Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
轉載請勿刪除譯者資訊 翻譯/製作：一名童鞋
一名童鞋 熬夜奉獻
二十世紀福克斯
漫威影業 聯手奉上
這是一群惡棍的故事
主演：上帝最鍾愛的混蛋
性感男神
還有個辣妹
一個英倫惡棍
一場喜劇大餐
一個神經質少年
再加個CG人物
以及一個過來客串的
製片就是個傻叉
編劇才是真英雄好吧
導演是吃白飯的傢伙
嗨，我就是死侍！！
在後面好寂寞哦 Kinda lonesome back here.
呃 幫把手…… Yeah, little help.
呃…那個…我雙手不能離開方向盤 Okay, um, just, I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
不好意思 喔~ Excuse me. Whoo!
多平德 Ah, Dopinder.
死侍，姓死 Pool. Dead.
嗯…不錯啊！ Hmm, nice.
聞起來不錯吧？ Smells good, no?
我沒說那花，那妞~ Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.
啊，是吧，吉塔 Ah, yes. Gita.
她很可愛的 Hmm. She is quite lovely.
她本來很適合當我老婆的 She would have made me a very agreeable wife.
但是…呃… But, um...
吉塔的心卻被我老表 班杜 勾跑了 Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin Bandhu.
他勾人的能力太強了 強的可恥 He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
多平德，我知道我今天 Dopinder, I'm starting to think
為什麼要坐你的車了 there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
是啊，你電話預約的嘛，記得吧？ Yeah, sir, you called for it, remember?
不是，我悲催的朋友，愛 是非常美好的事情 No, my slender brown friend. Love is a beautiful thing.
當你找到了真愛，整個世界 When you find it, the whole world
就都是你那花的味道 tastes like Daffodil Daydream.
所以你必須抓住你的愛 So you gotta hold onto love...
抓緊！ ...tight! Ah.
絕不能放手 And never let go.
千萬別犯了我一樣的錯誤 Don't make the same mistakes I did.
明白？ Got it?
否則整個世界的味道就變成了“媽媽囧”練完瑜伽的味道了 Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
那麼，“媽媽囧”到底是啥味道啊？ Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
就像兩個流浪漢在操一隻裝滿小便的鞋子 Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss. Okay, enough.
單這個我能說一天，多平德，關鍵是那感覺不好！ I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad!
是不好…… Hmm, it's bad.
為什麼你穿一身紅啊，死先生？ Uh, why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
喔，那是因為今天是耶誕節，多平德 Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder.
而我在找我淘氣名單上的那個搗蛋鬼 And I'm after someone on my naughty list.
我已經用了1年零3周 I've been waiting one year, three weeks...
6天再加…噢… six days and, oh...
14分鐘去等著報復他對我做的那些事 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
那…他對你做了什麼啊，死先生？ And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
這幅屎樣子！ This shit...
嘣！ Boo!
他們不會讓你失望的 They won't disappoint.
最好不會 They'd better not.
那下個月的貨怎麼說？ And what about next month's shipment?
一個都沒了 There won't be one.
你不是唯一一個等著幹仗的人 You're not the only one with a war to win.
那可不行 That won't do.
你看，關於這次交易的… See, we've had this small disruption
這個小插曲呢… to our supply chain...
我們會感激您的耐心的 We'd appreciate your patience.
好吧 OK
那我們下個月全部交貨 We'll deliver in full the following month.
很高興和你合作 Pleasure doing business with you.
媽逼變種人！ Fucking mutant.
啊！操！ Oh, shit!
我忘拿彈藥包了！ I forgot my ammo bag.
那我們回去嗎？ Shall we turn back?
不，沒時間了 No, no time.
操了，還有這個…… Fuck it. I got this.
9、10、11、12 顆子彈，別卡殼 9, 10, 11, 12 bullets, or bust.
就這兒！ Right here!
總共27塊5 That's, uh, $27.50.
我上工的時候從不帶錢包 I... I never carry a wallet when I'm working.
都在我西裝兜裡呢 Ruins the lines of my suit.
但是 But, uh
來個爽快的擊掌怎麼樣？ how about a crisp high five?
好吧~ Okay.
聖誕快樂！ Merry Christmas.
那祝你四月的週二過的愉快，死先生！ And a convivial Tuesday in April to you too, Pool!
§ 嘿，耶 - 我想咻一發，寶貝 § Hey, yeah I wanna shoop, baby
§ 咻 咻吧都 咻吧都 § Shoop shooop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop
§ 咻吧都 吧嘟 吧嘟 § Shoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop
§ 兩個人如膠似漆，特別是後入的時候 § You're packed and you're stacked 'specially in the back
§ 哥們啊，簡直謝謝你媽給你生得兩瓣好翹臀 § Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that
§ 能給我吃點炸熟的一翹一翹的屁股嗎？ § Can I get some fries with that shake-shake boobie?
§ 如果美貌可以殺人那你簡直是機關槍 § If looks could kill you would be an uzi
§ 是霰彈槍 嘭！ § You're a shotgun, bang!
哇~喔！ Wha... Oh!
喔，哈嘍！我知道你們想說啥，對吧？ Oh, hello. I know, right?
我得愛撫誰的蛋蛋 Whose balls did I have to fondle
才能拍自己的電影呢？ to get my very own movie?
我不能告訴你們 I can't tell you,
但是他的名字跟“金港浪”很像 but it does rhyme with "Polverine."
還有呢… And let me tell you,
他有一對非常光滑順手的“健身球”吊在下面 he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.
隨便啦，我還有個地方要去 Anyway, I got places to be,
還有張臉要整容，還有…嗷… a face to fix and, oh...
有壞人要殺了 Bad guys to kill.
小宇宙爆發了！ Maximum effort.
打蛋蛋！ Cock shot.
哈！ Ha!
土豪啊，柯林斯皮革！ Rich Corinthian leather.
我在找法蘭西斯！ I'm looking for Francis!
你見過這個人嗎？ Have you seen this man?
噢、噢、噢、噢 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
噢、噢 Ow. Ow!
我拽！我拉！ Yanky, yanky!
我以前從不這麼說，但是別咽下去 I've never said this, but don't swallow.
操了 Shit.
我爐子是不是忘關了？ Did I leave the stove on?
現在播報，突發新聞 Now, breaking news.
今晨市內高速公路上多車相撞 A multi-car collision turned shots fired
同時發生火拼事件 on the crosstown expressway this morning.
警方已在現場實施交通管制 Gridlock has kept police from the scene.
建議廣大市民留在室內 Residents are advised to remain in their homes.
肇事者似乎全副武裝 The assailant appears to be armed,
極度危險，並且身穿…… dangerous, and wearing...
紅色服裝 a red suit. A red suit.
死侍！ Deadpool.
黑後！過來！有事幹了！ Negasonic! Come, we have mission.
鋼力士, 等一下 Colossus, wait up.
我給了死侍幾乎所有的機會讓他加入我們 I've given Deadpool every chance to join us...
但他始終像個孩子似的 but he'd rather act like a child.
還是個全副武裝的孩子 A heavily-armed child.
他什麼時候才能長大到 能看到做個X戰警的好處 When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?
有什麼好處，都穿緊身衣？ Which benefits? The matching unitards?
還是每隔幾年被炸次房子？ The house that blows up every few years?
拜託 Please.
房子炸了才能當主演啊 House blowing up builds character.
你吃早飯了嗎？ You ate breakfast, yes?
早餐是一天當中最重要的一頓 Breakfast is most important meal of day.
給，高蛋白營養棒，對骨頭有好處 Here, protein bar. Good for bones.
說不定死侍會捏碎你的骨頭呢 Deadpool may try to break yours.
快閃開！ Get out of the way!
嘿！喔！ Hey! Whoo!
等等！ Wait!
你們也許很好奇我為什麼穿一身紅 You may be wondering, "Why the red suit?"
那是因為這樣壞蛋就看不到我流血了 Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.
這傢伙有想法了 This guy's got the right idea.
他穿了棕色的褲子 He wore the brown pants.
好吧！我只剩12顆子彈了 Fine! I only have 12 bullets...
所以你們得一起享用了！ so you're gonna have to share!
把他們逐一幹掉吧！ Let's count them down.
操了！ Shit.
媽了…逼的！！！ Motherfucker!
10！操了！ 10! Shit!
9！媽的！ Nine. Fuck.
8！ Eight.
操了-媽的！ Shit-fuck!
壞死侍 Bad Deadpool.
7，好死侍~ Seven. Good Deadpool.
啊！ Oh!
有人不會數數咯，6 Someone's not counting. Six.
啊！ Oh!
4…… Four...
幹掉！ Gotcha.
被直搗黃龍了！ Right up main street.
- 3！2！傻逼！- 值得的~ Three, two! Stupid! Worth it.
啊！ Ah!
今晚我要自擼幾把 I'm touching myself tonight.
法蘭西斯！ Francis!
法蘭西斯！ Francis...
什麼傻逼玩意！ What the shit-biscuit!
你跑哪了法蘭西斯！ Where you at, Francis?
你不是法蘭西斯！ You're not Francis.
搞毛？還卷袖子？ Really? Rolling up the sleeves?
你估計正在納悶 You're probably thinking,
“我男朋友說這是個超級英雄電影啊” "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie...
“可是那個穿紅麻袋的傢伙” "but that guy in the red suit just turned
“怎麼把別人捅成了羊肉串？” "that other guy into a fucking kabab!"
好吧，我可能超屌，但是…我不是…英雄… Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero.
總之，坦率的說，這是一起謀殺 And yeah, technically, this is a murder.
但是那些甜美的愛情故事總是伴隨著謀殺 But some of the best love stories start with a murder.
而這部電影講的就是……一個愛情故事 And that's exactly what this is, a love story.
這絕對是事實！ And to tell it right...
我要把你們帶回 I gotta take you back to long before
我穿這件紅色性感彈力褲 很久之前的時候 I squeezed this ass into red spandex.
聽著，我是不是慢點跟你說比較好？ Look, would it help if I slow it down for you?
我……沒點……這……披薩…… I didn't order the pizza.
這裡是紅礁街7348號嗎？ Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive?
你是莫琴特先生嗎？ Are you Mr. Merchant?
是！可我這莫琴特先生沒點這傻逼派！ Yeah, the Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
那誰打的電話？ Then who placed the call?
我打的！ I did!
鳳梨橄欖味的？ Pineapple and olive?
甜鹹兩吃啊！ Sweet and salty.
你他媽誰啊？ The fuck are you?
你媽逼在我屋裡幹嘛呐？ The fuck you doing in my crib...
沒烤糊吧？ Is it burnt crust?
天啊，希望沒有… I... God, I hope not. Um...
聽著，是不是那次牌局的事？ Whoa... Man, look, if this is about that poker game.
我跟豪伊說了…我說… I told Howie, I told him that...
好吧，呃，聽著，你要什麼我都給你 Okay, uh, look, just take whatever you want.
謝了！ Thanks.
先生，在你對他做什麼事情之前 Sir, before you do anything to him,
是不是應該多給一些小費呢？ do you mind if I get a big tip?
傑瑞米，對嗎？ Jeremy, is it?
韋德·威爾遜 Wade Wilson.
這可不是在 Tip-A-Roo 餐廳，傑 That is a no go on the tiperoo, Jer.
我不是來找他的 I'm not here for him.
我是來找你的 I'm here for you.
噢 Oh.
OK 哇哦 看來花生米不用我吃了… Okay, wow, dodged a big-time bullet on that one.
你！病危期還沒過呢！ Not out of the woods yet.
你需要認認真真的清醒清醒 You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling.
那是牛仔，不是吊燈 They're jeans, not a chandelier.
還有，你錢包我就勉為其難的收下了 P.S. I'm keeping your wallet.
你還真是挺大方的 You did kinda give it to me.
你看，哥們，我能拿回我…… Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card...
我會一槍崩了你的傻逼貓！ I will shoot your fucking cat!
我真沒聽懂你什麼意思，我沒養貓 I don't really know what that means. I don't have a cat.
那我剛才拉到誰的貓砂上了？ Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
隨便誰吧…… Anyhoo
話說回來，什麼情況 tell me something...what situation
不會被美味的披薩打斷呢？ isn't improved by pizza?
你碰巧認識 梅根·奧福露斯基 嗎？ Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflosky?
是這麼說的嗎？還是 奧福勞斯基、奧福樓斯基？ Getting that right? Orflosky? Orlovsky? Yeah? Good.
正好她也認識你 Because she knows you.
傑瑞米…我屬於一個只要出一分錢 Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys
就能幫人出頭的組織 who take a dime to beat a fella down.
那個小梅跟，她沒什麼錢 And little Meghan, she's not made of money,
但是運氣不錯 but lucky for her...
我心太軟了 I got a soft spot.
我那個…… But I'm a...
你個跟蹤狂 A stalker.
這是暴力威脅，傑 Threats hurt, Jer.
雖然這刀幾乎沒什麼鋸齒 Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel.
但是你要離梅根遠點， So keep away from Meghan.
好嗎？ Cool?
是的，先生 Yes, sir.
那沒事了 Then we're done.
等等，是…是嗎？ Wait. We are?
是，完全沒事了 Yeah. We're totally done.
你看你那表情！ You should've seen your face.
我不知道該怎麼辦啊，我很害怕…… I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
我心很軟，還記得嗎？ Soft spot, remember?
就算你往她的大致方向看一眼 You even look in her general direction again...
你就會發現最痛苦的事情就是 and you will learn in the worst of ways
我也有“硬”的地方 that I have some hard spots too.
不能對小孩子這麼說 That came out wrong.
那就直接幹？ Or did it?
嗯 梅根？ Mmm... Meghan?
你聽到傑瑞米最後說的話了吧，他說對不起 You've heard the last of Jeremy. He's sorry.
不了個是吧！ No friggin' way.
真應該把我的旱冰鞋拿過來 Should've brought my roller blades.
讓這些小屁孩見識見識 Show these kids how it's done.
這就是為什麼我們要這麼做 Oh. And that's why we do it.
但是大多是因為錢 But mostly the money.
嘿，你能揍我後爹一頓嗎？ Hey, think you could fuck up my step-dad?
如果我讓一個人跟地板親嘴 I give a guy a pavement facial,
那只能是因為他罪有應得 it's because he's earned it.
嘿，等等 Hey, wait!
你是我的英雄 You're my hero.
不不不不不，這個我可不做 No-no-no-no. That I ain't!
不，絕對不當 Nope. Never will be.
日你媽，韋德 Oh. Fuck you, Wade.
我只是個收錢打更壞的壞蛋的壞蛋而已 I'm just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up worse guys.
歡迎來到 [瑪格麗特姐妹吧] Welcome to Sister Margaret's.
這裡就像是個傭兵的招聘會 It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
把我們想像成敲掉你的牙 Think of us as really fucked up tooth fairies...
然後還收你錢的傻逼牙醫就好了 except we knock out the teeth and take the cash.
你最好祈禱你的名字 You'd best hope we never see
不會出現在我們的金卡上面 your name on a gold card.
巴克！ 萊斐德！ Buck! Liefeld...
嘿，韋德 Hey, Wade!
韋德·威爾遜，可憐的守護神 Wade Wilson, patron saint of the pitiful.
給你來點什麼？ What can I do for you?
我想來一發“吹簫” I'd love a Blow Job.
喔，天，我也想 Oh, God, me too.
我說喝的，綿柔的那個，但是，首先…… The drink, moose knuckle. But first...
嘿，我可不收小屁孩的錢 Hey, and I ain't taking any babysitting money, all right?
要確保那些還給那個…… Make sure that gets back to Ms...
奧爾洛夫斯基 Orlovsky.
對，就她 Yeah, her.
你確定？ You sure?
嗯 Hmm.
作為一個傭兵，你太熱心腸了 You know, for a merc, you're pretty warm-blooded.
打賭你搞定那孩子肯定是小菜一碟 I bet you let the kid off easy, too.
他不是個多壞的孩子 Oh, he's not a bad kid, Weas.
只是有點跟蹤而已 Just a little light stalking.
我像他那麼大的時候嚴重多了 I was way worse than him when I was his age.
我在異國他鄉…… I was traveling to exotic places...
巴格達啊，摩加迪休啊，傑克遜維爾啊 Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville,
勾搭一些新的刺激的人，然後…… meeting new and exciting people. And then, uh...
殺光他們，耶，看過你的ins了 Killing them. Yeah, I've seen your Instagram.
話說特種部隊在傑克遜維爾做什麼？ So what was Special Forces doing in Jacksonville, anyway?
那可是機密 That's classified.
不過有個很棒的美國星期五餐廳 They have a wonderful TGI Fridays.
好了，甘露、百利酒 All right, Kahlua, Baileys and...
再加……奶油 whipped cream.
賜給你了，“吹簫” I give you a Blow Job.
你讓我做杯這幹什麼？ Why do you make me make that?
凱麗、凱麗、凱麗、凱麗…… Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
把這個捎給巴克 Take that over to Buck please,
就說是布斯送的，再調戲一下他~ and tell him it's from Boothe. Little foreplay.
給點提示，有什麼好戲要看了嗎？ Remind me what good will come of this?
我才不管，我只是給他們牽根紅線 I don't take the shits. I just disturb them.
布斯！噢！ Boothe! Oh!
悠著點 夥計 住手！住手！ Easy, man. Hold up! Hold up!
你想幹嘛？ What you want?
乾杯，敬你的健康 Cheers. To your health.
操你嘴 Fuck you.
過來吧，肥豬！ Come here, you fat fuck!
那是個新凳子 That's a new stool.
媽逼躺下吧 Stay the fuck down.
喔哈！幹翻他了！ Whoa! Took his ass out!
好了，閃開、閃開、閃開 All right, move. Move, move, move.
巴克，歇著去 Buck, go rest.
布斯被放倒了！ Boothe got hit then went down.
耶，他還在喘氣兒 Yeah, he's still breathing.
今天誰都沒贏 Nobody wins today.
幹的好事，韋德 Nice try, Wade.
被發現了，我在“死池”裡下注賭布斯會死 You got me. I picked Boothe in the dead pool.
你下了誰的？ Who did you pick?
你懂的，韋德，關於這個…… Yeah, Wade, about that, um...
別 No.
你不是賭我會死吧…… You did not bet on me to die.
你賭我會死，哇哦 You bet on me to die. Wow!
你他媽的是世界上最差勁的朋友了 Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend.
看不起你，我會活到102的 Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102.
然後再死，而且死在底特律 And then dying. Like the city of Detroit.
抱歉，我太想贏錢了 I'm sorry. I just... I wanted to win money.
我啥都沒贏過 I never win anything.
隨便啦 Whatever.
傭兵們，今天的酒我請了！ Soldiers of fortune, drinks on me!
國產的！不能喝進口的！ Domestic, nothing imported.
哇哦、哇哦、哇哦、寶貝…… Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
你確定你要“彈盡糧竭”嗎？ Baby, are you sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
呃……太多！ Uh... Tight.
溫妮薩 Vanessa.
韋德 Wade.
像你這樣的女孩在這種好地方做什麼呢？ What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?
我打了一下 I'd hit that.
巴克，你最好道歉，以免…… Buck, you best apologize before...
耶……這樣…… Yeah, that.
該說咒語了吧，肥豬版甘道夫 Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.
我很抱歉~ I'm sorry.
用鼻子呼吸 Breathe through the nose.
是我…條件反射太沒腦子…… I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
OK，嘿，噢、噢、噢 Let go. Okay. Hey, oh, oh, oh...
哈庫那他的他他，他道歉了！ Hakuna his tatas. He's sorry.
快出去，施法去吧 Get out of here. Go. Go cast a spell.
嘿，把你的手從“商品”上拿開 Hey. Hands off the merchandise.
商品，哈 Merchandise? Huh...
那麼你…呃… So you, uh...
付費玩“毛絨球”嗎？ bump fuzzies for money?
耶~ Yep.
悲催的童年？ Rough childhood?
比你悲催 Rougher than yours.
我爹在我出生之前就不要我了 Daddy left before I was born.
我爹在懷胎之前就不要我了 Daddy left before I was conceived.
你身上有被煙頭塞著燙過嗎？ Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
你還有其他地方被塞著燙過？ Where else do you put one out?
我被性騷擾過 I was molested.
我也是，被叔叔 Me too. Uncle.
叔叔們，他們輪換著…… Uncles. They took turns.
我只能通過壁櫥的鎖孔 I watched my own birthday party
看著自己的生日派對 through the keyhole of a locked closet...
就在我… which also happens to be my...
你的臥室，幸運，我只能睡洗碗主機殼子 Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
你們還有洗碗機！ You had a dishwasher.
我都快不知道什麼是睡覺了 I didn't even know sleep.
幾乎全天候的SM It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags,
肛交還有小丑色情 brownie mix and clown porn.
誰會願意做這種事情？ Who would do such a thing?
但願你願意 Hopefully you,
今晚稍後？ later tonight?
那我用275塊能幹點什麼，再加一張 What can I get for, uh, $275 and a...
“優酪乳獎勵”卡 a Yogurtland rewards card?
寶貝，給你48分鐘做你他媽想做的事情吧 Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.
加送你個低脂甜點 And a low-fat dessert.
她是把一張優惠卡塞你嘴裡了嗎？ Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?
是時候把球球放進洞洞裡了 It's time to put balls in holes.
你說我想幹什麼就幹什麼的 You said whatever I want.
我明白了 I get it.
你喜歡快樂滾球 You love skee ball.
顯然勝過喜歡陰道 Apparently more than you love vagina.
這是個艱難的決定 That's a tough call.
我只是想瞭解真實的你到底是不是 I just wanna get to know the real you, you know.
好萊塢兜售的扁扁的 Not the short-shorted, two-dimensional
二維性交對象 sex object peddled by Hollywood.
球打進洞裡 Balls in holes.
準備迎接失敗吧 Prepare to lose tragically.
搞定它，老兄 Bring it, big man.
OK Okay.
一發搞定？ Uh-oh.
一發搞定！ Uh-oh.
中了《戰神金剛：宇宙的保護神》 The limited edition
限量版戒指，勞駕 Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
OK，先放這邊 Okay. Here we go.
我以前有過一個這傻逼玩意兒 Had my eye on this sucker for a while.
還有我的橡皮鉛筆 And I will take the pencil eraser.
OK Okay.
你現在成了榮耀的阿魯斯星球守護神 You are now the protector of the planet Arus.
而你能擦東西 And you can erase stuff...
還能寫東西 written in pencil.
尊敬的女士 M'lady?
我不想掃你的興 Well, I hate to break it to you...
但是你的48分鐘到點了 but your 48 minutes are up.
我用這個東西能換幾分鐘呢？ Hey, how many more minutes can I get for this?
僅供參考，五個小獅子能變 FYI, five mini lion-bots come together
一個大機器人呢 to form one super-bot, so...
5個小獅子？3分鐘 Five mini lion-bots? Three minutes.
成交 Deal.
那剩下的2分37秒做點什麼那呢？ What do we do with the remaining two minutes, 37 seconds?
抱一抱？ Cuddle?
我們這樣能做多久啊？ How long can you keep this up?
一整年？ All year?
情人節快樂 Happy Valentine's Day.
祝你春節愉快 Happy Chinese New Year.
今年是狗年… Year of the Dog.
放鬆…… Relax.
然後國際婦女節快樂 And Happy International Women's Day.
別、別、別 No. No. No.
四旬齋快樂 Happy Lent.
噢，噢 Ow, ow.
韋德！ Wade?
抱歉 Sorry.
萬聖節快樂 Happy Halloween.
感恩節快樂 Happy Thanksgiving.
我愛你 I love you.
如果你的左腿是感恩節 If your left leg is Thanksgiving...
那你的右腿就是耶誕節…… and your right leg is Christmas...
那我能拜訪一下這倆節日之間嗎？ can I visit you between the holidays?
嗷… Oh!
你這毛衣好恐怖~ That sweater is terrible.
但是你穿紅色還挺好看 But red looks good on you.
紅色還是比較配你 Red's your color.
我穿就像你眼上長了血絲 Brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.
聽著，我一直在想… Listen, I've been thinking...
真的？ Really?
我們在一起為什麼這麼棒 ...about why we're so good together.
到底為什麼？ Why's that?
你的瘋配上我的顛，完美 Well, your crazy matches my crazy. Big time.
嗯 Hmm.
我們就像兩塊七巧板 And, uh, we're like two jigsaw pieces,
就那種不規則的塊塊 you know, the weird curvy edges...
你必須把他們放到一起才能看清上面的圖案 You put them together and you can see the picture on top.
沒錯 Right.
韋德 Wade...
有件事我一直想問你 there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
這都是因為你還沒有問我 But only because you haven't gotten around to asking me.
你願意…… Will you, uh...
- 幫我粘…… - 嫁給我？ stick it in my... Marry me?
呃……好尷尬 Uh... Jinx?
哈 Huh.
你是藏哪了啊？ Where were you hiding that?
沒哪 Nowhere.
他們說這得一個月的工資，所以…… They say one month's salary. So, uh...
你是說…… You mean?
我願意 I do.
這是我的話！ That's my line.
我愛你，韋德·威爾遜 I love you, Wade Wilson.
你不是應該…那麼這… You're supposed to... So that's a...
當然了！ Yes!
YES！ Yes!
我怎麼感覺像個小女孩~ I feel just like a little girl.
如果像這樣永遠抱著你不鬆手會怎麼樣 What if I just held on and never let go?
就像尤達騎著盧克跟個坐騎似的 Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke.
星球大戰的梗嗎？ Oh, Star Wars jokes.
帝國反擊戰！ Empire.
我的老天爺 Jesus Christ.
這就像我是在電腦裡創造的你一樣！ It's like I made you in a computer.
嗯 Mmm.
嘿 Hey.
太棒了 Perfect.
那麼 我尿尿去 Let's see. All right, wee break.
甩一甩 呀 Shake it, yeah.
事情呢是這樣的 Here's the thing.
人生就像是一趟永無止境的專列 Life is an endless series of train-wrecks...
幸福總會被短暫的靠站打破 with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.
而這次便成了一次永久的靠站 This had been the ultimate commercial break.
這就意味著是時候面對現實了 Which meant it was time to return
回歸已經制定好的路線 to our regularly scheduled program.
怎麼他媽的…… What the...
噢，我天，韋德！ Oh, my God. Wade?
你胡扯 You're clowning.
你肯定胡扯 You're not clowning?
我感覺像小丑似的 I sense clowns.
人們對癌症晚期的反應都是不同的 People react to news of late-stage cancer differently.
當然，我們還有其他選項 There are certainly options we can look into.
每天都有新的藥物開發出來 New drugs are being developed every day.
那我們該怎麼辦 So what do we do?
說真的，肯定有什麼是能補救的 Surely there is something we can do.
我叔叔伊萬查出來患了甲狀腺癌 My uncle Ivan was diagnosed with thyroid cancer...
用的都是些德國新開發的實驗性藥物…… and there were all these new experimental drugs from Germany.
溫妮薩已經開始制定計劃了，從計畫A Vanessa's already working on Plan A, B,
一直排到了Z all the way through Z.
我？我記下了她臉上的所有細節 Me? I'm memorizing the details of her face.
就像我初次見她一樣 Like it's the first time I'm seeing it.
然後最後…… Or the last.
威爾遜先生？ Mr. Wilson...
威爾遜先生？ Mr. Wilson?
花些時間處理這件事吧 Take your time to process this.
然後不要做任何不理智的事 It's important not to do anything rash.
那麼，如果我是那個200磅重的 Now, if I were a 200-pound sack
叫法蘭西斯的混蛋的話，會躲哪呢？ of assholes named Francis, where would I hide?
噢 Oh.
“人群中一個漂亮的鏟倒，用來歡迎來自 薩斯喀徹爾” A hush falls over the crowd
“里賈納 的 韋德·W·威爾遜 as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson...
再好不過，準備射門~” out of Regina, Saskatchewan, lines up the shot.
“他狀態看起來不錯” His form looks good.
噢！ Oh!
“還有別忘了‘你賤呐’的押韻樂趣” And that's why Regina rhymes with fun.
“女士們、先生們，你們即將看到的是 Ladies and gentlemen, what you're witnessing...
香甜的踢雞巴報復！” is sweet dick-kicking revenge.
“給他贊助點廣告！ Oh! Giving him the business.
這就來！” Incoming!
“這下又把犯賤行為提升到了一個全新的高度！” This is taking unsportsmanlike conduct to a whole new level!
看起來不錯，法蘭西斯，恢復的不錯 Looking good, Francis. Well rested.
看來你以前是擊球手，不是捕手 Like you've been pitching, not catching.
想起我是誰了嗎？沒？ Ringing any bells? No?
那現在呢？ How about now?
韋德·傻逼·威爾遜 Wade fucking Wilson.
不錯啊，哈嘍，小甜心 Well, hello, gorgeous.
是啊，我看起來就像是被受到了輻射的沙皮狗啃過似的 Yeah, like I got bit by a radioactive Shar-Pei.
那麼這是拜誰所賜呢，法蘭西斯？ Yeah. And whose fault is that, huh, Francis?
是時候給我這漂亮的容顏找點安慰了 Yeah, time to undo what you did to this butterface.
你應該感謝我才是 Please, you should thank me.
很顯然我賜給你了永生 Apparently, I made you immortal.
其實我好嫉妒的 I'm actually quite jealous.
是吧，但是這樣的人生不太值，不是嗎？ Yeah, but this ain't a life worth living, is it?
現在…… 我要對你做 Now, I'm about to do to you
跟軟餅乾樂隊在九十年代做音樂一樣的事 what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s.
老爹？ Dad?
我想我們都同意這傻逼玩意 I think we can all agree that shit just went sideways
在某種意義上是挺碩大的 in the most colossal way.
不過，也不是哪都大 Well, maybe not the most.
那這個，是我最珍貴的東西 Uh... This is my most prized possession.
威萌？ Wham?
不不不，威猛樂隊！ No, no, no. Wham!
[使其出名]是喬治和安迪的成名之作啊 Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
那麼，我是不是還應該微笑著 So, am I supposed to just smile
送你出門啊？ and wave you out the door?
你把這想像成春季大掃除就好了 Think of it like spring cleaning.
不過這個春季是死神而已 Only if spring was death.
天呐，如果我每次幻想跟伯娜黛特OOXX God, if I had a nickel for every time
都能得到五分錢就好了 I spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
聽起來有不少呢 Sounds like you do.
伯納黛特哪都不去 Bernadette is not going anywhere,
因為你也哪都不能去 because you're not going anywhere.
喝掉 Drink.
你說得對 You're right. Cancer is only in my liver,
癌細胞只是在我的肝、肺、前列腺和腦子裡 lungs, prostate, and brain.
去掉這些我照樣能活 All things I can live without.
哈 Ha.
你是屬於這個家的 You belong here at home.
你有屬於你的戰神金剛 Surrounded by your Voltron
你的伯納黛特、還有屬於你的我 and your Bernadette, and your me.
聽著，我們都知道這癌症就是他媽的一灘狗屎 Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show.
就跟雅科夫·斯米爾諾夫在愛荷華州博覽會上 Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff- opening-for-the
為Spin Doctors做開場的演出一樣 Spin-Doctors-at-the- Iowa-State-Fair
一灘狗屎 shit-show.
然後我也沒有任何理由……把你……也牽扯進來 And under no circumstances will I take you to that show.
我只想讓你記住我 I want you to remember me.
不是那個在耶誕節出現的我的鬼魂 Not the ghost of Christmas me.
我會一直記著我們的！ I wanna remember us.
我對天發誓，我如果能在下輩子碰見你 I swear to God, I will find you in the next life...
會在你的窗外用外放播《Careless Whisper》 and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window.
威猛！！ Wham!
誰他媽還用外放啊 No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay?
我們能挺過去的 We can fight this.
對了，有一點我可以確認 Besides, I just realized something.
你贏了，你的人生確實 You win. Your life is officially
比我的操蛋多了 way more fucked up than mine.
我愛你！ I love you.
韋德 Wade.
威斯？ Weas.
看起來你需要擼一管再洗個澡 You look like you need a Blow Job and a shower.
也許更需要洗個澡先 Though courtesy calls for the latter first.
也許應該先來杯酒 How about three shots of Patron?
或者……嘗嘗這種魔法草 Or how about Triticum aestivum, wheatgrass.
對你的免疫力提升有奇效 Excellent for the immune system.
老天爺，你簡直就是第二個溫妮薩 Jesus Christ. You sound like Vanessa.
你看這些 Here, check it out.
她弄了很多診所的宣傳頁 She's sending away for all these colorful clinic brochures.
也許有些都沒有美國藥監局發的資質 I'm sure they're all FDA approved.
車臣？這裡不都已經病入膏肓了嗎? Chechnya. Isn't that where you go to get cancer?
還有中國的、墨西哥中部的… You got China and Central Mexico.
你知道用西班牙語怎麼讀“癌症”嗎? You know how they say "cancer" in Spanish?
不知道 No.
El Cancer. El Cancer.
我猜就是 I could have guessed that.
你這照片看起來高興的很 Look how happy you look here.
我收走了啊 Mind if I keep this? Put it up,
這樣我就可以記住你活著的時候是什麼樣子了 so I can remember when you looked alive.
看來“死池”賭注我是贏定了 At least now I'm gonna win the dead pool.
因為你就要死於悲催的癌症了 Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
知道了，威斯，謝你了啊…… I got it, Weas. Thanks.
喔 Oh.
那邊那個男的一直在等你 And, uh, that guy over there came in looking for you.
看起來像是死神來了 Real Grim Reaper type.
好像有什麼需要似的 I don't know. Might further the plot.
布斯 Boothe.
韋德 Wade.
威爾遜先生 Mr. Wilson.
我能幫你什麼？ How can I help you?
除了綁架孩子那種活兒…… Besides luring children into a panel van.
我知道你最近被診斷出了悲催的癌症並且命不久矣 I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
你是跟蹤狂？ Stalker alert.
這是我的工作，招聘~ It's my job. Recruitment.
我很遺憾你就要這麼悲催的走了 I'm sorry you've had such a tough go.
但你是一個戰士，前特種兵 But you're a fighter. Special Forces.
已確認有41人死在你的手裡 41 confirmed kills.
那是漫長的7個星期 One every seven weeks.
很多人都掉了腦袋 Same rate most folks get a haircut. Hmm...
嗯，這酒味道不錯 It's to wash the taste out.
可以讓你忘了自己那麼……牛逼 It's tough to forget being so impressive.
那現在呢？你荒廢你的時光 And now you spend your days
在這些小人物身上？ sticking up for the little people...
是啊，人是會變的，你到底要幹什麼？ People change. What do you want?
我工作的機構也許可以幫助你 I represent an organization that may be able to help.
如果我告訴你我們可以治好你的癌症 What if I told you we can cure your cancer?
並給你大多數人夢寐以求的能力 And what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of?
我覺得這像是電視購物，但是…… I'd say that you sound like an infomercial,
不是賣多功能菜刀那種正常的 but not a good one, like Slap Chop.
更像是買‘飛機杯’啞鈴的？ More Shake Weight-y.
這個世界需要個超級戰士 The world needs extraordinary soldiers.
我們不僅能治好你 We won't just make you better.
還能讓你變得無比強大 We will make you better than better.
變成超級英雄 A superhero.
聽著 Look,
無敵特工 Agent Smith,
我試過扮演個超級英雄，還留過標誌呢 I tried the hero business and it left a mark.
但是我以後有TM什麼需要的話，會找你的 But if I ever hit "fuck it," I'll look you up.
哦，呃 Oh, um...
媽的，我們這離學校只有500碼 Shit. We're within 500 yards of a school,
所以你也許那個……你懂的…… so you may wanna...
他的酒自己買單 His drink's on him.
他怎麼說？ What did he say?
嘿，你怎麼了？ Hey, what's going on?
嘿，抱歉 Hey. Sorry.
做了個連姆尼森的噩夢 I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
我夢到我綁架了他的女兒 I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter
他來找我復仇了 and he just wasn't having it.
嘿，那個，《颶風營救》都拍3集了 Hey, uh, they've made three of those movies.
有時候你不得不懷疑他是不是個好爸爸 At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
嗯 Hmm.
癌症最可怕的不是給你帶來什麼影響 The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you...
而是對你愛的人帶來了什麼 but what it does to the people you love.
誰知道這傢伙能不能救我的命？ Who knew if this guy could save my life...
但是我知道這是我唯一能拯救她的機會 but I knew there was only one way that I could save hers.
超級英雄是不是就是這樣？ Isn't that what superheroes do?
OK，我們先捋一捋超級英雄的利弊權衡 Okay. Let's pro-con this superhero thing.
噢 Ow.
好處：他們幹倒了很多混蛋 Pro: They pull down a gaggle of ass.
乾洗衣服又打折 Local dry cleaning discounts.
拍電影還超掙錢，有兩個宏大的故事起源 Lucrative film deals, both origin stories
還都有聯合演出的電影 and larger ensemble team movies.
壞處：他們都被蹩腳頭頭玩弄于鼓掌 Con: They're all lame-ass teacher's pets.
你知道我能聽見你說話 You know, I can hear you.
沒跟你扯，我在跟觀眾說話呢 I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
呆著別動 Stay right here.
我警告過你，死侍 You've been warned before, Deadpool.
你這麼幹是又魯莽又可恥的 This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers.
你們倆都得跟我們走 You will both be coming with us.
聽著鋼力士，我沒空聽 Look, Colossus, I don't have time for
你這假正經的在這BB the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!
還有，你是？ And you are?
少年力量·黑後 Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
少年力量黑了吧唧…… Negasonic Teenage...
什麼鬼？！ What the shit?
這是有史以來最酷的名字！ That's the coolest name ever!
這麼說，你是他的……搭檔？ So, what, you're like, uh, his sidekick?
不是，實習生 No. Trainee.
讓我猜猜 Let me guess.
X戰警怎麼收了你？你走後門了？ X-Men left you behind on what? Shit detail?
那你又算怎麼回事？ What does that make you?
先假裝你不在這裡吧，少年力量·黑後 Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
咱倆換換名字吧？ Can we trade names?
我們能走了嗎？ Can we go?
聽著，“我只是個小女孩啊” Look! I'm a teenage girl.
“除了這裡我去哪都行” I'd rather be anywhere than here.
“我要做的就是乖乖閉嘴” I'm all about long sullen silences...
“或者先隨便發表幾句意見，然後再乖乖嘴” followed by mean comments, followed by more silences.
那麼到底該怎麼做呢？ So what's it gonna be, huh?
是乖乖閉嘴 Long sullen silence...
還是發表意見呢？說吧 or mean comment? Go on.
好吧我被你說的無語了 You got me in a box here.
啊哈！ Aha!
我們不能讓你這麼幹，死侍 We can't allow this, Deadpool.
拜託，安靜會吧 Please, come quietly.
你這個不銹鋼鐵蛋蛋！ You big chrome cock-gobbler!
這可不夠友好 That's not nice.
你他媽的真的要這麼對我？相信我…… You're really gonna fuck this up for me?
這個生兒子不長屁眼的貨不是空穴來風！ That wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming.
他是個純種的惡魔！ He's pure evil.
再說了 Besides...
沒有人受到傷害啊 Nobody's getting hurt.
那傢伙我來之前就已經在那了 That guy was already up there when I got here.
韋德，你的能力不止於此的 Wade, you are better than this.
加入我們吧，用你的能力做些善事 Join us. Use your powers for good.
小心了！ Heads up.
做個超級英雄吧 Be a superhero.
聽著！ Listen!
我當上打擊傻逼罪犯的義士那天 The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler...
那個又老又禿的老傢伙還領著一群令人起雞皮 who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland mansion...
疙瘩的變種人躲在那天堂門後面的傻逼豪宅裡呢 of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker...
如果有那麼一天 on that day...
我會給你們發一張閃閃發光的傻逼申請函的 I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.
但在那之前 But until then,
我就要在這做我該做的事，或者說…… I'mma do what I came here to do.
我現在就一巴掌把你扇一邊去！ Either that or slap the bitch outta you!
韋德……嘿 Wade... Hey.
閉嘴！小光頭！ Zip it, Sinead!
嘿，傻屌侍！ Hey, douche-pool!
還有你最好給我老實…… And I hope you're watching...
好像很不幸 Quite unfortunate.
什麼叫好像？！ That does it!
哦嗚！ Oh!
小強啊！ Canada!
這可不太好 That's not good.
韋德，拜託~ Wade, please.
打蛋蛋！ Cock shot!
哦嗚，你老婆真可憐！ Oh, your poor wife.
你真該停一停了 You really should stop.
所有恐龍都怕霸王龍 All the dinosaurs feared the T. rex.
我保證讓你加倍奉還，大傢伙！ I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!
真的好尷尬 This is embarrassing.
拜託了，省省吧 Please, stay down.
你以前聽說過一條腿的人參加踢屁股大戰嗎？ You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?
你身上就沒個“關閉”按鍵嗎？ Do you have off switch?
有，就在前列腺旁邊 Yeah, it's right next to the prostate.
或者說，那是“打開”按鍵？ Or is that the on switch?
你夠了！ Enough!
我們去跟教授談一談吧 Let us go talk to the Professor.
年輕的還是老頭的那個？ McAvoy or Stewart?
時間線太亂了…… These timelines are so confusing.
“不管是死是活，你都要跟我走！” "Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"
你會長好的 You will recover, Wade.
你一直都這樣 You always do.
你們看過《127小時》嗎？劇透來了！ You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert.
噢，天哪，真噁心 Oh, my God. Nasty.
喔，這可是顏射，寶貝， Oh, there's the money shot, baby.
上帝在不在？我顏射他了 Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
真是 慘到 家了 Rock, meet bottom.
當生命他媽的到了盡頭的時候 And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked...
通常可以追溯到一個重要且錯誤的決定上面 you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision.
就是那個決定把你引向糞坑的 The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburgh.
這是，那個，這是以前的我 This? Well, this was mine.
威爾遜先生 Mr. Wilson.
沒有什麼能比改造一個人更讓我暖心的了 Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's.
你終於他媽的來了 You finally hit "fuck it."
你必須保證治好我 Just promise you'll do right by me.
那樣我就能繼續去撩妹了 So I can do right by someone else.
那是當然 Of course.
還有千萬不要把我搞成綠色的 And please don't make the super-suit green.
卡通的更不行！ Or animated.
動起來，動起來！ Move it! Keep moving.
這地方看起來還算衛生 This place seems sanitary.
我第一個要求就是你們的手得更暖和點 My first request is warmer hands.
老天，手術臺也再暖點 Oh! And, Jesus, a warmer table.
你們真該給個暫停口令 We should really come up with a safe word, fellas.
我覺得“豬肉燉豆子”不錯 I'm thinking "pork and beans."
悠著點！ Easy.
做為一位女生你是不是有點太壯了？ Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
我現在姓王 I'm calling wang.
叼根火柴幹嘛？ What's up with the matches?
用來剔牙？還是你是發哥的粉絲？ Oral fixation or just a big Stallone fan?
耐心點，甜心 Patience, Angel.
春宵一刻值千金啊 All in good time.
你這是大保健服務還是什麼？ Are you here for the turndown service, or what?
又來了個嘴賤的 We have another talker.
我只是太興奮了，這可是超級英雄首發紀念日啊 I'm just excited about my first day at superhero camp.
你他媽的閉嘴吧 Shut the fuck up.
威爾遜先生，我是阿賈克斯 Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax.
我是這裡的主管 I manage this workshop.
我常用的歡迎詞一般都是比較委婉的 Ah, my welcome speech used to be full of euphemisms like...
“這可能會有點疼” "This may hurt a little."
“這可能會讓你不舒服” "This may cause you some discomfort."
但是現在恕我直言了 But I've grown blunt.
這不是政府主導的研究計畫 This workshop is not a government-led program.
這是一個私人機構資助開發你這種人的研究專案 It's a private institution that turns reclamation projects like yourself...
主要開發人體內的超能力 into men of extraordinary abilities.
但是你為了得到超能力而怕疼的話 But if you think super-human powers are acquired painlessly...
那就不好了 Wrong.
我會給你注射啟動突變基因的血清到你的DNA裡 I'm injecting you with a serum...
為了使它起作用 that activates any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
我們需要你承受一定量的痛苦 For it to work we need to subject you to extreme stress.
你或許聽說過“不入虎穴焉得虎子”之類的 You've heard that whole "make an omelet, break some eggs" bit, right?
我大概會弄疼你了，韋德 I'm about to hurt you, Wade.
我以前也是這裡的一個病人，你懂的 I was a patient here once myself, you know.
這療程對每個人的反應都是不同的 The treatment affects everyone differently.
它能讓天使變成筋肉人 It made Angel inhumanly strong.
就我而言呢 它增強了我的反應能力 In my case, it enhanced my reflexes.
同時也燒焦了我的末梢神經 Also scorched my nerve endings,
讓我感覺不到疼 so I no longer feel pain.
事實上呢 我其實什麼都感覺不到了 And, in fact, I no longer feel anything.
謝……謝謝，謝了！ Thanks! Thank you. Thank you.
你牙上沾了東西 You have something in your teeth.
在你門牙的右邊一點 Right in the middle there. Just, I don't...
好像……是個一片菜葉之類的 A little nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
我憋了很長時間了 It's been bothering me for a long time.
你最好看一下 Ah, made you look.
嘿，阿賈克斯是你的真名嗎？ Hey, is Ajax your actual name?
不論怎麼看都像是編的 Because it sounds suspiciously made up.
你真名叫什麼？ What is it, really?
凱文？布魯斯？斯科特？ Kevin? Bruce? Scott?
米奇？瑞克斯特？ Mitch? The Rickster?
該不是巴休·菲爾提吧？ Is it Basil Fawlty?
少說笑了 Oh, joke away.
這裡從來都不存在的東西 One thing that never survives this place
就是你的幽默感 is a sense of humor.
那我們走著瞧咯 We'll see about that.
我也這麼想的 I suppose we will.
他交給你了 He's all yours.
拜託 Oh, come on.
你要把我這孤家寡人留給這個 You're gonna leave me all alone here.
快點著的炸藥包嗎？ With less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?
工作原理呢是這樣的 This is how it's going to work.
腎上腺素是血清必備的催化劑 Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum...
所以我們得讓你去受點苦吃 so we're going to have to make you suffer.
幸運的話 If you're lucky,
你的突變基因就能啟動 the mutant genes will activate
並以驚人的方式展現出來 and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
如果不能 If not,
那麼，我們必須繼續折磨你才行 well, we'll have to keep on hurting you...
並用新的不同的方法 in new and different ways,
一次比一次痛苦的進行 each more painful than the last...
直到你最終變異成功…… until you finally mutate.
或翹辮子 Or die.
你是說就像個遺願清單？ You mean a bucket list?
就像他媽的那個清單 Like a fuck-it list.
我真想去點個新的奧運火炬 I'd really like to light a spliff off the Olympic torch.
那你之後得傳給我 Pass it to me right after.
再加一條:“跟WNBA的” Let's not forget naked tandem base-jumping
“薩克拉門托君主球隊隊員一起玩裸體跳傘” with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.
我的所有遺願清單條目都有裸奔類的 Anything on my bucket list would involve public nudity.
最後，送給梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特一個烤箱 Finally, giving Meredith Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven.
不是，是收到梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送的一個烤箱 No. Receiving a Dutch oven from Meredith Baxter-Birney.
做一些香蕉薄餅……給我的孩子…… Making banana pancakes for my kids.
溫妮薩 Vanessa.
我想見溫妮薩 I wanna see Vanessa.
喔，真暖心啊 You're lovely.
你們我雖然跟誰都不熟，但是我好感動 I don't know about anyone else, but I'm touched.
我們在說笑呢 We were just joking.
不不，沒事的 No, no. It's okay.
能分分神也不錯 I encourage distractions.
不能讓你放棄我們，不是嗎？ Wouldn't want you giving up on us, now would we?
嘿，別動他一根汗毛坎寧漢 Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham.
他那麼堅強…… How tough can he be...
就像那個名字法蘭西斯一樣 with a name like Francis?
法蘭西斯？ Francis?
那是他的真名 That's his legal name.
他從洗潔精瓶子上取的阿賈克斯 He got "Ajax" from the dish soap.
弗-朗-西-斯-…… F, R, A, N, C, I...
哎呦喂~ Oops!
從你乾洗過的白大褂上拽下來的 Snagged the dry cleaning tag off your lab coat.
順便說，我也許能給你個超級英雄折扣呢 FYI, I could probably get you the superhero discount.
你煩起人來還真是不休不止 You are so relentlessly annoying.
過獎了 Thanks.
之前沒聽人這麼說過我 Never heard that before.
你為毛不能幫個忙，閉上你的雞巴嘴呢？ Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up?
或者我幫你縫上吧 Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
喔~ Oh...
我如果是你的話肯定不會這麼做 I wouldn't do that if I were you.
你看，問題是這是24小時 See, here's the problem with
不間斷的折磨 round-the-clock torture...
這就是你不能更上一層樓的原因了 is that you can't really step it up from there.
你是這麼想的嗎？ Is that what you think?
如果這都不能引起你的基因突變，那麼…… If this doesn't unlock your mutation, then, well...
就沒有什麼能了 nothing will.
接下來我們要做的就是 Now, what we're going to do is
降低空氣的含氧量 lower the oxygen concentration in the air...
以精確的控制你的窒息感受 to the exact point you feel like you're suffocating.
如果你的腦電波放緩 If your brainwaves slow,
並且大小便失禁了 meaning you're about to pass out...
那我們才會提升氧氣含量 then we'll turn up the O2.
如果你的心跳速度降下來了 If your heart rate slows...
那就意味著你能自主呼吸了 meaning you're able to catch your breath...
那我們就再降下去 we'll turn it back down.
然後我們就離開你了 And that's where we'll leave you.
就這樣 Right there.
我以為你們之前已經夠混蛋了…… Oh, and I thought you guys were dicks before.
你知道最有趣的部分是什麼嗎？ You know the funniest part of this?
就是你仍然認為我們是在讓你變成超級英雄 You still think we're making you a superhero.
就你？一個無名小混混？ You. A dishonorable discharge.
一個皮條客？ Hip-deep in hookers.
你什麼都不是 You're nothing.
告訴你個小秘密，韋德…… Little secret, Wade.
我們這裡不生產超級英雄 This workshop doesn't make superheroes,
我們只生產超級奴隸 we make super-slaves.
我們會給你帶個控制項圈 We're gonna fit you with a control collar
然後把你賣給出價最高的人 and auction you off to the highest bidder.
然後接著你要做的事就是 Who knows what they'll have you doing?
恐嚇公民、屠殺自由戰士 Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters.
當然也可能只是修修草坪之類的 Maybe just mow the occasional lawn.
你他媽的有什麼病啊？！ What the fuck is wrong with you?
這之後你就永遠回不了家了 You're never going home after this.
現在你就勇敢面對吧 Now there's a brave face.
等，等…… Wait, wait! Wait. Wait.
說真的，你牙上現在真的粘了東西了 Seriously, you actually have something in your teeth now.
享受之後的這周吧 Enjoy your weekend.
一周？等等 "Weekend"? Back up.
一周？ Weekend?
我是不是說這是個愛情片？ Did I say this was a love story?
不，其實這是個恐怖片 No, it's a horror movie.
他媽的什麼鬼！ Fucking hell.
看樣子有人失去了衣錦還鄉該有的樣子了 Looks like someone lost his shot at Homecoming King.
你他媽的對我做了什麼？！ What have you done to me?
我只是把你的壓力等級 I've merely raised your stress levels
升到了最高 high enough to trigger a mutation.
你他媽的虐待狂！ You sadistic fuck!
我已經治好你了，韋德 I've cured you, Wade.
現在你的變異細胞可以治癒任何東西了 Now your mutated cells can heal anything.
它們早就以最快的速度治癒了你的癌症 It's attacking your cancer as fast as it can form.
沒錯，我之前就知道它們起作用了…… Yeah, I've seen similar side-effects before.
我能治好它們的 I could cure them...
但是那不是就沒有樂趣了嗎？ but where's the fun in that?
現在，我要再關你一次了，韋德 Now, I'm gonna shut you in again, Wade.
不是我需要這麼做 Not because I need to.
是我想這麼做 Because I want to.
再見了 Oh, well.
繼續 Go ahead.
你聞起來就像一泡屎 Oh, you smell like shit.
唔啊 Whoa!
媽了逼的…… Motherfucker.
沒事的，沒事的…… Hey, hey, hey. It's all right, it's all right.
我覺得我們已經贏了一局了 I think we owe him that one, yeah?
你先走吧，走吧 You take off. Go on.
隨後就到 Off you go.
快問快答 Quick question.
我叫什麼名字？ What's my name?
我不這麼認為 Didn't think so.
抱歉，法蘭西斯，我的嘴唇縫起來了 Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
你不能殺我的 You don't want to kill me.
我是唯一一個能治好你的醜比樣子的人 I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug.
我叫什麼名字？ What's my name?
韋德…… Wade.
我可不是僅僅治好了癌症 I didn't just get the cure to el cancer...
我是什麼傷病都能痊癒 I got the cure to el everything.
但是只有一件事 But there was only one thing...
才是我真正關心的 that really mattered.
快點，我們走吧 Come on, let's go.
噢，那肯定很疼 Oh, that must hurt.
謝謝你了 Thank you so much.
老天，他太TM醜了 God, he's so fucking gnarly.
看那個人的臉 Look at his face.
噢 天爺，可憐的孩子 Oh, my God. Poor guy.
親愛的，別看他 Honey, don't stare.
怪胎 Freak.
沒門，我不是要把她弄的跟我一樣醜 No way. I'm not making her life as ugly as mine.
拜託，韋德，沒有那麼壞的 Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad.
放屁 Ah, bullshit!
我現在就是個活生生的怪物 I'm a monster inside and out.
我他媽逼是屬於某個馬戲團的 I belong in a fucking circus.
韋德，溫妮薩是愛你的 Wade, Vanessa loves you.
她不會在意你的… She doesn't care what you...
…嗷…… Oh! Oh.
你喜歡看到的這玩意嗎？ Do you like what you see?
不 No.
你看上去就像是一個牛油果 You look like an avocado
操了另一個更老更醜的牛油果一樣 had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
沒錯 Yeah.
一點也不溫柔的，超大力的使勁操 Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking.
是完全不帶任何感情色彩的 There was something wrong with the relationship...
狂風暴雨一般的 and that was the only catharsis
最最純粹的性宣洩 that they could find without violence.
然後唯一能治好我醜逼樣子的 And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug...
那個研究所裡的英倫惡棍 is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory.
就那樣沒影了……噗~ And he's gone. Poof!
你得做些什麼來解決這個問題 Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this...
因為目前來看 because as of now,
你只能做一件事…… you only have one course of action.
太他媽對了 Damn straight.
- 找到法蘭西斯 - 去恐怖片裡當演員 Find Francis. Star in horror films.
什麼？ What?
主演個你自己的恐怖片 Star in your own horror films.
因為你現在看起來就像是鬼王弗萊迪 Because you look like Freddy Krueger
在操猶他州的地形圖一樣 face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
下面我應該這麼做： Here's what I'm actually gonna do.
我去找法蘭西斯的手下們 I'm gonna work through his crew
直到逼出他的下落 until somebody gives up Francis...
然後威脅他治好我 force him to fix this, then put a bullet in his skull...
接著在他腦袋上開個雞巴天窗透透氣 and fuck the brain hole.
我可不想再看到或者想像這些畫面了 I don't wanna see that or think of it again.
但是那傻逼以為你死了，對嗎？ But the douchebag does thinks you're dead, right?
是 Yeah.
那很好，你應該先不讓他知道 That's good. You should keep it that way.
怎麼，帶個面具？ What, like, wear a mask?
對，帶個厚厚的面具，全天候的 Yes. A very thick mask. All the time.
實在抱歉 I am sorry...
你…實在…… you are haunting.
有張讓人夢魘不斷的臉 Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
就像長了牙的睾丸 Like a testicle with teeth.
你會孤獨終老的 You will die alone.
我是說你能死的話 I mean, if you could die.
理想情況下 也為他人著想一下 Ideally, for others' sake.
這沒問題 That'll do.
那麼你需要一套衣服還得取個名字 All you need now is a suit and a nickname...
比如韋德歪歪俠…… like Wade the Wisecracker...
或者夜魔瞎、不死先生…… or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie.
喔，草…… Oh, shit.
怎麼了？ What?
我把我所有錢都壓你身上了 I put all my money on you and now...
現在我意識到了我永遠都不會贏了…… I just realized I'm never gonna win the, uh...
“死池” Dead pool.
死侍~隊長 Captain Deadpool...
不，就… No, just...
就死侍，沒錯 Just Deadpool, yeah. Just Deadpool.
敬你，死先生 To you, Mr. Pool.
死侍 Deadpool.
這名字聽起來簡直吊炸天啊 That sounds like a fucking franchise.
瘋狂計畫啟動！ This shit's gonna have nuts in it.
法蘭西斯在哪？ Where's Francis?
洗血漬要用蘇打水加檸檬 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
或者乾脆穿紅色吧，傻瓜 Or wear red. Dumbass.
不要讓我問兩次 WADE: Don't make me ask twice.
法蘭西斯 在哪？ Where... is Francis?
非得讓我問第二次 He made me ask twice.
難道這面罩遮住聲音了？ Is the mask muffling my voice?
法蘭西斯在哪？ Where's Francis?
媽逼法蘭西斯在哪？ Where the fuck is Francis?
你要被台除冰機弄死啦！ You're about to be killed by a Zamboni.
法蘭西斯在哪？ Where's Francis?
求你別殺我…… No! Please!
喔，天啊，真對不起~ Oh, God! I'm so sorry!
媽的跟個猴子一樣！ Oh! You little spider monkey!
弗朗~西斯~在哪？ Where... is... Francis?
真搞不明白 This is confusing.
是因為你是女的而不能打？ Is it sexist to hit you?
還是因為你是女的才應該打呢？ Is it more sexist to not hit you?
真被你們弄糊塗了！ I mean, the line gets real... blurry.
法蘭西斯在哪？ WHERE IS FRANCIS?
告訴我你他媽的老闆在哪！ Tell me where your fucking boss is
不然你就死定了！ or you're gonna die!
在5分鐘之後！ In five minutes!
想通了就打這個電話 Don't hesitate to call me.
很高興見到你，傑瑞德 Nice to see you, Jared.
哥的大雞雞等你等的~~ I'll take the footlong...
很寂寞~ Fully loaded.
唔啊，唔啊 Whoa, whoa!
之前殺了41個 41 confirmed kills.
現在是89了，差你一個到90 Now it's 89. About to be 90.
威爾遜先生？ Mr. Wilson?
叮叮 Ding-ding.
你看上去生龍活虎的 You're looking very alive.
啊！只是表像而已 Ha! Only on the outside!
結果不應該是這樣…… This is not going to end well for me, is it?
是你的結果不應該很好才對 This is not gonna end well for you, no.
你老闆在哪？ Where's your boss?
我可以告訴你確切的位置是…… I can tell you exactly...
你會說的，但是首先呢 Oh, you'll tell me. But first...
你們可能不想看這畫面 You might wanna look away for this.
這頭小豬豬要…… Now this little piggy went to...
謝謝你，無敵特工 Thank you, Agent Smith.
計程車 Taxi!
上車吧，感謝您的乘坐 Hop in! Great day for a ride.
我們已經知道這後面發生了什麼 And we all know how this turned out.
糟糕了！你們肯定不是想看這個的 Whoops! You weren't meant to see that.
就這兒，正好快進到這裡 There. All caught up.
停車吧 We're here.
抱歉！給你的垃圾上弄的都是血 Sorry about bleeding in all your garbage.
用蘇打水和檸檬洗那血漬吧 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
喔哦！ Whoo!
有時候憤怒起來簡直無法控制 Some kinds of anger can't be managed...
就像你用了長達一年的時間 like the kind where your year-long plan
跟無關緊要的人扯雞巴蛋！ ends with the wrong guy getting dismembered!
真可悲 不過沒有什麼比家更好的地方 That said, when it comes time to licking wounds,
來讓你撫慰創傷了 there's no place like home.
啊，我家裡還有個房客 是你們在前面見過的人 Ah, and I share that home with someone you've met,
自動洗衣房裡的瞎老太，老艾 the old blind lady from the laundromat, Al.
天哪，真想來點可卡因 God, I miss cocaine.
就她 Her.
在第4面牆裡打破第4面牆？ Fourth-wall break inside a fourth-wall break.
就像打破了第16面牆！ That's like 16 walls.
我們就像是蝙蝠俠和羅賓一樣 She's like Robin to my Batman,
她又老、又黑、還是瞎子 except she's old, and black, and blind.
而且我覺得她愛上我了 And I think she's in love with me.
等等，確定羅賓也是愛蝙蝠俠的嗎？ Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman, too.
老艾？ Al?
早上好，懶蛋雞 Morning, sleepyhead.
這聞起來怎麼就像條老娘們的裹腳布 It smells like old lady pants in here.
沒錯我是老了，但沒裹腳布 Yes, I'm old. I wear pants.
但你不是娘們 But you're no lady.
喔~真舒服 Oh! So comfy.
我是個瞎子，我永遠都不會看見你穿洞洞鞋 Upside of being blind: I've never seen you in Crocs.
你是說我這大大的橡膠的用來自慰的鞋子？ You mean my big, rubber masturbating shoes?
是的我知道 Yes, I know.
我雖然眼瞎 Downside of being blind...
但是卻能聽的更清楚 I hear everything in this duplex.
碰上硬茬了 Sit on a stick.
上點藥？ Bactin?
好，上點藥肯定好得快 Yeah. Bactin should do it.
那櫃子是怎麼裝好的？ How's that Kullen coming along?
宜家的東西好像不會自動組裝吧 IKEA doesn't assemble itself, you know.
用你說，[昆侖]系列的傢俱挺人性化 You're telling me. I don't mind the Kullen.
比[孤島]系列改進很多 It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
拜託，隨便選個都比[孤島]強好吧 Please. Anything's an improvement over the Hurdal.
我還買過[尼斯]和[泰斯]，都比[孤島]強百倍 I'd have taken an Hemnes or a Trysil over the Hurdal.
或者說我看到[昆侖]之前都興奮不起來 Oh, no, I didn't get excited till I saw the Kullen.
螺絲，遞過來 Screw, please.
這兒？現在？說笑呢吧 Here? Now? Just kidding.
你都瞎了幾十年了 I know it's been decades.
會讓你吃驚的 You'd be surprised.
噁心到我了 Pretty grossed out.
嗒~~~噠~~~ Ta... Da.
看來我需要“一個神奇的網站” I wish I never heard of Craigslist.
發佈資訊：“真誠找合租” And I quote, "Looking for roommate,
“希望你是個瞎子、喜歡次品……” "blind to life's imperfections.
“最好還心靈手巧” "Must be good with hands."
“或者喜歡組裝傢俱，‘傻速來’更好” Or would you rather I build the IKEA, and you pay rent?
你今天腦袋被驢踢了嗎？ Why such a douche this morning?
我給你講講吧 Let's recap.
那個把我變成這幅屎樣子的傻逼玩意 The cock thistle that turned me into this freak...
今天從我“手”裡溜走了 slipped through my arms today...
手裡~ Arm.
抓住他是我重回性感路線的唯一機會 Catching him was my only chance
才能把我那超級性感的前女友追回來 to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back...
並且防止這種事情再發生在別人身上 and prevent this shit from happening to someone else.
所以沒錯，今天爽的就跟用狼牙棒 So, yeah, today was about as much fun
捅後庭自慰一樣 as a sandpaper dildo.
當沒聞到~ # driveby.
知道我們那位紅衣朋友是誰了 Found out who our friend in the red suit is.
媽逼的韋德·威爾遜 Fucking Wade Wilson.
不過假如我也成那樣了我也會帶個面具的 I suppose I'd wear a mask too if I had a face like that.
真希望我能治好那病 I only wish I healed the same.
儘管這樣 我們必須拔掉這根眼中釘 Still, we'll put him out of our misery.
記下這條 On our terms.
好的，給他治病的時候下手？ Right. And when he heals?
治不好了 He can't.
給他治病的東西那時候都燒完了 Not if there's nothing left of him to heal.
你知道嗎，搞笑的是 You know, it's funny.
我都快不記得這個傻逼了 I almost miss the fucker.
我雖然喜歡挑戰 I like a challenge.
但是他已經影響我的生意了 But he's bad for business.
走 我們去把他剔出來 Now let's go find him.
噢 Oh.
再吃點藥？ Tylenol PM?
你之前給我的藥都還沒化完呢 You can stick that where you stuck the Bactin.
我現在還暈的跟什麼似的 I raided my stash of wisdom tooth Percocet...
頭上還有個土星在飛 and I am orbiting fucking Saturn right now.
不過還是很感謝你的關心 But I appreciate the gesture.
是我瘋了嗎？ 還是你的手就這麼小？ Am I crazy, or is your hand really small?
跟肯德基裡的勺子差不多 About the size of a KFC spork.
呃 Ugh.
我知道你為啥要這麼讓自己這麼混蛋 I get why you're so pissy...
不過你永遠不會開朗起來…… but your mood's never gonna brighten
除非你找到那個女孩 till you find this woman...
並告訴她你的感受 and tell her how you feel.
我都一直怎麼跟你說的，米高女士 What do I keep telling you, Mrs. Magoo?
她不會要我的 She wouldn't have me.
如果你能看見我，你就明白了 If you could see me, you'd understand.
眼見不一定為實 Looks aren't everything.
眼見一定為實！ Looks are everything.
你有沒有聽過貝克漢姆說話？ You ever heard David Beckham speak?
聲音尖的就像他跟一罐氮氣口交過一樣 It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium.
你以為里安·雷諾茲 You think Ryan Reynolds got this far
是靠演技上位的嗎？ on his superior acting method?
愛情是盲目的，韋德 Love is blind, Wade.
不…… No.
你是盲目的 You're blind.
所以你就只會躺在那裡自怨自艾？ So, you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
不，我只是要等我這條胳膊度過青春期 No, I'm gonna wait till this arm plows through puberty...
然後我再拿出一個 and then I'm gonna come up with
全新的耶誕節計畫 a whole new Christmas Day plan.
在此期間 In the meantime,
你可能會想離開這個房間 you might wanna leave the room.
因為我打賭你到時候一定會覺得我的手太大的 I bet it feels huge in this hand.
走，走，走，走，走…… Go, go, go.
所以那醫生說：告訴你個壞消息 So, the doctor says, "The bad news is
你剩的時間不多了 "you don't have that long to live."
然後那病人說：我還有多長時間？ So, the patient says, "How long do I have?"
那醫生說：5…… The doctor says, "Five."
那傢伙說：5什麼？ The guy says, "Five what?"
醫生說：4…3…2… And the doctor says, "Four, three, two..."
需要幫忙嗎，女士們？ Can I help you ladies?
喔，希望你能 Oh, I do hope so.
那麼，我聽說你也許知道 I heard you might be able to point me
我的一個朋友在哪 in the direction of a, um, friend of mine.
他叫 韋德·威爾遜 Name of Wade Wilson.
抱歉 Sorry.
從沒聽說過 I don't know the name.
嘿，你不能進到吧台裡面 Hey, you're not supposed to be behind the bar.
我見過這個女孩 I've seen this girl.
這肯定就是溫妮薩 Ah, this must be Vanessa.
我聽說過很多你的事 I've heard so much about you.
親愛的，你也許應該看看周圍 Um, sweetheart, you might wanna look around.
這裡真不是你胡來的地方 This isn't really the place to do something like that.
淡定甜心 Easy, Angel.
把這個小東西放下來 Put the little man down.
我們找到所需要的東西了 We have everything we need now.
你確定？ You sure?
不想來件花襯衫穿穿嗎？ You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic?
午夜還放《刀鋒戰士2》呢 Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II.
嗚吼 Whoo.
謝謝你們罩著我 夥計們 Thanks for having my back, guys.
韋德，我們這邊出問題了 Wade, we have a fucking problem.
我是說…你這邊… And by "we," I mean "you."
真不敢相信我們正在這麼幹 Ah, I can't believe I'm doing this.
有沒有什麼詞是形容一半害怕一半生氣的？ Is there a word for half afraid, half angry?
“生怕氣”吧，我猜 "Afrangry", I guess.
你有沒有想好怎麼跟她說？ Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?
我就操了！ Fuck me!
估計這麼說不太好 Uh, maybe not start with that.
嘿，放開了玩吧，現在 Hey, coming onto our stage right now...
收起你們羞射的表情吧！ give it up for Chastity!
要不像我超愛給她打電話那樣找她吧，開句玩笑 Or as I like to call her, Irony.
我必須快點找到他，以免那個混蛋先下手了 Better find her fast before numbnuts does.
你怎麼知道他在這兒？ How do you know she's in here?
因為我經常偷偷跟著她 Because I'm constantly stalking that fox.
我每次看到她就都像第一次似的 Every time I see her, it's like the first time...
特別是從這個角度 Especially from this angle.
你買不到愛情 You can't buy love,
但是可以租個三分鐘 but you can rent it for three minutes.
你個傻逼膽小鬼！ Ah, you weak motherfucker!
加油！ Come on!
加油，告訴她真相吧 Come on, get it together.
這事關於你，也事關於溫妮薩 This isn't about me, this is about Vanessa.
加把油 Here we go.
小宇宙爆發吧 Maximum effort.
溫妮薩！ Vanessa.
外面有個人找你 Someone out back asking for you.
說什麼關於你的前男友 Something about, uh, an old boyfriend.
我知道剛才那是你 I knew it was you.
好像一種奇怪的心靈感應 The weird, curvy edges.
就像個七巧板 Like a jigsaw puzzle.
這話還是留著給韋德·威爾遜說吧 You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
嘿，她去哪了？ Hey. Hey! Where'd she go?
我見她去那後面了 Uh, I saw her head to the back.
追過去吧，小饞貓 Go get her, tiger.
草了！傻逼！ Fuck. Fuck!
媽了逼的！ Motherfucker!
等等…你那個… Wait, wait. Let's... Just...
傻逼玩意！ Cock juggling...
我們談談…… We can talk about what we're gonna...
媽了逼的！ Jiminy! Fuck face!
OK 或者你打打那個…… Okay, or you can hit that.
對對對，操！操！ Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck! Fuck!
別，別，好了，嘿！ No, no. All right. Hey!
操！操！！ Fuck! Fuck!
操！嘿，呃…… Fuck! Hey, um...
放鬆、放鬆、OK、OK…… Whoa! Whoa! Relax. Relax. Okay.
OK，我覺得這是個好的開頭 Okay. I think that's a good start.
我他媽的要撕吃了這個傻逼！ Oh, I'm gonna rip his motherfucking...
等等 Wait.
找出來！找出來！ Find it! Find it. What?
- 我他媽要變綠巨人了！ - OK 好了 I'm gonna get angry. Okay. All right.
好了，OK，好了 All right. Okay. All right.
有了，這是溫妮薩 Here. This is Vanessa.
不是，等等，這是法蘭西斯 What? No, wait. It's Francis.
他要你去找他 He wants you to come to him.
-這是什麼？ -這是大便表情 What is that? That's the shit emoji.
是有倆眼睛跟一張笑臉的便便表情 You know, it's the turd with the smiling face and the eyes?
我之前很長一段時間一直以為這是巧克力雪糕 I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
我需要武器 I need guns.
好啊，哪一支 Okay, which ones?
所有槍都給我！ I need all the guns!
沒問題，好說 All right. Okay.
這是大概三千發子彈 That's about 3,000 rounds.
我們都知道其實給我12發就夠了 We all know what I can do with 12.
嘿嘿，輕拿輕放，老奶奶 Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap!
我們要去打獵了 We're downrange.
我本來要在夜裡組裝茶几的 I was gonna spend the night
但這玩意貌似更好玩 assembling the Borje, but this is holding my interest.
我跟你說過！我要電視櫃！不要茶几！ I told you, we're going with the Urvaj, not the Borje.
你最好給我記清楚了！要不就給我滾蛋！ Get it through your head or get out of fuck town.
去死 所有的危險品都在這了 Shit. That's all the pieces in the house.
不不不，過來，撩起來 Nah, nah... Come on. Let's go. Cough it up.
往上往上往上…… Up, up, up.
往下往下往下…… Oh. Down, down, down.
操你嘴 Fuck you.
點45口徑，口味不錯 .45 cal. I like it.
韋德…… Wade...
按說我應該跟你一塊去 I'd go with you,
但是……我不想去 but I don't want to.
呃……聽著，老艾 Uh... Listen, Al...
如果我以後再也不能見你了 if I never see you again,
你要知道我其實很愛你的 I want you to know that I love you very much.
對了還有，我把116克的可卡因 And also, uh, there's about 116 kilos of cocaine
藏在這個房間裡了 buried somewhere in the apartment...
就在你治眼睛的藥右邊，祝你好運 right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.
要不要一塊嗨一下？ You wanna get fucked up?
把她綁那邊去 Put her down over here.
膠帶揭開吧 Go on then.
謝你了，小婊子，我是說你呢 Thanks, dickless. And I mean you.
你也是個話嘮，你跟韋德都是 Wow. You're a talker too. You and Wade.
我想說的是你們這群混蛋 I've been trying to tell you assholes,
抓錯人了好吧 you've got the wrong girl.
我前男友已經死了 My old boyfriend, he's dead.
是嗎，我之前也以為是呢 See, I thought that too.
但是他又回來了 But he keeps on coming back.
像個不死小強 Like a cockroach...
但更醜了 but uglier.
雖然，我也不知道怎麼回事但確實沒死 Now, I may not feel, but he does.
那麼我們就看看他會怎麼為你而戰吧 Let's see how he fights with your head on the block.
瑞普利！你來自《異形3》！ Ripley, from Alien 3!
操，你洩露年齡了 Fuck, you're old.
假笑一下！掩飾下我受的傷害~~ Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.
去把不銹鋼蛋蛋叫出來 Go get Silver Balls.
你們要去吃蟲子？早起的鳥兒有蟲吃？ You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
蟲子好像得日落之前吃 Oh, like there's something wrong
說不定還能吃一送一 with eating before sundown or saving money.
不是……還記得那個被你們放走的壞傢伙嗎？ No, you know that bad guy that you let go?
他把我的妞抓走了 He's got my girl.
你們得幫我把她救出來 You're gonna help me get her back.
韋德？是你嗎？ Wade, is that you?
是，叫我死侍！ Yeah, it's me, Deadpool,
我會給你一個你不可能拒絕的條件！ and I got an offer that you can't refuse.
我在外面等你們，行嗎？ I'm gonna wait out here, okay?
這是個大房子！ It's a big house.
搞笑的是我只看見了你們兩個 It's funny that I only ever see two of you.
劇組真是窮的請不起X戰警了 It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man.
……而這，就是為什麼在我看來 And that is why, in my opinion...
《魔繭》純粹就是個AV…… the movie Cocoon is pure pornography.
誰把這個亮晶晶的傢伙帶過來的？ Who brought this twinkly man?
亮晶晶?但是很致命的 Twinkly, but deadly.
後面這個我的不銹鋼蛋蛋朋友 My chrome-penised friend back there
已經同意做我的同盟了 has agreed to do me this solid.
作為交換 In exchange,
我說我會考慮加入 I said that I would
他們的掏糞男孩天團 consider joining his boy band.
不是掏糞男孩 It's not boy band.
沒錯，不是 Sure it's not.
那麼，有沒有把吉塔追回來呢？ So, any luck winning Gita back?
我試過窮追不捨，死先生 I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool...
但是班杜實在是更善勾搭，還比我帥 but Bandhu is more craftier and handsomer than me.
其實我覺得你已經很可愛了 Well, I think you're pretty darn cute.
多平德？ Dopinder.
嗯？ Hmm?
那什麼聲音？ What was that?
呃…… Uh...
那是…… 班杜……在後備箱…… That was Bandhu in the trunk.
班誰？ Ban who?
我的情敵，班杜 My romantic rival Bandhu.
他在後備箱綁著呢 He's tied up in the trunk.
我是照你說的做的，小侍 I'm doing as you said, DP.
我準備把他腸子挖空然後做成印度燒烤 I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish,
接著扔到吉塔家的門口 then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
我絕對沒教他這麼做！絕對沒有！ I did not tell him to do that.
他肯定是沒聽清我說的什麼！ Absolutely not. It got lost in translation.
多平德，這絕對不會幫你贏得吉塔的心！ Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's heart back!
我真為你驕傲~~ I'm so proud of you.
把班杜平安禮貌的放回去 Drop Bandhu off, safe and gentle-like.
殺了他~~ Kill him.
然後，用你的男子氣概 And then, win Gita back...
加經典求愛贏回她的心 the old fashioned way: with your boyish charm.
綁架她~~ Kidnap her.
他死定了 He's super dead.
哦嗚！ Whoa!
我猜肯定是一個清脆的擊掌？ I presume a crisp high five?
跟你？兩個！ For you? 10.
好了，夥計們，讓我們去大鬧天宮吧！ Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference.
你知道該怎麼辦~~ You know what to do.
幹翻他們，小侍侍！ Knock 'em dead, Pool Boy!
是時候給他媽的攪個天翻地覆了 Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas.
這不是常規意義上的一個壞蛋弄花了你的臉 Not often a dude ruins your face...
又摧殘了你的意志，還抓了你孩他媽 skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama...
然後還見證了你4、5個悲慘時刻 and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments.
我們這樣來個開場白好了：這看起來好像耶誕節啊！ Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
嘿，你彈藥包呢？ Hey. Where's your duffle bag?
班杜~~ Bandhu?
……留個言吧，祝你生活愉快…… Leave a message and have a happy day.
操他媽的！ God damn it!
我們用經典的戰鬥方式好了… I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way...
只用刀……再加小宇宙爆發 with two swords and maximum effort.
音樂走起 Cue the music.
韋德·威爾遜！ Wade Wilson!
我叫什麼名字？！ What's my name?
噢~~我他媽會拼給你看的！ Oh, I'mma fuckin' spell it out for ya.
搞定他們 Go get some.
超級英雄出場 Superhero landing.
她要搞超級英雄出場了 She's gonna do a superhero landing.
等著看吧！ Wait for it.
哇哦！ Whoo!
超級英雄登場！ Superhero landing!
你知道不，這樣對膝蓋不太好 You know, that's really hard on your knees.
真的很不好，他們都是這樣 Totally impractical. They all do it.
你是個很可愛的女生，但是我只想揍法蘭西斯 You're a lovely lady, but I'm saving myself for Francis.
這就是我為什麼帶他來 That's why I brought him.
我一般不打女生的，所以請…… I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...
我是說，這就是我為什麼帶【她】來？ I mean, that's why I brought her?
喔，不是吧，發完你的朋友圈吧…… Oh, no, finish your tweet. It's not... That's...
稍等幾秒鐘~~~ Just give us a second. Yeah.
好了，又加了個話題討論 There you go. Hashtag it.
搞定她，小花貓~~ Go get her, tiger.
我真替在畢業舞會上強吻她的哥們心疼 Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
那好吧，開火！！ All right, then. Fire!
快點把她媽的給幹掉！ Finish fucking her the fuck up!
別說髒話！ Language, please.
滾雞巴蛋！ Suck a cock.
別看這邊，屁孩 Look away, child.
別看這邊！ Look away!
等等！ WADE: Wait!
等等！ Wait!
停止射擊！ Cease fire!
夥計們，嘿！嘿！ Fellas! Hey! Hey!
你們竟然只單純的為那個臭屁神經病賣命 You only work for that shit-spackled muppet fart.
那麼，還是讓我給你們一個 So, I'mma give you a chance
放下武器的機會吧 for y'all to lay down your firearms...
再給你們一個溫柔、賢慧的…… in exchange for preferential, bordering on gentle...
甚至是……情人般的抱抱 possibly even lover-like treatment.
好吧 Fine.
受死吧！ Commando!
舔雞雞！ Teabag!
鮑勃？ Bob?
韋德？ Wade?
噢，老天，好久不見 Oh, my God, I haven't seen you since...
- 傑克遜維爾，星期五 - 那餐廳~美國星期五！ Jacksonville. Fridays. Since TGI Fridays.
搞毛線！ Well, what the hell!
老天！過來吧你 God, come here, you.
孩子怎麼樣？還好？ How are the kids? Good?
你老婆還在家裡補那個金槍魚砂鍋？ And Gail, she still fixing that tuna casserole?
都很好~~ So good.
但是壞消息是…… But bad for the waistline,
如果你知道我在說什麼 if you know what I'm talking about.
噢！ Oh!
你的……呃左邊那個……你挺漂亮的…… Your... On the left. You are beautiful woman.
你好貼心啊！ That is so sweet.
呃… Uh...
謝謝！ Thanks.
呦吼！ Yoo-hoo!
他也給你留言了嗎？ Does he write you notes too?
真他媽浪漫 He's such a romantic.
別擔心寶貝，我來了！ Don't worry, baby. I'm comin'.
開火！ Fire!
嘿！ Hey!
爬上來 Climb on!
媽了逼的 Motherfucking...
這個傻逼真應該穿個棕褲子 Motherfucker should have worn his brown pants.
你說的對，親愛的 You were right, beautiful.
紅色真挺適合我的 Red really is my color.
韋德？ Wade?
別擔心，寶貝 Don't worry, baby...
我會從那個破盒子裡把你救出來的 I'mma get you out of that shit-box.
有什麼辦法能讓我也進到你的心裡嗎？ What better way to crawl back inside that head of yours?
噢，你一直都沒離開 Oh, you never left.
但你離開了，混蛋！ But you did, asshole!
啊，深呼吸，親愛的 Ah, deep breath, darling.
不對…… Oh, wait.
我說錯話了 Wrong choice of words.
希望你的神經全都被遮罩了 I hope they blocked pain to your every last nerve.
因為我要看看你哪根還會疼！ 'Cause I'mma go lookin'!
我聽說你的身體可以再生，韋德 I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade.
那砍碎你之後 When I'm finished...
剩下的東西還能不能長呢？ parts will have to grow back you.
有意思 Good one.
不錯，這個我也想看看 Yep, that was a good one.
跳支舞吧 Let's dance.
我的意思是 And by dance, I mean...
咱倆可以互砍了 let's try to kill each other.
不錯啊，赤膊戰吧 Fine. Fists.
聽上去很像你的最後一個奢靡之夜啊 Oh, sounds like your last Saturday night.
混蛋！ Asshole!
堅持住，寶貝 Hang in there, baby!
- 韋德！ - 抓到你了 Wade! I gotcha!
我有主意了，不過你可能不會喜歡 I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
操了！操了！操了！ Shit! Shit! Shit!
別擔心！我這不還掛在這呢嗎 Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.
啊！日了！ Ah! Damn it!
小宇宙爆發吧！！ Maximum effort!
謝謝 Thanks.
別著急，慢慢來 Just take it slow.
呀吼！ Yoo-hoo!
噢，天哪，我太帥…… Oh, my God! That was so...
不跟你廢話了！ There are no words!
我跟你 得去把這張臉好好修一修！ Me and you are headed to fix this butterface.
什麼？ What?
你他媽真是個傻逼 You stupid fucking idiot.
你真以為這還有的治啊，傻嗎？ Did you really think there was a cure... for that?
什麼？ What?
你聽見了 You heard me.
不 No.
不！ No!
所以，你是說…… So, you mean to say...
經歷了這麼多，你還是不能治好我？ after all this, you can't fix me?
你說這話的時候感覺更傻逼 It sounds even stupider when you say it.
你是那種我留給他機會活命 Like the kind of stupid who admits
他卻做不到的那種傻逼嗎？ he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?
還有什麼遺言？ Any last words?
我叫什麼名字？ What's my name?
誰他媽關心啊！ Who fucking cares?
韋德！ Wade!
4、5個瞬間 Four or five moments.
你說什麼？ I'm sorry?
你有4、5個瞬間，去理解真諦…… Four or five moments, that's all it takes.
去……？ To?
做個英雄 Be a hero.
每個人都覺得那是個全職工作 Everyone thinks it's a full-time job.
起床時是個英雄 刷牙的時候也是個英雄 Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero,
當英雄就是上班 go to work a hero.
不是這樣的 Not true.
一生之中，也許只有4、5個瞬間 Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments
是事關重大的 that really matter.
也是你面臨選擇的瞬間 Moments when you're offered a choice.
是要你做出犧牲、修補一個缺點、 To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw,
拯救一個朋友…… save a friend...
以及赦免一個敵人 spare an enemy.
在這些瞬間 In these moments...
什麼都是不重要的 everything else falls away.
重要的是這個世界在看著我們 The way the world sees us.
我們要…… The way we...
為什麼 Why?
你很煩人啊~~ You were droning on.
對，我也許一輩子都會是這張看上去都噁心的臉 Sure, I may be stuck looking like pepperoni flatbread...
至少他這張傻逼臉再也他媽的看不見了 but at least fuckface won't heal from that.
但一旦穿上超級英雄制服 If wearing superhero tights...
也許就不能殺這個變態狂了 means sparing psychopaths...
這是我為什麼不願意做超級英雄了 then maybe I wasn't meant to wear 'em.
不是所有人都像你一樣有著鐵石心腸 Not everyone monitors a hall like you.
你得發誓！ Just promise...
好，好…你就記著我以後的… Yeah, yeah, I'll be on the lookout
4個瞬間吧… for the next four moments.
糟了… Oh, shit.
現在打擾一下 Now, if you'll excuse me,
我只不過是一個男孩 I'm just a boy,
站在心愛的女孩的面前 about to stand in front of a girl...
然後跟她說…… and tell her...
我他媽該怎麼跟她說？！ What the fuck am I gonna tell her?
那……你最好自己想辦法 Well, hmm, you better figure it out.
我一直沒能告訴你…… I can't even tell you...
我該打……這下也該 I deserved that. That, too.
不不不，這兒不能打…… No, no, no, maybe not the nethers.
繼續說！ Start talking!
對不起 I'm sorry.
我真的很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
對不起我那天不辭而別 For everything, I'm sorry for leaving...
很抱歉我不能早點跟你見面…… I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner.
這是比較難熬的幾年 It's been rough couple of years.
難熬？ Rough?
我在一個吸毒窩點落腳 I live in a crackhouse.
還住著另外一家12口…… With a family of 12.
我們每天晚上都抱著睡覺 Every night we spoon for warmth.
都要纏著諾伊爾，因為她最胖 Everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest.
在那裡我們什麼都是共用的 There's nothing that we don't share.
睡的地方、牙線，甚至是避孕套 Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
那麼你還是有房子住的？ So, you live in a house.
我真希望能快點來見你 I should have come and found you sooner.
但面具下的這幅面孔 But, baby, the guy under this mask,
跟你記憶中的是完全不同的 he ain't the same one that you remember.
這面具是你做的？ You mean this mask?
還有這一個 And this one.
這是以防那個掉下來的 In case the other fell off.
呃…那個…啊噢… All right. Yeah, just... Ow.
就像個創可貼……只是…… Like a Band-Aid, just give it a...
啊噢…我勒個去… Owdie 5,000.
等等等一下 Wait, wait, wait...
你確定？ Are you sure?
我確定 I'm sure.
哇哦 Wow.
是啊 Yeah.
嘿 Hey.
估計等我適應適應 After a brief adjustment period...
再多喝點酒的話 and a bunch of drinks...
這不過是一張…… it's a face...
我很樂意坐在上面的臉而已~~ I'd be happy to sit on.
但是我這戰服下面還有樣東西也不一樣了 I'm not the same underneath this suit, either.
不 No.
一根超級大香腸~ Super-penis.
拜託，韋德，說話注意點 COLOSSUS: Come on, Wade. Language.
這裡還有個未成年呢 Young one is present.
你們怎麼……還在這？ What are you still doing?
趕緊走，找點事幹去吧！ Get out of here. Go make yourself useful!
你，去給別人當一個真正的大哥吧 You, go be a really big brother to someone.
還有告訴野獸別老在我草坪上大便 Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn.
還有你，小笨蛋 And you, chicken noodle...
《沒有什麼比得上你》 Nothing compares to you.
辛妮奧康娜，1990年的歌，抱歉 Sinead O'Connor, 1990. Sorry.
沒關係的，你挺酷 That's all right. You're cool.
你屌毛會錯意了吧？ What in the ass?
我不是那意思！我是為你感到驕傲！ That was not mean. I'm proud of you!
我們會把你培養成X戰警的，韋德 We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade.
你知道嗎，剛才那一會兒 You know,for a second there
我感覺我們是3個小獅子機器人 it felt like we were three mini-lion robots...
然後組成了一個超級機器人 coming together to form one super robot.
想法真蠢 There's a stupid.
耶~ Yeah.
現在呢，就是我等了很久的時刻了 And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for.
過來吧 Come here.
威猛！我承諾過的 Wham! As promised.
看見了吧 See?
你不需要為了把妹而去當超級英雄 You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl.
而是合適的女孩會喚醒你心中的英雄 The right girl will bring out the hero in you.
現在，讓我們拍完這個史詩級的廣角鏡頭，拉出… Now, let's finish this epic wide shot. Pull out.
就是這樣 看上去不錯 There we go, that looks nice.
不過這不是今天晚上唯一個 That's gonna be about the only thing
要做的“推拉”的動作 that's pulling out tonight.
誰不喜歡圓滿的結局呢，你說？ Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh?
到下集之前 'Til next time, this is
縈繞在你耳邊的將會是這首歌…… your friendly neighborhood pool guy singin'...
§ 如果不能與你共舞 § I'm never gonna dance again
§ 那麼我就與舞隔絕 § The way I danced with you
一名童鞋 傾情奉獻
你們還沒走 You're still here?
結束了！回家吧！ It's over. Go home.
噢，你們還在期待《死侍2》呢 Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2.
可惜我們沒錢拍了 Well, we don't have that kind of money.
那你們還等什麼呢？山姆傑克遜登場？ What are you expecting? Sam Jackson to show up?
還帶個眼罩？穿著皮大衣？ With an eye patch and a saucy little leather number?
走吧，走吧 Go. Go.
喔！ Oh.
不過有件小秘密我可以告訴你們 But I can tell you one thing, and it's a bit of a secret.
在續集裡，電索會出場 For the sequel, we're gonna have Cable.
性格棒棒的哦 他有機械手臂，還能時空穿梭 Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel.
不過還不知道誰來演 We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet,
但是任何人都有可能的 but it could be anybody.
只要是個平頭大漢就好哦 Just need a big guy with a flat top.
也許是梅爾·吉布森、多爾夫·隆葛籣 Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren...
或者凱拉·奈特利 不過她還得剃頭，誰知道呢？ Keira Knightley. She's got range. Who knows.
總之啦，這是個秘密 Anyway, big secret. Shh...
還有別把垃圾仍在座位上 Oh, and don't leave your garbage all lying around.
那是野蠻人的舉動 It's a total dick move.
走吧 Go.
在以往的 X 戰警電影中，LOGO 中的 X 都是最後消失的
但在這裡卻沒有 可能意味著片方沒有將本片當作 X 戰警電影看待
杯子上的 Rob L 是在向死侍的作者Rob Liefeld致敬
片頭字幕是死侍在以文字的形式打破第四面牆與觀眾對話
《人物》雜誌2010年將瑞恩·雷諾茲評選為“最性感男神”。休·傑克曼也曾在2008年獲此榮譽，暗指死侍自詡強于金剛狼
看到綠燈俠了嗎？本片首次調侃主角演過綠燈俠，而且綠燈俠還是對手DC的~~~
Hello Kitty唇膏，死侍電影的官方推特唯一關注的物件就是Hello Kitty
製片在開拍前臨時縮減了700萬美金的預算，在這兒罵句傻叉已經算是很輕了……
調侃導演第一次執導長片，導演自己也在訪談中說完全不知道自己在幹嘛……
媽媽囧：Mama June，電視節目《美國真人騷》名星，很胖。
《探險時光》手錶……死侍跟鋼鐵俠一樣愛卡通手錶……
死侍是漫威角色中唯一一個知道自己是個漫畫人物的傢伙，總以旁白身份吐槽，甚至打破第四面牆直接與讀者對話
這個詞以前被用來形容克萊斯勒豪華車上的皮革內飾
此處出現了一小段蝙蝠俠影集的開頭音樂，沒錯，DC的蝙蝠俠~~
指讓人“口”的時候從不這麼說……
右邊路標看到了嗎？派克大道！蜘蛛俠的姓，死侍仍然念念不忘他最愛的小蜘蛛~
暗指他會拉褲子
人格分裂，死侍有多重人格分裂，總愛進行人格間對話
人格間對話
兩年前
韋德在別人家叫了披薩，這段是照搬2009年死侍第十集漫畫的橋段，也是鳳梨橄欖味
吐槽他的褲子太花
可以看到披薩店的名字是Feige's，這其實是漫威電影總監的姓氏
這個萊斐德就是前文提到的死侍作者，本色客串~
這段殺人的敘述基本上是直接套用，他在《金剛狼》裡飾演死侍時的臺詞
美國星期五餐廳：其名取自于英文詞句TGIF，“感謝上帝，今天是星期五”之意。
哈庫那馬他他：斯瓦西裡語“不用擔心”或“沒有問題”，被《獅子王》中丁滿和彭彭的插曲廣泛傳播
吐槽他們是在電影裡而不是現實中
飾演溫妮薩的這個演員其實經常跟DC合作，《閃電俠》、《哥譚市》等都有聲優或者配角出演，但是就是沒上過漫威的名單，這次是她首次步入漫威宇宙
1977年星球大戰四部曲時，名字並不是《星球大戰1234》，只是《星球大戰》、《帝國反擊戰》之類的，沒有“星戰”首碼
蜘蛛俠就是被輻射的蜘蛛咬過才變蜘蛛俠的，瑞恩·雷諾茲也曾出現在漫畫對話中，就是牽著一條沙皮狗
《金剛狼》版被縫了嘴的死侍公仔，瑞恩·雷諾茲估計砸爛這玩意的心都有了
伯娜黛特·皮特絲：百老匯一姐
名片上的電話：555-0199，555-0100到0199是專門留給虛構故事使用的號碼段
無敵特工：原文是“史密斯特工”，韋德在用《駭客帝國》裡的史密斯特工黑這個西裝男
連姆尼森之前演過一部電影就叫《The Dead Pool》~~~
說的是《X戰警》和《復仇者聯盟》
吐槽X戰警和複聯的頭頭都是殘疾
模仿美隊丟盾牌……
吐槽X戰警電影一老一少兩個版本的X教授~~~
《機械戰警》經典臺詞……
《127小時》主角是砍手逃生的……
第二次調侃自己演過的《綠燈俠》
布魯斯、斯科特：綠巨人和蝙蝠俠都叫布魯斯，鐳射眼和蟻人都叫斯科特……
暗指在《金剛狼》裡把他的嘴縫起來之後他暴走了……
意思是“我要暴走了！”
夜魔瞎：很明顯是在玩夜魔俠的梗~~~
這是在拿美國隊長開玩笑啦~~~
這段 Rap 背景音樂是死侍遊戲上市時一個粉絲 YouTube 頻道 Teamheadkic 自製的
之前還有人發推說能用到電影中就好了，現在被收錄到了電影中，算是夢想成真了！
在黑貝克漢姆長的帥但是聲音難聽……
自嘲自己只是個靠臉吃飯的
意思是形容OOXX的場景
斯坦李又出來客串了，他在漫威創作了超多漫畫角色，相繼客串了大部分漫威電影
這裡就是片頭提到的休傑克曼也曾獲得的《人物》雜誌評選的“性感男神”稱號
《異形3》是1992年的電影，被人罵老也正常……
《教父》經典臺詞
又吐槽劇組經費少……
很明顯這是鋼鐵俠的出場方式……
“Go，get her tiger”是蜘蛛俠女友常說的臺詞，死侍不僅惦記小蜘蛛，還念念不忘人家女友……
漫畫中的鮑勃本是九頭蛇的手下，遇見死侍後就成了他的跟班，常常幫死侍把斷掉的頭裝回去之類的……
死侍把地上的屍體拼成了‘法蘭西斯’
暗示會把他大便打出來
套用《諾丁山》臺詞
這裡其實是韋德在為之前形容黑後長的像辛妮奧康娜而道歉，辛妮奧康娜是愛爾蘭光頭歌手
而黑後理解為韋德還在諷刺她的造型是光頭
之前韋德承諾要外放《Careless Whisper》給她聽
威猛樂隊《使其出名》專輯歌曲：Careless Whisper
片尾彩蛋是在致敬另一部電影《春天不是讀書天》（1986），基本上是照搬的……
山姆傑克遜：《復仇者聯盟》裡神盾局局長飾演者
電索：漫威漫畫中的超級英雄，與死侍淵源頗深
一名童鞋 傾情奉獻
特別鳴謝 YouTube Channel：超粒方