00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:19,904 --> 00:00:21,204 Are you happy? 2 00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:24,007 I was before you ate that last garlic knot. 3 00:00:24,009 --> 00:00:26,143 Oh, I'm serious. I mean, don't you think 4 00:00:26,145 --> 00:00:27,911 our relationship has become a little bit predictable? 5 00:00:27,913 --> 00:00:30,213 Predictable? Yes. 6 00:00:30,215 --> 00:00:32,849 - Why do you ask? - Well, I was thinking 7 00:00:32,851 --> 00:00:35,085 that maybe we could spice things up a little. 8 00:00:35,087 --> 00:00:37,521 What'd you have in mind? 9 00:00:37,523 --> 00:00:39,523 Well, um... 10 00:00:39,525 --> 00:00:42,594 I have been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. 11 00:00:42,596 --> 00:00:44,062 Oh. 12 00:00:44,064 --> 00:00:48,833 And I have some silk scarves and, uh, some duct tape. 13 00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:50,835 Do you see this taking place in a bedroom 14 00:00:50,837 --> 00:00:53,271 or the back of a panel van? 15 00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:55,106 I don't know. I'm only halfway through the book. 16 00:00:55,108 --> 00:00:57,042 Forget the book. 17 00:00:57,044 --> 00:00:59,778 What about you? Do you have any fantasies? 18 00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:01,112 Ugh, of course I do. 19 00:01:01,114 --> 00:01:03,815 If I lived only my regular life, I'd eat a rifle. 20 00:01:03,817 --> 00:01:05,583 Tell me one. 21 00:01:05,585 --> 00:01:08,153 Well, I... 22 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,389 guess I always wanted to... 23 00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:13,225 take some naughty pictures of you. 24 00:01:13,227 --> 00:01:15,227 We could do that. Really? 25 00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:18,230 Yeah, why not? There's already a lot available online. 26 00:01:21,101 --> 00:01:22,401 What else? 27 00:01:22,403 --> 00:01:24,203 Oh, well, I-I-I guess 28 00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:27,472 it's a-a cliché for a guy, but, um... 29 00:01:27,474 --> 00:01:30,743 I've always wanted to have a-a threesome. 30 00:01:30,745 --> 00:01:32,411 Okay. 31 00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:34,012 Now, I know it's silly. I know. 32 00:01:34,014 --> 00:01:36,114 No, I mean, okay, we can do it. 33 00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:39,084 If you are messing with me, 34 00:01:39,086 --> 00:01:41,987 there is no way I will ever forgive you! 35 00:01:41,989 --> 00:01:44,490 I'm not messing with you. 36 00:01:44,492 --> 00:01:46,192 Seriously, we can have a threesome? 37 00:01:46,194 --> 00:01:49,028 - Come on, you'd do the same for me. - Of course I would. 38 00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:51,297 Good, 'cause I have a fantasy of my own. 39 00:01:51,299 --> 00:01:53,399 Oh, hmm, lay it on me, baby. 40 00:01:53,401 --> 00:01:55,802 I want to have a threesome also. 41 00:01:55,804 --> 00:01:57,704 See? See? 42 00:01:57,706 --> 00:02:00,807 This is why communication is so important in a relationship. 43 00:02:00,809 --> 00:02:02,209 I mean, two minutes ago 44 00:02:02,211 --> 00:02:04,077 I didn't care if you lived or died. 45 00:02:04,079 --> 00:02:09,382 Now I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman. 46 00:02:09,384 --> 00:02:10,683 You complete me, 47 00:02:10,685 --> 00:02:13,185 but add another chick and I'll complete myself. 48 00:02:13,187 --> 00:02:14,954 Great! 49 00:02:14,956 --> 00:02:16,356 So what's your pleasure, treasure? 50 00:02:16,358 --> 00:02:17,390 Blonde? Brunette? 51 00:02:17,392 --> 00:02:19,359 Someone with a little junk in the trunk? 52 00:02:19,361 --> 00:02:20,526 No, no. 53 00:02:20,528 --> 00:02:22,762 - In my threesome, there's you, me, - Mm-hmm? 54 00:02:22,764 --> 00:02:24,597 and another guy. 55 00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:35,208 An-Another guy? 56 00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,209 Yep. 57 00:02:36,211 --> 00:02:39,112 Boy, I don't know. 58 00:02:39,114 --> 00:02:40,981 Uh... 59 00:02:40,983 --> 00:02:44,986 I mean, I-I never thought about it, you know, that-that way. 60 00:02:44,988 --> 00:02:48,389 Four balls, two bats and one mitt. Uh... 61 00:02:48,391 --> 00:02:50,658 Could be fun. 62 00:02:50,660 --> 00:02:54,094 Yeah, yeah, but, uh, who would the other guy even be? 63 00:02:54,096 --> 00:02:56,664 Hey. 64 00:03:00,135 --> 00:03:02,970 Oh, crap. 65 00:03:02,972 --> 00:03:05,806 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 66 00:03:05,808 --> 00:03:09,043 ♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 67 00:03:09,045 --> 00:03:12,213 ♪ Men, men, men, manly men ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 68 00:03:12,215 --> 00:03:14,349 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪ 69 00:03:14,351 --> 00:03:16,852 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 70 00:03:16,854 --> 00:03:19,888 ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 71 00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:23,852 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 72 00:03:23,952 --> 00:03:27,952 ♪ Two and a Half Men 10x03 ♪ Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt Original Air Date on October 11, 2012 73 00:03:27,953 --> 00:03:28,982 Original sync by elderman WEB-DL sync by JayDox www.MY-SUBS.com 74 00:03:29,795 --> 00:03:31,599 ♪ Men. ♪ 75 00:03:31,826 --> 00:03:34,459 So, you want to have a threesome with me and Walden? 76 00:03:34,461 --> 00:03:36,829 You have your fantasy; I have mine. 77 00:03:36,831 --> 00:03:39,966 Yeah, but mine's a traditional, wholesome three-way. 78 00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:44,104 You, me and an anonymous drunken slut, the way God intended. 79 00:03:45,506 --> 00:03:48,574 Walden is a friend. Plus, we see him all the time. 80 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,610 So? So it'll be awkward. 81 00:03:50,612 --> 00:03:51,689 Not for me. 82 00:03:51,714 --> 00:03:53,614 I-I just don't think it's a good time. 83 00:03:53,615 --> 00:03:55,515 I mean, he just broke up with Zoey, 84 00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:57,250 and he's feeling very vulnerable right now. 85 00:03:57,252 --> 00:03:58,585 I think this would help. 86 00:03:58,587 --> 00:04:00,453 You know, he needs to get back on the horse, 87 00:04:00,455 --> 00:04:02,889 and in this case, neigh! 88 00:04:04,425 --> 00:04:06,092 Do we have a deal? 89 00:04:07,928 --> 00:04:10,730 All right, after we have mine, we will approach Walden... 90 00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:13,099 - No, no, no, no. I go first. - Why? 91 00:04:13,101 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaking from experience, 92 00:04:14,202 --> 00:04:16,568 once you get yours, I'll never get mine. 93 00:04:19,039 --> 00:04:22,375 I am offended... 94 00:04:22,377 --> 00:04:26,278 that you would insinuate that I would break a sacred trust. 95 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:29,481 I love you, Lyndsey, and if you can't believe in me, 96 00:04:29,483 --> 00:04:31,984 then-then we have bigger problems in our relationship 97 00:04:31,986 --> 00:04:34,787 than whose dirty, nasty hump-fest we have first. 98 00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:37,022 Take it or leave it. 99 00:04:39,327 --> 00:04:41,560 Take it. 100 00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:45,130 Oh, I plan to. 101 00:04:45,132 --> 00:04:48,167 ♪ Men. ♪ 102 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,593 Gorgeous day, isn't it? 103 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:59,029 Wonder what the poor people are doing. 104 00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:02,532 One of them is asking me what the poor people are doing. 105 00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:05,902 Rich, good-looking, and funny. 106 00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:08,707 God certainly gave with three hands. 107 00:05:08,715 --> 00:05:12,030 Hey, speaking of three hands, um... 108 00:05:12,032 --> 00:05:14,633 there's, uh, something I-I need to ask you. 109 00:05:14,635 --> 00:05:16,102 Sure. 110 00:05:16,104 --> 00:05:19,272 Oh, boy, where do I start? Uh... 111 00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:20,974 Okay, here's the deal. Um, 112 00:05:20,976 --> 00:05:24,344 things with Lyndsey and me have gotten a little stale, uh, 113 00:05:24,346 --> 00:05:26,879 sexually speaking. Everything is by the numbers. 114 00:05:26,881 --> 00:05:30,049 I get it. You're skipping right from 68 to 70. 115 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,032 Exactly, exactly. 116 00:05:32,034 --> 00:05:35,502 Um, anyhoo, uh... 117 00:05:35,504 --> 00:05:36,970 we've come up with a solution. 118 00:05:36,972 --> 00:05:38,405 What's that? 119 00:05:38,407 --> 00:05:42,777 We're going to have a, uh, a threesome. 120 00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:44,012 Really? 121 00:05:45,147 --> 00:05:47,815 - What? She agreed to that? - Yep. 122 00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:49,450 Dude, way to go! 123 00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,454 Yeah, yeah, it's great. 124 00:05:52,456 --> 00:05:54,456 Um, the thing is, um, 125 00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:58,460 Lyndsey wants to have a sausage fest before the clambake. 126 00:06:00,864 --> 00:06:01,863 That's clever. 127 00:06:01,865 --> 00:06:02,998 Yeah. 128 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,133 Yeah, she-she has this crazy idea 129 00:06:05,135 --> 00:06:07,069 that before I have my threesome, 130 00:06:07,071 --> 00:06:09,638 she wants to have one of her own. 131 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,173 Whoa, what, hold on, w... 132 00:06:11,175 --> 00:06:13,108 she wants to have a threesome without you? 133 00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:15,744 Oh, no, no, I'm gonna be there, uh, uh, but with... 134 00:06:15,746 --> 00:06:17,412 another guy. 135 00:06:17,414 --> 00:06:18,447 Huh. 136 00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:21,617 Yeah, and the-the really crazy part is... 137 00:06:22,785 --> 00:06:27,156 um, uh, that she wants the other guy, 138 00:06:27,158 --> 00:06:30,725 uh, to be, um, you. 139 00:06:34,097 --> 00:06:35,431 Okay. 140 00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:38,534 Yeah, now, I-I-I told her that there was no way... 141 00:06:38,536 --> 00:06:39,969 Oh, no, no, no, I'm in. 142 00:06:41,805 --> 00:06:43,706 Wh-What? What? You're in? 143 00:06:43,708 --> 00:06:45,542 Yeah, sure. It sounds like fun. 144 00:06:45,544 --> 00:06:47,644 You know, now that Zoey and I aren't together, 145 00:06:47,646 --> 00:06:50,581 I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be doing my own thing. 146 00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:52,683 And Lyndsey's own thing. 147 00:06:52,685 --> 00:06:56,154 Probably not your own thing. Well, a-are you sure? 148 00:06:56,156 --> 00:06:57,855 Why not? Time to shake things up, 149 00:06:57,857 --> 00:06:59,858 get out of my comfort zone, you know? 150 00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:02,360 Maybe slip into your comfort zone. 151 00:07:03,362 --> 00:07:04,429 Get it? 152 00:07:06,132 --> 00:07:07,700 I got it. 153 00:07:07,702 --> 00:07:10,703 Well, I guess... I guess I should let Lyndsey know. 154 00:07:10,705 --> 00:07:13,740 Um, she'll be thrilled. 155 00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:15,542 As am I. 156 00:07:15,544 --> 00:07:16,743 Yay. 157 00:07:16,745 --> 00:07:18,712 Hey, wait. Do y... 158 00:07:18,714 --> 00:07:20,213 you want to do this, right? 159 00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:21,614 Oh, oh, absolutely. Uh, you know, 160 00:07:21,616 --> 00:07:24,717 I'm-I'm very open-minded, uh, about sexual matters. 161 00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:27,487 After all, I-I did grow up during the sexual revolution. 162 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:30,289 Well, technically, a-a few years after, but there were still 163 00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:33,959 condoms and diaphragms layin' all over the place. 164 00:07:33,961 --> 00:07:36,095 Oh, and, uh, just a heads-up, 165 00:07:36,097 --> 00:07:39,131 um... exit only. 166 00:07:40,366 --> 00:07:42,901 Nope, not even a thumb. 167 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,460 ♪ Men. ♪ 168 00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:52,255 I am so happy you said yes. 169 00:07:52,256 --> 00:07:53,989 I am honored you asked. 170 00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:56,124 Aren't you adorable? 171 00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,692 Not as adorable as you. 172 00:07:59,363 --> 00:08:00,596 Yeah, yeah, we're all adorable. 173 00:08:00,598 --> 00:08:02,230 Um... 174 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,633 Let's... W-W-We need to establish some ground rules. 175 00:08:04,635 --> 00:08:06,134 Sure, like what? 176 00:08:06,136 --> 00:08:09,204 Uh, well, uh, for instance, uh, there are a few things 177 00:08:09,206 --> 00:08:12,708 that I happen to know Lyndsey is not exactly fond of doing. 178 00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,944 No, I'm good. 179 00:08:15,813 --> 00:08:17,880 R-Really? You're good? 180 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,316 With everything? 181 00:08:20,318 --> 00:08:22,952 Even the Philadelphia Dump Truck? 182 00:08:22,954 --> 00:08:25,121 Back it up. 183 00:08:25,123 --> 00:08:27,290 Beep, beep, beep, beep. 184 00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:31,328 Anything else? 185 00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:33,696 Uh, well, I guess this goes without saying, 186 00:08:33,698 --> 00:08:36,332 but, uh, you know, we're not making Band-Aids here, 187 00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:38,834 so Johnson should never meet Johnson, so... 188 00:08:38,836 --> 00:08:41,236 True. 189 00:08:41,238 --> 00:08:43,805 Two dongs don't make a right. 190 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,514 Oh, oh, and speaking of, um, 191 00:08:51,516 --> 00:08:55,351 if you have any desire to stick your tongue in my mouth, 192 00:08:55,353 --> 00:08:56,586 just stick your tongue 193 00:08:56,588 --> 00:08:57,621 in her mouth, 194 00:08:57,623 --> 00:08:58,889 and then she'll stick her tongue 195 00:08:58,891 --> 00:09:01,358 in my mouth, and we'll consider the circle complete. 196 00:09:03,728 --> 00:09:05,062 Fine. 197 00:09:05,064 --> 00:09:06,563 It's your loss. 198 00:09:08,466 --> 00:09:11,835 I would like to propose a toast. 199 00:09:11,837 --> 00:09:14,237 Oh! 200 00:09:14,239 --> 00:09:17,607 Friends may come and friends may go, 201 00:09:17,609 --> 00:09:21,178 friends may peter out, you know. 202 00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:24,181 But here's to us, through thick and thin, 203 00:09:24,183 --> 00:09:26,617 peter out and peter in. 204 00:09:29,888 --> 00:09:31,522 Hear, hear. 205 00:09:33,225 --> 00:09:34,725 Cheers. 206 00:09:34,727 --> 00:09:36,861 So, what do you say? 207 00:09:36,863 --> 00:09:39,029 Let's get these balls rollin'. 208 00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:44,911 ♪ Men. ♪ 209 00:10:08,846 --> 00:10:11,440 This is okay, what we're doing, right? 210 00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:13,548 W-We're all consenting adults. 211 00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:14,817 Oh. Oh, yeah, sure. 212 00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:16,385 Sure. 213 00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:19,722 I mean, you know, if one of us was mentally impaired, 214 00:10:19,724 --> 00:10:22,291 then the-the consent might be suspect. 215 00:10:23,894 --> 00:10:26,362 True. I mean, i-if you were required 216 00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,297 to wear a helmet or... 217 00:10:28,299 --> 00:10:31,700 have a service dog... 218 00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:34,670 that might be construed as taking advantage. 219 00:10:34,672 --> 00:10:36,372 Yeah, yeah, but everybody here 220 00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:38,040 knows what they're getting into, so... 221 00:10:38,042 --> 00:10:41,744 Yeah, no one's taking their pants off for a candy bar. 222 00:10:41,746 --> 00:10:44,179 Or absolution. 223 00:10:45,448 --> 00:10:48,483 Um, so, listen, uh, 224 00:10:48,485 --> 00:10:51,954 don't feel obligated to bring your "A" game today, okay? 225 00:10:51,956 --> 00:10:53,722 My "A" game? 226 00:10:53,724 --> 00:10:55,858 Yeah, I mean, what I'm saying is 227 00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:57,259 you're younger than I am; 228 00:10:57,261 --> 00:11:00,062 you're prettier than I am; there's more... 229 00:11:00,064 --> 00:11:02,865 of you than there is of me. 230 00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,001 What do you want me to do? 231 00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:07,069 Well, I'm just saying, 232 00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:08,303 we're playing on a public course here. 233 00:11:08,305 --> 00:11:09,804 Spot me a couple of strokes. 234 00:11:12,742 --> 00:11:14,443 You just be the maypole 235 00:11:14,445 --> 00:11:17,745 and let her run around with the ribbons. 236 00:11:17,747 --> 00:11:20,915 No, no, that is not my style. 237 00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:22,383 I'm very aggressive. 238 00:11:23,252 --> 00:11:24,585 I'm in it to win it. 239 00:11:26,122 --> 00:11:29,423 What do you think, boys? 240 00:11:29,425 --> 00:11:32,427 I am definitely gonna win it. 241 00:11:32,429 --> 00:11:35,496 Oh, yeah, well, we'll see about that. 242 00:11:35,498 --> 00:11:36,998 Uh, you do look beautiful, darling. 243 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,300 Yeah, thanks. 244 00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:40,769 Ooh. 245 00:11:45,441 --> 00:11:47,976 This is probably bad to say, 246 00:11:47,978 --> 00:11:50,612 but Zoey had an outfit like that 247 00:11:50,614 --> 00:11:51,680 she used to wear all the time. 248 00:11:51,682 --> 00:11:53,782 Well, not all the time. 249 00:11:53,784 --> 00:11:56,251 Just when we were having sex. 250 00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:58,286 Which was pretty much all the time. 251 00:11:58,288 --> 00:12:01,756 I'm sorry, sweetie. 252 00:12:01,758 --> 00:12:05,027 Oh, I guess we're starting, okay, uh, um... 253 00:12:13,236 --> 00:12:17,873 You know, I-I, um, I not only loved Zoey. 254 00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:19,608 I also loved her daughter. 255 00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:23,779 That is beautiful. 256 00:12:33,724 --> 00:12:35,725 I kinda thought we were gonna be family. 257 00:12:35,727 --> 00:12:38,394 We're your family now. 258 00:12:38,396 --> 00:12:41,364 I'm starting to feel a little like a very distant cousin. 259 00:12:46,037 --> 00:12:49,339 I miss her so much. 260 00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:54,611 I'd have given odds that I'd be the one crying. 261 00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,346 ♪ Men. ♪ 262 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,454 ♪ Men. ♪ 263 00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:02,289 Walden, you doing okay in there? 264 00:13:02,291 --> 00:13:05,592 I'm good. I just need a second. 265 00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,229 Maybe this just isn't meant to be. 266 00:13:09,231 --> 00:13:10,297 Why not? 267 00:13:10,299 --> 00:13:11,898 The man is clearly upset. 268 00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:14,668 Oh, boo-hoo. 269 00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:20,441 I'm really sorry. 270 00:13:20,443 --> 00:13:23,143 Hey, no need to apologize. In fact, 271 00:13:23,145 --> 00:13:25,979 if it would help, you can close your eyes and pretend I'm Zoey. 272 00:13:25,981 --> 00:13:27,047 Really? 273 00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:28,615 Of course. 274 00:13:28,617 --> 00:13:30,216 Um, should I pretend you're somebody else? 275 00:13:30,218 --> 00:13:32,218 Do whatever you want. 276 00:13:34,621 --> 00:13:35,788 That's a good idea. 277 00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:36,923 Let's-let's try that. 278 00:13:36,925 --> 00:13:39,491 Attaboy. Okay. 279 00:13:39,493 --> 00:13:41,459 Mmm. 280 00:13:45,631 --> 00:13:47,031 Oh, Zoey. 281 00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,399 Oh, Walden, 282 00:13:48,401 --> 00:13:52,703 give me a good shagging, won't you? 283 00:13:52,705 --> 00:13:55,338 I can't. 284 00:13:56,375 --> 00:13:57,841 I can't do this! 285 00:13:57,843 --> 00:14:01,278 "Give us a good shagging, won't you?" 286 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,847 What? That's a thing. 287 00:14:03,849 --> 00:14:05,415 Doesn't matter. 288 00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:07,684 Let's just make sure we don't get a crybaby for my threesome. 289 00:14:07,686 --> 00:14:09,085 Your threesome? 290 00:14:09,087 --> 00:14:10,320 We haven't even had mine yet. 291 00:14:10,322 --> 00:14:12,255 Uh, I beg to differ. 292 00:14:12,257 --> 00:14:13,856 I held up my part of the bargain. 293 00:14:13,858 --> 00:14:15,291 If I serve pie and nobody's hungry, 294 00:14:15,293 --> 00:14:16,592 it still counts as dessert. 295 00:14:20,865 --> 00:14:22,933 I suppose. 296 00:14:22,935 --> 00:14:24,168 Now what? 297 00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:26,670 Well, not that you care, but I did take a lethal dose 298 00:14:26,672 --> 00:14:28,539 of boner pills before we started. 299 00:14:29,908 --> 00:14:30,975 Is that so? 300 00:14:30,977 --> 00:14:32,978 I'm either going to have sex or a stroke. 301 00:14:35,014 --> 00:14:38,383 Your call. 302 00:14:39,752 --> 00:14:41,554 Come on. Let's go to your bedroom. 303 00:14:41,556 --> 00:14:42,855 Really? 304 00:14:42,857 --> 00:14:44,590 I'd rather take care of you for the next 20 minutes 305 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,691 than the next 20 years. 306 00:14:45,693 --> 00:14:48,527 That's the spirit. 307 00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:52,731 ♪ Men. ♪ 308 00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,868 It's a beautiful day. 309 00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:57,102 Why don't you go down to the beach 310 00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,871 and find some kids to play with? 311 00:14:58,873 --> 00:15:00,439 I don't wanna. 312 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:03,075 Okay, why don't you go ride your bike? 313 00:15:03,077 --> 00:15:04,610 I don't feel like it. 314 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,479 Well, you can't sit in the house all day, 315 00:15:06,481 --> 00:15:08,147 staring at that computer. 316 00:15:08,149 --> 00:15:10,650 I made a billion dollars doing this. 317 00:15:10,652 --> 00:15:13,086 Carry on. 318 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,994 Hi. Hi. 319 00:15:21,996 --> 00:15:24,463 Great to see you. What's up? 320 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:28,367 Well, I got a most interesting phone call this morning. 321 00:15:28,369 --> 00:15:29,401 From Lyndsey. 322 00:15:29,403 --> 00:15:32,505 Alan's Lyndsey? 323 00:15:32,507 --> 00:15:34,741 The-the one with the drinking problem? 324 00:15:34,743 --> 00:15:36,276 The very same. 325 00:15:36,278 --> 00:15:38,211 What she ha... 326 00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:39,512 What did she want? 327 00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:42,381 Well, she wanted to tell me, in no particular order, 328 00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:44,583 that you're a great guy, 329 00:15:44,585 --> 00:15:46,785 that you're still very much in love with me 330 00:15:46,787 --> 00:15:50,288 and that I'm a complete idiot for breaking up with you. 331 00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:53,991 I am. I am. You are. 332 00:15:53,993 --> 00:15:56,226 You didn't put her up to that call, did you? 333 00:15:56,228 --> 00:15:58,095 No, not at all. 334 00:15:58,097 --> 00:15:59,430 I do miss you. 335 00:15:59,432 --> 00:16:01,566 It's been very hard for me too. 336 00:16:01,568 --> 00:16:05,503 I was kinda hoping that you'd say that. 337 00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:07,638 So, do you think that... 338 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,974 You, sir, can make out with my girlfriend 339 00:16:09,976 --> 00:16:11,609 any time you want. 340 00:16:13,812 --> 00:16:16,914 You got her so worked up, she humped my brains out. 341 00:16:20,752 --> 00:16:22,819 So, where were we? 342 00:16:22,821 --> 00:16:24,455 I miss you, you miss me, ah. 343 00:16:42,809 --> 00:16:44,141 Ow! What did I do? 344 00:16:44,143 --> 00:16:46,377 Ow! 345 00:16:49,014 --> 00:16:50,681 Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. 346 00:16:50,683 --> 00:16:52,350 This is just like Christmas morning. 347 00:16:52,352 --> 00:16:54,286 But instead of celebrating the birth of our Lord, 348 00:16:54,288 --> 00:16:56,388 little Alan's gonna get some strange. 349 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,791 I know you're excited, 350 00:16:58,793 --> 00:17:01,603 but the first step is selecting the right girl. 351 00:17:01,628 --> 00:17:02,462 Mmm. 352 00:17:02,463 --> 00:17:03,996 Hey, what about that blonde over there? 353 00:17:03,998 --> 00:17:05,698 Eh, I guess. 354 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,300 What's wrong with her? 355 00:17:07,302 --> 00:17:10,169 Well, her outfit's a little matchy-matchy, isn't it? 356 00:17:10,171 --> 00:17:12,938 The outfit's going to be on the floor of the bedroom. 357 00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:15,675 Well, still, it says something about her lack of imagination. 358 00:17:15,677 --> 00:17:17,911 Fine. 359 00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,446 Hey, how 'bout the redhead? 360 00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:20,714 Ooh, redheads. 361 00:17:20,716 --> 00:17:21,849 They do dirty things. 362 00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:25,119 So, should we approach her? 363 00:17:25,121 --> 00:17:26,153 No, no, hang on. Hang on. 364 00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:27,254 She's got a tramp stamp. 365 00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:28,856 So? 366 00:17:28,858 --> 00:17:30,191 It's a little skanky, isn't it? 367 00:17:30,193 --> 00:17:32,960 We're trying to invite her to a threesome. 368 00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:34,028 Skanky is good. 369 00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:36,497 You're right. You're right. 370 00:17:36,499 --> 00:17:39,367 Oh, although, she does have cankles. 371 00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,770 Skanky cankles. 372 00:17:41,772 --> 00:17:44,106 Isn't that what they call Santa Claus in Norway? 373 00:17:44,108 --> 00:17:45,708 Are you done? 374 00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:49,078 Sorry, just a little case of the pre-ménage jitters. 375 00:17:51,448 --> 00:17:52,982 You do realize if I wasn't here, 376 00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:54,384 you couldn't get any of these women? 377 00:17:54,386 --> 00:17:55,919 I'm not so sure about that. 378 00:17:55,921 --> 00:17:57,354 I still have a few moves up my sleeve. 379 00:17:57,356 --> 00:17:58,722 Really? Mm-hmm. 380 00:17:58,724 --> 00:17:59,756 Be my guest. 381 00:17:59,758 --> 00:18:03,860 Fine. Okay, watch this. 382 00:18:03,862 --> 00:18:05,963 Hello. 383 00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:08,065 No. 384 00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:17,108 I'm good with whoever you pick. 385 00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,478 ♪ Men. ♪ 386 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,479 I'm confused. 387 00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:22,114 The only reason you're doing this 388 00:18:22,116 --> 00:18:23,782 is because it's your husband's fantasy? 389 00:18:23,784 --> 00:18:25,117 Ex-husband. 390 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,386 Ah. Ah. 391 00:18:29,255 --> 00:18:30,322 Wow. 392 00:18:30,324 --> 00:18:32,324 What a view. 393 00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:35,027 The view from here is pretty good, too. 394 00:18:35,029 --> 00:18:36,328 Certainly is. 395 00:18:37,597 --> 00:18:40,599 I'm gonna end up watching from the sidelines again, aren't I? 396 00:18:40,601 --> 00:18:43,402 You're lucky you can get to watch. 397 00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:50,476 Wow. 398 00:18:50,478 --> 00:18:53,012 You two look really lovely. 399 00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:54,280 Y-You could actually be sisters. 400 00:18:54,282 --> 00:18:56,482 That is exactly wrong. 401 00:18:56,484 --> 00:19:00,520 Oh, no, I meant, uh, I meant, uh, sistahs. 402 00:19:00,522 --> 00:19:04,457 Like, uh, "Sistahs doing it for themselves." 403 00:19:04,459 --> 00:19:05,925 What's the deal? 404 00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:08,127 Is he dying and this is on his bucket list? 405 00:19:08,129 --> 00:19:10,029 It's complicated. 406 00:19:10,031 --> 00:19:11,230 Just stay focused on me. 407 00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:13,166 Okay. 408 00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:16,202 So, uh, shall we get this party started? 409 00:19:16,204 --> 00:19:20,374 Great. Is there somewhere where I can just freshen up? 410 00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:22,075 Sure, the bathroom's down the hall. 411 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,643 Okay, be right back. 412 00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:29,049 Um, so, how are we slicing up this pie? 413 00:19:29,051 --> 00:19:30,050 What? 414 00:19:30,052 --> 00:19:31,886 You know, who gets what when? 415 00:19:31,888 --> 00:19:33,020 Or we just gonna take shifts 416 00:19:33,022 --> 00:19:35,223 and tap each other out like wrestlers? 417 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,661 Nice to meet you, too. Yeah. 418 00:19:39,663 --> 00:19:44,199 So, uh, how do you know Lyndsey and, uh, the old guy? 419 00:19:44,201 --> 00:19:45,701 Oh, Alan. 420 00:19:45,703 --> 00:19:48,337 He lives here. This is my house. 421 00:19:48,339 --> 00:19:49,972 No kidding. 422 00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:52,241 Oh, oh, and one more thing: 423 00:19:52,243 --> 00:19:54,210 um, if I yell "cheeseburger," it means I'm getting close, 424 00:19:54,212 --> 00:19:56,378 and you need to whack me on the back of the head 425 00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:57,513 'cause I want this to last. 426 00:19:57,515 --> 00:19:59,915 You're so cute. 427 00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:01,350 I love you. 428 00:20:01,352 --> 00:20:03,018 I love you, too. 429 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:05,921 Oh, no. 430 00:20:05,923 --> 00:20:07,523 No! 431 00:20:07,525 --> 00:20:08,691 Oh, man! 432 00:20:08,693 --> 00:20:10,893 I just cannot catch a break. 433 00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:28,868 She sounds fun. 434 00:20:31,138 --> 00:20:32,837 So does he. 435 00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:39,144 You know, if we close our eyes and don't say anything... 436 00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:40,945 Way ahead of you, Walden. 437 00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:44,868 Cheeseburger!