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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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Hey, last day of summer school!
We lived, we laughed, we learned.
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Some of us more than others.
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Yay, we did it. We had
no fun all summer. Whoo.
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[GABE CHUCKLES]
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You know, the next time you see me,
I'll be wearing my fall shorts.
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Hey, Marisol, what are you selling?
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- Reverse mortgages? Squatty Potties?
- Ay! Shh!
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Yes, solar power is expensive,
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but what price do you put
on saving the planet?
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Oh, here comes the kill shot.
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Finish him!
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Yeah, well, you know who
thanks me every day
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for putting panels on our home?
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My grandchildren.
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Great! I'll have my assistant call you
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to set up an appointment. [SOFTLY] Yes!
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Yeah! You know, I've seen Teen Mom,
but I've never seen Teen Grandma.
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Well, when I'm selling solar
panels, I've got two grandkids.
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When I'm signing people up
for wrongful death lawsuits,
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I'm a widow from Detroit.
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And when I work at 7-Eleven, I got
a brother who's a UFC fighter
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waiting in the parking lot.
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All right, well, I am excited
to meet your grandkids,
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- I'm so sorry for your loss,
- Thank you.
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and remind me not to
mess with your brother.
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[CHUCKLES]
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Wait a minute, I love the UFC.
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Can your brother hook
us up with tickets?
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Lorenzo... [CHUCKLES]
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... her brother is as
real as her grandkids.
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Great, so where are we
at with these tickets?
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Pay attention, fool. Her
stupid grandkids got 'em.
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What?
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Could this summer get any worse?
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Look, I know it doesn't feel like it,
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but in reality, we are the
big winners here, okay?
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This is my impression of someone
who didn't have summer school.
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[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "Oh,
my God! Summer, yes! [GIGGLES]
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Let's go to the beach!
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Wow, sand! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
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Oh, frozen banana! Cold,
cold, cold, cold, cold!
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Oh, let's go swimming!
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Ouch!
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- Who lost a syringe?"
- [STUDENTS LAUGH]
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[IN NORMAL VOICE] All right, everyone,
we are one oral report away
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from passing summer school.
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[CHUCKLES] Oral.
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Yeah, Walt, they said
it couldn't be done,
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but you did it, not once, not twice,
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but ten "orals."
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Ah, sorry I'm late.
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I was watching that Lincoln
documentary you told us to.
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Lincoln was a real badass.
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No president killed more
vampires than that guy.
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Not that documentary, but
a very underrated film.
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Yeah, the way he killed Dracula
with that ax handle. Oh!
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Very presidential.
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[CHUCKLES]
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You know, in the... in the Lincoln
movie I watched, he said,
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[IMITATING LINCOLN] "Until
every drop of blood drawn
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with the lash shall be paid by
another drawn with the sword."
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[IN NORMAL VOICE] Second
inaugural address,
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Lincoln from way downtown. Bang!
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[CHUCKLES] Careful, Mikey.
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People don't like to hear "Lincoln"
and "bang" in the same sentence.
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Good job! You know, if you had
brought it like that all summer,
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you wouldn't need to nail
this report on Honest Abe.
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Yes, on our greatest president,
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who we honor by putting
on our cheapest coin.
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[LAUGHS] Is that what...
Cheapest... Amazing. [SIGHS]
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Uh...
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What about you, Grace? Are
you ready for this final?
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[COMPUTER] Yeah, dog.
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I was born ready.
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You know, being that your
presentation is on Susan B. Anthony,
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it might be a good idea to put
your computer in a female voice.
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[COMPUTER] This is a female voice.
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Check your privilege.
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You are part of the problem.
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No, Grace. [LAUGHS] I'm
not part of the problem.
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And by the way, this is a female voice.
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[IN FEMALE VOICE] "And
I told him, 'Look...
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I don't play, baby, okay?
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If you bring that weak ass game up
in here, it is gon' get sent.'"
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Oh, my God, that's a killer
Principal Madison impression.
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[IN NORMAL VOICE] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
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Whoa, that's not Principal Madison.
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That's... That's just some random lady.
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Well, whoever it is, she's sexy as hell!
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[IN FEMALE VOICE] Oh, you know
how to make a girl blush.
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[THEME SONG PLAYING]
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♪ Mr. Iglesias ♪
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
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♪ Mr. Iglesias ♪
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Mm-hmm. And I told him,
"Look, I don't play, baby.
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You bring that weak ass game up
in here, it is gon' get sent."
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I gotta go, Mom.
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What's up, Paula?
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Ah, Gabriel, is it true that
your kids we counseled out
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are suddenly passing?
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Yeah, as it turns out, all
they needed was someone
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who cares about their future.
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Yeah, what's that called
again? A... teacher.
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Well, if they all pass their final,
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my pilot program will be
off to a roaring start.
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You know who'll really be impressed?
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Um, besides you with yourself?
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My friend at the Long
Beach Press-Telegram.
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We'll call my program "Paula's
Pals" or "Madison's Marvels."
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Ah. He's a writer, he'll figure it out.
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So, tell me the good news?
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Real estate flyers? You're
leaving us to sell houses?
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That's good news.
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No, Gabriel, proof.
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The better the schools, the
higher their property value.
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Once we get rid of the poor
students, our test scores go up,
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and then, the equity
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on my real estate portfolio
goes through the roof.
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Carlos, your one-bedroom fixer
in Norwalk is not a portfolio.
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So, tell me,
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how many of Gabriel's underachieving
kids are we getting rid of?
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Seriously, dude? Do you feed
off the tears of children?
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They're full of electrolytes.
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[SIGHS]
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Gabe, forgive Carlos.
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He's a first-time home owner.
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And like a vegan with his diet,
that's all he can talk about.
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My home would be worth twice its
value if I lived near Lakewood High.
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Why don't you just get
a house near there?
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'Cause the houses there
are twice as expensive!
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I know, I just like to make
him get all... [GROWLS]
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[LAUGHS, GROWLS]
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- Lakewood is my dream school.
- [GABE SIGHS]
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Uh, I'm sorry, Carlos,
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but Gabe's kids have a decent
shot at pulling this off.
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When is Gabriel going to accept that
not all kids are created equal?
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When you admit they bought your
life rights to do the Grinch movie.
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Students fall into two categories:
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those that are destined
to go to college,
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and those that are destined to
clean adult movie theaters.
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They don't even have adult
movie theaters anymore.
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[SCOFFS] Yeah, they do.
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Look, my kids are gonna
pass their final,
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and they're gonna crush your
dreams of expelling them.
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Okay, we are going to grade
them the Lakewood way.
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Yay, the Lakewood way!
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What's the Lakewood way?
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A different teacher will be
grading Gabriel's class final,
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so there's no malfeasance.
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Mm-hmm.
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"Malfeasance"?
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Somebody's been playing
Words With Friends.
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Wait, yeah, you don't have any friends.
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I don't care who grades my kids
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because they're all
gonna pass, all right?
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And the Press-Telegram is
gonna do an amazing article
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on the best principal in Long Beach.
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Aw, you know how to make a girl blush.
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- Just grade my kids' finals.
- Mm, let me think about that.
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Hard pass.
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- Come on.
- Can't, bud.
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- Why not?
- Don't wanna.
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Ask Mr. Hayward.
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Nope, not teaching summer school.
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Then why are you here?
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My wife is at home.
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Hey, ask Abby. She loves work.
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[SIGHS] Man, Abby's an honest,
moral, upstanding citizen.
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You know, not you.
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Now I'm insulted. But
I'll do it for 20 bucks.
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- [CHUCKLES]
- All right.
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- That's my Tony. All right.
- All right.
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I would've given you 40.
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- Hey, guys.
- [ALL] Hey!
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- Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.
- [CHUCKLES]
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Oh, if I was a younger man...
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Then you'd know how much things
have changed in the workplace.
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My fiancé, Danny, sent me these
for absolutely no reason.
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[BOTH] Uh-oh.
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What-oh?
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Well, I gave a lot of
flowers for no reason,
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but it was always for...
the same reason.
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What reason?
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- Love, right, Mr. Hayward?
- [RAY] Uh-huh.
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Well, uh, yeah, in a way.
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The love I expressed during
my regrettable peregrinations
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into matters of the flesh
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outside of the covenant I
made with God and Gertrude.
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That means he had a side piece.
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- [TONY WHISTLES]
- [GASPS]
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Oh, Mr. Hayward, I am
not judging you at all,
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but Danny would never.
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He is the most honest
person I have ever met.
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Besides me.
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I can't believe I almost lied
and said it was him. It's me.
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And that's why I can't have
her grade the kids' finals.
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Ooh! Pretty flowers.
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Danny sent them to Abigail.
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For no reason!
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- Uh-oh.
- Seriously, what-oh?
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[CHUCKLES] Relax, have a seat.
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Look, everyone's just jealous
of your beautiful flowers
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celebrating your rock-solid
long-distance relationship.
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Mm-hmm.
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00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,421
So, Gabe, do I have to
listen to your kids' finals,
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or can I just give you the grades now?
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No way. Tony's even less
ethical than Gabriel.
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Well, you heard him. I'm out.
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00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,678
But I'm gonna need that
20. A deal's a deal.
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00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,690
Mm.
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00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,103
Gabe, if you need someone,
I'll grade your kids.
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00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,856
I love those guys.
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00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:09,318
Yeah, you know what? Uh, thank you,
but you just got those flowers,
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00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,400
and you gotta write that
thank-you letter to Danny,
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00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,645
you know, and fold it and
put it in the envelope...
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00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:14,988
You're perfect, Abigail.
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00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,742
You're the most ethical
teacher in this school.
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Stay that way, don't let
them take your sparkle.
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00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,964
Well, who took yours?
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00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,503
A sparkle pirate?
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00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:31,170
Mr. Hayward, if you don't
stop eating my stone fruit,
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I will tell Gertrude I
know where you are.
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[SIGHS] Abby, I appreciate you
volunteering to grade my kids' finals.
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00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:49,815
Aw, thank you for the chance to
proctor your kids' oral exams.
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[RAY] Ah.
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00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,565
Gabriel must be growing up.
227
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,069
When he was my student
and I said that word,
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he would repeat it and snicker.
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[ABBY LAUGHS]
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Proctor is a funny word.
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00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:07,077
Heh. Uh, Abby, I just wanted to
go over a few things with you.
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00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,416
A little housekeeping.
Nothing big, but, uh...
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00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,214
all my students need to pass.
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00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:13,545
Well, they'll pass if they pass.
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00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,520
And you know what'd even be more fun,
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00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,960
is if they pass even if they fail.
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00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,513
How does that work?
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00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,440
Abby, what do you think
happens to those kids
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00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:24,950
who can't come back here?
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00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:28,021
Hmm. They go to a more
appropriate school
241
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:31,364
with smaller class sizes and
more personal attention?
242
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,404
Yeah, they go to unicorn-iversity.
243
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:36,399
[SIGHS]
244
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,117
Things don't get better for the
students. They actually get worse.
245
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:43,237
They get sent to CCC. That's the
California Continuation Center.
246
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,583
You know, the gray building
with no windows, barbed wire?
247
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:47,794
By the train tracks.
248
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,254
- Oh, you mean the prison.
- Yeah.
249
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,802
That's CCC, aka Alcatraz High.
250
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,969
Yeah, where students' dreams go to die.
251
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,552
Abby, look, you have a big heart,
252
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,927
and some of my students might
need you to grade with it.
253
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,354
But that would be wrong.
254
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:08,193
This isn't South Dakota where
life is so black and white.
255
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,149
And I'm guessing mostly white.
256
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:15,817
Hey!
257
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:19,657
My town has a very vibrant
African-American community.
258
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,159
- Mm-hmm?
- The Hendersons live on Third Street.
259
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,580
Yeah.
260
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,659
So, are they still on Third Street?
261
00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:28,536
Ah! I was wondering if you knew them.
262
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:35,919
Abby, when you've been
around as long as I have,
263
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:39,675
you'll come to understand that
life is full of gray areas.
264
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,549
In case some of my kids struggle,
265
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,963
I'm just saying,
sometimes a little wrong
266
00:12:43,990 --> 00:12:45,720
might lead to a greater right.
267
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,519
Oh, I don't know, Gabe.
268
00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:50,644
That kind of thinking can
be a slippery slope.
269
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:53,111
Ah, that's my favorite kind of slope.
270
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,109
[CHUCKLES] Whee!
271
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,608
[BOTH LAUGH]
272
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:06,487
Oh, my God, that iceberg lettuce
with no dressing looks awesome!
273
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,288
F this.
274
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,962
- Scooch over.
- No, thank you.
275
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,044
Okay.
276
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,295
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
277
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,302
You know, I don't know what's
gotten into Danny lately.
278
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,224
- He's been very lovey-dovey.
- Mm-hmm.
279
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:28,097
Oh, he doesn't usually
say things like this.
280
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,602
You know, Abby, this
is kind of "me" time.
281
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,644
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
282
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,771
Five eggplant emojis.
283
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,688
He must be hungry. [CHUCKLES]
284
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,822
He not hungry, he thirsty.
285
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:44,534
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
286
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:48,739
Now he wants to do "peach emoji stuff."
287
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:50,825
They always do.
288
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,464
Send him a stoplight emoji.
289
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,921
And then, three cats and a lollipop.
290
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:02,169
No, he's allergic to cats.
How about just a happy face?
291
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:03,360
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
292
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,000
Wait a minute,
293
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:08,680
why is he sending me
pictures of breasts?
294
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:10,644
Uh-oh, Abby, give me your phone.
295
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,888
Okay, you've gotten added
to a text chain by mistake.
296
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,438
Who the hell is Lindsay?
297
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,770
Oh, Lindsay's my friend from Bible camp.
298
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,108
Oh, Lord Jesus, help me.
299
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:27,698
But why is she sending me
pictures of her breasts?
300
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,157
[GASPS] Do you think she has
a lump and she's worried?
301
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:34,616
Abby, your man is creeping.
302
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,792
The only lump is in his pants.
303
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:38,793
My gosh.
304
00:14:39,470 --> 00:14:40,520
What?
305
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:44,048
Oh, I'm sorry, honey, but
what did you expect?
306
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,221
You know, there are
only two types of men:
307
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,012
those who cheat, and those
who haven't been caught yet.
308
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,256
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
309
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:53,597
- Oh, God, my back's locking up.
- Oh, that's just stress.
310
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,058
Do not give that fool all your power.
311
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,478
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
312
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:00,068
Wow, that is a big penis.
313
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:08,533
All right, everyone, it is
time for your presentations,
314
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:12,906
so let's get ready to not mumble!
315
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,240
Hey, real quick,
316
00:15:15,260 --> 00:15:16,961
before you head out into the
hallway to wait your turn,
317
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,791
there's been a last-second change.
318
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,299
Um, Ms. Spencer's gonna be grading you.
319
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:24,053
Ooh! My ginger sister
from another mister.
320
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,261
Yo, last-second changes
are always bad news.
321
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,596
Like when Jackie O said,
322
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,100
"Oh, it's such a sunny day out. Let's
not take the bulletproof car."
323
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,766
[CHUCKLES] Relax, Lorenzo.
324
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,904
This is actually a good
last-second change.
325
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:43,040
Uh, kinda like when they
gave the Oscar to Moonlight
326
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:44,361
instead of La La Land.
327
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,160
Uh-huh.
328
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,025
Come on. A white guy saving jazz.
329
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:52,656
Anyway, if there's any one person
at this school who's nicer than me,
330
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:53,873
it's Ms. Spencer.
331
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,365
[DOOR SLAMS]
332
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,867
All right. Let's get this over with.
333
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,590
And that's why, to honor Cesar
Chavez and Dolores Huerta,
334
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,973
the leaders of the United
Farm Workers movement,
335
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,720
I still won't eat grapes.
336
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,388
Sí, se puede.
337
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,601
Yes, you can. And...
338
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,442
yes, you did.
339
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,685
Great job, Marisol.
340
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:23,983
So promising.
341
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,033
I hope a man never dims your light.
342
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:29,696
Okay.
343
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:34,617
Well, speaking of dim lights, have
you ever considered solar panels?
344
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:42,077
I rent. A two bedroom that's
far too big for me now.
345
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,461
Overshare. All right.
346
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,683
All right, well, I'm outta here.
347
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:52,143
Um, Ms. Spencer, see you in the fall.
348
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,008
Mr. Iglesias, see you
at the drive-through.
349
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:02,693
[COMPUTER] The B in Susan B.
Anthony stands for "Brownell,"
350
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,441
but it should stand for "boss."
351
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,483
Yeah! Boo-yah! [LAUGHS]
352
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:10,783
Good job.
353
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:16,539
So, in conclusion, lone gunman?
354
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:17,907
You tell me.
355
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,120
You. Tell. Me!
356
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:32,049
Dude, it was crazy.
357
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,764
'Cause Custer was all like,
[SCOFFS] "We got this,"
358
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,965
and Sitting Bull was
like, "Go ahead, brah.
359
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,386
I'm literally sitting
here waiting for you."
360
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,846
But you mess with the bull,
you're gonna get the horns.
361
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,817
And they did mess with the Bull,
and they did get the horns.
362
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,439
Goodnight, Long Beach!
363
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,323
See what he did there?
364
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:56,696
He took historical content, and
he put it into a modern language.
365
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,460
You are clutch, brah.
366
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:04,963
Game recognizes game.
367
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,588
What's the matter, Abby? You okay?
368
00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,553
My back is killing me.
369
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,223
[SIGHS] How many more kids are there?
370
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:19,523
Uh, just Mikey. He's my closer.
Let me just tell you right now,
371
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:22,558
this kid knows more about
Abraham Lincoln than Mary Todd.
372
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,518
That's who Lincoln was married to.
373
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,650
I know, Gabe, I'm a history teacher.
374
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,020
And I'm sure the Lincolns
were very happy.
375
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,820
Not the word that comes to mind.
376
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,950
Whoo!
377
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:37,621
Hope you enjoyed the warm-up acts
because the headliner is here.
378
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,884
Hey, Abby? Abby, seventh-inning
stretch is over. Come on.
379
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,002
[GROANS]
380
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,683
All right, Mikey, let's do this.
381
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,602
[STAMMERS] Do what?
382
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:04,982
Your oral report.
383
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,018
Uh...
384
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,266
You okay, buddy?
385
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,279
She just did the whole
sexy teacher thing
386
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,189
with her hair, and
glasses, and everything.
387
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,528
Okay. Focus, okay? Eyes on the prize.
388
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,948
Not... Not... Not that prize.
389
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:23,833
Look, you got this. Lights,
camera, knowledge, go.
390
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,619
Uh... uh...
391
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:30,501
Abraham Lincoln suffered a
lot of loss in his life.
392
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,210
His son Willy died... [VOICE CRACKS]
... in the White House...
393
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,548
[GROANS]
394
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,500
[BREATHING HEAVILY] Um... The...
395
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,120
The lead singer of
Linkin Park also died.
396
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,468
Matthew McConaughey, that's
who drives a Lincoln.
397
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,345
Time out. Time out. Come on.
398
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,805
Come on. Dude, dude. Dude. Relax, okay?
399
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:52,016
You need to take everything that's
up here and make it come out here.
400
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,527
Okay? And listen.
401
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:56,109
Forget about what's happening down here.
402
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,788
[EXHALES] Uh...
403
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:06,495
Log cabin.
404
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:09,584
Kentucky? [SCOFFS]
405
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,300
Abraham Simpson, the 16th
president of the United Nations.
406
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,917
Oh, God, I'm going to CCC.
407
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,430
- Mikey! Mikey! [SIGHS]
- [DOOR OPENS]
408
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:24,135
Abby, look, Mikey knows
his stuff, it's just...
409
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,429
[STAMMERS]
410
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:28,725
Like Abraham Lincoln, he
died during a performance.
411
00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:35,645
Abby, Abby, wait. Abby! Abby!
412
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,654
Look, I... I know Mikey
messed up, but...
413
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,896
remember when I was asking
you to grade from the heart?
414
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:41,494
Oh, Gabe.
415
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:45,492
You don't want me grading from
my cold, dead heart today.
416
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,294
Look, you can't send
Mikey to Alcatraz High.
417
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:50,753
They'll use him as a shiv!
418
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,877
Don't worry. I can lie.
419
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,264
Men do it all the time.
420
00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:00,255
And now women can too.
421
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,046
Equality, am I right?
422
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:12,147
[CLEARS THROAT]
423
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,525
Read 'em and weep.
424
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,783
[CHUCKLES]
425
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:23,365
I wanna record the look on
your face when you see that...
426
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,659
♪ All my kids passed ♪
427
00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:29,748
♪ All passed, they all passed ♪
428
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:32,076
Marisol, 98.
429
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:33,879
Makes sense, all right.
430
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,711
Grace, 87. Weirdo, but
that sounds right.
431
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:39,968
Walt, 75, perfectly average.
432
00:21:40,215 --> 00:21:42,425
Mikey, 85!
433
00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:44,676
- Hmm?
- [CARLOS] Seriously?
434
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:47,348
That kid's IQ isn't 85.
435
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:51,227
I'm sorry, I can't do this. [PANTING]
436
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:53,476
Abby, you're white. You can do anything.
437
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,403
[SNIFFLES]
438
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:06,494
I cheated! I don't have
integrity, and it feels terrible.
439
00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:08,700
♪ No need to confess ♪
440
00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,826
♪ No need ♪
441
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,060
Abby, what did you do?
442
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,250
I knew it. Mikey's dumb as dookie.
443
00:22:18,378 --> 00:22:21,168
I'm a cheater, just like Danny.
444
00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:23,586
No, you're not. At least
he tried to hide it.
445
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:29,511
And believe me, I know why
she's gonna miss him.
446
00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:36,939
Well, I guess Mikey Gutierrez
is CCC's problem now.
447
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,000
[SIGHS]
448
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,403
Look on the bright side, you'll
still be able to say hi to him
449
00:22:40,484 --> 00:22:42,444
when you take your VW to get washed...
450
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,278
once a semester.
451
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:48,117
That's right, I'm the one who
wrote, "Wash me." A-boom!
452
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,621
Gabe, you should be proud of yourself.
453
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,623
You passed 95% of your kids.
454
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:56,381
I know, but they all deserve to pass.
455
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,210
Look, Mikey knows his
stuff, he was just... uh...
456
00:22:59,294 --> 00:23:01,174
distracted. It didn't
come out of his mouth.
457
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:02,923
Well, whose fault is that?
458
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:04,423
[GRUNTS]
459
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,894
'Cause she was honest enough
to admit that she cheated?
460
00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:11,097
No, look at her.
461
00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:13,847
Now, look at her through
the eyes of a 15-year-old.
462
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:17,483
Oh. Mrs. Hendrix.
463
00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:19,605
Tenth grade teacher.
464
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:21,231
Drove me crazy.
465
00:23:22,317 --> 00:23:25,147
Big nose, the smallest lips. [CHUCKLES]
466
00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:26,532
Long arms.
467
00:23:31,201 --> 00:23:33,951
Huh. Sounds like a handsome woman.
468
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:37,790
And a shot blocker.
469
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:43,625
Look, Mikey was distracted.
Just give him another chance.
470
00:23:43,713 --> 00:23:46,803
Okay. Just so no one can say that
he failed for any other reason
471
00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:48,563
besides the fact that
he's not very bright,
472
00:23:49,052 --> 00:23:51,472
we'll grant him a retest,
which I will oversee.
473
00:23:51,555 --> 00:23:53,465
That's great. You won't regret this.
474
00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:55,885
Actually, you're rooting against him.
475
00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:57,643
You will totally regret this.
476
00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:00,855
A-boom!
477
00:24:05,026 --> 00:24:06,816
Hey, Mikey. I need to talk to you.
478
00:24:07,028 --> 00:24:09,698
[SIGHS] Sorry I let you
down, Mr. Iglesias.
479
00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:11,026
You didn't let me down.
480
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:12,826
You know, you were right
about Linkin Park,
481
00:24:12,909 --> 00:24:15,289
and Matthew McConaughey
does drive a Lincoln.
482
00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:16,870
I just need you to build on that
483
00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:19,535
and find a way to apply
it to Abraham Lincoln.
484
00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:22,384
- What are you talking about?
- [GABE] I got you a retest.
485
00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:26,046
Oh, it's okay, I... I'm a legacy at CCC.
486
00:24:26,214 --> 00:24:28,594
My cousin Spider, he said he'd
have my back in the yard.
487
00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:34,644
Look, I need for you to do Hernandez
what I did to Mr. Chandler.
488
00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:35,940
Who's Mr. Chandler?
489
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:38,274
A teacher who didn't think
I was good enough. [SIGHS]
490
00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,481
Man, I just wanted to
kick him in the nuts.
491
00:24:41,229 --> 00:24:44,229
- Did you?
- Sort of. By getting an A in his class.
492
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,777
So, if I pass,
493
00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:48,780
it'll be like I'm kicking
Hernandez in the nuts.
494
00:24:49,196 --> 00:24:51,026
Exactly. So kick hard.
495
00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:54,081
- Let's do this.
- Come on.
496
00:24:55,118 --> 00:24:57,788
"To achieve and cherish a
just and lasting peace,
497
00:24:57,871 --> 00:25:00,331
among ourselves and with all nations."
498
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:02,172
Gabe, I can't see.
499
00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:06,876
And if you can't see
him, he can't see you.
500
00:25:09,549 --> 00:25:12,389
And thus concludes Abraham Lincoln's
second inaugural address.
501
00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:14,349
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, right in the huevos.
502
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:19,350
Nicely done, Mr. Gutierrez.
503
00:25:19,434 --> 00:25:21,024
You know what? I did cheat.
504
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,443
I cheated this kid out
of an extra ten points.
505
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,812
He deserves a 95.
506
00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:28,994
For rote memorization? A 70 at best.
507
00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:31,318
[SCOFFS] Excuse me, I'm not done.
508
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:33,946
Uh... Uh, 70's good, 70 is good.
509
00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:36,986
Seventy is good. He's, you
know... He could be done.
510
00:25:37,070 --> 00:25:38,880
When Abraham Lincoln was a young man...
511
00:25:38,900 --> 00:25:40,280
He's not done.
512
00:25:41,831 --> 00:25:43,921
... he said, "Someday,
I shall be president."
513
00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:46,342
Dear God, I hope he doesn't
wanna be president.
514
00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:49,591
He'd be a big improvement.
515
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:55,385
And I have a teacher
who helps me believe
516
00:25:55,470 --> 00:25:57,680
that I can grow up to
be whatever I wanna be.
517
00:25:57,764 --> 00:25:59,684
And if you have one person
who believes in you,
518
00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:01,386
that's enough to have success.
519
00:26:01,476 --> 00:26:03,236
Why? Because you don't
wanna disappoint them.
520
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:06,400
He's talking about me.
521
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:12,243
You know, Lincoln also said, "Whatever
you are, you be a good one."
522
00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:14,491
Well, right now, I'm a
Wilson High student,
523
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:15,873
and I'm trying to be a good one.
524
00:26:18,618 --> 00:26:20,618
And you can keep trying in the fall.
525
00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:21,704
[EXHALES]
526
00:26:22,831 --> 00:26:23,831
Damn it!
527
00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,381
You live to fight another
day, Mr. Iglesias,
528
00:26:28,461 --> 00:26:31,921
but I will make this an elite 100
school by any means necessary.
529
00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:33,547
I know that quote.
530
00:26:33,675 --> 00:26:35,465
Civil rights activist Malcolm Ten.
531
00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:38,929
What?
532
00:26:41,641 --> 00:26:42,981
Wakanda forever.
533
00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,438
[CHUCKLES]
534
00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:54,986
You guys, I was so
inspired by Mikey today,
535
00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:56,493
I've been wondering...
536
00:26:56,906 --> 00:26:58,866
does Danny deserve a second chance too?
537
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,200
[ALL] No.
538
00:27:02,912 --> 00:27:03,912
Really?
539
00:27:04,539 --> 00:27:06,959
- No.
- [PAULA] Uh-uh.
540
00:27:07,410 --> 00:27:08,580
Thanks, Katie.
541
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,400
- Abby, you gotta move on.
- [KATIE] Mm-hmm.
542
00:27:10,790 --> 00:27:12,720
You know, the best way
to get over someone
543
00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:14,665
is to get under someone else.
544
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:18,179
Who said that? Was that Maya Angelou?
545
00:27:20,055 --> 00:27:24,015
Nope. Someone just as
wise: MC Humpty Hump. Hm.
546
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:28,437
Hey, there's lot to be
said for rebound sex.
547
00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:29,898
[LAUGHS]
548
00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:32,691
And I'm guessing a guy your size
doesn't get a lot of rebounds.
549
00:27:33,276 --> 00:27:35,696
You'd be surprised how many
boards I grab after last call.
550
00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:37,359
[LAUGHS]
551
00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:39,783
Abby, stick with me.
I'll take care of you.
552
00:27:40,367 --> 00:27:44,157
Really? I could use the guidance
of a strong, mature woman.
553
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:46,116
Okay. Lesson number one:
554
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:48,958
Even Cicely Tyson doesn't
like to be called mature.
555
00:27:49,626 --> 00:27:51,746
- [MOUTHING SILENTLY]
- [PAULA] This is what we'll do.
556
00:27:52,128 --> 00:27:53,838
You tell me where Lindsay works,
557
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:56,132
and we'll send those
titty pics to her boss.
558
00:27:56,216 --> 00:27:58,966
Then, we get the last
four of her social.
559
00:27:59,135 --> 00:28:02,055
There are 500 ways I could
ruin that ho's life.
560
00:28:02,889 --> 00:28:03,929
I got you, girl.
561
00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:05,805
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
562
00:28:06,309 --> 00:28:08,479
- Hey, man, somebody better call Danny.
- Yep.
563
00:28:11,020 --> 00:28:13,023
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
564
00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:15,444
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]