Would you like to step out to have a cigarette, Mr. Graham?
No thank you.
We'll call you as soon as we know.
No.
I understand.
It should be all right now, Mr. Graham.
Thank you.
Did you ever have any trouble with that before Mr. Graham?
Oh I have to take it in 2 or 3 times a week which is somehow inconvenient but the car is well worth.
2 or 3 times a week? How often do you drive it?
2 or 3 times a week.
I have to take it in every time I drive it.
And then it usually needs a tune-up every few weeks.
So I actually don't get to drive it very much.
Oh you have a real problem then, Mr. Graham.
Yes. My own mechanic has not been very helpful.
Is there anyone you can recommend?
Well .. you don't live out here on the island. So ..
I can't check it regularly and not to get a real picture.
All I can advise is never drive it under 3000 rpm in a forward gear. Ever!
There's a lot of carbon on the valves.
Yes there always is. So thank you very much for the recommendation.
Usually it needs a tune-up every few weeks.
I wonder where he does the head-up.
Oh Mr. Graham. Your attorney, Mr. Beckett, has been trying to reach you.
He's been calling the superintendent's office all week.
Well, if he calls again tell him I no longer live with the superintendent.
Have this car taken to my garage
- Broke down again, didn't it? - I don't care to discuss it.
... and he told me that there was carbon on the valves..
which was no news for me cause there's always carbon on the valves
My own mechanic picked up the car yesterday ..
and returned it this afternoon with the news that there was carbon on the valves.
I asked him why the car broke down so frequently ..
and he said it was probably because carbon gets on the valves.
Ha ha, I told you a Ferrari was useless in a city.
Buy a Bentley and stop worrying off.
How dare you!
Mr. Graham.
- Henry! Henry! - Atta day! That's a perfectly insane ..
- Oh, Mr. Graham - What is it?
- Mr. Beckett on the phone. - Beckett?
Says he's your attorney. Has an urgent message. Says he'll wait.
Tell him I'm out.
Don't have much chance to take around and hoppin' her up.
Half the time is spent taking off and the other half is spent on landing.
And she needs a lot of up-keep.
Every time I bring her out she has to have repairs.
What seems to be the trouble?
My mechanic says it's carbon on the valves.
Zero One Foxtrot. This is Long Island tower.
We're holding an emergency telephone call for Mr. Henry Graham..
from his attorney, Mr. Beckett. Over.
Roger. Zero One Foxtrot..
Can we just get out of here, thank you. I'm not taking that call.
Oh Jerry! Mr. Von Rensaeller?
Has Mr. Graham come in yet?
Yes. He's in the lounge with Mr. Beaumont.
Have I told you that my apple trees have krongalle?
Frequently.
Well, then you can relax. They don't anymore.
I sprayed them and the krongalle is gone.
Hello Dan. I was just telling Henry that my apple trees had krongalle.
But I sprayed them and the krongalle is gone.
Really? Oh you must be very relieved.
Yes. Yes, I am.
Could I have a word with you, Henry?
We've had several calls from your bank ..
saying there have been insufficient funds
All those idiots!
I was prevailed upon a undersecretary to bring it to your attention ..
so you can stir it up the bank.
Been going on for weeks.
I wonder if Beckett would go this far to get me to call back?
Now, listen to me very carefully, please. You see, when you have capital ..
.. you are able to derive .. No.
I will attend to the cheque in a moment, Mr. Graham.
I understand about the cheque. I'm trying to explain something to you ..
that is terribly important.
When we spend more, per month or per year, ..
than we have in income, you must then dip into the capital.
Eventually exhausting the capital and of course, therefore, the income.
Do you see what I mean?
Mr. Beckett. This cheque must be paid.
- Mt. Graham .. - and at once.
- I'm trying to explain to you that it is impossible to pay the cheque ..
because your expenses have exceeded your income ..
to such a point that you have exhausted your capital.
Now you have no capital, no income ..
therefore no funds for the cheque, you see.
Don't treat me as if I were a child, Mr. Beckett.
I am as aware of what it means to have no capital as you are.
- Oh, Good! - Now, what about this cheque?
Well, are you entirely sure .. you really do understand what I mean by .. capital, Mr. Graham?
You see, you've exhausted the capital. I can't cover the cheque ..
because the cheque is for $6,000 and you don't have $6,000.
In other words, you don't have $60.
Come to the point, Beckett.
The point, Mr Graham, is you don't have any money.
The capital and the income are exhausted and you no longer have any money.
I wish there was some other way I could say it.
What could I .. How could I put it .. the money You have no capital, you have no income, you have ..No it's only money.
You have no money. There's no other way to put it.
You mean I have no money?
Yes, that's what I mean. You have no money.
And what of my stocks, my AT&T, my General Motors?
Yes, yes I know. Let me show you something.
Mr. Graham, you see, it was necessary for me to sell ..
several shares per year in order to cover the cheques that you ..
- Who gave you the right to do that ? - You did, Sir.
- I did not ! - Yes, you did!
See, 15 years ago when you told me that you wished to live on $200,000 ..
despite the fact that the income on your trust was only $90,000 ..
- and then I had .. - That is beside the point. This cheque must be paid.
Do you realize this cheque has bounced, Mr. Beckett? I mean : bounced!
- It's tough I was some indigent .. - Yes, I know the cheque has bounced.
It is not the first cheque that you have bounced, Mr. Graham.
I personally have covered 3 overdraft of yours to the extent .. I'd like to show you this cheque of $550.
This is of my own money not the firm's money but that is not ..
a policy that I wish to continue in the future.
Who gave you the right to do that?
Well, you did Mr. Graham.
You mean to say that I'm now in the position to owing you $550?
No, no, no, don't, please, don't think of that as a loan Mr. Graham.
I have no more hope of receiving it than you'll ever have of scraping it out.
Oh thank you very much, Mr. Beckett.
May I say that if you expect even the smallest amount of gratitude ..
you have wasted $550 of the excessive fee I pay you ..
for the tiny service that you render.
Mr. Graham. I would like to explain something to you.
I have given you $550 of my own money for only one reason ..
Disliking you as intensely as I do, I wanted to be absolutely certain ..
that when I looked back upon your financial downfall ..
I could absolve myself completely of any responsibility for it.
And $550 is a relatively small price to pay ..
for the knowledge that I had nothing to do whatsoever with your financial downfall.
You have brought yourself to penury entirely on your own.
I don't suppose you care to give me an additional $6,000 ..
and insure yourself against guilt permanently?
- You're perfect. - Thank you very much, Mr. Beckett.
Do you think my uncle would lend me some money?
Mr. Graham, during the 10 years that your uncle served as your guardian ..
he confided in me, almost daily ..
that he thought your father had placed him in that position as an act of spite.
I don't think he'll give you a nickel ..
Mr. Graham. And considering your gift for close personal relationship, I don't think anyone else will either.
- Thank you very much, Mr. Beckett.
Here you are. This will cover the overdraft of $550 that I owe you.
- Mr. Graham. I don't.. - You will have these too. They're non-filter. Smoke them in good health.
I'm poor!
Goodbye.
Oh Mr. Graham, how are you? Nice to see you.
- What can I do for you Mr. Graham? - Oh nothing, nothing .. I ..
- Won't you sit down a little bit. - Thank you. I was looking .. for someone.
- Good afternoon , Mr. Graham. - Bobby, ça Va bien?
I'm fine, thank you. Got a surprise. We're gonna be ready any minute.
Would you like to have a table for one?
No, no thank you. I'm just wandering. Look at the room once more.
But it's always good to see you. You're always welcome here. You know that.
- Oh Mr. Graham. Good afternoon, Mr. Graham - Hello Arthur.
- Were you expecting some mail?
No, no. I just .. dropped in to .. see if I am still welcome.
I'm poor.
- Harold , I should like to ask you something. - Certainly, Sir.
You've been with me for many years now, Harold.
What would you do if I told you I had lost all my money.
I should leave immediately least upon giving the proper notice.
- Thank you, Harold. I knew I could count on a straight answer from you. - Thank you, Sir.
You can't top Mark Schaffner and Marx.
Just stand natural. It fits perfectly.
It's the best suit you can find in ready-to-wear.
I'm sorry, Mr. Graham.
The racket club does not keep those members on a trust that worry missing their dues.
Don't waste your time Mr. Graham, come with me to the WHY.
Henry, you are not .. you are not driving a Chevrolet!
Oh, no!
I took the liberty, Sir.
Oh yes, yes, Harold bring it in. I was just about to ring for it.
- Harold, I have something to tell you. - Is it about your money, Sir?
Yes Harold. I've lost it.
Or more accurately I spent it. In any case it's gone.
I'm sorry to hear that. Sir.
Have you considered borrowing from your uncle?
Yes, it was my first thought.
My attorney advised my against it on the grounds that it would be useless.
See the thing of it is, Harold, that I have no hope of ever repaying him .. or anyone.
I have no skills , no resources, no ambitions.
All I am, or was, is rich.
And that's all I ever wanted to be.
I don't understand Harold. Why did it happen to me? Why?
I was so happy. What will I do?
What any gentleman of similar breeding ..
and temperament would do in your position, Sir.
Suicide?
No Sir. I was not going to suggest suicide. I was going to suggest marriage.
Marriage? You mean to a woman?
Yes Sir. That's just what I had in mind.
It's the only way to acquire a property without labour.
There is some heritance but I believe your uncle ..
has already stated his intentions of leaving everything you own to Radio Free Europe.
Oh, I can't Harold. I couldn't .. I mean : she'd be there ..
asking me where I've been ..
talking to me .. talking ! I wouldn't be able to bear it.
Well, it was only a suggestion, Sir. But the alternatives ..
are very limited and unspeakingly depressing, Sir.
If you do not commit suicide so you will be poor.
Poor?
Poor in the only real sense of the word, Sir ..
in that you will not be rich.
You will have a little left if you sell everything but ..
in a country where every man is what he has ..
he who has very little is nobody very much.
There's no such thing as gentile poverty here, Sir.
How much time do you think I have before it comes out, Harold?
Hardly any, Sir.
You've already received your third notice ..
from both Con Edison and the Bell Telephone Company, Sir.
At any moment the lights may go out and the telephone go dead.
It might not happen Sir. And the worst will appear, Sir..
your credit reaching will be impudent.
I have a road to pit. Thank you.
Oh do it, Sir! Do it, get married, Sir!
Take the plunge. Find a nice suitable young woman, Sir.
Borrow enough money from your uncle to keep up appearances.
Don't become poor, Henry Graham, Sir. Not just for your sake but ..
this is difficult for me to say it, Sir, but for mine as well ..
I mean, how many men these days require the service of a gentleman's gentleman.
How many men have your devotion to form, Sir.
You have managed in your own lifetime, Mr Graham ..
to keep alive traditions that were dead before you were born.
Don't give up the fight, Sir ..
just because the Philistines are upon them.
I now respectfully give 2 weeks' notice, Sir.
Will that be all?
- Yes. - Thank you, Sir.
No, no. Can't. Can't. Better death or murder.
That's a good idea. Harold!
Harold, that was a good idea.
I'm going to do it Harold. I'm going to find a suitable woman and murd.. and marry her.
Oh, I'm so glad, Sir.
- Shall I dial your uncle for you? - Yes please, Harold.
I hope I don't have to grovel too much.
And I take it your answer is no.
Yes. It's no. You've been an ass Henry.
Just as your father was an ass, but you mustn't take that to me it runs in the family.
Lend you $50,000. God, what a witty thing to say!
Don't think at it as a loan, no thank you, but as an investment ..
to be repaid in 6 weeks with interest of 10%.
No.
Why not? It's a better return than you get on any stock.
But you are not a stock, Henry.
You are an aging you, with no prospect ..
no skills, no character.
And what could you possibly do in 6 weeks ..
that would enable you to repay me?
Get married.
Get what?
Get married.
Get married?
Yes. Get married.
with whom?
Well .. I.. I would find a suitable woman.
By "suitable" you mean rich?
Yes, as far as marriage is concerned ..
You see, as far as marriage is ..
As far as marriage is concerned, I do have prospects.
I even have skills, to the extent that I'm not physically disabled.
No
I'm reasonably well mannered
And I can engage in any romantic activity ..
with an urbanity born-of disinterest.
As for character..
that is something I usually require observance ..
- We are talking about character. Yes, character.
That is something I usually require observance ..
in the form of a brief letter written by someone like myself ..
to the effect that the servant in question ..
does not have the injure to adhere to steal.
Well, you can't ask for a better credential for marriage ..
or a better return on your investment.
What is my collateral in the event that you fail?
Collateral?
My wardrobe and furnishings.
Oh my God please .. Yes, go on.
My collection of first editions.
My paintings and sculptures.
- And my .. - What?
- No, no. - No what?
Well, .. that's it.
No, no. You said no. You said no. What? No what?
Alright. My Ferrari 275 GTB 4 ..
which retails at $15.900 and is owned out right by me.
That's at least $500,000 worth of collateral.
I'm asking for a $50,000 loan.
- Six weeks? - Six weeks.
Well .. I'm maybe a sentimental old fool ..
but in memory of our long long years that I spent as your guardian ..
I'll do it.
Thank you uncle.
- One one condition. - What's that?
Should you fail me to pay me in 6 weeks ..
I am entitled to 10 times the amount I'll lend you.
10 times the amount? That's 10 times 50,000
Yes, that's right.
It's .. everything .. I own.
Of course you could always go to a bank and ask for a personal loan.
A bank?
Oh God, if I could be a fly on the wall that day.
Those are my terms. Take them or leave them. As you chose.
- Is that usury? - Uh uh.
- I'll take it. - Good.
I'll have my attorney drop the document tonight
Wish you'd be here to sign it tonight, don't you think?
Yes. Thank you uncle.
Call me uncle Harry..
after all we're in business together now, Henry.
Thank you uncle Harry.
In that case, you may call me Mr. Graham.
You know Henry, I had never though of you as terribly interested in women.
It was kind of rather a shock to me too.
- Are there any here? - Huh?
I mean .. unattached ones?
Yes, yes, there's a Sharon Hart, over there next to Felix.
Does she leave with her family?
No, no, as far as I know Sharon has no close family.
Her husband Robert Hart was a cattle bearer I think
Really?
Sharon, I'd like you to meet Henry Graham.
I eat, I sleep, I swim, I dry off.
All so simple, perhaps even primitive. And it satisfies me.
I found peace in Connecticut.
I mean after all, what else is there?
I love, I wish love, I'm human, I am a woman Henry!
A what?
A woman Henry!
I want .. I need .. I desire a love.
That is what a woman is born for.
Damn mosquitos!
No mother? You have no mother? No father? No .. no children? No one at all?
No one at all.
Oh, Henry ..
How I long to hear another voice.
A man's arms.
Oh, I am alive.
I want to give ..
love.
Darling!
No! Don't let them out.
3 weeks, 2 days and 3 hours to go, Sir.
- Please don't scratch, Sir. - Oh, God help me!
She is very interested in the high finance.
She had an attack a little while ago.
Your aunt .. Does she live in New York?
Yes, as a matter of fact she does.
- What sort of an attack did she have? - A heart attack, you see ..
- Oh, does she have any other relatives? - No, no, none at all.
- No mother? - No, no, no mother.
- No father? - No, no, no father.
We were wondering if you would like to put your name on one of our letterhead on one of our star suites
- You wouldn't have to do anything. - No, thank you.
Oh , Henry. What the hell are you doing here?
I thought you hated dancing and didn't believe in private charity.
You were correct.
One week, 5 days and 10 hours, Sir.
I'll never do it, Harold. Never.
How the hell I do it? I still have to meet her, but I have to court her ..
marry her and get $50.000 from her ..
before the honeymoon. Oh, I'll never do it.
Don't waste my hello tomorrow.
You will do it, Sir.
When we are working for something we really love, as you are Sir ..
we can always find the way.
Henry.
Everybody! This is Henry Graham.
- This is Harriet Dortch. Bo of course you know. - Hi Henry.
Mr and Mrs. Sims, Tut and Romy. They are here from Geneva on home leave.
This is Newton Silvester.
And our neighbours Dr. and Mrs. Harold Hitler
John Sylvester and Freddy, of course you would know
Excuse me, you're not from ..?
No, We're from Glen Cove.
Henry, this is Ms. Henrietta Lowell. .. This is Mr. Henry Graham.
Ms. Lowell. How do you do?
You dropped your gloves Ms. Lowell.
Now come with me and have a nice chat with Bo while I get you something to ..
- Gloria , what's today's date? - July 27.
Come sit with Bo and I'll get you some nice tea.
Henry, sit down. Would you believe it? Soothy blouch!
Got read of the krongalle and got soothy blouch.
I think it's soothy blouch, I'm not sure.
That's becoming mad. By the way, who's Henrietta Lowell?
- She's old Guy Lowell's daughter. - And who's old Guy Lowell?
Was. He's dead now.
Been dead ever since I can remember.
And who was he, when he was alive?
He was an industrialist ..
..or composer, something like that.
When did he die was his worth intact or .. did he lose everything and suicide?
Well .. I'm merely curious.
Well, he died with his worth intact ..
I heard he was enormously wealthy when he died. Is that right?
I thought you didn't know who he was.
Well, I didn't at first ..
but the vividence of your description has restored it to my memory.
He was old Guy Lowell, who died enormously wealthy.
- Isn't that right? - Yeah. He was enormously wealthy when he died.
And the girl?
She's enormously wealthy too. Leaves all alone in a huge place with ..
dozens of servants tending about her and 50 acres of land.
- No mother? - No.
No sisters, brothers? No close relatives?
No. Harry, you are hurting my arm!
Oh, sorry.
She .. She's not engaged?
No! She's a botanist.
She teaches at some.
Writes a lot of papers on .. fronds .. for periodicals.
Doesn't ride either.
Doesn't entertain. Doesn't even talk as far as I can tell.
I think she's about the most isolated woman I've ever met.
Rich, single, isolated.
And she's about to drop that teacup.
Oh, she's perfect.
Marlene, would you get Ms. Lowell another cup of tea, please?
- I'm terribly sorry. - That's alright dear, really.
It's nothing. It's nothing. It's just an old broke.
Just wish that out and then just dab it, just .. just dab it and broad it.
Here .. I'll take this.
Incredibly clumsy woman, isn't she? No wonder she doesn't ride.
Forgive me a moment, will you Bo?
Excuse me.
Henrietta, is it some kind of joke?
Because if it is, I do not find it amusing.
If your nerves aren't steady enough ..
to hold a cup and saucer in your hand, then you shouldn't be drinking tea.
- I'd like .. - Once yes, but twice in a row. - It's too much .. too much.
Madam. There you are, Madam.
Take your damn carpet to the cleaners and send the bill to me.
Here you are. Come Ms. Lowell, I'm taking you home.
Take your bag.
You, son of a bitch!
You dare call me a son of a bitch?
Madame, I have seen many examples of perversion in my time ..
but your erotic obsession with your carpet ..
is probably the most grotesque and certainly the most boring I have ever encountered.
You're more to be scorned than pitied.
Good day, Mrs. Cunliffe.
You can dismiss your car. I'll take you home with mine.
I came by bus.
I beg your pardon?
I .. I didn't come by car, I came by bus.
- By bus? - On the bus.
And then to be treated in this manner?
Perfect!
This is very nice of you. Thank you.
And I'm terribly sorry.
No, you don't have to apologize, Ms Lowell.
Your behaviour has been impeccable.
No. I did spill the tea twice.
You were a guest.
A woman of your stature has a right to expect every courtesy in any house she consents to visit.
What stature?
Oh, come now, Ms. Lowell.
I've read far too many botanical journals..
to take that question seriously.
Are you a botanist?
No. Just a pathetical journal reader.
Every science has his fans.
Carbon on the valves.
Tell me about yourself, Ms. Lowell.
Your work, your hopes, your dreams.
Well, I work as a teacher and I also do field work and write monographs.
On my last field trip I identified and classified ..
all the varieties of a fern named Jolly Bogo.
It was one of the longest monograph I've ever written.
I'd love to read it sometime.
My hope is to discover a new variety of fern ..
that has never been described or classified.
I don't know what my dream is.
If it gets to be the same as my hope?
Well, in any way that is my work and my hope except for my wishes I'm not certain enough.
What happens if you discover a new species ..
that has never been described or classified?
Well, .. nothing terribly much except that ..
you are ... you're listed as its discoverer ..
and the entire species is named after you.
Oh, like Parkinson's disease, being named after James Parkinson.
That's right.
Or the bouganville being named after Louis de Bougainville.
- Or like ..Brussels' sprouts. - Yes, that's right.
It's a kind of immortality, isn't it?
Yes. I guess it is.
Does it tread in presumption, doesn't it? to hope for immortality.
Not to me.
If you can't be immortal, why bother?
Oh Henry, you are really so... self-assured.
You're so perfect too.
It almost gives me confidence just to be with you.
Then in a very short time you will be a very confident botanist because ..
I intend to be with you a great deal of the time.
Oh, heavens.
With your consent of course.
Oh, yes. I consent. I.. I just. Oh, heavens!
- I will pick you up at 7. - Yes. Bye.
Until this evening.
Heavens.
Good Morning, S..
Good Morning, Mr. Graham.
You have exactly 7 days and 9 hours to destitution.
Shall I serve your breakfast in bed...
or would you like me to... follow you about with the tray?
No, thank you Harold. I haven't got time to eat.
See if you can find a college outline of botanic.
Reserve a table for two at Pavillion for tonight.
Get the florist on the phone and start making out a guest list.
I think I have found, Gold help us, Ms. Right
Heavens. How tasteful!
1955 was a glorious year for Mouton Rothschild.
Better than 53 I think. Don't you?
May I ask you something?
Certainly, Henrietta.
Have you ever tasted ..
Mogen Davis extra heavy Málaga wine with soda and lime juice?
Uh, not that I can recall.
One of my students happened to introduce it to me...
on a field trip to the Canary Islands.
It tasted a little like grapejuice and every year is good.
Why don't you just drink grapejuice?
It's not as sweet.
I had never drank wine at all until I tried ..
Mogen Davis extra heavy Málaga wine with soda and lime juice.
It's delicious. It's called the Málaga cooler.
Málaga cooler.
Oh, well that .. sounds .. unique.
- Thank you Harold. - You're welcome, Sir.
- Thank you Harold. - You're welcome, Mr. Graham. Good night.
- Good night Mr. Graham. - Nice touch, thank you very much.
- Good to see you again, Sir. - Thank you.
- 5 days and 11 hours. - Today is Wednesday, isn't it? -Yes.
Then the ceremony will have to be this Saturday...
that means that I will have to propose tonight, God help me.
If we're to get the license by Friday ..
Do you know anything about Mendel's experiments? Listen to me, please, Harold.
- Mendel's experiments with garden peas? - No.
Well, bone up and study the chapter on classification.
I have to have someone test me...
on division, class, order, family, genus, species and variety...
before I go on to seed and fruit dispersal.
Oh, I'm so glad you found a nice suitable young lady.
She's not suitable. She's primitive.
She has no spirit, no wit, no conversation ..
and she has to be vacuumed every time she eats.
Oh, she must be very wealthy, Sir.
Yes, she is.
Cancel my theater tickets for tonight.
I'll have to start early if I'm going to propose.
Yes, Sir. Oh, shall I order additional champagne, Sir?
No. No champagne.
Order a dozen bottles of ..
.. Mogen Davis extra heavy Málaga wine and lime juice.
And lower your eyebrows, please. I told you she was primitive.
To science.
Do you have any straws?
Straws? No straws.
Should have told you to buy straws.
I have recently been re-reading Gregor Mendel's...
fascinating experiments with garden peas.
And it has struck me again...
how much we owe our understanding of plant genetics...
with all its myriad implications to that brilliant pioneer.
Yes, but we mustn't forget Morgan and Muller.
- Morgan, Muller and Mendel. - Who?
Gregor Mendel, the man that you just mentioned.
Morgan, Muller and Mendel, I think...
are a perfect example of scientific synthesis.
Ehm .. does it seem that to you?
No, it doesn't.
Collective appraisal has never appealed to me.
- Oh, I didn't mean to criticize .. - Uhh.
Oh, your carpet. Your beautiful carpet.
No, that's alright Henrietta, please .. No, no, no, don't , please, Henrietta.
Is there any cold water?
No, no, never mind. Please sit down, Henrietta.
Henrietta, please. Nonsense. Nonsense. The floor needed a touch of color.
Henry, I'm so stupid and clumsy. Gauche!
I don't know what to say. I've ruined another carpet.
No Henrietta, please. Stop that. Can you possibly believe, for one moment...
that what happens to this foolish, hairy, floor covering matters to me...
when I have you sitting beside me?
looking at me with your beautifully soft...
yet highly intelligent, well informed eyes?...
talking to me in your gentle...
yet perfectly modulated, podium-trained voice?
You must think me very superficial.
No, I don't.
Henrietta uhh... uhh... do you care for some more wine?
Oh yes, I would like so.
Henrietta .. Henrietta .. I have something to ask you ..
I .. I .. uhh. What time is it?
It's .. uhh .. oh, it's 10 o'clock and then we'd have to leave pretty soon ..
cause I have to teach tomorrow with a early morning class.
- Uh! - Is anything wrong?
- Henry? - No, no.
Henrietta ..
Henrietta, we have a great deal in common, you and I.
We are both of the same division: vertebrata ..
the same class: mammalia ..
the same order: primate ..
the same family: hominíde
the same genus: homo ..
the same species: sapiens ..
and the same variety of a class.
- I don't think there is a class of variety .. - Keep quiet!
Oh! I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I ..
Where .. where was I? Oh, yes ..
In fact the only difference between us is that I am a man and you are a woman.
And we don't have to let that interfere if we are reasonably careful.
Henrietta, what I'm trying to say is ..
Will you marry me?
I beg your pardon ?
Oh, Henrietta, if you care for me at all.
Even if you don't care for me at all ..
but feel that you could .. learn .. to care for me at all ..
in a reasonable amount of time, please, say yes.
There is often a tidy prophet in speculation.
I care for you, Henry. I do care for you.
Oh! Henrietta. Ahhhhh! Darned to hell!
- Did you hurt yourself? - No, no.
Kneeling on broken glass is my favorite pastime.
It keeps me from slouching.
Do you think you should get up, Henry?
No. Never. Not until I finish.
I would kneel on anything for you, Henrietta.
Henrietta, if you turn me down, it would be the end of me.
I would literally .. have nothing.
- There would be such a .. - I won't .. I wouldn't.
I'm not going to turn you down, Henry.
- You're not? - No.
I love you, Henry.
That was my dream, Henry.
From the moment that you spilled your tea on Gloria Cunliffe's hoversun.
That same day you would ask me to marry you.
That was mostly my dream.
Henrietta, darling, would Saturday be too soon?
- This Saturday? - Yes.
Answer yes or no!
- Henrietta, I'm intensely uncomfortable. - Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.
Here. You're a good girl. You're a good girl.
- Heaven's ooh .. gracious heavens. - Stay with heavens.
Ouch! Stop that, Harold.
I'm sorry, Sir.
That hurts.
I'm saved, Harold. Less hurried but saved.
I'm enormously pleased, Sir.
Oh I wish you could be there. I wish you could have been there, Harold.
I was brilliant. Brilliant! You would have been astonished of my technique.
So don't doubt it, Sir.
Harold, send an announcement out to the newspapers ..
and put Ms. Lowell's attorney on the guest list.
It seems he's a close personal friend of hers.
Has the wine come up of the rug yet?
No Sir. I'm soaking it now in the rug solvent ..
but it only seems to dissolve the nap.
I ought to sue her.
Do you know how many Lamas must have died to make that rug?
Have my travel agent book a cottage somewhere for a few days.
I'll have to pick up the $50,000 during the honeymoon.
Oh, Sir! Isn't that just a trifle unseemly?
Unseemly? Unseemly!?
Harold, after I behaved tonight, anything I do would be seemly.
Never have I seen one woman ..
in whom every social grace was so lacky.
Did I say she was primitive? I retract that. She's feral.
I never spent a more physically destructive evening in my life.
I am nauseated. I'm limp.
And I can feel my teeth riding away from an excess of sugar ..
that no amount of toothpaste can dislodge.
I would taste of that damn Málaga Cooler forever.
That woman is a menace not only to health ..
but to western civilization as we know it.
She doesn't deserve to live.
Forget that I said that.
Yes, Sir.
He did it.
He did it. Oh get off my lap you little weight. Get off!
He did it. He really, really did it.
Yes, yes. I know who Henrietta Lowell's attorney is.
In fact he has an office somewhere next building.
Well, let's put it this way, Harry.
He doesn't seem to have a very active practice.
Henrietta Lowell seems to be his only client.
What I mean is ..
he may not be exactly overjoyed ..
at the idea of sharing her affection with Henry.
- No, no, no! - Andrew.
No, I won't accept it. As your lawyer I forbid it.
But Andrew, I'm in love.
Nonsense. After 3 days?
Who is he? One of your students?
A little wino who went with you in one of your field trips to the Canary Islands?
Malcolm Thengery is not a wino, Andrew.
But it is?
- No he's not. - Well then, Who is it?
A foreigner?
Some little whack with a fancy title?
What's the little fortune hunter's name?
Well, Andrew.
I don't see why you take it for granted ..
that the only reason that somebody would marry me is for my money.
There may be some other bases, you know.
Oh my God! Oh my God. Of course Henrietta. Don't you think that I know?
Haven't I proposed too these past 10 years on whatever other bases there is.
Look, it's .. it's just that .. with your discreet beauty ..
and womanly presence
I find it deeply suspicious for anyone ..
to claim to ..
penetrate the many mysteries ..
of your personality in just 3 days.
You're saying that I'm plain and shy ..
but that after a while you get used to it.
I'm saying that you're not flip. I'm saying that you're subtle.
Like some very expensive... custom made... hat.
I don't know what I'm saying. Can't you see that I'm distraught?
Andrew. Andrew, listen to me. You will find .. You will find someone else.
Andrew, you will find some wonderful woman who deserves you.
Are you alright , Andrew? Oh Andrew, please! What do you want?
Nothing, Henrietta.
- Henrietta, darling .. - No, no! Andrew!
I'm going now. I'm leaving, in order to meet Henry ..
who it just so happens, he's an American citizen of English extraction ..
with a very large fortune of his own.
- Oh, really? - Yes.
- What's Henry's last name? - Graham.
Oh Andrew, please. Will you come to the wedding?
- Please, don't disappoint me. Please don't get in the way. Please - Alright, alright.
Henry Graham. You won't get away with it, Henry Graham.
Won't get away with it! Let me see. Now, I have to do something.
Who do I know who's pregnant and a good sport?
- Yes, Mary Amy. - A Mr. Harry Graham is on the 21, Sir.
He says that it's extremely urgent and confidential.
- Harry Graham? - Yes, Sir.
Very well, put him on.
I bet he doesn't even know her right name.
Mr. Graham.
You wonder why I called you here today.
One day before the ceremony that will unite you as man and wife.
Let me explain.
As Henrietta's friend and attorney, ..
.. to take the ever unpleasant role of the devil's advocate.
And despite her assurance that you are a man of means, ..
I've taken upon myself to investigate your financial status.
Excuse me Sir. Tea will be delayed by 7 minutes.
- Andrew, you had no right to do that. - It's alright.
Quite alright Henrietta. I have nothing to hide.
The Grahams have been with the same bank for 6 generations ..
as Mr. McPherson has undoubtedly discovered.
I didn't speak to the bank, Mr. Graham.
I spoke to your uncle.
Your butler seems to have weak wrists.
Andrew, I think it's just dreadful of you to do that.
To call Henry's uncle and speak to him ..
like he was opening some kind of a charge account.
I'm so sorry, Henry.
Henrietta, I didn't call Henry's uncle. Henry's uncle called me ..
in order to tell me that his nephew here ..
borrowed $50,000 from him, five and a half weeks ago ..
because his trust fund ran out ..
and he had the pace on back bills ..
and marry a wealthy woman before the news of it got around.
I hope you can substantiate this hints Mr. McPherson because I intend to sue you for slander.
Oh, I can substantiate it alright, Mr. Graham. I wouldn't be here if I couldn't.
Henrietta, this is a photostat of the original note.
Now, take a good look at it.
They're rather interesting terms, aren't they?
You're still gonna sue me for slander Mr. Graham?
Yes, Sr. McPherson. I am still going to sue you for slander.
You see, McPherson, I knew for several years
that my money was running out.
Now, if you can convince a court ..
that any man with the slightest interest at all in money ..
would sit around for several years, doing nothing ..
while his money ran out, ..
and then jump up and borrow $50,000 under the most disadvantageous terms imaginable ..
so that he could .. dash out .. and catch himself a rich wife ..
in order to pay it back within 6 weeks ..
I will withdraw my suit for slander.
Alright.
Let's put in this way, Graham.
If you can convince a court ..
that any man without any interest at all whatsoever in money of any kind ..
would borrow $50,000 for no reason at all ..
I'll withdraw my charge.
Agreed.
Alright. Let's hear the reason.
You were going to use the $50,000 to set up a fund for the disadvantaged ..
to make a better world. Am I close?
Nonsense.
I was going to use the $50,000 to tidy up my affairs ..
and then immediately afterwards ..
kill myself.
Yes Henrietta. On the day I met you I was a dead man.
My life was over. And then ..
something happened to me.
I suddenly realized that if ..
by some miracle I could have you ..
I would have a purpose, an answer to the emptiness of my existence.
And so I proposed, Henrietta. Not to get your money ..
but to find out .. if I had a reason to live.
Henry, why didn't you tell me?
I would have married you the very first day.
Henrietta, now wait a minute. You don't believe that garbage, do you?
Any sex starved flip would know that's a lie. What's the matter with you?
You have been unbelievably cruel.
Thank you for keeping me alive, Henrietta.
You're welcome Henry. You're entirely welcome.
I can't believe this.
- Get Off. - I beg you Henrietta. .. Sorry ..
I beg of you, Henrietta. Don't get carried away. Henrietta ..
If he's not really interested in your money, make him prove it.
I would do anything in the world to prove to you, Henrietta, ..
that I haven't the slightest interest at all in your money ..
but there is absolutely no way I can do it.
- I have a way. I have a way. - There is no way. - I have a way.
- Bu there is no way. - Henrietta, I have a way.
Have him consent to some kind of legal arrangement ..
that prevents him from gaining financially after the marriage.
Don't listen to him, Henrietta.
That way, .. people won't get the wrong impression from his uncle the way I did.
That's a good idea.
Let's make all my accounts joined with Henry.
And he's to have a chequebook with his name on it.
And I would like the debt to his uncle paid before the wedding.
You would like ... you would .. Are you crazy?
Have you gone totally out of your mind?
- I thought it was your idea - It was not my idea.
My idea was for him to disclaim all your money not to share it.
Oh, that's being ridiculous, Andrew. It's very naive of you.
If Henry disclaims all my money, then I would have to write all of his cheques for him.
And then people really would think ..
that he was marrying me for my money.
Don't you see? This way he'd already have all my money.
So that no one can possibly think that he's married me for it.
Don't you think it's a good solution, Henry?
You're a nincompoop. That's no solution at all.
- Henrietta, I love you. How dare you call my fianceè a nincompoop?
Harold! Get Mr. McPherson his hat and show him out.
- Hat ? - Yes, we have to get to the bank before it closes at 3 o'clock.
- I thought you could have played the Park theme? - This is what he told me to play.
Harold, you've got to stop this. That little woman. She's touching things.
Oh no. Harold, she's unscrewing my Montrosini.
You don't have time to make a fuss now, Sir. I'll screw it back when she leaves.
She's destroying my living room.
Why did I get into this?
I don't even know her, She's a stranger. I don't want her here.
Get out!
Oh! I thought this was the bathroom.
Well, it's not!
And if you touch anything else, I'll have you arrested.
Oh Sir, get a hold of yourself.
This is what it'll be like, isn't it Harold?
She'll be everywhere, touching things.
poking her nose into where it doesn't belong ..
pretending she's looking for the bathroom.
No, Sir. You will share things.
I don't want to share things. I want to hold them all by myself.
Why are you standing there, you little spy?
McPherson sent you in here to find out what was going on?
Oh, Sir.
- Have you seen the groom? - Don't answer that, Harold.
I'll ask the questions from here on in.
Henrietta, if I could just talk to you ..
Who are you really?
Come on now , let's have it!
And I want real names or else you'll regret it.
I'm Dodi Heinrich. Professor Heinrich' daughter.
Professor Heinrich?
Harold, he's invited some Nazi to the wedding.
Sir, you are hysterical. You must get hold. You're wanted at the altar now.
I won't move until she leaves.
I will not get dressed in front of a woman ..
and she might as well understand that now.
You already are dressed.
Get her out. Out!
- Miss. Heinrich, I will escort you to the bathroom. - Out! Out!
And she will not touch my things. I would not have her touching my things.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Come on. It's time.
Frank, I think one of my legs is shorter than the other.
Yes, I know old man. It'll get ..
longer after the ceremony.
Oh, I'll kill her.
Dearly beloved,
We are gathered together here in the sight of God ..
and in the face of this company ..
to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony, ..
which is an honorable estate, instituted of God, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church ..
- I'll be leaving now. I hope you enjoy your stay. - Thank you. Thank you.
Uh, Henrietta, I will use this chest and you can use that one.
Or would you prefer that I use that chest and you use this one?
That one would be fine.
And I will unpack my own things.
I have a certain way that I unpack my things.
And if anyone touches anything I get mixed up.
- Yes, Henry. - Alright. Then shall we unpack?
I'm just trying to take up this specimen ..
and take it home for classification.
It's probably been classified for years ..
but I might as well just try it anyway.
Why not?
This is really incredible.
I know this isn't a Cyathea.
I know it's an Elsofolo but ..
it seems it has some kind of Sticherus endusium.
Henry ..
Commonly found in gardening sheds.
Perfect.
Spreading and emulsifying agents.
Soaps, .. gelatins,
Sticking agents, defloculating agents.
Get poison from gardening shed.
Arsenite toxic acid, sodium arsenite borum compounds, cyanites ..
sodium cyanites and related compounds.
Henrietta, I meant to ask you ..
which .. which bed do you prefer ?
This one or that one? Either one is fine for me.
This one is fine.
Fine. Then I would take that one.
And when we both use the same bed we'll use this one.
- Champagne? - Thank you.
Henrietta, where is your other arm?
It's in the nightgown.
It's a Grecian styled nightgown.
It fits over one shoulder and the other one goes inside.
It's pretty uncomfortable. I can barely move my head the other way around.
Fine .. I just think you have your head through the armhole.
If you just stand up for a minute.
That's it. Here you are ..
I think .. You see, you have your head through the armhole. Now, pick your arm up ..
No, not that one. Put that one down.
That arm down. Let's pick this arm up. Thaaaat's it.
That's it.
Now, here we are.
- Just get this .. over here ..
Oh here. Let me put your glasses down here.
No, just a minute.
See, you have your... you have your head through the armhole.
We have to get your head out .. out of the armhole.
See, both of them holes were very similar.
Where .. where is your headhole?
Well, I thought my head was in it.
No. You had your head in the armhole.
Where are you now?
I'm still where I was.
- Where .. - Just a minute.
No. Here. That's it.
Here you are.
- I'll get your arm .. - This arm?
Yes. Get this arm through .. through .. No, in a minute
There. That's it.
Now put this arm ..
through here.
This is the head and left arm hole.
Here. There you are. That's it.
- That's it! - Oh, I see.
Now, there! That's the way .. it's supposed to .. It still looks strange.
I'm sorry to be so much trouble to you.
That's alright. That's not for long ..
- Harold, Harold! - Welcome home, Sir.
- Where is Mrs. Graham, Sir? - Who ?
She's not with you. Where is she, Sir?
Hello.
Oh, there you are Ma'am Oh, welcome home Mrs. Graham.
May I .. May I express my greatest joy at seeing you .. again.
Thank you Harold. Heavens.
Harold, where is the chauffeur?
I couldn't find him, Sir.
He disappeared just as I was about to leave.
- Couldn't find him ? - No
John is a little forgetful, dear.
That's why I usually take the bus.
- Who's John? - John is the chauffeur.
His memory lapses.
I .. I think you ought to prepare yourself, Sir.
Mrs. Graham's household is incredibly democratic.
Couldn't find the chauffeur.
Chauffeur! Chauffeur!
Well, you're early. Well, welcome home and congratulations.
Mrs. Traggert, I'd like you to meet my husband, Henry Graham.
- How do you do. - Mrs. Traggert.
Mrs. Traggert is our housekeeper.
May I ask where the chauffeur is?
Well, didn't he pick you up at the airport?
No, he did not.
Oh, well ..
I guess .. his car broke down. I'll have to look into that.
Would you .. do you want dinner-at-home this evening?
Henry, would you like dinner-at-home this evening?
Yes, supper for two, Mrs. Traggert.
Very good.
Thank you Mrs. Traggert.
You're welcome.
- Well, how do you .. how do you like it so far dear? - Well, I've only seen the foyer.
Oh, this is the main corp.
Oh, who .. who are they?
Uh, one of them was a maid and the other .. uh .. was the chauffeur.
- John, the chauffeur? - Yes.
Tell me Henrietta, on what basis do you hire your servants?
Efficiency or personal charm?
Both actually. I don't actually hire them.
Mrs. Traggert is in charge of that.
Ehr, Madam would you mind .. letting us through? Harold!
Harold, get the household accounts from Mrs. Traggert immediately ..
and meet me in the drawing room in 10 minutes.
You can finish with the luggage later.
- You may go now, Harold. Yes, Sir.
This is insane. Absolutely astonishing.
I thought it might pursue she keeps it under the mattress.
Look at this Harold.
There are 17 servants in this house including a cook's daughter.
who gets $200 a week as her mother's helper.
The food bill averages at $130 a day.
And there are no receipts.
Miscellaneous: $6,000 a month.
Harold, after dinner ..
I want all the servants in this room ..
and be sure that Mrs. Graham is not present.
Copy this ledger exactly and put it back under the mattress.
Certainly, Sir.
Harold, do you happen to know where the gardening shed is?
Yes, Sir. It's in the back of the garden.
Oh, good ! Well, I guess I would take a stroll around the grounds.
We don't have anything like that, Mr. Graham.
Mrs. Graham wouldn't allow it.
She's a strict believer in the organic method.
But surely some of the most basic pesticides .. arsenic, strychnine .. that kind of thing.
No. A healthy plant in a healthy soil.
That's the organic method.
It works too.
Oh, really?
Well .. if it really works why change it?
Mr. Graham, on behalf of the entire staff I would like to welcome you aboard ..
and drink a toast to your success.
Thank you very much Mrs. Traggert. No, thank you.
No, thank you very much.
Mrs. Traggert, ..
No, thank you.
I would like to say a word, please, Mrs. Traggert.
There's something about you that puzzles me.
Why do you continue on in the arduous position of housekeeper ..
when by investing wisely you can have ..
your own little townhouse in a southern place?
And a guaranteed income for life.
Surely you have to having successfully managed ..
to head the household accounts ..
to the tune of 35,000 tax free dollars per year, for the past 5 years.
You must have salted something away
I'm not including of course ..
the token salary of $800 a week
- 4 ... 4 hundred - Oh.
you receive as mad money.
Mrs. Traggert, you're fired.
I don't understand. I don't know what that means.
It means you are a thief Mrs. Traggert.
On what ground are you making this accusation?
I'm calling you a thief ..
on the basis of the household accounts ..
which you very sensibly you hid under your mattress.
Listen, Mr. Graham, could I speak to you for just one little minute, please?
The time is now 7 minutes past 9 o'clock.
If you are not out of this house by 10 I will call the police.
Shall we synchronize our watches or would you rather go for broke?
Uh, ehr.. You wouldn't like to hear my side of the story?
Alright, alright! I'm leaving.
- Oh, John. - Yes, Sir.
John, do you think we ought to scrap our cars?
Uh?
You see, according to your gas consumption and mileage tracking ..
each car averages 20 miles a day ..
at 1 mile per gallon, while parked in a garage.
It would mean bankruptcy if we actually took them out on the road.
We did those figures wrong ..
by about .. half.
John, do you have a suitcase?
Yes, I have 5. I could always use that one.
Well, 5 would do very nicely, John.
Pack all 5 and be out of this house in 45 minutes ..
or I will shoot you on sight for trespassing.
I don't get it.
I'll try to clarify, John.
You've been fired because you are a cheap crook.
Now, if you are not out of this house and off this ground in 45 minutes ..
I will shoot you, as a trespasser, ..
with proved criminal intentions
and I am an excellent shot. Does that make it clearer?
I quit.
As for the rest of you, you have exactly 2 hours to get out.
Out!
And I do not believe that for one second.
You too Madam.
Henry, there are a lot of strange people in the house, who are they?
Yes. They are not people, Henrietta, they are servants.
I hired them this morning.
No Henry. Mrs. Traggert will be furious.
Mrs. Traggert has been fired along with the rest of the staff ..
so her emotional responses need no longer concern you.
Oh Erica, this is Mrs. Graham.
This is our new housekeeper. She'll be working under Harold.
Henrietta, come, please. Thank you. You may go Erica.
Henrietta, come.
Don't shake hands please.
Don't shake hands with the servants, Henrietta.
It destroys all hopes of any discipline.
- You fired Mrs. Traggert? - Yes, I fired Mrs. Traggert.
- You fired John too? - Especially John.
And they agreed?
We didn't vote on it, Henrietta.
I simply told them they were fired.
Which reminds me ..
How attached are you to Mr. McPherson?
Oh no, oh no Henry.
He's a total incompetent, Henrietta.
Do you have an idea how much money has been spent to run this house?
No, but Andrew knows.
Andrew has co-signed all Mrs. Traggert's cheques.
Really he has his finger on everything.
He co-signed all of Mrs. Traggert's cheques?
Yes. He's very thorough.
- Henry .. - Did .. you .. allow Mrs. Traggert .. to have .. her own chequeing account?
Yes. It was the household account.
She said it would be easier for her.
So .. I .. did.
- Henrietta. - Yes.
Never mind .. I ..
Henrietta, I'll handle the finances from here on in.
Yes.
I would like the bank to issue a statement covering all your accounts ..
and please instruct them that no cheque has to be drawn on any account unless it is cosigned by me.
I can go over your holdings and your federal state tax returns after your ..
afterwards .. afterwards.
There's a peace of cotton, dear.
- Oh, Henrietta - Yes?
I suppose you're absolutely satisfied with the organic method.
Oh, yes. Yes, I am.
- Shut up! - Now Mr. McPherson. I want you to so something about this.
- I didn't get my 2 weeks' notice. - Nobody did.
If a judge sees those salaries ..
he'll clamp you in jail and speck.
A very few chauffeurs make $600 a week.
- $300. You get half.. - From all of us.
I advise you to keep your mouth shut about that.
According to the records I don't take anything at all and don't you forget it.
- Listen, kids. - I'm not a kid. - No, wait a minute
Let him talk.
We've been together for a long time, right?
You've been a great team.
We've had some bad years and good years.
Laughed a little. Cried a little.
A little away together. That's all over.
There's nothing we can do about it.
- Yes, Mary Amy.
The bankcheck called ..
saying that Mr. Graham has instructed them ..
not to issue any fund without his signature.
Henry, you have a B.A. in history.
Oh Henry, how wonderful.
Whom do I know with a gardening shed?
I sprayed them and the krongalle is gone.
What an exciting coincidence.
Have you ever thought of teaching, dear?
There is an instructorship opening this fall, in history ..
and you seem to be absolutely ..
Never!
No, dear?
We could have lunch together in the teachers cafeteria ..
and then every semester we can grade our term papers together in the study.
Henrietta, for the last time. I have no inclination to teach. No! Nothing like this.
How do you know dear, if you've never tried?
Instinct.
Henry.
As well as we finish the accounts and get you ..
and get them out of the way before the end of the week.
He handled the income taxes rather well.
Henry, I wanted to ask you something.
- What? - I wanted to ask you something.
Well, you know that every summer I go on a field trip ..
for my research work.
And .. I was just wondering if this year ..
would it be alright if I went on a field trip.
Field trip? For how long?
Only for a week or two.
I .. I thought I might try a canoe trip on the Adirondack.
It's very lovely there.
It's also so tangled and isolated.
And .. and I usually go with one of my students.
But .. but .. it just occurred to me ..
that this year .. you and I .. may perhaps go together.
- Together? - To the Adirondack.
The Adirondack. Would we need a guide or anyone?
Not if we didn't wander out from our camp.
And I would feel perfectly safe with you there, Henry.
I would feel safe more even than with a guide.
Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?
Sounds like the answer to everything.
- Harold, can I use a suitcase? - I wouldn't do that if I were you, Sir.
I think that carrying a suitcase to the south would prove something of a hazard.
- Well, we get to pack my Cesani. - Yes, Sir.
Mrs. Graham seems to be a most good-natured lady. Sir.
I'm pleased that the marriage is working out so well.
She's not good-natured. She is regressed.
I have never seen such a helpless human being.
Do you remember some weeks ago, Sir, when ..
when you told me that you'd lost all your money?
and you had no skills and no ambitions
Harold, don't forget to pack some compasses and the maps. We will need them.
Yes, Sir. But it seems you do have skills and ambitions.
I mean: look at how you've taken over the house.
You've learned to handle accounts and grapple with taxes ..
and you've tidied up Mrs. Graham.
Oh no,. I forgot to check her before she went to school this morning.
She'll be walking around all day with price tags dangling from her sleeves.
I took the liberty, Sir.
Oh, thank you Harold. Is she free of crumbs?
Some slack sprinklings, Sir, I brushed her up.
My point is, Sir ..
that you have shown the most surprising talent, Sir.
and, although Mrs. Graham helplessness is a little bit irritating at times, ..
couldn't it be in some strange ways, Sir ..
that this very helplessness ..
has been the stimulus of your own amazing new competence.
I mean : very often, Sir ..
you know, what .. what we dislike most in other people ..
is only a reflection about our own inadequacies, Sir.
- and our own shortcomings. - Harold.
why don't you pack the revolver? Please put the flask down Harold.
Put the flask down. Pack .. never mind. Just put the flask down. Put the revolver down.
I hold it. You may go now Harold. Thank you very much.
Yes, Sir.
Henry, Henry, Henry.
Easy, Henrietta. I'll be right down.
- Henry. - I'm here.
Relax. Just easy Catch your breath, That's it.
Relax. Calm down.
Here we are. Sit down.
That's it now. Catch your breath. What is it?
It's been accepted.
My Elsofolo Ignocarti Grahami. They've accepted it.
Try to speak calm, dear. What is it they have accepted?
It's a tropical tree-fern.
And I discovered it during our honeymoon.
and when I couldn't classify it, I thought it might be a true species
But I couldn't believe it, so I sent it to Wagner, ..
the University of Michigan. and Henry, it is. It's a true species.
I've discovered a true species.
Well. It's very nice. Very nice.
Well, well. Now you'll be able to name a whole species, won't you?
Just like .. what's his name?
- Louis de Bougainville. - That's right. Or James Parkinson.
Or .. Brussels' sprouts.
Well, well, well. You've achieved the kind of immortality after all, haven't you?
Now you'll be on all the atlases under L ..
right before Morgan, Muller and Mendel.
It would be cross-indexed under G.
Elsofolo Grahami, for Graham.
For Graham?
You mean that you've discovered a new species and have named it for Graham ..
after doing all your work as Lowell?
You fool. That's not the way to name a species.
Can't you do anything right?
I didn't name it for me, Henry, I named it for you.
Elsofolo Grahami, for Henry Graham.
Well, are you that they'll know .. I mean, that it's me?
Will they have my name in the atlas under .. under G?
For Henry Graham?
Yes, and they'll have it in all the textbooks and in the footnote
In the footnote .. and in the indexes under G.
Well, I have achieved a small slice of immortality myself, haven't I?
As a footnote under G.
Are you pleased, Henry?
Oh yes, very thoughtful of you, Henrietta. I believe I am pleased.
I put a tip of one fern into a plastic token ..
so that you can wear it always. If you want to.
Oh yes. Well, why not? I mean .. it would be a wonderful conversation piece.
"What frond is in your token, Henry?"
"It's my own fern. An Elsofolo Grahami. Why do you ask?"
You like it?
Yes, yes. very attractive, isn't it?
Good lines. I mean .. for a frond.
Don't .. don’t you think it should be under .. under L. I mean ..
Elsofolo Lowellion or something?
I feel as though you've given me your place in the atlases.
Henry, I don't think I could have ever discovered it without you.
You gave me confidence.
You remember? You said that it'd been with you. That's when you gave me confidence.
I was going to be a very confident botanist.
Well, you were right.
Elsofolo Grahami. Well, well, well ..
Henrietta, what happens if you get lost in these woods?
- Well, various things. - Various things such as what?
For example : there is a stream ..
then you would follow the stream.
- Which way? - We would follow the stream upstream.
Henry, I'm having such a wonderful time.
Our entire marriage has been like a long beautiful field trip.
That's nice. That makes me feel better somehow.
- Would you like more Zy11? - No thank you. It's the Zy11 that's attracting them.
It's a repellent.
So they would lead you to believe.
Would you like some more Calamine lotion, dear?
No thank you. It only makes it itch more.
They say that if you don't scratch it itches less.
Well, they're wrong.
It only looks like it itches less because you're not scratching.
One just got me on the bridge of the nose.
Should we put something on it?
No, thank you.
From now on, Henrietta, I'll make the coffee.
Yes, dear.
You're all sticky, Henrietta.
I spilled the honey.
Here, Henrietta.
From now on, dear, I'll make the dinner.
What will I do?
You'll eat.
It seems easier to paddle somehow.
That's because the current get stronger as we approach the rapids.
Look dear, ain't they beautiful?
What?
The rapids.
Those are the rapids?
Yes. Tell me exactly what to do. I'm a very good sailor.
Paddle like hell towards shore.
- What? - Never mind.
Never mind? Never mind.
Do I have to paddle in any particular direction, dear?
Full harder to the left side.
The left side. Full harder.
Henry although we keep pointing to the left side, we seem to be heading towards the bank.
Aahhh. The right side.
The right side.
Henry, how much more you think the rapids go on?
That's odd.
It just seems to stop.
Oh! Henry. Listen. Henry, it sounds like a waterfall.
Oh my God. That's what it is.
The churn stops and becomes a waterfall.
Paddle like hell towards the bank. Towards the bank.
There is no bank. There is just a lot of rocks.
Henry.
I can't ..
I can't swim.
Henrietta, you hold on on to that log until I tell you to let go.
A canoe overturn. I looked desperately through the water but ..
I .. I couldn't find her.
Henry.
And .. if only she had told me she couldn't swim.
If only we had taken a guide.
but she had her heart set on going with me alone.
Alright, Henrietta. I'm ready for you now.
Take a deep breath. Hold your nose and let go.
Henrietta, look. I mean ..
Look. An Elsofolo Grahami.
Elsofolo Grahami.
Up here. In the north forests.
I've lost it. I've lost my token.
I've lost my Elsofolo Grahami.
Henrietta.
Henrietta. Damn it to hell.
Damn, damn, damn ! Nothing ever turns out the way it does ..
when you work a plan. Henrietta. Damn it.
Alright. You may breath now, Henrietta.
You may breath now. Let go your nose.
Now, hold my shoulders. Face me. Hold my shoulders. That's it.
Hold on to them. Alright. Hold them.
Breath. Breath. Through your mouth.
Keep your chin up.. Chin up.
Breath through your mouth. That's it.
And if you taste water, spit it out.
Don't spit on me, Henrietta. Just spit the water out into the river.
That's it. That's it. Now breath. Very good.
Here now. Sit down on the sun and warm up.
Are you still cold?
Well, I'd better hold you. My body should provide some warmth.
Henry. Henry, I'll always be able to depend on you, won't I?
All the rest of my life?
I'm afraid so.
Henry, the history classes are going to be much smaller this year.
Henrietta, I'm not going to teach history.
Probably.
It would seem a shame though, Henry. You are a very talented man.
Are you sure you won't change your mind?
I don't know. I have no manners as far as I can tell.
Are you still cold?
- I'm a little warmer. - Good.
Henry. I know that this isn't exactly what you planned.
What?
But will you mind doing it very much?
Being a history instructor?
And going to the University with you in the mornings?
And .. grading term papers with you in the study every semester?
Not terribly.
Come. I think we'd better go.