00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:08,040 Hey lyndsey, just calling to say good night. 2 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,376 Oh, oh, you're in bed already? 3 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:14,747 So, uh, what are you wearing? 4 00:00:14,749 --> 00:00:15,948 Really? 5 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,349 What kind of sweat pants? 6 00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:22,621 Ooh, big, old gray ones. 7 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:26,258 Is it just me or are you getting turned on, too? 8 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:29,328 It's...J-j-just me? 9 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,262 Well, that's fine. 10 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,965 I do some of my best work alone. 11 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:35,200 All right, all right, go to sleep. 12 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,235 I love you. 13 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,369 Do you love...? 14 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,639 I know she does. 15 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:45,911 Oh, great. 16 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:46,812 (sighs) 17 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,350 (screams) 18 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,421 Uh-oh, uh... 19 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,523 (sighs) 20 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:00,793 Oh! 21 00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:03,095 Oh, no, no, no. 22 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,130 No, I can't burn down another house. 23 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:12,871 (shrieking) 24 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:38,274 Andy! Right here, I'm open! 25 00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:41,243 - Whoo! - Dad, go long! 26 00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:46,240 - Yeah. - Again! 27 00:10:46,283 --> 00:10:48,911 - Well done, son! - Way to go, S.H. 28 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,044 Thanks, Kev. 29 00:10:54,658 --> 00:10:58,025 - I'm sick of neighborhood watch. - I'm bored. 30 00:10:58,061 --> 00:11:00,461 - Yeah, I'm bored, too. Let's go home. - Yeah. 31 00:11:00,497 --> 00:11:03,466 Hey, I wanna cut off some of my hair and see what you'd look like with a goatee. 32 00:11:04,301 --> 00:11:06,201 - Yeah. - No, no. No goatee. 33 00:11:06,236 --> 00:11:09,637 Neighborhood watch. I know what will make this more fun. 34 00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:14,076 - This does make it more fun. - Yeah. 35 00:11:14,111 --> 00:11:17,842 God, I like Tom wine. You know, I think his family has a vineyard. 36 00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:21,817 Hey, you guys. Tom's family doesn't have the vineyard. 37 00:11:21,852 --> 00:11:23,786 He is the vineyard. 38 00:11:26,590 --> 00:11:28,683 We're drinking his feet! 39 00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:31,792 Let's pour it out. 40 00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:35,427 - It is pretty good, though. - Alcohol is sterile. 41 00:11:36,066 --> 00:11:38,034 - To sweaty foot wine! - Chin-chin. 42 00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:39,262 I'm with you. 43 00:11:39,303 --> 00:11:42,238 - Hmm... - I wonder what else is going on. 44 00:11:42,506 --> 00:11:46,567 Check this out. I thought Rick and Steve were brothers. 45 00:11:46,610 --> 00:11:51,138 Chad Shultz just opened a beer during his intervention! 46 00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:53,775 Wow, the Goldsteins' fight got sexual in a hurry. 47 00:11:53,817 --> 00:11:57,514 I know, it's like, "You're worthless, I hate you, put a baby inside of me!" 48 00:11:57,554 --> 00:12:01,854 Neighborhood watch sucked, but Wine and Spy rocks. 49 00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:48,474 ♪ men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ ♪ ooh 50 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,410 ♪ men, men, men, men, manly men ♪ ♪ ooh ♪ ooh 51 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,512 ♪ ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪ 52 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,115 ♪ men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 53 00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:59,218 ♪ ooh ♪ men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 54 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,955 ♪ ah. ♪ men. ♪ men. 55 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:14,933 Morning. 56 00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,168 Hey. 57 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,270 Sorry again about last night. (awkward laugh) 58 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,571 Sorry about what? 59 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,673 The fact that my date and I came home 60 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,509 Last night to find a middle-aged man 61 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,911 Spraying water all over my kitchen 62 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,780 In his tighty not-so-whities? 63 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,517 I was putting out a fire. 64 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,585 I'm a hero. 65 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,887 Really? 66 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:36,588 'cause it looked like you were posing for 67 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,557 The world's most disturbing firemen calendar. 68 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:41,660 Okay, okay, I get it. 69 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,195 You're a little upset. 70 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:46,298 But I have something that will make you feel better. 71 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,033 ♪ ta-da. 72 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,035 I went out to the drugstore 73 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,271 And bought you a new toaster to replace the old one. 74 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:56,909 The other one was better. 75 00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,211 Better?! 76 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,446 This is the toastblaster deluxe. 77 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,483 This is the best thing to happen to sliced bread since... 78 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,185 Sliced bread. 79 00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,687 But mine had glass walls, 80 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,923 So you could watch the toast turn tropical brown. 81 00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,392 It was like a... Little... 82 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,861 Bread tanning booth. 83 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,298 Well, check this out, you know. 84 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,033 Light, dark. 85 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:22,668 Dark... 86 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,903 Light. 87 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,307 Okay, that's, uh... 88 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,675 That-that's supposed to happen. 89 00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,476 That's ac-- that's actually a safety feature. 90 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,378 You know, common courtesy dictates 91 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,380 That if you're gonna use my stuff 92 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,715 And break my stuff, 93 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,916 That you replace my stuff 94 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,185 With equally awesome stuff. 95 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,688 This-this-this is what would happen 96 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,224 If my toaster took a crap. 97 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,527 What are you talking about? 98 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,262 This is a perfectly good toaster. 99 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,598 Look, okay, you know what? I'll prove it to you. 100 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,970 Hope you're hungry. 101 00:03:57,972 --> 00:04:00,906 (loud buzzing) 102 00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:06,445 (loudly): Listen to that baby purr! 103 00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,381 (loudly): I hate you. 104 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,154 Berta: By the way, 105 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,155 In case I forget. 106 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,091 I might be a little late on Monday. 107 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,092 Oh, no problem. 108 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,393 When should I expect you? 109 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,296 Wednesday. 110 00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:26,865 Should I dock you for the time you miss? 111 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,700 I wouldn't. 112 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,971 (sighs) 113 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,213 Here you go. 114 00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,814 What's this? 115 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,783 I went to the store and I asked them, 116 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,518 "what is the stupidest thing I can buy?" 117 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,786 And they gave me this toaster. 118 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,954 Enjoy. 119 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,056 You know, you didn't have to do that. 120 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,958 Ah, you made it pretty clear that I did. 121 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,295 In fact, I forwent replacing my cell phone to buy this. 122 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,397 "forwent"? 123 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,033 It's a word. 124 00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,167 Well, I appreciate it. 125 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,602 Thank you. 126 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,171 Uh, and you don't have to worry about me ruining that one, 127 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,572 Because I will never use it. 128 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,141 Okay, stop being ridiculous. 129 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,208 (scoffing) 130 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,677 You want to know what's ridiculous? 131 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,178 A glass toaster. 132 00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:13,979 What's next? 133 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,047 A glass toilet, 134 00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:17,482 So you can wave good-bye to the toast? 135 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,689 How about a glass front door 136 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,490 So I can wave good-bye to you? 137 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,493 Oh, please! You would be lost without me. 138 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,763 I would be lost without you? Yeah. 139 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:35,967 Okay, the only thing that you've brought into my life 140 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,103 Is an oil-leaking volvo, 141 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,639 A musty smell in my guest room 142 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,574 And the word "forwent." 143 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,743 It is the past tense of "forgo." 144 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,111 Edify yourself, sir. 145 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,414 And have you noticed 146 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,550 That all the people in your life come and go, 147 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:52,884 But I am the one constant? 148 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:53,919 I am always here. 149 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,554 Maybe the reason they come and go 150 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,090 Is because you are always here. 151 00:05:58,092 --> 00:05:59,991 When a woman dumps you, who picks up the pieces? 152 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:00,992 Alan harper. 153 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,561 And who picks up the check? 154 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,662 Walden schmidt. 155 00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,063 (scoffs) of course, of course. 156 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,264 Pull out the money card. 157 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,866 They're called credit cards. 158 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,701 Edify yourself, sir. 159 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,169 Okay, if-if-if this is how you think, 160 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,004 Then I don't even know why I'm living here. 161 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,540 Oh, I do: Because it's free! 162 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,008 Okay, okay, maybe I should go. 163 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,009 Maybe you should. 164 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:18,844 Fine. Fine. 165 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,946 Okay. Okay. 166 00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,047 I am not bluffing. 167 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,181 Me neither. 168 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,384 This is me opening the door. 169 00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,252 This is me watching. 170 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,553 This is me leaving forever. 171 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,289 This is me waving good-bye. 172 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,129 And this is me homeless. 173 00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:39,030 ♪ men... ♪ 174 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,465 You know what the problem is? 175 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,567 Walden doesn't appreciate what I bring to the party. 176 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,203 I've never seen you bring anything to a party. 177 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,873 Except a ziplock bag to steal the shrimp. 178 00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,207 Whose side are you on? 179 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,742 Yours, of course. 180 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,511 Listen, I know you're upset, 181 00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,780 But I'm sure you two lovebirds will kiss and make up. 182 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,081 No, not happening. 183 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,150 He does not want me back, and I'm not going back. 184 00:06:58,152 --> 00:06:58,950 You're not? No. 185 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,685 I have my self-respect. 186 00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,288 I do. 187 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,123 So where are you gonna live? 188 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,125 (chuckling): Where am I going to live? You're cute. 189 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,527 (chuckling): Thanks. 190 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:09,628 So where are you gonna live? 191 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,129 Seriously? 192 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,198 Alan, I want to live with you. 193 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,366 But when you move in, 194 00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:15,767 I want it to be because I'm your first choice, 195 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,169 Not your last resort. 196 00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:19,571 You are my first choice. I'm your only choice. 197 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,207 My one and only choice. 198 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,176 Until walden asks you to move back. 199 00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:25,577 Oh, please! 200 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,846 I-I am offended that you could even suggest such a thing. 201 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,181 You are the woman I love; 202 00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:31,650 The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. 203 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,952 Aw... You're right, sweetie. 204 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,022 I'm sorry. You can move in. Oh, thank you. 205 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,458 It'll be nice to share the place with you. Yeah, it's gonna be great. 206 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,359 And we can split all the bills right down the middle. 207 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,461 Ah... 208 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:46,765 Oh, come on, you don't want my money. 209 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,567 You're an independent woman. 210 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,268 Walk proud. 211 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:54,473 Walk over to this door and let me back in. 212 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,007 Herb: Hey, alan. 213 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:59,945 Oh, god! Herb! 214 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:00,979 What-what are you doing? 215 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,113 Neighborhood watch. 216 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,248 Oh, that's nice. 217 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,316 I-I didn't even know there was one. 218 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,684 There isn't. 219 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,819 So, uh, you and lyndsey have a little tiff? 220 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:12,157 Oh, uh, not really a tiff, as much as, uh... 221 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,092 Hey, are you still rattling around 222 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,794 In that big old house all by yourself? 223 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,029 Yeah, I don't think judith's ever coming back. 224 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,831 That's terrific... 225 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,234 ...Ly sad. 226 00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:23,635 You know what? 227 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,837 At a time like this, you-you should not be alone. 228 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,106 Let's go over to your place and have a few beers. 229 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,875 You're a good friend, alan. 230 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,543 What can I say? I'm a giver. 231 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:34,779 Say, do you still have the hide-a-bed in the den? 232 00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,781 ♪ men... ♪ 233 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:41,486 All right, I packed up all zippy's stuff. 234 00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,321 It's sad. 235 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:47,626 His entire life fits into one duffel bag. 236 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:50,996 What's even sadder is it's my duffel bag. 237 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,398 He's coming back; you know that, right? 238 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,566 No, he's not. 239 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,601 He is a human boomerang. 240 00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,471 He's going to circle around, break a window, 241 00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:02,107 And land right on your couch. 242 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,643 (doorbell rings) 243 00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:12,951 Open a window in the kitchen, 244 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,653 Maybe he'll just go straight through. 245 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,391 Alan. 246 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,825 Walden. 247 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,194 Don't worry, I'm just here to pick up my things 248 00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,396 And then I'll be on my way. 249 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,331 Where you heading, zippy, back to mommy's? 250 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,099 Living with my mother-- 251 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,868 That's pretty pathetic, isn't it? 252 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,703 No, for your information, 253 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,271 I am living with my ex-wife's ex-husband 254 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,942 At my ex-house. 255 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,077 Yeah, that's not pathetic. 256 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,513 I packed your things for you. (clears throat) 257 00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:42,948 Oh. 258 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,916 I presume this is everything? 259 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,518 You presume correct. Hmm. 260 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,153 Your clothes, your toaster 261 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,488 And your expired mexican boner pills. 262 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:58,063 Is it lonely up there, walden? 263 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,301 Is it lonely on your cloud of judgment? 264 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,171 I don't know, maybe you could leave, so I could find out. 265 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,707 All right, then, good-bye. 266 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,444 Berta, are you crying? 267 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,746 (crying): I can't help it. 268 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,915 I'm just so damn happy. 269 00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:20,352 ♪ men... ♪ 270 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,555 ♪ men... ♪ 271 00:10:23,557 --> 00:10:25,590 Here you go. 272 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,727 Two eggs over easy, silver dollar pancakes, 273 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,931 Apple wood smoked bacon and whole grain toast. 274 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,367 (chuckling): This is delightful, alan. 275 00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:37,535 You really know how to spoil your man. 276 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,605 And you know how to flatter yours. 277 00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,742 Wow, it seems like just yesterday 278 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,377 I was living here with judith. 279 00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:46,544 Only difference now is, 280 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,713 I actually have a chance at getting laid. 281 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,416 Well, if dinner's as good as breakfast, 282 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,817 You've got more than a chance. 283 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,519 (laughing) 284 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,520 Seriously, I-I really appreciate 285 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,788 You letting me stay here. 286 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,657 Ah, well, it's nice to have someone around again. 287 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,792 It's been a little lonely since judith left. 288 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,794 I found it lonely even when judith was here. 289 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,397 Mm... Yeah, I've been watching tv alone 290 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,399 And drinking alone. 291 00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:09,200 I even painted a moustache on the bathroom mirror 292 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,502 So I'd have someone to talk to. 293 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,405 R... Really? 294 00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:16,007 Yeah. I call him javier. 295 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,476 (latin accent): Don't worry, herb, you're better off. 296 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,680 "yudith," she's a "beetch." 297 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:24,149 Can't argue with javier. 298 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,218 No, no, I wouldn't-- he's got a fiery latin temper. 299 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,487 And a machete. 300 00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:36,194 Um, l-let me ask you something. 301 00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,830 Does herb have a machete? 302 00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,037 (footsteps approaching) 303 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,238 Morning. 304 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,740 Morning. 305 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,409 Hey, berta, knock, knock. 306 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,477 Who's there? 307 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,511 Not alan. 308 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,180 (laughing) 309 00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,182 Free at last, walden. 310 00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,451 Thank god almighty, we're free at last. 311 00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:02,821 Yeah. Although it is a little quieter around here. 312 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,789 Get a dog-- then it won't seem so weird 313 00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,624 When you catch him trying to lick himself. 314 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,327 Hey, berta? Yeah? 315 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,396 What do you think about turning alan's room 316 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,797 Into a home gym? 317 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,266 Well, I was thinking about trying to grow pot in there, 318 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,634 But okay. 319 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,303 Hey, berta? 320 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,204 Yeah? 321 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,172 What's going on with you? 322 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,574 What do you mean? 323 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,375 I don't know. Like... 324 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,144 How's your family? 325 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,146 Incarcerated. (laughs) 326 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,348 That's funny. 327 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,050 Okay. Good talk. 328 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,052 Hey... Berta? 329 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,320 Yeah? 330 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,321 Knock, knock. 331 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,756 Who's there? 332 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,390 It's walden. Let me in. 333 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,429 What are your hopes? What are your dreams? 334 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,865 I'm just hoping to get out of this conversation. 335 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,199 (chuckles) 336 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,868 You're... You're on fire today. 337 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,169 Yeah. 338 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,504 Hey, berta? 339 00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:55,740 Oh, for the love of god, what? 340 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:56,841 I like your vest. 341 00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,944 Thanks. 342 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,647 Where'd you get it, like, the vest store or something? 343 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:06,718 Thank god I'm high. 344 00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,162 Easy, easy. 345 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,998 Sound the horn, let the townfolk know you're coming. 346 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,167 (train whistle blows) 347 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:26,104 The 9:04 from pemberton, now arriving on track one. 348 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,839 Right on time. 349 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,208 I-I had no idea this was so much fun. 350 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,209 I know. 351 00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,944 (gasps) look, alan... 352 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,446 The mcdougal boy's coming home from college. 353 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,683 What a reunion this will be. 354 00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,718 Welcome home, jimmy! 355 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,454 Wow, you've, uh, created your own little world here. 356 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,323 Oh, yeah, and this world's perfect. 357 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,392 Well... Almost perfect. 358 00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:49,527 Jimmy's brother bobby 359 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,996 Got a little too close to the tracks one night. 360 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,833 Him and his friends were playing chicken with a freight train. 361 00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,737 They found his letterman jacket three towns away. 362 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,573 Oh, no. Yeah. 363 00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,408 Engineer stan never got over it. 364 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,243 He stopped talking to helen. 365 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,612 He just sits in his room and paints. 366 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,451 Huh. That's, uh... That's disturbing. 367 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,154 On a couple of levels. 368 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:18,056 You know it's so nice having you. 369 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,459 I don't know why, but train enthusiasts tend to be loners. 370 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,062 Yeah. It's a mystery. 371 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,930 (phone rings) 372 00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:27,232 Hello? 373 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,767 Hey, herb. It's walden. 374 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,436 Oh. Hey, hold on a sec. 375 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,238 Uh, I got to take this; it's the office. 376 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,273 No problem. I was thinking of heading over to the bar car 377 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,342 To pick us up a couple of frosty brews. You want one? 378 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,843 Oh, make mine a root beer. 379 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,478 This town's seen enough tragedy. 380 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:44,949 (door closes) 381 00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,017 Hey, what's up? 382 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,318 Is alan there? 383 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,587 Uh, actually, no, I haven't seen him all day. 384 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,155 I was really hoping to talk to him. 385 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,858 You can't talk to a person that's not here. 386 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,227 Unless you draw a mustache on the mirror. 387 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,762 What? 388 00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,264 Is there a message I can give him? 389 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,165 Yeah, just tell him I think I overreacted, 390 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,834 And have him give me a call. 391 00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:05,203 Done and done. Bye-bye. 392 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,238 Everything okay at the office? 393 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,540 Uh, actually, it, uh, it wasn't work. 394 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:10,508 No? 395 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,609 It was the, uh, 396 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:12,810 President of the railroad. 397 00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,646 He asked me to give you this. 398 00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,882 Congratulations, conductor alan! 399 00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:19,284 Oh, my god! Thank you! 400 00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,551 Now, let's get that coal car unloaded 401 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,520 And head over to the diner. 402 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,555 Take a look at the new waitress. Ooh! 403 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:25,590 Word around town is, 404 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,392 (whispers): She goes all the way. 405 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,702 (computer beeping) 406 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,070 Hey, jake! 407 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,138 Walden. 408 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,640 How are you? What's going on, buddy? 409 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,410 Not much. Is my dad there? 410 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:48,112 No. He actually moved out. 411 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,748 (laughing): Good one! 412 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:51,916 No, I'm-I'm serious. 413 00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:54,285 We got in a fight, and he left. 414 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,221 My dad left that house? 415 00:15:57,223 --> 00:16:00,558 Yeah. We got in a fight, 'cause he bought a cheap toaster. 416 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,960 W-wait, wait. 417 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:05,296 And he bought something? 418 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:09,067 Yeah. And I didn't show any appreciation for it. 419 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,903 He bought something with his own money? 420 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:14,539 I know. I shouldn't have screamed at him. 421 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,575 I-I should have thrown him a parade. 422 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:21,045 Wait a second, am I being punk'd? 423 00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,315 Hey, you know, I got an idea. 424 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,884 Um, you know, just 'cause your dad doesn't live here anymore 425 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:29,721 Doesn't mean that you couldn't come stay for a couple of days. 426 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,089 And do what? 427 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,758 I don't know, like hang out, do guy stuff. 428 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,327 We could go to a bar and get drunk. 429 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,830 Mm, I'm only 19; I can't drink. 430 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,165 Well, fine, we could just get high. 431 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:44,902 Dude, just call my dad and tell him you want him to come back. 432 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,904 What if he says no? 433 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,706 (snickers, laughs) 434 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,909 Oh, you're serious. 435 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,978 He's not gonna say no. 436 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,080 Where has he even been living? 437 00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,583 He moved into you guys's old house with herb. 438 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,918 Wow. If there was a freeloaders hall of fame, 439 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,920 My dad would be living in it. 440 00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:06,824 For free. 441 00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:10,695 (doorbell rings) 442 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,603 Hi, herb. 443 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,972 Walden. What are you doing here? 444 00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,206 I came to talk to alan. 445 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,674 Oh. Sorry, he's not home. 446 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,376 I'll tell him you stopped by. Alan: Who's at the door? 447 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,045 Nobody! Go back in the train room! 448 00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:29,213 Alan? 449 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,982 Walden? 450 00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:32,984 What's, uh, what's going on? 451 00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:34,619 I wanted to say that I'm sorry. 452 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,220 Really? Yes. 453 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,422 Super. Hatchet buried. 454 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:38,523 We'll have you over for thanksgiving. 455 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,458 Hold on. 456 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:44,495 I never meant to make you feel unwelcome in my home. 457 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:47,331 Well, alan has a new place now. 458 00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,400 A place where he's appreciated. 459 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,335 A place where he feels safe. 460 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,106 A place where he can cry himself to sleep at night 461 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,942 Without the fear of being mocked. 462 00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,777 Y-you heard that? 463 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,612 There's still a baby monitor in there. 464 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,582 So you also heard... 465 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,884 Let it go, alan. 466 00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:10,421 I appreciate you, too. 467 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,924 Th-that's why I've been leaving messages with herb for days. 468 00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,158 What?! 469 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,393 You haven't gotten them? 470 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,264 Herb... I'm sorry. 471 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,966 I just wanted a friend. 472 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,836 You know, one who wasn't trapped in a mirror. 473 00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,306 Oh, herb. 474 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:29,640 I brought you something. 475 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,275 You did? 476 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,278 You don't happen to have a toaster, do you? 477 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,847 I have a toaster. 478 00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:39,050 I also have a... A guest room with a king-size bed 479 00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,385 And a new 42-inch flat-screen tv. 480 00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:42,453 There's no tv in there. 481 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,055 There could be. 482 00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:46,724 Really? 483 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,659 Your turn. 484 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,962 I'm not gonna try to buy you. 485 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,231 I mean, you're either my friend or you're not. 486 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,967 I have no such qualms-- I'll throw in a blu-ray player. 487 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,469 Wow. Okay, all right, I'm out of here. 488 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,104 No, no, wait, wait, wait. 489 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,840 (sighs) herb... 490 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:06,244 I-I can't thank you enough for taking me in, 491 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,845 But... 492 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,480 As you can see... 493 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,315 Walden needs me. 494 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,618 I wouldn't go that far. Shh... 495 00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:17,588 Let me, uh, let me get my things. 496 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:21,759 (sighs) 497 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,495 What is it about that little guy? 498 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,398 What is it about us that we're fighting over him? 499 00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:36,307 (funky, sultry music playing on tv) 500 00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:39,510 Ooh. 501 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,245 What do we have here? 502 00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:45,383 Uh-oh, she's being called into the boss's office. 503 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,853 Looks like somebody blew the johnson account. 504 00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:05,369 Walden: Really, alan? 505 00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:09,874 Oh, hey, hey! I, uh, I thought you were still sleeping. 506 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:13,578 It's 8:00 in the morning! 507 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,214 So? 508 00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,459 Hey, herb. It's walden. 509 00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,662 How would you feel about shared custody?