You wanna explode.
101
00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:09,274
But if you experience some
stuff, then explode,
102
00:06:09,318 --> 00:06:10,753
you'd get the best of both worlds.
103
00:06:10,754 --> 00:06:13,148
Maybe you won't want
to explode at all.
104
00:06:13,191 --> 00:06:16,107
Unlikely, but intriguing.
It is settled.
105
00:06:16,151 --> 00:06:19,725
I shall experience...
some stuff!
106
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,443
Excellent.
Laki Station is nearby.
107
00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:25,900
It's a cargo depot,
but it has its share of diversions.
108
00:06:25,943 --> 00:06:28,597
I'm just glad I won't have to look
at that thing anymore.
109
00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:30,298
What is it with you and black holes?
110
00:06:30,339 --> 00:06:33,736
- Ever heard of spaghettification?
- Oh, yeah, I did that once!
111
00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:37,172
Man, we went everywhere,
nothing but sauce and starch.
112
00:06:37,215 --> 00:06:38,302
Nom-nom-nom-nom.
113
00:06:38,303 --> 00:06:41,785
- I put on 20 pounds.
- Pam, not spaghetti vacation!
114
00:06:41,828 --> 00:06:43,743
I'm talking about
the scientific term
115
00:06:43,787 --> 00:06:45,963
for being sucked through
a black hole's event horizon
116
00:06:46,007 --> 00:06:48,444
and being stretched into
a thin strip of matter,
117
00:06:48,487 --> 00:06:51,273
screaming for eternity
because of time dilation.
118
00:06:51,316 --> 00:06:53,666
"Spaghettification!"
119
00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:56,452
We called ours "Pastafari."
120
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,436
Ahh! What are you doing
in my inner sanct...
121
00:07:05,437 --> 00:07:08,614
room where I sit quietly
and do nothing suspicious?
122
00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:11,138
You come here to dream
of electric sheep?
123
00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:13,488
Don't be a Dick.
Androids can't dream.
124
00:07:13,532 --> 00:07:15,273
But we do think real hard
about them.
125
00:07:15,316 --> 00:07:17,492
And make illegal
experimental weapons
126
00:07:17,536 --> 00:07:19,451
using our ship's supplies?
127
00:07:19,494 --> 00:07:21,194
What?
No, that's not...
128
00:07:21,235 --> 00:07:24,456
Laki Station is notorious
for black market deals.
129
00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:26,240
I may just have a plan.
130
00:07:26,284 --> 00:07:28,155
- Stop that!
- Oh, sorry.
131
00:07:28,199 --> 00:07:32,771
I was just... electric sheep.
Like, do they plug in?
132
00:07:32,926 --> 00:07:36,631
My word.
I knew the life cycle of a cow,
133
00:07:36,675 --> 00:07:40,417
the atomic structure of sucrose,
but the experience!
134
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,420
Yeah, well, ice cream is good.
135
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,335
Not that good.
136
00:07:44,378 --> 00:07:46,293
Unless you've got one
that's foreplay flavored.
137
00:07:46,337 --> 00:07:48,339
- Do they have that?
- No.
138
00:07:48,382 --> 00:07:49,730
And let's keep it simple for now.
139
00:07:49,731 --> 00:07:51,210
I hear they have
a greenhouse that might
140
00:07:51,211 --> 00:07:54,561
- be fun to walk through.
- Good grief, there's more than this?
141
00:07:54,562 --> 00:07:57,085
Yay, plants.
So what's the plan here?
142
00:07:57,086 --> 00:07:58,827
Stuff him in a cargo hold
and bug out?
143
00:07:58,871 --> 00:08:01,439
No! Then he just blows up
a bunch of other people.
144
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,178
We can make this work.
145
00:08:03,179 --> 00:08:05,138
If we just find something
he likes enough to live for.
146
00:08:05,181 --> 00:08:07,662
Oh, my God, you always
have to fix people, don't you?
147
00:08:07,706 --> 00:08:09,490
This is why our marriage
didn't work!
148
00:08:09,534 --> 00:08:10,969
Really?
It wasn't the fact
149
00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:13,277
that you slept with everything
on two legs?
150
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,494
Hm... not always two.
151
00:08:16,574 --> 00:08:18,706
This is a disaster.
152
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:19,924
There's only two people here!
153
00:08:19,925 --> 00:08:23,057
- Didn't you pass out the brochures?
- I did not.
154
00:08:23,058 --> 00:08:24,711
But the mix tape doesn't make
any sense without...
155
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:28,586
- Oh, my God.
- You didn't send the mix tape?
156
00:08:28,629 --> 00:08:30,325
♪ Sometimes you want to have fun ♪
157
00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:31,849
♪ Have fun ♪
158
00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:34,592
♪ Sometimes you just
need a gun, blap-blap ♪
159
00:08:34,785 --> 00:08:36,874
The arms game
is about connections,
160
00:08:36,918 --> 00:08:39,964
not your quasi-musical
cry for help.
161
00:08:40,008 --> 00:08:42,837
This is all window dressing anyway.
162
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,839
This is bush league right here.
163
00:08:44,882 --> 00:08:46,361
- Thank you!
- Yeah.
164
00:08:46,362 --> 00:08:48,582
Hey, after this,
let's hit the dead drop
165
00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:50,919
- and then space taco.
- Mm, def.
166
00:08:50,954 --> 00:08:52,847
Oh, my God!
Are you guys spies?
167
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:54,238
Oh, my God, yell it out, hello.
168
00:08:54,239 --> 00:08:55,805
Got it!
Do you guys have, like,
169
00:08:55,806 --> 00:08:58,548
an internship or something?
I'm very sneaky!
170
00:08:58,592 --> 00:09:01,029
- Mm-hmm.
- I see you two have an eye.
171
00:09:01,072 --> 00:09:02,725
Let me show you the latest.
172
00:09:02,726 --> 00:09:05,250
Only for my special
customers, you understand.
173
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:07,992
Yeah, well, we are pretty special.
174
00:09:08,036 --> 00:09:10,647
The PlasmoblastChaos Edition!
175
00:09:10,691 --> 00:09:11,952
Hold down the trigger,
176
00:09:11,953 --> 00:09:14,825
and it fires at wildly
unpredictable intervals!
177
00:09:14,869 --> 00:09:17,001
- Why?
- Revenge Body Armor!
178
00:09:17,045 --> 00:09:19,961
When hit, it auto-injects you
with painkillers
179
00:09:20,004 --> 00:09:23,093
- and rage-inducing pharmaceuticals!
- Why...
180
00:09:23,094 --> 00:09:26,663
And finally, my magnum opus.
181
00:09:26,707 --> 00:09:28,709
The personalized,
identity-locked
182
00:09:28,752 --> 00:09:31,798
- temporary singularity grenade.
- That all sounds...
183
00:09:31,799 --> 00:09:33,321
- So dumb.
- Thank you.
184
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,150
What's dumb about
a temporary black hole
185
00:09:35,193 --> 00:09:37,674
that sucks everything into it,
then teleports itself
186
00:09:37,718 --> 00:09:39,240
to a random location in the galaxy?
187
00:09:39,241 --> 00:09:40,720
All of the words that you said
188
00:09:40,721 --> 00:09:42,809
- in the order that you said them.
- And we're out.
189
00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:46,116
If I may step in...
these are only the appetizers.
190
00:09:46,117 --> 00:09:49,251
I do in fact have access
to a weapon of great power.
191
00:09:49,294 --> 00:09:51,645
- What, a fart cannon?
- Actually, I have one...
192
00:09:51,688 --> 00:09:55,736
No, something else.
A doomsday device.
193
00:09:55,779 --> 00:09:58,826
The butterfly.
A remarkable illustration
194
00:09:58,869 --> 00:10:01,742
of the capacity of living things...
195
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:03,485
- to change.
- Cool.
196
00:10:03,526 --> 00:10:05,633
Hey, is that something you
think you might be able to...
197
00:10:05,668 --> 00:10:08,096
- What's going on, bud?
- Oh, I'm conversing
198
00:10:08,097 --> 00:10:10,706
with the butterfly
via pheromones.
199
00:10:10,707 --> 00:10:12,709
I just asked it to say,"Please detonate."
200
00:10:12,753 --> 00:10:14,929
I thought you weren't
gonna try to explode!
201
00:10:14,972 --> 00:10:16,713
That's not... anything I said.
202
00:10:16,757 --> 00:10:18,628
Anyway, it was a hard pass.
203
00:10:18,672 --> 00:10:21,500
Much more foul-mouthed
than I expected.
204
00:10:21,544 --> 00:10:24,416
Same to you, you bastard!
205
00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:25,982
Well, I guess we're safe.
206
00:10:25,983 --> 00:10:28,507
Until he finds a fruit fly
with a death wish.
207
00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:31,685
So... would you be interested?
208
00:10:31,728 --> 00:10:35,253
Or, you can shoot plasma bolts
at semi-random intervals.
209
00:10:35,297 --> 00:10:36,601
Ka-kow!
210
00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:38,517
Ka-ka-kow!
211
00:10:38,561 --> 00:10:42,263
- I'll take doomsday.
- Ka-kow!
212
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,890
- What do you mean, "No?"
- The accepted opposite of, "Yes"?
213
00:10:47,934 --> 00:10:51,241
So we're not selling Mr. Deadly now?
Won't those spies be angry?
214
00:10:51,242 --> 00:10:54,245
And more importantly,
how does this affect our mix tape?
215
00:10:54,288 --> 00:10:55,988
Selling him would solve
all our problems.
216
00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:59,336
He gets taken somewhere else
and gets to explode. We live.
217
00:10:59,337 --> 00:11:01,077
Except for the billions
of life forms he kills.
218
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:04,079
Well, obviously, but they're kind of
a sunk cost at this point.
219
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,039
- That is not what that means.
- Oh, um... arbitrage?
220
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,606
We can't be held responsible
221
00:11:08,607 --> 00:11:11,218
for the actions of the people
we sell weapons to!
222
00:11:11,262 --> 00:11:13,611
- Why not?
- Because we'd have to stop doing it!
223
00:11:13,612 --> 00:11:17,224
Look, I think Mr. Deadly
is making some real progress.
224
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:20,444
The ice cream was good,
225
00:11:20,445 --> 00:11:22,273
and that was
a very pretty bug, if rude,
226
00:11:22,316 --> 00:11:24,971
but fulfilling the purpose
of my existence
227
00:11:25,014 --> 00:11:26,624
sounds a smidge better.
228
00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:29,584
But there must be something
in the universe you wanna do.
229
00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,978
I've heard good things
about whisky.
230
00:11:32,021 --> 00:11:35,199
Great job, Lana.
Now let's go get this bomb drunk.
231
00:11:35,242 --> 00:11:39,594
Lightweights.
That was only like a half a bottle...
232
00:11:39,638 --> 00:11:43,294
of Quaaludes...
that I dissolved in their absinthe.
233
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:45,773
Hmm...
they may die.
234
00:11:45,774 --> 00:11:47,994
Oh!
Mr. Deadly!
235
00:11:48,037 --> 00:11:49,737
That's what I was doing.
236
00:11:50,649 --> 00:11:53,782
I say, that tastes like
an old boot on fire
237
00:11:53,826 --> 00:11:56,720
- that I like in my mouth!
- I know it's your first time,
238
00:11:56,721 --> 00:11:59,660
but you don't have to try
literally every whisky they have.
239
00:11:59,701 --> 00:12:02,791
Um, could you say,
"Please detonate"?
240
00:12:02,835 --> 00:12:05,359
Say nothing.
Walk away.
241
00:12:05,403 --> 00:12:07,709
Almost got you.
242
00:12:07,753 --> 00:12:11,235
- I'll have these six.
- Not 100% sure this is working.
243
00:12:11,278 --> 00:12:13,367
Let's just go find
those spies and pawn him off.
244
00:12:13,411 --> 00:12:14,672
One, that's evil.
245
00:12:14,673 --> 00:12:16,805
Two, we don't even know
what they look like.
246
00:12:16,849 --> 00:12:19,634
Well, see that cat dude
and pouch master general?
247
00:12:19,678 --> 00:12:22,135
They look exactly like that.
248
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:23,959
Doesn't look like they're
here to haggle.
249
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,510
- Time to go.
- And we're shuffling,
250
00:12:25,553 --> 00:12:27,294
and they're working together,
and they're cutting us off,
251
00:12:27,338 --> 00:12:29,905
- and they're here.
- Nice work, Tav.
252
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:31,471
What's up with all
the fist bumping?
253
00:12:31,472 --> 00:12:34,127
This is not a weapon!
It is a living being
254
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:36,911
- who does not want...
- Who's taking me? You?
255
00:12:36,912 --> 00:12:38,653
You?
Ah, we'll figure it out.
256
00:12:38,697 --> 00:12:41,482
Thanks, Lana.
It's been... a delay?
257
00:12:41,526 --> 00:12:43,135
But I'd like to explode now.
258
00:12:43,136 --> 00:12:45,094
Well, all that's left
is for you to pay us
259
00:12:45,138 --> 00:12:47,053
and we'll leave this
portion of the galaxy...
260
00:12:47,096 --> 00:12:49,447
Oh-ho-ho.
You're not going anywhere.
261
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:51,318
I have a thing about loose ends.
262
00:12:51,362 --> 00:12:53,364
Is that why you have so many straps?
263
00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:55,931
Seriously, are you on your way
to tie down a blimp?
264
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,367
Hey! Time to leave.
265
00:12:57,368 --> 00:13:00,454
We tend to frown on
threatening waiters with knives.
266
00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:01,763
Sir, we're handling this.
267
00:13:01,807 --> 00:13:06,115
- Oh, is that right, Tycho Brahe?
- Astronomy burn!
268
00:13:06,159 --> 00:13:08,292
Come on, did the groundwork
for Copernicus.
269
00:13:08,335 --> 00:13:10,685
Had a metal nose.
Tycho Brahe.
270
00:13:10,729 --> 00:13:13,524
Ooh, long way to go for that one.
271
00:13:19,912 --> 00:13:23,655
Hey, assholes.
If he dies, he explodes!
272
00:13:23,698 --> 00:13:27,746
- Well, you should have led with that!
- Oh, we're so sorry!
273
00:13:29,704 --> 00:13:32,184
God damn it.
I think they used your stick thing!
274
00:13:32,185 --> 00:13:33,881
It's called a quarterstaff.
275
00:13:33,882 --> 00:13:38,191
Fine, they used your quarterstaff.
You have a gun!
276
00:13:39,908 --> 00:13:42,650
We can lay low here for a while.
277
00:13:42,693 --> 00:13:43,954
Aww, cheer up, dude.
278
00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:45,914
I bet you'll explode
before you know it.
279
00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:48,656
Lana, you have snatched me
from my destiny.
280
00:13:48,699 --> 00:13:50,395
Yeah, she is a huge buzzkill.
281
00:13:50,516 --> 00:13:52,431
Look, I'm very partially
sorry about that.
282
00:13:52,475 --> 00:13:54,303
But we're gonna figure out
what to do.
283
00:13:54,346 --> 00:13:56,653
Can you stay here
for just a few minutes?
284
00:13:56,697 --> 00:13:59,002
Oh, great.
I've waited thousands of years
285
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,831
so what's a few minutes?
286
00:14:00,875 --> 00:14:03,878
- That's a yes, right?
- Yes.
287
00:14:03,921 --> 00:14:08,970
- So... what do we do?
- Oh! Oh, not this.
288
00:14:09,013 --> 00:14:11,407
Just thought of another name
for Spaghetti Vacation.
289
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:14,192
If you tell it to me, Pam,
I will literally kill you.
290
00:14:14,236 --> 00:14:16,630
Call it a one-way vacation
to the void.
291
00:14:16,673 --> 00:14:18,369
- Wait, that's something.
- Killing Pam?
292
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:20,764
I was joking, but if you've got
a good reason I would...
293
00:14:20,808 --> 00:14:22,810
No, these depots all
have a cargo railgun.
294
00:14:22,853 --> 00:14:24,812
- They're insanely powerful.
- So?
295
00:14:24,855 --> 00:14:27,991
So we put him in it,
aim it up out of the galactic plane,
296
00:14:28,032 --> 00:14:30,252
and radio the order
when he's at a safe distance.
297
00:14:30,295 --> 00:14:33,080
We'd have to get there without
those goons intercepting us.
298
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,474
Seems tough.
They're very cool.
299
00:14:35,518 --> 00:14:37,867
- They're not that cool.
- Okay, let's ask him.
300
00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:41,831
Ha!
Teach you to lock me in a room.
301
00:14:42,438 --> 00:14:44,832
Because I locked youin a room!
Ha-ha!
302
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:48,313
Are you guys getting that?
I can't see if the irony is landing.
303
00:14:48,357 --> 00:14:52,535
- Why not open the door and check?
- I can't, I smashed it.
304
00:14:52,578 --> 00:14:55,363
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye. We're gonna die.
305
00:14:55,364 --> 00:14:57,932
If we are, there's something
I need you guys to know.
306
00:14:57,975 --> 00:15:00,917
"Ravioliday"!
307
00:15:01,762 --> 00:15:03,462
Worth it.
308
00:15:03,938 --> 00:15:07,288
- I am ready.
- Take me!
309
00:15:07,289 --> 00:15:09,857
You may have some
unhealthy associations
310
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:13,472
- with sex and death.
- Duh-hoi.
311
00:15:15,776 --> 00:15:19,736
Uh-huh. So you know
you don't have any junk, right?
312
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,739
Well, if you give me a moment
I'm sure I can grow one.
313
00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:25,056
Why don't you make it two.
314
00:15:27,607 --> 00:15:32,504
- That was... My God!
- Ugh! It's gonna be one of those.
315
00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:35,811
How can sensations that
majestic and world shattering
316
00:15:35,855 --> 00:15:39,206
be contained in such strange
dangly skin-bags?
317
00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:41,774
Did the world shatter for you
in the first ten seconds,
318
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:44,646
the second ten seconds,
or huh, no other options!
319
00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,605
Both!
Benefit of two, I suppose.
320
00:15:46,648 --> 00:15:50,174
But, oddly, I find a limpid
rush of passion in myself,
321
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,959
and I must tell you...
sorry, what was your name?
322
00:15:53,002 --> 00:15:54,612
There's some debate on that.
323
00:15:54,613 --> 00:15:58,790
- Well, whatever it is, I love you.
- Yes, well... nap.
324
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,446
Can you at least tell me
to detonate?
325
00:16:01,489 --> 00:16:04,491
God, can you stop your dumb
mouth from talking so I can sleep!
326
00:16:04,492 --> 00:16:07,365
Okay. Well, I'm gonna
destroy you all now.
327
00:16:07,408 --> 00:16:10,455
As long as it's quiet!
Rude!
328
00:16:10,498 --> 00:16:12,239
What did you just do?
329
00:16:12,283 --> 00:16:14,807
I don't know.
I wasn't listening either.
330
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:18,550
Unfortunately, we were, and there
are some things you can't unhear.
331
00:16:18,593 --> 00:16:20,943
Yeah, like why was it so squelchy?
332
00:16:20,987 --> 00:16:23,510
- Well...
- Nope! Where did he go?
333
00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:24,816
Who?
334
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,517
Let's see.
Let's wind the footage back
335
00:16:26,558 --> 00:16:28,516
to the moment
they left the cantina...
336
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,301
Pff. Cantina?
Barely a saloon.
337
00:16:31,302 --> 00:16:35,088
Or that.
Last one to grab him buys tacos?
338
00:16:35,131 --> 00:16:37,612
Ugh!
Set me up the whole way.
339
00:16:37,656 --> 00:16:39,397
Ugh... Respect.
340
00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:44,489
We got to go!
341
00:16:44,532 --> 00:16:47,622
Give me a minute!
I think I was just dead a little!
342
00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:50,625
♪ Sometimes
you just need a gun ♪
343
00:16:50,669 --> 00:16:52,365
Damn that's catchy.
344
00:16:52,366 --> 00:16:54,066
Cheryl got out!
And ruined everything.
345
00:16:54,107 --> 00:16:56,501
That second part
probably goes without saying.
346
00:16:56,544 --> 00:16:58,503
How can you be so incompetent?
347
00:16:58,546 --> 00:17:00,635
Well, seeing as how you let
a glue-sniffing
348
00:17:00,679 --> 00:17:02,637
human death wish
escape a closed vessel,
349
00:17:02,681 --> 00:17:04,290
maybe we're even!
350
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:06,511
Even? Who paid for
your first "massage"
351
00:17:06,554 --> 00:17:08,513
when you ran out of cash?
352
00:17:08,556 --> 00:17:10,645
Not to get in the middle
of your Freudian nightmare,
353
00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:12,865
but just get Krieger ready
with his weapons,
354
00:17:12,908 --> 00:17:14,910
and meet us outside the ship!
355
00:17:14,954 --> 00:17:18,261
- Way ahead of you.
- Are you?
356
00:17:18,262 --> 00:17:20,928
Hate to be a pest.
but could you say "Please Detonate?"
357
00:17:20,963 --> 00:17:22,918
- Uh, no thank you.
- Ah-ha!
358
00:17:23,963 --> 00:17:25,878
Fantastic.
And now this is happening.
359
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:27,400
Let's go!
360
00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:29,360
Ow.
361
00:17:29,403 --> 00:17:32,927
Nice shooting, Tex, but if you
kill him, nobody gets tacos.
362
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:35,931
- Oh, hi guys.
- Oh, hi. They're from the ship.
363
00:17:35,975 --> 00:17:39,892
- Yep. We are here to stop you.
- Is that a kimono?
364
00:17:40,806 --> 00:17:44,375
These are experimental prototypes.
365
00:17:44,418 --> 00:17:46,027
I call gun!
Big gun, here.
366
00:17:46,028 --> 00:17:49,422
- That leaves Pam the temporary...
- Don't need it, dick-nuts.
367
00:17:49,423 --> 00:17:51,123
- My body is a weapon.
- Speaking of which.
368
00:17:51,164 --> 00:17:54,732
- The temporary singularity grenade?
- Why would you make that?
369
00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:56,429
Why not just give us an
ancient horn that summons
370
00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:59,085
Cthulhu's older,
shittier step-brother?
371
00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:02,131
Well, it imprinted on you now,
so no one else can use it.
372
00:18:02,175 --> 00:18:03,916
Seems like a needless precaution.
373
00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:05,831
So where do you think they are?
374
00:18:05,874 --> 00:18:09,704
I find it's good practice to follow
the sound of gunfire.
375
00:18:09,748 --> 00:18:11,314
That hadn't happened yet!
376
00:18:11,315 --> 00:18:15,188
Oh, suppressing fire!
377
00:18:15,231 --> 00:18:16,710
Ah, ah, ah!
378
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:19,148
Yelling "suppressing fire"
kind of defeats the point.
379
00:18:19,192 --> 00:18:20,892
We're supposed to think
you're aiming at us.
380
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,217
You know what, actually,
381
00:18:22,218 --> 00:18:24,588
I'm saying it to my teammates,
so they know.
382
00:18:25,590 --> 00:18:27,025
Ah-ah-ah!
383
00:18:27,026 --> 00:18:29,420
Admit you underestimated me.
384
00:18:29,463 --> 00:18:31,163
Get off my head, you bitch!
385
00:18:31,204 --> 00:18:32,726
They're actually doing okay.
386
00:18:32,727 --> 00:18:35,426
I might have a tiny bit
more respect for them.
387
00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:36,643
Don't ever tell them I said that.
388
00:18:36,644 --> 00:18:39,212
There is so much
so deeply wrong with you.
389
00:18:39,255 --> 00:18:40,955
And you married me.
390
00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:45,261
- Doesn't reflect great on you.
- Aww, can I keep him?
391
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:48,656
How long before they notice...
392
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:51,572
"We're-we're gone,"
is what I was gonna say.
393
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:55,488
So what's all this then?
394
00:18:55,489 --> 00:18:58,665
Cargo railgun, we shoot you,
transmit signal, boom.
395
00:18:58,666 --> 00:19:01,669
- Oh, finally.
- Wait, where's Pam?
396
00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:07,674
The invisible fist.
That could be my code name.
397
00:19:07,675 --> 00:19:09,677
So what do you say,
I'm your scrappy apprentice,
398
00:19:09,721 --> 00:19:11,549
and you're my gruff-but-loveable...
399
00:19:11,592 --> 00:19:14,987
- Ahhh! Ow!
- I'll think about it.
400
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:18,556
Oh, that is good pouchwork.
401
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,429
Get in there.
We'll send the "please det..."
402
00:19:22,473 --> 00:19:23,864
Archer, come on.
403
00:19:23,865 --> 00:19:25,737
Whoops, that would
have been hilarious.
404
00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:29,435
We'll send you the message
once you're out of the galactic plane.
405
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:31,786
Ahh!
Jesus, Archer.
406
00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:35,006
- You ever look before you shoot?
- Sometimes.
407
00:19:36,269 --> 00:19:39,577
- Don't hit Mr. Deadly!
- Yeah, aiming at you guys.
408
00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:42,622
Thanks for being so conscientious.
409
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,286
You saved me.
410
00:19:54,287 --> 00:19:57,595
You overcame your simple
biological impulse to live.
411
00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,814
Just trying to do what's right.
412
00:20:04,819 --> 00:20:10,651
- Jesus Christ, lady!
- Don't call me lady!
413
00:20:10,695 --> 00:20:12,697
Well, have a nice death.
414
00:20:12,740 --> 00:20:15,482
Just give me the receiver
so you can transmit the order.
415
00:20:15,526 --> 00:20:17,571
- The what?
- It's a cargo container.
416
00:20:17,615 --> 00:20:19,921
Do you want me to bring along
string and a can?
417
00:20:19,965 --> 00:20:22,054
Goddamn it.
418
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:25,492
Oh, so now you're a gesture expert.
419
00:20:32,543 --> 00:20:36,284
- Whoa, smells like stir-Friday in here.
- Why did you do that?
420
00:20:36,285 --> 00:20:39,288
I need to feel their blood
on my... ah.
421
00:20:39,332 --> 00:20:42,770
Ohh, this is the best I've ever felt.
422
00:20:42,934 --> 00:20:44,979
Yeah, you're probably gonna
want to check into rehab.
423
00:20:45,023 --> 00:20:47,842
Like immediately.
You forgot this.
424
00:20:47,877 --> 00:20:50,202
I came as quick as I could.
You know, after they died.
425
00:20:50,245 --> 00:20:52,726
You are a paragon of bravery.
426
00:20:52,770 --> 00:20:54,728
All right,
let's shoot you into space.
427
00:20:54,772 --> 00:20:57,226
- One moment.
- Oh, come on!
428
00:20:57,261 --> 00:20:59,211
Lana's act of selflessness
inspired me.
429
00:20:59,254 --> 00:21:01,387
She was willing to give
her life for others,
430
00:21:01,430 --> 00:21:04,172
and that gives me
the courage to change.
431
00:21:04,376 --> 00:21:08,641
- I choose life.
- I guess this means no tacos.
432
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,643
Is that supposed to be a joke?
433
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,427
I didn't mean to make
it weird.
434
00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:17,171
How's this for weird?
Please detonate.
435
00:21:17,215 --> 00:21:18,824
- No!
- Don't detonate!
436
00:21:20,609 --> 00:21:24,091
I think my change of heart
may have diffused me.
437
00:21:24,135 --> 00:21:25,835
Only now do I see that
438
00:21:25,876 --> 00:21:28,400
when one's purpose is evil,
achieving that...
439
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,579
Archer, you've got to use this.
440
00:21:33,622 --> 00:21:36,538
I don't want to be
eternal spaghetti, Lana.
441
00:21:36,582 --> 00:21:39,150
For once, think of anyone
other than yourself.
442
00:21:39,193 --> 00:21:42,413
Aghh! Fine!
443
00:22:05,045 --> 00:22:07,091
- I'm alive!
- We're alive!
444
00:22:07,134 --> 00:22:10,484
- Close one, right guys?
- Yeah, great.
445
00:22:10,485 --> 00:22:12,923
I think I twisted my ankle.
Thanks, Lana.
446
00:22:12,966 --> 00:22:16,882
- So where exactly did they go?
- It's semi-random,
447
00:22:16,883 --> 00:22:20,321
- but I could try to back-calculate it...
- I'd kind of prefer to not know
448
00:22:20,322 --> 00:22:22,106
if we wiped out several thriving
449
00:22:22,149 --> 00:22:23,890
and culturally complex civilizations.
450
00:22:23,934 --> 00:22:25,718
- Yeah, I mean, me too.
- All right.
451
00:22:30,462 --> 00:22:33,569
We don't know that was us.
452
00:22:35,533 --> 00:22:40,024
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ MY-SUBS.com ~