00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:12,340 Hello, I'm Charlie's brother, Alan. 2 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:14,740 I wanna thank you all for coming. 3 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,644 I know this is a very sad day for all of us. 4 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,045 Speak for yourself. 5 00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:28,193 Okay, I understand that some of you have "mixed feelings"... 6 00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:33,623 ...but I think we can all agree that Charlie lived life to its fullest... 7 00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,824 ...and gave it everything he had. 8 00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:37,434 He gave me herpes. 9 00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,103 Chlamydia. 10 00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:42,773 Vaginal warts. 11 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:47,944 Excuse me, this is my dead son we're talking about. 12 00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:51,109 I loved him and I'm devastated that he's gone. 13 00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:54,844 Leaving me with nothing but my memories, and my regrets... 14 00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:58,182 ...and the listing for his beautiful beach front Malibu getaway... 15 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,689 ...with three bedrooms, three and a half baths... 16 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,352 ...and a beautiful, panoramic ocean view. 17 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:07,498 Help yourselves to brochures out by the coffee urn. 18 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,826 Thank you, Mom. Anyway-- 19 00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:14,734 Open house is Sunday, 1 to 5. 20 00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:22,837 Okay, I'd like to take a moment to talk about my brother... 21 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:25,210 ...and his incredible love for life. 22 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,852 He also loved being spanked. 23 00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:29,919 While wearing my panties. 24 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:34,684 He used my panties to make tea. 25 00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:43,267 My point is that Charlie lived life on his own terms... 26 00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,994 ...and never apologized for who he was. 27 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:49,573 Yeah, blah, blah, blah, why can't we see the body? 28 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:54,002 Yeah, I didn't come all this way to spit on a closed coffin. 29 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,937 Okay. I understand how you feel. 30 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:59,379 But, unfortunately, due to the circumstances of his passing... 31 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:03,181 ...the remains aren't exactly spittable. 32 00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:05,648 I have a question. 33 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:11,195 Okay, I wasn't planning on doing a Q&A, but go ahead. 34 00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:12,523 Thank you. 35 00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:17,192 Charlie owes me $38,000 for some, let's say, pharmaceuticals. 36 00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:20,938 Who do I talk to about that? 37 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,039 That's something you'll have to discuss with the lawyers. 38 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:28,737 Yeah, I'd rather not involve the law. Heh. 39 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,785 And now, I thought we'd take this moment... 40 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,183 ...to hear from the person who was with Charlie at the end. 41 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,900 Thank you, Alan. 44 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:56,632 Selfish pig. Ahem. 45 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,913 Sure, our relationship had its ups and downs... 46 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,083 ...and the occasional restraining order. 47 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:08,243 But at the end, we ran away together to Paris... 48 00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,581 ...where he asked me to marry him. 49 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:16,228 I said, "yes," and the next few days were the happiest of my life. 50 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:18,021 Nothing could spoil it. 51 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,425 Not even when I came home from shopping... 52 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:23,830 ...and found him taking a shower with another woman. 53 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,734 -That's Charlie. -That's Charlie. Yeah. 54 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:34,039 But I forgave him because I loved him unconditionally. 55 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,647 So you can imagine my horror when the very next day... 56 00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:42,253 ...he slipped on the Metro platform and fell in front of an oncoming train. 57 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,857 Never cross a crazy woman. 58 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:50,055 I just want you all to know that Charlie didn't suffer. 59 00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:54,289 His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat. 60 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:57,663 Thank you. 61 00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:05,667 I'm hungry. Anyone else hungry? 62 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,992 Charlie was the best boss I ever had. 63 00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:25,220 I needed a day off. "Sure, Berta, no problem." 64 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:29,765 I needed a couple extra bucks. "Sure, Berta, no problem." 65 00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:32,938 All he ever asked in return was clean sheets... 66 00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:37,200 ...and hosing the vomit off the occasional drug-addled hooker. 67 00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:42,405 What a beautiful story. 68 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,475 Can you keep the house clean till I sell it? 69 00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,619 Can I count on you to keep paying me? 70 00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:51,255 There's virtually no money in Charlie's estate... 71 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,584 ...but I'd pay you once the house sells. 72 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,522 Then that's when I'll clean it. 73 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,593 I still don't see why we have to sell. 74 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,028 He left it to me, he wanted me to have it. 75 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,132 -Can you make mortgage payments? -No. 76 00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:06,999 -Can you pay the property tax? -Not per se. 77 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,105 But I was kind of hoping you'd help out. 78 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,869 I mean, after all, your grandson lives here part-time. 79 00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:13,935 [FARTS] 80 00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,516 Good job raising him. 81 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,309 Darling, I can't afford... 82 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:24,388 ...to maintain my house and your house at the same time. 83 00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,023 But you're my mommy. 84 00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:29,460 Good job raising him. 85 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,822 Once I sell this place, you can come live with me. 86 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:37,196 But why would I have to? Won't I get a lot of money from the sale? 87 00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:40,395 Oh, please. Charlie had three mortgages on this place. 88 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,837 Once we deduct closing costs and escrow fees and my commission... 89 00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:47,206 -...you'll be lucky to break even. -Planning to take a commission? 90 00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,779 She doesn't work for free. Why should I? 91 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:57,054 Don't think those silent ones are fooling anybody. 92 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,417 [DOORBELL RINGS] 93 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,663 -Hi, I'm here for the open house. -Come right in. 94 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,024 Thank you. 95 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,792 Three bedrooms, three and a half baths. 96 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,526 Sixty feet of prime Malibu ocean front. 97 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:15,196 Wait a minute. I know this place. This is Charlie Harper's place, right? 98 00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:17,342 -It was. -Then I can't buy it. 99 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,943 Uh-- What? Why? 100 00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,237 Bad memories. 101 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:25,178 Charlie and I had this drunken threesome with a crazy chick on this couch. 102 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,750 Sounds like a good memory. 103 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:30,855 Yeah, unfortunately, she passed out, and Charlie and I kept going without her. 104 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,052 Bad memory. 105 00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:38,021 Oh, the feng shui is great. 106 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,859 I mean, the place just oozes positive energy. 107 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,764 It's not practical. 108 00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,701 The commute downtown would kill me. 109 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,467 Don't worry, sweetie. Just let the universe provide. 110 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,837 The universe doesn't provide. I provide. 111 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,706 I bust my ass 80 hours a week. 112 00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:58,741 Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody needs to meditate. 113 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:02,148 Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody needs to file for divorce. 114 00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:04,479 Really? You wanna play that card? 115 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,249 I will take you and your uptight, bourgeois family... 116 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,758 ...for every penny you've got. 117 00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:11,623 Bye-bye. 118 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,291 Bye-bye. Keeh! 119 00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,933 What a fun couple. 120 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,140 [DOORBELL RINGS] 121 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:26,608 Sorry, the open house is over. 122 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,309 I got a package for Alan Harper. 123 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,483 -Oh, that's me. -Sign here. 124 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,384 Oh, how exciting. Heh. 125 00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,412 I wonder what it is. 126 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:41,252 It's from a crematorium, so that kind of narrows it down. 127 00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:44,455 That's my brother. 128 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,189 Berta, Charlie's here. 129 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,393 -Thank you. -Enjoy. 130 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,225 Well... 131 00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,938 ... here we are, buddy. 132 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,873 Just like old times, huh? 133 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:33,305 I'm talking and you're in a bottle, ignoring me. 134 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:42,844 I wanted to tell you that I loved you... 135 00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:45,819 ...and I will miss you... 136 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:51,896 ...and I will always be grateful for you taking Jake and me in... 137 00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,726 ...letting us live here all these years. 138 00:08:57,069 --> 00:09:00,561 So now the question is... 139 00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:03,274 ...what do we do with you? 140 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,346 I know what you said you wanted... 141 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,745 ...but I don't think Pamela Anderson will agree to swallow your ashes. 142 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,379 I mean, I could take you with me to live at Mom's... 143 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,753 ...but that's how horror movies start. 144 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:28,628 Hey, maybe I could sprinkle you on the beach. 145 00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,029 I mean, it's simple, it's dignified... 146 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:35,139 ...and pretty girls covered with oil will be sitting on you all day. 147 00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:38,872 Kind of like your life. 148 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:43,014 Except for the dignified part. 149 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,045 All right. 150 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,114 Well... 151 00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:54,683 [SIGHS] 152 00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,727 ...I guess now is as good a time as any. 153 00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,559 [ALAN SCREAMS] 154 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,668 I ain't cleaning him up. 155 00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,519 Can I use your phone? 156 00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,853 Sure, I guess. 157 00:10:25,491 --> 00:10:26,549 Are you okay? 158 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:30,752 Yeah, I'm fine. I was just trying to drown myself. 159 00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:33,857 -You tried to commit suicide? -Yeah. 160 00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:36,557 But I had no idea that the water would be that cold. 161 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:41,238 I could've worn a wetsuit, but who tries to commit suicide... 162 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,737 ...in a wetsuit, right? 163 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,139 -That phone right there? -Yeah, yeah. 164 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,005 Thank you. 165 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:50,744 -Oh, you got a towel? -Oh, sure. 166 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:52,577 Thanks. 167 00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:59,747 Hi, it's me. 168 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:03,286 I want you to know I just flung myself in the ocean... 169 00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:05,394 ...because I can't live without you. 170 00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:10,291 No, I'm not calling you from the ocean. 171 00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:13,469 Because it was cold. 172 00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,601 I don't-- I'm in some guy's house. 173 00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:19,835 -Alan Harper. -I am in Alan Harper's house. 174 00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:23,274 How about it? Will you take me back? 175 00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:25,347 Are you sure? 176 00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,751 You heard what I said about the ocean, right? 177 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,747 Okay, fine. I'll stop bothering you. 178 00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:36,155 But I want you to know that I will love you forever and ever. 179 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,758 Really? That bothers you? 180 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,700 Okay, bye. 181 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,433 You got a wetsuit? 182 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:51,071 Come on. It can't be that bad. 183 00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,869 It could be, you don't know. 184 00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:55,804 No. No. I do. 185 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,983 Come on. Come on. Sit down. Sit down. 186 00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:02,382 Listen, I have been where you are. 187 00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,816 Rejected, friendless, broke. 188 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,686 I'm not broke. I'm worth, like, a billion dollars. 189 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,722 Beg pardon? 190 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,298 One point three is what her lawyer says. 191 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:16,730 But I would give up every penny if she would take me back. 192 00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:19,502 No, no, no, you don't wanna do that. 193 00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:23,833 I think you can find a lot of girls for way less money. 194 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:26,511 I don't want other girls. I want Bridget. 195 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:28,179 Right, right. 196 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:33,408 Just to clarify, did you say billion with a "buh"? 197 00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:38,122 Listen, trust me, money does not buy happiness. 198 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,656 I wouldn't know, I've never had either. 199 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,490 Come on, you're doing all right. 200 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,664 You're living in a beach house in Malibu. 201 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:49,494 I have to sell it. And it's not even mine, it's his. 202 00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,638 -Who his? -That's my dead brother. 203 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:55,933 Oh. 204 00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,701 I'm sorry I made you spill him. 205 00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:02,043 That's okay. That's okay. I'll DustBust him later. 206 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:06,451 You know what? I'll get out of your way. Thank you for letting me use your phone. 207 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,243 Hang on. You sure you're okay? 208 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,922 Yeah, I'm just gonna go back to my hotel room... 209 00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:14,058 ...and update my Facebook status to "not dead yet." 210 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:18,191 Wait. I just went to one funeral, I don't wanna be involved in another one. 211 00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:22,159 Why don't you and I go out and have a drink and talk. 212 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,194 About what? 213 00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:27,600 Oh, I don't know, the weather, politics... 214 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,675 ...why somebody would wanna kill themself when they have a billion freaking dollars. 215 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:36,239 Come on, we'll put your clothes in the dryer. 216 00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,409 All right. 217 00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:41,685 Oh, by the way... 218 00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:45,112 ...I'm Walden. Walden Schmidt. 219 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,485 Well, it's nice to meet you, Walden Schmidt. 220 00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:51,992 Oh. I suppose there's no reason you can't undress right here in the living room. 221 00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:53,994 Oh, skivvies coming off too. Okay. 222 00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,064 Okay, well, no body issues. 223 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:57,462 Lucky you. That's-- 224 00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:59,194 [ALAN CHUCKLES] 225 00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:03,000 -You're a good guy, Alan Harper. -Oh, and he's a hugger as well. 226 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,234 Okey-dokey. I'll be right back. 227 00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:14,075 One point three billion dollars, and he's hung like an elephant. 228 00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:20,447 I will have an appletini and.... 229 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,121 Oh, ginger ale, please. 230 00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:24,819 Really? 231 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,758 Fresh off a suicide attempt and ordering ginger ale? 232 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,297 Yeah. I don't like the taste of alcohol. 233 00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:34,263 Nobody likes the taste of alcohol. We like the effects of alcohol. 234 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:37,442 How it makes you feel tall, good-looking and smart. 235 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,508 I am tall, good-looking and smart. 236 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,610 Give him an appletini. 237 00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,312 So just out of curiosity... 238 00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:52,285 ...how does someone get to be worth so much money? 239 00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:54,482 Well, it's pretty simple, really. 240 00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:57,685 -You ever hear of Blungogo.com? -No. 241 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:02,994 And you never will, because Microsoft bought it from me for $1.3 billion... 242 00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:07,070 ...and then they bundled it with their iPod killer, the Zune. 243 00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:12,269 Really? I don't think it came with my Zune. 244 00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:14,376 You bought a Zune? 245 00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,175 I had a coupon. 246 00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:20,151 -Cheers. -Cheers. 247 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,282 Oh, gah. 248 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:29,085 So don't take this the wrong way... 249 00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:32,695 ...but I can't get the image of your penis out of my mind. 250 00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,560 Thank you, that's very sweet. 251 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,843 You don't understand. 252 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,069 Bridget was my high school sweetheart. 253 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,580 She was the love of my life. 254 00:15:49,815 --> 00:15:50,941 Why did she leave you? 255 00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:53,515 -She catch you with another woman? -No. 256 00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:55,914 -Sex no good? -No, it was great. 257 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,954 You sure? Because sometimes they'll tell you it was good... 258 00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:02,251 ...and then you find out later they hated the very touch of you. 259 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,757 Happened to a guy I know. 260 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:12,434 Well, she said that I was emotionally immature. 261 00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:17,134 You mean like threatening suicide unless she takes you back? 262 00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:19,741 That is not immature, that's romantic. 263 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,775 Shut up. 264 00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,409 Regardless, I know what you're going through. 265 00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:29,212 I married my college sweetheart, and when she divorced me I was devastated. 266 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:33,152 -Why did she leave you? -Not a clue. She's a crazy bitch. 267 00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:39,063 The point is, when life serves you ball-breakers who rip your heart out... 268 00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,129 ...you have to make... 269 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,665 ... ball-breaker-ade. 270 00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:47,602 Bridget never broke my balls. 271 00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:51,936 If anything, she treated them with tenderness and respect. 272 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:56,781 Okay, okay. Just for tonight, will you forget about Bridget... 273 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:59,109 ...and just try to meet somebody new? 274 00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:01,878 -Like who? -I don't know. 275 00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:05,449 How about her? 276 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,458 Really? 277 00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:08,751 What would I say? 278 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:13,829 Well, I would not lead with the testicle anecdote. 279 00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:17,302 Just say hi. 280 00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:19,095 Okay. 281 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,997 Hi. 282 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,498 Hi. 283 00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:25,343 -I'm Walden. -Kelly. 284 00:17:32,851 --> 00:17:34,978 So, Kelly... 285 00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:45,696 ...my wife dumped me and I wanna die. 286 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:50,463 Oh, you poor baby. 287 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:54,939 I love her so much. 288 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:57,802 [SOBBING] 289 00:17:57,976 --> 00:17:59,000 Whoo! 290 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:05,549 I don't know if I can ever love anyone the way that I love her. 291 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,986 That's the most beautiful thing that I've ever heard. 292 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,523 It'll be okay. 293 00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:30,035 Oh, God, I miss my wife. 294 00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:35,076 Here is where I live. 295 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,113 Oh, nice. 296 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,841 Just me and my broken heart. 297 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:45,079 Alan, I think I should go back to my hotel. 298 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:48,088 Are you nuts? We're doing great. 299 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,421 This crap about loving our exes is gold. 300 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,530 My brother would be so proud. 301 00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:55,700 The dude in the DustBuster? 302 00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:58,361 Yeah. Uh-- 303 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,562 Ladies, who's up for a libation? 304 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:01,898 -A what? -Huh? 305 00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:03,939 A drink. Alcohol. 306 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,508 -Sure. -Great. 307 00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,942 Be right back. 308 00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:18,245 -What's upstairs? -I don't know. Probably a bedroom. 309 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,649 Why don't we go find out? 310 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,253 Oh.... Okay. 311 00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:26,397 Shouldn't we tell Alan where we're going? 312 00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,065 WOMEN: No. 313 00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,463 Who's ready for margaritas? 314 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:36,374 WALDEN: Whoa, one at a time, ladies. One at a time. 315 00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:38,100 [WOMEN LAUGHING] 316 00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:43,071 Well, this is depressingly familiar. 317 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,846 Shut up. 318 00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:54,986 Morning. 319 00:19:57,996 --> 00:19:59,691 Oh, good golly. 320 00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:02,628 Oh. I'm Walden. 321 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,859 I'm impressed. Ha-ha. 322 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,166 Oh, Alan. 323 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:15,472 Guess what? I had sex with two girls last night. 324 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:19,708 Great. I masturbated and cried myself to sleep. 325 00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:22,218 I like my night better. 326 00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,817 Oh, hey, I dig your house, so I'm gonna buy it, okay? 327 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,957 -Oh, okay. Thanks. -You're the best. 328 00:20:31,129 --> 00:20:32,994 Oh-- Ugh. 329 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,357 Whoa. 330 00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:43,602 This is Walden. 331 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,338 He's gonna buy the house. 332 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,910 Welcome to my humble abode. 333 00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,854 I like him. 334 00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,756 [English - US - SDH]