[peaceful music playing]
- [Ron] You get married right now,
pick a quarter outta your pocket and flip it.
Because that's the chances of your marriage
making it right there.
We are supposed to protect our kids,
which is one of the problems with
young ladies going to college, moving out,
and getting their own apartment.
They lose that protection.
They're kinda out on their own and fending for their selves.
I don't think that's the way God has it planned.
We don't want our children to have
to experience the pain of divorce.
And that's why we have committed
our lives to the courtship process.
We wanna stack it in their favor
instead of just having a coin tossed
when they say 'I do.'
[birds chirping]
[upbeat music playing]
- I mean, if you're gonna be interested in courtship,
and that's what you plan for your girls,
you're gonna do something different than dating,
start now, teach them that courtship is normal.
That this is the normal way to do it
and that dating is the un-normal way to do it.
[upbeat music playing]
- Most likely, Savannah's not gonna go to college.
- No, I've already made the decision.
I'm not going to college.
[laughter]
- Her mindset is: I'm not gonna go to college,
I'm not gonna get a degree. I'm gonna get married,
I'm gonna have a family, I'm gonna be a mom,
and I'm gonna be a housewife,
and I'm gonna be a helpmate to my future husband.
- Having the protection of a man is safe
and women, it was Eve that was deceived.
I've seen women who are living out on their own
and they're very much out of balance.
- So what do you do, we don't know God's plan, I mean,
to say that she's going to have a husband and be a mom,
we don't know those things for sure.
She could be let down too if that doesn't happen.
So how do you--
- [Dawn] That is the direction that you go in,
because you know that that's God's plan
for a man and a woman to come together and get married.
Now, it doesn't happen all the time,
and if it doesn't, what?
- I mean, I am very happy here right now,
and I don't want it any other way.
- She's planning on being a wife
and a mother, and that's what she's training for,
and if she picks up a career after that, that's secondary.
Other than that, the plan is that they will be with us
until we walk 'em down the aisle.
[upbeat music playing]
- Dear Heavenly Father, it's so great to be your daughter.
Thank you so much for these girls.
They are so precious to me.
I ask for you to give them confidence today
that whatever they do, they are doing it for you.
[upbeat music playing]
So step, kick, step,
kick, step, kick, step.
I think that marriage is crucial.
Beautiful, good!
Who loves Jesus? Go next!
My heart has been asking for a long time,
"Where's my husband?"
Even since I was probably a young teenager.
Good! Keep that spine straight! Yes, good!
I was searching, like probably most people,
searching just for something that would last.
Somebody who would really love me deeply
and accept me no matter what,
and I was not finding that in dating relationships.
* Here's my crown, Lord Jesus *
* I lay it down before you
I was seeking direction from God of what
I thought he wanted me to do to find a husband.
That's when I started learning
for the first time about courtship.
It definitely gives me a sense of security.
If I do meet someone that I think would be a good mate,
I would ask him then to meet with Ron.
- [Ron] 20 feet.
- [Dawn] 20?
- [Ron] 17, 14,
12, 6
Ground zero for the container should give you
an interesting look at the inner workings
of this type of bridge.
- [Dawn] Okay, so-- - [Ron] It's down, it's not up
[Ron grunts]
- [Kelly] I started babysitting
for Ron and Dawn right after college.
- [Ron] [grunting] There we go, oh, I could reach that!
Now we're talkin'!
- [Kelly] They were also from the south, like me,
so I had a kindred spirit with them.
- [Ron] Alright, there we go! [grunting]
The things we do for geocaching.
[glass breaking] Oh, glass, great.
There are bugs.
Watch out for that piece of metal there.
Oh, and what's that?
[laughing] We gotta-- found it!
There you go.
Be stealthy!
What do we got?
- Not very much stuff in there.
- [Ron] Let's sign the log book
and let me get it back down in there.
This is very, very public right here.
- [Kelly] As I was babysitting with them,
we would chat after they got home.
- [Ron] [grunts] There we go. [grunts]
- We were talking one day about courtship,
and I told them that I would love to do courtship.
- She said, "I've been praying for several years
for spiritual parents and I was wondering if you and Dawn
would be the spiritual parents for my courtship."
I felt it was a very serious subject
and needed very serious attention,
so I told her what I'd do is I'd pray about it.
What do you think about what I was telling her?
I told Dawn, I said, "I don't see how we could really
do this for real and not have Kelly under our roof."
- So we were praying about it,
we talked about it a couple of times,
and I knew that was wisdom on my husband's behalf.
- We invited Kelly to move in here
and she's been living with us for seven years.
Pleasure to meet ya, how ya doin'?
- [Man] Nice to meet you! Good, yeah!
Doing alright! - [Ron] Good, good, good!
So if we find out that there's a young man
that's interested in Kelly, he needs to come through me.
What I was looking for with this meeting is we just
get to know each other a little more
and interact a little bit, just so we've got a relationship
that we can decide where to go from here.
I love meeting new people, and that is a really cool thing
about this position that I have, 'cause I get
to meet all these really cool guys!
Single, I take it? - [Man] Yeah
- [Ron] Ever been married?
- Nope, never been married.
- [Ron] A lot of times I will meet with the young man
and Kelly doesn't even know it.
I was just kinda curious, what are you looking for?
- Yeah, I dunno, just somebody
who's spiritual and loves God and that's central.
- [Ron] Kelly and I have had numerous conversations
and extensive conversations about what she's
looking for, what's important to her.
You ever watch Glenn Beck?
- Bits and pieces a little bit, yeah.
- Obama playing around with Israel..
whaddaya think about that?
Would you be comfortable with a homosexual elder
that wasn't practicing?
- [Man] Yeah, I would be.
Yeah, I would be.
- He's a good guy.
Really nice guy.
It's not gonna work.
Alright, awesome. - [Man] Very good.
- [Ron] Stay blessed, my friend.
- [Man] Thanks. - See ya!
The way we actually find the guy is...
is very interesting. [chuckles]
We live our life normally,
following what we believe is God's will in our life.
We don't go guy-shopping.
We are waiting for God to put the circumstances together.
They key for us is we just live a normal life
and then we let God handle the rest.
[vacuum running]
- When we decided to let Kelly move in,
Ron and I made a commitment
she would live here until she married.
If I was a guy, and I was single, I would marry her.
She is so willing to hear God
and to be who He wants her to be.
Who could not want that for a wife?
[Kelly clucks]
- Over the years, Ron has met
with different people who have come
on suggestions to him, but there has never
been one who I've been interested in
who has also been interested in me.
Alright, ladies.
Lay some good eggs for us.
[upbeat music playing]
- It's called my keepsake book
because it has everything I want to do
when I grow up and stuff.
This is me and my husband courting.
This is my wedding.
That's me, and that's my husband.
And then, this is my honeymoon.
- They've been working on those notebooks for years.
- This one is for the Civil War wedding.
Kinda copied a dress from that period.
The engagement ring.
- [Dawn] What kinda stone do you have?
- [Savannah] Traditional. - [Dawn] Diamond?
- [Savannah] Yup. - [Dawn] Yeah.
- This is me with my 20 kids and their kids.
This is the wedding dress number two.
- [Dawn] This is the Civil War wedding?
- [Savannah] Yes. - [Dawn] Where's your husband?
- [Savannah] Right there!
- [Dawn] Is he gonna wear a confederate uniform or...?
- You bet! [Dawn laughs]
Otherwise I won't marry him! [laughter]
- When you are born a girl, it doesn't matter
whether you give a little girl all the guns
and G.I. Joes in the world,
she's still gonna dream about her wedding day.
It's just part of being a girl.
We have the hormones, we have the makeup, it's who we are.
- [Ron] We work very hard to instill purity
into our two little girls.
One of the big things in our family
is the first kiss will be with your husband.
The first kiss will be on the altar.
- If I give away my first kiss
before I give it to my husband,
then I won't be giving him everything.
It's kinda like a treasure
and it's not to just be given away to anybody.
- We have integrated this into them
since they were young, just babies in my lap.
- I think I know where it is. - [Dawn] Okay.
- [Ron] One of the first books that was ever read to 'em
was The Princess and the Kiss.
- "Long ago, in a wonderful castle,
a beautiful princess was born.
When the princess was finally grown,
the royal couple gave their daughter
a very special gift from God, her first kiss.
'God gave this gift to you on the day you were born,'
said the Queen, 'because he loves you so dearly.
But use wisdom, my daughter,' warned the King,
'and save your kiss for the man you will marry.
Never part with it for the sake of a stranger.'"
He's telling her to save it for her husband
because he knows how important it is
to be good to your husband all the days of your life.
That's even before you meet your husband.
It's all the days of your life.
The stuff that you're doing now
matters to your husband.
"The next day, a common man came to the castle.
He asked to see the princess.
'I have little to offer you, princess.
But I do have one very special gift I can give you.
This is my first kiss, princess.
I have saved it all my life for you.
Would you be my wife?'
On the day of their wedding, they exchanged their kisses,
and God and all the kingdom sang for happiness."
- [Annika] Kelly's crying.
- [Dawn] She's crying? [laughing]
- It's just so sweet.
The very first kiss.
Not many people can say that.
- [Dawn] It's a treasure.
- I am saving my next kiss,
but it makes me so sad
that I don't have my very first kiss to give.
It's already given.
- [Dawn} Yeah,
and you can't get it back.
[upbeat music playing]
- Kelly's period of dating and the fact that she has
given away her first kiss has definitely impacted her.
These are areas in her life that she has given away
to another man that she can not give to her husband.
Dawn and I have to deal with that.
We gave away our first kiss to other people.
That would be so awesome
if I had saved it for her.
If I had known to save it for her.
If I had even known that that would be so important.
Didn't happen, but we're changing that.
We're changing that through our kids,
and they don't have to carry that through their life.
- Daddy and I will
be guarding your gate.
We're not gonna let a wolf or a lion come in.
Okay?
[upbeat music playing]
[birds chirping]
[upbeat music playing]
- [Kelly] About a year ago, I was at a party,
and a friend introduced me to a young man.
He was raised with courtship, he was home schooled.
Didn't have a whole lot of interaction until recently.
He commented on a post
I made on Facebook about courtship.
He was asking me questions about my past,
about my dance classes.
It was pretty exciting to find that Ross
seemed to be showing interest in me.
So, right now we're still at the friendship stage and it's okay,
but where's this leading here?
There is something I've been wanting to talk
to you guys about.
Just let you know that I've been thinking about this
one friend of mine quite a bit.
[upbeat music playing]
- This is gonna be a fine line here and it's gonna be
a careful thing you're gonna have to go over.
The important thing is, we wanna see,
if God wants to do something with this,
then I will need to step in and talk to him
and go through your list and see
where he stands against your list.
- Yeah.
- You're not stalking him or anything, are you?
- I haven't stalked him for a while. [laughter]
I stalked him, I have been guilty of stalking him, yes.
- Just relax and guard your heart.
Don't try on his name.
He's a brother in the Lord right now.
A brother in the Lord.
We'll just take this one step at a time.
We'll just see how God unfolds it.
I think we need to invite him over
and see what happens.
[classical music playing]
- Whenever we have a young man
of marriageable age come over into the house,
there are those thoughts that kinda come through my head.
"How am I gonna act?
How am I gonna guard my heart?"
I think the natural thing for any woman is to just get crazy.
It's really hard to control those emotions
and to control the desire to wanna look pretty.
The desire to wanna be noticed.
I think it's a huge step to be vulnerable.
[doorbell rings]
- [Dawn] Ron...
Hey! - [Ross] Hello!
- [Dawn] Come in, come in!
- [Kelly] Hello! - [Ross] Hi, Kelly!
Dawn. - [Dawn] You're Ross?
- [Ross] Yes! - [Dawn] And...
- [Man] Hello, I'm Paul.
- [Dawn] Paul! Nice to meet you!
- [Ross] You too!
Yeah, we were delayed getting out, so it was, pretty..
- [Paul] Well, there was an accident there or something.
- Yeah, and traffic was bad in places.
- [Kelly] But you found it alright?
- Mm-hm!
- Want some candy corn?
- God, thank you so much for bringing Ross and Paul
and letting 'em spend the evening with us.
We acknowledge that you provide for us
and you continue to provide for us
and man, we really appreciate that.
We love you, amen.
- [Everyone] Amen.
[clapping]
- [Kelly] Salt? - [Man] Yeah, that'd be great.
- [Dawn] Okay, I'll just pass them along.
- [Kelly] Picky, picky! - [Dawn] There you go.
- [Ron] It's gonna be a full table.
- [Dawn] That'll make it easier.
And he just, he ate the rest of it! [laughs]
- [Ross] This is really good meat.
- You guys have at least one other brother, and how many--
- [Ross] Two other brothers, two sisters.
- [Ron] You were raised in courtship, right?
- Yeah, through the books that were,
the books that were around the house.
The way mom and dad talked about things,
you don't start something until you're ready
to move it forward to marriage.
Whenever you meet-- you meet a girl who's about your age,
you start thinking, "I wonder if you're
wife material," basically. [laughter]
And then I'd always wondered about,
because the guy is supposed to be initiating
and approaching the girl, I wonder,
it must just be really frustrating to be the girl,
'cause you just don't have anything to do!
[laughter]
- It's nice, actually.
- The focus on your future family, where...
[calm music playing]
- [Kelly] I was working really hard to guard
my heart, because there were the emotions.
It's really important to me that the guy pursue me,
and I respect that a guy is a leader and a pursuer.
And that's what I want.
I really want him to make kinda the bold first steps.
[uplifting music playing]
[baby cries]
- If you get involved in sin it can grab
a hold of you and then you could be drawn away
and decide not to follow Christ.
- The marriage is a picture of Christ and His church,
so just the same way that a bride would prepare
for being a wife someday, prepare for her husband,
prepare for the marriage, we as a church
are to be preparing for Christ coming.
[upbeat music playing]
- Are you planning on doing courtship
and saving your first kiss for the altar?
- Well, I've grown up with that,
so that's what my dad holds to,
so that's what I would hold to too, so...
- Right, 'cause your first kiss means more
than just if you give it away a lotta times,
'cause if you give it away, it just really
means nothing if you give it away like ten times.
- Thinking someone is handsome is not, like...
it's not wrong, you know?
- [Woman] That's perfectly normal.
- And you gotta remember,
if they're your brother in Christ,
treat them as your brother.
- Most unchristian girls would
talk about their boyfriends right now. [laughter]
- Here we are talking about our first kisses,
which haven't been given away yet.
[laughter]
- So much more beautiful experience
than the way we were raised and what we did.
- When I first met Dawn, the relationship
was totally built on convenience and physical attraction.
We didn't know anything about each other and we got married
and we had a very rocky road to begin with.
That went all the way up to about the three-year mark,
where we actually, Dawn and I
actually had an emotional divorce.
We didn't leave each other, we were still co-habitating,
but emotionally, we were totally divorced.
We were never instructed on how to find a good mate.
We went through a lotta pain that
we did not have to go through.
So, yeah, we found ourselves through a dating relationship,
but that's what we don't want our kids to go through.
We don't want 'em to hit a three-year mark
and be emotionally divorced.
That was a horrible time, it really was,
and just by the grace of God we worked through it.
[birds chirping]
[printer running]
Did it go on two pages?
- [Savannah] Yeah.
- That's fine, the order's on that page.
* We just got an order
* we just got an order
* we just got an order.
Alright, sweetie.
Get her packed.
When I first learned about courtship,
I had to go digging for resources,
and they were hard to find,
so we started beforethekiss.com,
which is actually, it's pretty sweet,
because Kelly's the one that came up with that name.
We offer encouragement and resources
for physical and emotional purity.
We're nobody special,
we've just committed to this lifestyle.
The more people we get on board,
the more people who agree with this,
the bigger the pool of future spouse I have for my girls.
What does it mean to be ready for marriage?
Can she cook? Can she clean?
Can she run a house?
- Part of serving the Lord is raising a godly family.
And I'm preparing myself to be
a home schooling mom, stay-at-home mom.
- Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart,
and with all your soul, and with all your strength,
and with all your mind, and love yourself.
- Dawn and I define our roles as husband and wife
as what we believe is a biblical role for marriage.
I am the head of the family.
I am the spear-point.
Dawn's role is a supportive role,
helping me pursue the vision that I believe
that God has given us as a family.
- I don't have to wear the pants of the family
because he does, and if he prays about it
and he messes up, it ain't my fault!
It's his! [laughs]
[chimes ringing]
[water running]
- Um, let's sneak off, I wanna talk to ya for a little while.
- [Dawn] Okay.
- [Ron] I just wanna talk to ya for a few minutes.
- [Dawn] Okay - [Ron] Okay?
[door opening]
- [Ron] I'm just gonna step outside for a minute.
[playful music playing]
- [Ron] Ross called me.
- Yeah? - [Ron] Yeah, and...
He said he was interested in getting to know Kelly better.
And I told him I was fine with it.
- [Dawn] Okay, well, Kelly will be really excited
to hear about that.
- He asked me not to tell her.
I forget the words that he used.
I don't know if he used the term secret or not, but...
- With not telling Kelly, that's probably a good thing,
because she gets excited really fast.
- Yeah, it's good to know his intent.
We could figure out if he's the person
that God's got for Kelly.
[cheerful music playing]
[chattering]
- [Ron] Say hi to Ross.
- [Kelly] How are you?
Hello, good to see you again!
Oh, hi!
When I saw Ross, he did stick out his hand
to shake my hand, so I shook it back,
which is kinda funny, 'cause we've never done that before.
He hugs Ron and Dawn, and I think that's great,
and I've just never, he and I have never hugged.
Glad you guys could come and see me.
- [Ross] Yeah, yeah! I'm excited!
- I hope you like it, I hope you do.
- Yeah, I have no idea, I've never seen anything.
I think I've been to the Nutcracker once.
- [Kelly] This is the first time we're going
in public together, so there's natural questions
from people, maybe I'll be able to say, "Well, actually,
"yeah, we are getting to know each other."
- I don't mind crying, it just doesn't happen. [laughter]
- [Kelly] So I'm excited that there's somebody
like that in my life, because there hasn't been for a while.
- I think you'll enjoy it.
[applause]
- Appreciate you coming out, taking the time
to really honor God and honor these performers.
So let's pray, and then we're gonna
see some awesome, awesome bands.
Father God, we thank you for tonight.
There's some of us in this audience that
we're not really sure about what we think
about you, Jesus, and so for that person
sitting there tonight, we pray specifically for them
that they would hear your voice tonight.
And we remember the goodness, the grace,
the mercy, and how awesome you are.
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
- [Audience] Amen.
[classical music playing]
[Kelly chuckling]
[dubstep music playing]
[classical music playing]
- Four weeks.
- Wow!
- You know he's attracted to her
and she's attracted to him. There's chemistry,
you can feel it, you know it's there,
but I want Kelly to be very careful
when dealing with Ross because he has saved
his first kiss and Kelly hasn't.
Ross might want his wife's first kiss.
[upbeat music playing]
- [Both] [laughing] Yay!
- [Linda] I'm so glad you made it safely!
- [Kelly] How are you and Bob doin'?
- [Linda] Doin' a lot better now
that my girl's here!
- [Kelly] Awww! Thank you!
- [Bob] Hey! - [Kelly] Hey.
How you doin'?
- How are you?
- [Kelly] Good, thank you!
- [Bob] Good to see you, good to see you!
- [Kelly] Thank you!
- Ahh! Kelly! [shrieking and laughing]
- [Linda] Lookit there!
- This is Louie!
- Awww. Hi, Louie!
How's he doin'?
- [Kelly] What were you saying about that video?
- Well, when y'all were little,
we did some Super 8 video,
and I got it put on a DVD.
It's not very good quality 'cause it's kinda shaky,
but you can still see enough to know...
- [Kelly] Oh, my goodness, I'm so excited!
- What y'all were like back then.
- [Bob] Well, input's that one.
- Well, both of them have an input,
but, yeah, this is the one.
But I gotta have the TV on, don't I?
- [Bob] Yep.
- [Linda] Oh my goodness, there's hyper Kelly.
- [Woman] Oh my God! Look at those pigtails!
- [Linda] I love that Hippity Hop.
[laughter]
- Doll that looks real.
- I thought that was real.
- [Kelly] Were you telling me what to do?
- Yeah, you can see that I'm directing it.
Now, she'll put the bear down.
She'll pick it back up. No idea why. [laughter]
- 'Cause you-- [piano keys smacked]
- [Kelly] Aw, there's Daddy!
[calming music playing]
- I had a lot of security growing up in my family.
So when I left home for college,
there was a huge loss there that I was not prepared for.
And I think that that tore my heart in ways
that I didn't know how to deal with.
And then my parents got divorced
and that was another big hurt.
So I was pretty lost after that.
- When her dad and I got divorced,
it affected Kelly greatly.
And I think that really can make
a young person very wary, probably, of getting married.
When it evolved into the courtship thing
it was just very foreign to me, very strange
that she would want to do that.
I think the divorce really did cause her
to gravitate towards something that seemed safe,
a lot safer to her, in trying to find someone.
- [Kelly] So the hurts were deep and
I think have been good in the long run
making me really question what's important
and question what family means
and question a commitment between a man and a wife
and it made me rethink dating.
I'm not interested in being someone's ex-girlfriend.
I'm interested in being someone's wife.
[phone ringing]
- [Answering machine] Hello, you've reached Ross Leavitt.
Please leave a message. Thanks. [beep]
- Hey Ross, it's Ron.
Can you gimme a call?
I wanna see if you're interested
in maybe me and you meeting--
- So we need to find about the first kiss,
if that's a deal-breaker, and it's kinda volatile,
because nobody wants to come out and say,
you know, there might me something going on here,
but we need to know if this is a dead end or not.
- Hey, can you call me?
I would like to meet with you tomorrow.
Call me tonight. [phone beeping]
[child laughing]
- [Linda] Catch!
Okay, kick it! Kick it over that way!
- So fun hanging out with you.
This is what I miss when I talk to you
on the phone and I ask you what they're doin',
"What are they doin' right now?"
I dunno, I dunno, it's hard, Mom.
You want more grandbabies, don't you?
- [Linda] It's not that! No!
- You don't? You don't want more grandbabies?
- It doesn't matter!
What matters is that you're happy.
And I know, in order for you to be happy,
you would like to be married and have children.
So of course I want that for you.
- I get the waiting to be married to have sex.
That's the way I was brought up, that's what I practiced.
So I'm all for that.
But what I don't understand is why
a young lady that's mature enough to decide
to live away from home by herself
is not mature enough to decide who she wants to date.
That I don't understand.
- I think most people get the advice of their friends
over the people that they are dating.
I think it's kinda a normal, natural thing.
- [Bob] But not before you actually meet 'em.
- It is kinda hard to understand until you see it,
but I dunno if I've told you about,
I was really happy about it, Ron met with one guy
that somebody wanted to set me up with,
they went for coffee and talked
and it came out that this guy had some really
different religious beliefs, that certain things were okay--
- Could you not have found that out on a coffee date?
- [Kelly] Maybe, but why if I don't have to?
Why would I waste my time and my heart? [Bob laughs]
- That's a weird way of lookin' at it.
You want Ron to waste his time
but you don't wanna waste your time?
- [Kelly] No, if I don't have to get my emotions
involved in it, then it's an easier decision.
- [Bob] But it's not emotion at that point,
it's just getting to know the person.
- He meets with them first because this person
would be coming into his family.
He's the head of the family,
so he really does need to come through Ron.
- Well, he's really not the head of your family.
You're the head of your family.
If you're really interested in getting married,
it seems to me that you're sheltering yourself too much.
If I were a 30-year-old man
and a 30-year-old woman that I met somewhere,
and was interested in, told me that I
had to go talk to somebody else
before we could go out together,
I'd be long gone.
- [Kelly] Why is that? Why?
- I think it's weird.
[baby crying]
- [Linda] I'll go with you, okay?
She didn't get her nap.
- It's your life, and obviously you have to live it
the way you want to, but I know
it bothers your mom that you're away from home.
And that she worries about you a lot.
And when she worries about you, I worry about you.
- [Kelly] Aw, well, thanks!
- You're up there, you've got Ron
as your advocate.
If you came back here, I would be glad to be your advocate.
- Aw... [laughs emotionally]
Thanks.
if I did move back, I would want that.
I would need somebody to be my advocate.
Your offer is huge. That means a lot.
So, thank you.
[peaceful music playing]
- So, courtship.
Again, I've got all girls,
so I'm interested in the boy's perspective.
- Uh-huh.
- So, you've never dated, you've had no girlfriends,
you've been saving your first kiss.
- Mm-hm.
- Okay, and, success so far? - Yeah.
- Okay, just interested.
[Ron laughs nervously]
What's your plans for a young lady?
That she will have saved her first kiss, or...?
- That would certainly be, that would be wonderful,
if that had been her perspective.
If she had a different past and had come
to that conviction later on, I mean,
certainly I would prefer that not be the case,
but the most important thing is where she's at right now.
When you've made mistakes in the past, God uses it.
- Exactly.
- And the important thing would be that she's
letting God use her where she's at and is open
about whatever things she's done in the past.
That's like step one.
- [Kelly] From my conversation with Ross,
he understands God's grace.
There's potential here.
- I think the verse that sums it all up,
and the one that I--
- The most important thing is
to find out is this a relationship
that God wants to bloom into something?
And believe that God's gonna walk you
through this process and He's the one
that's gonna orchestrate the whole thing.
Alright, be blessed my friend.
You are a good hugger.
[Ross laughing]
[calming music playing]
- Do you think that we're just totally wrong
and just totally not in the know
to disagree with your philosophy?
To feel differently about things?
How does that, how do you see us?
- I see you...
I see you as really wanting the best for me.
I don't see you as a bad person, I just,
you haven't come to see what I've come to see
out of it, but that's okay, 'cause you are
at a very different point in your life.
- Some people say,
try to learn from other people's mistakes,
and I think maybe you're trying to learn
from my mistakes, but you've kinda gone way out there.
I think that there's a happy medium
between what I did and what you're doing.
I'd like to see you come a little bit closer to the middle,
between you and me.
- Okay, what would that look like?
- That would mean to be a little
more active rather than passive
about meeting people.
- Okay, so, but, and I've heard you talk
about specifics, that you say things that I'm
not interested in, like get on a website,
or go to a single's group, and I'm
not interested in meeting people that way.
- How do you know that God's plan,
if there is one,
is not right there in that group of people?
How do you know God is not leading me to try
to convince you to do these things?
[laughing]
- I love you, Mom.
- God can guide your steps, but you need to be stepping.
You need to be proactive rather than passive.
He doesn't expect someone to just
do nothing and then he does it all.
He doesn't do all the work.
- Right, right, the decision that I make to be proactive
is to prepare myself to be a good wife and mother.
That's an active thing, that's something that I exercise.
- [Linda] You should be there by now.
- Also, I'm actively waiting and trusting
Him to make it happen.
- [Linda] How do you actively wait?
- [Kelly] It's just not actively
the way you want me to be active, I guess.
- [Linda] Do you really believe that God is in control?
- [Kelly] I really do. - Why?
We have free will, why do you think he's in control?
- Yeah, we do have free will.
I like the idea of trusting Him with it.
- Sure, but don't wait for Him
to bring somebody to your door.
- [Kelly] Why? - It's not gonna happen.
- What if He does?
What are you gonna say?
- "Yay," you know? [Kelly laughs]
I will change my tune,
but you might be 50 years old then, you know?
I dunno.
Tick tock, tick tock. [Kelly laughs]
The biological clock.
- Oh, my God. [laughing]
Yeah...
It'll be worth the wait.
It will.
[peaceful music playing]
I'm kind of wishing that I had something
to tell my family when I saw them, like,
"Hey, I'm really getting to know someone
and I really like him."
I didn't want them getting their hopes up,
because I wanted to also guard their hearts.
Of course, I can't help but think
a little bit about my future with Ross.
I'm enjoying the feelings and the joy of it
while trying to keep it in relative control and check.
[upbeat music playing]
- [Kelly] As I'm spending time with Ross,
I really am attracted to him.
I find that I can't really look into his face
or his eyes too deeply, I have to kinda look away.
Since the man is the one that kinda leads the relationship,
I was pretty sure that he was taking it seriously,
getting to know our family.
- Can we trade places?
So I can look out the window?
- [Ross] Yeah. - Are you okay with that?
- We're stepping into another level here.
We're becoming very close friends and I can see
a natural step in the future that
we would be like family to each other.
Number one, cause he's really cool,
I'm really enjoying him, I really am.
He's fun to be around, and, you know,
being honest with ya, in a house full of women,
it's nice to have guys around.
[Ron laughs]
- [Ross] This is salt, correct?
- [Dawn] Yes, that one's salt.
- [Ross] Pass me that one.
- [Girl] So, Dad...
- Don't pick your knees up, it's a smooth walk.
It's not like picking your legs up, yeah.
[hip hop music playing]
One, hit, two, hold three, down, four,
go on... and good.
[hip hop music continues]
[clapping]
- [Woman] Well done, ladies!
- [Kelly] Thanks. Thank you, ladies!
[laughter]
- As soon as class is over, usually one
of my first thoughts is, "Oh, when am I
"going to hear from Ross again?
Did he email me?
Did he Facebook me?
I really need to check my phone."
[playful music playing]
I'm also playing with the idea of,
"Maybe we'd be a good match.
Maybe we'd be a good husband and wife team.
Maybe we could raise kids together."
I'm feeling pretty confident that God is doing something.
I feel like I can trust God in this.
[saxophone mouthpiece squeaking]
[ukulele strumming]
Anyway, that's what I was trying to play.
[laughter]
- [Ross] No, that's very creative.
I've never had anybody do that with a mouthpiece.
[saxophone playing]
- If my relationship with Ross
does go to the next step, he would be
what I would consider my leader.
When I get married to my husband,
when I give my heart to him,
I am giving everything.
I am giving up the right to have my own rights.
I'm giving up the right to say, "Well, I believed
this before you, and you're not changing me!"
In the Bible, the man is given the leadership role,
the protector role, and the provider role.
The woman is given the nurturing role,
the child-bearing role, the tender role,
the feelings role.
I want the roles the way God designed them
because I trust God, that he knows
a little bit more about this than I do.
[light music playing]
- [Ross] So, that makes sense for this one...
- It's own interesting sidebar in this whole thing
is Paul and Savannah hitting it off.
He's 18, she's 13.
When they become 25 and 20,
if this relationship is still going strong,
who knows?
We'll see what happens.
It's the glory of courtship.
The pool of people to choose from
just ain't out there yet,
until courtship becomes more of a norm again.
- The idea is just to go real slow and easy
and just try to get it smooth and controlled at first.
- Ron is very hopeful that Ross and Kelly get married.
He likes boy toys, he likes male friends.
Now he has given his heart away some to Ross.
If it does work out, then we'll have a wedding on the rise.
[computer beeps]
I was on Facebook and saw that Ross
had posted somethin' 'bout his friend,
who had his whole life ahead of him,
died violently.
His younger brother had shot him
in the chest and killed him instantly,
from an accident.
[melancholy music playing]
I got very concerned because he was
saying that it was God's will for this young man
to die, for his life to end,
abruptly and violently,
and I still, I could not believe that.
It was just too much
for me to take in and say,
"Somebody actually believes this."
- So, Ross shared with me the tragedy
that had happened to his friend.
While I appreciated Ross sharing his heart,
there was one part in there I disagreed with,
the part about it being God's plan.
I feel that God causing a bad thing to happen
is a little bit different from God
allowing something terrible to happen.
- He posted that on Facebook
for all his friends to see.
For his family to see.
That mother just lost a son
by the hand of her other son.
How do you recover from that?
How do you go on?
[sighs]
At that point, I was done.
I couldn't see putting Kelly under authority like that.
And I even told her, I said, you need
to be prepared that, if you do marry Ross,
and you go to a funeral, he could go
up to the person and say,
"I'm so sorry about your loss.
It's God's will, though.
What a bummer, huh?
But we know God's perfect," and then walk off.
And I said, there you are with a broken person
and you are under his authority.
You have to walk away with him.
[melancholy music playing]
I saw Ross's note again today.
- [Kelly] The note he wrote when his friend died?
- Yeah.
- [Kelly] I mean, I don't believe God
is separate from the situation.
- [Dawn] No, I believe He's in control.
- Yeah, He is in control.
- But, the-- he stuck the gun
in the young boy's hands and had him pull
the trigger, I just don't believe that.
- Right.
- [Dawn] Is that something that you can submit to?
You need to decide.
- It wasn't a huge deal-breaker kinda thing for me.
My hope is that my husband will love the Lord
with everything he has, and the little details on theology,
I think that if our hearts are towards the Lord,
we can work them out.
[typing]
[dramatic music playing]
- [Kelly] Ross writes me back and he says,
"I think it's okay that we disagree
about these theological differences."
And at that point I felt really happy about that.
I thought, "Great, that's a heart that
I would want."
Being so open with Ross about these things
was a new place for me.
I've never shared such deep things
with another man, at least not recently,
at least in the last seven or eight years.
It was just a feeling of,
"I'm making myself vulnerable here."
[typing]
[dramatic music playing]
[router connecting]
[downbeat music playing]
[static bursting]
[typing]
- [Kelly] We got the email from Ross,
just the day before, that he wasn't coming.
So it takes a little while to sink in
to how that makes me feel, which is,
"Wow, that makes me feel pretty unimportant."
I felt like even though nothing had been said to me,
that we were in the courtship process by this point.
The thoughts were constant of,
"Maybe Ross really does want to court me
and they just didn't want me to find out,
so they're making everything look like Ross cancelled.
Maybe he's saying he's cancelled, but he's really
gonna come and he's gonna ask if I am interested
but he just wanted me to be surprised.
Maybe he's really not interested, but that
didn't make sense either, 'cause he
had been acting interested.
What did I miss?
Why did it seem like I was a priority
and then suddenly I feel like I'm not
as important as I was?"
- God, I just wanna ask you
to show me what to do as I meet with Ross.
I ask that your will be done in this conversation.
And God, it'd be really cool if this was the one.
I would...
Ross is a good guy and
it'd be cool if this was the one
you've got picked out for Kelly.
[grunting] Ross! Ross!
Oh, let me get outta here!
- [Ross] Good to see ya! - [Ron] Get a hug.
Who taught you how to hug?
- Probably my mother, I suppose.
- 'Cause you give some of the best hugs, I tell ya.
- [Ross] Really? - [Ron] For real!
- [Ross] Thanks.
- They're awesome.
So, thanks for driving all the way over here,
I really appreciate it.
Thanks for meeting with me.
We talked, you and I talked briefly on the phone
and you said that you were interested
in getting to know Kelly a little bit better.
And I want to try and find out what your intentions are,
what you're thinking, and I just,
I wanna walk around that a little bit, just kinda
talk it out so that you and I are on the same page
and we know what's going on.
- Yeah, and actually...
I have gotten to know,
to know her and you guys
a little better in talking about,
talking about more specific issues than we got to before.
The short answer is,
I've started to see that there are some differences
that I think would,
would preclude going forward.
- Okay, let's walk around that a little bit,
because I want more details.
What... where is the... what are the issues?
What are you thinking?
- There are things like, theological issues.
And that's not something that I see as dividing people
from being friends, but for a marriage,
I think that having those, for me,
those are things that I feel strongly about.
And those effect the way that I live
and the way that I,
the way that I respond to trials
and difficult situations in life.
If my relationship with God and the way
I follow God is the center of my life,
the most important part of my life,
then that's something that where
I need to be walking in parallel.
- Setting Kelly aside because Kelly's mine
and she's my responsibility,
setting that aside and just speaking to my friend Ross,
who I've really enjoyed getting to know and,
and I really like you.
I think you're a pretty stand-up guy.
- Thanks.
- Yeah, you've got some differences here.
But does God feel those differences are that important?
- For now, I've made my decision.
I mean, that doesn't change the friendship
that I have with your family at all,
because that wasn't the basis
of it in the first place, right?
- You're a great guy, I enjoy you
and love having you around.
Yeah, we...
That should stay the same.
I agree.
- [Computer] Please say a command.
- [Ron] Call home.
- [Kelly] Hey. - [Ron] Hey there.
Alright, wanted to update you,
just want to give you an idea of what
we talked about, so...
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- The whole theology thing's a deal-killer for him.
- [Kelly] Is it? - Yep.
That theology is that important to him
that it was like, "No, we really need
to be on the same page with this,"
otherwise it's a deal-killer for him.
- Yeah.
I dunno, I gotta lot to think,
I gotta process this out, so...
Okay, I'll talk to you in a little while.
- [Kelly] Alright, love you.
- I love you too, honey.
Bye-bye - [Kelly] Bye.
[melancholy music playing]
[inaudible]
- My mind is trying to fill in the blanks,
and my mind is trying to make sense of it all.
I kinda felt like, "Wait, you must be wrong!
No, I have the emails that say
it's not a deal-breaker for him!"
That was my first thought, and then I realized,
"No, he just talked to him.
Alright, so, that must be true."
Then of course, then I had to ask the question,
"Well, why did we spend so much time together, then?
What was all this for?"
- [Ron] We will keep you as long as we need to.
- [Dawn] Yeah, when you moved in I realized
that you might not ever get married.
- Yeah.
[melancholy music playing]
[Ron grunting]
- Coming through.
[Ron sighs] [laughter]
That's the swan, that's Cygnus the swan, right there.
- [Dawn] Cool!
- [Ron] That is Vega!
That's in Lyra.
- We learned so much during this courtship with Ross.
Kelly walked away with a protected heart.
She doesn't ever have to worry
about seeing Ross again and thinking,
"Yeah, I did kiss him."
But they didn't kiss.
There's nothing there.
There was never anything there other than
an attraction, and people feel attractions
to other people walking down the street.
- See, when I get underneath the stars like this,
it's like, this can't be an accident.
There's just no way.
We totally believe that God
will turn the world upside down
to put two people together that He wants together.
That's what Kelly is doing,
she's taking the rest of her life on,
"Is God gonna come through on this?"
[piano playing]
* Holy, holy, holy
* Is the Lord God Almighty
* Who was, and is, and is to come *
* With all creation I sing
* Praise to the King of Kings
* You are my everything
* And I will adore you!
[soothing music playing]
- I think what a woman really wants to know is:
"Am I beautiful?"
and, "Am I lovable?
Could a man really love me?
Could a man really want me?
Could a man really want to get to know me deeply
and want to keep me?" [chuckles]
Probably some women find it in a good husband
and in a good man, and they enjoy that marriage
or they enjoy that relationship,
but I have just found so much more in the Lord
than what I ever found in a boyfriend relationship.
And even in my own father's relationship,
there's still something lacking, so,
I've just found with God what I've never found before.
So I can't imagine
those needs being met any other way.
[dramatic slow music playing]
[upbeat music playing]
[playful music playing]
[melancholy music playing]