00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:03,505 --> 00:00:05,473 Oh, God. 2 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,521 That feels so good. 3 00:00:11,046 --> 00:00:12,629 Where'd you learn to do that? 4 00:00:12,631 --> 00:00:13,747 Chiropractic school? 5 00:00:13,749 --> 00:00:14,915 Long before that. 6 00:00:14,917 --> 00:00:17,051 When I was a kid, I had to do this for my mom. 7 00:00:17,053 --> 00:00:18,969 Had to? 8 00:00:18,971 --> 00:00:20,888 If I wanted dessert. 9 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,023 Oh, poor baby. 10 00:00:23,025 --> 00:00:25,142 Tell you what, when you're done with my other foot, 11 00:00:25,144 --> 00:00:26,760 I'll give you a little dessert. 12 00:00:26,762 --> 00:00:28,312 Thank you, Mommy. 13 00:00:30,115 --> 00:00:31,148 Hey. 14 00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:32,232 Hey! 15 00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:33,617 Oh, hey. How was the opera? 16 00:00:33,619 --> 00:00:34,818 Magnificent. 17 00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:36,269 Il Trovatore. 18 00:00:36,271 --> 00:00:37,571 Walden cried. 19 00:00:37,573 --> 00:00:39,073 - Oh. - Oh. 20 00:00:39,075 --> 00:00:41,075 Come on, a guy in a leotard and a skirt 21 00:00:41,077 --> 00:00:43,410 realizes he chopped his own brother's head off. 22 00:00:44,279 --> 00:00:45,963 That's heartbreaking. 23 00:00:45,965 --> 00:00:49,116 I keep trying to take Lyndsey to the opera, but she won't go. 24 00:00:49,118 --> 00:00:50,718 I'm sorry, 25 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,053 I'm just not a fan of fat people singing in a foreign language 26 00:00:53,055 --> 00:00:54,638 for two and a half hours. 27 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,890 Well, opera's not for everyone. 28 00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:58,926 To appreciate it requires a refined taste 29 00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,644 and a certain amount of education. 30 00:01:00,646 --> 00:01:03,263 Whoa. 31 00:01:03,265 --> 00:01:05,899 You did not just say that. 32 00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:06,850 Say what? 33 00:01:06,852 --> 00:01:08,068 I am plenty refined, 34 00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,237 and I happen to have an Associate of Arts degree 35 00:01:10,239 --> 00:01:12,305 from Santa Monica Community College. 36 00:01:12,307 --> 00:01:14,992 I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be pejorative. 37 00:01:14,994 --> 00:01:16,643 What's that supposed to mean? 38 00:01:16,645 --> 00:01:18,779 Uh, pejorative is having a derogatory... 39 00:01:18,781 --> 00:01:20,748 I know what the word means! 40 00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,032 Sorry, sorry. 41 00:01:22,034 --> 00:01:23,033 What's community college? 44 00:01:27,289 --> 00:01:30,174 We've already seen one beheading tonight. 45 00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:31,675 Where did you go to college? 46 00:01:31,677 --> 00:01:33,093 Oxford? 47 00:01:33,095 --> 00:01:34,511 Only for two years. 48 00:01:34,513 --> 00:01:35,679 Aw, did you flunk out? 49 00:01:35,681 --> 00:01:37,831 No, I transferred to Harvard. 50 00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:39,666 Harvard. 51 00:01:39,668 --> 00:01:41,935 The Santa Monica Community College of the East. 52 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:48,392 What do you say we go get ready for bed? 53 00:01:48,394 --> 00:01:50,611 Yeah, good idea. 54 00:01:50,613 --> 00:01:52,529 ♪ Mi chiamano Mimi 55 00:01:52,531 --> 00:01:58,068 ♪ Il perchè non so sola, mi fo. ♪ 56 00:01:58,070 --> 00:02:02,072 I also took a semester off to study opera in Florence. 57 00:02:02,074 --> 00:02:04,741 That's in Italy. 58 00:02:04,743 --> 00:02:06,994 Wow. 59 00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:09,079 That is one talented lady. 60 00:02:10,466 --> 00:02:13,300 And by "talented" I mean annoying, 61 00:02:13,302 --> 00:02:15,535 and by "lady" I mean bitch. 62 00:02:17,422 --> 00:02:21,008 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 63 00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:24,094 ♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ ♪ Ooh 64 00:02:24,096 --> 00:02:27,214 ♪ Men, men, men, manly men ♪ ♪ Ooh 65 00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:29,433 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪ 66 00:02:29,435 --> 00:02:31,652 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 67 00:02:31,654 --> 00:02:34,988 ♪ Ooh ♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 68 00:02:34,990 --> 00:02:37,125 ♪ Ah. ♪ Men. 69 00:02:37,573 --> 00:02:41,073 ♪ Two and a Half Men 9x16 ♪ Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy Original Air Date on February 13, 2012 70 00:02:41,074 --> 00:02:44,574 == sync, corrected by elderman == 71 00:02:46,852 --> 00:02:48,920 ♪ Men. 72 00:02:48,922 --> 00:02:51,422 "Fat people singing in a foreign language." 73 00:02:51,424 --> 00:02:52,840 Can you believe her? 74 00:02:52,842 --> 00:02:55,493 No. It's unbelievable. 75 00:02:55,495 --> 00:02:57,011 Maybe she'd be more appreciative of 76 00:02:57,013 --> 00:02:59,213 fat people singing in her native language. 77 00:02:59,215 --> 00:03:02,650 No to Pavarotti, yes to Cee Lo Green. 78 00:03:02,652 --> 00:03:04,852 Mm. Forget you? 79 00:03:04,854 --> 00:03:07,021 Forget her. 80 00:03:07,023 --> 00:03:09,724 And then she has the nerve to insult me simply 'cause I have 81 00:03:09,726 --> 00:03:11,476 a modicum of sophistication and good taste. 82 00:03:11,478 --> 00:03:13,260 Mm, you do taste good. 83 00:03:14,614 --> 00:03:15,980 I know what she thinks. 84 00:03:15,982 --> 00:03:17,949 She thinks I'm snobbish and condescending. 85 00:03:17,951 --> 00:03:19,099 Mm, but you're not. 86 00:03:19,101 --> 00:03:20,451 No, I'm not. 87 00:03:20,453 --> 00:03:21,435 It's a shame, really. 88 00:03:21,437 --> 00:03:24,906 So much I could teach the poor girl. 89 00:03:24,908 --> 00:03:26,457 It's her loss. 90 00:03:26,459 --> 00:03:28,543 God knows what Alan sees in her. 91 00:03:28,545 --> 00:03:30,378 Yeah, he could totally do better. 92 00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,279 No, he couldn't; he's a complete loser. 93 00:03:32,281 --> 00:03:34,448 What are you talking about? 94 00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:37,084 Um, you said... 95 00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,953 Never mind. 96 00:03:38,955 --> 00:03:40,421 "Refined taste." 97 00:03:40,423 --> 00:03:42,340 I'd like to punch her refined face in. 98 00:03:42,342 --> 00:03:45,626 And you could; you hit hard. 99 00:03:45,628 --> 00:03:46,811 You know what her problem is? 100 00:03:46,813 --> 00:03:48,312 She was born with all the advantages 101 00:03:48,314 --> 00:03:50,014 and now she thinks she's better than everyone else. 102 00:03:50,016 --> 00:03:51,182 Like her poop doesn't stink. 103 00:03:51,184 --> 00:03:54,185 Your poop stinks, honey. 104 00:03:54,187 --> 00:03:57,271 Thank you. 105 00:03:57,273 --> 00:03:59,790 Especially after Indian food. 106 00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:04,078 That is a real working-class stank right there. 107 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,532 Boy, I am so turned on right now. 108 00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,650 What could Walden possibly see in that, 109 00:04:09,652 --> 00:04:11,536 in that stuck-up English muffin? 110 00:04:11,538 --> 00:04:15,155 Maybe it's her nooks and crannies. 111 00:04:15,157 --> 00:04:16,123 What? 112 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,925 Uh, you know, English muffin. 113 00:04:17,927 --> 00:04:19,260 Uh, nooks and crannies. 114 00:04:19,262 --> 00:04:20,327 For the butter. 115 00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:22,663 Or margarine, as the case may be. 116 00:04:22,665 --> 00:04:26,166 Are you saying you like her body? 117 00:04:26,168 --> 00:04:27,167 Oh, no, no. 118 00:04:27,169 --> 00:04:28,603 No, it's your body that I love. 119 00:04:28,605 --> 00:04:30,054 You've got the stinky poop. 120 00:04:31,557 --> 00:04:32,807 Be honest with me. 121 00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:35,943 Have I not been entirely civil and charming to her? 122 00:04:35,945 --> 00:04:38,012 You have. 123 00:04:39,815 --> 00:04:42,066 Then why does she give me that attitude? 124 00:04:42,068 --> 00:04:44,201 Who know...? She's crazy. 125 00:04:44,203 --> 00:04:47,355 Well, I wouldn't call her crazy; she's certainly unpleasant. 126 00:04:47,357 --> 00:04:48,322 That's what I meant. 127 00:04:48,324 --> 00:04:50,157 Unpleasant. 128 00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:53,077 Are you humoring me just so I'll have sex with you? 129 00:04:53,079 --> 00:04:57,031 No. I took you to the opera so you would have sex with me. 130 00:04:58,034 --> 00:04:59,000 You're terrible. 131 00:04:59,002 --> 00:05:00,051 I'm trying to be, 132 00:05:00,053 --> 00:05:02,470 but there's a lot of damn bows here. 133 00:05:02,472 --> 00:05:04,705 ♪ Men. 134 00:05:06,925 --> 00:05:08,059 Alan? 135 00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:10,044 Yeah? 136 00:05:10,046 --> 00:05:12,146 I'm sorry I ruined our night. 137 00:05:12,148 --> 00:05:13,397 That's okay. 138 00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,049 No, it's not. 139 00:05:15,051 --> 00:05:16,684 Let me make it up to you. 140 00:05:16,686 --> 00:05:18,152 Really? 141 00:05:18,154 --> 00:05:19,186 I get dessert? 142 00:05:20,356 --> 00:05:21,522 Oh, Walden! 143 00:05:21,524 --> 00:05:22,607 Oh, my God! 144 00:05:22,609 --> 00:05:25,159 Oh, my God! I don't believe it. 145 00:05:25,161 --> 00:05:27,061 Do you know what she's doing? 146 00:05:27,063 --> 00:05:28,896 Well, I think I have a general idea. 147 00:05:28,898 --> 00:05:31,449 She wants me to hear that. Oh, my God! 148 00:05:31,451 --> 00:05:32,950 She's rubbing my nose in it. 149 00:05:32,952 --> 00:05:34,928 Sounds more like she's rubbing his nose in it. 150 00:05:34,953 --> 00:05:36,153 Oh, my God! 151 00:05:36,339 --> 00:05:38,956 Two can play at that game. 152 00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:40,091 Oh! Oh! 153 00:05:40,093 --> 00:05:41,342 Oh! Oh! 154 00:05:41,344 --> 00:05:42,409 Oh, my God! 155 00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:43,377 Oh! 156 00:05:43,379 --> 00:05:44,962 Oh, my God! What are you doing? 157 00:05:44,964 --> 00:05:46,080 Making love to you. 158 00:05:46,082 --> 00:05:47,598 Oh, my God! Oh! 159 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,684 Oh! You want me to help? 160 00:05:49,686 --> 00:05:50,635 No, I got this. 161 00:05:50,637 --> 00:05:54,522 Oh! Oh! 162 00:05:55,307 --> 00:05:57,091 Oh! Oh! 163 00:05:57,093 --> 00:05:58,893 Oh! Oh! 164 00:05:58,895 --> 00:05:59,927 Oh! 165 00:05:59,929 --> 00:06:00,761 Oh! 166 00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:02,530 Oh! Oh...! 167 00:06:02,532 --> 00:06:05,149 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 168 00:06:05,151 --> 00:06:06,767 Oh, my God! 169 00:06:06,769 --> 00:06:07,935 Oh, Alan! 170 00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:09,103 Oh, Walden! 171 00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:10,270 Oh! 172 00:06:10,272 --> 00:06:11,605 Oh! 173 00:06:11,607 --> 00:06:12,873 Oh! 174 00:06:20,082 --> 00:06:23,034 ♪ Men. 175 00:06:23,036 --> 00:06:26,587 Happy Valentine's Day, darling. 176 00:06:26,589 --> 00:06:29,840 You, too, sweetheart. 177 00:06:29,842 --> 00:06:32,793 Sounded like you and Zoey were getting an early start 178 00:06:32,795 --> 00:06:34,428 on your celebrating last night. 179 00:06:36,264 --> 00:06:38,516 Oh, yeah. 180 00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:41,402 You and Lyndsey were making 181 00:06:41,404 --> 00:06:43,270 quite a bit of a racket yourselves. 182 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,806 Oh, you heard that? 183 00:06:45,808 --> 00:06:48,308 It was kind of hard not to. 184 00:06:48,310 --> 00:06:49,643 Well, you know how it is. 185 00:06:49,645 --> 00:06:52,947 Uh, you and I are like the mailmen. 186 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,868 Rain or shine, we got to deliver the old package. 187 00:06:57,870 --> 00:07:00,254 Handle with care. 188 00:07:01,958 --> 00:07:03,457 Express delivery. 189 00:07:07,045 --> 00:07:10,464 No, wait, let me think of another one. 190 00:07:10,466 --> 00:07:11,749 This side up. 191 00:07:11,751 --> 00:07:13,384 Oh. 192 00:07:13,386 --> 00:07:15,186 That's good, that's good. 193 00:07:21,026 --> 00:07:23,510 Oh, who am I kidding? 194 00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:25,279 Last night was a complete sham. 195 00:07:25,281 --> 00:07:26,480 What do you mean? 196 00:07:26,482 --> 00:07:28,315 Zoey was trying to prove 197 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,950 some kind of point to Lyndsey. 198 00:07:29,952 --> 00:07:31,786 So, all that noise was, uh...? 199 00:07:31,788 --> 00:07:34,155 I had nothing to do with it. 200 00:07:34,157 --> 00:07:36,290 Sorry. 201 00:07:37,793 --> 00:07:42,963 Well, since we're being honest, I should probably tell you... 202 00:07:42,965 --> 00:07:47,501 I... had what was probably the best sex of my life last night. 203 00:07:52,841 --> 00:07:53,891 Good morning. 204 00:07:53,893 --> 00:07:54,875 Huh? 205 00:07:54,877 --> 00:07:56,560 Oh, morning. 206 00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:57,845 Sleep well? 207 00:07:57,847 --> 00:07:59,046 Terrific. 208 00:07:59,048 --> 00:08:01,565 Good. I was afraid we might have kept you awake. 209 00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:02,850 Really? 210 00:08:02,852 --> 00:08:04,935 I was worried we might have kept you awake. 211 00:08:04,937 --> 00:08:07,354 No, no, I slept like a baby. 212 00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,073 Hope you didn't wet the bed. 213 00:08:13,529 --> 00:08:15,112 They're laughing. 214 00:08:15,114 --> 00:08:16,697 That's good, right? 215 00:08:16,699 --> 00:08:18,682 Not that laugh. 216 00:08:18,684 --> 00:08:21,368 That's the bad laugh. 217 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:25,389 Shame it has to be raining on Valentine's Day. 218 00:08:25,391 --> 00:08:29,576 Yeah, well, fortunately, the sun is shining in Cabo San Lucas. 219 00:08:29,578 --> 00:08:31,045 Thanks for the weather report. 220 00:08:31,047 --> 00:08:33,130 Now here's Alan with the sports. 221 00:08:34,933 --> 00:08:36,717 I just meant that's where Walden and I 222 00:08:36,719 --> 00:08:37,852 are flying for dinner tonight. 223 00:08:37,854 --> 00:08:39,053 Really? 224 00:08:39,055 --> 00:08:40,087 Good luck with LAX. 225 00:08:40,089 --> 00:08:41,455 Place is gonna be a madhouse. 226 00:08:41,457 --> 00:08:42,756 That may well be. 227 00:08:42,758 --> 00:08:44,775 Luckily, Walden's got his private jet, so... 228 00:08:44,777 --> 00:08:46,193 Of course he does. 229 00:08:46,195 --> 00:08:49,146 Or they could fly down on her private broom. 230 00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:52,766 What are you and Alan doing to celebrate? 231 00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:54,568 Oh, don't worry about us. 232 00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:55,820 We have big plans. 233 00:08:55,822 --> 00:08:56,987 Ooh. 234 00:08:56,989 --> 00:08:58,622 Another festive foot rub? 235 00:09:03,112 --> 00:09:04,295 Bad laugh? 236 00:09:06,331 --> 00:09:08,215 As a matter of fact, we're gonna spend the night 237 00:09:08,217 --> 00:09:09,333 at a little bed-and-breakfast 238 00:09:09,335 --> 00:09:11,302 outside Santa Barbara where we're gonna 239 00:09:11,304 --> 00:09:13,053 drink wine, read poetry 240 00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:14,672 and have hot, kinky sex. 241 00:09:14,674 --> 00:09:15,806 Right, Alan? 242 00:09:15,808 --> 00:09:17,675 Oh, yeah, sure. 243 00:09:17,677 --> 00:09:18,809 Uh, sure. 244 00:09:18,811 --> 00:09:21,011 The, uh, the holy trinity of Valentine's Day: 245 00:09:21,013 --> 00:09:24,464 sips, sonnets and sodomy. 246 00:09:26,852 --> 00:09:27,985 That's interesting. 247 00:09:27,987 --> 00:09:30,321 I can see you as a drunken sodomite, 248 00:09:30,323 --> 00:09:32,806 never imagined you liking poetry. 249 00:09:32,808 --> 00:09:34,408 Oh, no, no, I really do. 250 00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:36,076 Here's a poem you might appreciate. 251 00:09:36,078 --> 00:09:37,077 "Roses are red, 252 00:09:37,079 --> 00:09:38,362 "violets are blue, 253 00:09:38,364 --> 00:09:39,496 "I'm a nice person 254 00:09:39,498 --> 00:09:41,916 and you can bite my pale, unrefined ass." 255 00:09:46,054 --> 00:09:48,488 A lady doesn't bite. 256 00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:49,456 Hmm. 257 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,758 She will however be happy 258 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,493 to make you wear that ass as a bonnet. 259 00:09:56,015 --> 00:09:58,766 What the hell? 260 00:10:03,272 --> 00:10:04,772 Oh, my Lord. 261 00:10:04,774 --> 00:10:06,774 Where's the road? 262 00:10:06,776 --> 00:10:09,676 Probably inside that giant sinkhole. 263 00:10:09,678 --> 00:10:11,946 It looks like nobody's going anywhere today. 264 00:10:11,948 --> 00:10:13,513 Oh, smashing. 265 00:10:13,515 --> 00:10:14,865 Swell. 266 00:10:17,619 --> 00:10:19,787 Sodomy? 267 00:10:19,789 --> 00:10:21,538 Sodom-ish. 268 00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:24,792 ♪ Men. 269 00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,769 ♪ Men. 270 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:34,190 They say the road might be closed for another 48 hours. 271 00:10:34,192 --> 00:10:35,975 And that's if the rain lets up. 272 00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:39,112 Better call my ex-husband, let him know 273 00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:40,813 I probably won't be picking up Ava tomorrow. 274 00:10:40,815 --> 00:10:43,533 Better call my son, tell him I'll be home early. 275 00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:44,534 Early? 276 00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:45,668 I can't tell him the truth. 277 00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:47,487 If he knows I could be gone for two days, 278 00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:49,322 I might not have a house when I get back. 279 00:10:49,324 --> 00:10:52,875 Nice to have a relationship with your child built on trust. 280 00:10:52,877 --> 00:10:54,527 Excuse me? 281 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,530 I'm just saying, I never lie to my daughter. 282 00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:59,031 Really? And how old is she? 283 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,800 She's six. Aw. 284 00:11:00,802 --> 00:11:02,418 They're so precious at that age, aren't they? 285 00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:03,836 They are. 286 00:11:03,838 --> 00:11:06,172 Call me in a few years when she's pierced and pregnant 287 00:11:06,174 --> 00:11:08,374 with a pocket full of 30-day chips. 288 00:11:10,727 --> 00:11:12,562 There's no need to be crude. 289 00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:14,147 Oh, so now I'm crude? 290 00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:15,481 Not just now. 291 00:11:16,984 --> 00:11:18,734 That's it. 292 00:11:18,736 --> 00:11:20,937 Get ready for an old-fashioned 293 00:11:20,939 --> 00:11:21,904 trade school beat-down. 294 00:11:21,906 --> 00:11:23,523 Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 295 00:11:23,525 --> 00:11:25,658 Slow down. Slow it down. No! No! 296 00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:28,444 Little Miss Muffet's going to get knocked on her tuffet! 297 00:11:28,446 --> 00:11:30,613 Oh, bring it on, Snooki! 298 00:11:30,615 --> 00:11:32,081 Okay. Okay. No. 299 00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,749 Baby, baby, no. 300 00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,751 We're in a tough situation here. 301 00:11:35,753 --> 00:11:37,736 But this is a big house, and we're all adults. 302 00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,172 Yeah, some of us older than others. 303 00:11:39,174 --> 00:11:40,573 Oh! 304 00:11:41,626 --> 00:11:43,176 Walden's right. Walden's right. 305 00:11:43,178 --> 00:11:44,794 We got to make the best of this. 306 00:11:44,796 --> 00:11:47,130 You know, we can, uh... uh, we can play video games, 307 00:11:47,132 --> 00:11:48,848 listen to music, watch movies. 308 00:11:54,138 --> 00:11:56,189 We're all going to die. 309 00:11:57,191 --> 00:11:59,609 ♪ Men. 310 00:11:59,611 --> 00:12:00,726 I'm sorry. 311 00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:02,678 I'm not going to stay in the same house 312 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,929 as that horrible wom. 313 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,115 Okay, first of all, the road's closed, 314 00:12:06,117 --> 00:12:07,933 so nobody's going anywhere. 315 00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:11,871 And second of all, uh, she's not that horrible. 316 00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,660 What did you say? 317 00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:21,964 I said, "The road's closed." 318 00:12:21,966 --> 00:12:24,000 After that. 319 00:12:25,169 --> 00:12:27,837 "Nobody's going anywhere." 320 00:12:27,839 --> 00:12:29,639 Are you defending her? 321 00:12:29,641 --> 00:12:30,890 Oh, come on. 322 00:12:30,892 --> 00:12:33,459 It's a funny situation when you think about it. 323 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,795 Two women who shouldn't be anywhere near each other 324 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,482 trapped in a house 'cause of a silly rain storm. 325 00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:46,155 That's a bad laugh. 326 00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:49,358 ♪ Men. 327 00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,862 Oh, great. 328 00:12:52,864 --> 00:12:54,447 I just got my period. 329 00:12:54,449 --> 00:12:57,416 Oh, joy. 330 00:12:57,418 --> 00:13:00,169 My bloody Valentine. 331 00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:03,256 I'm out of tampons. 332 00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:04,674 You have to go get me some. 333 00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,025 What? 334 00:13:06,027 --> 00:13:07,326 Have you looked outside? 335 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,878 Yeah. It's raining. 336 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,296 This is not rain. 337 00:13:10,298 --> 00:13:12,848 This is some sort of biblical punishment. 338 00:13:12,850 --> 00:13:15,718 There's only one flood you need to be concerned about. 339 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,521 Why don't you just ask Zoey for one? 340 00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:20,022 Why don't I take that light off your head 341 00:13:20,024 --> 00:13:21,507 and give you a quick colonoscopy? 342 00:13:24,945 --> 00:13:27,780 At least now we know why you're in such a bad mood. 343 00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:29,014 What did you just say? 344 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:30,449 I said I'm going to the drugstore 345 00:13:30,451 --> 00:13:32,034 to buy you tampons. 346 00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:37,123 You're so pretty. 347 00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:42,962 Hey. Hi. 348 00:13:42,964 --> 00:13:44,697 Where you going? 349 00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,166 I am going to swim down to the drugstore 350 00:13:47,168 --> 00:13:50,002 and bob for tampons. 351 00:13:52,089 --> 00:13:54,006 Really? In-in this weather? 352 00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:56,342 What, are you out of your mind 353 00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:57,510 Walden! 354 00:13:57,512 --> 00:13:59,712 I'll come with you. 355 00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:03,182 ♪ Men. 356 00:14:04,768 --> 00:14:07,987 Looks like it's starting to let up. 357 00:14:11,775 --> 00:14:14,860 Yeah, this is blowing over. 358 00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:17,563 It's actually kind of refreshing. 359 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,199 And we certainly need the water. 360 00:14:20,201 --> 00:14:22,501 It's weird how people in L.A. 361 00:14:22,503 --> 00:14:26,255 make such a big fuss over a little rain. 362 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,746 That's the new Smart car. 363 00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:36,465 Doesn't look so smart now. 364 00:14:36,467 --> 00:14:38,718 ♪ Men. 365 00:14:43,256 --> 00:14:44,440 Ah. 366 00:14:45,309 --> 00:14:46,642 Hi. 367 00:14:47,477 --> 00:14:49,145 Hi. 368 00:14:50,397 --> 00:14:52,898 Do you happen to know where Walden is? 369 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,117 I happen to not. 370 00:14:55,952 --> 00:14:58,037 All right. 371 00:14:59,439 --> 00:15:00,623 Well, where's Alan? 372 00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,341 He went for a walk. 373 00:15:04,328 --> 00:15:05,795 A walk? 374 00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:07,380 Yeah, a walk. 375 00:15:07,382 --> 00:15:10,783 That's how poor people get from one place to another. 376 00:15:11,618 --> 00:15:13,452 All right. 377 00:15:18,508 --> 00:15:20,142 Mind if I share your wine? 378 00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:21,560 I don't know if you'll like it. 379 00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:23,062 It's domestic. 380 00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:25,898 Alan bought it. 381 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,301 Actually, I quite like California wine. 382 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,686 It's from Wisconsin. 383 00:15:30,688 --> 00:15:32,154 Ah. 384 00:15:33,523 --> 00:15:35,491 Well, desperate times. 385 00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:39,412 Shame our girlfriends don't get along, huh? 386 00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:41,947 Yeah, if they don't start playing nice with each other, 387 00:15:41,949 --> 00:15:44,500 you're going to have to find a new place to live. 388 00:15:44,502 --> 00:15:46,702 No doubt. 389 00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,374 Or I could find another girlfriend. 390 00:15:52,926 --> 00:15:55,177 ♪ Men. 391 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,055 Well, cheers. 392 00:16:07,224 --> 00:16:09,275 Cheers. 393 00:16:14,981 --> 00:16:17,650 For the record, I like Walden very much. 394 00:16:17,652 --> 00:16:19,368 He seems like a great guy. 395 00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:21,454 Well, thank you. 396 00:16:21,456 --> 00:16:23,322 Alan's... 397 00:16:23,324 --> 00:16:25,741 Thank you. 398 00:16:26,877 --> 00:16:29,128 So... what's your plan 399 00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:31,380 for the young, gorgeous billionaire? 400 00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:34,049 I'm sorry. Plan? 401 00:16:34,051 --> 00:16:35,718 Oh, come on. 402 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,586 Educated girl like you? 403 00:16:37,588 --> 00:16:40,172 You got to have a plan to nail him down. 404 00:16:40,174 --> 00:16:41,373 I don't. 405 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,375 My feelings for Walden are genuine. 406 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,544 I have no desire to manipulate him 407 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,396 into some sort of commitment. 408 00:16:48,231 --> 00:16:50,566 Huh. 409 00:16:53,987 --> 00:16:56,739 But if I did, what sort of plan do you think might work? 410 00:16:56,741 --> 00:17:00,159 Well, first thing I'd do is throw out my diaphragm. 411 00:17:00,161 --> 00:17:01,660 I'm on the pill. 412 00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:02,778 All right. 413 00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:04,947 Swap out those puppies for Tic Tacs. 414 00:17:07,751 --> 00:17:09,034 You know, it's actually good 415 00:17:09,036 --> 00:17:11,036 that Lyndsey sent me to the drugstore. 416 00:17:11,038 --> 00:17:13,839 'Cause now I can pick up her Valentine's Day gift. 417 00:17:13,841 --> 00:17:15,508 Nice! 418 00:17:15,510 --> 00:17:19,295 Yeah, nothing says "I love you" like Q-tips and stool softener. 419 00:17:19,297 --> 00:17:21,130 I-I was thinking of something more... 420 00:17:24,184 --> 00:17:25,351 Alan! 421 00:17:25,353 --> 00:17:27,085 Tell Jake I love him! 422 00:17:28,138 --> 00:17:31,440 And buy Lyndsey tampons! 423 00:17:32,258 --> 00:17:34,610 ♪ Men. 424 00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,376 ♪ Men. 425 00:17:39,378 --> 00:17:42,596 So, anyway, then we got married and had my son, Eldridge. 426 00:17:42,598 --> 00:17:44,214 How long after? 427 00:17:44,216 --> 00:17:46,850 Actually, my water broke during the ceremony. 428 00:17:48,269 --> 00:17:50,053 Really put a crimp in the reception. 429 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:53,807 Tell me about your ex. 430 00:17:53,809 --> 00:17:55,592 Nigel. 431 00:17:55,594 --> 00:17:58,812 Oh, God, how can I describe Nigel? 432 00:17:58,814 --> 00:18:02,482 Highly educated, extremely cultured, 433 00:18:02,484 --> 00:18:05,268 and as you Americans might say... 434 00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:08,372 "a total freakin' douche bag." 435 00:18:09,992 --> 00:18:11,542 Really? 436 00:18:11,544 --> 00:18:13,660 My ex-husband is, as you Brits might say... 437 00:18:13,662 --> 00:18:16,046 "a right bloody wanker." 438 00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:20,784 Looks like we both traded up, huh? 439 00:18:22,554 --> 00:18:24,304 Yes, absolutely. 440 00:18:24,306 --> 00:18:26,723 Cheers to us. Mmm. 441 00:18:26,725 --> 00:18:30,394 This is turning out to be a pretty nice Valentine's Day. 442 00:18:30,396 --> 00:18:31,979 It is, isn't it? 443 00:18:31,981 --> 00:18:33,847 Thanks for the tampon, by the way. 444 00:18:33,849 --> 00:18:35,766 Oh, pleasure. 445 00:18:35,768 --> 00:18:37,467 Appears our cycles have synched up. 446 00:18:37,469 --> 00:18:38,685 Yeah. 447 00:18:38,687 --> 00:18:41,855 Probably why we haven't seen the boys for a while. 448 00:18:41,857 --> 00:18:43,824 We have been a bit out of sorts. 449 00:18:43,826 --> 00:18:44,942 Mmm. Edgy. 450 00:18:44,944 --> 00:18:46,443 Moody. 451 00:18:47,245 --> 00:18:49,496 Bitchy. Bitchy. 452 00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:53,817 Oh, I do hope our fellows are all right. 453 00:18:53,819 --> 00:18:55,786 I'm sure they're fine. 454 00:18:55,788 --> 00:18:57,421 Yeah. 455 00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,123 Let me go! 456 00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:01,675 Save yourself! No! 457 00:19:01,677 --> 00:19:05,345 If you go, I go! 458 00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:13,470 Hey, Lyndsey. 459 00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:15,672 Yeah, we haven't gotten to the drugstore yet. 460 00:19:15,674 --> 00:19:18,976 We're in a little bit of a situation here. 461 00:19:18,978 --> 00:19:20,227 All right. 462 00:19:20,229 --> 00:19:22,229 What kind of ice cream? 463 00:19:23,398 --> 00:19:25,315 Seriously, let me go. 464 00:19:25,317 --> 00:19:29,317 == sync, corrected by elderman ==