00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:03,505 --> 00:00:05,473
Oh, God.
2
00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,521
That feels so good.
3
00:00:11,046 --> 00:00:12,629
Where'd you learn to do that?
4
00:00:12,631 --> 00:00:13,747
Chiropractic school?
5
00:00:13,749 --> 00:00:14,915
Long before that.
6
00:00:14,917 --> 00:00:17,051
When I was a kid,
I had to do this for my mom.
7
00:00:17,053 --> 00:00:18,969
Had to?
8
00:00:18,971 --> 00:00:20,888
If I wanted dessert.
9
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,023
Oh, poor baby.
10
00:00:23,025 --> 00:00:25,142
Tell you what, when you're
done with my other foot,
11
00:00:25,144 --> 00:00:26,760
I'll give you a
little dessert.
12
00:00:26,762 --> 00:00:28,312
Thank you, Mommy.
13
00:00:30,115 --> 00:00:31,148
Hey.
14
00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:32,232
Hey!
15
00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:33,617
Oh, hey.
How was the opera?
16
00:00:33,619 --> 00:00:34,818
Magnificent.
17
00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:36,269
Il Trovatore.
18
00:00:36,271 --> 00:00:37,571
Walden cried.
19
00:00:37,573 --> 00:00:39,073
- Oh.
- Oh.
20
00:00:39,075 --> 00:00:41,075
Come on, a guy
in a leotard and a skirt
21
00:00:41,077 --> 00:00:43,410
realizes he chopped
his own brother's head off.
22
00:00:44,279 --> 00:00:45,963
That's heartbreaking.
23
00:00:45,965 --> 00:00:49,116
I keep trying to take Lyndsey
to the opera, but she won't go.
24
00:00:49,118 --> 00:00:50,718
I'm sorry,
25
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,053
I'm just not a fan of fat people
singing in a foreign language
26
00:00:53,055 --> 00:00:54,638
for two and
a half hours.
27
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,890
Well, opera's not for everyone.
28
00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:58,926
To appreciate it requires
a refined taste
29
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,644
and a certain amount
of education.
30
00:01:00,646 --> 00:01:03,263
Whoa.
31
00:01:03,265 --> 00:01:05,899
You did not
just say that.
32
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:06,850
Say what?
33
00:01:06,852 --> 00:01:08,068
I am plenty refined,
34
00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,237
and I happen to have
an Associate of Arts degree
35
00:01:10,239 --> 00:01:12,305
from Santa Monica
Community College.
36
00:01:12,307 --> 00:01:14,992
I'm sorry, I wasn't
trying to be pejorative.
37
00:01:14,994 --> 00:01:16,643
What's that supposed to mean?
38
00:01:16,645 --> 00:01:18,779
Uh, pejorative is having
a derogatory...
39
00:01:18,781 --> 00:01:20,748
I know what
the word means!
40
00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,032
Sorry, sorry.
41
00:01:22,034 --> 00:01:23,033
What's community college?
44
00:01:27,289 --> 00:01:30,174
We've already seen
one beheading tonight.
45
00:01:30,176 --> 00:01:31,675
Where did you go to college?
46
00:01:31,677 --> 00:01:33,093
Oxford?
47
00:01:33,095 --> 00:01:34,511
Only for two years.
48
00:01:34,513 --> 00:01:35,679
Aw, did you flunk out?
49
00:01:35,681 --> 00:01:37,831
No, I transferred
to Harvard.
50
00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:39,666
Harvard.
51
00:01:39,668 --> 00:01:41,935
The Santa Monica
Community College of the East.
52
00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:48,392
What do you say we go
get ready for bed?
53
00:01:48,394 --> 00:01:50,611
Yeah, good idea.
54
00:01:50,613 --> 00:01:52,529
♪ Mi chiamano Mimi
55
00:01:52,531 --> 00:01:58,068
♪ Il perchè non so
sola, mi fo. ♪
56
00:01:58,070 --> 00:02:02,072
I also took a semester off
to study opera in Florence.
57
00:02:02,074 --> 00:02:04,741
That's in Italy.
58
00:02:04,743 --> 00:02:06,994
Wow.
59
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:09,079
That is one talented lady.
60
00:02:10,466 --> 00:02:13,300
And by "talented"
I mean annoying,
61
00:02:13,302 --> 00:02:15,535
and by "lady" I mean bitch.
62
00:02:17,422 --> 00:02:21,008
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
63
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:24,094
♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
♪ Ooh
64
00:02:24,096 --> 00:02:27,214
♪ Men, men, men, manly men ♪
♪ Ooh
65
00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:29,433
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪
66
00:02:29,435 --> 00:02:31,652
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
67
00:02:31,654 --> 00:02:34,988
♪ Ooh
♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
68
00:02:34,990 --> 00:02:37,125
♪ Ah.
♪ Men.
69
00:02:37,573 --> 00:02:41,073
♪ Two and a Half Men 9x16 ♪
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
Original Air Date on February 13, 2012
70
00:02:41,074 --> 00:02:44,574
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
71
00:02:46,852 --> 00:02:48,920
♪ Men.
72
00:02:48,922 --> 00:02:51,422
"Fat people singing
in a foreign language."
73
00:02:51,424 --> 00:02:52,840
Can you believe her?
74
00:02:52,842 --> 00:02:55,493
No. It's unbelievable.
75
00:02:55,495 --> 00:02:57,011
Maybe she'd be
more appreciative of
76
00:02:57,013 --> 00:02:59,213
fat people singing
in her native language.
77
00:02:59,215 --> 00:03:02,650
No to Pavarotti,
yes to Cee Lo Green.
78
00:03:02,652 --> 00:03:04,852
Mm. Forget you?
79
00:03:04,854 --> 00:03:07,021
Forget her.
80
00:03:07,023 --> 00:03:09,724
And then she has the nerve to
insult me simply 'cause I have
81
00:03:09,726 --> 00:03:11,476
a modicum of sophistication
and good taste.
82
00:03:11,478 --> 00:03:13,260
Mm, you do
taste good.
83
00:03:14,614 --> 00:03:15,980
I know what she thinks.
84
00:03:15,982 --> 00:03:17,949
She thinks I'm snobbish
and condescending.
85
00:03:17,951 --> 00:03:19,099
Mm, but you're not.
86
00:03:19,101 --> 00:03:20,451
No, I'm not.
87
00:03:20,453 --> 00:03:21,435
It's a shame, really.
88
00:03:21,437 --> 00:03:24,906
So much I could teach
the poor girl.
89
00:03:24,908 --> 00:03:26,457
It's her loss.
90
00:03:26,459 --> 00:03:28,543
God knows what Alan
sees in her.
91
00:03:28,545 --> 00:03:30,378
Yeah, he could
totally do better.
92
00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,279
No, he couldn't;
he's a complete loser.
93
00:03:32,281 --> 00:03:34,448
What are you talking about?
94
00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:37,084
Um, you said...
95
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,953
Never mind.
96
00:03:38,955 --> 00:03:40,421
"Refined taste."
97
00:03:40,423 --> 00:03:42,340
I'd like to punch
her refined face in.
98
00:03:42,342 --> 00:03:45,626
And you could;
you hit hard.
99
00:03:45,628 --> 00:03:46,811
You know
what her problem is?
100
00:03:46,813 --> 00:03:48,312
She was born with
all the advantages
101
00:03:48,314 --> 00:03:50,014
and now she thinks
she's better than everyone else.
102
00:03:50,016 --> 00:03:51,182
Like her poop doesn't stink.
103
00:03:51,184 --> 00:03:54,185
Your poop
stinks, honey.
104
00:03:54,187 --> 00:03:57,271
Thank you.
105
00:03:57,273 --> 00:03:59,790
Especially after
Indian food.
106
00:04:00,776 --> 00:04:04,078
That is a real working-class
stank right there.
107
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,532
Boy, I am so turned
on right now.
108
00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,650
What could Walden
possibly see in that,
109
00:04:09,652 --> 00:04:11,536
in that stuck-up
English muffin?
110
00:04:11,538 --> 00:04:15,155
Maybe it's her
nooks and crannies.
111
00:04:15,157 --> 00:04:16,123
What?
112
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,925
Uh, you know,
English muffin.
113
00:04:17,927 --> 00:04:19,260
Uh, nooks
and crannies.
114
00:04:19,262 --> 00:04:20,327
For the butter.
115
00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:22,663
Or margarine, as
the case may be.
116
00:04:22,665 --> 00:04:26,166
Are you saying
you like her body?
117
00:04:26,168 --> 00:04:27,167
Oh, no, no.
118
00:04:27,169 --> 00:04:28,603
No, it's your
body that I love.
119
00:04:28,605 --> 00:04:30,054
You've got the
stinky poop.
120
00:04:31,557 --> 00:04:32,807
Be honest with me.
121
00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:35,943
Have I not been entirely civil
and charming to her?
122
00:04:35,945 --> 00:04:38,012
You have.
123
00:04:39,815 --> 00:04:42,066
Then why does she give me
that attitude?
124
00:04:42,068 --> 00:04:44,201
Who know...?
She's crazy.
125
00:04:44,203 --> 00:04:47,355
Well, I wouldn't call her crazy;
she's certainly unpleasant.
126
00:04:47,357 --> 00:04:48,322
That's what I meant.
127
00:04:48,324 --> 00:04:50,157
Unpleasant.
128
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:53,077
Are you humoring me
just so I'll have sex with you?
129
00:04:53,079 --> 00:04:57,031
No. I took you to the opera
so you would have sex with me.
130
00:04:58,034 --> 00:04:59,000
You're terrible.
131
00:04:59,002 --> 00:05:00,051
I'm trying to be,
132
00:05:00,053 --> 00:05:02,470
but there's a lot
of damn bows here.
133
00:05:02,472 --> 00:05:04,705
♪ Men.
134
00:05:06,925 --> 00:05:08,059
Alan?
135
00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:10,044
Yeah?
136
00:05:10,046 --> 00:05:12,146
I'm sorry
I ruined our night.
137
00:05:12,148 --> 00:05:13,397
That's okay.
138
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,049
No, it's not.
139
00:05:15,051 --> 00:05:16,684
Let me make it up to you.
140
00:05:16,686 --> 00:05:18,152
Really?
141
00:05:18,154 --> 00:05:19,186
I get dessert?
142
00:05:20,356 --> 00:05:21,522
Oh, Walden!
143
00:05:21,524 --> 00:05:22,607
Oh, my God!
144
00:05:22,609 --> 00:05:25,159
Oh, my God!
I don't believe it.
145
00:05:25,161 --> 00:05:27,061
Do you know what she's doing?
146
00:05:27,063 --> 00:05:28,896
Well, I think I have
a general idea.
147
00:05:28,898 --> 00:05:31,449
She wants me to hear that.
Oh, my God!
148
00:05:31,451 --> 00:05:32,950
She's rubbing my nose in it.
149
00:05:32,952 --> 00:05:34,928
Sounds more like she's
rubbing his nose in it.
150
00:05:34,953 --> 00:05:36,153
Oh, my God!
151
00:05:36,339 --> 00:05:38,956
Two can play at that game.
152
00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:40,091
Oh! Oh!
153
00:05:40,093 --> 00:05:41,342
Oh! Oh!
154
00:05:41,344 --> 00:05:42,409
Oh, my God!
155
00:05:42,411 --> 00:05:43,377
Oh!
156
00:05:43,379 --> 00:05:44,962
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
157
00:05:44,964 --> 00:05:46,080
Making love to you.
158
00:05:46,082 --> 00:05:47,598
Oh, my God!
Oh!
159
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,684
Oh!
You want me to help?
160
00:05:49,686 --> 00:05:50,635
No, I got this.
161
00:05:50,637 --> 00:05:54,522
Oh! Oh!
162
00:05:55,307 --> 00:05:57,091
Oh! Oh!
163
00:05:57,093 --> 00:05:58,893
Oh! Oh!
164
00:05:58,895 --> 00:05:59,927
Oh!
165
00:05:59,929 --> 00:06:00,761
Oh!
166
00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:02,530
Oh!
Oh...!
167
00:06:02,532 --> 00:06:05,149
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
168
00:06:05,151 --> 00:06:06,767
Oh, my God!
169
00:06:06,769 --> 00:06:07,935
Oh, Alan!
170
00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:09,103
Oh, Walden!
171
00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:10,270
Oh!
172
00:06:10,272 --> 00:06:11,605
Oh!
173
00:06:11,607 --> 00:06:12,873
Oh!
174
00:06:20,082 --> 00:06:23,034
♪ Men.
175
00:06:23,036 --> 00:06:26,587
Happy Valentine's
Day, darling.
176
00:06:26,589 --> 00:06:29,840
You, too, sweetheart.
177
00:06:29,842 --> 00:06:32,793
Sounded like you and Zoey
were getting an early start
178
00:06:32,795 --> 00:06:34,428
on your celebrating last night.
179
00:06:36,264 --> 00:06:38,516
Oh, yeah.
180
00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:41,402
You and Lyndsey were making
181
00:06:41,404 --> 00:06:43,270
quite a bit
of a racket yourselves.
182
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,806
Oh, you heard that?
183
00:06:45,808 --> 00:06:48,308
It was kind of
hard not to.
184
00:06:48,310 --> 00:06:49,643
Well, you know how it is.
185
00:06:49,645 --> 00:06:52,947
Uh, you and I
are like the mailmen.
186
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,868
Rain or shine, we got to deliver
the old package.
187
00:06:57,870 --> 00:07:00,254
Handle with care.
188
00:07:01,958 --> 00:07:03,457
Express delivery.
189
00:07:07,045 --> 00:07:10,464
No, wait, let me think
of another one.
190
00:07:10,466 --> 00:07:11,749
This side up.
191
00:07:11,751 --> 00:07:13,384
Oh.
192
00:07:13,386 --> 00:07:15,186
That's good, that's good.
193
00:07:21,026 --> 00:07:23,510
Oh, who am I kidding?
194
00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:25,279
Last night was a complete sham.
195
00:07:25,281 --> 00:07:26,480
What do you mean?
196
00:07:26,482 --> 00:07:28,315
Zoey was trying to prove
197
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,950
some kind of point to Lyndsey.
198
00:07:29,952 --> 00:07:31,786
So, all that noise was, uh...?
199
00:07:31,788 --> 00:07:34,155
I had nothing to do with it.
200
00:07:34,157 --> 00:07:36,290
Sorry.
201
00:07:37,793 --> 00:07:42,963
Well, since we're being honest,
I should probably tell you...
202
00:07:42,965 --> 00:07:47,501
I... had what was probably the
best sex of my life last night.
203
00:07:52,841 --> 00:07:53,891
Good morning.
204
00:07:53,893 --> 00:07:54,875
Huh?
205
00:07:54,877 --> 00:07:56,560
Oh, morning.
206
00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:57,845
Sleep well?
207
00:07:57,847 --> 00:07:59,046
Terrific.
208
00:07:59,048 --> 00:08:01,565
Good. I was afraid
we might have kept you awake.
209
00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:02,850
Really?
210
00:08:02,852 --> 00:08:04,935
I was worried we might have
kept you awake.
211
00:08:04,937 --> 00:08:07,354
No, no, I slept like a baby.
212
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,073
Hope you didn't wet the bed.
213
00:08:13,529 --> 00:08:15,112
They're laughing.
214
00:08:15,114 --> 00:08:16,697
That's good, right?
215
00:08:16,699 --> 00:08:18,682
Not that laugh.
216
00:08:18,684 --> 00:08:21,368
That's the bad laugh.
217
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:25,389
Shame it has to be raining
on Valentine's Day.
218
00:08:25,391 --> 00:08:29,576
Yeah, well, fortunately, the sun
is shining in Cabo San Lucas.
219
00:08:29,578 --> 00:08:31,045
Thanks for the weather report.
220
00:08:31,047 --> 00:08:33,130
Now here's Alan
with the sports.
221
00:08:34,933 --> 00:08:36,717
I just meant
that's where Walden and I
222
00:08:36,719 --> 00:08:37,852
are flying for dinner tonight.
223
00:08:37,854 --> 00:08:39,053
Really?
224
00:08:39,055 --> 00:08:40,087
Good luck with LAX.
225
00:08:40,089 --> 00:08:41,455
Place is gonna be a madhouse.
226
00:08:41,457 --> 00:08:42,756
That may well be.
227
00:08:42,758 --> 00:08:44,775
Luckily, Walden's got
his private jet, so...
228
00:08:44,777 --> 00:08:46,193
Of course he does.
229
00:08:46,195 --> 00:08:49,146
Or they could fly down
on her private broom.
230
00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:52,766
What are you and Alan
doing to celebrate?
231
00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:54,568
Oh, don't worry
about us.
232
00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:55,820
We have big plans.
233
00:08:55,822 --> 00:08:56,987
Ooh.
234
00:08:56,989 --> 00:08:58,622
Another festive foot rub?
235
00:09:03,112 --> 00:09:04,295
Bad laugh?
236
00:09:06,331 --> 00:09:08,215
As a matter of fact,
we're gonna spend the night
237
00:09:08,217 --> 00:09:09,333
at a little bed-and-breakfast
238
00:09:09,335 --> 00:09:11,302
outside Santa Barbara
where we're gonna
239
00:09:11,304 --> 00:09:13,053
drink wine, read poetry
240
00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:14,672
and have hot,
kinky sex.
241
00:09:14,674 --> 00:09:15,806
Right, Alan?
242
00:09:15,808 --> 00:09:17,675
Oh, yeah, sure.
243
00:09:17,677 --> 00:09:18,809
Uh, sure.
244
00:09:18,811 --> 00:09:21,011
The, uh, the holy trinity of
Valentine's Day:
245
00:09:21,013 --> 00:09:24,464
sips, sonnets and sodomy.
246
00:09:26,852 --> 00:09:27,985
That's interesting.
247
00:09:27,987 --> 00:09:30,321
I can see you
as a drunken sodomite,
248
00:09:30,323 --> 00:09:32,806
never imagined
you liking poetry.
249
00:09:32,808 --> 00:09:34,408
Oh, no, no, I really do.
250
00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:36,076
Here's a poem
you might appreciate.
251
00:09:36,078 --> 00:09:37,077
"Roses are red,
252
00:09:37,079 --> 00:09:38,362
"violets are blue,
253
00:09:38,364 --> 00:09:39,496
"I'm a nice person
254
00:09:39,498 --> 00:09:41,916
and you can bite my pale,
unrefined ass."
255
00:09:46,054 --> 00:09:48,488
A lady doesn't bite.
256
00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:49,456
Hmm.
257
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,758
She will however be happy
258
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,493
to make you wear that ass
as a bonnet.
259
00:09:56,015 --> 00:09:58,766
What the hell?
260
00:10:03,272 --> 00:10:04,772
Oh, my Lord.
261
00:10:04,774 --> 00:10:06,774
Where's the road?
262
00:10:06,776 --> 00:10:09,676
Probably inside
that giant sinkhole.
263
00:10:09,678 --> 00:10:11,946
It looks like nobody's
going anywhere today.
264
00:10:11,948 --> 00:10:13,513
Oh, smashing.
265
00:10:13,515 --> 00:10:14,865
Swell.
266
00:10:17,619 --> 00:10:19,787
Sodomy?
267
00:10:19,789 --> 00:10:21,538
Sodom-ish.
268
00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:24,792
♪ Men.
269
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,769
♪ Men.
270
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:34,190
They say the road might be
closed for another 48 hours.
271
00:10:34,192 --> 00:10:35,975
And that's if
the rain lets up.
272
00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:39,112
Better call my ex-husband,
let him know
273
00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:40,813
I probably won't be
picking up Ava tomorrow.
274
00:10:40,815 --> 00:10:43,533
Better call my son, tell
him I'll be home early.
275
00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:44,534
Early?
276
00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:45,668
I can't tell
him the truth.
277
00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:47,487
If he knows I could
be gone for two days,
278
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:49,322
I might not have a
house when I get back.
279
00:10:49,324 --> 00:10:52,875
Nice to have a relationship
with your child built on trust.
280
00:10:52,877 --> 00:10:54,527
Excuse me?
281
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,530
I'm just saying,
I never lie to my daughter.
282
00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:59,031
Really?
And how old is she?
283
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,800
She's six.
Aw.
284
00:11:00,802 --> 00:11:02,418
They're so precious
at that age, aren't they?
285
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:03,836
They are.
286
00:11:03,838 --> 00:11:06,172
Call me in a few years
when she's pierced and pregnant
287
00:11:06,174 --> 00:11:08,374
with a pocket
full of 30-day chips.
288
00:11:10,727 --> 00:11:12,562
There's no need to be crude.
289
00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:14,147
Oh, so now I'm crude?
290
00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:15,481
Not just now.
291
00:11:16,984 --> 00:11:18,734
That's it.
292
00:11:18,736 --> 00:11:20,937
Get ready for an
old-fashioned
293
00:11:20,939 --> 00:11:21,904
trade school beat-down.
294
00:11:21,906 --> 00:11:23,523
Oh! No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
295
00:11:23,525 --> 00:11:25,658
Slow down. Slow it down.
No! No!
296
00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:28,444
Little Miss Muffet's going to
get knocked on her tuffet!
297
00:11:28,446 --> 00:11:30,613
Oh, bring it on, Snooki!
298
00:11:30,615 --> 00:11:32,081
Okay. Okay. No.
299
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,749
Baby, baby, no.
300
00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,751
We're in a tough
situation here.
301
00:11:35,753 --> 00:11:37,736
But this is a big house,
and we're all adults.
302
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,172
Yeah, some of us
older than others.
303
00:11:39,174 --> 00:11:40,573
Oh!
304
00:11:41,626 --> 00:11:43,176
Walden's right.
Walden's right.
305
00:11:43,178 --> 00:11:44,794
We got to make
the best of this.
306
00:11:44,796 --> 00:11:47,130
You know, we can, uh...
uh, we can play video games,
307
00:11:47,132 --> 00:11:48,848
listen to music,
watch movies.
308
00:11:54,138 --> 00:11:56,189
We're all going to die.
309
00:11:57,191 --> 00:11:59,609
♪ Men.
310
00:11:59,611 --> 00:12:00,726
I'm sorry.
311
00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:02,678
I'm not going to stay
in the same house
312
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,929
as that horrible wom.
313
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,115
Okay, first of all,
the road's closed,
314
00:12:06,117 --> 00:12:07,933
so nobody's going anywhere.
315
00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:11,871
And second of all, uh,
she's not that horrible.
316
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,660
What did you say?
317
00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:21,964
I said, "The road's closed."
318
00:12:21,966 --> 00:12:24,000
After that.
319
00:12:25,169 --> 00:12:27,837
"Nobody's going anywhere."
320
00:12:27,839 --> 00:12:29,639
Are you defending her?
321
00:12:29,641 --> 00:12:30,890
Oh, come on.
322
00:12:30,892 --> 00:12:33,459
It's a funny situation
when you think about it.
323
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,795
Two women who shouldn't be
anywhere near each other
324
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,482
trapped in a house
'cause of a silly rain storm.
325
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:46,155
That's a bad laugh.
326
00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:49,358
♪ Men.
327
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,862
Oh, great.
328
00:12:52,864 --> 00:12:54,447
I just got my period.
329
00:12:54,449 --> 00:12:57,416
Oh, joy.
330
00:12:57,418 --> 00:13:00,169
My bloody Valentine.
331
00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:03,256
I'm out of tampons.
332
00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:04,674
You have to go get me some.
333
00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,025
What?
334
00:13:06,027 --> 00:13:07,326
Have you looked outside?
335
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,878
Yeah. It's raining.
336
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,296
This is not rain.
337
00:13:10,298 --> 00:13:12,848
This is some sort
of biblical punishment.
338
00:13:12,850 --> 00:13:15,718
There's only one flood
you need to be concerned about.
339
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,521
Why don't you just ask Zoey
for one?
340
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:20,022
Why don't I take
that light off your head
341
00:13:20,024 --> 00:13:21,507
and give you
a quick colonoscopy?
342
00:13:24,945 --> 00:13:27,780
At least now we know
why you're in such a bad mood.
343
00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:29,014
What did you just say?
344
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:30,449
I said I'm going
to the drugstore
345
00:13:30,451 --> 00:13:32,034
to buy you tampons.
346
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:37,123
You're so pretty.
347
00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:42,962
Hey.
Hi.
348
00:13:42,964 --> 00:13:44,697
Where you going?
349
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,166
I am going to swim
down to the drugstore
350
00:13:47,168 --> 00:13:50,002
and bob for tampons.
351
00:13:52,089 --> 00:13:54,006
Really?
In-in this weather?
352
00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:56,342
What, are you out of your mind
353
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:57,510
Walden!
354
00:13:57,512 --> 00:13:59,712
I'll come with you.
355
00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:03,182
♪ Men.
356
00:14:04,768 --> 00:14:07,987
Looks like it's
starting to let up.
357
00:14:11,775 --> 00:14:14,860
Yeah, this is
blowing over.
358
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:17,563
It's actually
kind of refreshing.
359
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,199
And we certainly
need the water.
360
00:14:20,201 --> 00:14:22,501
It's weird
how people in L.A.
361
00:14:22,503 --> 00:14:26,255
make such a big fuss
over a little rain.
362
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,746
That's the new
Smart car.
363
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:36,465
Doesn't look
so smart now.
364
00:14:36,467 --> 00:14:38,718
♪ Men.
365
00:14:43,256 --> 00:14:44,440
Ah.
366
00:14:45,309 --> 00:14:46,642
Hi.
367
00:14:47,477 --> 00:14:49,145
Hi.
368
00:14:50,397 --> 00:14:52,898
Do you happen to know
where Walden is?
369
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,117
I happen to not.
370
00:14:55,952 --> 00:14:58,037
All right.
371
00:14:59,439 --> 00:15:00,623
Well, where's Alan?
372
00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:02,341
He went for a walk.
373
00:15:04,328 --> 00:15:05,795
A walk?
374
00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:07,380
Yeah, a walk.
375
00:15:07,382 --> 00:15:10,783
That's how poor people
get from one place to another.
376
00:15:11,618 --> 00:15:13,452
All right.
377
00:15:18,508 --> 00:15:20,142
Mind if I share your wine?
378
00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:21,560
I don't know if you'll like it.
379
00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:23,062
It's domestic.
380
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:25,898
Alan bought it.
381
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,301
Actually, I quite like
California wine.
382
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,686
It's from Wisconsin.
383
00:15:30,688 --> 00:15:32,154
Ah.
384
00:15:33,523 --> 00:15:35,491
Well, desperate times.
385
00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:39,412
Shame our girlfriends
don't get along, huh?
386
00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:41,947
Yeah, if they don't start
playing nice with each other,
387
00:15:41,949 --> 00:15:44,500
you're going to have to find
a new place to live.
388
00:15:44,502 --> 00:15:46,702
No doubt.
389
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,374
Or I could find
another girlfriend.
390
00:15:52,926 --> 00:15:55,177
♪ Men.
391
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,055
Well, cheers.
392
00:16:07,224 --> 00:16:09,275
Cheers.
393
00:16:14,981 --> 00:16:17,650
For the record, I like
Walden very much.
394
00:16:17,652 --> 00:16:19,368
He seems like a great guy.
395
00:16:19,370 --> 00:16:21,454
Well, thank you.
396
00:16:21,456 --> 00:16:23,322
Alan's...
397
00:16:23,324 --> 00:16:25,741
Thank you.
398
00:16:26,877 --> 00:16:29,128
So... what's your plan
399
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:31,380
for the young,
gorgeous billionaire?
400
00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:34,049
I'm sorry. Plan?
401
00:16:34,051 --> 00:16:35,718
Oh, come on.
402
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,586
Educated girl like you?
403
00:16:37,588 --> 00:16:40,172
You got to have a plan
to nail him down.
404
00:16:40,174 --> 00:16:41,373
I don't.
405
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,375
My feelings for Walden
are genuine.
406
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,544
I have no desire
to manipulate him
407
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,396
into some sort
of commitment.
408
00:16:48,231 --> 00:16:50,566
Huh.
409
00:16:53,987 --> 00:16:56,739
But if I did, what sort of plan
do you think might work?
410
00:16:56,741 --> 00:17:00,159
Well, first thing I'd do
is throw out my diaphragm.
411
00:17:00,161 --> 00:17:01,660
I'm on the pill.
412
00:17:01,662 --> 00:17:02,778
All right.
413
00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:04,947
Swap out those puppies
for Tic Tacs.
414
00:17:07,751 --> 00:17:09,034
You know, it's
actually good
415
00:17:09,036 --> 00:17:11,036
that Lyndsey sent me
to the drugstore.
416
00:17:11,038 --> 00:17:13,839
'Cause now I can pick up
her Valentine's Day gift.
417
00:17:13,841 --> 00:17:15,508
Nice!
418
00:17:15,510 --> 00:17:19,295
Yeah, nothing says "I love you"
like Q-tips and stool softener.
419
00:17:19,297 --> 00:17:21,130
I-I was thinking
of something more...
420
00:17:24,184 --> 00:17:25,351
Alan!
421
00:17:25,353 --> 00:17:27,085
Tell Jake I love him!
422
00:17:28,138 --> 00:17:31,440
And buy Lyndsey tampons!
423
00:17:32,258 --> 00:17:34,610
♪ Men.
424
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,376
♪ Men.
425
00:17:39,378 --> 00:17:42,596
So, anyway, then we got married
and had my son, Eldridge.
426
00:17:42,598 --> 00:17:44,214
How long after?
427
00:17:44,216 --> 00:17:46,850
Actually, my water broke
during the ceremony.
428
00:17:48,269 --> 00:17:50,053
Really put a crimp
in the reception.
429
00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:53,807
Tell me about your ex.
430
00:17:53,809 --> 00:17:55,592
Nigel.
431
00:17:55,594 --> 00:17:58,812
Oh, God, how can
I describe Nigel?
432
00:17:58,814 --> 00:18:02,482
Highly educated,
extremely cultured,
433
00:18:02,484 --> 00:18:05,268
and as you Americans
might say...
434
00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:08,372
"a total freakin' douche bag."
435
00:18:09,992 --> 00:18:11,542
Really?
436
00:18:11,544 --> 00:18:13,660
My ex-husband is,
as you Brits might say...
437
00:18:13,662 --> 00:18:16,046
"a right bloody wanker."
438
00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:20,784
Looks like we both
traded up, huh?
439
00:18:22,554 --> 00:18:24,304
Yes, absolutely.
440
00:18:24,306 --> 00:18:26,723
Cheers to us.
Mmm.
441
00:18:26,725 --> 00:18:30,394
This is turning out to be
a pretty nice Valentine's Day.
442
00:18:30,396 --> 00:18:31,979
It is, isn't it?
443
00:18:31,981 --> 00:18:33,847
Thanks for the tampon,
by the way.
444
00:18:33,849 --> 00:18:35,766
Oh, pleasure.
445
00:18:35,768 --> 00:18:37,467
Appears our cycles
have synched up.
446
00:18:37,469 --> 00:18:38,685
Yeah.
447
00:18:38,687 --> 00:18:41,855
Probably why we haven't
seen the boys for a while.
448
00:18:41,857 --> 00:18:43,824
We have been a bit out of sorts.
449
00:18:43,826 --> 00:18:44,942
Mmm. Edgy.
450
00:18:44,944 --> 00:18:46,443
Moody.
451
00:18:47,245 --> 00:18:49,496
Bitchy.
Bitchy.
452
00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:53,817
Oh, I do hope our
fellows are all right.
453
00:18:53,819 --> 00:18:55,786
I'm sure they're fine.
454
00:18:55,788 --> 00:18:57,421
Yeah.
455
00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:00,123
Let me go!
456
00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:01,675
Save yourself!
No!
457
00:19:01,677 --> 00:19:05,345
If you go, I go!
458
00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:13,470
Hey, Lyndsey.
459
00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:15,672
Yeah, we haven't gotten
to the drugstore yet.
460
00:19:15,674 --> 00:19:18,976
We're in a little bit
of a situation here.
461
00:19:18,978 --> 00:19:20,227
All right.
462
00:19:20,229 --> 00:19:22,229
What kind of ice cream?
463
00:19:23,398 --> 00:19:25,315
Seriously, let me go.
464
00:19:25,317 --> 00:19:29,317
== sync, corrected by elderman ==