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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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_
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I saw Ben and Memphis talking,
and then he kissed her.
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Did you really think you were
going to be able to run off
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with my ex-wife and get married
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and never tell me about it?
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That was the plan, yes.
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Ben is a good man! He's
terrified of hurting you!
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Dude, get your shit together.
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- You hitting that?
- No, you kidding me.
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I'm not ducking Allison.
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We just haven't been able to connect.
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You haven't talked to her
since you boned her?
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That's not cool.
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- Yes?
- You're not Allison.
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I should be thanking
you for staying away.
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It gave me time to think
about what I really need.
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- Which is?
- A life with Carl.
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My work here is done.
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- Fuck you.
- This is not working.
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We got to go back to what was working.
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You abandoned the group!
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This isn't about Loudermilk.
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This is about us.
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We need this.
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Wh... What the hell?
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Hey. Hey!
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- Oh, morning, sunshine.
- What the fuck?
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You trashed my room, man!
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Oh. That... That wasn't me.
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That was the crazy chicks that I
brought back here last night.
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And me.
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Wake up!
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Last call!
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Jack coke?
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I just dreamt about you.
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Man, you got to get your
shit together, Loudermilk.
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And you start by cleaning
up my fucking room!
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You alive?
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
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Fuck this shit.
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Claire, get in here.
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What?
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I know the last roommate you
had was a raging crackhead,
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so I understand that you
might be up on the whole
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"considerate roommate" thing,
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but I feel like we need to set
up some ground rules here.
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So...
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Chore wheel.
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Didn't realize you were so crafty.
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Yeah, I also knitted the refrigerator.
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So here's how it works.
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These are chores that on
any given day one of us
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is going to be responsible for doing.
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Why do we need this?
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Because I found a seagull in your room,
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and I want to take care of this
before it goes and tells its friends.
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Oh, fuck off, man!
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So you'll notice on my
side, you will see tasks
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such as take out the
trash, wash my dishes,
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pick up my clothes, things like that.
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Your side I made a little simpler.
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_
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Why?
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_
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You're so ridiculous! It's
not even that bad in here!
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- It looks fine.
- Fucking disgusting in here.
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I found socks in the microwave.
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Yeah, I was drying them
after I stepped in
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Mr. Ellis' ferret piss in the lobby.
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You put ferret piss in the microwave?
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I heat Hot Pockets in there.
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No... No wonder they taste like...
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Ferret piss.
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Now I got to write another letter
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to the Hot Pocket people.
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Look, I'm not the only
slob in here, okay?
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What about your "writing" stuff?
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I'm working on something productive,
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so that's a moot point.
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You know what "moot" means?
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Clean up your shit 'cause
you're a fucking slob.
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I know what "moot" means. God.
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What's going on with you, Loudermilk?
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I just told you. I'm pissed off
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because your shit is everywhere.
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No, it's more than that.
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Something happened in New Orleans.
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- Duh.
- No, not that.
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It's something up here.
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Ever since we've been back,
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you've been all, like, bipolar-y.
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Seriously.
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You don't leave the house
unless you're going to meetings
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or you're going to work,
and when you're home,
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you have your headphones
in pretending to write
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or you're listening to Danger
Mouse's Spotify playlist
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because Allison kicked you to the curb.
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You're like a... recluse.
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I'm not like a recluse.
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I am a recluse.
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That's by design.
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If you want to stay here, then you...
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You got to figure this shit out
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because it's not working for me.
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What if I don't want to stay here?
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There's the door.
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You're the suckiest
roommate I've ever had.
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Really?
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Worse than the guy that
married your wife?
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Shit.
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Good evening.
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Hey, I'm sorry about the racket, Levon.
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I'm just having one of
those days, you know?
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You seem to have a lot of those days.
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Yeah, well, you don't have any
roommates or you'd understand.
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I do not. I live alone
since my wife pass away.
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Lucky bastard. That's the life, right?
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Uh, living by yourself
can be nice at times.
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Yeah, I bet.
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A solitary life is the
life of a philosopher.
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For sure.
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And despite what society
make you believe,
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you can be on your own
and not be lonely.
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Exactly.
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On the other hand, if there's
no one in your life,
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you could die alone,
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and no one would find you for weeks.
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I guess that that's true, yeah.
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- Yeah.
- And if you have a pet,
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it will almost certainly eat you
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after you pass away, out of necessity.
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I'll allow it.
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And then the pet would
eventually die, too,
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and he'd be eaten by
rats, probably larvae.
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And that's why living alone
isn't always a good thing.
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Levon, is your lease month to month?
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No, I got a good deal.
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Five years.
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Awesome. That's... I got to run.
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Bucolic is a misleading word, huh?
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What do you mean?
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Well, it means "beautiful and pastoral,"
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which are nice things,
but it sounds horrible,
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like "I got bucolic."
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It sounds like puke, colic,
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and colonic, all mixed together.
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I think it sounds like a
Serbian basketball player.
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Okay, anybody else who wants to share?
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Yeah. Uh, I'll go.
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So, um, a buddy of mine
invited us over to, uh,
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his place on Sunday to watch the game.
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He has this great man cave set up, man.
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You know, big-screen TV,
keg, everything, right?
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My buddy's also a really good cook.
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He made these, uh, wasabi hot wings.
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This shit's hot enough
to melt your balls off.
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Uh, sorry, Claire.
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But I didn't until I took a
bite one of them, right?
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Now, he didn't have enough to
drink on hand except for beer,
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and I can't risk taking a sip, right?
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So I look over, man,
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and I see his dog's water bowl.
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I just dive in, man.
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You know, I'm just
drinking all that water,
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like the dog fur and
saliva and puppy chow.
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Just wash it all down, man.
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Nastiest thing I ever did in my life,
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but I'll be damned if I took a drink.
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All right. You get him
next time, Stevie.
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- Just back on the horse.
- No, no, no.
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Man, I... I... I didn't
take a drink, man.
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I didn't fall off that
motherfucking horse.
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Oh, okay. Okay. I want
to hear from Mugsy.
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Oh, no. I'm... I'm good.
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Yeah, you sure?
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Nothing out of the ordinary last night?
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Nope.
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Typical, uh, Friday night.
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Okay. It's important
to be open and honest
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in this group.
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I... I... I know that.
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Why... Why am I getting
the third degree?
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Okay. What did you do last night?
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Uh, um, oh, I, uh, watched television.
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Yeah? What did you watch?
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The, um...
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Uh, Wild Wild West.
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Yeah? The movie or the old TV show?
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TV.
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00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,460
Oh, you know, I follow Bob
Conrad on social media.
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He has a great feed.
Really, really great.
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- I thought he was dead.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
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Oh, here's his latest one.
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"I don't care what the kids say.
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"WWW will always stand
for Wild Wild West.
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"I miss Ross Martin every day."
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So, here's what I think happened, Mugsy.
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I think you had a tough week at work,
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and you went out to blow off some steam.
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Before you know it, you
had a couple of drinks,
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you lost track of time,
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and you woke up in the
clothes you went out in.
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Yeah, they call that the Irish pyjamas.
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And then you came straight here.
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How'd I do?
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Holy shit.
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Oh... Okay. I had a little slip,
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but I didn't want to disappoint
the group. I'm sorry.
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00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:53,190
Don't apologize to us.
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00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,570
Disappointment is what we're here for.
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00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,360
I went out with a couple of
my old drinking buddies,
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and they're not exactly
the best influences,
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00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:06,340
and, uh, I might have had a...
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00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:08,500
A drink... A couple of...
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00:10:08,510 --> 00:10:11,210
We had a few... We had...
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00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:13,589
We did some drinkin'.
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Loudermilk, how do you do it?
218
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,890
It's like you have a sixth sense.
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00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:21,120
Dude, he's got a fucking
dart stuck in his head.
220
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,599
- Yeah.
- What?
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00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,590
- Whoa.
- The other side.
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00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,050
Other side.
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00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,700
- Ow! God! Ow.
- How deep is that in there?
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00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,390
Pretty God damn deep
from where I'm sitting.
225
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,609
It looks like it's hitting grey matter.
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00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,080
That's what she said.
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00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:38,880
You know, I...
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00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:41,609
I had this copper taste
in my mouth all morning.
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00:10:41,610 --> 00:10:43,619
Ow! Ow! God.
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00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:45,250
Best way to do it, man, like a BAND-AID.
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00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:47,120
Right off.
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00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:50,130
You can't lie to the
group, Mugsy, all right?
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00:10:50,140 --> 00:10:51,310
Owning up to what you've done
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00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,730
is always the first step, okay?
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00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,130
And you can't blame your friends either.
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00:10:55,140 --> 00:10:56,140
This is your choice.
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00:10:56,150 --> 00:11:00,810
This is about personal
responsibility in everything, right?
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00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:03,770
If you hypothetically... If
you were leaving your shit
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laying around in somebody's apartment,
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you should pick it up, hypothetically.
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00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,630
Or if you had a drink in New Orleans,
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and you never came clean to the group,
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00:11:13,410 --> 00:11:15,650
maybe you should, hypothetically.
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00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:17,649
Whoa, whoa. What...
What's she talking about?
245
00:11:17,650 --> 00:11:19,110
Let's not get off-track here.
246
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,640
We just had a guy with a dart in
his head. I think we should...
247
00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:24,010
You said this was a safe space, right?
248
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,820
Or is it not a safe space
if someone's coming at you?
249
00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:29,659
I got to hide that Sober Friends
workbook from you, don't I?
250
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:31,659
Hey, cut out the bullshit, Loudermilk.
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00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:33,670
- What happened?
- Yeah.
252
00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:40,620
Okay. You're... Claire's right.
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00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:44,000
This is a safe space.
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00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,240
When I was in New Orleans, I had a shot.
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00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:50,610
I puked it up right away.
256
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:51,930
Okay, cool. Five-minute rule.
257
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:53,010
No, it's not cool.
258
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:55,290
There's no five-minute
rule with booze or drugs.
259
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:56,610
No, no. Claire's right.
260
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,010
It doesn't matter that I puked it up.
261
00:11:58,020 --> 00:11:59,680
What matters is that I drank it
262
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:03,000
because I thought I needed
it to get through something,
263
00:12:03,010 --> 00:12:06,080
and that tells me that I
got a lot of work to do,
264
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,699
and I always will.
265
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,699
What kind of shot was it?
Was it tequila?
266
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,699
No, it was... It was bourbon,
267
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:13,709
but that... That's not the point.
268
00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:15,220
Was it just great?
269
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,310
No, it wasn't great. It was horrible.
270
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,700
There was nothing great about it, okay?
271
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,360
It means that a lot of you guys now
272
00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:25,330
have been cleaner for
longer than I have, so...
273
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:31,710
I'm gonna have to rely on you and, um,
274
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:36,480
I need you to get my back, okay?
275
00:12:37,140 --> 00:12:38,680
- Yep.
- All right.
276
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,730
Hey, Mugsy. How's that head doing, man?
277
00:12:42,740 --> 00:12:44,590
Eh, it's starting to feel better.
278
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,830
- Oh, my...
- Shit!
279
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,180
That looks like it hit an artery!
280
00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:49,720
Don't worry. I used to date an EMT.
281
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,750
What are you...
282
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:57,749
Hey, man.
283
00:12:57,750 --> 00:12:59,330
Can I have a sec?
284
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:00,690
Well, I'm kind of off the clock.
285
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,770
- Okay.
- No, no, no.
286
00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:04,690
Come here. I'm fucking with you.
287
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:05,759
What's up, Cisco?
288
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,100
I just need some advice,
like lady advice.
289
00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:13,990
You do realize that my ex-wife
was stolen by my ex-best friend,
290
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,660
and then I blew it with
my ex-hot-neighbor, yeah?
291
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:19,770
Yep. You're still my
best option, though.
292
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,560
That was...
293
00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:24,840
Fair enough. What's the deal?
294
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:27,430
There's this girl I
really want to ask out.
295
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,010
I just don't know how.
296
00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:31,520
Just say, "Hey, want to go out?"
297
00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:34,290
Thanks, dude.
298
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:35,790
You make it sound so easy.
299
00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:39,789
- Who's the girl?
- Ah, just this girl from group.
300
00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:41,690
- What group?
- This group.
301
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,270
We don't have any... Hey, hey, hey!
302
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,800
Come here!
303
00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:48,620
You're talking about Claire?
304
00:13:48,630 --> 00:13:50,240
No.
305
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,490
You're not dating Claire. No.
306
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,300
The two of you would
be like Sid and Nancy.
307
00:13:54,910 --> 00:13:56,800
Okay. Here we go.
308
00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:58,100
This is where you get mad at me
309
00:13:58,110 --> 00:13:59,809
for not knowing who Sid and Nancy are.
310
00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:02,600
What are they, like, Muppets?
311
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:05,280
Look. Here's the deal.
312
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,810
Addicts dating addicts,
313
00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:09,560
recipe for disaster.
314
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,130
Because you slip up, she
looks the other way,
315
00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:14,990
and then she expects the
same thing from you...
316
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,490
It's a total shit show.
317
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:20,890
She's the only one in the
group that I have a...
318
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,310
connection with.
319
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,100
That's because she's the only one
in the group with a vagina...
320
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,350
Most likely.
321
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,380
That's what you think this
is about? Getting laid?
322
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,590
What's wrong with
getting laid? I like her.
323
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,210
What's wrong is you don't
date people in the group.
324
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:39,840
Look, I'm a 19-year-old Latino male.
325
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:41,080
My life is half-over.
326
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,850
I need to start living, and besides,
327
00:14:42,860 --> 00:14:44,950
Claire and I both have our 90-day chip.
328
00:14:45,860 --> 00:14:47,100
Isn't that how it works?
329
00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:49,850
Yeah, technically, but...
330
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:51,650
And where's your 90-day chip?
331
00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:53,870
Oh, that's right. You
don't have it anymore.
332
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:12,880
- Aah!
- Move. Move, move, move.
333
00:15:12,890 --> 00:15:14,770
What the hell, man?
334
00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:18,880
There.
335
00:15:18,890 --> 00:15:21,230
Okay, so I set off a
flea bomb in your room.
336
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,890
What? I don't have fleas.
337
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:26,380
- Precautionary measure.
- All my shit's in there.
338
00:15:26,390 --> 00:15:28,240
What if I want to change
my clothes or something?
339
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:31,140
Well, just take one off
the lamp or the floor.
340
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,300
Get it out of the microwave.
341
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,520
You're an asshole.
342
00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:37,240
Hey, I, uh...
343
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:39,900
I saw you talking to Cisco
during break yesterday.
344
00:15:39,910 --> 00:15:40,990
Uh-huh?
345
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,490
Are you just shooting the shit?
346
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,919
- Yep.
- Yeah, bullshit.
347
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,530
- He was asking me out.
- Okay, look.
348
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:51,490
Cisco's a great kid, but
he's got a lot of issues,
349
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,929
and he's one slip away from a big fall,
350
00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:55,530
and I don't mean one of
the Humpty Dumpty ones
351
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,370
where I just put him
back together again.
352
00:15:57,930 --> 00:16:00,790
No, they couldn't put Humpty
Dumpty back together.
353
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,270
Well, then, he's in worse
shape than I thought.
354
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:07,280
Look, it doesn't matter
because I said no.
355
00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:08,830
Well, good. That's smart.
356
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,180
A-Addicts don't make for good partners.
357
00:16:11,190 --> 00:16:14,480
But if I wanted to go
out with him, I would.
358
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,400
God, Loudermilk.
359
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:18,210
Between all the cleaning
the apartment shit
360
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:19,510
and telling me who I can date,
361
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,949
it's getting a little
Amish-y around here.
362
00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:23,240
I can do what I want.
363
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,070
That's your big mistake, all right?
364
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,610
This is not about you.
365
00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:28,540
This is about your recovery.
366
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:29,959
What?
367
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,540
My recovery is about me.
368
00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:35,760
You're always talking about
taking responsibility.
369
00:16:35,770 --> 00:16:38,760
Well, that's what I'm doing
by making my own decisions.
370
00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:41,969
You know what?
371
00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:45,979
Since I can't get into
my room until tomorrow,
372
00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:47,979
I'm going to go for a night out.
373
00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:51,080
Hey, maybe Cisco's free.
374
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:53,420
Aw, thanks, Loudermilk.
375
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,430
All right. Uh, anything
else before we wrap up?
376
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,590
I keep thinking about what
those assholes did to Mugsy,
377
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,330
and I think we need to
do something about it.
378
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,690
What did they do?
379
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:07,970
They threw a fucking dart in his head!
380
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:09,340
He almost bled out!
381
00:17:09,350 --> 00:17:11,510
Okay, so what are we
supposed to do about that?
382
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,170
Nothing major, just
rough them up a little.
383
00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:15,100
Maybe shove a Foosball guy up their ass.
384
00:17:15,110 --> 00:17:16,290
That sounds like fun.
385
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,870
I haven't been in a good rumble since...
386
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,009
Since what? Since your sister
dated one of The Sharks?
387
00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:21,570
Guys, come on.
388
00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:24,019
Violence is not the answer.
389
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:25,530
What about wars?
390
00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,760
If we hadn't gotten into World War II,
391
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:30,740
something tells me we'd
all be speaking Chinese.
392
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,770
Yeah, well, I'll see your World War II,
393
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:34,760
I'll raise you a Vietnam and two Iraqs.
394
00:17:34,770 --> 00:17:36,470
Terrible conflicts,
395
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,710
but we got some great
movies out of them, though.
396
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,020
Hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Y'all see Hurt Locker?
397
00:17:41,030 --> 00:17:43,210
Oh, Jeremy Renner's
performance haunted me.
398
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:45,740
Guys, focus! All right?
399
00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:48,039
Going back for revenge
is a terrible idea.
400
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,860
You got to learn to let
things go and forgive.
401
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,280
That... That's what we're
doing here, remember?
402
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,980
Now, as a guy who's been sober
403
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,490
longer than our esteemed leader,
404
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,420
I say forgiveness is bullshit.
405
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:01,900
He slips one time, and now you
ain't going to listen to him?
406
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,320
Well, you got to do something about it.
407
00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:05,790
I'm with Tony. I mean, think about it.
408
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,690
That kind of shit could
put someone's eye out.
409
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:09,700
Exactly. Who's up for this?
410
00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:12,059
Guys, guys, come on.
411
00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:14,019
These are my friends
you're talking about.
412
00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:15,050
Friends?
413
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,490
These so-called friends
did a real number on ya!
414
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:23,100
Listen, I know Gary, he
has had it in for me.
415
00:18:23,110 --> 00:18:26,350
And... And I'm starting to
get these bits and pieces.
416
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,430
Somebody was holding my arms.
417
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,850
Somebody was doing that,
418
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,080
and somebody was jamming
a dart in my head,
419
00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:36,650
and along the way, I lost my wallet,
420
00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:38,089
I lost my phone.
421
00:18:38,090 --> 00:18:40,550
It... It was Gary. It
was Gary and Leska!
422
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,470
They jacked you for your
phone and your wallet,
423
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:43,600
put a dart in your skull?
424
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,120
- Come on, son.
- Yeah, fuck you!
425
00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:46,610
No, not you. Fuck them!
426
00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:48,099
- Fuck 'em!
- That's what I'm talking about!
427
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,639
I carry an ax handle in my car
428
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:50,990
for just such an occasion.
429
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,770
I got a harpoon in my truck.
430
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:54,109
- It's untraceable.
- Really?
431
00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:55,810
There's that many harpoons?
432
00:18:55,820 --> 00:18:57,690
How about you, New Guy? You in?
433
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,210
Oh, come on, man.
434
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,480
Hobbits are a peaceful-loving
race. He ain't gonna fight.
435
00:19:02,110 --> 00:19:04,119
Hell, yeah, I'm in. Hell, yeah!
436
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:07,100
You mess with the bull,
you get the balls.
437
00:19:07,110 --> 00:19:08,110
Yes.
438
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,320
We're gonna get in my
van, and we're gonna...
439
00:19:10,330 --> 00:19:14,129
We're gonna shove some
Foosball guys in their asses!
440
00:19:14,130 --> 00:19:16,130
- Hell yeah!
- Yeah! Get 'em!
441
00:19:16,650 --> 00:19:19,640
Let's fucking do it!
I'm taking my own car.
442
00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:35,180
How the fuck did you get
this number? I'm working.
443
00:19:35,190 --> 00:19:36,730
You got to stop them.
444
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,149
What... What are you talking about?
445
00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:41,320
They turned into an angry
mob as soon as you left.
446
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,320
At 7:30, we're all gonna meet at a bar
447
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:46,159
to try to find the guys
who messed with Mugsy.
448
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,159
I'm... I'm worried someone
is going to get really hurt.
449
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,740
Yeah, you mean you?
450
00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,290
Well, yeah. I can't get into a fight.
451
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:52,570
I have brittle bones.
452
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,510
What the hell does that even mean?
453
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:55,980
It means my bones are brittle.
454
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,169
When I was in the second
grade, I jumped into a sandbox
455
00:19:58,170 --> 00:19:59,540
and broke both my legs.
456
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:01,740
- Well, then, don't go.
- I have to go.
457
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:03,570
If I don't, they'll think I'm a sissy.
458
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:04,580
You are a sissy.
459
00:20:04,590 --> 00:20:07,340
You broke both your legs in a
sandbox, for Christ's sake.
460
00:20:07,350 --> 00:20:09,990
Oh, that is not funny,
Loudermilk. It was horrible.
461
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,179
For six months, I had to
go to school in a wagon.
462
00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:14,450
All right. Where... Where...
Where's this place?
463
00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:16,570
- Kids called me Laura Ingalls!
- Shut up.
464
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,700
Just text me the address
where they're going,
465
00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:20,330
and if you get there before me,
466
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:22,190
don't jump in any sandboxes.
467
00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:26,199
♪ So we don't have to
think about the way... ♪
468
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,199
I'm really stoked that you changed
your mind about going out.
469
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,190
We're not going out.
470
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,680
- It's just a dinner.
- Of course.
471
00:20:33,310 --> 00:20:34,730
Yeah, but I'm paying.
472
00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:36,820
I got a pretty sweet deal on a Groupon,
473
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,650
and later, if we want,
474
00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:41,440
we can get our teeth whitened
with, like, 12 other people.
475
00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:42,730
Cool.
476
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:46,220
♪ I'll need much help to decide ♪
477
00:20:48,220 --> 00:20:49,530
I'm sorry. I didn't ask you.
478
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,340
How old were you when you
lost your virginity?
479
00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:54,090
- What?
- Like, your virginity.
480
00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:55,560
Like, when you first got popped.
481
00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:59,390
- You're really shitty as small talk.
- Me?
482
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,810
You're the one not getting
the ball back over the net.
483
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:06,239
♪ Feels good to sit down ♪
484
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,730
♪ After years of standing up ♪
485
00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:09,760
Do you miss it?
486
00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:13,300
Nah, I don't even really
think about it much anymore.
487
00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:16,690
Yeah, fuck yeah, I miss it all the time.
488
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:19,070
But that tray smells like heaven.
489
00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:21,730
Oh, you know, in a cartoon,
where there's the pie
490
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:24,259
and the smoky finger saying,
"Come smell the pie"?
491
00:21:24,260 --> 00:21:28,160
I'm saying that over
that tray right now.
492
00:21:28,170 --> 00:21:30,700
Yeah. Me, too.
493
00:21:31,860 --> 00:21:34,269
But, um, things are
better now, you know.
494
00:21:34,270 --> 00:21:35,710
Being sober.
495
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:38,850
Yeah, yeah. Definitely better.
496
00:21:40,270 --> 00:21:42,260
Were you ever into coke?
497
00:21:42,270 --> 00:21:44,390
Oh, yeah. If somebody's
offering it, sure,
498
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,750
but it's kind of pricey for me.
499
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,610
I was about that crack and booze.
500
00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:51,890
Yeah, I used to get high
501
00:21:51,900 --> 00:21:53,870
as soon as I started
cutting up the lines.
502
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,380
I mean, before I even had any,
503
00:21:55,390 --> 00:21:58,780
and then... It was
just the anticipation.
504
00:21:58,790 --> 00:22:01,390
It just... And then I'd
end up in the corner
505
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,770
talking to someone I hate about
how we got to hang out more.
506
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:05,870
Just... Just stupid.
507
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,030
Well, yeah.
508
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,480
We should talk about something else.
509
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,910
Yeah, yeah.
510
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,299
All right, and are you ready to order,
511
00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:15,950
or are you just here for
the bread and the water?
512
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,460
Um...
513
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:21,480
I'll have the eggplant parmesan.
514
00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:23,290
Excellent. And you, sir?
515
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,260
Surprise me.
516
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:30,680
Okay. Two eggplant parmesans.
517
00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:33,070
Dude, I just said surprise me.
518
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:37,150
I don't know.
519
00:22:38,330 --> 00:22:39,890
Okay, guys.
520
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,740
We're not leaving until
I get some answers.
521
00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:46,339
All right, guys. Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
522
00:22:46,340 --> 00:22:47,610
Come on.
523
00:22:47,620 --> 00:22:51,210
- How did you find us?
- What does it matter?
524
00:22:51,220 --> 00:22:54,340
This isn't going to end
well, and we all know it.
525
00:22:54,350 --> 00:22:57,170
All right, look. What's...
What's the play here, Mugsy?
526
00:22:57,180 --> 00:22:58,910
You gonna go all Road House in here?
527
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,650
Yeah. Maybe.
528
00:23:01,660 --> 00:23:03,380
Look, I don't know.
529
00:23:03,390 --> 00:23:05,950
All I know is I can't let whoever
did this get away with it.
530
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,590
- Why not?
- Aw, I say we find the sons of bitches
531
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,070
- and mess them up.
- Yeah!
532
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,359
All right, Ahab. Take it easy.
533
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:15,810
The... Look. This is your call.
534
00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:18,610
You want to fight? Fight.
535
00:23:18,620 --> 00:23:21,240
But just be sure you
know what you're doing.
536
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,470
Hey! Hey.
537
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:29,230
I was in here the other night
with, uh, Leska and Gary.
538
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,379
Have you seen 'em?
539
00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:32,380
Hey, hey, hey. There he is.
540
00:23:32,390 --> 00:23:33,940
It's Bull's-eye.
541
00:23:33,950 --> 00:23:35,510
Hey, that's fucked up, man.
542
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,090
They're laughing at you and shit?
543
00:23:38,390 --> 00:23:40,830
Bet you didn't expect to see me again.
544
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,490
No, but we were hoping you'd come back.
545
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,390
We're missing a dart, and some
of the regulars want to play.
546
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,100
That's funny. That's a good joke.
547
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,399
Is the guy who did this in here?
548
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,760
Uh, yeah.
549
00:23:54,770 --> 00:23:56,410
Yeah. Where?
550
00:23:56,860 --> 00:23:58,770
'Cause I want to kick his ass.
551
00:23:58,780 --> 00:24:03,190
Well, I hope you're double-jointed
552
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:04,419
'cause it was you.
553
00:24:04,420 --> 00:24:07,310
♪ See the things that I do without you ♪
554
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,830
You seriously don't remember?
555
00:24:10,420 --> 00:24:12,310
You were challenging everyone to pool,
556
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,050
but you didn't have any
change for the table,
557
00:24:14,060 --> 00:24:16,240
so you bet some guy a buck
you could hit a bull's-eye
558
00:24:16,250 --> 00:24:17,830
from across the room.
559
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,010
You threw the dart, it hit the jukebox,
560
00:24:20,020 --> 00:24:21,650
bounced off the ceiling fan,
561
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:23,810
and flew back and stuck in your head.
562
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,740
Your buddies tried to get you to leave,
563
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:29,930
but everyone wanted to
take a picture with you.
564
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,730
A couple of guys were holding
you up to take the photo,
565
00:24:32,740 --> 00:24:34,590
and the dart came out, and you insisted
566
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,980
they put it back in for you.
567
00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:39,720
Then you stumbled out
of here without paying,
568
00:24:39,730 --> 00:24:42,450
and you left your wallet and
your phone on the pool table.
569
00:24:42,460 --> 00:24:44,470
Okay. Okay.
570
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,770
Okay. Do you see?
571
00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:49,110
Do you see?
572
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,970
No one can ever hurt us as badly
as we can hurt ourselves.
573
00:24:54,470 --> 00:24:56,469
You guys looking for backup?
574
00:24:56,470 --> 00:24:58,470
'Cause I brought a couple
of friends for ya.
575
00:24:59,860 --> 00:25:02,950
You got Romeo and Juliet,
576
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,540
because when you mess with them,
577
00:25:04,550 --> 00:25:06,479
it always ends in tragedy.
578
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,540
Hey, Jean-Fraud. Calm
down. It all worked out.
579
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:14,460
Good, good because today's
your lucky fucking day, man!
580
00:25:14,490 --> 00:25:16,350
'Cause when I get into a scrum,
581
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,480
Romeo puts on their jammies,
582
00:25:18,490 --> 00:25:21,480
and Juliet puts 'em to bed.
583
00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:23,730
Aah!
584
00:25:23,740 --> 00:25:26,500
Aah!
585
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,390
He has brittle bones.
586
00:25:31,850 --> 00:25:35,460
Well, I'm sorry. This is
kind of a shitty date.
587
00:25:35,470 --> 00:25:37,500
All we talk about is drugs and booze.
588
00:25:37,510 --> 00:25:39,670
I've been on way shittier.
589
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,610
Really? Thanks.
590
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,519
Do you want to listen to some music?
591
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:49,770
I hate to admit it,
592
00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:52,140
but Loudermilk's turned
me onto some good stuff.
593
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:53,880
Sure.
594
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,790
Can I have this dance? Like
in the movies and shit?
595
00:26:22,140 --> 00:26:24,030
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
596
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,270
I'm a shitty small talker,
but I'm an awesome dancer.
597
00:26:29,770 --> 00:26:30,920
Why not?
598
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,990
♪ I've been talking to myself ♪
599
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,670
♪ I'm talking to me ♪
600
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,740
♪ I'm in front of her ♪
♪ So why can't she? ♪
601
00:26:50,580 --> 00:26:53,200
♪ Why can't she see? ♪
602
00:26:53,210 --> 00:26:57,990
♪ She's the best thing ♪
♪ She makes me fall down ♪
603
00:26:58,590 --> 00:27:00,070
So...
604
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,830
When did you lose your cherry?
605
00:27:03,670 --> 00:27:05,590
Let's just dance.
606
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,760
♪ ... for me ♪
607
00:27:22,610 --> 00:27:24,410
How did it go?
608
00:27:24,420 --> 00:27:25,590
Oh, I'm pregnant.
609
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,300
Ha, ha. Seriously.
610
00:27:27,310 --> 00:27:28,840
He didn't try anything funny, did he?
611
00:27:29,380 --> 00:27:32,230
Of course he did. He's
a 19-year-old dude.
612
00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:33,710
And?
613
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,860
And nothing.
614
00:27:36,630 --> 00:27:39,210
Told him I wasn't ready
for a new relationship.
615
00:27:39,220 --> 00:27:42,110
We danced in the park a
little and called it a night.
616
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:43,730
Danced in the park?
617
00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:46,740
You danced in your front
park or your back park?
618
00:27:46,750 --> 00:27:48,490
That's gross.
619
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,640
Hey, listen. I...
620
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,150
I just wanted to say that, uh, you...
621
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,430
You were right to call me out in group.
622
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:57,930
Really?
623
00:27:57,940 --> 00:28:00,650
Should I be recording this
for posterity or something?
624
00:28:01,650 --> 00:28:04,320
I recognize that, uh...
625
00:28:04,330 --> 00:28:07,860
That I... I... I push
people away, and it's...
626
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,270
It's something I got to work
on 'cause it only hurts me.
627
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:12,990
And I got to work on getting along with,
628
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:16,670
uh, you and the world
at large and, uh...
629
00:28:17,810 --> 00:28:20,670
'Cause I don't want a cat
eating me when I die.
630
00:28:21,430 --> 00:28:22,670
You know what I mean?
631
00:28:23,470 --> 00:28:24,679
I don't.
632
00:28:31,860 --> 00:28:35,130
Twenty bucks says it's Cisco looking
for another dance in the park.
633
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:40,689
Hey, Sam.
634
00:28:41,730 --> 00:28:46,730
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