00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:01,454 --> 00:00:03,050 Previously on: 2 00:00:03,075 --> 00:00:04,525 Why don't you move in with me? 3 00:00:05,264 --> 00:00:06,203 What? 4 00:00:06,489 --> 00:00:08,206 Yeah, you and Ava move in with me. 5 00:00:08,231 --> 00:00:10,665 I love you, and I want you in my life, 6 00:00:10,690 --> 00:00:12,342 I want... I want to have a future with you. 7 00:00:12,367 --> 00:00:14,945 If Ava and I move in, 8 00:00:14,970 --> 00:00:18,431 isn't somebody going to have to move out? 9 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:25,658 Hmm. 10 00:00:25,660 --> 00:00:28,744 Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the ticket. 11 00:00:28,746 --> 00:00:32,047 (farts) 12 00:00:32,049 --> 00:00:34,783 Yes. Out with the bad. 13 00:00:36,553 --> 00:00:37,887 Morning. 14 00:00:37,889 --> 00:00:39,255 Morning. (grunts) 15 00:00:39,257 --> 00:00:40,272 Hey, I'm glad you're up. 16 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,457 I wanted... 17 00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:43,642 Oh, whoa. 18 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:46,011 Sorry. 19 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,134 Is that really a good workout? 20 00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:54,520 Oh, yeah, yeah. It's great for the circulation, 21 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,972 stretches the spine. (big exhale) 22 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,991 Your ball is hanging out. 23 00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:00,776 Oopsie-daisy. 24 00:01:00,778 --> 00:01:03,612 Back in the barn. 25 00:01:03,614 --> 00:01:06,315 Wha... All right, listen, uh, 26 00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:09,285 it's spring break this week, so Zoey and her daughter 27 00:01:09,287 --> 00:01:11,487 are going to stay here. Oh, that's nice. (grunts) 28 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:14,490 Yeah, it's kind of like a... trial run. 29 00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:16,509 You know, see what it's like to live together 30 00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,011 before we decide to do anything permanent. 31 00:01:19,013 --> 00:01:20,429 Oh, that's a good idea. 32 00:01:20,431 --> 00:01:21,964 Living together is tricky. 33 00:01:21,966 --> 00:01:23,165 (grunting) 34 00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:26,135 Ball. 35 00:01:26,137 --> 00:01:27,937 Sorry. 36 00:01:27,939 --> 00:01:29,188 Of course it's going to be a little tight 37 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,006 with all of us living here. 38 00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:32,674 Yeah. 39 00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,727 That's what I wanted to talk to you about. 40 00:01:34,729 --> 00:01:37,530 Oh, don't worry. I'll tell Jake to go to his mom's. 41 00:01:37,532 --> 00:01:39,014 Good, good. 44 00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:47,856 Oop. Stepped on a duck. 45 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,959 All right, actually, I'm going to need you to, uh, 46 00:01:49,961 --> 00:01:53,045 move out for the week. (grunts) 47 00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:54,696 What, wait, the whole week? 48 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,499 Yeah, you and Zoey don't really gel, 49 00:01:56,501 --> 00:01:58,384 so, I just thought it'd be for the best. 50 00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:00,970 Oh, oh, that's fine. Uh, but, uh, you know, 51 00:02:00,972 --> 00:02:04,139 just for the record, I gel with pretty much everybody. 52 00:02:04,141 --> 00:02:08,010 I mean, ask around, I'm positively gelatinous. 53 00:02:08,012 --> 00:02:10,679 I know, it's her. 54 00:02:12,015 --> 00:02:13,599 So, the plan is, I come back after a week? 55 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,735 Uh, you might want to think of this as a trial run of your own. 56 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,821 I mean, in case Zoey and I do decide to 57 00:02:18,823 --> 00:02:20,222 live together permanently. 58 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:22,408 Sure, sure, I get it. 59 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:24,893 Uh, and, uh, let me just add that 60 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,662 no one is rooting for your personal happiness 61 00:02:26,664 --> 00:02:28,113 more than I am. 62 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,765 That's good to hear. 63 00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,952 Thanks, man. Oh, no, no, no. 64 00:02:32,954 --> 00:02:36,255 (chuckles) Thank you, buddy. 65 00:02:40,343 --> 00:02:42,845 No reason to panic. (chuckles) 66 00:02:42,847 --> 00:02:45,581 Just got to find a temporary new home... 67 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:59,111 ...and three new balls. 68 00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:01,430 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 69 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:03,540 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 70 00:03:03,565 --> 00:03:07,565 ♪ Two and a Half Men 9x21 ♪ Mr. Hose Says Yes Original Air Date on April 16, 2012 71 00:03:07,590 --> 00:03:11,590 == sync, corrected by elderman == 72 00:03:15,459 --> 00:03:18,128 What are you doing? I'm taking a break. 73 00:03:18,130 --> 00:03:20,597 Didn't you just get here? 74 00:03:20,599 --> 00:03:22,415 Yeah. 75 00:03:24,118 --> 00:03:26,019 Anyway, 76 00:03:26,021 --> 00:03:29,072 I just wanted to give you a heads up 77 00:03:29,074 --> 00:03:30,940 that Zoey's going to stay here for the week. 78 00:03:30,942 --> 00:03:33,326 Uh-huh. And she's bringing her daughter. 79 00:03:33,328 --> 00:03:35,195 How old? Seven. 80 00:03:35,197 --> 00:03:36,696 See ya in a week. 81 00:03:36,698 --> 00:03:39,032 Oh, come on, Berta. 82 00:03:39,034 --> 00:03:41,317 You'll love her. She's adorable. 83 00:03:41,319 --> 00:03:43,086 Maybe to her mother, 84 00:03:43,088 --> 00:03:45,622 and someone who's trying to get into her mother's pants. 85 00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:48,675 All right, look, it's not going to be any extra work for you. 86 00:03:48,677 --> 00:03:50,660 What ever Zoey doesn't take care of, I'll handle. 87 00:03:50,662 --> 00:03:51,995 Really? 88 00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:54,047 You're going to take care of a seven-year-old? 89 00:03:54,049 --> 00:03:55,849 Yeah. We get a long great. 90 00:03:55,851 --> 00:03:57,851 And besides, I got to learn sometime. 91 00:03:57,853 --> 00:04:01,971 I mean, if Zoey and I get married, I'll be Ava's stepdad. 92 00:04:01,973 --> 00:04:06,142 You know, once upon a time, 93 00:04:06,144 --> 00:04:10,030 a cute little boy came to live in this house for a few days. 94 00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:11,514 Maybe you've met him. 95 00:04:11,516 --> 00:04:14,651 He's the pot-soaked masturbating couch potato 96 00:04:14,653 --> 00:04:17,520 who eats all your cookies. 97 00:04:17,522 --> 00:04:19,873 Is he the one who finished off my macaroons? 98 00:04:19,875 --> 00:04:22,191 Your macaroons and my pot. 99 00:04:23,544 --> 00:04:27,831 My point being, fool me once, shame on you. 100 00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:33,035 Fool me twice, I want a fully funded 401(k) and a Camaro. 101 00:04:33,037 --> 00:04:36,256 Come on, Berta, it's just going to be for a week, 102 00:04:36,258 --> 00:04:37,590 and it's just the three of us. 103 00:04:37,592 --> 00:04:41,478 Really? Did Zippy finally hang himself? 104 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,346 No. 105 00:04:43,348 --> 00:04:44,881 He's going to stay somewhere else. 106 00:04:44,883 --> 00:04:47,100 Zoey and I want to see what it's like to live like a family, 107 00:04:47,102 --> 00:04:48,351 with a housekeeper. 108 00:04:48,353 --> 00:04:51,738 Who's got a retirement plan and a muscle car. 109 00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:54,441 All right, look, Berta, if you don't want to help me with this, 110 00:04:54,443 --> 00:04:55,992 I will find another housekeeper 111 00:04:55,994 --> 00:04:58,862 who's willing to do very little work for a very large salary 112 00:04:58,864 --> 00:05:00,563 in a Malibu beach house. 113 00:05:00,565 --> 00:05:05,085 You're cute, but you got a mean streak. 114 00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:11,925 All right, here we are. 115 00:05:11,927 --> 00:05:13,093 What do you think? 116 00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,878 Oh, boy, the ocean! 117 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,830 (chuckles) Stay on the deck! 118 00:05:16,832 --> 00:05:20,350 Oh, she's so excited, she didn't sleep at all last night. 119 00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:21,768 Yeah, I'm kind of excited, too. 120 00:05:21,770 --> 00:05:24,938 Really? I'm terrified. Why? 121 00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:27,524 Well, because if this little experiment doesn't work, 122 00:05:27,526 --> 00:05:29,425 it pretty much means we're done, doesn't it? 123 00:05:29,427 --> 00:05:33,363 Wow, now I'm terrified, too. 124 00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:35,615 Oh, hey, there she is, 125 00:05:35,617 --> 00:05:37,567 the new queen of the castle, 126 00:05:37,569 --> 00:05:40,236 uh, milady. 127 00:05:40,238 --> 00:05:41,654 Hello, Alan. 128 00:05:41,656 --> 00:05:43,272 Thank you so much for letting my boyfriend 129 00:05:43,274 --> 00:05:44,824 use his own house for the week. 130 00:05:44,826 --> 00:05:46,209 Snidely put. 131 00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:48,161 Thank you. So, where are you staying? 132 00:05:48,163 --> 00:05:51,381 Uh, well, I was thinking that I was going to rent a suite 133 00:05:51,383 --> 00:05:53,466 at the Bel Air Hotel, uh, but then I realized 134 00:05:53,468 --> 00:05:54,951 that cost money and I have none. 135 00:05:54,953 --> 00:05:58,138 So, um, I'm just going to stay with Lyndsey. 136 00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,974 How wonderful for her. 137 00:06:00,976 --> 00:06:03,092 (swoosh, grunts) 138 00:06:03,094 --> 00:06:04,894 So, um, 139 00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:07,296 all right, I will, uh, I will see you in a week. 140 00:06:07,298 --> 00:06:08,848 See ya. In a week. 141 00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:11,351 Yeah. Say it. 142 00:06:11,353 --> 00:06:13,319 I'll see ya in a week. 143 00:06:13,321 --> 00:06:15,421 Okay, you two have fun. 144 00:06:15,423 --> 00:06:16,656 All right. 145 00:06:16,658 --> 00:06:18,858 Oh, oh, wait. What room are you planning 146 00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:20,944 to put the little girl in? Yours. 147 00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:23,446 Oh, oh, well, then I better 148 00:06:23,448 --> 00:06:24,781 get a few things out of there. 149 00:06:24,783 --> 00:06:26,282 (chuckles) 150 00:06:26,284 --> 00:06:27,750 Mostly magazines. 151 00:06:29,203 --> 00:06:30,653 Maybe we should put her in Jake's room. 152 00:06:30,655 --> 00:06:32,822 No, that's actually worse. 153 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,876 ♪ Men. ♪ 154 00:06:36,878 --> 00:06:38,494 You ready for another beer? 155 00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:40,213 Oh, aren't you a doll. 156 00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:42,799 (chuckles) You know... 157 00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:44,717 Eldridge is with his father this week. 158 00:06:44,719 --> 00:06:46,836 Whoo, and Jake's with his mother. Mmm. 159 00:06:46,838 --> 00:06:49,672 So, I guess we can do anything we want. 160 00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:53,175 Yeah, and what do you want, you dirty girl? 161 00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:56,396 Well, you know what would make me really happy? 162 00:06:56,398 --> 00:06:58,347 Whatever it is, I'll do it. 163 00:06:58,349 --> 00:07:02,035 The guest toilet is broken. I want you to fix it. 164 00:07:04,405 --> 00:07:07,257 Uh, are we role-playing? 165 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:10,410 Am I the naughty plumber 166 00:07:10,412 --> 00:07:14,130 here to snake your drain? 167 00:07:14,132 --> 00:07:16,633 No. 168 00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:20,853 You're the loving boyfriend here to fix my toilet. 169 00:07:20,855 --> 00:07:22,522 Seriously? 170 00:07:22,524 --> 00:07:24,490 Seriously. 171 00:07:24,492 --> 00:07:26,893 Now? Now. 172 00:07:26,895 --> 00:07:29,312 All right. 173 00:07:31,181 --> 00:07:32,682 Hey, uh, when you're done with that, 174 00:07:32,684 --> 00:07:34,767 would you take the patio furniture out of the garage 175 00:07:34,769 --> 00:07:36,236 and put it in the backyard? 176 00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:37,520 Sure. 177 00:07:37,522 --> 00:07:39,489 Make sure you wash it first. 178 00:07:39,491 --> 00:07:41,223 You got it. 179 00:07:41,225 --> 00:07:44,393 Yep, I got it, all right. 180 00:07:50,117 --> 00:07:52,568 I forgot a few things. I'm going to run to the store. 181 00:07:52,570 --> 00:07:55,038 Oh, you know, relax. I'll go for you. 182 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,572 Actually, there's things I need to buy 183 00:07:56,574 --> 00:07:58,741 that I'd rather you not know I need. 184 00:07:58,743 --> 00:08:00,543 Say no more. 185 00:08:00,545 --> 00:08:03,012 Put your coat on, Ava. I don't want to go-- I'm playing. 186 00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:05,081 Ava, come on. No, she's fine. 187 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:07,350 I'll watch her. You sure? 188 00:08:07,352 --> 00:08:09,519 Yeah, of course. It's no big deal. 189 00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:11,137 Do you want to stay here with Walden? 190 00:08:11,139 --> 00:08:12,472 Yes, please. 191 00:08:12,474 --> 00:08:14,757 Okay. See you in about an hour 192 00:08:14,759 --> 00:08:16,993 Bye. Bye. 193 00:08:18,362 --> 00:08:19,696 (sighs) 194 00:08:19,698 --> 00:08:23,566 The sweet, sweet smell of freedom. 195 00:08:28,439 --> 00:08:30,606 Oh. 196 00:08:30,608 --> 00:08:33,559 Hi. I'm bored. 197 00:08:33,561 --> 00:08:35,712 I thought you were playing with your dolls. 198 00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:37,797 I finished. 199 00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:39,999 What do you want to do? 200 00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:42,218 Well... 201 00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:45,104 (Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" plays) 202 00:08:57,685 --> 00:09:00,286 ♪ I come home in the morning light ♪ 203 00:09:00,288 --> 00:09:05,858 ♪ My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?" ♪ 204 00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:09,445 ♪ Oh, mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones ♪ 205 00:09:09,447 --> 00:09:12,782 ♪ And girls, they want to have fun ♪ 206 00:09:12,784 --> 00:09:17,704 ♪ Oh, girls just want to have fun ♪ 207 00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:23,960 ♪ ♪ 208 00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:27,046 ♪ The phone rings in the middle of the night ♪ 209 00:09:27,048 --> 00:09:31,434 ♪ My father yells, "What you gonna do with your life?" ♪ 210 00:09:31,436 --> 00:09:35,288 ♪ Oh, daddy dear, you know you're still number one ♪ 211 00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:39,058 ♪ But girls, they want to have fun ♪ 212 00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:41,778 ♪ Oh, girls just want to have ♪ 213 00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:45,681 ♪ That's all they really want ♪ 214 00:09:45,683 --> 00:09:48,985 ♪ Some fun ♪ 215 00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:52,789 ♪ When the working day is done ♪ 216 00:09:52,791 --> 00:09:56,376 ♪ Oh, girls, they want to have fun ♪ 217 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:59,212 ♪ Oh, girls just want to have... ♪ 218 00:09:59,214 --> 00:10:01,381 (sighs) There's my good girl. 219 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,698 Hi, Mommy. 220 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,550 (chuckles) Where's Walden? 221 00:10:04,552 --> 00:10:06,502 Right there. 222 00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:11,224 He said it's his nap time. 223 00:10:12,409 --> 00:10:15,144 ♪ Men. ♪ 224 00:10:15,146 --> 00:10:18,547 I think I found your problem! 225 00:10:18,549 --> 00:10:20,600 You have got a blown out fuse! 226 00:10:20,602 --> 00:10:21,684 Can you fix it? 227 00:10:21,686 --> 00:10:24,386 I don't see any spare fuses but, uh, 228 00:10:24,388 --> 00:10:27,824 I do know a little trick. What's that? 229 00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:29,242 Well, most people don't know this, 230 00:10:29,244 --> 00:10:31,027 but you can use an ordinary copper penny 231 00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:34,330 to replace a fuse. No kidding? 232 00:10:34,332 --> 00:10:36,082 Yeah, electricians won't tell you 233 00:10:36,084 --> 00:10:37,417 'cause they want to charge you... 234 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:39,168 (electrical popping) 235 00:10:44,425 --> 00:10:47,243 (TV playing) It worked! The TV's back on! 236 00:10:47,245 --> 00:10:49,629 ♪ Men. ♪ 237 00:10:58,112 --> 00:11:00,262 "They were married soon after, 238 00:11:00,264 --> 00:11:03,182 "and lived happily together for many, many years. 239 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,384 The end." 240 00:11:05,386 --> 00:11:08,587 Big surprise, huh? 241 00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:14,627 (sotto voice): Thank God. 242 00:11:22,085 --> 00:11:24,253 It's too dark. 243 00:11:25,472 --> 00:11:27,473 Oh, sorry. Here you go. 244 00:11:27,475 --> 00:11:31,093 That's too bright. 245 00:11:31,961 --> 00:11:35,630 Okay. Uh... how about... 246 00:11:35,632 --> 00:11:39,852 I turn the bathroom light on and leave the door open a crack? 247 00:11:40,854 --> 00:11:42,354 How's that? 248 00:11:42,356 --> 00:11:43,656 Better. 249 00:11:43,658 --> 00:11:44,657 All right. 250 00:11:44,659 --> 00:11:45,691 Good night. 251 00:11:45,693 --> 00:11:47,609 Did you look under the bed? 252 00:11:47,611 --> 00:11:51,580 No. Why, did you find some funny magazines? 253 00:11:51,582 --> 00:11:54,667 You have to check for monsters. 254 00:11:54,669 --> 00:11:56,452 Oh. 255 00:11:59,289 --> 00:12:01,656 (grunts) Nope, no monsters. 256 00:12:01,658 --> 00:12:03,658 Okay. Good night. 257 00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:05,177 What about the closet? 258 00:12:05,179 --> 00:12:06,712 What about it? 259 00:12:06,714 --> 00:12:08,847 Monsters. 260 00:12:10,383 --> 00:12:12,685 I don't want to have nightmares. 261 00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:14,720 Right. 262 00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:16,055 It's all clear. 263 00:12:16,057 --> 00:12:17,556 (gasps) 264 00:12:19,275 --> 00:12:21,310 Aah... great. 265 00:12:21,312 --> 00:12:23,678 Now I'm gonna have nightmares. 266 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,680 Okay, okay, good night. 267 00:12:25,682 --> 00:12:27,299 I'm thirsty. 268 00:12:28,684 --> 00:12:30,119 You're joking. 269 00:12:30,121 --> 00:12:32,488 Why would I joke about thirsty? 270 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,039 Thirsty's not funny. 271 00:12:35,241 --> 00:12:37,292 I'll get you a glass of water. 272 00:12:37,294 --> 00:12:40,012 No, I want fizzy water. 273 00:12:40,863 --> 00:12:42,998 You want Perrier? 274 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,867 Pellegrino would be fine. 275 00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:47,836 Okay. 276 00:12:47,838 --> 00:12:50,222 I'll go see what we have. 277 00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:53,642 How did the story end? 278 00:12:53,644 --> 00:12:56,011 Uh... they got married, 279 00:12:56,013 --> 00:12:59,248 and they lived happily together for many, many years. 280 00:13:01,518 --> 00:13:03,652 Till they had kids. 281 00:13:05,105 --> 00:13:07,189 ♪ Men. ♪ 282 00:13:07,191 --> 00:13:08,607 How are you feeling? 283 00:13:08,609 --> 00:13:09,891 All right. 284 00:13:09,893 --> 00:13:12,778 My hand's still a little numb. 285 00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:15,897 Well, let's see if I can make it all better. 286 00:13:15,899 --> 00:13:17,249 Mmm... Ooh! Ooh! 287 00:13:17,251 --> 00:13:18,834 Make it all better. 288 00:13:18,836 --> 00:13:20,669 Daddy like. Mmm... 289 00:13:20,671 --> 00:13:22,504 (clattering downstairs) 290 00:13:22,506 --> 00:13:23,324 Did you hear something? 291 00:13:23,349 --> 00:13:25,317 Mm, nothing but the rustling in my jammies. 292 00:13:26,844 --> 00:13:28,627 No! 293 00:13:28,629 --> 00:13:30,379 There's someone downstairs. 294 00:13:30,381 --> 00:13:32,181 No, there isn't. Come on, make it all better. 295 00:13:32,183 --> 00:13:33,849 (moaning) Alan! 296 00:13:33,851 --> 00:13:36,351 There's someone in the house. Go look. 297 00:13:36,353 --> 00:13:40,255 Really? With a dead hand and the beginnings of an erection? 298 00:13:40,257 --> 00:13:41,590 Go. 299 00:13:41,592 --> 00:13:42,975 (exasperated sign) 300 00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:48,981 And thus ends the erection. 301 00:13:57,907 --> 00:14:00,108 (rattling) 302 00:14:03,630 --> 00:14:05,831 (clanging) 303 00:14:11,638 --> 00:14:13,589 (thudding) 304 00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:16,791 Who keeps their weed in the crisper? 305 00:14:16,793 --> 00:14:19,461 What, you want to get crispy, don't you? 306 00:14:21,264 --> 00:14:23,465 (door hinge creaking) 307 00:14:24,684 --> 00:14:26,852 Ow! 308 00:14:33,993 --> 00:14:35,861 Good morning. 309 00:14:38,331 --> 00:14:40,449 It's still dark out. 310 00:14:40,451 --> 00:14:42,251 It's breakfast time. 311 00:14:42,253 --> 00:14:45,003 Maybe in London. 312 00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:46,371 What's going on? 313 00:14:46,373 --> 00:14:48,924 She wants breakfast. 314 00:14:48,926 --> 00:14:51,009 Okay. 315 00:14:51,011 --> 00:14:53,128 Just give me a minute. 316 00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:55,764 No, you sleep; I'll get it. 317 00:14:55,766 --> 00:14:56,932 Thanks. 318 00:14:56,934 --> 00:14:59,218 That's it? No argument? 319 00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:02,521 Shh... 320 00:15:06,509 --> 00:15:08,227 All right. 321 00:15:08,229 --> 00:15:09,695 What do you want? 322 00:15:09,697 --> 00:15:12,481 Corn Flakes or Cheerios or... 323 00:15:12,483 --> 00:15:14,449 Eggs Benedict. 324 00:15:14,451 --> 00:15:16,618 Of course. 325 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,788 ♪ Men. ♪ 326 00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:21,690 Watch your step. 327 00:15:21,692 --> 00:15:23,959 Yeah, wouldn't want to get hurt. 328 00:15:27,863 --> 00:15:30,332 Those pain pills starting to kick in yet? 329 00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:31,366 Oh, yeah. 330 00:15:31,368 --> 00:15:33,868 You could spread me on a toast. 331 00:15:35,054 --> 00:15:36,054 Okay. 332 00:15:36,056 --> 00:15:38,056 Let's get you into bed. 333 00:15:38,058 --> 00:15:40,225 No, no. 334 00:15:40,227 --> 00:15:41,876 Let's get you into bed. 335 00:15:41,878 --> 00:15:42,877 Seriously? 336 00:15:42,879 --> 00:15:44,045 You want to fool around? 337 00:15:44,047 --> 00:15:45,514 Parts of me do. 338 00:15:45,516 --> 00:15:51,436 Mr. Nose says, "No," but Mr. Hose says (falsetto): "Yes"" 339 00:15:51,438 --> 00:15:53,238 Tell you what, 340 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,891 why don't you just lie down and let me take care of you. 341 00:15:56,893 --> 00:15:58,410 Really? 342 00:15:58,412 --> 00:16:00,996 You took care of me when I thought there was someone in the house. 343 00:16:00,998 --> 00:16:02,397 Oh, right, right, I did. 344 00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:04,750 I was brave. 345 00:16:04,752 --> 00:16:07,252 Let's just get this belt and zipper undone. 346 00:16:07,254 --> 00:16:09,904 Good thing you could breathe through your nose. 347 00:16:10,506 --> 00:16:12,741 - Ow! - What?! Ball snag! 348 00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:14,376 Oh, sorry! No, no, don't touch it! 349 00:16:14,378 --> 00:16:15,910 Don't...! Oh! 350 00:16:18,131 --> 00:16:21,500 I think I broke Mr. Hose. 351 00:16:32,528 --> 00:16:33,979 Hey! 352 00:16:33,981 --> 00:16:36,264 What? 353 00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:38,099 What in the hell happened here? 354 00:16:38,101 --> 00:16:40,068 I tried to make breakfast for the kid. 355 00:16:40,070 --> 00:16:41,903 "Tried"? (scoffs) 356 00:16:41,905 --> 00:16:44,573 Yeah. The eggs were too runny, 357 00:16:44,575 --> 00:16:48,327 so I made oatmeal that was too dry, 358 00:16:48,329 --> 00:16:51,964 so I made waffles that were-- and I quote-- 359 00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:54,883 (British accent): "Bloody dreadful." 360 00:16:54,885 --> 00:16:56,585 Where is she now? 361 00:16:56,587 --> 00:17:00,038 I don't know; I don't care. 362 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,140 I can't do this, Berta. 363 00:17:02,142 --> 00:17:03,558 It's just... it's too much. 364 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,260 She just never stops. 365 00:17:05,262 --> 00:17:07,562 Yeah, I raised four daughters. 366 00:17:07,564 --> 00:17:11,350 The only thing that slows them down is jail and johnsons. 367 00:17:12,268 --> 00:17:15,320 I told Zoey we were gonna be a family. 368 00:17:15,322 --> 00:17:16,738 What am I gonna do? 369 00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:18,357 The kid's seven? 370 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:19,408 Yeah. 371 00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:21,493 Wait nine years. 372 00:17:21,495 --> 00:17:22,911 What happens in nine years? 373 00:17:22,913 --> 00:17:26,615 If you're lucky, she runs away with a coke-addled bass player. 374 00:17:26,617 --> 00:17:28,867 And if I'm not lucky? 375 00:17:28,869 --> 00:17:31,036 A drummer. 376 00:17:32,455 --> 00:17:34,756 ♪ Men. ♪ 377 00:17:38,177 --> 00:17:39,661 Hey. 378 00:17:39,663 --> 00:17:42,014 Oh, you're up. 379 00:17:42,016 --> 00:17:43,598 How are you feeling? 380 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:44,800 A little better. 381 00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:45,967 I'm glad. 382 00:17:45,969 --> 00:17:48,437 Not looking forward to ripping the Band-Aid 383 00:17:48,439 --> 00:17:49,855 off my scrotum, but... 384 00:17:49,857 --> 00:17:52,557 we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. 385 00:17:52,559 --> 00:17:55,310 (groaning) I'm so, so sorry. 386 00:17:55,312 --> 00:17:56,845 Yeah, just... 387 00:17:56,847 --> 00:18:00,515 FYI, if you'd like to try again, I'm wearing sweatpants. 388 00:18:02,151 --> 00:18:04,036 No zipper. 389 00:18:04,038 --> 00:18:06,872 I cannot believe you're still horny. 390 00:18:06,874 --> 00:18:10,208 Me neither, but there it is. 391 00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:12,961 Well, I do owe you one. 392 00:18:12,963 --> 00:18:13,995 (giggling) 393 00:18:13,997 --> 00:18:15,797 Oh, boy. 394 00:18:15,799 --> 00:18:17,049 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. 395 00:18:17,051 --> 00:18:18,032 (giggling) 396 00:18:18,034 --> 00:18:19,751 (sniffing) 397 00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:22,170 Do you smell that? 398 00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:23,171 Oh, don't worry. 399 00:18:23,173 --> 00:18:24,589 That's just the Neosporin. 400 00:18:24,591 --> 00:18:26,508 No. (sniffing) 401 00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:29,010 It-it smells like something dead. 402 00:18:29,012 --> 00:18:31,730 It's not Mr. Hose. 403 00:18:31,732 --> 00:18:34,516 He's very much alive. 404 00:18:34,518 --> 00:18:37,018 Go ahead. Check. 405 00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:40,155 I think it's coming from under the house. 406 00:18:40,157 --> 00:18:43,057 I'm sorry, I-I really can't smell anything 407 00:18:43,059 --> 00:18:44,943 'cause of my broken nose... 408 00:18:44,945 --> 00:18:46,528 'cause of what you owe me. 409 00:18:46,530 --> 00:18:49,581 It-it's probably just a raccoon or a possum. 410 00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:50,565 Hang on one sec. 411 00:18:50,567 --> 00:18:52,233 Let me call the exterminator. 412 00:18:52,235 --> 00:18:54,286 Oh, no, no, no, that's going to take too long. 413 00:18:54,288 --> 00:18:57,873 I'll ju... I'll just get a shovel and a garbage bag 414 00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,841 and deal with it. 415 00:18:59,843 --> 00:19:01,676 You're that horny? 416 00:19:01,678 --> 00:19:04,679 I know, it's starting to worry me, too. 417 00:19:06,599 --> 00:19:07,933 (grunting) 418 00:19:07,935 --> 00:19:10,185 LYNDSEY: You okay down there? 419 00:19:10,187 --> 00:19:13,105 Yeah. Yeah, I think I see it. 420 00:19:13,107 --> 00:19:15,107 (grunting) 421 00:19:15,109 --> 00:19:17,926 Looks like a-a dead possum. 422 00:19:17,928 --> 00:19:19,111 Be careful. 423 00:19:19,113 --> 00:19:21,113 ALAN: Oh, don't worry about it. 424 00:19:21,115 --> 00:19:22,864 I-I'm just going to shovel him into my... 425 00:19:22,866 --> 00:19:24,783 (possum snarling) Not dead! Not dead! 426 00:19:24,785 --> 00:19:26,818 (thrashing sound) Ow! Ow! 427 00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:29,154 Yah! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 428 00:19:29,156 --> 00:19:30,789 I didn't mean... Ow! No! Ow! 429 00:19:30,791 --> 00:19:32,457 Come on! 430 00:19:32,459 --> 00:19:35,109 Oh, that's going to get infected. 431 00:19:35,111 --> 00:19:36,611 Ah! Ahh! 432 00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,464 ♪ Men. ♪ 433 00:19:44,466 --> 00:19:46,249 Thank you. 434 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,057 Hey. 435 00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,425 Oh, hey. Thanks for meeting me, man. 436 00:19:56,427 --> 00:19:58,427 Whoa! 437 00:19:58,429 --> 00:20:00,596 What happened to you? 438 00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:03,650 Well, let's see, uh... 439 00:20:03,652 --> 00:20:06,069 Electrocuted, got my nose bashed in, 440 00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:08,955 and possibly rabies. 441 00:20:17,715 --> 00:20:19,782 How are you? 442 00:20:19,784 --> 00:20:22,802 I am really tired. 443 00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:25,088 My heart bleeds for you. 444 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:28,808 Also my left ball sack. 445 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,727 What's that smell? 446 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:35,682 Oh, Neosporin, which just a hint of possum. 447 00:20:37,234 --> 00:20:40,820 So, uh, how are things going living with Zoey and her daughter? 448 00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:42,572 It's good, it's good. 449 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,690 Oh. 450 00:20:43,692 --> 00:20:44,991 How's living with Lyndsey? 451 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:46,409 Oh, it's terrific. 452 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,578 That's great. 453 00:20:50,414 --> 00:20:52,582 That's great. 454 00:20:54,702 --> 00:20:57,587 If I could get rid of them... Yes! A hundred times yes! 455 00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:01,589 == sync, corrected by elderman ==