(AIR WHOOSHING)
(BELL DINGS)
(BUBBLES BUBBLING)
(SONAR BEEPING)
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M_I_SForEver
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(MARK PANTING)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(RAIN PATTERING)
(TIM GROANS)
Why'd you take him out of school again?
How in the fuck do you think that's okay?
It's been difficult for him there.
He has a hard time with the other kids emotionally.
I really wish we could rethink sending him to Cedar Creek.
You know I can't afford that shit, Carol!
What are you trying to do, just rub it in again?
No, it's just-
- What exactly do you think has changed in the last month?
Since yesterday?
I don't have that kind of money!
Besides, the kid is 10 years old.
He doesn't understand yet
what it means to have emotional problems.
Now, where is that little shit?
(THUNDER CRACKING)
All he does is cost me money!
He doesn't listen to me,
he's got no respect for me
and neither do you!
Goddammit, Carol!
You gotta stop picking him up every time he starts crying.
How's he ever gonna learn?
He's trying.
It is a difficult environment.
You know how withdrawn he can be.
Well, it's probably all the bullshit you spin him.
You can't fill his head with all this nonsense!
I really don't think that-
- I know you don't, Carol, and that's obvious!
I need that boy to have an actual education,
and he's not gonna get it (MARKS SIGHS)
if you keep picking him up from school.
He needs to to learn to not cry.
He needs to learn a little respect.
Now, where is he?
Please.
Tim.
Mark!
Where are you?
Please leave him alone. (FOOTSTEPS THUDDING)
(HATCH CLATTERING)
I know you're up here, kid.
(THUNDER CRACKING)
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC)
(MARK SIGHS)
(SOMBER MUSIC)
(PHONE RINGING)
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(PHONE RINGING)
ALYSSA: Alyssa here.
Listen Alyssa, I know-
- ALYSSA: Thanks for calling.
I'm away right now, but please leave me your info
and I'll call ya back.
Ciao!
(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
Alyssa, listen.
I know what's really going on here.
Okay, I understand the reality of our situation.
You've always been great at coming up with excuses
and disguising the truth.
As a matter of fact, you're so good at it,
sometimes you even fool yourself.
But honestly, I'm astounded at your lack of insight.
You thought your decision was for my benefit?
But you did it for yourself.
You were thinking first and foremost about yourself,
just as everyone always does.
I know part of the reason you decided to leave me
was because you grew tired of me over-analyzing things.
You know what?
You don't have to worry about that anymore
'cause I'm not gonna be around here much longer
'cause I'm gonna- (VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
Fuck!
(MARK CRYING)
Goddamn it!
Who is it?
No one.
It's nothing.
(SIGHS) Then go back to sleep.
(ANDREW SIGHS)
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(SOMBER MUSIC)
(MARK CRYING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hi, Mark.
Hi, Mom.
How are you doing?
Is everything okay?
It's been kind of a long time.
I know.
I'm simply calling to say goodbye.
What do you mean goodbye?
Where are you going?
I'm just leaving,
going out of town.
I'm gonna be gone for a while
and I just wanted to say goodbye.
Oh okay.
What's really going on?
Are you still seeing your doctor?
Nothing.
And yes, I am.
Are you out of your medication again?
Mark?
No, it's nothing like that.
Okay, I'm...
I haven't talked to you for a while
and I just wanted to say
that I'm leaving, okay.
That's all.
I'm praying for you, Mark.
Mom, please.
Don't waste your breath.
CAROL: It's not a waste, Mark.
I know God can help you, if you just-
- What, if I believe?
Yes.
So God's help is predicated on belief?
Does God's existence also work that way?
If people stop believing, he ceases to exist?
Of course not.
I know you don't believe anymore, Mark,
but he still exists.
And he still loves you,
just like I do.
(FAST-PACED SOMBER MUSIC)
Mark?
I don't believe in anything anymore.
I don't wanna argue.
I just wanna say goodbye.
(CAROL CRIES)
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, Mark.
(DRAMATIC TENSE MUSIC)
(GUN CLICKS) (MARK SPUTTERS AND GASPS)
(MARK PANTING)
(TENSE EERIE MUSIC)
(GUN CLICKS) (MARK PANTING)
(EERIE MUSIC)
(GUN CLICKS) (MARK PANTING)
(GUN CLICKING) (MARK PANTING)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(DRAMATIC OMINOUS MUSIC)
(LIGHT COUNTRY MUSIC)
(SIGHS) Yeah, she's a beauty.
Super smooth, quick cylinder rotation.
A lotta stopping power.
An old classic.
That's good.
This should probably work.
So it is for you?
Or your husband?
I mean, if you're married and all.
Yes.
My husband.
Well, that oughta make him happy.
Not likely.
You're gonna need some ammunition, of course, huh?
Yes.
These are self-loaded, hollow point rounds.
I reloaded 'em myself.
But we might, uh, have to keep that on the down-low.
CAROL: Why's that?
Well, they're loaded a little beyond regulation.
And technically I'm not supposed to sell them here.
But I guarantee you, these are what you want.
MARK: Can I help?
No thanks, honey, that's okay.
Go outside and play with Russell, okay?
Okay.
(SOMBER MUSIC)
(CAROL CRYING)
(FAST-PACED SOMBER MUSIC)
(CAROL CRYING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
Goddamn it!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(LIVELY ELECTRONIC MUSIC)
Most people simply underestimate the power of intention.
It's all about The Law of Attraction.
You get what you think about.
You manifest it with your intention and your desire.
It's pretty plain and simple.
All a person needs to do is focus on a positive thing
and a positive thing will happen.
It works the same way with a negative too.
Very true.
My ex, he was so full of negativity.
I couldn't handle it.
Apparently neither could he.
His negativity got him fired from his job
so I had to leave him.
See that's exactly what I mean!
He totally manifested that in his life.
Just have to not let it get you down.
What I like to do is I make a vision board
and on it I put things that are positive and helpful.
And on a quantum level, things will start to shift for you.
(MARK SCOFF)
Excuse me.
Were you rolling your eyes at me?
No.
No, I wasn't.
Yes, you were. I saw you.
(SCOFFS) Fine. I did.
How dare you!
Ma'am, let me ask you a question.
What kind of medication are you here for?
That's none of your business!
Do you wanna know why I was rolling my eyes?
Yes, I do!
Well, then tell me what kind of medication
you're here for.
I will not!
Fine.
Is it insulin?
A diuretic?
It's insulin.
But that's none of your business.
Why do you even need insulin?
Haven't you spent enough time
visualizing yourself getting better?
Why haven't you intended your way right out of diabetes?
Hell, why do you even need a pharmacy?
It's not how it works.
You don't understand!
Next please.
Ma'am?
(WOMAN SCOFFS)
Ma'am.
(WOMAN SIGHS)
People.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(EERIE MUSIC)
(HEAD THUDS)
(DRAMATIC TENSE MUSIC)
(SMOKE ALARM BEEPING)
(JOGGER PANTING)
(DRAMATIC TENSE MUSIC)
(JOGGER PANTING)
OPERATOR: 9-1-1, what is your emergency?
Yes, there's a house on fire!
OPERATOR: Okay, ma'am, what is your vicinity?
(SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING) (FIRE CRACKLING)
That might be too late.
I need to check and see if someone's in there.
OPERATOR: Ma'am, do not go into that house.
Be safe and keep clear.
(JOGGER PANTING)
Hello!
Hello, anyone?
(SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING)
(JOGGER COUGHING) (TENSE MUSIC)
Hello!
Anyone?
Oh, shit.
(GASPS) Oh my God, wake up, wake up, wake up!
(JOGGER GRUNTING AND GROANING)
Come on, your house is on fire!
(MARK GRUMBLING)
Oh Jesus, you're alive (PANTING)!
No, I'm not.
JOGGER: What?
Your house is on fire!
Come on!
(SIGHS) Just leave me here.
What?
No!
We're getting out of here, right now.
Come on!
Oh, geez, you make me do all the work.
(JOGGER SHOUTING AND GROANING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(MARK MOANING)
(JOGGER GROANING)
(PANTING) I don't know if I can do this!
(JOGGER GRUNTING)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(BOTH COUGHING)
(JOGGER COUGHING)
(JOGGER PANTING) (SIREN BLARING)
(JOGGER COUGHING)
(JOGGER PANTING)
(MARK COUGHING)
MARK: What's that (COUGHING)?
You mean the sirens?
The fire department, obviously!
(JOGGER COUGHING)
MARK: What are they doing?
They're coming to put out the fire.
(JOGGER PANTING)
Shit, shit. (TENSE MUSIC)
(MARK GRUNTING)
What are you doing?
(MARK COUGHING)
(JOGGER COUGHING)
What are you doing?
You've been badly hurt!
You need to go to a hospital.
I'm leaving.
Don't try and drive yourself to the hospital!
Let the ambulance take you.
I'm not going to the fucking hospital.
You can't just...
What?
What is wrong with you?
Hey, hey!
(GARBAGE CAN THUDDING)
I just saved your life!
(MARK COUGHING) (TENSE MUSIC)
(MARK VOMITING AND COUGHING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(PHONE VIBRATING)
Fuck.
(MARK PANTING)
Hello?
NURSE SUZANNE: Hello, is this Mark James?
Yeah.
Who's this?
NURSE SUZANNE: This is Suzanne.
I'm a nurse at Good Samaritan Hospital.
I'm calling on behalf of Carol James.
She's your mother, is that correct?
Wait.
What's wrong?
NURSE SUZANNE: I'm sorry to tell you this,
but she's been in a car accident.
She's unconscious, but we have stabilized her.
Mark?
Are you still there?
We would like you to come to the hospital
and fill out some paperwork at your earliest convenience.
And I'm sure she'll wanna see you when she wakes up.
(MARK PANTING)
(HORN HONKING)
Come on!
Put it in back.
- But- - I said put it in the back!
Hey.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Get out of the truck.
Get out of the fucking truck.
Where's Mom?
Follow me.
MARK: That's my homework packet!
This isn't homework.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Your mom's got a lotta issues, kid,
and pharmaceuticals are one of 'em.
You shouldn't be putting too much trust in her.
Shouldn't really trust anyone or anything.
Your mom reads a lotta bullshit.
Don't let her fill up your head with that nonsense.
Look at me!
Anything you believe in is eventually gonna let you down.
You gotta start focusing on what's practical.
Don't put your trust in anything.
Not God, not yourself,
not your artwork, nothin'.
Now, get back in that truck.
(TENSE MUSIC)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(MARK BREATHING HEAVILY)
(DRAMATIC TENSE MUSIC)
(MARK PANTING)
(MARK WHIMPERING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(LOUD THUDDING)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(RADIATOR HISSING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Fuck.
(MARK GRUNTING)
(AIR BAG POPS) (MARK GASPS)
(MARK PANTING)
Fuck.
God!
Fuck!
(MARK GROANS)
(MARK PANTING)
TIM: How could you do that without talking to me?
How in the fuck can you do that?
CAROL: I've tried talking to you.
It was a bad environment.
He needed a better one.
And I told you, I can't afford to send him anywhere else!
Don't you listen?
Or are you too busy paying attention to your own thoughts?
I do pay attention.
I know we can't afford to send him anywhere,
and that's why I'm going to homeschool him.
Well, it still costs money!
Besides, you're gonna teach him?
Yes.
And you think you can do that.
I believe I can.
Highly doubtful.
Besides, he needs the experience
of a regular public school.
I cannot believe you took him out like that
right in the middle of the year.
Goddammit, Carol, we gotta talk about those things.
Again, Tim, I tried talking to you.
Then why don't I remember?
I'm pretty fucking sure I'd remember.
Well, Tim, you were probably drunk.
(SLAP THUDS) Oh!
And that means I wouldn't remember?
(CAROL SCREAMS)
I can't take this anymore!
God.
Stupid bitch.
(FOOTSTEPS CLACKING)
What's this?
We're leaving.
You're leaving?
Where the hell are you going?
To a hotel.
Head on out, honey.
What about Russell?
He'll be fine.
Please go.
Mark!
Stay right there.
You're not going anywhere.
So you think you can leave me just like that, do ya?
Yes.
We need a break.
We can talk about this over the phone.
You need to get some help.
I need to get some help?
Oh, you're the one taking all the pills
and reading all that bullshit.
You don't know what to think, Carol!
Mark, go wait in the car.
- He's not going anywhere! - Oh wait!
- No, let go of his arm. - He's my son isn't-
- You're hurting him!
(CAROL SCREAMS)
(CAROL CRYING)
(CAROL GRUNTING AND PANTING)
Oh.
Where the hell did you get that?
Fine.
Fine, you wanna fuckin' leave?
Go.
Fuckin' go.
You are not gonna do this to us anymore!
I am not gonna let you.
Well, apparently.
(DOOR SHUTS)
(BOTTLE CLATTERING) Fuck!
(BOTTLE CLANKING) (TRAFFIC RUMBLING)
(TENSE MUSIC)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(HORN HONKING)
(MEN GRUNTING)
Goddamn it!
- (MARK GRUNTING) - That was a close one!
Why, why, why, why?
Why, why, why, I saved your life for God sake!
I saved your life.
I didn't ask for it!
What, you were gonna kill yourself?
Looks like you've tried more than once already.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What's your name, son?
It doesn't matter.
Does to me.
You'll forget it eventually
along with this whole conversation,
so it really won't matter.
I see. Is that what you want?
You wanna be remembered?
Let's get up off of the sidewalk, okay?
Come on, I'll buy you a coffee.
I don't think so.
All right.
I remember my daughter's struggle.
About six years ago she was diagnosed
with stage four cancer.
Up until then, she was one of the happiest people on Earth,
but the chemo changed all that.
(SIGHS) She lost perspective.
She was convinced that she was gonna end it all.
And she tried once and failed.
That wasn't a call for help either.
She just wasn't successful.
But in that failed attempt
she found a new perspective.
She realized that her life was worth something
even through the suffering.
She survive the cancer?
Uh, no.
Cancer took her two years ago.
But the important thing is
that she gained the right perspective.
She found a truth that life's worth living
no matter what the circumstances.
(SIGHS)
I don't know you.
I have no idea what you've been through.
But no matter how tough it is,
there are reasons to keep living.
You just have to find the right one.
Human beings have no reason to live
outside biological function.
Anything beyond that is simply fabricated.
Well, that is one sad perspective.
I think you just have to find what's true for you.
It's different for everybody.
So the truth changes depending on your interpretation?
That's not a very complete view of the truth.
But if you're right,
then my interpretation
is that life really isn't worth living.
Maybe you just haven't found the right truth yet.
I'm gonna call you an ambulance.
I don't need one.
MAN: I think it would be a good idea.
I think it'd be a good idea if you just left me alone.
All right.
I can't give you help if you don't want it.
All right?
I hope you find the truth you need.
I already have.
(EERIE MUSIC)
(MARK GROANS)
(FAST-PACED DARK MUSIC)
What the hell are you doin'?
Nothin'. What do you mean?
You keep fuckin' with that thing.
Put it away.
I keep tellin' ya the only way to make this work
is to be ready but not give anything away.
I am.
Not when you're fuckin' around.
You gotta be focused.
You gotta be completely sure of yourself.
I am.
Look, here one comes now.
Oh, this'll be easy, he's already fucked up.
(MEN GRUNTING)
Give it to us.
I said give it to us!
It?
MAN WITH KNIFE: You know what he means.
Actually, I have no idea what he means.
Money, damn it!
Give us your wallet or will gut you like a stuck pig!
(MEN GRUNTING)
I see.
You need a fix, is that it?
Just give us your fucking money you piece of shit.
You want my money so you can further fuck up
your already pathetic lives?
I will cut you.
Fine.
Cut me.
(MARK GRUNTING)
Don't test me!
Your life's in my hands right now.
It's my choice whether you live or die.
No, it isn't.
You'll either kill me or you won't.
We're all just automatons determined to act
in whatever way our dominant needs and desires
compel us to act.
What?
See, life is just a series of reactions
over which we have no control.
So either you'll kill me or you won't.
You really don't get to choose.
Besides, he's holding the knife.
Fucking cut him, man.
(STAMMERS) I don't know, man.
Well, just do it!
Listen to him.
Slit my throat.
You want my money,
and I don't wanna live.
It's a win-win.
Oh, Jesus Christ, how long does this have to take?
(SIREN BEEPING)
Ah shit, it's the cops.
(MARK PANTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Fuck!
(CHILDREN CHATTERING AND SHOUTING)
(MARK SIGHS)
Yeah, let's go up the slide.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(MARK SIGHS)
Mark?
Alyssa just told me about your voicemail.
She's really worried about you.
Why would she tell you?
She said she didn't think it was a good idea
to talk to you and wanted me to.
Okay.
Well, talk.
She let me listen to the voicemail
and we're both pretty concerned.
Why?
She doesn't give a shit.
Well, obviously she does.
So do I.
Are you really thinking of doing it?
Not thinking of.
Doing.
Jesus, Mark!
You're just giving up?
You wouldn't understand.
ANDREW: You're right.
I don't understand.
How could you choose to end your life?
Aren't you at all afraid of what might happen?
No.
But you're afraid, apparently.
See, death isn't a reality to you.
Like most people, you put so much effort
into ignoring and disguising death
that when you encounter someone
who's chosen to embrace it, it's unnerving.
I think you're really choosing to embrace
the easy way out of your problems.
I'm convinced there's a better way.
No, it's not that easy.
Or that simple.
Maybe not.
But I think you'd really be missing out on life
if you just give up.
I am absolutely sure you can get through this.
You have a lot of potential, Mark.
You're not a very empirically-minded person, Andrew.
So you'll forgive me if I don't appreciate your thoughts
on my potential.
And you're a fairly close-minded person, Mark.
Close-minded?
Are you fucking kidding me?
You're so sure of your perception of reality
and its bleak nature that you've decided
the only thing to do is to leave it.
And you believe whatever you're prompted to believe
at any given moment without any doubt.
That's close-minded, Andrew.
At least I understand that in my conclusions
there's always room for new information.
You're always so absolute with yours.
Well, I think your conclusion is unrealistic.
Honestly, Mark, I don't wanna have
another philosophical argument.
I just wanna help.
Well, you can't, okay?
You don't understand my situation.
And you clearly don't know what it's like
to have doubts about life because you trust your intuition
more than you trust facts.
Well, that's something you can't seem to do,
trust your intuition.
(SIGHS) I do think you can get through this.
I'm convinced you can do anything you set your mind to.
Okay.
You know how much I hate inane platitudes.
I'm done talking to you.
No, wait, Mark.
Where are you?
Let me pick you up.
I don't think so, Andrew.
You don't care about me that much
otherwise you wouldn't be sleeping with Alyssa.
What?
Did she tell you that?
Heh, you two are so much alike.
You called me to make yourself feel better.
ANDREW: That's not true.
(THUD)
(MARK GRUNTING)
Shit!
Christ, kid, that was close.
(MARK SIGHS)
Sammy, you scared me to death!
You can't go running off like that.
Are you okay?
Oh, come here.
Thank you so much.
It's... it's no problem.
(MARK GRUNTING)
Are you all right?
You look pretty beat up.
I'm fine.
I just had a little accident is all.
Wow.
Well, I'm really grateful you saved Sammy
from a big accident!
Really, it's no problem.
Well, do you live around here?
Yeah, not far.
Are you sure you're okay?
Do you need any help?
No, I'm fine.
Well good (LAUGHS).
How long have you lived here?
Do you like it?
Yeah, it's fine.
I've been here for several years now-
- Oh, good!
I'm asking because I don't know many people here,
and I wanna make sure it's a good place for me and my son.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother you,
but do you like it enough to stay?
Do you think you'll live here a long time?
Yeah, not much longer.
Oh really?
Why is that?
Look, I've gotta go, okay?
I'm sorry.
Oh, okay, no problem.
Well, I can't thank you enough for rescuing Sammy.
Oh, you're a hero!
(GIGGLES)
ANDREW: Did you tell him we were sleeping together?
No.
He was always able to figure out my secrets.
ANDREW: So, you didn't say anything?
No.
Besides, I don't think that's the main problem here.
Okay.
You're right.
I'm going to see if I can find him.
That's a good idea.
He's not thinking clearly.
He really needs some help,
and I'm going to do my best to get him some.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
(ALYSSA SIGHS)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(MARK BREATHES DEEPLY)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(MARK GRUNTS)
(CAROL PANTING)
(CAROL CRYING) (GUN CLICKING)
(SOMBER MUSIC)
(CAROL CRYING)
(MARK PANTING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING) (UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC)
Thank you. Nice beer.
♪ It is said and done ♪
Very good. Yeah.
I don't remember.
♪ When it comes to betting some ♪
♪ And everything's undone ♪
Don't have enough steak knives at home?
MARK: No.
Wow, what happened to you?
Looks like you got in a fight.
Something like that.
Kinda looks like you lost too.
I'm gonna have to ask you for that knife back.
Just leave me the fuck alone!
Wait! Gimme that knife and get out!
(MARK PANTING)
(LOUD KNOCKING)
Open the door!
(LOUD KNOCKING)
MANAGER: Sir, you need to open the door.
I can't fucking believe this!
(LOUD POUNDING)
MANAGER: Open the goddamn door!
(LOUD POUNDING)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(DOOR CLATTERING)
(MARK PANTING)
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
You are not killing yourself in my restaurant!
(MARK GROANING)
(BOTH STRUGGLING)
(MARK GRUNTING)
(PANTING) Why can't I just be fucking left alone?
I don't know what kinda problems you have, buddy,
but you don't need to bring them here.
Mom, call the police.
Hi, yes, there's a man threatening us
and trying to steal from our restaurant.
(MEN GRUNTING)
Ow!
(GASPS) Shit!
(MARK PANTING)
Hey, come back here!
(MARK PANTING AND GRUNTING)
(EERIE MUSIC)
(MARK SCREAMING)
(MARK SIGHING)
(TRUCK RUMBLING)
(TIM SIGHS)
(TIM GRUNTING)
Hey, Mark, it looks like our new apartment
will take pets.
So we can go home and get Russell now.
MARK: Really?
Yes, let's go.
- Come on. - Okay.
I'm sorry.
(TIM CRYING)
When we get there, I have a few things
to grab and then I'll talk to your father
about getting Russell, okay?
Okay.
Sounds good.
(TIM CHUCKLES)
Oh oh.
Oh.
(SLOW SAD MUSIC)
(TIM SNIFFLES)
(RUSSELL WHIMPERING)
(SOMBER MUSIC)
You need to stay in the car when we get home.
Okay?
All right.
Don't get out of the car.
(DRAMATIC SAD MUSIC)
We have no hope without God.
Our perspectives on ourselves,
on reality, on love
are all skewed.
Our perspectives are skewed
by our fallen, human nature.
But we're not left to our fallen nature.
God gives us the hope and the guidance that we need.
He has provided us with the truth
through his son Jesus
and through his Word.
If left to our own devices,
if we ignore God's truth,
we will always end in failure and tragedy.
But no matter what tragedy we may experience,
no matter how much we or those around us may fail,
God will not abandon us.
We simply have to trust him
and listen to his voice.
For God is the one who made us,
so naturally he is the only one who knows what's best.
Frequently, we turn to our own wisdom to save us,
but our wisdom is not wise.
Even though we think that we know ourselves,
we think that we know what's best for ourselves,
we haven't got a clue.
We are easily deceived.
Now, the prophet Jeremiah knew this very well.
As he said, in 17:9,
"The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately wicked.
Who can know it?"
(PHONE VIBRATING)
Hello?
CAROL: Hi, Mark.
Mom?
I thought you were unconscious.
CAROL: I was.
I'm actually okay now.
I was in a car accident.
The light turned red really quickly
and I was going too fast to stop.
I'm glad to hear you're awake.
CAROL: Yes, and there's no permanent damage.
I have a few broken bones and scrapes and bruises,
but it could have been a lot worse.
Thank God.
That's good.
CAROL: How are you?
You sound okay.
I was really concerned.
Mark?
Are you okay?
Not really.
CAROL: What's going on?
I don't really wanna talk about it.
But...
I'm glad to hear that you're doing all right, though.
CAROL: Can you come and see me?
I'll be here overnight.
I wanna see you.
I don't think I'm gonna make it in.
CAROL: Please, Mark.
I'd really like you to come.
I'm sorry, I just can't.
CAROL: What is going on, Mark?
I'm afraid of what you're going to do.
I have to go.
I love you.
CAROL: I love you!
Don't go, Mark. (SOMBER MUSIC)
Come and see me, please.
I'm sorry, Mom.
CAROL: Mark?
Mark?
BUDDHIST TEACHER: You've had a rough day.
Let me help you.
I'll get you some bandages and liniments if you follow me.
No.
Thank you.
BUDDHIST TEACHER: Okay.
I'll bring them out here.
No, please, look...
I don't need anything.
BUDDHIST TEACHER: Are you sure?
You look like you could use some help.
(MARK SIGHS)
Yeah, I'm sure.
I'll be on my way.
Hey, hey, hey. (MARK GRUNTS)
It's okay.
May I ask what happened?
I had an accident.
Couple of accidents.
Were they accidents?
More or less.
You were trying to kill yourself.
Unsuccessfully.
Sometimes it's good to be unsuccessful then.
I'm not so sure.
I'd be in a lot less pain if I were successful.
Perhaps but you would also be leaving behind
all the wonder and awe that life provides.
Life does not provide me with those things.
Maybe you just don't know how to see them?
Or maybe they don't exist!
Maybe they're purely psychological inventions
that act as buffers against a meaningless existence.
Does existence require meaning?
Maybe this desire for meaning
leads to suffering.
And that suffering can be reduced
when we realize the truth of impermanence.
Oh yes.
Impermanence.
All experiences are temporary.
But that means that happiness and contentment
are also temporary,
along with every other experience.
True, but the concept of impermanence
is more about not identifying yourself
with how you feel,
or your past, or any permanent conception of self.
We are not the darkness we experience
or what we've been labeled.
The past does not determine who we are.
There is a way to move beyond it,
to really live in the present moment.
The present affords me nothing but misery.
May be wise to seek the help of a therapist.
I personally know a great one.
She's very thorough, the deepest thinker I know.
You'd probably get along well with.
Let me grab you her card
and uh...
and some water.
Huh?
I'll be right back.
(EERIE MUSIC)
Thank you.
The sermon was wonderful, thank you.
Yeah.
(PASTOR SPEAKS FAINTLY) Okay.
Well, what do you think?
I thought it was nice.
I'd like to keep going.
You liked it?
Did you agree with what he was saying?
Yes, well, maybe not everything,
but I thought it was a nice sermon,
and what Harold said really made sense.
Who's Harold?
That's the name of the pastor.
Oh.
Yeah, it didn't really make sense to me.
CAROL: Oh really?
What do you mean?
I didn't like what Jeremiah said.
You know, about the heart being deceitful and wicked.
Well, Mark, I think it's better to rely
on God's truth than to rely on ourselves.
That was the point he was trying to make.
I know.
I just didn't like it.
Well, we're going to keep coming here, Mark.
So, you better learn to like it.
Fuck!
(LIGHT JAZZY ELEVATOR MUSIC)
Is it going up?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
Which floor?
Oh, 10, thanks!
(LIGHT JAZZY ELEVATOR MUSIC) You wanna pet him?
Have a great day!
(GENTLE MUSIC)
(SHOWER SPLASHING)
(SOMBER MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC SOMBER MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC EMOTIONAL MUSIC)
- (LOUD THUDDING) - Oh shit!
(MARK GROANING) Oh, hey!
Are you okay, man? (MARK GRUNTING)
Hey, hey. (PIERCING BEEPING)
Oh God!
What happened to you? (MARK COUGHING)
You got a window?
Did you fall out of a helicopter?
Oh God.
(MAN SHOUTING)
Let me call an ambulance, all right?
You see, stay right there. (MARK GRUNTING)
Hello?
(MARK GRUNTING)
I'm gonna call you
Hey, hey, come on.
(MARK SHOUTING)
Come on, come on.
You okay?
Hey, hey.
Hey, look at me, hey.
Please.
(PIERCING BEEPING FADES)
I just need it to be over.
Okay (PANTING).
Listen, I don't know what happened to you.
We're gonna call an ambulance, okay?
(MARK GRUNTING)
Okay.
Just come with me.
There we go.
There you go, buddy.
All right.
Come on.
Oh God, hold on.
Okay.
Yes.
(LIGHT JAZZY ELEVATOR MUSIC)
Yeah, we need an ambulance.
(MARK THUDDING) (MARK GROANING)
Oh God.
Okay, okay.
You okay?
Wait.
It's all right.
Come on.
- (PHONE RINGING) - Oh.
Hey babe.
Did you find Mark?
No.
I couldn't turn him up anywhere.
His place had caught on fire.
They're still cleaning up the mess.
Wow, oh my God.
Yeah, I couldn't believe it.
I think he tried to burn it down himself.
It honestly wouldn't surprise me.
Poor Mark.
ANDREW: I know.
I'm actually almost back.
Okay.
Did you leave the door open?
The door?
Yes, to the balcony.
Did you open it?
ANDREW: Nope.
That's odd. It's open.
Well, I didn't open it.
Maybe you just forgot.
No, I did not open it and forget.
Okay. Well, maybe I did it.
I don't remember.
Hmm.
I just had this bizarre thought.
Oh well, it doesn't matter.
I'll let you go.
Okay.
I'll see you soon.
(MIMICKING DRUMMING)
♪ And I'm still here despite my wishes ♪
♪ Bloody in the ditches ♪
♪ Every time that I ♪
(MEN GRUNTING)
The ambulance should be here soon.
(MEN PANTING)
Where are you going?
I'm leaving.
No, no, man.
Hey, we can help!
(MARK GRUNTING)
Leave me alone.
I'm sick and tired of people getting in my way.
I was just trying to help.
I don't want
your fucking help!
(LIVELY MUSIC)
♪ Failed enough to get by ♪
♪ And I'm still here ♪
- ♪ Despite my wishes ♪ - Holy shit.
♪ Bloody ♪
(MARK GRUNTING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(MARK GRUNTING)
Holy shit, Mark!
Are you okay?
MARK: What do you think?
You don't look okay!
That's because I'm not.
ANDREW: Holy shit, Mark!
Yeah, you said that already.
Well, what happened? (MARK GRUNTING)
I unsuccessfully used Alyssa's balcon... balcony
as an escape from the misery of life.
Holy shit!
We have to get you to the hospital.
(MARK GRUNTING)
That is not where I wanna be.
I don't care. You're going.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Fucking fantastic.
Oh, come on, man.
Help me out.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
I hate the hospital.
I don't wanna go.
That's not an option.
MARK: Yeah, sure it is.
It isn't.
(MARK GRUNTING)
(MARK GROANING)
You know, Mark,
I've known Alyssa a lot longer than you.
She told me how you and her weren't doing so well one night
and I tried to comfort her.
Oh, by fucking her?
It's not worth killing yourself over.
That's not why.
Then why?
I tried explaining it to you.
(MARK PANTING)
Life has no meaning.
(MARK GROANING)
And I don't derive value from anything.
I put all my faith into something
that I now realize is completely false (GRUNTS).
Everything that I thought gave life meaning is gone.
(MARK GRUNTS)
And now I have nothing.
(SOMBER MUSIC)
(HANDCUFF CLATTERS)
(MARK SIGHS)
LISA: How are you feeling?
I'm in pain, but it's manageable.
I'm glad to hear that.
My name is Lisa.
I'm the resident social worker here.
You'll be going in for surgery
as soon as there's an OR available.
The doctor believes you may have some internal bleeding
due to some fractured ribs.
We're a little under-staffed and full of patients today,
but they'll get you in as soon as possible.
In the meantime, I'm going to ask you a few questions
to help determine why you're in here today, okay?
Well, if you have to.
Not going anywhere.
I do.
Andrew said he believes you tried to kill yourself today.
It looks like he was correct?
Yes.
LISA: Was this your first attempt?
More or less.
LISA: Are you on any medications?
I was.
For depression?
Are you seeing a therapist?
I was.
But I stopped a while back.
You stopped taking your medication
and you stopped seeing your therapist?
My problems were existential,
not medical.
Sometimes medication can soften the burden
of our existential crises.
And therapy can also be quite helpful in that regard.
Well, it wasn't.
LISA: Why not?
Because I couldn't afford a therapist of my choosing.
I had to see a Christian therapist
that my mom paid for.
And you're not religious?
Are you?
LISA: My personal beliefs are unimportant right now.
Oh, they're incredibly important.
They motivate you to do what you're doing.
I'm not religious.
Well.
I was.
But not anymore?
There was too much in Christianity that bothered me.
I couldn't ignore all of its problems.
What problems?
Poorly structured values, self-deceit.
The acceptance of rather questionable ideals
and inward torment labeled as holy.
Inward torment?
Sure.
The self-loathing.
The introverted cruelty developed
through a tradition of self-shaming.
At the very core of Christianity is the belief
that human beings are such unworthy, vile creatures
that a blood sacrifice of a god is the only way
for them to become acceptable.
And whoever doesn't believe that
is doomed to an eternity of agony.
I... it's disgusting.
I was forced into religion as a child,
but eventually I found a belief in God did offer
a kind of comfort that didn't exist anywhere else.
But that comfort didn't last long.
I began to realize the belief in God
didn't hold up to logical scrutiny.
It takes a lot of fortitude to be objective
about one's own beliefs.
Not everyone can do that.
I'm not sure it's done me much good.
I see the deception inherent in faith,
but logic only takes one so far.
And faith has no equivalent.
There isn't anything to give life meaning.
It obviously lacks intrinsic value.
And if a person loses all value and meaning,
and all their relationships fail,
and they have nothing to turn to,
then why should they go on living
in such a miserable state?
Suicide is the most logical outcome.
What about creating your own value?
Life can be miserable and relationships can fail,
but it is possible to live a meaningful life
and to have value.
You now have the opportunity to build your own foundation
and create your own values.
Once you're able to do that,
your perspective on relationships
and everything else in life can change.
You can have a will to life that isn't dependent
on anyone or anything outside yourself.
Unfortunately for me, it doesn't matter.
I've exhausted all my resources.
And I don't think there's any value to be found.
I'm not talking about discovering value
as if it's hidden somewhere.
I'm talking about deciding what's worth
spending your time on and what brings you joy.
This takes a lot of work.
But in my experience, everyone who actually sticks with it
and gets the assistance they need
ends up coming out of their depression
and finding that life is valuable and worth living.
I just don't have the capacity to hope for that.
Don't hope.
Hope is a distraction.
It leaves us waiting for some magical escape
or divine intervention.
I'm talking about taking your experiences
and learning from them.
You have to put in conscious effort
and do the practical things that'll help you
get through this time.
Like what?
Like medications, talk therapy.
There are state-assisted programs
that can help you with that.
Also, meditation and exercising
tremendously reduce depression and improve wellbeing.
There are a number of things that can help you
get into a healthier mindset.
Once you find the right balance,
you can figure out what really matters to you
and create a meaningful life for yourself.
You don't have to rely on anyone else's value structure.
You can create your own values.
You are capable of that.
Sorry for the wait, but it's time to see
if we can get your insides all fixed up.
(SOMBER MUSIC)
I could hear it in his voice.
So could I.
I knew what he was thinking.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
I still can't believe he used my balcony.
I just feel so awful.
I wish there was something I could have done.
Me too.
Do you know how long the surgery will take?
I'm sure it won't (HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
take too long.
He has a really great doctor.
He should be just fine.
I really hope so.
(CAROL CRYING)
He's all I have.
I don't know what I'd do without him.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
I really wish I could have given him a better life.
Maybe I forced too much on him,
especially when he lost his father.
I didn't know what else to do.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
How did it get to this?
You can't blame yourself for any of this.
I'm not so sure.
I think I failed him pretty miserably.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
You talked to him.
What did he say?
He went on about not believing in anything,
not finding meaning in life,
saying it didn't have any value.
He seemed pretty lost.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
I tried getting through to him
and showing him the right way.
And I've tried showing him God's love.
(FAST-PACED SOMBER MUSIC)
He never really seemed to understand what that meant.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
He may need more time in order to see that love.
Whenever I tried getting through to him,
he'd reject everything I had to say.
He insisted he didn't need my help
but he seemed to have given up all hope.
(HEART MONITOR BEEPING)
(HEART MONITOR ALARM BEEPING)
We have to have hope for Mark
and trust that someday he'll find the hope he needs
to carry on.
(HEART MONITOR ALARM BEEPING) (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING)
(SOMBER MUSIC)
(EERIE MUSIC)
(FAST-PACED DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC)
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
(LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC)
(LIVELY CLASSICAL OBOE MUSIC)
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(LIVELY CLASSICAL OBOE MUSIC)
(LIVELY CLASSICAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
(LIVELY CLASSICAL OBOE MUSIC)
(LIVELY CLASSICAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
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(BUBBLES BUBBLING)
(SONAR BEEPING)