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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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FXX presents Archer 1999.
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Woooooo!!
Rocket paaaack!
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You know how much fuel
you just wasted?
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I don't know. How much
paint did Michelangelo waste
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on the Sistine Chapel?
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Yeah, but when Mikey ran out of
paint, he didn't die in space.
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Well, let's just cross that bridge
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when we never ever cross
it because it doesn't exist.
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- Would you just trace the...
- Shut up, Lana.
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I'm trying to trace the signal.
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And it's right...
there.
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Nanotube-reinforced reactor grid.
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Man, if we can re-tune that,
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it'll sell for 18 months
of operating costs.
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And, more importantly,
a sizable bonus for us.
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First off, no.
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We badly need a restock
of Gran Classico.
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Second...
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And third, Cyril's picked up a...
What was it?
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I've got a class D ship on
a hyperbolic intercept orbit.
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- Yes, that.
- It's right there!
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For the thousandth time,
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we can't see you pointing.
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And why wasn't that
the first thing?
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Because I said
two other things first?
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All right.
We've trained for this.
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- Cyril, on guns. We need cover.
- On it.
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- Krieger, spool up hyperspace drive.
- Spooling.
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- Cheryl, get to your fighter.
- Lame.
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- Ray, you're still useless.
- You know...
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Pam, swoop in with
the gig, lasso the grid,
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and tow it to the ship.
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Pam? Pam.
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Pam!
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What?
I'm right friggin' here.
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I don't know. Maybe we got
attacked by scavengers,
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barely got out with the
power core, and... oh, right...
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I ran out of fuel
and almost died.
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- Something about a bridge...
- Who am I, Santiago Calatrava?
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- The shortstop?
- No.
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That's what I'm gonna call
my foot when it's gracefully
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yet powerfully suspended
up your ass.
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Look, I feel terrible, guys.
No more mistakes.
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I'll be the perfect
crew member from now on.
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Which is why you skipped
the debriefing?
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I said from now on.
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And came directly
to the mess hall.
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I eat my feelings?
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- Amongst everything.
- Don't be a dick.
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Why would he possibly stop now?
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It's kind of
a big part of my draw.
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Look, I just came down here
to get a leftover sandwich
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from that time we were on
Toba Station.
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Dibs!
Dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs.
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Where are you, you beautiful...
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Aah!
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What the hell was that?!
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That would be my sandwich.
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ MY-SUBS.com ~
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What do we know about it?
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Well, apparently
it's allergic to compliments.
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And ate all our food.
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The food?
But that's what we eat.
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Where did it come from?
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Well, originally it was
a sandwich from Toba Station.
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See, you eat it while
it's alive and struggling,
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but it was definitely
dead when I finished.
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- It must've regenerated.
- Be that as it may,
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we need a plan before
this gets out of hand.
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It laid eggs.
Weird, gross eggs.
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Cool, let me see!
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Uh, how many?
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I don't know.
Th-They're everywhere.
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So we've got an alien on board
that's multiplying,
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no food, and scavengers
might still be tracking us.
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Anyone have an idea
that doesn't involve
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- us dying in space?
- I vote dying.
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Archer, Lana,
you go find this thing.
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Gillette, Cheryl, gather all
the scraps of food that are left
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to see if we can make
the next spaceport.
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Krieger, study the eggs.
Try to find a weakness.
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Cyril, Ms. Archer, keep
scanning for those scavengers.
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
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I have to stride somewhere
with purpose.
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Wow. Now, I want to say
that's dumb,
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- because, well, Pam.
- Yeah, but that's...
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- Actually...
- A good idea.
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So, if I were
to hypothetically suss out
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the military applications of...
Okay, yes, I see by your faces, yes.
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Got it.
Won't do that.
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We're going to have
such adventures together.
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Yeah, that won't
come back to haunt us.
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I'll keep an eye on him.
And just kill that thing, Sterling,
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before Krieger uses it
to mutate us all into,
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let's say... space goo.
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I vote space goo.
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- So, are you gonna...
- Shh.
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Shut. Shut your mouth.
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I will not let you ruin this for me,
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like you have
so many other times.
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I. Am. Ready.
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- Ya done?
- What?
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I don't know how to do
the volume on this thing.
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I said, "ya done?"
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Oh, got it.
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I think so.
There's nothing left,
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and also I can barely move.
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And that's gonna help you
catch this thing how?
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All of this, Lana,
is totally necessary.
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Actually, let's see where it is.
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I only have another seven,
eight steps in me.
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Huh. This says
it's within two meters.
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Which would only make sense if...
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Oh, screw you,
two-dimensional display.
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Aah!
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Hey! Hey!
Lana, it's friendly.
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Also laying gross eggs.
Pretty much constantly.
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And the cloaca blooms.
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And what does that mean,
other than that you now
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have a sideline
in Georgia O'Keefe sculptures?
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The eggs contain
self-healing DNA.
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If I can isolate it, I might
unlock the secret of regeneration.
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And they called me mad.
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- Who did?
- Huh?
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- Oh, I guess I just assumed.
- Safe bet.
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So, do you want the bad news?
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- Or the what?
- Uh, there is no other news.
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- Then why did you ask?
- Rhetorical effect?
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Well, it stopped us
in our tracks, Cicero,
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so mark it as ineffective.
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Look, we don't have
enough food to make it
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to the nearest spaceport.
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Even if we carefully rationed
out the scraps here,
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we still wouldn't have...
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He... He's incorrigible.
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- Damn it, Archer.
- What?
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He said there wasn't enough
food to make it to spaceport.
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Nothing's changed.
So I accept your apology.
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Ooh! It's starting.
We'll tear ourselves apart
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with suspicion and doubt
and then eat each other!
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I call first dibs.
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- To eat or be eaten?
- Whatever. I'm not picky.
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Better sharpen those chompers.
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- I am so confused by your tone.
- Me too.
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It may not come to that.
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Using the egg,
I may have found a way
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to regenerate our cells
as we starve.
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It won't be pleasant...
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- But?
- No, I was done.
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Let me guess... there's a chance
it'll turn us into space goo?
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No! Well, yes.
Actually, it's pretty likely.
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How'd you know that?
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Because it's always
space goo with you.
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- Well, not just that.
- We should eat the eggs.
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Oh, these hook-covered,
evil-smelling
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pus sacks that just happen
to be the property
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- of my new best friend?
- But they make you feel amazing!
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Oh, God.
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But you didn't even
know we were out of food.
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So when did you
start eating those?
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Pretty much immediately.
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So, not to start
this off on the wrong foot,
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but I'm thinking
of eating your feet.
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When I said we had
to consider our options,
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- this is not what I meant.
- Well, I didn't hear
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anyone else suggesting anything.
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- Because you told me to shut up!
- And here you are, talking.
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I meant something that leaves
us with the right number of feet.
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Lana, it's offensive to call
it "the right number of feet"
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when those lacking limbs are
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- valuable members of society.
- Hey, yeah.
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It's also why you should
let me eat your feet.
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This seems productive.
Shouldn't you be scanning?
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I think Cyril's on that.
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- Not on that.
- And clean yourselves up.
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You go a few days without food,
and suddenly you look
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like a pack of Okies
matted with wet dirt.
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Uh, it's called mud,
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and why is it that you
don't care about starving?
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Oh, I've trained myself
to live on a liquid diet.
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I guess that's
the upside of having blood
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- that's basically formaldehyde.
- So you're essentially pre-embalmed.
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Okay, look, we're all hungry.
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Let's just calm down
and stop insulting Mother
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- until I think of a really good one.
- I'll mark my calendar.
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Oh, look... it's dreaming.
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Shouldn't we try eating these eggs?
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I mean, before
we drown in them?
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Not yet. Krieger says
they're loaded with all sorts
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of crazy chemicals
and God knows what.
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00:09:22,381 --> 00:09:25,341
- Pam seems okay.
- Does she?
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Anyhoo, just hang tight.
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Krieger might have something soon.
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And for God's sake,
show some restraint.
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I must be pretty hungry.
Now I'm hearing things.
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- Uh, that's not imaginary.
- Good.
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00:09:45,404 --> 00:09:47,754
'Cause I was about
to kick my imagination's ass
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for having terrible taste.
What is that?
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00:09:50,626 --> 00:09:53,803
Sounds like a piano
double-crossed the yakuza.
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♪ Struck oil from the start ♪
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00:09:59,785 --> 00:10:01,395
♪ But the real land
you stole was in my...♪
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00:10:01,439 --> 00:10:03,397
Please don't say "heart."
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00:10:03,441 --> 00:10:05,922
Start-heart is the lyrical
equivalent of light beige.
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00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:07,576
What is all this here, then?
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00:10:07,619 --> 00:10:09,621
Hey, remember when
you said I was useless?
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00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:11,710
Honestly, no,
but it does sound like me.
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00:10:11,754 --> 00:10:12,929
"All this here then"
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00:10:12,972 --> 00:10:15,105
is me finally finding
my true purpose in life.
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00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,802
Didn't you come out,
like, years ago?
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00:10:16,846 --> 00:10:18,761
Yeah, there's more to me
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00:10:18,804 --> 00:10:20,632
- than my sexuality.
- Eh.
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00:10:20,676 --> 00:10:22,895
For example, my love
of musical theater.
213
00:10:22,939 --> 00:10:24,810
And that's distinct from...
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00:10:26,638 --> 00:10:28,814
I'm writing what
I always dreamed of:
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00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:31,948
A rock musical about
the Teapot Dome Scandal.
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00:10:31,991 --> 00:10:34,341
- That is the worst idea...
- Let me finish!
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00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:37,388
- With some hip-hop elements.
- I stand corrected.
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00:10:37,431 --> 00:10:39,346
Please tell me it's not
called "Off the Dome."
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00:10:39,390 --> 00:10:40,957
Why?
Do you not like that?
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00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,350
Well, I'm proud of you
for pursuing your dream.
221
00:10:43,394 --> 00:10:44,700
Thank you very much.
222
00:10:44,743 --> 00:10:49,139
But you sure seem to have a lot
of energy for a starving person.
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- Come on, where's your stash?
- Be more specific.
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This room is basically
nothing but contraband.
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00:10:53,839 --> 00:10:56,276
- Your food stash.
- I don't have any.
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00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,627
I'm just filled with
a glowing sense of purpose.
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00:10:58,670 --> 00:11:00,716
Now, if you'll
leave me to my art,
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00:11:00,759 --> 00:11:03,632
I have to find a rhyme
with Mineral Leasing Act.
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00:11:03,675 --> 00:11:06,722
The Crédit Mobilier scandal
would be much more compelling.
230
00:11:06,765 --> 00:11:09,986
- You take that back.
- Oh, come on. Union Pacific Railroad...
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00:11:10,029 --> 00:11:12,641
one of the central guys
was named George Train.
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00:11:12,684 --> 00:11:15,513
- That writes itself.
- Nothing writes itself!
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00:11:15,557 --> 00:11:17,689
Don't listen to them.
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00:11:17,733 --> 00:11:19,865
Nothing but great calls, baby Ray.
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00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:25,610
- God, these eggs are dynamite.
- Neurological dynamite, that is.
236
00:11:25,654 --> 00:11:29,048
- Loaded with neurotransmitters.
- So what do they do?
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00:11:29,092 --> 00:11:31,224
The human brain
is fiendishly complex.
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00:11:31,268 --> 00:11:34,663
It's all neurons and
electricity and mushy parts.
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00:11:34,706 --> 00:11:37,187
- So you don't know?
- We'd have to scan someone
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00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,667
while they ate one
for the first time.
241
00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:42,888
- But that could cause anything.
- Define "anything."
242
00:11:42,932 --> 00:11:47,001
Hmm. Insanity, memory loss,
death, or a sexual syndrome
243
00:11:47,002 --> 00:11:49,852
called brainaphilia
that I just now invented.
244
00:11:49,895 --> 00:11:55,074
So testing on a live subject
would be totally unethical.
245
00:11:55,118 --> 00:11:59,296
- Let's use Cheryl.
- Wait, were we considering anything else?
246
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:04,736
- So, hitting the sauce pretty hard?
- It's not sauce.
247
00:12:04,780 --> 00:12:07,304
- I didn't think it was literally...
- It's marinade.
248
00:12:07,347 --> 00:12:09,654
Yeah. And that's how
that conversation ended.
249
00:12:09,698 --> 00:12:12,483
Hey, the map thingy says
that we're flying toward
250
00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:14,877
- the Fang Nebula.
- So it does.
251
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,922
Well, aren't there, like,
six overlapping wars
252
00:12:16,966 --> 00:12:18,097
going on there right now?
253
00:12:18,141 --> 00:12:20,447
Why do people
rob banks, Cheryl?
254
00:12:20,491 --> 00:12:22,145
If I'm remembering this right,
255
00:12:22,188 --> 00:12:25,148
it's because the action is the juice?
256
00:12:25,191 --> 00:12:27,324
Because that's
where the money is,
257
00:12:27,367 --> 00:12:29,282
and if we're
looking for salvage,
258
00:12:29,326 --> 00:12:31,676
you fly into the teeth of chaos
259
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:36,986
- and howl at the shadow of death itself.
- So say we all.
260
00:12:37,944 --> 00:12:39,685
Greetings, Rat Racers.
261
00:12:39,728 --> 00:12:42,122
How does it feel to follow
orders like robots,
262
00:12:42,165 --> 00:12:44,124
pawns in your own lives?
263
00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:47,257
- Cyril, what are you doing?
- Other than mixing metaphors
264
00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:49,782
into some kind
of smoothie-like paste.
265
00:12:49,825 --> 00:12:52,262
- As little as possible, muchacha.
- Why aren't you scanning?
266
00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:55,048
Oh, my gosh, you're right.
Hold on.
267
00:12:56,310 --> 00:12:58,138
Yep, all clear.
268
00:12:58,181 --> 00:13:01,402
We're in deep space.
Nothing's ever on the scanner.
269
00:13:02,751 --> 00:13:06,059
It's all a scam to keep you busy
while they rob you of your freedom.
270
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:09,236
Freedom to what, become
a human Jimmy Buffet B-side?
271
00:13:09,279 --> 00:13:13,349
- You mean awesome and underrated?
- No. Stop twisting my words.
272
00:13:13,350 --> 00:13:15,068
Lana, he's twisting my words.
273
00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:18,375
Can we just get to the point?
Cyril, did you find food?
274
00:13:18,419 --> 00:13:21,161
You bet I did.
Mmm, mmm.
275
00:13:21,204 --> 00:13:25,644
I came here to do two things:
eat eggs and nothing.
276
00:13:25,687 --> 00:13:29,561
And I'm not out of either.
Now get out.
277
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:34,304
- What is going on?
- I know. Why am I in the hallway?
278
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:35,697
No.
That's not what I was...
279
00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:37,264
Wait, did I just do what he said?
280
00:13:37,307 --> 00:13:40,746
Oh, no. He's the alpha.
He cares less than I do.
281
00:13:40,789 --> 00:13:43,662
I-I don't want to live
in a world where Cyril's cool.
282
00:13:43,705 --> 00:13:45,707
So, you're not worried
that our crew
283
00:13:45,751 --> 00:13:48,492
seems to be going insane
and/or starving?
284
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,886
Listen to me, I'm talking
about something important.
285
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,628
My intrinsic dominance
over other males.
286
00:13:53,672 --> 00:13:55,325
You think he'd let me groom him?
287
00:13:55,369 --> 00:13:56,675
It's something about those eggs.
288
00:13:56,718 --> 00:13:58,502
This might be
the starvation talking
289
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,853
or the fact that I don't like
the looks of your feet,
290
00:14:00,896 --> 00:14:03,333
but maybe we should
just eat the eggs?
291
00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:06,467
Everyone's acting weird, but...
I guess they're not dead, right?
292
00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:08,861
Yeah, so what's the worst
that could happen?
293
00:14:08,904 --> 00:14:10,863
Dot, dot, dot.
294
00:14:10,906 --> 00:14:13,866
How did this happen?
I hate you.
295
00:14:13,909 --> 00:14:15,215
Yeah, and I don't usually
have a thing
296
00:14:15,258 --> 00:14:17,391
- for older divorced ladies.
- Hey!
297
00:14:17,392 --> 00:14:20,002
I'm kidding. I totally have a
thing for older divorced ladies.
298
00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:22,352
Not all the time.
299
00:14:22,396 --> 00:14:23,876
It's like a...
What's the drink called?
300
00:14:23,919 --> 00:14:26,226
Like a drink you drink
between other drinks.
301
00:14:26,269 --> 00:14:31,144
- Like aperitif, but not.
- God, Cyril's gonna be pissed.
302
00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:33,102
Not digestif, that's after...
303
00:14:33,146 --> 00:14:35,148
wait, you're sleeping with Cyril?!
304
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:37,672
- And why would you care?
- I don't know.
305
00:14:37,716 --> 00:14:41,458
I guess, deep down,
I s-still care what you do.
306
00:14:41,502 --> 00:14:43,809
That's very slightly touching.
307
00:14:43,852 --> 00:14:47,508
I mean, you're my ex-wife, Lana.
What you do reflects back on me.
308
00:14:47,551 --> 00:14:50,685
Oh, this from the guy that
just called me an intermezzo.
309
00:14:50,729 --> 00:14:52,556
That's it!
"Intermezzo."
310
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,908
- That was really bothering me.
- This is a nightmare.
311
00:14:55,951 --> 00:14:58,824
Talking to you is like talking
to a very selfish rock
312
00:14:58,867 --> 00:15:01,914
- with mother issues.
- Rocks don't have moms.
313
00:15:01,957 --> 00:15:03,872
Unless you count volcanoes.
314
00:15:03,916 --> 00:15:06,483
But speaking of things
that are hard as a rock...
315
00:15:06,527 --> 00:15:08,529
Great segue.
That was pretty amazing, right?
316
00:15:08,572 --> 00:15:12,054
Unfortunately, yes.
Round two?
317
00:15:15,449 --> 00:15:17,625
Does it bother you
that it's watching us?
318
00:15:20,193 --> 00:15:21,585
Why?
319
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,306
How long do you need?
320
00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:30,734
After that sexual Iditarod?
321
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:33,659
- Two minutes, 15 seconds.
- Should we maybe discuss
322
00:15:33,703 --> 00:15:35,531
what's going on
with the ship and, uh,
323
00:15:35,574 --> 00:15:37,620
how we should
maybe do something about it?
324
00:15:37,663 --> 00:15:38,533
Now you've pushed it back
325
00:15:38,534 --> 00:15:41,275
to three with all that talk,
so might as well.
326
00:15:41,319 --> 00:15:43,495
I just want to look at it.
327
00:15:43,539 --> 00:15:45,976
Oh, my God, what's that?
328
00:15:46,019 --> 00:15:48,500
Huh.
I-I guess it was nothing.
329
00:15:48,544 --> 00:15:49,806
Oh, put a sock in it, Benedict.
330
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,895
You've fallen for that,
like, four times.
331
00:15:51,938 --> 00:15:54,245
At some point, it is your fault.
332
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:57,335
You're calling it... No.
I will not engage with that.
333
00:15:57,379 --> 00:15:59,468
Are you sure?
I've got a whole series of quips about it.
334
00:15:59,511 --> 00:16:01,905
We're under the influence
of something, right?
335
00:16:01,948 --> 00:16:04,560
I think we've just finally
discovered our true feelings.
336
00:16:04,603 --> 00:16:06,649
All the games can stop now.
337
00:16:06,692 --> 00:16:08,302
We're gonna be together forever.
338
00:16:11,675 --> 00:16:13,699
Yeah, yeah, we're egg crazy.
339
00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:15,919
Which explains why
we're setting sex records
340
00:16:15,962 --> 00:16:19,705
in both frequency and duration
and probably distance,
341
00:16:19,749 --> 00:16:22,491
- if they measured sex in that.
- So let's go talk to Krieger,
342
00:16:22,534 --> 00:16:24,493
figure out a solution
to our starvation problem
343
00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:26,495
and then get rid of these eggs.
344
00:16:26,538 --> 00:16:29,715
- Or we could just have sex again?
- Yup, probably that.
345
00:16:34,111 --> 00:16:37,593
- Krieger, I command that you scan me.
- I already am.
346
00:16:37,636 --> 00:16:39,464
Because I command it.
All is well.
347
00:16:39,508 --> 00:16:41,510
Huh, same as Gillette and Cyril.
348
00:16:41,553 --> 00:16:42,619
Tough to see brain changes
349
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,948
with all the background egg
in your blood.
350
00:16:44,991 --> 00:16:46,732
This scanner sees through clothes.
351
00:16:46,776 --> 00:16:49,169
- Why are we in our underwear?
- Why indeed?
352
00:16:49,213 --> 00:16:50,736
I did it because Pam told me to.
353
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:54,392
- Hey, me too.
- Patton couldn't lift these nuts. Hooah!
354
00:16:54,436 --> 00:16:57,264
My current hypothesis is
that these neurotransmitters
355
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:58,527
free you from mental blocks
356
00:16:58,570 --> 00:17:00,659
and let you pursue
your deepest wishes.
357
00:17:00,703 --> 00:17:02,922
- Leadership.
- Doing nothing.
358
00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:06,970
"Off the Dome."
And we're married to that title?
359
00:17:07,013 --> 00:17:08,972
Do you just live
in doorways now?
360
00:17:09,015 --> 00:17:11,365
Found this one nibbling
on a power cord.
361
00:17:11,409 --> 00:17:13,542
What are you, part Mynock?
362
00:17:13,585 --> 00:17:16,762
No. I was just trying
to tenderize myself.
363
00:17:16,806 --> 00:17:17,981
Now who's stupid?
364
00:17:18,024 --> 00:17:20,370
Can't believe we were
so wrong about you.
365
00:17:20,405 --> 00:17:21,637
Cheryl, can you step in here
366
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,324
- and put this in your mouth?
- Not gonna fall for that again.
367
00:17:25,554 --> 00:17:27,643
Damn it!
368
00:17:27,686 --> 00:17:29,732
- How do you feel?
- I don't feel any different.
369
00:17:29,775 --> 00:17:33,779
I mean, hmm, I kinda
want to blow up the ship,
370
00:17:33,823 --> 00:17:35,085
but I always want to do that.
371
00:17:35,128 --> 00:17:36,521
There goes your theory.
372
00:17:36,565 --> 00:17:38,436
No, I think
this actually confirms it.
373
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,744
Because she has no impulse control,
the eggs don't affect her.
374
00:17:41,787 --> 00:17:45,225
- That's totally unfair.
- Whuh-oh.
375
00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:47,750
Seems these eggs
are also highly addictive.
376
00:17:47,793 --> 00:17:48,881
- No, they're not.
- That's ridiculous.
377
00:17:48,925 --> 00:17:49,882
- What, these?
These eggs right here?
378
00:17:49,926 --> 00:17:53,451
Krieger, I think
it's time we took a walk.
379
00:17:53,495 --> 00:17:55,279
Ooh, I love secret plans.
380
00:17:58,064 --> 00:17:59,805
Oh, God.
381
00:17:59,849 --> 00:18:02,025
I just ejaculated dust,
382
00:18:02,068 --> 00:18:05,594
and I'm pretty sure it was
my own pulverized skeleton.
383
00:18:05,637 --> 00:18:08,945
- One more go?
- So, hey, guys.
384
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:12,122
Ugh. I would act startled
but it would probably kill me.
385
00:18:12,165 --> 00:18:14,167
Turns out those eggs
are highly addictive
386
00:18:14,211 --> 00:18:16,039
and make you act out
your deepest desires.
387
00:18:16,082 --> 00:18:18,171
Yeah, that's kind of
where we came out on it.
388
00:18:18,215 --> 00:18:21,740
- So if you'll excuse us.
- Please, don't mind me.
389
00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:24,656
Do we mind? I mean,
I could go either way.
390
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:25,962
Yes, we mind.
391
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:29,356
And I mind that this ship is
doomed if no one does their jobs.
392
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,735
Oh, come on, it's...
393
00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:35,014
- ...probably fine.
- But if this keeps up,
394
00:18:35,058 --> 00:18:36,625
we're probably
gonna die of chafing.
395
00:18:36,668 --> 00:18:38,801
Pam also locked the ship
onto a course
396
00:18:38,844 --> 00:18:40,933
for the Fang Nebula.
397
00:18:40,977 --> 00:18:43,066
♪ I am Wyoming, I am home ♪
398
00:18:43,109 --> 00:18:45,634
♪ I am America,
I'm Teapot Dome. ♪
399
00:18:45,677 --> 00:18:48,724
God, wow, that is
cask-strength ear poison,
400
00:18:48,767 --> 00:18:52,249
- but I'm still on the fence.
- Do you really want to live the rest
401
00:18:52,292 --> 00:18:55,644
of your short life in a world
where Cyril is cooler than you?
402
00:18:55,687 --> 00:18:57,689
We'll shoot the eggs into space.
403
00:18:57,733 --> 00:19:00,937
But only if you modify Benedict
so he stops laying eggs.
404
00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:02,694
He's my friend and he's staying.
405
00:19:02,738 --> 00:19:04,261
And I just realized
he's probably a she.
406
00:19:04,304 --> 00:19:05,828
There's no way for me
to know if I can even...
407
00:19:05,871 --> 00:19:07,873
He'll do it
or he goes in the recycler.
408
00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:09,832
But wait... what will we eat?
409
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:11,747
I cobbled together a formula
from stuff on hand
410
00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:13,183
and the regenerative DNA.
411
00:19:13,226 --> 00:19:15,881
It should provide enough
nutrients to get us to spaceport.
412
00:19:15,925 --> 00:19:19,319
- Really? Space goo?
- No. It's more of a slurry.
413
00:19:19,363 --> 00:19:22,279
Yeah, it's a goo.
414
00:19:24,673 --> 00:19:26,675
All right, that's the last of them.
415
00:19:26,718 --> 00:19:28,851
- Took you long enough.
- Not engaging. Not engaging.
416
00:19:29,895 --> 00:19:31,201
Engage, MF-ers.
417
00:19:31,244 --> 00:19:33,420
You'll touch that button
when I say so.
418
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,292
And guess what?
I won't.
419
00:19:35,335 --> 00:19:37,468
- How did you find us?
- Uh, I tapped into
420
00:19:37,511 --> 00:19:39,296
the shipwide surveillance system.
421
00:19:39,339 --> 00:19:41,864
Which, by the way...
pretty pissed about.
422
00:19:41,907 --> 00:19:43,735
Look, we've got to get
rid of these eggs,
423
00:19:43,779 --> 00:19:45,215
and everything
will go back to normal.
424
00:19:45,258 --> 00:19:46,651
- No.
- Screw normal.
425
00:19:46,695 --> 00:19:49,045
You think I like being a courtesan
on a salvage ship?
426
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:52,282
- I have a postgraduate degree.
- What's it called?
427
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:55,106
- A Ph. Dong?
- That's what they call it!
428
00:19:55,141 --> 00:19:58,315
I just want to do nothing and
be happy and not get yelled at!
429
00:19:58,358 --> 00:20:00,143
And I'm good at being a captain.
430
00:20:00,186 --> 00:20:03,150
I want to take some initiative
without this ding dong.
431
00:20:03,219 --> 00:20:04,582
- Hey!
- Not you.
432
00:20:04,626 --> 00:20:06,584
Doing his stupid plans.
433
00:20:06,628 --> 00:20:09,674
So, what I'm hearing is you
want Archer to be nicer or,
434
00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:13,547
alternatively, we can die in space,
as previously discussed.
435
00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:17,116
I'm thinking.
Ow, fine.
436
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,466
Jesus, your knuckles
are like filberts.
437
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,120
- Well, don't worry about food, because I...
- Christ.
438
00:20:21,164 --> 00:20:22,121
- Yup.
- You made space goo.
439
00:20:22,165 --> 00:20:23,506
- Space goo.
- Space goo.
440
00:20:23,559 --> 00:20:26,006
- Aw, my moment.
- Oh, my God!
441
00:20:26,035 --> 00:20:27,518
- Oh! Come on, man!
- Oh, the stench!
442
00:20:27,553 --> 00:20:29,825
What'd you use to make it...
human waste and garbage?
443
00:20:29,868 --> 00:20:32,915
- Hmm, not just that.
- Okay, I'm back on the egg side.
444
00:20:32,958 --> 00:20:34,090
Seriously? What about...
445
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,745
Wow. Okay.
That is powerful.
446
00:20:36,788 --> 00:20:39,486
- Cork it, electro-nuts.
- Whew.
447
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,488
L-Look, we're all happy.
448
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:45,492
Yes, maybe it's a shortcut, but
don't we deserve that once in a while?
449
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:47,930
Isn't it nice just to be together?
450
00:20:47,973 --> 00:20:49,758
To not worry about the future?
451
00:20:49,801 --> 00:20:53,065
Call it an intermezzo,
but maybe it's worth it?
452
00:20:53,109 --> 00:20:54,937
Ah, that was beautiful.
453
00:20:54,980 --> 00:20:58,114
But no, I will not gorge myself
on a highly addictive substance
454
00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:01,552
while we drift into a war zone while
listening to a shitty rock musical,
455
00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,946
because it's insane and we will die.
456
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:08,385
- Seize her.
- No, no, no...
457
00:21:08,428 --> 00:21:11,083
- No, no, no, wait!
- Hey, guys.
458
00:21:11,127 --> 00:21:14,957
Remember when you were happy?
459
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,133
No!
460
00:21:23,835 --> 00:21:25,663
- Why did you do that?!
- It turns out the eggs
461
00:21:25,707 --> 00:21:27,621
did unleash my deepest desire.
462
00:21:27,665 --> 00:21:29,798
It's to make you all miserable.
463
00:21:31,408 --> 00:21:33,018
Warning:
unknown vessel approaching.
464
00:21:33,062 --> 00:21:36,744
Cyril, what did we say about
the scanner, you colossal turd?
465
00:21:36,779 --> 00:21:40,335
- Hey, you said you'd be nicer to me.
- I never agreed to that.
466
00:21:40,370 --> 00:21:43,584
- Yes, you did.
- I obviously didn't mean it, Lana.
467
00:21:44,943 --> 00:21:47,598
Well, we're all gonna die.
468
00:21:47,641 --> 00:21:49,469
- Thanks, Lana.
- How is this my fault?
469
00:21:49,513 --> 00:21:52,908
I don't know,
but it feels good to say that.
470
00:21:52,951 --> 00:21:55,127
Hey, guys, it's Captain Brett!
471
00:21:55,171 --> 00:21:57,347
Yeah, I've been tracking
you guys for a while,
472
00:21:57,390 --> 00:22:00,045
and I thought you guys
might need some supplies.
473
00:22:01,394 --> 00:22:03,005
Wait, wait, wait, wait...
how do we know it's Brett?
474
00:22:03,048 --> 00:22:07,923
Ooh, hold on guys, I'm getting
something weird on my scanner here.
475
00:22:07,966 --> 00:22:09,663
Yeah, what are those?
476
00:22:09,707 --> 00:22:11,578
Oh, no. No, no!
477
00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:15,452
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Nooo!
478
00:22:23,765 --> 00:22:27,378
Yep, th-that was Brett.
479
00:22:29,158 --> 00:22:33,653
sync & correction by f1nc0
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