00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:19,904 --> 00:00:21,204
Are you happy?
2
00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:24,007
I was before you ate
that last garlic knot.
3
00:00:24,009 --> 00:00:26,143
Oh, I'm serious.
I mean, don't you think
4
00:00:26,145 --> 00:00:27,911
our relationship has become
a little bit predictable?
5
00:00:27,913 --> 00:00:30,213
Predictable? Yes.
6
00:00:30,215 --> 00:00:32,849
- Why do you ask?
- Well, I was thinking
7
00:00:32,851 --> 00:00:35,085
that maybe we could
spice things up a little.
8
00:00:35,087 --> 00:00:37,521
What'd you have in mind?
9
00:00:37,523 --> 00:00:39,523
Well, um...
10
00:00:39,525 --> 00:00:42,594
I have been reading
Fifty Shades of Grey.
11
00:00:42,596 --> 00:00:44,062
Oh.
12
00:00:44,064 --> 00:00:48,833
And I have some silk scarves
and, uh, some duct tape.
13
00:00:48,835 --> 00:00:50,835
Do you see this
taking place in a bedroom
14
00:00:50,837 --> 00:00:53,271
or the back of a panel van?
15
00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:55,106
I don't know. I'm only
halfway through the book.
16
00:00:55,108 --> 00:00:57,042
Forget the book.
17
00:00:57,044 --> 00:00:59,778
What about you?
Do you have any fantasies?
18
00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:01,112
Ugh, of course I do.
19
00:01:01,114 --> 00:01:03,815
If I lived only my regular
life, I'd eat a rifle.
20
00:01:03,817 --> 00:01:05,583
Tell me one.
21
00:01:05,585 --> 00:01:08,153
Well, I...
22
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,389
guess I always wanted to...
23
00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:13,225
take some naughty
pictures of you.
24
00:01:13,227 --> 00:01:15,227
We could do that.
Really?
25
00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:18,230
Yeah, why not? There's already
a lot available online.
26
00:01:21,101 --> 00:01:22,401
What else?
27
00:01:22,403 --> 00:01:24,203
Oh, well, I-I-I guess
28
00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:27,472
it's a-a cliché
for a guy, but, um...
29
00:01:27,474 --> 00:01:30,743
I've always wanted
to have a-a threesome.
30
00:01:30,745 --> 00:01:32,411
Okay.
31
00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:34,012
Now, I know
it's silly. I know.
32
00:01:34,014 --> 00:01:36,114
No, I mean, okay, we can do it.
33
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:39,084
If you are messing with me,
34
00:01:39,086 --> 00:01:41,987
there is no way
I will ever forgive you!
35
00:01:41,989 --> 00:01:44,490
I'm not messing with you.
36
00:01:44,492 --> 00:01:46,192
Seriously, we can
have a threesome?
37
00:01:46,194 --> 00:01:49,028
- Come on, you'd do the same for me.
- Of course I would.
38
00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:51,297
Good, 'cause I have
a fantasy of my own.
39
00:01:51,299 --> 00:01:53,399
Oh, hmm, lay it on me, baby.
40
00:01:53,401 --> 00:01:55,802
I want to have
a threesome also.
41
00:01:55,804 --> 00:01:57,704
See? See?
42
00:01:57,706 --> 00:02:00,807
This is why communication is
so important in a relationship.
43
00:02:00,809 --> 00:02:02,209
I mean, two minutes ago
44
00:02:02,211 --> 00:02:04,077
I didn't care if
you lived or died.
45
00:02:04,079 --> 00:02:09,382
Now I love you more than
any man has ever loved a woman.
46
00:02:09,384 --> 00:02:10,683
You complete me,
47
00:02:10,685 --> 00:02:13,185
but add another chick
and I'll complete myself.
48
00:02:13,187 --> 00:02:14,954
Great!
49
00:02:14,956 --> 00:02:16,356
So what's your
pleasure, treasure?
50
00:02:16,358 --> 00:02:17,390
Blonde? Brunette?
51
00:02:17,392 --> 00:02:19,359
Someone with a little
junk in the trunk?
52
00:02:19,361 --> 00:02:20,526
No, no.
53
00:02:20,528 --> 00:02:22,762
- In my threesome, there's you, me,
- Mm-hmm?
54
00:02:22,764 --> 00:02:24,597
and another guy.
55
00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:35,208
An-Another guy?
56
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,209
Yep.
57
00:02:36,211 --> 00:02:39,112
Boy, I don't know.
58
00:02:39,114 --> 00:02:40,981
Uh...
59
00:02:40,983 --> 00:02:44,986
I mean, I-I never thought about
it, you know, that-that way.
60
00:02:44,988 --> 00:02:48,389
Four balls, two bats
and one mitt. Uh...
61
00:02:48,391 --> 00:02:50,658
Could be fun.
62
00:02:50,660 --> 00:02:54,094
Yeah, yeah, but, uh, who would
the other guy even be?
63
00:02:54,096 --> 00:02:56,664
Hey.
64
00:03:00,135 --> 00:03:02,970
Oh, crap.
65
00:03:02,972 --> 00:03:05,806
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
66
00:03:05,808 --> 00:03:09,043
♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
67
00:03:09,045 --> 00:03:12,213
♪ Men, men, men, manly men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
68
00:03:12,215 --> 00:03:14,349
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪
69
00:03:14,351 --> 00:03:16,852
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
70
00:03:16,854 --> 00:03:19,888
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
71
00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:23,852
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
72
00:03:23,952 --> 00:03:27,952
♪ Two and a Half Men 10x03 ♪
Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Original Air Date on October 11, 2012
73
00:03:27,953 --> 00:03:28,982
Original sync by elderman
WEB-DL sync by JayDox
www.MY-SUBS.com
74
00:03:29,795 --> 00:03:31,599
♪ Men. ♪
75
00:03:31,826 --> 00:03:34,459
So, you want to have a threesome
with me and Walden?
76
00:03:34,461 --> 00:03:36,829
You have your fantasy;
I have mine.
77
00:03:36,831 --> 00:03:39,966
Yeah, but mine's a traditional,
wholesome three-way.
78
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:44,104
You, me and an anonymous drunken
slut, the way God intended.
79
00:03:45,506 --> 00:03:48,574
Walden is a friend.
Plus, we see him all the time.
80
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,610
So?
So it'll be awkward.
81
00:03:50,612 --> 00:03:51,689
Not for me.
82
00:03:51,714 --> 00:03:53,614
I-I just don't think
it's a good time.
83
00:03:53,615 --> 00:03:55,515
I mean, he just
broke up with Zoey,
84
00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:57,250
and he's feeling very
vulnerable right now.
85
00:03:57,252 --> 00:03:58,585
I think this would help.
86
00:03:58,587 --> 00:04:00,453
You know, he needs
to get back on the horse,
87
00:04:00,455 --> 00:04:02,889
and in this case, neigh!
88
00:04:04,425 --> 00:04:06,092
Do we have a deal?
89
00:04:07,928 --> 00:04:10,730
All right, after we have mine,
we will approach Walden...
90
00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:13,099
- No, no, no, no. I go first.
- Why?
91
00:04:13,101 --> 00:04:14,200
Speaking from experience,
92
00:04:14,202 --> 00:04:16,568
once you get yours,
I'll never get mine.
93
00:04:19,039 --> 00:04:22,375
I am offended...
94
00:04:22,377 --> 00:04:26,278
that you would insinuate that
I would break a sacred trust.
95
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:29,481
I love you, Lyndsey, and
if you can't believe in me,
96
00:04:29,483 --> 00:04:31,984
then-then we have bigger
problems in our relationship
97
00:04:31,986 --> 00:04:34,787
than whose dirty, nasty
hump-fest we have first.
98
00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:37,022
Take it or leave it.
99
00:04:39,327 --> 00:04:41,560
Take it.
100
00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:45,130
Oh, I plan to.
101
00:04:45,132 --> 00:04:48,167
♪ Men. ♪
102
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,593
Gorgeous day, isn't it?
103
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:59,029
Wonder what
the poor people are doing.
104
00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:02,532
One of them is asking me
what the poor people are doing.
105
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:05,902
Rich, good-looking,
and funny.
106
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:08,707
God certainly gave
with three hands.
107
00:05:08,715 --> 00:05:12,030
Hey, speaking of
three hands, um...
108
00:05:12,032 --> 00:05:14,633
there's, uh, something
I-I need to ask you.
109
00:05:14,635 --> 00:05:16,102
Sure.
110
00:05:16,104 --> 00:05:19,272
Oh, boy, where do I start? Uh...
111
00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:20,974
Okay, here's the deal. Um,
112
00:05:20,976 --> 00:05:24,344
things with Lyndsey and me
have gotten a little stale, uh,
113
00:05:24,346 --> 00:05:26,879
sexually speaking.
Everything is by the numbers.
114
00:05:26,881 --> 00:05:30,049
I get it. You're skipping
right from 68 to 70.
115
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,032
Exactly, exactly.
116
00:05:32,034 --> 00:05:35,502
Um, anyhoo, uh...
117
00:05:35,504 --> 00:05:36,970
we've come up with a solution.
118
00:05:36,972 --> 00:05:38,405
What's that?
119
00:05:38,407 --> 00:05:42,777
We're going to have a, uh,
a threesome.
120
00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:44,012
Really?
121
00:05:45,147 --> 00:05:47,815
- What? She agreed to that?
- Yep.
122
00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:49,450
Dude, way to go!
123
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,454
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
124
00:05:52,456 --> 00:05:54,456
Um, the thing is, um,
125
00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:58,460
Lyndsey wants to have a sausage
fest before the clambake.
126
00:06:00,864 --> 00:06:01,863
That's clever.
127
00:06:01,865 --> 00:06:02,998
Yeah.
128
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,133
Yeah, she-she has
this crazy idea
129
00:06:05,135 --> 00:06:07,069
that before I have
my threesome,
130
00:06:07,071 --> 00:06:09,638
she wants to have
one of her own.
131
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,173
Whoa, what, hold on, w...
132
00:06:11,175 --> 00:06:13,108
she wants to have a threesome
without you?
133
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:15,744
Oh, no, no, I'm gonna be there,
uh, uh, but with...
134
00:06:15,746 --> 00:06:17,412
another guy.
135
00:06:17,414 --> 00:06:18,447
Huh.
136
00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:21,617
Yeah, and the-the
really crazy part is...
137
00:06:22,785 --> 00:06:27,156
um, uh, that she wants
the other guy,
138
00:06:27,158 --> 00:06:30,725
uh, to be, um, you.
139
00:06:34,097 --> 00:06:35,431
Okay.
140
00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:38,534
Yeah, now, I-I-I told her
that there was no way...
141
00:06:38,536 --> 00:06:39,969
Oh, no, no, no, I'm in.
142
00:06:41,805 --> 00:06:43,706
Wh-What? What?
You're in?
143
00:06:43,708 --> 00:06:45,542
Yeah, sure.
It sounds like fun.
144
00:06:45,544 --> 00:06:47,644
You know, now that Zoey
and I aren't together,
145
00:06:47,646 --> 00:06:50,581
I don't see any reason why I
shouldn't be doing my own thing.
146
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:52,683
And Lyndsey's own thing.
147
00:06:52,685 --> 00:06:56,154
Probably not your own thing.
Well, a-are you sure?
148
00:06:56,156 --> 00:06:57,855
Why not?
Time to shake things up,
149
00:06:57,857 --> 00:06:59,858
get out of my comfort zone,
you know?
150
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:02,360
Maybe slip into
your comfort zone.
151
00:07:03,362 --> 00:07:04,429
Get it?
152
00:07:06,132 --> 00:07:07,700
I got it.
153
00:07:07,702 --> 00:07:10,703
Well, I guess... I guess
I should let Lyndsey know.
154
00:07:10,705 --> 00:07:13,740
Um, she'll be thrilled.
155
00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:15,542
As am I.
156
00:07:15,544 --> 00:07:16,743
Yay.
157
00:07:16,745 --> 00:07:18,712
Hey, wait.
Do y...
158
00:07:18,714 --> 00:07:20,213
you want to do this, right?
159
00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:21,614
Oh, oh, absolutely.
Uh, you know,
160
00:07:21,616 --> 00:07:24,717
I'm-I'm very open-minded,
uh, about sexual matters.
161
00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:27,487
After all, I-I did grow up
during the sexual revolution.
162
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:30,289
Well, technically, a-a few years
after, but there were still
163
00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:33,959
condoms and diaphragms layin'
all over the place.
164
00:07:33,961 --> 00:07:36,095
Oh, and, uh,
just a heads-up,
165
00:07:36,097 --> 00:07:39,131
um... exit only.
166
00:07:40,366 --> 00:07:42,901
Nope, not even a thumb.
167
00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,460
♪ Men. ♪
168
00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:52,255
I am so happy you said yes.
169
00:07:52,256 --> 00:07:53,989
I am honored you asked.
170
00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:56,124
Aren't you adorable?
171
00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:57,692
Not as adorable as you.
172
00:07:59,363 --> 00:08:00,596
Yeah, yeah, we're all adorable.
173
00:08:00,598 --> 00:08:02,230
Um...
174
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,633
Let's... W-W-We need
to establish some ground rules.
175
00:08:04,635 --> 00:08:06,134
Sure, like what?
176
00:08:06,136 --> 00:08:09,204
Uh, well, uh, for instance, uh,
there are a few things
177
00:08:09,206 --> 00:08:12,708
that I happen to know Lyndsey
is not exactly fond of doing.
178
00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,944
No, I'm good.
179
00:08:15,813 --> 00:08:17,880
R-Really? You're good?
180
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,316
With everything?
181
00:08:20,318 --> 00:08:22,952
Even the Philadelphia
Dump Truck?
182
00:08:22,954 --> 00:08:25,121
Back it up.
183
00:08:25,123 --> 00:08:27,290
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
184
00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:31,328
Anything else?
185
00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:33,696
Uh, well, I guess this goes
without saying,
186
00:08:33,698 --> 00:08:36,332
but, uh, you know, we're
not making Band-Aids here,
187
00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:38,834
so Johnson should never
meet Johnson, so...
188
00:08:38,836 --> 00:08:41,236
True.
189
00:08:41,238 --> 00:08:43,805
Two dongs don't make a right.
190
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,514
Oh, oh, and speaking of, um,
191
00:08:51,516 --> 00:08:55,351
if you have any desire to stick
your tongue in my mouth,
192
00:08:55,353 --> 00:08:56,586
just stick your tongue
193
00:08:56,588 --> 00:08:57,621
in her mouth,
194
00:08:57,623 --> 00:08:58,889
and then she'll
stick her tongue
195
00:08:58,891 --> 00:09:01,358
in my mouth, and we'll consider
the circle complete.
196
00:09:03,728 --> 00:09:05,062
Fine.
197
00:09:05,064 --> 00:09:06,563
It's your loss.
198
00:09:08,466 --> 00:09:11,835
I would like to propose a toast.
199
00:09:11,837 --> 00:09:14,237
Oh!
200
00:09:14,239 --> 00:09:17,607
Friends may come
and friends may go,
201
00:09:17,609 --> 00:09:21,178
friends may peter out,
you know.
202
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:24,181
But here's to us,
through thick and thin,
203
00:09:24,183 --> 00:09:26,617
peter out and peter in.
204
00:09:29,888 --> 00:09:31,522
Hear, hear.
205
00:09:33,225 --> 00:09:34,725
Cheers.
206
00:09:34,727 --> 00:09:36,861
So, what do you say?
207
00:09:36,863 --> 00:09:39,029
Let's get these balls rollin'.
208
00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:44,911
♪ Men. ♪
209
00:10:08,846 --> 00:10:11,440
This is okay,
what we're doing, right?
210
00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:13,548
W-We're all consenting adults.
211
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:14,817
Oh. Oh, yeah, sure.
212
00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:16,385
Sure.
213
00:10:16,387 --> 00:10:19,722
I mean, you know, if one of us
was mentally impaired,
214
00:10:19,724 --> 00:10:22,291
then the-the consent
might be suspect.
215
00:10:23,894 --> 00:10:26,362
True. I mean, i-if
you were required
216
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,297
to wear a helmet or...
217
00:10:28,299 --> 00:10:31,700
have a service dog...
218
00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:34,670
that might be construed
as taking advantage.
219
00:10:34,672 --> 00:10:36,372
Yeah, yeah, but everybody here
220
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:38,040
knows what they're
getting into, so...
221
00:10:38,042 --> 00:10:41,744
Yeah, no one's taking their
pants off for a candy bar.
222
00:10:41,746 --> 00:10:44,179
Or absolution.
223
00:10:45,448 --> 00:10:48,483
Um, so, listen, uh,
224
00:10:48,485 --> 00:10:51,954
don't feel obligated to bring
your "A" game today, okay?
225
00:10:51,956 --> 00:10:53,722
My "A" game?
226
00:10:53,724 --> 00:10:55,858
Yeah, I mean,
what I'm saying is
227
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:57,259
you're younger than I am;
228
00:10:57,261 --> 00:11:00,062
you're prettier than I am;
there's more...
229
00:11:00,064 --> 00:11:02,865
of you than there is of me.
230
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,001
What do you want me to do?
231
00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:07,069
Well, I'm just saying,
232
00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:08,303
we're playing on
a public course here.
233
00:11:08,305 --> 00:11:09,804
Spot me a couple of strokes.
234
00:11:12,742 --> 00:11:14,443
You just be the maypole
235
00:11:14,445 --> 00:11:17,745
and let her run around
with the ribbons.
236
00:11:17,747 --> 00:11:20,915
No, no, that is not my style.
237
00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:22,383
I'm very aggressive.
238
00:11:23,252 --> 00:11:24,585
I'm in it to win it.
239
00:11:26,122 --> 00:11:29,423
What do you think, boys?
240
00:11:29,425 --> 00:11:32,427
I am definitely gonna win it.
241
00:11:32,429 --> 00:11:35,496
Oh, yeah, well,
we'll see about that.
242
00:11:35,498 --> 00:11:36,998
Uh, you do look
beautiful, darling.
243
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,300
Yeah, thanks.
244
00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:40,769
Ooh.
245
00:11:45,441 --> 00:11:47,976
This is probably bad to say,
246
00:11:47,978 --> 00:11:50,612
but Zoey had an outfit
like that
247
00:11:50,614 --> 00:11:51,680
she used to wear all the time.
248
00:11:51,682 --> 00:11:53,782
Well, not all the time.
249
00:11:53,784 --> 00:11:56,251
Just when we were having sex.
250
00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:58,286
Which was pretty much
all the time.
251
00:11:58,288 --> 00:12:01,756
I'm sorry, sweetie.
252
00:12:01,758 --> 00:12:05,027
Oh, I guess we're starting,
okay, uh, um...
253
00:12:13,236 --> 00:12:17,873
You know, I-I, um,
I not only loved Zoey.
254
00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:19,608
I also loved her daughter.
255
00:12:19,610 --> 00:12:23,779
That is beautiful.
256
00:12:33,724 --> 00:12:35,725
I kinda thought we
were gonna be family.
257
00:12:35,727 --> 00:12:38,394
We're your family now.
258
00:12:38,396 --> 00:12:41,364
I'm starting to feel a little
like a very distant cousin.
259
00:12:46,037 --> 00:12:49,339
I miss her so much.
260
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:54,611
I'd have given odds
that I'd be the one crying.
261
00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,346
♪ Men. ♪
262
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,454
♪ Men. ♪
263
00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:02,289
Walden, you doing
okay in there?
264
00:13:02,291 --> 00:13:05,592
I'm good.
I just need a second.
265
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:09,229
Maybe this just
isn't meant to be.
266
00:13:09,231 --> 00:13:10,297
Why not?
267
00:13:10,299 --> 00:13:11,898
The man is clearly upset.
268
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:14,668
Oh, boo-hoo.
269
00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:20,441
I'm really sorry.
270
00:13:20,443 --> 00:13:23,143
Hey, no need to apologize.
In fact,
271
00:13:23,145 --> 00:13:25,979
if it would help, you can close
your eyes and pretend I'm Zoey.
272
00:13:25,981 --> 00:13:27,047
Really?
273
00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:28,615
Of course.
274
00:13:28,617 --> 00:13:30,216
Um, should I pretend
you're somebody else?
275
00:13:30,218 --> 00:13:32,218
Do whatever you want.
276
00:13:34,621 --> 00:13:35,788
That's a good idea.
277
00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:36,923
Let's-let's try that.
278
00:13:36,925 --> 00:13:39,491
Attaboy.
Okay.
279
00:13:39,493 --> 00:13:41,459
Mmm.
280
00:13:45,631 --> 00:13:47,031
Oh, Zoey.
281
00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,399
Oh, Walden,
282
00:13:48,401 --> 00:13:52,703
give me a good shagging,
won't you?
283
00:13:52,705 --> 00:13:55,338
I can't.
284
00:13:56,375 --> 00:13:57,841
I can't do this!
285
00:13:57,843 --> 00:14:01,278
"Give us a good shagging,
won't you?"
286
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,847
What? That's a thing.
287
00:14:03,849 --> 00:14:05,415
Doesn't matter.
288
00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:07,684
Let's just make sure we don't
get a crybaby for my threesome.
289
00:14:07,686 --> 00:14:09,085
Your threesome?
290
00:14:09,087 --> 00:14:10,320
We haven't even had mine yet.
291
00:14:10,322 --> 00:14:12,255
Uh, I beg to differ.
292
00:14:12,257 --> 00:14:13,856
I held up my part
of the bargain.
293
00:14:13,858 --> 00:14:15,291
If I serve pie
and nobody's hungry,
294
00:14:15,293 --> 00:14:16,592
it still counts as dessert.
295
00:14:20,865 --> 00:14:22,933
I suppose.
296
00:14:22,935 --> 00:14:24,168
Now what?
297
00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:26,670
Well, not that you care,
but I did take a lethal dose
298
00:14:26,672 --> 00:14:28,539
of boner pills
before we started.
299
00:14:29,908 --> 00:14:30,975
Is that so?
300
00:14:30,977 --> 00:14:32,978
I'm either going
to have sex or a stroke.
301
00:14:35,014 --> 00:14:38,383
Your call.
302
00:14:39,752 --> 00:14:41,554
Come on.
Let's go to your bedroom.
303
00:14:41,556 --> 00:14:42,855
Really?
304
00:14:42,857 --> 00:14:44,590
I'd rather take care of you
for the next 20 minutes
305
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,691
than the next 20 years.
306
00:14:45,693 --> 00:14:48,527
That's the spirit.
307
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:52,731
♪ Men. ♪
308
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,868
It's a beautiful day.
309
00:14:55,870 --> 00:14:57,102
Why don't you go
down to the beach
310
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,871
and find some kids to play with?
311
00:14:58,873 --> 00:15:00,439
I don't wanna.
312
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:03,075
Okay, why don't you
go ride your bike?
313
00:15:03,077 --> 00:15:04,610
I don't feel like it.
314
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,479
Well, you can't sit
in the house all day,
315
00:15:06,481 --> 00:15:08,147
staring at that computer.
316
00:15:08,149 --> 00:15:10,650
I made a billion dollars
doing this.
317
00:15:10,652 --> 00:15:13,086
Carry on.
318
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,994
Hi.
Hi.
319
00:15:21,996 --> 00:15:24,463
Great to see you.
What's up?
320
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:28,367
Well, I got a most interesting
phone call this morning.
321
00:15:28,369 --> 00:15:29,401
From Lyndsey.
322
00:15:29,403 --> 00:15:32,505
Alan's Lyndsey?
323
00:15:32,507 --> 00:15:34,741
The-the one with
the drinking problem?
324
00:15:34,743 --> 00:15:36,276
The very same.
325
00:15:36,278 --> 00:15:38,211
What she ha...
326
00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:39,512
What did she want?
327
00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:42,381
Well, she wanted to tell me,
in no particular order,
328
00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:44,583
that you're a great guy,
329
00:15:44,585 --> 00:15:46,785
that you're still very much
in love with me
330
00:15:46,787 --> 00:15:50,288
and that I'm a complete idiot
for breaking up with you.
331
00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:53,991
I am. I am. You are.
332
00:15:53,993 --> 00:15:56,226
You didn't put her up
to that call, did you?
333
00:15:56,228 --> 00:15:58,095
No, not at all.
334
00:15:58,097 --> 00:15:59,430
I do miss you.
335
00:15:59,432 --> 00:16:01,566
It's been very hard for me too.
336
00:16:01,568 --> 00:16:05,503
I was kinda hoping
that you'd say that.
337
00:16:05,505 --> 00:16:07,638
So, do you think that...
338
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,974
You, sir, can make out
with my girlfriend
339
00:16:09,976 --> 00:16:11,609
any time you want.
340
00:16:13,812 --> 00:16:16,914
You got her so worked up,
she humped my brains out.
341
00:16:20,752 --> 00:16:22,819
So, where were we?
342
00:16:22,821 --> 00:16:24,455
I miss you, you miss me, ah.
343
00:16:42,809 --> 00:16:44,141
Ow! What did I do?
344
00:16:44,143 --> 00:16:46,377
Ow!
345
00:16:49,014 --> 00:16:50,681
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
346
00:16:50,683 --> 00:16:52,350
This is just like
Christmas morning.
347
00:16:52,352 --> 00:16:54,286
But instead of celebrating
the birth of our Lord,
348
00:16:54,288 --> 00:16:56,388
little Alan's
gonna get some strange.
349
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,791
I know you're excited,
350
00:16:58,793 --> 00:17:01,603
but the first step
is selecting the right girl.
351
00:17:01,628 --> 00:17:02,462
Mmm.
352
00:17:02,463 --> 00:17:03,996
Hey, what about that
blonde over there?
353
00:17:03,998 --> 00:17:05,698
Eh, I guess.
354
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,300
What's wrong with her?
355
00:17:07,302 --> 00:17:10,169
Well, her outfit's a little
matchy-matchy, isn't it?
356
00:17:10,171 --> 00:17:12,938
The outfit's going to be
on the floor of the bedroom.
357
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:15,675
Well, still, it says something
about her lack of imagination.
358
00:17:15,677 --> 00:17:17,911
Fine.
359
00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:19,446
Hey, how 'bout the redhead?
360
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:20,714
Ooh, redheads.
361
00:17:20,716 --> 00:17:21,849
They do dirty things.
362
00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:25,119
So, should we approach her?
363
00:17:25,121 --> 00:17:26,153
No, no, hang on.
Hang on.
364
00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:27,254
She's got a tramp stamp.
365
00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:28,856
So?
366
00:17:28,858 --> 00:17:30,191
It's a little skanky, isn't it?
367
00:17:30,193 --> 00:17:32,960
We're trying to invite her
to a threesome.
368
00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:34,028
Skanky is good.
369
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:36,497
You're right.
You're right.
370
00:17:36,499 --> 00:17:39,367
Oh, although,
she does have cankles.
371
00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,770
Skanky cankles.
372
00:17:41,772 --> 00:17:44,106
Isn't that what they call
Santa Claus in Norway?
373
00:17:44,108 --> 00:17:45,708
Are you done?
374
00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:49,078
Sorry, just a little case
of the pre-ménage jitters.
375
00:17:51,448 --> 00:17:52,982
You do realize
if I wasn't here,
376
00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:54,384
you couldn't get
any of these women?
377
00:17:54,386 --> 00:17:55,919
I'm not so sure about that.
378
00:17:55,921 --> 00:17:57,354
I still have a few moves
up my sleeve.
379
00:17:57,356 --> 00:17:58,722
Really?
Mm-hmm.
380
00:17:58,724 --> 00:17:59,756
Be my guest.
381
00:17:59,758 --> 00:18:03,860
Fine. Okay, watch this.
382
00:18:03,862 --> 00:18:05,963
Hello.
383
00:18:05,965 --> 00:18:08,065
No.
384
00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:17,108
I'm good with whoever you pick.
385
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,478
♪ Men. ♪
386
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,479
I'm confused.
387
00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:22,114
The only reason
you're doing this
388
00:18:22,116 --> 00:18:23,782
is because
it's your husband's fantasy?
389
00:18:23,784 --> 00:18:25,117
Ex-husband.
390
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,386
Ah.
Ah.
391
00:18:29,255 --> 00:18:30,322
Wow.
392
00:18:30,324 --> 00:18:32,324
What a view.
393
00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:35,027
The view from here
is pretty good, too.
394
00:18:35,029 --> 00:18:36,328
Certainly is.
395
00:18:37,597 --> 00:18:40,599
I'm gonna end up watching from
the sidelines again, aren't I?
396
00:18:40,601 --> 00:18:43,402
You're lucky you
can get to watch.
397
00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:50,476
Wow.
398
00:18:50,478 --> 00:18:53,012
You two look really lovely.
399
00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:54,280
Y-You could
actually be sisters.
400
00:18:54,282 --> 00:18:56,482
That is exactly wrong.
401
00:18:56,484 --> 00:19:00,520
Oh, no, I meant, uh,
I meant, uh, sistahs.
402
00:19:00,522 --> 00:19:04,457
Like, uh, "Sistahs doing it
for themselves."
403
00:19:04,459 --> 00:19:05,925
What's the deal?
404
00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:08,127
Is he dying and this
is on his bucket list?
405
00:19:08,129 --> 00:19:10,029
It's complicated.
406
00:19:10,031 --> 00:19:11,230
Just stay focused on me.
407
00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:13,166
Okay.
408
00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:16,202
So, uh, shall we get
this party started?
409
00:19:16,204 --> 00:19:20,374
Great. Is there somewhere
where I can just freshen up?
410
00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:22,075
Sure, the bathroom's
down the hall.
411
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,643
Okay, be right back.
412
00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:29,049
Um, so, how are we
slicing up this pie?
413
00:19:29,051 --> 00:19:30,050
What?
414
00:19:30,052 --> 00:19:31,886
You know, who gets what when?
415
00:19:31,888 --> 00:19:33,020
Or we just gonna take shifts
416
00:19:33,022 --> 00:19:35,223
and tap each other out
like wrestlers?
417
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,661
Nice to meet you, too.
Yeah.
418
00:19:39,663 --> 00:19:44,199
So, uh, how do you know Lyndsey
and, uh, the old guy?
419
00:19:44,201 --> 00:19:45,701
Oh, Alan.
420
00:19:45,703 --> 00:19:48,337
He lives here.
This is my house.
421
00:19:48,339 --> 00:19:49,972
No kidding.
422
00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:52,241
Oh, oh, and one more thing:
423
00:19:52,243 --> 00:19:54,210
um, if I yell "cheeseburger,"
it means I'm getting close,
424
00:19:54,212 --> 00:19:56,378
and you need to whack me
on the back of the head
425
00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:57,513
'cause I want this to last.
426
00:19:57,515 --> 00:19:59,915
You're so cute.
427
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:01,350
I love you.
428
00:20:01,352 --> 00:20:03,018
I love you, too.
429
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:05,921
Oh, no.
430
00:20:05,923 --> 00:20:07,523
No!
431
00:20:07,525 --> 00:20:08,691
Oh, man!
432
00:20:08,693 --> 00:20:10,893
I just cannot catch a break.
433
00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:28,868
She sounds fun.
434
00:20:31,138 --> 00:20:32,837
So does he.
435
00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:39,144
You know, if we close our eyes
and don't say anything...
436
00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:40,945
Way ahead of you, Walden.
437
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:44,868
Cheeseburger!