00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
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Okay.
Hold up your gifts.
2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,470
Everybody has to see the gold
and frankincense and myrrh
3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,472
so they know
we're the three wise men.
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,043
It's 88 degrees out.
5
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,440
I don't have any myrrh.
6
00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:17,639
Unless it's the biblical term
for "swamp ass."
7
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,382
We want this
to be mantel-worthy.
8
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:21,917
We want people to say, you know,
"Look at those costumes,
9
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,953
look at that view,
look at Cher's house
10
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:26,182
perfectly positioned
over Alan's right shoulder."
11
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,121
It's got to be
better than last year;
12
00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:32,127
me as Joseph,
Berta as the Virgin Mary
13
00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:33,924
looking down at you in a diaper.
14
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:35,965
People loved that.
15
00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:39,161
Okay, here we go.
16
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:41,206
Now everybody say...
17
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,498
Sweet baby Jesus!
18
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:45,171
Sweet baby Jesus!
19
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,378
Sorry about that.
20
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,344
That's so cute.
You guys are dressed as Duck Dynasty.
21
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:54,513
No. We're the three kings
of Bethlehem.
22
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:55,980
Oh, right.
23
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:57,520
I don't get HBO.
24
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,421
Guys, look at him.
25
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:05,188
Isn't he the cutest
in his little robe and beard?
26
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,865
You want my gold?
27
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,825
Ohh!
28
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,864
First cute girl he meets,
he's already giving away his money.
29
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,107
You know, I think I have a
better idea for a holiday card.
30
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:29,500
Ripped By mstoll
31
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,153
I found the fake snow!
32
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,290
It looks real.
33
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:38,896
Yeah. I love a white Christmas.
34
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,191
So did Charlie.
35
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,834
He used to put snow
on every mirror in the house.
36
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:44,865
Okay.
37
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,698
Hey, hey, buddy, why
don't you go inside
38
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,271
and write your letter to Santa?
39
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,841
- Santa's not real.
- What?
40
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,671
Of course, he is.
41
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:55,313
He's never brought me
anything I asked for.
42
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:56,914
Hey, I am sure
43
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,483
that Santa's gonna come through
for you this year, buddy.
44
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,051
That's what grown-ups
always say.
45
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,481
Come inside with me.
46
00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:09,183
I made gingerbread Zippys.
47
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,330
I was gonna make
gingerbread houses,
48
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:14,295
but everybody knows
Zippys don't have houses.
49
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,766
A six-year-old boy
who doesn't believe in Santa.
50
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,702
How sad is that?
51
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:24,809
Almost as sad as my
20-year-old boy who does.
52
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:26,503
This sucks.
53
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:29,044
Just 'cause he grew up
in a group home doesn't mean
54
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,080
that he can't enjoy
the magic of Christmas.
55
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,411
I know. It was always
Jake's favorite holiday.
56
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,780
Especially the year he turned 13
57
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,717
and got his first Christmas boner.
58
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,283
It was the only toy
he played with all day.
59
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:43,355
Hey, you know,
I bet Louis would believe
60
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,326
if we got him
exactly what he wanted.
61
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:46,931
I don't know what he wants.
62
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,225
He wants a bike.
63
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,232
God! Rose.
64
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,335
What are you
doing here?
65
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:53,938
Wait. How do you know
about Louis?
66
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,736
Oh, Walden, you're so adorable.
67
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:59,935
I just wanted to bring by
my homemade Christmas candies.
68
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,442
Do you like nuts?
69
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:05,274
Covered in chocolate, yes.
70
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,282
With a sweater and skirt, no.
71
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,250
Oh, okay.
72
00:03:09,422 --> 00:03:12,448
On this day, Walden's heart
shrank three sizes.
73
00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:15,491
Anyway, I know this time of year
can get busy,
74
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,822
so if you need a helping hand,
I'm here.
75
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,398
I can wrap presents or babysit
or read a Christmas story.
76
00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:22,930
I'm great at doing voices.
77
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,364
Or hearing them.
78
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:26,770
What do you want, Rose?
79
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:29,464
My DNA, my fingerprints,
a lock of my hair?
80
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,041
No, silly.
81
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:32,677
I have all that.
82
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,407
I want to be your friend again.
83
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:36,138
I don't think
that I'm comfortable
84
00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:38,044
with you being around Louis.
85
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,717
Or me.
86
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,485
If you want to hang out
with Alan, that's fine.
87
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,348
I'll pass.
88
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:52,121
Here you go. A little
Christmas cheer for everyone.
89
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,059
What is this?
90
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,293
It's eggnog.
91
00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:58,801
With no rum!
92
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,507
Eggnog without booze
is as boring and bland
93
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,438
as church without booze.
94
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,542
Be a dear and go get some
rum for your grandmother.
95
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,812
Evelyn, he's six years old.
96
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,379
Oh. Yes, right.
97
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:20,320
The rum is in a bottle
with a pirate on it.
98
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:24,260
Maybe we can wait
until Louis goes to bed.
99
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:25,863
Of course.
100
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:27,555
So run along to bed, dear.
101
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:28,859
Mom.
102
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,195
If you don't go to sleep,
Santa won't come.
103
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:34,373
- There is no Santa.
- What? Of course, there is.
104
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:37,099
Santa's as real
as the nose on my face.
105
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,340
Well, he's as real as my...
106
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:46,114
Trust me, he's real.
107
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:50,355
You know, she's right,
and tonight we're gonna prove it,
108
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:54,025
because we got a Santa cam,
109
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:58,027
so we can catch
the big man in red on video.
110
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,789
Santa Claus!
111
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,193
Old Saint Nick!
112
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,096
Papa Noel.
113
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,930
Babbo Natale.
114
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,399
Weihnachtsmann.
115
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,905
Which, of course,
means "Christmas man" in German.
116
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,908
Teachable moment.
117
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:17,913
The point is, in the morning,
when you see him on video,
118
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:19,812
then you'll believe
he's real, right?
119
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,242
I guess.
120
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:25,049
I guess? What?
It's a Christmas miracle!
121
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,089
Did you hear that, Alan?
Did you hear that, Evelyn?
122
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,522
You hear that, Clarence?
123
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:30,822
Merry Christmas, you wonderful
old Building and Loan!
124
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,290
Okay, off to bed you go.
125
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,469
And soon, you'll have
visions of sugar plums
126
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,898
dancing in your head.
127
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,300
Can I have some pirate rum?
128
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,270
No, we don't want visions
129
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,944
of pink elephants
dancing in our head.
130
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:49,603
Okay, you go brush your teeth,
and I'll be in in a minute.
131
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,942
When Alan was little
and couldn't sleep,
132
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:53,482
I used to give him whiskey.
133
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,321
Breast-feeding
doesn't count, Mother.
134
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,116
So here's the plan.
135
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,156
Santa's not actually coming.
136
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,919
You don't say.
137
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:04,289
But how awesome is this?
138
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:07,466
We got the number two guy from
the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
139
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,999
So, if the giant Bullwinkle balloon
140
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:11,965
breaks loose
and kills the number one Santa,
141
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,366
- this is the guy.
- Yeah.
142
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:15,836
He also appeared as Santa
143
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,033
on an episode of
Walker, Texas Ranger.
144
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:23,478
He and Chuck Norris fought the
bad guys with Christmas fu.
145
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,653
So, when he gets here,
he's gonna take the presents
146
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:29,845
that we bought for him, and he's
gonna put them under the tree,
147
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,523
and then we'll get it on video,
148
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:35,216
and then Louis will have the
perfect Charlie Brown Christmas.
149
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,231
I need rum.
150
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:53,876
Santa's here!
151
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,147
I give you
Kris Kringle.
152
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:00,980
Are you smoking pot?
153
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:02,711
Of course not.
154
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:05,349
Don't worry.
155
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,321
Santa's got a prescription card.
156
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:11,526
Well, apparently, the presents have
already been delivered in Colorado.
157
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,494
Here. Come on in.
158
00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:19,870
I'm Walden.
This is Alan and Evelyn.
159
00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:23,508
What do you go by?
Mr. Claus?
160
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,870
Babbo Natale?
161
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,705
Weihnachtsmann?
162
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:30,876
Actually, it's Frank.
163
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,009
It's not very Christmassy.
164
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,345
Well, if you don't like it,
165
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:37,216
I can hang some mistletoe
over my ass.
166
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:41,389
That's my son
you're talking to.
167
00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:43,186
Good one.
168
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,557
I'm sorry.
We're just really excited.
169
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,791
It's our first Christmas
with our foster son.
170
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,634
Basically, what we're gonna do
is film you
171
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,135
putting the presents
under the tree,
172
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,567
and then I've written
a little something
173
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:58,073
- for you to say to Louis.
- Let me guess.
174
00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:01,769
"Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas, Louis!"
175
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,609
That's better.
Go with that.
176
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,114
Okay, okay, okay,
and then...
177
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,549
then you'll take a
bite of the cookie,
178
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:11,746
you'll crunch the carrot,
you'll sip the milk,
179
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,825
wink at the camera, jiggle
your belly and leave.
180
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:19,788
So it's toys, bite, crunch,
sip, wink, jiggle, leave.
181
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,260
Toys, bite, crunch, sip,
wink, jiggle, leave.
182
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,965
- Got it?
- So you want me to be Santa.
183
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:31,273
Toys, bite, crunch, sip,
wink, jiggle, leave.
184
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:34,275
That sounds a lot like an orgy
I had in Palm Springs once.
185
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,781
All right,
let's get this stuff wrapped
186
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,784
so we can enjoy this holiday
the way I always imagined.
187
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:45,787
Listening to Michael Bublé's
Christmas album...
188
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,119
...with my husband.
189
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,458
Aw, looks like Alan's getting
his first gift early.
190
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,466
Where's the boy's bike?
191
00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:57,101
Oh, right here.
192
00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:01,703
That's not a boy's bike.
That's a box.
193
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,334
The boy's bike's in the box.
194
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,308
Tell me the boy's bike
in the box has been built.
195
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,012
Oh, no, they wanted $75
to assemble it.
196
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,817
That's like ten pairs of pants.
197
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,449
I was paying for it!
198
00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:17,615
Oh, come on.
199
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:19,188
How hard could it be?
200
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:27,159
Sorry, looks like it's gonna be
a little longer than we expected.
201
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,827
Any chance you know how
to put together a bike?
202
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:33,901
Right now, I'm too buzzed
to have a tool in my hand.
203
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:38,668
I'm just buzzed enough
to have a tool in mine.
204
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,571
Well, ho, ho, ho.
205
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,249
Exactly.
206
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:45,747
Here.
207
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,750
Let me get us both
a little more eggnog.
208
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:53,257
Um, Santa, did you drive your
own sleigh over here tonight?
209
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:56,087
Nope. Santa Ubered.
210
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,161
Well, hope your driver
was named Rudolph.
211
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:04,363
So, what's going on?
212
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,594
Does Santa know you're married?
213
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,707
Does the IRS know
you don't have five children?
214
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,739
Marty and I have
an open marriage.
215
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,277
And since he's 93,
216
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:18,609
my end opens a little more
frequently than his.
217
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:20,917
As does your mouth.
218
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,522
That's one of the ends
I was talking about.
219
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:28,883
Here you go.
220
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:32,587
You're running low on eggnog,
so this one is all rum.
221
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,892
Thank you.
222
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,728
You know, this is a situation
223
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:39,268
where Santa doesn't
need a little helper.
224
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,967
So on, Prancer.
225
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:44,973
Fine.
226
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,439
But just know this:
227
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,444
I am not afraid to give Santa
a negative review on Yelp.
228
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:55,949
Okay, I can't make heads
or tails of these instructions.
229
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,383
They're barely in English.
230
00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:03,054
"The bolts of turning
shall revolve clockwords...
231
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:07,061
as in above figure below."
232
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:11,061
Does it say anything about
roommate of cheapness shall have
233
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,670
foot inserted
in back hole till tight?
234
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,569
Oh, I guess on the first day
of Christmas,
235
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,301
my true love threatened me.
236
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:23,073
I'm sorry, but it's Louis's first
Christmas not in the group home,
237
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:24,408
and I want it to be perfect.
238
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,278
No Christmas is ever perfect.
239
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,282
There's always gonna be a toy
that's broken
240
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:29,579
or the wrong kind of batteries.
241
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,279
I mean, even on
the very first Christmas,
242
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,924
Mary and Joseph woke up
to the smell of donkey crap.
243
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:36,951
I know. I just...
244
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,960
I want him to believe in Santa,
245
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,530
and get this bike
246
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:43,361
and wake up to a
winter wonderland.
247
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:46,531
Not that I ordered
a truckload of snow.
248
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,607
I didn't get reindeer!
249
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,436
Well, they're endangered.
250
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,945
We could still make
Christmas special for Louis.
251
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:57,138
We just got to finish this bike.
We can do this.
252
00:11:57,349 --> 00:12:00,113
You're right. We got
an M.I.T. Engineer and a...
253
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,480
formerly board-certified
chiropractor.
254
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,454
Yeah, now we're talking.
255
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:05,954
I mean, this can't
be more difficult
256
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,682
than realigning someone's spine.
257
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,656
Here.
You know, you got...
258
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:12,862
you got your L2,
connected to your L3.
259
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,999
And all we have to do is
260
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:18,329
put the right pressure
on the right spot and...
261
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,966
Uh, and that is why I am
262
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:26,644
a formerly board-certified
chiropractor.
263
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:34,845
Santa.
264
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:39,850
Santa!
265
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,585
Oh, no.
266
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,497
Here comes Santa Claus!
267
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:51,230
Here comes Santa Claus!
268
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,410
- Oh, my God.
- What happened?
269
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,605
I saw Mommy banging Santa Claus.
270
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,776
- What?
- It's 1972 all over again.
271
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,552
We have a problem.
272
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:13,247
Yes, you have a problem.
273
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,552
You are the Christmas whore!
274
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:19,689
Be that as it may, I think
I killed Santa Claus.
275
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:21,961
Oh, God!
276
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,531
It's exactly like 1972!
277
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,571
Is he gonna be okay?
278
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,140
Yeah, it was just
atrial fibrillation.
279
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:33,277
He just needs some medication
and a few days' rest.
280
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,414
You hear that, sweetheart?
I'll be fine by New Year's.
281
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:39,713
I'll be counting down
till the balls drop.
282
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:44,612
Well, thank God Louis
didn't see any of this.
283
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,155
He would've been
traumatized.
284
00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:48,485
Louis? What about me?
285
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,992
The man almost died
while he was having sex with me.
286
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,327
That's not easy to get over.
287
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,426
No matter how many times
it happens.
288
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:01,131
Okay, well, all right.
Well, there you have it.
289
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,001
Merry Christmas, Louis.
290
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:05,734
Your grandmother banged Santa
within an inch of his life.
291
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,173
Here's half a bike!
292
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:10,806
We can salvage this.
293
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,916
There's still enough time
to finish the bike,
294
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,279
wrap the other gifts
and get them under the tree.
295
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,081
Okay, you're right.
296
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:20,281
Louis will be asleep
for six more hours.
297
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:21,784
Walden?
298
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:23,589
Aw, come on!
299
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:26,460
I heard a noise. Did Santa come?
300
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:28,030
Sadly, no.
301
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,104
All right.
302
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:35,867
Where's Evelyn?
303
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:37,799
Oh, well, uh...
304
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,645
she went to her house
to play with...
305
00:14:41,413 --> 00:14:42,471
her toys.
306
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,443
All right, time for bed, bud.
307
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,618
- That's right. Santa's on his way.
- All right.
308
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,013
If Santa is real,
309
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,814
then how does he get in all
the kids' houses in one night?
310
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:53,218
Well, he's got
Christmas magic.
311
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,660
And how does he know
where everybody lives?
312
00:14:56,862 --> 00:15:00,696
Well... that's the magic
of Google Maps.
313
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,367
All right.
314
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,399
Good night, buddy.
Time to go to sleep.
315
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,730
Can you guys stay with me
till I fall asleep?
316
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,839
- Sure.
- Yeah.
317
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:14,706
It's not like we need to help
Santa assemble toys.
318
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,845
He pays his elves
$75 to do that.
319
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,983
That's Timothy's spot.
320
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,384
Oh, okay.
321
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,890
Um, I guess...
322
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,869
Good boy.
323
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,412
- Alan?
- Mm-hm.
324
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:53,878
Oh, my God!
325
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,914
Don't flatter yourself.
I get one every morning.
326
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,219
Where's Louis?
327
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:01,753
It's 7:00.
We fell asleep.
328
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,519
Oh, crap. The bike.
329
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,219
The presents.
What are we gonna do?
330
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,524
Well, is it too late to
tell him we're Jewish?
331
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,727
What the...
332
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,269
Santa came! He is real!
333
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,633
Did you?
334
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:16,899
No.
335
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:18,804
He's on the video.
336
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:24,982
You didn't see Grandma Evelyn
wrestling with Santa, did you?
337
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:27,216
No, just Santa.
338
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,447
That's...
339
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:32,285
...Santa.
340
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,090
Oh, my God.
341
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,318
If the Easy Bake Oven
I have always wanted
342
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,496
is under that tree,
it is gonna blow my mind.
343
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:41,595
Can I go outside
and ride my bike?
344
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,261
Sure.
345
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,235
Alan, do you
want to?
346
00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:46,495
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
347
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:48,902
Let's go, buddy.
348
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,838
Looks like we had
a great Christmas
349
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:52,772
and saved $75.
350
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:10,359
Rose?
351
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,624
All right, come on, Rose,
I know you're down there.
352
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:16,300
- Actually, I'm behind you.
- Son of a!
353
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,868
How do you do that?
354
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:20,538
Why do you do that?
355
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,299
A girl's got to have
a little fun.
356
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:24,771
Merry Christmas.
357
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:28,143
I cannot believe that you
went to all that trouble for us.
358
00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:31,475
You mean you can't believe
Santa went to all that trouble.
359
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:36,450
Okay, then I guess
I need to say thank you to Santa.
360
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:38,646
Well, he doesn't
do it for the thanks,
361
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:40,290
he does it because
he genuinely wants
362
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,221
to make the people
in his life happy.
363
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,026
Are you happy, Walden?
364
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:46,631
I am.
365
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,699
I couldn't have imagined
a better Christmas morning.
366
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,962
I mean, other than waking up
with Alan poking me in the back.
367
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,397
Listen, I...
368
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:59,544
I'm sorry that I said
I didn't want you around.
369
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,837
Oh, please.
370
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,479
It's not like every time
somebody says
371
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:05,047
something mean to me, I write
it down in a big book called
372
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,717
"Those Who Have Wronged Me."
373
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:09,549
That's funny.
374
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:10,879
I think.
375
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:15,849
Well, I told you before,
I just want to be your friend.
376
00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:17,819
Well, you are.
377
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,361
And...
378
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:21,456
I'm sorry if I forgot that.
379
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:22,591
Oh.
380
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:29,167
Oh, hey, but how did Santa
manage to put that bike together?
381
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:32,070
The instructions couldn't
have been any clearer.
382
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,370
"The bolts of turning
shall revolve clockwords
383
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,981
as in above figure below." Duh.
384
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:41,041
Yeah. Duh.
385
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,213
Do you guys have
big plans for later?
386
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,213
No, just the usual.
387
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,256
Open gifts, call family,
388
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:50,525
hope that you get
their voice mail.
389
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,696
The best part is
Alan's gonna deep-fry a turkey,
390
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,526
so there's a 50-50 chance
he'll catch himself on fire.
391
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:59,363
I got you guys a little something
for the house.
392
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,030
And I hope that every time
you look at it,
393
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:03,299
you'll think of me.
394
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:08,078
Oh! A cuckoo clock.
395
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,975
I get it. 'Cause you're...
396
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,415
What?
397
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,044
No.
398
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:18,114
Because it's red like a rose.
399
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:21,586
How could you
hurt me on Christmas?
400
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,090
I'm sorry. L... I...
401
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,125
- I thought it was...
- I'm just kidding.
402
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:27,762
No, it's totally
'cause I'm cuckoo.
403
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,603
Well, Merry Christmas, Walden.
404
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:37,139
Merry Christmas, Rose.
405
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,242
How cute is that?
It's a tiny Rose.
406
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:49,951
Wait, is that her real hair?
407
00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:51,520
No, it's yours.
408
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,998
You know, this is what
Christmas is all about.
409
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,369
Family, Bublé...
410
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:09,804
deep-fried turkey.
411
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:12,100
Life is good, Alan.
412
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:14,371
It is.
413
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,617
Can you cut mine for me?
414
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:25,649
Deep-fried fingers.
415
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,258
That was sweet of Rose.
416
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:38,529
You know, I've always
been so cynical of her.
417
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,171
Maybe she does just want
to be friends, you know?
418
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:53,400
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