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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ MY-SUBS.com ~
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["FANTASMIC: Opening" by Bruce Healey]
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[soft mystical music]
[ice clinks]
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[burps softly]
Excuse me.
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Hello, I'm Doug Jones,
and today,
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we're gonna talk about
Lawnchair Larry.
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- Cheers.
- Cheers.
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Our story begins in 1962.
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A 13-year-old boy
named Larry Walters
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walks into an
Army Navy Surplus store.
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And amongst the Swiss army knives
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and the heavy duty flashlights,
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he sees right before him
a weather balloon.
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Suddenly, inspiration hits him
like a bolt of lightning.
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He says, oh, my God.
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If I had enough of these
balloons, I could fly.
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He graduates from high school
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and enlists in the U.S. Air Force,
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but due to his poor eyesight,
he's rejected,
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and this devastates him,
but he says, you know what?
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I'm not gonna let this stop me.
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Fast forward to 1982.
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Larry is now
a 33-year-old truck driver,
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and he still hasn't been able
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to get this idea of flying
out of his head.
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Larry's driving his truck.
He hears an airplane.
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He looks up and he's like,
son of a bitch.
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That's gonna be me someday.
[rousing music]
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Out of my way, asshole.
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[imitates truck horn honking]
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[muffled snickering]
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Let it out.
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So he brings his girlfriend, Carol,
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into the very same
Army Navy Surplus store
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he went to as a kid.
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He says, I'm gonna buy
a bunch of these balloons.
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I'm gonna tie them to a lawn chair
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and then I'm gonna fly.
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She says, you can't do that.
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That's way too dange... [burps]
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Excuse me.
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That's way too dangerous.
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He says, no, no, no, no, no.
I know what I'm doing.
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And Carol says,
wow, okay, I'm in,
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takes out her credit card,
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and spends over $4,000
on weather balloons,
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a lawn chair, helium tanks,
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CB radio set, a BB pellet gun.
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So, Larry lays out the plan.
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He says,
okay, I'm gonna take off
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from your ho...
backyard in San Pedro.
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I'm gonna fly over
to San Gabriel Mountains.
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When I reach an altitude
of approximately 7,000 feet,
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I'm gonna use the BB pistol
to shoot off that balloons,
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and then I'll gradually
begin my safe descent
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into the Mojave Desert.
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Now, here's the important part.
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Right before I take off,
you're gonna notify the FAA
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so that I don't get hit by a plane.
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I really don't wanna
get hit by a plane.
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I spilled on my nuts.
[snorts]
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So, uh...
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_
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Larry establishes his ground crew,
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which consists of
his girlfriend, Carol,
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and his buddy, Ron.
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He's like, hey, what's up?
I'm Ron.
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They take 42 weather balloons
and fill them with helium,
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tie it to Al...
aluminum lawn chair,
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tie that to two dozen
jugs of water for ballast.
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Larry christens his contraption,
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Inspiration I.
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And he's like,
okay, it's go time.
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Let's rock and roll.
They cut the first tether.
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Suddenly, Carol's like,
whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
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Wait a minute.
Larry, this is a big mistake.
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Larry turns to Carol and says, baby...
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[drum roll]
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I'm sorry, but a man
can't just sit around.
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- [chuckles]
- Right then and there,
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a gust of wind comes along
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and the second tether snaps in half,
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and Larry shoots off into the sky
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at a thousand feet per minute.
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Lar... uh, Carol freaks out.
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Larry is, uh, up in the sky,
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and he's like, oh, my God.
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My greatest wish has come true.
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Ron turns to Carol and says,
my God, Carol.
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We forgot to notify the FAA.
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Oh, my God. I'm so drunk.
So, uh...
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Larry gets on a CB radio
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and he's like...
[imitates radio static]
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Okay, I'm at 500 feet.
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I am now entering
federal airspace...
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[imitates radio static]
I am at 1,450 feet...
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higher than the Sears Tower...
[imitates radio static]
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I am now at 6,500 feet.
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I'm above the clouds.
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At that very moment,
two commercial airplane pi...
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[burps]
flying by.
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He's like, did you
see the game last night?
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That Fernando Valenzuela
has one hell of an arm...
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[hearty laugh]
That son of a bitch.
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And then Larry's like...
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[imitates radio static]
Now I'm at 8,000 feet.
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[panting]
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Oxygen becomes scarce
at 8,500 feet.
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He's like,
when I was a teenager,
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I experienced Beatlemania,
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but this is more like,
banana-man... mania.
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Am I right?
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And then Larry's like,
holy shit. Oh, my God.
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I'm at 16,000 feet.
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I'm three miles above sea level.
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I thought I would stop
at 7,000,
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and now I am a two...
double... two over double.
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Oh, good dear God!
Oh, what have I done?
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The pilot looks over.
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Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.
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[rock music]
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[Derek and Dough laugh]
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A guy on a lawn chair holding a gun?
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[man screaming fades]
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Carol freaks out. She's like,
Larry, you're too high.
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You're gonna get in trouble.
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But she's like, how's the view?
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And he's like, it's nice.
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It's real good, but you're right.
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It's time to come back down now.
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He takes the BB pistol.
He shoots up.
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Pew, pew, pew,
pew, pew, pew, pew...
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seven of the
42 weather balloons.
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And then he sets the gun
on his lap,
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and it falls into the sky,
and it's gone.
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And he's like, oh, my God.
Whoa, no!
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Oh, no!
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What am I gonna do now?
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Well, as it turns out,
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35 weather balloons is the
perfect amount of balloons
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to make a safe and gradual
descent into land.
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Inspiration I
lands on the power cords
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in Long Beach, uh,
and knocking out the power
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in the entire neighborhood.
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Carol runs up to him.
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Carol says, oh, my God.
Thank God you're okay.
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Gives him a big-ass hug
and is like,
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please tell me you're never
gonna do that again.
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He makes the evening news.
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He never gets charged with anything.
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The very next week,
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Larry gets a special invitation
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to be a guest on the
"Late Night with David Letterman."
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- Wow.
- Letterman says,
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wow, how does it feel
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to accomplish something that
you've always wanted to do?
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And Larry says,
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I've achieved inner peace,
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and I'm the happiest person
alive today.
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[Joey Scarbury's "Believe It or Not"]
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[out of tune] ♪ Taking me
out of the space I was in ♪
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♪ Making my wishes come true ♪
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♪ Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air ♪
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♪ Never thought
I could feel so ♪
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♪ Free-ee-ee ♪
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♪ Flying away on ♪
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♪ Balloons and a chair ♪
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Both: ♪ Who could it be? ♪
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♪ Believe it or not ♪
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♪ It's Larry ♪
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And that's now officially a parody,
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which is royalty-free,
so you can use this.
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- To Larry Walters.
- To Larry Walters.
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[glasses clank]
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Is there an Army Navy
surplus store in the area?
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[tank whooshes]
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Stay tuned for more "Drunk... "
[balloon pops]
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[laughter]
[clatter]
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Hello.
I'm Allan McLeod, and today,
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we're gonna talk about
Phineas Gage.
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Cheers, Allan.
Welcome back.
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[glasses clank]
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So, our story begans
September 1848
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in Cavendish, Vermont.
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Phineas Gage, who's the
foreman of a railroad crew...
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00:08:07,202 --> 00:08:09,202
he loves his job, and therefore,
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everybody beneath him
loves working for him.
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His workers are talking to him like,
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hey, Phineas, what do you need?
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Oh, I need my rod.
Thank you.
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I need my gunpowder.
Thank you.
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I'm just gonna
pour the gunpowder in.
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We're gonna tamp it down,
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and we're about to go
'splody-'splody with it.
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Is everybody having a good da...
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[explosion]
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So, this rod is made of iron.
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It's about 4 feet long.
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It's about an inch and
a quarter in dinameter.
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When the explosion happens,
it shoots through his head,
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00:08:37,764 --> 00:08:39,664
through his brain,
through his skull,
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00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,399
and lands a few yards away.
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But amazingly, he was conscious.
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All the workers rush up
to Phineas like, you okay?
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00:08:45,839 --> 00:08:47,672
You okay?
He's like, yeah.
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00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,674
No, I'm back.
Let's... let's get back to it.
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00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:51,843
We gotta break these rocks, son.
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00:08:51,878 --> 00:08:55,012
They're like, Phineas, we gotta
get you to the hospital, man.
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00:08:55,048 --> 00:09:00,084
So they go to the medical
office of Dr. John Harlow.
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00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,420
And doc's like,
come on in, buddy.
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00:09:02,456 --> 00:09:05,823
We gotta get all the skull debris
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00:09:05,859 --> 00:09:08,059
and loose brain out of the way,
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00:09:08,094 --> 00:09:10,628
so I'm just gonna
stick my fingers here,
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00:09:10,663 --> 00:09:14,198
and, uh, through your
brain here, and, uh, well,
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00:09:14,234 --> 00:09:16,734
I'm gonna stick my other
fingers through this thing,
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00:09:16,770 --> 00:09:19,103
and... well,
my fingers are touching now.
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00:09:19,139 --> 00:09:22,840
[laughing] It's like Chinese
finger trapping here, man.
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00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:24,776
Dr. Harlow bandages him up.
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00:09:24,811 --> 00:09:28,045
And Phineas is like,
can I have my pants now?
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00:09:28,081 --> 00:09:29,947
You can have
more than your pants now.
221
00:09:29,983 --> 00:09:32,616
You can have your shoes.
You can have your socks.
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00:09:32,652 --> 00:09:34,819
I'll even throw in your underwear.
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00:09:34,854 --> 00:09:35,987
Word starts spreading,
224
00:09:36,022 --> 00:09:38,422
gets around to this doctor
over at Harvard,
225
00:09:38,457 --> 00:09:40,591
Dr. Henry Bigelow.
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00:09:40,626 --> 00:09:44,294
Dr. Bigelow has him
do a battery of tests...
227
00:09:44,329 --> 00:09:47,497
memory tests
and motor skills tests.
228
00:09:47,532 --> 00:09:48,832
He does great on them.
229
00:09:48,867 --> 00:09:51,567
Dr. Bigelow is like, hey, you
got a clean bill of health.
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00:09:51,603 --> 00:09:53,736
This is crazy, but...
[laughs]
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00:09:53,772 --> 00:09:56,539
It looks like you can have
a traumatic brain injury
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00:09:56,574 --> 00:09:59,843
to the frontal lobe and
it's not a really big deal.
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00:09:59,878 --> 00:10:01,211
That's great news.
234
00:10:01,246 --> 00:10:04,614
The brain is resilient as fuck.
235
00:10:04,649 --> 00:10:06,917
So he goes home to celebrate
with his boys.
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00:10:06,952 --> 00:10:08,718
He's hanging out and he's like,
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00:10:08,753 --> 00:10:11,621
let's get another
motherfucking round
238
00:10:11,656 --> 00:10:14,757
of shots, baby.
239
00:10:14,793 --> 00:10:16,893
So Phineas,
what's been going on, man?
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00:10:16,929 --> 00:10:19,895
Ugh, I was just up in Boston,
man... tearing it up, dude.
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00:10:19,931 --> 00:10:22,464
I was meeting with this doctor
at Harvard... Bigelow.
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00:10:22,499 --> 00:10:24,066
He's studying me 'cause I'm, like,
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00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:25,868
basically superhuman right now.
244
00:10:25,903 --> 00:10:28,237
Fuck that, though.
Let's not even talk about that.
245
00:10:28,272 --> 00:10:30,639
Let's get some pussay!
246
00:10:30,674 --> 00:10:33,775
What? Phineas, you're
acting super weird.
247
00:10:33,811 --> 00:10:36,278
You don't seem to be
your normal self.
248
00:10:36,314 --> 00:10:38,547
What?
I'm the true me now.
249
00:10:38,582 --> 00:10:42,351
I'm my truest self.
I'm hypersexual, man.
250
00:10:42,386 --> 00:10:44,119
I'm sorry if you don't like it,
251
00:10:44,155 --> 00:10:48,090
but time to get with
the program. Let's fuck.
252
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,524
Are you okay, Phinny?
253
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,159
I'm not Phinny anymore.
254
00:10:51,194 --> 00:10:54,362
I'm Mr. Gage with the big dick.
255
00:10:54,397 --> 00:10:56,164
[chuckling softly]
256
00:10:56,199 --> 00:10:59,567
I had a man finger my head,
so I can do anything.
257
00:10:59,602 --> 00:11:00,935
I'll fuck a dog.
258
00:11:00,971 --> 00:11:03,037
[laughs]
259
00:11:03,073 --> 00:11:05,139
Uh, so anyway,
can I have my old job back
260
00:11:05,175 --> 00:11:06,607
as foreman of the railroad crew?
261
00:11:06,642 --> 00:11:09,577
I'm sorry, man. We're not
really sure you're as responsible
262
00:11:09,612 --> 00:11:11,512
as you used to be,
and I don't know.
263
00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:14,048
You just kind of changed
since the head injury,
264
00:11:14,084 --> 00:11:16,217
and we hate to say it,
but we're not gonna...
265
00:11:16,253 --> 00:11:17,585
you can't be foreman anymore.
266
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:20,588
He was like, you know what?
Fuck you guys.
267
00:11:20,623 --> 00:11:23,457
I'm taking my rod
and I'm hitting the road.
268
00:11:23,493 --> 00:11:26,059
Phineas leaves jobless.
269
00:11:26,095 --> 00:11:30,531
He sees a sign for P.T.
Barnum's museum of curiosities,
270
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:34,735
and he decides to go to New York
and become a curiosity.
271
00:11:34,771 --> 00:11:36,103
And they're like,
step right up.
272
00:11:36,138 --> 00:11:38,539
See the man who has a rod
for a best friend,
273
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:40,875
and hear a story of why
it's his best friend
274
00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:42,610
'cause it shot through
his head one time,
275
00:11:42,645 --> 00:11:44,278
and now he's got a hole
in his head.
276
00:11:44,313 --> 00:11:48,181
Bit of a long lead-up,
but just go in and see him, hey.
277
00:11:48,217 --> 00:11:51,419
He even charges extra for
people who wanna come up
278
00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:54,288
and pull his hair back
and see his brain.
279
00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:56,223
Step right up.
You wanna see his brain?
280
00:11:56,258 --> 00:11:57,391
Pay a little extra.
281
00:11:57,427 --> 00:12:01,228
You can see his pulsating,
gleaming, juicy brain.
282
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:05,532
Daddy, can I see his
gleaming, juicy brain?
283
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:08,268
Oh, Christ.
All right.
284
00:12:08,304 --> 00:12:09,937
- Jesus.
- [laughs]
285
00:12:09,972 --> 00:12:11,405
So he's on display
286
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,607
as a sideshow attraction
with P.T. Barnum.
287
00:12:14,643 --> 00:12:19,980
And Phineas eventually goes to San
Francisco to his old family farm.
288
00:12:20,015 --> 00:12:22,882
Phineas is a lot different.
His emotions have changed.
289
00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:24,751
And he's like,
I fucking love you, Mom.
290
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,925
I fucking love you, Uncle.
Yes!
291
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,622
And that's when
his uncle and his mom...
292
00:12:29,658 --> 00:12:32,559
they realized something's off
with his personality.
293
00:12:32,594 --> 00:12:34,994
He's not the same old Phineas Gage.
294
00:12:35,029 --> 00:12:37,463
And everything starts
catching up to him.
295
00:12:37,498 --> 00:12:40,066
And 12 years after his accident,
296
00:12:40,101 --> 00:12:45,137
in 1860,
Phineas Gage passes away.
297
00:12:45,173 --> 00:12:47,873
John Harlow, his first doctor,
hears about that and is like,
298
00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:51,844
hey, uh, Mama Gage.
I know this is kinda weird,
299
00:12:51,879 --> 00:12:54,180
but can I, you know,
exhume the body?
300
00:12:54,215 --> 00:12:55,948
Can I, like, dig up your son
301
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:59,418
and take his skull
and study it and...
302
00:12:59,454 --> 00:13:01,787
All I wanna do is
exhume-zoom-zoom...
303
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:05,423
[laughter]
304
00:13:05,459 --> 00:13:06,557
[snorts]
305
00:13:06,593 --> 00:13:07,959
They exhume the body.
306
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:10,128
He takes the skull of Phineas Gage.
307
00:13:10,163 --> 00:13:13,531
Dr. John Harlow actually
kept detailed diaries
308
00:13:13,566 --> 00:13:17,702
on Phineas and his progress
over the years.
309
00:13:17,737 --> 00:13:20,505
It was these diaries
that helped scientists
310
00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:24,109
make the connection between
injuries to the frontal lobe
311
00:13:24,144 --> 00:13:28,313
and personality
changes, impulse control,
312
00:13:28,314 --> 00:13:29,847
and anti-social behavior.
313
00:13:29,883 --> 00:13:31,349
Everything that's written about
314
00:13:31,385 --> 00:13:32,917
Phineas Gage's brain injury
315
00:13:32,952 --> 00:13:36,453
is important to the last 170 years
316
00:13:36,489 --> 00:13:38,890
of neuroscientific research.
317
00:13:38,925 --> 00:13:40,424
Okay.
318
00:13:40,459 --> 00:13:42,393
- Cheers.
- Believe it or not.
319
00:13:42,428 --> 00:13:44,972
Stay tuned for more
of "Drunk History."
320
00:13:47,132 --> 00:13:49,697
- [laughs]
- You okay?
321
00:13:50,835 --> 00:13:52,868
[hiccups, laughs]
Oh, boy.
322
00:13:52,904 --> 00:13:55,070
Hello, I'm...
[laughs]
323
00:13:55,105 --> 00:13:57,039
Okay, wait.
I feel like... okay...
324
00:13:57,074 --> 00:14:00,943
[laughs]
325
00:14:00,978 --> 00:14:04,580
Okay...
[cackling]
326
00:14:04,615 --> 00:14:06,248
Hello, I'm Jennie Pierson,
327
00:14:06,283 --> 00:14:11,219
and tonight, we'll be discussing
the Greenbrier Ghost.
328
00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:12,923
_
329
00:14:12,924 --> 00:14:16,825
on January 23rd, 1897,
330
00:14:16,861 --> 00:14:20,996
in Greenbrier County,
West Virginia.
331
00:14:21,032 --> 00:14:24,799
Edward Shue is toiling
in his blacksmith shop.
332
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:30,439
Suddenly, he spies a local boy
walk by, and he's like, boy,
333
00:14:30,474 --> 00:14:34,476
if you could go to my house
and check on my wife
334
00:14:34,511 --> 00:14:37,845
and ask her
if she needs anything,
335
00:14:37,881 --> 00:14:40,048
uh, from... if... sh... uh...
336
00:14:40,084 --> 00:14:44,162
[laughs]
337
00:14:44,197 --> 00:14:47,089
And ask my wife if she needs me
338
00:14:47,124 --> 00:14:50,725
to bring anything home
to her on my way home.
339
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,027
- Sounds very lazy.
- Super fucking lazy.
340
00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:56,397
So, this little boy,
like, goes to the house.
341
00:14:56,432 --> 00:14:59,133
He's like, hello?
Mrs. Shue?
342
00:14:59,168 --> 00:15:00,334
Hello?
Where is e...
343
00:15:00,369 --> 00:15:04,037
is anybody here...
Li... hello...
344
00:15:04,073 --> 00:15:07,941
and what he sees
is Edward's wife, Zona,
345
00:15:07,977 --> 00:15:09,977
dead at the foot of the stairs.
346
00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,412
[dramatic music]
347
00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:16,615
[long, high-pitched scream]
348
00:15:18,154 --> 00:15:21,822
Oh, boy. I've never seen
a dead body before...
349
00:15:21,857 --> 00:15:23,624
[Derek and Jennie laugh]
350
00:15:23,659 --> 00:15:25,526
So, a few hours later,
351
00:15:25,561 --> 00:15:29,896
Dr. George W. Knapp
arrived to examine the body,
352
00:15:29,932 --> 00:15:32,798
and finds that
Edward has already
353
00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:35,635
bathed the body and dressed it.
354
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,404
So Edward is, like, cradling
his wife's head in his arms,
355
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,473
and he's like...
[sobbing]
356
00:15:40,509 --> 00:15:43,510
My wife...
[sobbing continues]
357
00:15:43,545 --> 00:15:44,710
Oh!
358
00:15:44,746 --> 00:15:46,912
And Knapp is like, excuse me.
359
00:15:46,948 --> 00:15:49,782
Can I... excuse me, could I...
I just need to...
360
00:15:49,817 --> 00:15:52,852
I gotta check the...
if I could get into the...
361
00:15:52,887 --> 00:15:54,521
[sighing]
Oh, boy.
362
00:15:54,556 --> 00:15:57,958
So, he goes, okay, well,
since I can't really
363
00:15:57,959 --> 00:16:03,163
examine the body, I guess it
seems like she died from, um,
364
00:16:03,198 --> 00:16:05,831
ever... everlasting faint?
365
00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:08,167
And he deduced this
because he had been
366
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:11,970
treating her for "female trouble,"
367
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,838
which I guess just means,
like, cramps.
368
00:16:13,874 --> 00:16:15,340
Like, her period...
[chuckles]
369
00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:17,242
So he puts that
on the coroner's report.
370
00:16:17,278 --> 00:16:20,179
So, Zona's mother,
Mary Jane, is like,
371
00:16:20,214 --> 00:16:21,547
wait, whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait.
372
00:16:21,582 --> 00:16:26,251
Wait.
You guys, there's 100% no way
373
00:16:26,287 --> 00:16:28,287
my daughter died
from her period...
374
00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,722
[hiccups, laughs]
375
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:34,459
Okay. Four weeks later,
she felt a chill in the air.
376
00:16:34,495 --> 00:16:36,295
There was a flash of light.
377
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,963
She's like, what is going on?
378
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,300
The ghost of her daughter
appears.
379
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:44,202
Zona, the daughter,
is sorta staring at her,
380
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:47,004
and she's not saying anything,
and then all of a sudden,
381
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,640
her head starts to turn,
382
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,311
and it turns completely around...
383
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,379
all the way around.
384
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:58,316
And Mary Jane is like,
oh, my God...
385
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,351
[hiccups]
Your neck was broken.
386
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,486
So Mary Jane is like,
oh, shit!
387
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,055
Like, my daughter
got murdered by her husband.
388
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:07,458
Like, I have to go
tell somebody what happened
389
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,594
because she didn't
just die from her period.
390
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,795
That's insane...
[laughs]
391
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,331
[dramatic music]
392
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,466
So, like, the next morning,
393
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:20,804
she runs to the prosecutor,
John Alfred Preston.
394
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,140
And this prosecutor's like...
[heavy sigh]
395
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,675
[laughing] He's exhausted
because he's having
396
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,510
to prosecute everybody because
397
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,547
everyone's a nightmare in the 1800s.
398
00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:32,716
So she tells him what happened.
399
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:36,153
She's like, I know this
sounds batshit bananas
400
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:39,156
creepy crazy, but this is real.
401
00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:41,458
And he's like, I don't know
about this ghost story,
402
00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:43,660
but let...
let me look at the evidence.
403
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:45,695
He looks at the specifics
and he's like,
404
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:49,199
okay, female trouble,
everlasting faint...
405
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,902
this seems fucking suspect.
406
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:56,739
So Preston's like, Dr. Knapp,
can you come into my office?
407
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:58,574
I need you to exhume the body,
408
00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:01,110
and I need you to reexamine it
and... look at me...
409
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:04,814
I need you to do a fucking
good job this time.
410
00:18:04,849 --> 00:18:07,083
So they exhume the body.
They reexamine it.
411
00:18:07,118 --> 00:18:11,254
And he's like,
looks like her neck is broken,
412
00:18:11,289 --> 00:18:15,024
and there's finger marks
on her neck?
413
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:16,325
Oh, God.
414
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:19,929
[stammers]
She was murdered!
415
00:18:19,964 --> 00:18:22,464
I didn't do my job.
416
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,765
[snickers]
417
00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:25,566
[laughs]
What?
418
00:18:25,602 --> 00:18:28,469
So John Preston is like, well,
I guess this ghost lady...
419
00:18:28,505 --> 00:18:31,072
[laughs]
Like, was right.
420
00:18:32,337 --> 00:18:35,943
[dramatic music]
421
00:18:37,873 --> 00:18:39,706
I'm very drunk...
[laughs]
422
00:18:39,741 --> 00:18:41,675
I like that... oh...
[laughs]
423
00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:43,376
I pissed.
424
00:18:43,411 --> 00:18:44,878
[glass clanks]
425
00:18:44,913 --> 00:18:47,046
[laughs]
426
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:49,516
[snorts]
Why'd you make me piss though?
427
00:18:49,551 --> 00:18:52,619
So Edward gets arrested.
We go to the trial.
428
00:18:52,654 --> 00:18:55,889
And Preston did not wanna
put Mary Jane on the stand
429
00:18:55,924 --> 00:18:57,791
to tell the ghost story
because he was afraid that
430
00:18:57,826 --> 00:18:59,993
that would make her
look batshit crazy.
431
00:19:00,028 --> 00:19:03,096
And that is precisely
why the...
432
00:19:03,131 --> 00:19:04,998
What do you call it?
[laughs]
433
00:19:05,033 --> 00:19:07,000
Defense.
Sorry.
434
00:19:07,035 --> 00:19:09,568
- Mm-hmm, yeah, you got it.
- Oh, my God.
435
00:19:09,604 --> 00:19:12,438
I've watched so much of "Law
& Order." I should know this.
436
00:19:12,474 --> 00:19:15,341
The defense attorney...
he asks her,
437
00:19:15,377 --> 00:19:20,179
uh, apparently, you saw your
daughter come to you as a ghost.
438
00:19:20,215 --> 00:19:22,681
Why don't you tell us
about that, you dumb lady?
439
00:19:22,717 --> 00:19:25,518
And she's like,
look, I prayed for weeks
440
00:19:25,553 --> 00:19:28,954
that the ghost of my daughter
would appear to me
441
00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:31,124
and tell me
how she was murdered.
442
00:19:31,159 --> 00:19:35,761
And she finally appeared to me
and told me that
443
00:19:35,796 --> 00:19:41,433
her husband, Edward, had
broken her neck out of anger.
444
00:19:41,468 --> 00:19:42,834
That's what happened,
you guys.
445
00:19:42,869 --> 00:19:45,270
That is what happened.
446
00:19:45,305 --> 00:19:47,939
And the judge is like,
I'll allow it.
447
00:19:47,974 --> 00:19:52,977
Everybody, I allow
the testimony of a ghost
448
00:19:53,013 --> 00:19:56,781
to be allowed into
the legal court documents.
449
00:19:56,816 --> 00:20:00,318
Order, order, everybody!
Order!
450
00:20:00,354 --> 00:20:01,653
So he hits the gavel.
451
00:20:01,688 --> 00:20:05,223
The jury deliberates
for an hour and ten minutes.
452
00:20:05,259 --> 00:20:07,192
The jury foreman
comes back and is like,
453
00:20:07,227 --> 00:20:09,794
despite any concrete evidence,
454
00:20:09,829 --> 00:20:15,299
what we did hear is this ghost
testimony, and we're buying it,
455
00:20:15,334 --> 00:20:17,801
and because of that,
this guy is guilty.
456
00:20:17,836 --> 00:20:19,570
They don't have any doubt.
457
00:20:19,605 --> 00:20:22,606
The judge is like,
he's sentenced to a life in prison.
458
00:20:22,641 --> 00:20:25,242
And Mary Jane breathes
a sigh of relief...
459
00:20:25,278 --> 00:20:26,677
[relieved sigh]
460
00:20:26,712 --> 00:20:29,112
Fucking finally.
461
00:20:29,147 --> 00:20:31,647
This is the only known case
462
00:20:31,683 --> 00:20:34,417
where a testimony from a ghost
463
00:20:34,453 --> 00:20:37,853
helped convict a murderer.
464
00:20:37,889 --> 00:20:40,890
That's so insane-sounding...
[laughter]
465
00:20:40,925 --> 00:20:43,393
Never felt more insane.
466
00:20:43,428 --> 00:20:47,501
["FANTASMIC: Opening" by Bruce Healey]
467
00:20:59,644 --> 00:21:05,692
sync & correction by f1nc0
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