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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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[MATCHBOX TWENTY'S "REAL WORLD"]
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♪♪
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Good morning, sunshine!
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Come and get your Java, sleepyhead!
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♪ I wonder what it's
like to be a rainmaker ♪
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Happy anniversary, squeezy bear.
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Oh, is this for me?
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"Whitlock teacher of the year".
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Oh, I love it so gol-darn much.
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And I can put my Java in it! [LAUGHS]
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Look inside.
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- [BELL DINGS]
- There's already Java in it!
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- [GIGGLES]
- Now, wait, snugglebuggle.
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I got you something too.
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[GASPS]
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- BOTH: Mommy got a vacuum!
- Kids!
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- BOTH: Mommy got a vacuum!
- Hey, Jack?
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Aren't you glad you gave up
that silly philosophy book
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so we could just settle down in Toledo?
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Best decision of my life.
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Yeah.
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- [BABY LAUGHS]
- Another kid! [LAUGHS]
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
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- Oh!
- Your best friend is here
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to take you to work.
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Hey, hey, there he is!
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Oh, no!
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We both wore the ties
we bought together.
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- Again.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
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♪♪
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[MUSIC INCREASING IN VOLUME]
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[ALL LAUGHING MANICALLY]
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[SCREAMING]
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[ALL SCREAMING]
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Ah! Ah! Ah!
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Oh! Oh, God!
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[SIGHS]
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- Oof.
- One, two, three, four!
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♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
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♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
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♪ A.P. Bio 2x13 ♪
Kinda Sorta
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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Oh, God, it was... it was awful.
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I had... I had so
many fat Toledo babies,
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and I was teacher of the year.
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Yuck, that nightmare
was a horrifying reminder
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that I need to stay
laser-focused on my plan
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to get out of Toledo.
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It's like I've been on
an escalator, you know?
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And if I'm not careful I'm gonna get
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my shoelaces caught in that escalator.
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It's gonna pull me in
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and it's gonna grind me into a pulp.
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[SIGHS]
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Sarika, why the hell are you so happy?
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The Whitlock college fair is this week
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and the Harvard admissions
officer will be there.
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Do colleges have communal showers?
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I'm scared guys will
make fun of my flat butt.
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I did my research,
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and if the Harvard recruiter
flags my application
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I have a 17% better
chance of being accepted.
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Which should be no
problem with your help.
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[LAUGHS] Hard pass, Sarika.
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- Come on, you know that.
- Heather?
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[CLEARS THROAT] If you can
get Sarika into Harvard,
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she'll give your shiny
new manuscript to her aunt,
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who just so happens to be one
of Dean Koontz's publishers.
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Yes, you heard me right.
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Dean Mother[BLEEP] Koontz.
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I punched it up a little bit.
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I'm sorry, Sarika, why
am I just now hearing
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about this powerful aunt?
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Because you've never
had anything I've wanted
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this much before.
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- And why have Heather read it?
- She's your favorite.
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It wouldn't have worked
if it was Marcus or Caleb.
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I'm the second worst after Marcus?
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Uh-huh.
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Good.
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This is good. This is good.
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Getting my book published
is exactly what I need
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to get the hell out of Toledo.
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Guys, we're gonna help
Sarika get into Harvard.
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[DRAMATIC PERCUSSION MUSIC]
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[SLURPING]
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A fruit smoothie for lunch, Stef?
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[LAUGHS] So cool.
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Feel like I'm eating next to
a fancy Hollywood celebrity
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with body dysmorphia.
[IMITATES CAMERA SHUTTER]
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Uh, this is straight-up cough syrup.
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I woke up with a tickle
in my throat this morning
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and I cannot be sick
for the college fair.
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Ooh, someone's Navy recruiter boy toy
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is coming in again this year.
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Yes, every year we
have a whirlwind romance
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and he cleans my house.
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Ooh, I see.
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"Cleans my house" is like a sex term.
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Well, then I should
tell you that last night
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my husband, Keith, Swiffered
the dust under the couch
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for the first time in ten years.
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No, Michelle, I mean literally.
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He literally cleans my house, okay?
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He's such a disciplined military man
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that he wakes up so early
he just can't help himself
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but get up and start cleaning,
and if he knows I'm sick,
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he will not come over
and start cleaning.
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That's what I meant.
Our house is dirty too.
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He's like a strong, sexy Mary Poppins.
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- [LAUGHS]
- Ooh, yes, Admiral Poppins.
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- I'll salute you.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
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Ooh, careful, Michelle, you just durbed.
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[SIGHS]
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I'm... I'm sorry, did you
just say, uh, "durbed"?
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Yeah, as in "durbing".
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You know, when the stuff
glops out of a sandwich.
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But that's my... my name.
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- I'm Durbin.
- Mm-hmm.
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Yeah, exactly. We named it
after you three years ago
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when one of your meatball subs
blasted out onto your shirt.
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You've been saying this for three years?
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Whoop, careful,
Michelle. You're durbing.
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Oh.
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But... J-Jack knows this too?
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Well, don't be offended.
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Excuse me, I'll go eat
this out in the hall.
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- Wh...
- Oh.
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Hey, ladies, um, I just wanted
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to give you a chance
to drink this up, okay?
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'Cause it might be your last chance.
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- Pass.
- Uh, nope.
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- Return it.
- Okay, yeah, chuckle it up.
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But it looks like my book
might be getting published,
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which puts me on the next train
out of this miserable dump.
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Aww, come on, Jack. You
know you don't mean that.
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Trust me, ladies, there
is nothing in this town
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- I'll miss, okay?
- Okay.
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[TENSE MUSIC]
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Well, he clearly hasn't
been to the Toledo Zoo.
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Aww. Girl, he would definitely miss you.
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Oh, it's fine. It's totally fine.
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It's just... it's...
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♪♪
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I was at the zoo when
a panda gave birth.
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Yep, I saw a little baby panda
durb right out of the mama.
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BOTH: Aww.
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[GIGGLES]
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I can't believe this is working.
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My, oh my, oh my, aren't we
boisterous this morning?
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Gonna need some extra
shutting-up today.
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All right, guys, let's focus
on getting Sarika into Harvard
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and getting me the hell out
of Toledo holding two sacks
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of that sweet, sweet Koontz cash, right?
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Now, these days,
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good grades aren't enough
to get into Harvard,
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so we're gonna have
to trick this recruiter
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into thinking Sarika
has what she lacks most:
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charm and personality.
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Sarika, pop up. Go to the back.
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Face me, I want to show you something.
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[SIGHS]
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Now, you need to make a
really good first impression,
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and that starts the moment
that the recruiter sees you.
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So I'm the recruiter.
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Show me your approach, come on.
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This is what I'm talking about.
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So rigid, so closed off, you know?
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No. No, no, no, no.
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Can somebody in this
room please show Sarika
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how to walk with confidence?
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Marissa?
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That was confident.
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Here we go.
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[PEPPY ROCK MUSIC]
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♪♪
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Okay, Victor, don't overthink it.
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It's just like breathing.
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Oh, okay, I'm thinking
about my breathing.
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Oh, God.
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Why did you volunteer for this?
It's not your thing.
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Yes, this guy gets it.
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All right, keep going, keep going.
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You guys seeing this? All
right, now make a left.
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Just go all the way down the hall.
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All the way down?
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[DOOR CLOSES]
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♪ La-la ♪
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'Sup, mama?
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What up, big dog? How you doing?
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[CHUCKLES]
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♪♪
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[CLEARS THROAT]
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♪ Sweet rock and roll ♪
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Dan Decker. Honored to meet you, sir.
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Yes, well, good... yes.
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Welcome to Harvard.
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Wow.
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Wow. Sarika, did you see that?
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Now, these recruiters,
they also love humility,
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so why don't you start with
a self-deprecating joke.
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Guys, what can Sarika
say to criticize herself?
203
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- She's a kiss-ass.
- Bad clothes.
204
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- She's rude.
- Yes, good. Yes.
205
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Okay, we have... we have
a lot of good options here.
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All right, yeah, now, did...
did somebody say she's rude?
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- That was me.
- She is rude, you're right.
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This is going good, Sarika, trust me.
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What else, guys?
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- [BELL RINGING]
- _
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[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
212
00:07:50,154 --> 00:07:52,487
[BLOWING NOSE]
213
00:07:52,489 --> 00:07:55,490
[CHIPPER MUSIC]
214
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[CLEARS THROAT] Well, hello, Admiral.
215
00:07:58,029 --> 00:07:59,094
Stef.
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Oh, I can't wait to see you later.
217
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- Can't wait either.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
218
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,568
You okay? Your voice is a little raspy.
219
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Oh, I been smoking.
220
00:08:06,704 --> 00:08:07,803
- Huh.
- [COUGHING]
221
00:08:07,805 --> 00:08:10,138
I read a study that says
that that can be dangerous.
222
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:11,587
You been on that boat too long.
223
00:08:12,076 --> 00:08:14,508
[LAUGHS, COUGHING]
224
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:15,601
[STRAINED EXCLAMATION]
225
00:08:15,626 --> 00:08:17,645
[COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
226
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[COUGHING] I'll see you later.
227
00:08:20,650 --> 00:08:22,750
[MUFFLED COUGHING]
228
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- "Oberland".
- It's Oberlin.
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I always wished I'd gone to college.
230
00:08:27,082 --> 00:08:29,523
I know I'm not the
traditional college applicant,
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but I am the perfect one.
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Why not?
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Here's a pamphlet.
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A pamphlet?
235
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It looks like Helen Henry DeMarcus
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00:08:39,235 --> 00:08:40,903
is going to college!
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♪♪
238
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Okay, so remember what we
talked about, all right?
239
00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:50,526
I'm gonna say, "This is Sarika Sarkar.
240
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"She is our best
student, a unique talent,
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and an even better human."
242
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Then you hit them with...
243
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Oh, he's just saying that
244
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'cause teacher
evaluations are this week.
245
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Yes, then we laugh for
exactly two seconds...
246
00:08:59,788 --> 00:09:01,722
[BOTH LAUGHING]
247
00:09:01,724 --> 00:09:03,190
Then you crush some small talk,
248
00:09:03,192 --> 00:09:04,760
your app goes in the priority folder,
249
00:09:04,785 --> 00:09:07,692
and my manuscript gasses
it straight to Koontzville.
250
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- Ready?
- Yeah.
251
00:09:09,732 --> 00:09:10,833
All right.
252
00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:16,203
Well, if it isn't Nasty Jack Griffin.
253
00:09:16,205 --> 00:09:17,804
- Kate.
- [LAUGHS]
254
00:09:17,806 --> 00:09:20,207
- Bring it in, Nasty Jack.
- Okay.
255
00:09:20,209 --> 00:09:22,109
Oh, you smell good.
256
00:09:23,712 --> 00:09:26,753
Oh, well, um, I gotta go,
but it was great to see you.
257
00:09:26,778 --> 00:09:28,944
And, uh, great seeing you, Sarika.
258
00:09:29,317 --> 00:09:30,587
Yeah, I... yep.
259
00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:34,220
[CLEARS THROAT] He's just saying that
260
00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:35,756
'cause teacher
evaluations are this week.
261
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:37,658
[LAUGHS]
262
00:09:38,627 --> 00:09:40,593
♪♪
263
00:09:42,613 --> 00:09:45,381
- What the hell?
- Uh, yeah, sorry about that.
264
00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:48,217
Turns out I have a little
bit of a sexual history
265
00:09:48,219 --> 00:09:49,585
with that particular recruiter.
266
00:09:49,587 --> 00:09:52,121
Yeah, she and I used to hook
up all the time at Harvard.
267
00:09:52,146 --> 00:09:54,390
It's a little awkward now,
though, 'cause I'm kinda-sorta
268
00:09:54,392 --> 00:09:56,125
into somebody else a little, you know?
269
00:09:56,127 --> 00:09:57,627
That's not something you
guys need to know about.
270
00:09:57,629 --> 00:09:59,595
- ALL: Lynette.
- We know.
271
00:09:59,597 --> 00:10:01,666
The beautiful, beautiful payroll lady.
272
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,402
- Knock, knock.
- Hey.
273
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,270
I, uh, just wanted to let you know
274
00:10:07,272 --> 00:10:08,650
we're headed to our hotel bar.
275
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,350
- Oh.
- You should pop by.
276
00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:13,252
- It'll be like old times.
- [CHUCKLES]
277
00:10:13,254 --> 00:10:14,697
I might even...
278
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:19,258
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
279
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:20,793
[BOTH GIGGLING]
280
00:10:20,795 --> 00:10:22,595
Uh, that'd be... that'd be interesting.
281
00:10:22,597 --> 00:10:24,364
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
282
00:10:24,366 --> 00:10:25,498
Bye.
283
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,000
So they really do whisper dirty things.
284
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,170
- [WHISTLES]
- Looks like you have a second chance.
285
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,673
If you can get this
in her priority folder,
286
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:34,807
the deal is back on.
287
00:10:35,065 --> 00:10:37,612
Uh, I don't think so, Sarika.
288
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,389
Are you really gonna ruin your chances
289
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,422
at publishing your
book because of Lynette?
290
00:10:41,424 --> 00:10:43,528
A woman you kinda-sorta like?
291
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,000
You're gonna be stuck in Toledo.
292
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:47,707
Forever.
293
00:10:49,378 --> 00:10:51,425
Fine, give me the
application, all right?
294
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:53,550
I'll go do a little harmless flirting.
295
00:10:54,036 --> 00:10:56,604
But there will be no
tequila and no banging.
296
00:10:56,606 --> 00:10:59,107
Do you hear me, Sarika? I will not
bang that woman for you.
297
00:10:59,109 --> 00:11:00,174
Okay.
298
00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:02,376
[JAZZY MUSIC]
299
00:11:02,378 --> 00:11:04,343
Trick is, I take my right hand,
300
00:11:04,368 --> 00:11:06,561
and then I firmly shove
it under the starboard edge
301
00:11:06,586 --> 00:11:07,678
of the mattress.
302
00:11:07,703 --> 00:11:09,950
Ooh, mama, I need those tight corners.
303
00:11:09,952 --> 00:11:12,920
- [BOTH GIGGLING]
- Oh, hello, everyone.
304
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:13,954
Okay.
305
00:11:13,956 --> 00:11:17,124
A durb, a durb.
306
00:11:17,126 --> 00:11:21,128
Ladies and gentleman,
you have all been durbed.
307
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:24,131
No, you cannot force a new durb, Ralph.
308
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:25,865
Durbing is slop glopping.
309
00:11:25,867 --> 00:11:27,867
God, can't durbing mean anything else?
310
00:11:27,869 --> 00:11:29,402
- It's so gross.
- Oh, my God.
311
00:11:29,404 --> 00:11:31,571
Okay, if it bothers you so much,
312
00:11:31,573 --> 00:11:33,830
we'll just let the universe decide.
313
00:11:33,855 --> 00:11:37,076
Okay, so the next random,
unnamed thing that happens
314
00:11:37,078 --> 00:11:38,178
will be durbing.
315
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:39,979
Yes.
316
00:11:39,981 --> 00:11:41,248
- All right.
- [LAUGHING]
317
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:42,416
Thank you.
318
00:11:43,318 --> 00:11:44,618
I'm like, "If you have to ask,
319
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,907
you can't afford college"
320
00:11:45,932 --> 00:11:46,936
Hey, hey.
321
00:11:46,961 --> 00:11:49,289
- Hey. [CHUCKLES]
- How we doing, Kate?
322
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,157
You enjoying Toledo's finest hotel?
323
00:11:51,159 --> 00:11:52,991
Did you get the parking lot view
324
00:11:52,993 --> 00:11:54,326
or the mall's air conditioning view?
325
00:11:54,328 --> 00:11:55,994
Mall's air conditioning view.
326
00:11:55,996 --> 00:11:59,097
- It is stunning.
- Ooh. Aren't we fancy?
327
00:11:59,099 --> 00:12:00,332
- [LAUGHS]
- Look at you.
328
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:02,301
Hey, so, um, I wanted to talk to you
329
00:12:02,303 --> 00:12:03,469
about a student of mine.
330
00:12:03,471 --> 00:12:06,138
After we have some tequila.
331
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:07,275
Uh, yeah, I was afraid of that.
332
00:12:07,299 --> 00:12:09,508
Um, I'm actually sticking
to club soda tonight.
333
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,343
[LAUGHS]
334
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,312
Oh.
335
00:12:14,014 --> 00:12:15,014
Okay.
336
00:12:15,688 --> 00:12:16,820
Suit yourself.
337
00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:20,018
Wow, your skin's so hot to the touch.
338
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:21,520
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
339
00:12:21,522 --> 00:12:24,122
[COUGHING] Yes.
340
00:12:24,124 --> 00:12:26,357
[COUGHING]
341
00:12:26,359 --> 00:12:30,028
No, I am very sick, and
I was hiding it from you
342
00:12:30,030 --> 00:12:32,698
'cause I didn't want to ruin
our precious two days together.
343
00:12:33,207 --> 00:12:35,300
Stef, we're both human beings.
344
00:12:35,302 --> 00:12:38,003
We have to accept each
other's flaws and weaknesses.
345
00:12:38,528 --> 00:12:41,639
To be honest, I feel like I
might be coming down with...
346
00:12:41,641 --> 00:12:45,210
♪♪
347
00:12:45,212 --> 00:12:46,511
False alarm. [SNEEZES, FARTS]
348
00:12:47,063 --> 00:12:49,681
[LAUGHING] He just sneezed and farted
349
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:51,116
at the same time.
350
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,051
[LAUGHING] Oh!
351
00:12:53,053 --> 00:12:55,320
Oh, that's the new durbing! Yes!
352
00:12:55,322 --> 00:12:58,815
No... lis... no, no, durbing
cannot be a sneeze-fart.
353
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:00,225
That's snarting.
354
00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:01,659
I apologize for durbing.
355
00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:03,172
Please excuse me.
356
00:13:05,231 --> 00:13:07,631
Ladies, we gone.
357
00:13:07,633 --> 00:13:10,635
What about what he said about
accepting each other's flaws?
358
00:13:10,747 --> 00:13:13,514
The image of that man
washing his underwear
359
00:13:13,539 --> 00:13:15,639
in the bathroom of a two-star hotel
360
00:13:15,641 --> 00:13:18,209
is enough to make me
clean my own damn house.
361
00:13:18,211 --> 00:13:19,243
- [LAUGHING]
- [COUGHING]
362
00:13:19,245 --> 00:13:20,711
- Good night, Durbie!
- Oh. Good night, Durbs.
363
00:13:20,713 --> 00:13:21,879
Snart.
364
00:13:22,381 --> 00:13:24,148
♪♪
365
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:25,415
What up, Durbs?
366
00:13:25,417 --> 00:13:27,417
- So Lynette's here, huh?
- Yeah.
367
00:13:27,419 --> 00:13:29,987
Who's the... who's the guy she's with?
368
00:13:29,989 --> 00:13:32,223
That... that's Nico Marshak.
369
00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:33,590
He plays hockey for the Walleyes
370
00:13:33,592 --> 00:13:36,260
and he's the face of Muscle Milk.
371
00:13:36,262 --> 00:13:37,660
Are they, uh...
372
00:13:37,662 --> 00:13:39,904
Oh, they are a great-looking couple.
373
00:13:39,929 --> 00:13:42,098
I'm gonna get a picture of
them for my vision board.
374
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,001
♪♪
375
00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:46,569
Cheers. [CHUCKLES]
376
00:13:46,571 --> 00:13:48,371
Oh, yeah. You know what?
377
00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:50,439
Um, I think I changed my mind.
378
00:13:50,441 --> 00:13:52,041
I'm gonna do a tequila shot after all.
379
00:13:52,043 --> 00:13:53,509
Yes! Take mine.
380
00:13:53,511 --> 00:13:54,689
Oh, okay.
381
00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:57,313
By the way, did I mention
that this place has a hot tub?
382
00:13:58,749 --> 00:14:01,716
[LAUGHING]
383
00:14:01,718 --> 00:14:04,619
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSION MUSIC]
384
00:14:06,592 --> 00:14:08,359
[BOTH LAUGHING]
385
00:14:09,123 --> 00:14:11,134
How can you stand Toledo?
386
00:14:11,159 --> 00:14:12,173
Ugh.
387
00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:14,364
By my count, there are
12 KFCs in this town.
388
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:15,828
Well, actually 14 if you count
389
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:17,497
the combination KFC and Taco Bells,
390
00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:18,626
which I definitely do.
391
00:14:18,651 --> 00:14:20,318
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, it's crazy, man.
392
00:14:20,343 --> 00:14:22,118
It's a lot of... lot of fried...
393
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,072
Hey, I uh... I can't
even get a taco these days
394
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,607
without ordering a side
of mashed potatoes...
395
00:14:27,609 --> 00:14:28,967
- Oh...
- And gravy.
396
00:14:28,992 --> 00:14:30,025
- Gravy.
- Yeah.
397
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:31,611
Which is not bad, I mean, you know,
398
00:14:31,613 --> 00:14:33,680
that way, you're bringing
the two cultures together.
399
00:14:33,682 --> 00:14:35,147
You know, Mexican food and...
400
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,583
No, no.
401
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,251
Wait... [STAMMERS]
402
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,886
Okay, wait. Kate, Kate, Kate.
403
00:14:41,488 --> 00:14:42,555
I can't.
404
00:14:43,657 --> 00:14:45,490
I got... I'm sorry, but it's a no.
405
00:14:45,492 --> 00:14:47,593
It's a... it's a no-go.
406
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,844
"It's a no-go"?
407
00:14:49,697 --> 00:14:52,163
- Seriously?
- [SIGHS]
408
00:14:52,165 --> 00:14:53,266
Okay.
409
00:14:54,668 --> 00:14:56,668
You're not as fun as I remember.
410
00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:58,837
[MELLOW MUSIC]
411
00:14:58,839 --> 00:15:00,839
I'm sorry... [STAMMERS]
412
00:15:00,841 --> 00:15:02,708
- I, uh...
- Whatever.
413
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:04,177
I'm gonna go kill a Toblerone.
414
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:09,715
♪♪
415
00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:11,077
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
416
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:13,985
We came here to make sure
you have her my application,
417
00:15:14,259 --> 00:15:15,726
which you didn't.
418
00:15:15,751 --> 00:15:17,622
You ever need any tips
on how to seal the deal,
419
00:15:17,624 --> 00:15:18,664
just let me know.
420
00:15:18,689 --> 00:15:21,159
You were close, my man. Proud of you.
421
00:15:21,161 --> 00:15:24,229
- Yeah, what happened?
- Can't you see he's heartsick?
422
00:15:24,586 --> 00:15:26,234
His soul mate is on a date
423
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,800
with a strong, handsome milk celebrity.
424
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,135
Look, Sarika, I'm out, okay?
425
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,903
I'm sorry, I just... I couldn't do it.
426
00:15:31,905 --> 00:15:33,704
But you can still get your
application into her folder.
427
00:15:33,706 --> 00:15:34,848
I mean, at this point,
you guys should know how
428
00:15:34,872 --> 00:15:36,641
to accomplish a mission
like this on your own.
429
00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:39,144
I mean, we're... we're in a hotel, okay?
430
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:41,146
There's a million uniforms
you could use as disguises.
431
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,648
There's a... there's a computer
that literally prints keys.
432
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,017
I found pool chemicals and a net.
433
00:15:46,019 --> 00:15:47,652
Grace, what are you gonna do with that?
434
00:15:47,654 --> 00:15:49,186
We're not dissolving anybody.
435
00:15:49,188 --> 00:15:51,355
This wouldn't fully dissolve a body.
436
00:15:52,043 --> 00:15:54,243
All right, look, you guys,
437
00:15:54,268 --> 00:15:55,937
you can do this on your own, okay?
438
00:15:56,772 --> 00:15:58,512
There's someone I need to go talk to.
439
00:15:58,931 --> 00:16:01,832
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
440
00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:04,835
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
441
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:07,597
♪♪
442
00:16:11,576 --> 00:16:13,543
[PANTING]
443
00:16:13,545 --> 00:16:14,912
♪♪
444
00:16:15,591 --> 00:16:16,690
Hey.
445
00:16:16,715 --> 00:16:19,749
- Lynette.
- Jack, what are you doing?
446
00:16:19,751 --> 00:16:21,751
Uh, did... did your hockey guy take off?
447
00:16:21,753 --> 00:16:23,686
- Did he leave?
- Yeah, he just left.
448
00:16:23,688 --> 00:16:24,754
Oh.
449
00:16:25,556 --> 00:16:28,891
Uh, so it's been a
crazy couple days, huh?
450
00:16:28,893 --> 00:16:31,360
I had this, uh, weird dream
451
00:16:31,362 --> 00:16:34,130
where, uh, you and I had these
four fat Toledo babies together
452
00:16:34,132 --> 00:16:35,731
and, uh, you were super excited
453
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:37,766
because I'd gotten you a vacuum cleaner.
454
00:16:37,768 --> 00:16:39,769
And I thought maybe I didn't want that,
455
00:16:40,071 --> 00:16:43,581
uh, but maybe now I think
that it's not so bad.
456
00:16:45,376 --> 00:16:47,210
Ew. I-I don't... I don't... mm-mm.
457
00:16:47,212 --> 00:16:48,911
I don't want any of that. [LAUGHS]
458
00:16:49,061 --> 00:16:51,362
I don't even know your middle name.
459
00:16:51,716 --> 00:16:54,050
No, I know, I... [CHUCKLES]
460
00:16:54,052 --> 00:16:55,057
It's Carson.
461
00:16:56,587 --> 00:16:57,686
That's kind of cool.
462
00:16:58,088 --> 00:16:59,754
You should go by Carson.
463
00:16:59,756 --> 00:17:01,589
Lynette, I'm trying...
I'm trying to be serious.
464
00:17:01,591 --> 00:17:03,925
Jack, I heard you say
there's nothing you'd miss
465
00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:05,060
if you left Toledo.
466
00:17:07,731 --> 00:17:08,860
I would miss you.
467
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,000
Think I'm just... I'm
afraid that if I admit
468
00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,903
to liking anything in
Toledo I'll get pulled
469
00:17:14,905 --> 00:17:17,939
into the escalator gears
and ground to a fleshy pulp.
470
00:17:18,909 --> 00:17:22,944
I... I like you and I'm... [STAMMERING]
471
00:17:22,946 --> 00:17:24,779
Glad I met you, and I don't know.
472
00:17:24,781 --> 00:17:27,137
I don't know, you just... you
make me happy to be in Toledo.
473
00:17:27,161 --> 00:17:29,393
I'm just saying I don't
want to date anybody else.
474
00:17:33,756 --> 00:17:35,419
I actually feel the same way.
475
00:17:37,093 --> 00:17:38,859
- You do?
- Yeah.
476
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:43,163
That's why I-I just ended
things with Nico, so...
477
00:17:43,165 --> 00:17:44,302
You did?
478
00:17:45,968 --> 00:17:47,634
Have you guys been
dating this entire time?
479
00:17:47,636 --> 00:17:49,003
Not the whole time.
480
00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:50,804
Oh! [SCOFFS]
481
00:17:50,806 --> 00:17:52,273
We were not exclusive.
482
00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:53,874
Wow. No, I know.
483
00:17:53,876 --> 00:17:55,567
Were you not dating other people?
484
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:57,445
No.
485
00:17:57,947 --> 00:17:59,777
- Lame.
- Okay.
486
00:18:00,682 --> 00:18:01,883
God.
487
00:18:02,785 --> 00:18:04,151
- Oh, my hero.
- Yeah.
488
00:18:04,153 --> 00:18:06,119
- That's sweet.
- You're turning blue.
489
00:18:06,121 --> 00:18:07,821
[IRON & WINE'S "FRECKLED GIRL"]
490
00:18:07,823 --> 00:18:10,156
♪ Someday soon ♪
491
00:18:10,158 --> 00:18:13,727
♪ I'll just live over yonder ♪
492
00:18:13,729 --> 00:18:15,829
[GRUNTS]
493
00:18:15,831 --> 00:18:17,831
[CHUCKLES]
494
00:18:17,833 --> 00:18:19,122
Love wins.
495
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,668
♪ Crossword puzzles to ponder ♪
496
00:18:21,670 --> 00:18:25,806
♪ And I hope you're well ♪
497
00:18:25,808 --> 00:18:27,006
[BELL RINGING]
498
00:18:27,008 --> 00:18:28,708
[LAUGHTER]
499
00:18:28,710 --> 00:18:30,243
Oh, look at this.
500
00:18:30,245 --> 00:18:34,180
This sub just durbed
all over my work shirt.
501
00:18:34,182 --> 00:18:37,016
What, now you want glopping
to be known as durbing?
502
00:18:37,018 --> 00:18:38,193
I don't have any kids.
503
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,985
I... I can't have my only contribution
504
00:18:39,987 --> 00:18:41,987
to the Durbin legacy be a snart.
505
00:18:41,989 --> 00:18:44,089
Oh, are you kidding me?
506
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:47,351
They are gonna name this "GD"
high school after you someday.
507
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,836
There are two people in this world
508
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,604
that I would take a bullet
for: you and Gus Wakiama.
509
00:18:51,606 --> 00:18:54,075
He's my neighbor, and
he took a bullet for me.
510
00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:57,278
Well, took a bullet from me
'cause I was cleaning my gun.
511
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,236
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] Feels like I owe him.
512
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,599
- Jeez.
- Ah, dang it.
513
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,266
- Oberland rejected me.
- ALL: Aww.
514
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,268
They said I don't have
a high school diploma.
515
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,903
Well, yeah, because I didn't graduate
516
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:09,732
from high school, you dummies.
517
00:19:09,897 --> 00:19:14,111
Well, it looks like Helen
Henry DeMarcus is going
518
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:20,101
back to high school!
[HOLDING LAST VOWEL]
519
00:19:22,544 --> 00:19:23,643
Good luck.
520
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:27,908
Okay.
521
00:19:28,592 --> 00:19:30,959
I got so into character as a bellhop,
522
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,994
I ended up working a 12-hour shift.
523
00:19:32,996 --> 00:19:34,063
[LAUGHS]
524
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:36,298
All I care about is that
the mission was a success
525
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,833
and my application ended
up in her priority folder.
526
00:19:38,835 --> 00:19:40,869
And since it was technically your idea
527
00:19:40,871 --> 00:19:42,837
to have us disguise
ourselves as hotel staff,
528
00:19:43,204 --> 00:19:45,473
I still passed your
manuscript along to my aunt.
529
00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:47,475
- Y-you did?
- Yeah.
530
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,210
She liked it, and actually wants
531
00:19:49,212 --> 00:19:50,446
to meet with you on Tuesday.
532
00:19:50,948 --> 00:19:51,995
In New York.
533
00:19:53,116 --> 00:19:54,216
Here's her card.
534
00:19:54,662 --> 00:19:55,994
- Oh, my God.
- [GASPS]
535
00:19:56,152 --> 00:19:57,485
Way to go, Boss!
536
00:19:58,188 --> 00:20:00,154
Maybe you'll get a big
book deal and leave,
537
00:20:00,156 --> 00:20:02,323
and we'll get a real teacher
in time for the AP exam.
538
00:20:02,325 --> 00:20:05,126
Getting out, JG!
539
00:20:05,128 --> 00:20:07,462
[ALL CLAPPING]
540
00:20:07,464 --> 00:20:10,163
This is very cool.
Very, um... yeah, very...
541
00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:12,066
Very fast. F-faster than I had planned.
542
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:14,001
But, uh... which is good, it's good.
543
00:20:14,003 --> 00:20:15,070
[LAUGHS]
544
00:20:15,095 --> 00:20:17,585
So are you in?
545
00:20:18,207 --> 00:20:19,807
Am I in? Yeah... well, yeah.
546
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:21,899
Yeah, absolutely. I mean,
pretty much definitely.
547
00:20:21,923 --> 00:20:23,644
I just gotta make sure
that I'm free on Tuesday.
548
00:20:23,646 --> 00:20:24,745
I'm pretty sure I am.
549
00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:26,379
I just gotta check my...
I have a calendar at home.
550
00:20:26,381 --> 00:20:29,483
That's my... sort of my master...
I keep everything on there.
551
00:20:29,485 --> 00:20:31,351
So let me just, you
know, give it a look-see.
552
00:20:31,353 --> 00:20:33,853
But, uh, yeah, no, looks
like I could be, um...
553
00:20:35,157 --> 00:20:36,423
looks like I could...
I could be out of here
554
00:20:36,425 --> 00:20:37,524
very, very quickly.
555
00:20:37,526 --> 00:20:38,559
Yeah.
556
00:20:39,561 --> 00:20:42,195
- Mr. Griffin.
- Huh?
557
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:43,896
We have a new student for you.
558
00:20:43,898 --> 00:20:44,943
Uh, yeah, no, I know.
559
00:20:44,968 --> 00:20:46,432
She's been fitting in really well.
560
00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:47,452
Yeah, great job, new kid.
561
00:20:47,477 --> 00:20:49,178
I've been here the whole time.
562
00:20:49,203 --> 00:20:51,004
Ah, you keep saying that.
563
00:20:51,006 --> 00:20:53,862
No, but Jack, this is
somebody completely new.
564
00:20:54,542 --> 00:20:55,908
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
565
00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:58,377
- Hiya, teach!
- Have fun.
566
00:20:58,379 --> 00:21:00,113
[SQUEALS] Hi, guys.
567
00:21:00,115 --> 00:21:01,881
Oh, uh... wait, Ralph,
I'm... [STAMMERING]
568
00:21:01,883 --> 00:21:03,182
[LAUGHS]
569
00:21:03,184 --> 00:21:06,418
Advanced Placement Biology. [LAUGHS]
570
00:21:06,420 --> 00:21:09,122
Oh, I gotta go to the bathroom,
and it's an emergency.
571
00:21:09,124 --> 00:21:12,025
Excuse me, oh boy. It's called nerves.
572
00:21:12,027 --> 00:21:14,027
Plus the spinach quiche.
573
00:21:15,362 --> 00:21:18,429
[CURIOUS MUSIC]