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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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_
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You're a virgin.
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I'm just a... lip virgin.
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- You set me up?
- She's a great woman.
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Hi.
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Dad? What are you doing here?
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Let's go get some grub. I'm buying.
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If you can't have one glass
of wine with your old man,
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then you've got bigger problems
than you know, buddy boy.
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Yeah, okay. Now you're
starting to get it.
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He's a good kid.
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He's just going through
some heavy stuff.
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Oh.
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That's why I came back
here, to do what dads do.
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There, there. Let it all out.
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Daddy's here.
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Mm-hmm.
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Hey! Thomas the Tank Engine,
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you want to keep that cloud
of poison to yourself?
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Uh, no worries, man. It's just water.
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Oh, just water? That's toxins, okay?
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That's propylene and arsenic and lead.
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Saddam Hussein had fewer
chemicals than that,
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and we bombed his whole country
and strung him up like a piñata.
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What do you care?
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I care because you're
blowing it all over me!
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And this shit affects all of us.
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Look at this poor son of a bitch.
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He probably looked like George Clooney
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before you crop-dusted him.
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Hey. Leave me out of this.
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Buddy, I'm trying to help you out.
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How? By pointing out I look like shit?
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You think I don't know that?
I own a fucking mirror, pal.
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Yeah, all right.
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Y-You look pretty good
for your age, actually.
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But this guy's in real trouble, okay?
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That nicotine there... That... that...
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That's more addictive than
heroin. Do you know that?
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And do you want to talk about vaping?
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You ever heard of "popcorn lung"?
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No. It comes in popcorn flavor, though.
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You're killing yourself, and you
look pretty stupid doing it.
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You look like the... the
"Quittin' Time" whistle
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at the dipshit factory, huh?
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You look like Kurt Cobain
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if he lived in a lamp
and worked for Aladdin.
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Is that... that the
look you're going for?
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Aladdin's Genie?
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Huh.
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I guess I should have
asked for three wishes.
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I did. But the wrong guy disappeared.
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
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Lately, I've been feeling angry.
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Men don't listen to me. It's crazy.
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But as a woman, I am labeled as
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"weak," "emotional," or "needy,"
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and yet in every
relationship I've ever had,
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I am the strong one.
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I'll never understand that.
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Y-You know what?
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You know what I don't understand?
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How come every time I'm at a urinal...
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Every time... The guy next to me
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just rips out this huge, loud
fart while he's pissing?
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Really? I'm over here opening
up about being a woman...
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I mean, really sharing with you guys,
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and you segue it into
a story about farts?
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Ooh! Ooh! Miss Big Words.
"Segue into farts."
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Hold on a second, Mugsy.
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I think what Claire's trying to say here
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is that women can fart, too, and
pretend that nothing happened.
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- I mean, hmm?
- Okay.
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- Whatever.
- As scintillating as this conversation is,
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does anybody have
something on their mind
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that's a little relevant?
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I got something.
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Go ahead, Cisco.
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Have you ever believed
something, like, your whole life
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and then find out it's not true,
like, family kind of stuff?
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You mean, like, when you
tell your little brother
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that he's been adopted his whole
life, but he really isn't?
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Don't even... Just go ahead.
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I've always thought I was Latino,
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you know, really saw
that as my identity.
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But now my grandmother tells me
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that we're part Native American.
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I don't know, man. Grandmas say
shit like that all the time.
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My grandma told me I was part Chinese.
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But what if this is true?
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Like, that could really change
things for me, right, Cloud?
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Like, do I have to start going
to rain dances and stuff?
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Oh, sun dances and powwows are
more common. Just saying.
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Do you know that Indian chick
on the Land O' Lakes butter?
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If you fold her knees up
just right on the box...
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it looks like she's showing her titties.
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Okay.
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Well, I think that's cool, Cisco.
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- So, what tribe are you?
- I have no idea.
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Well, you should find
out. If you're Tilulu,
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you could own part of the casino.
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Really? Is that true?
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Slow down there, young blood.
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There are many tribes in this region.
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Do you have any documentation
of your lineage
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or tribal contacts, maybe?
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No. Just what my grandma said.
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Oh, probably won't fly
down at the casino.
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Well, they... they might be
willing to comp him breakfast.
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You could do a DNA test. That
would tell you for sure.
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No, no, no, no. I ain't doing that.
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What are you scared of?
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Uh, needles, dude.
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You don't have to give blood.
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You just spit in a thing and mail it.
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I spit into stuff all the time.
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See? And you were scared.
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- Have you ever taken a DNA test?
- No.
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What are you scared of?
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I'm not scared. I just never took one.
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Well, maybe it's time for you
to face some truth, too.
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You know, walk the talk and all that.
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Okay, how about this...
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How about if you take the
test, I'll take the test?
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- Deal.
- Okay.
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Anybody else have something to share?
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What are you doing?
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For you, a good answer would
be "applying for a job."
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Ha-ha! You're a delight!
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No, we're helping Cisco
with his DNA test.
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Yours is all filled out and ready to go.
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Yeah, we just need you
to spit in this tube,
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and then we can mail it off.
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Yeah, I'm not taking a DNA test.
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What? You told Cisco
you were gonna do it.
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I was just trying to get the kid
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to do what he wanted to do anyway.
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You're a dick.
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No, no, no, no. I'm not a dick.
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I'm a friend.
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You know, sometimes as a friend,
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the most ethical thing to do
is to lie through your teeth
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and get him to do what's best for him.
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Blah, blah, blah, spit in the thing!
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No. Not a chance!
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Look, I... I toured with bands, okay?
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Rock bands with groupies.
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And booze and drugs and groupies.
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And I wasn't always so careful.
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So why do I want to
retrace my steps now?
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Christ, I could have a grown-ass
kid out there somewhere.
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Holy shit, man!
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You keep telling others not
to avoid their own truths,
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and then you turn
around and avoid yours.
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Yeah. You're right.
That is what I'm doing.
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I got to work on that.
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I got to work on facing the
truths in my own life.
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But not today.
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It really doesn't matter to me.
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I mean, you guys know
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I could give two shits
about stuff like this,
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but I've noticed recently
that a lot of us
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have been using pejorative words
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when describing people
different than us,
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and I just think maybe we
should keep an eye on that
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so no one gets offended.
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Personally, I don't give a shit.
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What the hell is he even saying?
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He doesn't want us to call his
new girlfriend the "M" word.
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The "M"... You're the one
who used the "M" word.
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Oh, that's before I got woke.
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Well, how is that on us?
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Well, I'm just trying to be safe, okay?
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Louise is coming to pick me up later.
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I don't want her to ever hear that word.
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Wow! New guy has feelings for someone.
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Ooh!
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- Hey, I-I'm not interrupting, am I?
- Yes, you are.
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Okay, good, 'cause I'm a little excited.
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Cisco's DNA results just came in.
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Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold
on. Okay, I'll give it to you.
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- Just wait a second. Hold on.
- Guys, guys, guys!
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This is not "The Maury
Povich Show," okay?
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- Cisco's gonna want to look at that in private.
- Yeah.
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Oh, I believe he is gonna want
to look at this in private.
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Wait a second. Did you open his mail?
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- 'Cause that's illegal!
- No, no, no, no.
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I-I sent in his spit, and
I thought I would be able
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to better support him
if it was bad news.
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- So I opened it...
- Bad news?
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- So I just had a little...
- What do you mean, dude?
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Come on, man. Shoot me straight.
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- Am I native American?
- Yeah, I...
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Dude, just give him the fucking papers!
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- Okay, that's...
- Holy shit!
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Okay, yes. 31% Native American.
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Holy shit! Thank you.
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- Frame it!
- Wow!
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Shit! That's...
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Wow.
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Welcome to the club, brother!
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Okay, Ben, that's enough.
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Let's get back to the meeting, please.
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Actually, uh, before we get started,
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would you mind if we had a
little word in private?
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And, uh, young lady, I think
you might want to join us.
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All right.
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Um, Ed, I don't know what
the exact protocol is
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or what channels I have to go through,
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but I was wondering how I would get a...
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- One of those blue penis pills.
- Oh.
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You know, 'cause I don't know
if I have to go to a doctor
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- or if there's a waiting...
- Here you go.
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Take it a half-hour before you need it.
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So, what's so fucking important
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that you had to interrupt the meeting?
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Uh, Claire has something to tell you.
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Yes.
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00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,680
Loudermilk, uh, you were right
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about tricking Cisco
into doing his DNA test.
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Okay.
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And we hope you feel the same
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00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,080
about us tricking you into doing yours.
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What are you talking about?
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Your results, sir.
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Very funny. I didn't give
you any spit, remember?
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00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:12,240
True dat, but, uh, Ben got one
of your hairs from the shower,
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00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:14,520
and we mailed it in.
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00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:16,800
- Huh?
- Yeah, yeah, you can do that.
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It actually costs a
little more to do hair,
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as opposed to spit, but don't worry.
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- It's our treat.
- Mine, but...
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- It's her treat.
- Bullshit.
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How do you even know it's
mine? It could be anybody's.
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Well, you're the only one with
short, black, curly hair.
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I don't have short, black, curly hair.
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Motherfucker!
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Jesus Christ.
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What's it say in here?
Do I have a kid or not?
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Sam Loudermilk, you are not a father!
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'Cause you... you said
Maury Povich in there.
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- Never mind.
- So I don't have a kid.
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00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,275
- No.
- You're sure?
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00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:48,104
- Yes.
- Okay.
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00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:50,590
Okay, well, I guess that's a...
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00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:52,080
That's a... That's a good thing to know.
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It's a... That's an egregious
invasion of privacy,
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but I guess I'm... I'm glad you did it.
249
00:09:57,340 --> 00:10:00,000
Okay, cool. That's great. We're
happy you feel that way.
250
00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:01,290
You have a brother.
251
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:04,480
What?
252
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:07,100
Are we even sure this is correct?
253
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,319
Well, it was your hair, and we...
254
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,160
we checked all the boxes
regarding relatives, so...
255
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,200
You and your brother
Clyde must think alike
256
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:16,300
because so did he.
257
00:10:16,339 --> 00:10:18,514
Uh, it's kind of magical,
if you think about it.
258
00:10:18,548 --> 00:10:20,758
Like, you were both
looking for each other.
259
00:10:20,792 --> 00:10:23,312
Except I wasn't looking
for him, remember?
260
00:10:23,346 --> 00:10:26,380
Okay, you know what?
What's done is done.
261
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,540
It doesn't change the fact
that you do have a brother,
262
00:10:28,580 --> 00:10:30,640
and he's right here in Seattle.
263
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:34,329
I just can't believe this shit
that I actually have a brother.
264
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:35,339
What are you talking about?
265
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:36,960
Your dad was up and down
the Western Seaboard
266
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:39,040
for the past 50 years banging
anything that moves.
267
00:10:39,050 --> 00:10:40,467
What's so hard to fucking believe?
268
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,520
How is this guy in
Seattle the whole time
269
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:44,160
and neither of us knew?
270
00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:46,820
I mean, I might have
walked by him 20 times.
271
00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:49,441
I bet you did. You should compare notes.
272
00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:51,200
What do you mean, "compare notes"?
273
00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:53,260
- I'm not gonna meet him.
- Are you serious?
274
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,799
- Fuck, no!
- If I had a brother here in town,
275
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:56,920
I know I'd want to meet him.
276
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,820
What if he's, like, an open-carry nut
277
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:01,315
or one of those douchebags who
thinks wearing a sombrero
278
00:11:01,350 --> 00:11:03,060
to a tequila party is a federal offense?
279
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,560
That should be a federal offense.
280
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,740
That's cultural appropriation.
281
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,639
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
- Would you wake up, Claire!
282
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,100
It's not a religious symbol.
It's a goddamn sun hat!
283
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,060
Okay, you know what? Tell you what.
284
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,240
How about this? I'll come with you.
285
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,289
Why are you always try...
286
00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:17,642
No, I don't want you to come with me!
287
00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:19,640
I want you to stay out of my business
288
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:22,230
and stop collecting my
fucking pubic hair!
289
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,980
Okay, fine!
290
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,100
You know what? I'm gonna
throw the rest away.
291
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,460
How about that?
292
00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:34,030
Okay.
293
00:11:41,839 --> 00:11:44,393
Hi. Uh, I'm Sam Loudermilk.
294
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:47,016
I'm here to see Clyde.
295
00:11:47,051 --> 00:11:49,510
Oh. Right. Yeah. Sure, come on in.
296
00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:51,710
Thanks.
297
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,200
So... is... is he here?
298
00:11:58,234 --> 00:12:00,029
Yeah, he is, but he's sleeping.
299
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:05,034
Sleeping? It's 2:00... 2:00 p.m.
300
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:07,360
Is he a drinker?
301
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:09,690
It's not a judgment.
302
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,780
I had some issues with
the bottle myself,
303
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,300
so, uh, it's not surprising
that he does, too...
304
00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:17,184
If... If he does.
305
00:12:17,219 --> 00:12:18,772
No, he doesn't.
306
00:12:18,807 --> 00:12:20,450
Okay, good. That's good.
307
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,580
Are you two married?
308
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:27,380
Um... Ju... just... just
wait right there, okay?
309
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,740
D-Don't move.
310
00:12:34,926 --> 00:12:37,998
Hello.
311
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:43,763
Wait. You're Annette?
312
00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:49,665
Wow, you... you look so familiar.
313
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:54,740
Yeah, yeah! Take it all!
Take it all! Oh, yeah!
314
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,680
Take it all! Yeah, yeah! Oh, yeah!
315
00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,180
No, no, no! Come on! Not here!
316
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,333
Sorry, but, uh, someone's
sleeping on the couch.
317
00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:03,410
- Dad, please!
- Oh, yeah!
318
00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:06,260
Oh, fuck!
319
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,270
I'm Sam Loudermilk.
320
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:14,440
You're... You and my
father, last year, had...
321
00:13:14,483 --> 00:13:15,829
Hmm.
322
00:13:15,864 --> 00:13:18,590
You met at the restaurant
that you worked at, and...
323
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:19,960
You're the lobster guy!
324
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,020
Uh, anti-lobster guy.
325
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,420
I don't like lobster.
It upsets my stomach.
326
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,600
Yes, you were with your
father, and you...
327
00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:30,440
Mm-hmm.
328
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,420
So, I did everything I could
to find out who the daddy was,
329
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,120
but, you know, like I said,
330
00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:38,980
I was going through
kind of a crazy time,
331
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,180
and some of the guys... I just
didn't have their numbers.
332
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:47,033
And the ones I did have, well,
none of them called me back.
333
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:49,420
Yeah, y-you don't have
to explain it to me.
334
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,860
People aren't very
forthcoming sometimes.
335
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:55,006
Right. That's why I
did Clyde's DNA test,
336
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,799
which I'm glad I did now because,
337
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,110
well, I guess it worked.
338
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,600
I guess so.
339
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:05,327
- Hey, Annette, he's awake.
- Yeah? Oh, okay.
340
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:08,100
So, if Clyde's father is your father,
341
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,690
that makes you Clyde's... uncle?
342
00:14:13,093 --> 00:14:14,163
Brother.
343
00:14:14,198 --> 00:14:16,303
Oh! Wow!
344
00:14:16,338 --> 00:14:18,133
But you're so much older than him.
345
00:14:18,167 --> 00:14:22,102
- Somebody's hungry.
- Clyde.
346
00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:25,692
This is your brother, Sam.
347
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,425
Okay, I-I just never understood this.
348
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:36,100
Why wouldn't they name the sun?
349
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,015
I mean, they don't call
our planet "planet."
350
00:14:38,016 --> 00:14:39,568
No, it's called Earth.
351
00:14:39,602 --> 00:14:41,708
And they name all the
other planets, too.
352
00:14:41,742 --> 00:14:43,537
Mars, Jupiter, Venus.
353
00:14:43,572 --> 00:14:45,988
And yet our sun... the
most important part
354
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,404
of our solar system...
What do they call it?
355
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,540
- The Sun!
- The moon, too, right?
356
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,270
- That deserves a name.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
357
00:14:52,305 --> 00:14:53,651
The moon's a dusty piece of shit.
358
00:14:55,584 --> 00:14:57,280
You sure you don't mind if I drink?
359
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:59,553
Oh, no, no, I like the smell.
360
00:14:59,588 --> 00:15:03,070
And I can, uh, taste it on your
lips later back at my place...
361
00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:05,420
Oh!
362
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,420
There's a lot of things we could do...
363
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,540
later back at your place.
364
00:15:09,570 --> 00:15:10,999
I'll get the check.
365
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:14,910
Oh, let me take this.
366
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,193
Hey, Philly!
367
00:15:18,860 --> 00:15:20,080
No way.
368
00:15:21,886 --> 00:15:24,544
Yeah, of course! Let's do it!
369
00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:26,940
Okay, awesome.
370
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,180
That was my friend Philly.
371
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,650
They're gonna meet us here.
372
00:15:31,689 --> 00:15:33,311
Here? But what about all the things
373
00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:35,480
I was about to taste back at my place?
374
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,569
They have extra tickets to The Shins.
375
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,840
No idea what that means.
376
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,220
It's a band. They're good.
377
00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:42,182
Don't worry, Hiram.
378
00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:45,200
We're in for a long, fun night.
379
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,084
I got to go to the bathroom.
380
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,670
Siri, how... how long does Viagra last?
381
00:15:55,690 --> 00:15:57,499
Hiram?
382
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,259
- Is everything okay?
- Oh, totally good.
383
00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:01,100
- Totally good.
- Here's the answer to your question,
384
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,341
"How long does Viagra last?"
385
00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:05,000
My Siri has Tourette's.
386
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,820
Why do you need Viagra?
387
00:16:08,139 --> 00:16:09,180
I-I don't.
388
00:16:10,980 --> 00:16:12,100
Is it me?
389
00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:14,070
Oh, God, no, it's not you.
390
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:16,280
It's... it's... it's me.
391
00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:19,300
"It's not you. It's me"?
Is there a bigger cliche?
392
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,221
No, thi... this isn't
what you think it is.
393
00:16:21,256 --> 00:16:23,085
Okay, that's a bigger cliche.
394
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,952
No, no, no. Louise, look, I like you.
395
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,780
I really like you, and I don't
want to disappoint you.
396
00:16:31,810 --> 00:16:33,959
See, when you're over 40...
397
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,960
Okay, 50...
398
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,770
You just don't know what's happening
399
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,650
all the time down there.
400
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:41,670
You scared?
401
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,003
Always.
402
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:49,920
Well... why don't we go
out to the car right now
403
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,010
and find out what is
happening down there?
404
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,980
Are you serious? Oh,
my God, that's great!
405
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,280
That's perfect!
406
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,690
Though, you know, 23 minutes
from now would be even better.
407
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:02,193
It still seems nuts to
me that I could hook up
408
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:04,500
with a 70-year-old man just one night
409
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,371
and this could happen.
410
00:17:07,405 --> 00:17:09,200
Well, it was a hell of a night.
411
00:17:10,090 --> 00:17:12,300
Are you, uh, disappointed in me?
412
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,640
No, no.
413
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,859
I-I do think that the both of you
414
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,380
could have been a little more careful.
415
00:17:18,460 --> 00:17:20,410
That's how I ended up with my other two.
416
00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:22,680
You have two other kids?
417
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,340
Yeah, they're at a sleepover.
418
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:27,340
Clem's in second grade, and
Clarissa's in kindergarten.
419
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,640
I guess I don't always
make the best choices
420
00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:31,878
when it comes to men.
421
00:17:31,912 --> 00:17:33,880
Yeah, I'd say we're pretty much
422
00:17:33,914 --> 00:17:36,020
reading the large print on that one.
423
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,574
But I am ready to do things differently.
424
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,960
I-I want to make a good life for Clyde,
425
00:17:40,980 --> 00:17:43,800
which is why I was hoping you
could help me find his dad...
426
00:17:43,820 --> 00:17:46,960
- Your dad.
- Yeah, well, good luck with that.
427
00:17:46,990 --> 00:17:48,200
I mean, I'll give you a number,
428
00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:50,980
but trying to find my dad is
like trying to find Waldo,
429
00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:53,934
if Waldo had his pants down
and owed everybody money.
430
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,020
I tried calling his
number so many times.
431
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,938
I figured it would be hard to locate him
432
00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,380
since he told me he was in the FBI.
433
00:17:59,390 --> 00:18:01,666
Wait, no, this says,
434
00:18:01,701 --> 00:18:04,600
"Jack Flash... Federal
Bikini Inspector."
435
00:18:05,705 --> 00:18:07,534
Oh, I didn't notice that.
436
00:18:07,569 --> 00:18:09,536
That's pretty funny.
437
00:18:09,570 --> 00:18:11,080
It looks so official.
438
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,120
Um, how are you doing
this all by yourself?
439
00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:16,160
You getting by?
440
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,753
Oh, yeah, I'm... You know, pretty much.
441
00:18:19,780 --> 00:18:21,280
We have enough for baby food,
442
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,280
and I get a shift meal at work.
443
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:26,240
And most of Clyde's stuff I
just get from the Dumptique.
444
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:28,072
What's that? What's a Dumptique?
445
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:29,760
That's a little shack at the dump
446
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,070
where they pull stuff out
that's still kind of good.
447
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,240
I find a lot of baby toys there.
448
00:18:36,045 --> 00:18:39,463
That's why I was hoping to
get some help from your dad,
449
00:18:39,980 --> 00:18:43,540
or, you know, anyone.
450
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:49,093
Um... how much do you need?
451
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,750
$5,000.
452
00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:52,579
- Mm. Hmm.
- I know. I know.
453
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:55,520
It's a lot of money, but
it would really help me
454
00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:57,480
baby-proof this whole place
455
00:18:57,510 --> 00:19:00,620
and get some new toys and a safer crib
456
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:02,796
and help pay for the doctor visits,
457
00:19:02,831 --> 00:19:05,799
especially the doctor visits,
and babysitting, too.
458
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:08,008
Look, I feel bad. I do.
459
00:19:08,043 --> 00:19:09,990
But I don't have a lot of money, either.
460
00:19:11,140 --> 00:19:13,980
Oh. Oh, I... Yeah, I understand.
461
00:19:14,010 --> 00:19:16,460
Yeah, it's not your problem. I know.
462
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,190
It wouldn't be fair to you,
so don't even worry about it.
463
00:19:20,228 --> 00:19:21,988
We'll be fine.
464
00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:24,640
But, uh, hey, it was
good to see you again.
465
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:27,040
And if you ever want to come
by and see your baby brother,
466
00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:28,995
just... just let me know.
467
00:19:29,029 --> 00:19:30,652
Okay.
468
00:19:33,931 --> 00:19:36,347
Okay, look, I... I... I think...
469
00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:38,940
I might have some cash
stashed away for emergencies
470
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,731
or in case of a home invasion,
471
00:19:40,732 --> 00:19:43,439
and this probably qualifies
as either or both.
472
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,800
Are you sure?
473
00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:48,820
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure.
474
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:54,660
Hey, there he is! How'd it go?
475
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,126
- Did you meet your bro?
- Yes, I did!
476
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,645
So... ? What was he like?
477
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,544
Did he look like you? What did he say?
478
00:20:01,924 --> 00:20:04,029
Hard to tell if he looks like me,
479
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:05,920
and I did most of the talking.
480
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:06,960
What's wrong, dude?
481
00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:08,649
You look like you've
been kicked in the nuts.
482
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,037
Oh, that would have been way better.
483
00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:13,550
Oh, no! Is he a bigger asshole than you?
484
00:20:14,523 --> 00:20:16,387
What is it? Is he,
like, a political nut?
485
00:20:17,077 --> 00:20:19,010
No, didn't talk politics.
486
00:20:19,045 --> 00:20:21,289
Smart. What did you guys talk about?
487
00:20:21,323 --> 00:20:24,326
Nothing. He's a baby.
488
00:20:24,361 --> 00:20:27,191
You mean like he's selfish?
Like a jerk or something?
489
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,500
Nope, like an actual baby.
490
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,780
Like a sleeping-in-a-crib,
pooping-in-a-diaper baby.
491
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,950
But how is that even fucking possible?
492
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,720
Remember when my dad was here
493
00:20:36,740 --> 00:20:38,513
and he banged the shit
out of that waitress?
494
00:20:38,547 --> 00:20:41,861
Well, their little storybook
romance bore fruit.
495
00:20:41,895 --> 00:20:44,864
Ohh! The old scumbag
made a fucking baby?
496
00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:46,320
Holy shit!
497
00:20:46,350 --> 00:20:47,740
Does your dad know about this?
498
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,920
I don't know. Like he'd give a shit?
499
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:56,519
Loudermilk. What...
what are you gonna do?
500
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,870
What am I gonna do?
501
00:20:58,910 --> 00:21:02,280
Uh, I'm gonna send her some
money and not do anything.
502
00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:04,640
It's not my problem.
503
00:21:04,677 --> 00:21:06,437
Are you comfortable with that?
504
00:21:06,472 --> 00:21:08,405
Except for the sending money part.
505
00:21:08,430 --> 00:21:09,620
Okay, you know what?
506
00:21:09,650 --> 00:21:11,280
Actually, there's an opportunity here.
507
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:13,040
How do you figure that?
508
00:21:13,060 --> 00:21:16,720
Well, Sam, you're really good
at helping people, you know?
509
00:21:16,740 --> 00:21:18,460
And I think it's
something that you enjoy
510
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,900
be... because it gives you purpose.
511
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,060
- Not really.
- And as long as I've known you,
512
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,110
you've... you've always, you
know, sort of complained
513
00:21:24,144 --> 00:21:25,525
about not having anyone.
514
00:21:25,526 --> 00:21:28,109
Well, now, through a truly weird
515
00:21:28,110 --> 00:21:31,600
and creepy set of
unwholesome circumstances,
516
00:21:31,635 --> 00:21:33,878
you... you have someone to live for,
517
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,604
you know, that actually needs your help.
518
00:21:35,639 --> 00:21:37,675
And it isn't just some stranger
because he's your br...
519
00:21:37,710 --> 00:21:39,360
He's your baby... He's
your baby brother,
520
00:21:39,390 --> 00:21:41,220
which is super fucked-up.
521
00:21:47,167 --> 00:21:50,378
So, they... they finally
open up the suggestion box.
522
00:21:50,412 --> 00:21:52,138
There's only one in there...
523
00:21:52,172 --> 00:21:54,278
"Hal should be less of an asshole."
524
00:21:56,211 --> 00:21:58,800
Hey! What are you doing here?
525
00:21:58,834 --> 00:22:00,664
I thought you'd be out
on the reservation
526
00:22:00,698 --> 00:22:02,631
dealing blackjack with
your people or something.
527
00:22:03,050 --> 00:22:04,100
Get this.
528
00:22:04,130 --> 00:22:06,049
I get all the way out there,
529
00:22:06,050 --> 00:22:08,292
and they ain't even have a casino.
530
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,460
Fuck 'em.
531
00:22:09,470 --> 00:22:11,290
Like, I don't care what that test says.
532
00:22:11,916 --> 00:22:13,849
All's they do is hunt and fish all day.
533
00:22:13,850 --> 00:22:14,880
That's not me.
534
00:22:15,620 --> 00:22:17,620
I thought I was gonna get
out there and be so proud.
535
00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:21,374
Like, how could you not
build a friggin' casino?
536
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,040
You found your heritage.
537
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:25,350
The Assiniboine...
Those are your people.
538
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,180
Your Latino family...
539
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:31,280
Those are your people
because they are you.
540
00:22:31,660 --> 00:22:33,640
What are you talking about?
541
00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:36,700
You have a great spirit within you
542
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:39,300
that has been handed down
for many generations
543
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:40,840
from many different people.
544
00:22:40,870 --> 00:22:43,300
You need to embrace them all.
545
00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:45,119
That's easy for you to say, man.
546
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,450
You're full-blooded Tilulu.
547
00:22:46,770 --> 00:22:49,320
Tilulu? From the casino?
548
00:22:49,330 --> 00:22:50,810
So you're rich.
549
00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:54,260
I'm an alcoholic.
550
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,180
Money...
551
00:23:06,626 --> 00:23:10,389
it doesn't change who you are inside.
552
00:23:12,110 --> 00:23:15,340
Uh, if you're not proud of yourself,
553
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,900
of who you are, money means nothing.
554
00:23:20,778 --> 00:23:23,540
But I am proud now.
555
00:23:23,574 --> 00:23:25,611
So, yes, I-I am rich.
556
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,399
Yeah, Cloud, but your
tribe has everything.
557
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,999
It's not about the tribe.
558
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,517
It's about you, about who you are.
559
00:23:35,552 --> 00:23:38,244
You haven't accepted
any part of yourself.
560
00:23:38,278 --> 00:23:42,524
And until you do, happiness will
always be a stranger to you.
561
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:48,110
If you don't love yourself,
562
00:23:48,150 --> 00:23:53,432
if you don't love your own
blood, no one can love you.
563
00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,200
Oh, hey.
564
00:24:09,220 --> 00:24:11,140
I thought you were Phyllis. She's late.
565
00:24:11,170 --> 00:24:12,740
Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't call.
566
00:24:12,770 --> 00:24:14,520
I-I was just doing some errands,
567
00:24:14,550 --> 00:24:17,640
and I thought I'd, uh, stop
by and see how Clyde's doing.
568
00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:20,144
Yeah. Oh, too bad.
I-I just put him down.
569
00:24:20,145 --> 00:24:22,150
He'd have been excited to see you.
570
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:26,220
Uh, listen, I've been doing
a lot of thinking lately,
571
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,419
and I-I would really like to
be a part of my brother's life
572
00:24:29,420 --> 00:24:31,930
if, uh... if that's okay with you.
573
00:24:31,940 --> 00:24:35,440
Of course! Oh, that would be nice!
574
00:24:35,470 --> 00:24:38,860
Yeah, I... You know, I was a
little shell-shocked before,
575
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,135
but, um, none of this
is that baby's fault.
576
00:24:42,170 --> 00:24:43,482
Or anyone's, really.
577
00:24:43,516 --> 00:24:46,208
Well, it's a little bit
yours, but, uh, you know,
578
00:24:46,243 --> 00:24:49,142
the... the truth is, is
that Clyde's my family.
579
00:24:49,177 --> 00:24:51,351
You don't turn your back
on flesh and blood.
580
00:24:51,386 --> 00:24:53,215
He and I are connected forever.
581
00:24:53,250 --> 00:24:54,840
Yeah, especially when you consider that
582
00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:56,160
you were literally there
583
00:24:56,180 --> 00:24:58,480
at the moment of his actual conception.
584
00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,780
Remember?
585
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,260
Yes, that's seared in my brain,
586
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,536
along with 9/11 and the
space shuttle blowing up.
587
00:25:03,571 --> 00:25:05,676
But, um, you know, in
spite of that, I just...
588
00:25:05,711 --> 00:25:09,473
I... I don't want to have that
kid growing up with the kin...
589
00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:12,200
I'm sorry. What is going on up top here?
590
00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:14,547
There's something very different.
591
00:25:14,582 --> 00:25:17,481
- You noticed!
- The... You got a boob job?
592
00:25:17,510 --> 00:25:19,120
Yes! Thanks to you,
593
00:25:19,140 --> 00:25:21,440
that money that you gave me
almost covered all of it!
594
00:25:21,554 --> 00:25:24,240
Are you fucking shitting me?
595
00:25:24,730 --> 00:25:27,905
That money was supposed
to be for the baby!
596
00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:29,980
- These are for the baby!
- No.
597
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,393
You said it was for diapers
and clothes and doctors
598
00:25:33,428 --> 00:25:35,430
and toys that didn't come from the dump,
599
00:25:35,460 --> 00:25:37,400
not... not plastic boobs.
600
00:25:37,420 --> 00:25:39,710
He's gonna have all those things!
601
00:25:39,740 --> 00:25:41,520
God, don't you see? These
are an investment.
602
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:44,094
An in... An invest... You know what?
603
00:25:44,128 --> 00:25:46,372
I have never once heard
an accountant say,
604
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,460
"Put all your money in fake jugs."
605
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,066
Never once. Okay, it's like this.
606
00:25:51,070 --> 00:25:53,520
So, Janine at work... She
has enormous breasts.
607
00:25:53,530 --> 00:25:55,940
And she always gets twice
as many tips as I do.
608
00:25:55,980 --> 00:25:58,840
So one night, I was doing
some financial planning,
609
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,350
and I thought to myself, "If...
if I had tits like Janine's,
610
00:26:02,380 --> 00:26:03,940
"I could double my income."
611
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:05,060
Yes, because I forgot that
612
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,520
you went to Harvard Business School.
613
00:26:07,255 --> 00:26:09,084
You... you think I'm stupid.
614
00:26:09,580 --> 00:26:10,940
Nope, nope.
615
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,080
There's somebody in this
room that's stupid,
616
00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:14,740
but it's not you.
617
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,860
This is gonna work!
618
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,956
I'll show you! I'll show you!
619
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,372
I'll show everyone! A-And
you'll be proud of me!
620
00:26:23,305 --> 00:26:25,549
Oh, shit! Clyde's awake!
621
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,378
Where is Phyllis?
622
00:26:32,310 --> 00:26:33,679
Look, look, I'm sorry,
623
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,619
but could you just
please sit with the baby
624
00:26:35,620 --> 00:26:36,940
until my sitter gets here?
625
00:26:36,980 --> 00:26:40,700
What? No. I don't... I'm sure
she'll be here any minute.
626
00:26:40,730 --> 00:26:43,140
I really can't wait. I took a
week off for the procedure,
627
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,979
and I cannot be late
on my first day back.
628
00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:45,989
You don't even know me.
629
00:26:45,990 --> 00:26:47,440
Why would you trust me with him?
630
00:26:47,470 --> 00:26:48,990
'Cause you're his brother.
631
00:26:50,670 --> 00:26:53,600
No, can't... can't you just go in there
632
00:26:53,620 --> 00:26:55,130
and calm him down or... ?
633
00:26:55,165 --> 00:26:57,270
If I go in there, he will
never go back to sleep.
634
00:26:57,305 --> 00:26:59,997
He'll just be pawing at me,
trying to get at my boobs,
635
00:27:00,032 --> 00:27:02,586
- just like your dad.
- Oh, good God.
636
00:27:02,590 --> 00:27:04,780
Look, I promise it won't
be more than 10 minutes.
637
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,580
He'll calm down if you just
sit and talk with him.
638
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,160
Please?
639
00:27:10,870 --> 00:27:12,769
You're all I've got.
640
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,620
Okay. Okay. Okay.
641
00:27:15,650 --> 00:27:18,291
Thank you! Thank you!
642
00:27:18,326 --> 00:27:20,730
Ow! Aah, I can't hug yet.
643
00:27:21,050 --> 00:27:23,140
- I got to go.
- Wait a second. Wait.
644
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,560
What... what do I even say to him?
645
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:25,999
Oh, it doesn't matter. He's a baby.
646
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,220
Just say anything you want.
647
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:29,648
Bye.
648
00:27:32,996 --> 00:27:34,791
Hey, buddy.
649
00:27:36,102 --> 00:27:38,277
How you doing?
650
00:27:38,310 --> 00:27:43,620
Sam Loudermilk. I'm your,
uh, your big brother.
651
00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:47,629
That sounds weird.
652
00:27:47,630 --> 00:27:49,640
Um...
653
00:27:49,660 --> 00:27:51,980
Yeah, I... You probably
don't remember me.
654
00:27:52,015 --> 00:27:54,811
You were sleeping, but I saw you
the other night, and, uh...
655
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,400
It doesn't matter. Um...
656
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,080
Yeah.
657
00:28:04,140 --> 00:28:07,320
Hey, what do you think of
your mom's new rack, huh?
658
00:28:12,510 --> 00:28:13,660
Yeah!
659
00:28:14,380 --> 00:28:15,790
How you doing?
660
00:28:17,060 --> 00:28:19,730
Hey, "I decided not to cry."
661
00:28:22,390 --> 00:28:24,119
What's that fuss about, anyway?
662
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:25,830
You, uh...
663
00:28:25,850 --> 00:28:31,739
You cold or scared or...
you don't feel safe?
664
00:28:31,740 --> 00:28:33,440
Maybe like nobody's listening to you
665
00:28:33,470 --> 00:28:37,888
and looking out for you?
666
00:28:39,570 --> 00:28:45,020
Like you're all alone in the
world and nobody cares?
667
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,720
Yeah, me, too.
668
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,690
You'll get used to it.
669
00:28:54,700 --> 00:28:59,700
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
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