Today I will finally achieve what has been deemed impossible.
Man can break the 50-mile-per-hour speed barrier.
You're lucky enough to be part of it here. - It surely shall, sir.
Yes. We will make history... or die trying.
Die? - This is very exciting.
Sir! I refuse to be catapulted, electrocuted...
or have my internal organs disrupted any longer!
I quit.
He is a very sick man.
The electrocution was not my fault! You refused...
to wear the rubber underpants!
Is there no man brave enough to be my valet?
I'm your new valet. - I must commend the valet service...
on their impeccable foresight.
But they know I only accept French valets. - Yes.
Oui. I come from a long line of French valets...
on my father's side. Very, very French.
But your accent... - My father, French, never speaks.
My mother, Chinese, never shuts up. All the children pick up her accent.
Very well. Will you be willing to risk your life to challenge the laws...
of physics, as we know them? - Yes. And I can sing, too.
Excellent. Put this little hat on.
And the throttle in your right hand controls the speed!
How do I stop? - Godspeed.
25 miles per hour. Pressure's stable.
We need more speed, man!
40 miles per hour. Hang on in there.
47 ...
48...
49...
Eureka! We've done it!
Good morning. I'm looking for a man with a steam turbine.
Over here! - There he is! That's my valet!
Look out! - Sorry! New valet...
Good morning. - Good morning.
You'll be able to let go any second. The pack will run out of steam...
in exactly... 3... 2... 1...
Now! - Whoa!
Well done! We've broken the human speed barrier!
Goodbye, sir. It's been very nice valeting for you.
Let's do it again soon. - No, wait... Wait!
With you as my brave valet, I can test all my inventions.
No!
Yes. I take the job. - Splendid!
I can't wait to present my results to the Royal Academy!
Fine. Fine. Thank you.
And with this grant to develop new applications for copper wire...
Doctor Ramsey invented this.
Needless to say, the Royal Academy of Science...
declared this crackpot mentally incompetent,
and he was duly dispatched to a lunatic asylum.
Sir, I've an urgent announcement for you. - Well, don't just stand there, man.
Read it. - What? Yes, um...
"It is with great distress...
that Scotland Yard announces that the Bank of England...
has been robbed."
My stolen Jade Buddha... stolen! You blighter! You gave me every assurance
that the Bank of England was impenetrable! - Sir, sir, I said "impregnable".
It's the same thing, you idiot!
Please, not the quills! - Lord Salisbury!
Contact General Fang and inform her: "No Buddha, no deal. "
To forego your obligation would be dishonorable.
A woman in the Royal Academy? - The Jade Buddha was successfully...
delivered by us to the Bank of England. What happens...
while it's in British hands... - Is absolutely your concern.
Colonel Kitchner, Chief of Scotland Yard, please inform General Fang...
what other items were stolen from the Bank of England.
Nothing else. - Exactly. It seems...
your little land dispute has spilled over onto our noble shore.
Until the Jade Buddha is back in my possession,
you and your cause will receive no British military assistance whatsoever.
Kitchner...
My agents will retrieve the Jade Buddha once again, Lord Kelvin.
This time do not let it slip through your fingers.
A female General. What sort of pathetic man...
takes orders from a woman?
Oh!
Come away from here. - Oh, Dad, can't we stay?
My wind-powered pulley system circulates the house with fresh air.
Kitchen items are to be placed on the white boat and the blue is for laundry.
But most importantly, this supplies the house...
with a running current of electricity. - Electricity?
This is my comprehensive daily schedule and list of regulations.
I's quite simple. You're never to divert one iota from my plans.
I must live my life with total efficiency to maximize my inventing capacity,
thus enabling me to do the most I can for mankind.
Mr Fogg, you are a noble, precise gentleman.
Thank you. I'm sorry, what was your name?
Uh... Passport.
Too. - Passport-tout?
Bottled light. A miracle.
Hardly. Just undiscovered science from an American...
named Thomas Edison. - It turns on with a whistle.
Please, don't do that.
I see your eye is drawn to what I hope will one day...
be my crowning achievement. - A giant moth?
It's a flying machine. - It can fly?
Yes.
No. But it will. One day it will transport people through the air.
Perhaps over entire oceans.
Uh, oh. - I think I have to make a rule for this.
"Dear Father. I will find the fastest way back to China...
to make our village safe once again."
Passepartout!
Departure for the Royal Academy of Science in two minutes.
Prepare my Urban Transport Device.
It's the shoes with little wheels on them.
Clear the way! Mr Fogg coming through! Watch out, watch out!
Watch out! Out of the way!
Gangway, gangway! - Fogg's arrived.
It's exactly 10 minutes before noon. - That will be all.
Gentlemen, today I have proved...
that man can break the 50-mile-per-hour speed barrier...
without disrupting his internal organs.
Where is your Royal Academy of Science authorization? Oh, what am I thinking?
What a fool. That would mean that you were a real scientist.
By your definition, Kelvin, a real scientist's objective would be...
to prevent man from progress.
We live in a golden age, Fogg. Everything worth discovering...
has been discovered. Yet ridiculous dreamers like you...
insist on a past filled with "dinosaurs" and "evolution" and on a future...
filled with motorized vehicles,
radio waves and flying machines.
Confound it! The bloody Bank of England is a madhouse.
Rumor has it the man's a foreigner,
an Asian chap.
Nothing. -... an Asian chap.
I heard it was a Chinese fellow, and he acted alone.
Uh, no, actually...
they say he was Norwegian.
In fact, it was a gang of elderly Norwegians.
I heard from a very reliable source that it was a gang of...
red-headed elderly Norwegians with very tiny feet.
Well, if you ask me, it's about time someone robbed that bank.
Like this very institution, the Bank of England is outdated.
As usual, Fogg, your contempt for tradition is appalling.
You rest on your traditions, if you prefer.
But, as with this bank robber, progress waits for no one.
So now you're an expert on the bank thief, as well.
Give us the benefit of your ineffable wisdom, Fogg.
26 minutes ago, a ship left Dover for Paris.
From there, the thief takes the Orient Express, where he transfers...
to a steamer from Istanbul to India. In little over a month,
that man could be in China. - If we're to believe Fogg's calculations,
he will have circled the globe and returned to England in a fortnight.
Actually, by my calculations, it would be closer to exactly...
80 days.
Outstanding idea.
Well then, Fogg, let's see you circumnavigate the world...
in 80 days.
That would be a fruitless use of my time.
I'm on the verge of numerous...
countless scientific breakthroughs. - You coward. Admit it.
It cannot be done. - It can! I could do it.
A wager. 10,000 pounds.
Unlike you and your colleagues, money does not inspire me.
I believe every man has his price.
Even you, oh noble Phileas Fogg.
There must be something I could offer you that would be worthy of your time.
There is. Your position as head of the Royal Academy.
With the Queen's ear, I could lead Britain and the rest of the world...
into a new age of progress and discovery.
Fair enough. - What?
I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow...
to surrender my position as Minister of Science to Phileas Fogg...
if he can circumnavigate the globe...
in no more than 80 days.
But if he cannot,
he must never set foot in this Academy again.
He must tear down that abhorrent eyesore...
he calls a laboratory, and he must swear...
never to invent again.
Just as I always suspected, Fogg.
You promise so much, yet you deliver nothing.
I'll take the wager. - What did you say?
I'll take your wager!
He'll take it?
Then it's done. A man who has never set foot out of England...
circling the globe. This is getting to be rather amusing.
History won't remember your amusements, Lord Kelvin.
But it will be hard-pressed to forget the moment...
I'm standing on the very top step of the Royal Academy of Science...
by the strike of noon, after I, Phileas Fogg,
have traveled around the world in 80 days!
Oh, dear.
Mr Fogg, we're all packed and ready to go. Mr Fogg?
Are you in here?
Mr Fogg, are you well, sir?
Passepartout.
Would you sit with me a moment?
Yes, sir.
I've risked everything. My entire life's work.
For something you believe in.
Nothing could make more sense than that, sir.
You're an honorable man, Passepartout.
But I'm afraid this was a calamitous lapse of judgment.
Mr Fogg? - Yes?
Maybe we should let your family... - There is no one left to tell.
This house and my inventions are all I have.
And a brave new French valet that will help you make it...
around the world in 80 days.
You really believe we can succeed? - Yes.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
You're mad. We'll be sliced to pieces before we reach India.
Halt!
Quite a contraption you got here. - Why, thank you, Inspector.
But I'm afraid I'm going to have to detain you and your valet until further notice.
See, this new doohickey is in violation of the city's new...
vehicle code. - Vehicle code?
Code 431: "All vehicles must be powered by horses...
or other indigenous quadruped creatures of the like.
Excluding giraffes and..." - My good man, you're driveling.
Now, stand aside. I'm about to embark on a journey around the world.
Not in this monstrosity, you're not. No! - That's hot.
It's not. Ah!
Time to go. We have a boat to catch. - Stealing a police vehicle is not...
an acceptable way to begin our journey. - Not stealing. Borrowing.
Excuse us. We're just borrowing this vehicle to catch our ship to Paris.
If someone could inform the appropriate authorities.
Bloody hell! My brain's leakin'!
Damn that nincompoop Fix. What's the point of hiring a corrupt police officer...
if he can't even abuse the law properly? Kitchner!
Tell Inspector Fix to pack his bags. He's going on a little trip.
Retrieve the Jade Buddha in Paris.
As for Lau Xing... kill him!
Smart man. - Passepartout, will you tell...
this impudent fellow that we must leave within 6 1/2 hours, or we will miss...
our connection in Constantinople. - Yes, sir. Please, we're in a hurry.
Passepartout? In French.
Sacre bleu la champagno chateau brion Francois a la oh la la foie de gras.
You imbecile.
What did he say? - He said...
What? - He says not to worry.
The next train will leave in five hours. Good time for sightseeing!
This is a scientific expedition, not a holiday!
I will not miss this train.
Ah. Very amazing. - What? What does it say?
This week only, Eddie Thomason will be showing his new inventions.
Thomas Edison? Here in Paris? - A chance to meet another great inventor.
I would quite like to tell him about my "whistle" modification. - Good idea.
See? An exhibition. Science!
I assure you, these are not the works of Thomas Edison.
I think he's somewhere around here.
Wait a moment. This isn't science!
This is art! - Yeah.
That painting is highly inaccurate. - It's not supposed to be "accurate”.
The artist views reality through imagination,
rather than simply recording it.
It is called Impressionism.
Well... I'm not "impressed”.
Trees aren't violet, grass is not charcoal,
and a man cannot...
fly.
You feel something. You dream of flying.
Or of naked men?
Sometimes.
The flying. Not the men.
I'm glad you like my painting. Monique Larouche. - Phileas Fogg.
Well, it's an awful lot better than these amateurs.
What did he say?
Oh no...
Oh no, not again.
Who is responsible for this vandalism?
It's mine, sir. Does it please you? - Please me?
You want to hang something? Go hang people's coats...
as you were hired to do! - But, sir...
In fact, don't! You're fired!
Leave art to the artist.
Goodness. What was all that about?
A wealthy gentleman bought my painting for a lot of money.
Champagne for everyone!
I'm still looking for Mr Eddie. Nice painting.
Have you ever considered a career in schematic drawing?
No. It would be far too limiting.
At least your work shows genuine promise.
Thank you.
Because I painted many months when I was lacking inspira...
I found some men to help me find Mr Eddiman.
This way! - Thank you! Thank you.
He's very eager.
No, no, no. It's terrible, no?
No. It's... clever.
Yes. He's a clown.
And yet, he's incredibly angry.
The irony's terrifying.
Is that good? - Is it?
This is interesting. But you realize without opposable thumbs,
a dog could never play poker. - Yes, they can.
Now, where have you ever seen a dog playing poker? - Right there.
Perhaps I'm not the best judge.
Bandits! They came to take away all the paintings!
Look out, my paintings!
Quickly! Come this way! - Passepartout!
Go, go, go!
Thank you, Miss Larouche. You may just have saved our trip. - There you are.
I would like to repay you. - Then take me with you.
What? - I'm stifled here.
Pigeonholed. They think of me only as a coat check girl!
Why? - Because I am the coat check girl.
Ah. - Look... the leading art critic in Paris.
Look what he wrote about one of my paintings.
I can't read this. I think it's French. - I wish I couldn't.
Why do you carry it around with you? - So when I do succeed,
I can throw it in his face. But for now, I need a world journey...
to inspire me.
I'm inspired to get us back on schedule.
Let's see. Wind velocity, approximately 12 knots.
Factoring in air density... outstanding!
Passepartout! Onward! Ah.
There we go. Tell him to keep the change.
Ah, Pierre, pate, fromage, Papuan. - We're going around the world in 80 days!
My God! They are mad!
Please, Miss Larouche. The balloon cannot support all this weight.
Your hot air should compensate, no? - Get off! Let go!
What are they doing? - They're being disorderly.
Hey! Let go! Let go! - Hey! Passepartout, my valise!
It has all my money in it!
Hey, lady! Lady! It's my bag! - No, that is my bag!
That's not your bag. It's my bag. - No!
You're crazy. - Yes.
That tickles.
He took my bag. - Mr Fogg!
Good catch! - Thank you!
Those are the gallery bandits!
Oh, yes!
He stole my purse! The scoundrel stole my purse!
My bag!
We've stolen that old lady's purse.
We must help Passepartout! How do I make this go lower?
What are you doing? Decreasing the overall weight won't work.
Yes, it will!
Physics, no? - Yes.
Hai! Ooowww...
Bonjour!
Bye-bye!
Wake up... Wake up, lady!
Wake up, lady! Wake up!
Bye, Mama. Bye, baby. - Miss.
Very impressive! I'd have let go by now.
The statue's grabbing his trousers! - I don't think it's doing it on purpose.
Oh, dear.
Well done. We're still on schedule despite those dogged thieves.
Yes, yes. Thank you.
Those "art thieves" seemed to recognize you.
I look like someone they know. - Some other "Frenchman", perhaps?
So where can we drop you off?
We're not stopping. Once we land in Munich to board the Orient Express,
you are free to go. - Thank you so much.
For what? - For saying I'm free to go with you.
I did not say you were free to come, I said you were free to go.
Where? - Anywhere.
Yes. Thank you. I will go with you. - No, you will not, Miss Larouche.
Monique. - Miss...
Monique! - Monique!
There. Now we are getting along.
Look at the sunrise. There is only one word for it: magical.
Miss Larouche! I refuse to allow you to continue traveling with us.
I'm not traveling with you. I'm making my own way.
Maybe you shouldn't travel with me. - This is what happens...
when you leave your home. You meet... people!
Why are you keeping up this ruse?
Perhaps I'll inform Mr Fogg,
and he and I can speculate together.
A very sacred object was stolen from my village.
I have taken it back.
How incroyable! - For many centuries,
the Jade Buddha has protected my people. It has never left our village...
until now.
Those "art thieves", who are they?
The Black Scorpions. They work for an evil warlord, Fang.
She wants the Buddha, so she can take over my village.
I must return the Jade Buddha to protect Lanzhou.
Mr Fogg is the fastest way.
Perhaps, then, we can help one another.
I will keep your secret. And you, you convince Mr Fogg to allow me...
to travel the world with you.
Keep zis dumkopf in his seat, or we throw him off!
Merely pointing out that if they coordinated...
their coal shoveling technique, they could maximize our speed.
When we reach Constantinople, I suggest you board a train...
we are not on. - Mr Fogg, she must come with us.
And why is that? - We just discovered...
that we are related from the same family.
I'm her father's second cousin's sister on my mother's side.
French.
Monsieur Fogg, if I make the train go faster, can I come with you?
Yes.
I bid you farewell, Miss Larouche.
If there's anything else you'd like, just let us know.
Ah, voila! Champagne with your First Class seats,
Mademoiselle Larouche. - Merci.
Champagne? - No, thank you.
Merci. - Monsieur.
A tea?
Okay!
"How to make English tea."
"Precisely 96 degrees..."
Excuse me, sir.
Fogg's valet! The Jade Buddha!
It is not a Jade Buddha. -Yes, it is!
You're right. But I am not a valet. - Oh, really?
My nose... bloody nose! Let me in!
You're gonna pay for scorchin' my willy!
Now I've got you!
You're under arrest!
Sorry!
Why the devil are we stopping?
Prince Hapi would be honored to have Mr Fogg and his traveling companions...
at his banquet. - How very flattering.
But please inform Prince Hapi we're on a very tight schedule.
Prince Hapi demands it. - Then Prince Hapi...
will have to get accustomed to not getting everything he wants.
It is magnificent! - Mister Fogg, his house is even bigger...
than yours. - His collection! His taste!
It's exquisite! -Yes, it is.
Not good. No. Look. Broken.
And where is his Highness?
The prince is also a talented musician. - I can assure you, if I did nothing...
but lounge about the palace all day, I'd learn to pluck a few notes.
Let's make this brief. I will pose for a few photographs, perhaps wearing...
a turban, holding an atlas... - Mademoiselle.
How magical that our paths should cross. Do you believe in fate?
If that's what you call it when one stops a moving train...
and kidnaps its passengers. - Phileas Fogg. Please forgive me,
but I feel like Aphrodite herself descended to earth.
How does a ravishing woman like you...
I never think when I'm naked. - I do. In the bath.
Yes, well, it's... - No! Don't touch it!
That is my most treasured possession.
I was only pointing. - Don't even point.
Rodin. - Yes.
A Rodin. - Oh.
I've never seen a more beautiful... muscular form.
I can assure you, I'm in much better shape now.
Incroyable! It's a sculpture of you! - Yes.
"Happy Birthday. Your pal, Rodin." - Come, my dear.
Let us dine. - Yes.
Mr Fogg, please join us. - Sorry. We are on a very tight schedule.
We will join you, actually. But just one drink.
After the Duke and the Duchess sat down in the bath, I realized...
I forgot to put on my bathing suit.
I'm such a fool, always embarrassing myself...
in front of visiting dignitaries. But you know how that can be, right, Phil?
Uh, yes.
It's "Phileas", actually. - So, Foggy,
I heard you're an inventor. - I try to think of new ways...
to better mankind, if that's what you mean.
I'm not an inventor, but I did develop a new way of irrigating dry land,
so that no one in my kingdom ever has to be hungry.
Mr Fogg invented "wheelie shoes".
Not now, Passepartout.
Oh. Mmm.
Miss Larouche? - Mmm?
It is mesmerizing the way your face illuminates.
Her discoloration could be an allergic reaction...
or a mild form of hives.
Although I've noticed a certain glow about her complexion...
when she's drawing.
And sometimes when she's concentrating on her latest work...
her ears will actually flutter.
It's rather fetching. - Well, guess who else was in this bath?
U. S. President Rutherford B Hayes.
Shouldn't we be going now? We have a schedule to keep.
Thank you for your hospitality. - It's been absolutely fascinating,
but I'm afraid we must push on. - The gentlemen are free to go.
But Miss Larouche stays here with me to be my wife.
Yes. Wife number seven.
You have seven wives? - One for each day of the week.
This is absolutely ridiculous. - No more talk!
Prince Hapi has spoken.
Well, we did say "one drink". Passepartout, we're leaving.
I can tell when we're not wanted.
Monsieur Fogg!
Will Tuesdays work for you? - Goodbye!
Thank you!
No!
Halt! Or Hapi gets smashed!
Please! Anything but my statue of me!
Miss Larouche, please join us.
All of you, drop your weapons. - Do as he says!
Get in the tent. - Everybody!
Let's go! Come on!
Now, take off your clothes and...
I assure you the statue is not armed... harmed, in any way. In fact,
it's completely...
Get them!
His arm!
Thank you, Phileas. That was very heroic. - Yes, and needlessly time-consuming.
This is exactly why I should never have let you come along.
Kill them! I want my arm back!
No!
Sir, I've received a telegram from Inspector Fix.
According to him, the bank thief and Fogg's valet are the same man.
That numbskull Fogg doesn't even realize he's transporting the bank thief.
Or does he? He did leave town in quite a hurry,
wouldn't you say, Lord Rhodes? - Indeed, Lord Salisbury.
Evading arrest and stealing a police vehicle...
sounds rather incriminating to me. - One can almost deduce...
this entire bet was merely a ruse to facilitate his escape.
Don't you agree, Lord Kelvin? - Yes. Brilliant, Lord Salisbury!
I shall name a beef-related entrée after you. Kitchner?
Inform your men in Scotland Yard that Phileas Fogg is without a doubt...
the man who robbed the Bank of England! Where are they now?
They're taking a train across India, from Bombay to Calcutta.
Thank God we own India. - I want their faces posted...
in every police station, army barracks, post office, railway station...
and outhouse in India. We're going to stop Fogg and get my Jade Buddha back
by any means necessary!
Agra is where we will capture them.
Intercept them at Agra. Carry on, Colonel!
Alright, fall in!
Fall in, on the double!
And they were the greatest Kung Fu boxers, the Ten Tigers of Canton.
Brothers in arms, they fought to keep order...
and justice in China. The famous of the Ten Tigers is Wong Fei Hung.
It's salivating on these. Is this your goat?
Did they really fight like tigers? - Each tiger had his own...
animal fighting style. The tiger!
Snake!
Where are my steam pressure calculations? The goat!
Passepartout, I'm being attacked by a ferocious animal! Smell the hooves.
Sorry, Mr Fogg. - Please keep that inconsiderate beast...
away from me. And refrain from your ridiculous anecdotes.
Why do you not like his story, Mr Frog? - It's Fogg. Phileas Fogg.
How can man learn to defend himself by watching animals...
behave like... animals? - It is a famous legend.
A ridiculous legend.
Most legends are born from truth.
Yes, but all truths are born from facts. Solid, tangible facts...
that can be calculated and written down on paper.
And then eaten by a goat.
Mister Feelsillious, when I tell the story of the man...
who circled the entire world in 80 days, would that not be a legend?
Only if the man's name was "Feelsillious Frog".
What the blazes is it now?
Get back inside! Come on! Good...
Find these men! - Uh, oh.
Time to go. They seem to think we robbed the Bank of England.
Preposterous! This is merely an attempt by Lord Kelvin to impede my journey.
I am a British citizen. I have nothing to fear.
Except bullets.
Seen these men?
Any word on the bank thieves, sir? - They were spotted on the train.
Keep your rifles at the ready. - They won't get past us, sir!
Ladies, have you seen these two men? Look closely.
They're very dangerous.
They're everywhere! This is not going to work. Stay calm.
Just act like ladies. - Not a problem.
It'll never work. I feel faint. - Phileas, women are not that weak.
No, but I am.
Hello, darling. What can I do for you?
Wait a minute! Oh!
What are you doing? This is no time to sleep. - Stop!
Go, go, go! Get us out of Agra quickly!
Passepartout, we did it!
Hey! Wrong way!
Phileas! No!
Run, Passepartout!
Fogg's valet! I have him! - What are you doing?
Now I've got you! Hand over the Jade Buddha.
Help! You're under arrest!
Watch my plums!
See? Now you made him very mad! Let's go!
Stop or I'll arrest you as well!
Run!
Which way? - Down!
Not yet!
Jump!
Go, go, go! - What's upsetting him?
He also wants the Jade Buddha! - Then give it to him!
Phileas, wake up! - Please, please, you must go.
My husband will be home soon. - Phileas.
Phileas! Help! - Fear not! I'll protect you!
I'm here, my dear. That stumble was simply to buy me time.
This cane is not what it appears.
If I press this button, it will deploy a weapon...
far deadlier than yours.
This is... a strange knife.
Isn't it a sextant?
Yes.
Are you alright, my dear? - Phileas, it was so enlightening.
You'd better put this on.
Perhaps I should wear women's clothing more often.
We should run. - What, now?
Yes, we should run.
Break down the door! - Ok!
No, no! Not on my brains!
Give me that Jade Budd-air! - Ok. What's a Budd-air?
Get ready to jump! Now!
It is him! The Englishman who robbed the Bank of England!
He's escaping in that palki-gharrie!
They'll check all trains heading east.
Even if we make it to the coast, we can't sail into Singapore...
or even Hong Kong. They're both British colonies.
Does England own everything in Asia? - Not China. Not yet.
Passepartout?
You look troubled. - I cannot keep lying to Mr Fogg.
You did what you had to. The fate of your village...
is of far greater importance than any bet Phileas has made.
If he loses, all it will cost him is some money and pride.
No. Mr Fogg will lose much more than that.
What do you mean?
My village!
Your village?
I mean... "My, what a village!" - Oh, it's beautiful!
We do need to stop and re-supply, but we must be off by morning.
Ah, Lau Xing.
Lau Xing. - Lau Xing.
Lau Xing, you have returned!
Goodness, that's quite a welcome. Do these people know him?
It must be their custom, the way they welcome all strangers. Lau Xing!
Lau Xing!
Children, please give my friends the same greeting.
My son, you are home!
Lau Xing.
Lau Xing!
Who is that man?
He's my valet. - I am so proud of you.
My son has a valet! How happy I am!
We must celebrate that Lau Xing has returned.
His valet will cook a big feast for us.
Oh, it's beautiful. You are very talented.
Thank you. You need more blue.
Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Sorry?
Vile.
Absolutely vile.
Welcome home, Lau Xing.
Your brothers will be proud.
The whole notion of a lighter-than-air craft cannot work,
unless you can harness the power of helium or hydrogen, which...
Yes, well, I couldn't have put it better myself.
Is the association with the Englishman wise? - He's the most...
disciplined man I've ever met.
The crane!
The monkey! Oh, thank you.
The snake!
And of course, the eagle!
Phileas?
Phileas, I made this for you. - Oh, yes.
Oh, that's very, very good. Yes. What does this say?
"Stupid."
You have returned our sacred Buddha.
It has brought hope back to our village.
Drink!
Thanks to your courageous efforts... - Drink!
I believe I've had quite enough. I'm just... I'm just... I've...
Thanks to your courageous efforts... We will live in peace and...
Drink!
Thanks to your courageous efforts... We will live in peace and harmony.
And for that we are eternally grateful! Drink!
I'm going to be abominably ill.
I... I want to die.
Please kill me.
"Dear Father, I will find the fastest way to China. "
Mr Fogg, I was going to tell you.
This is your family. - My name's not Passepartout.
It's Lau Xing. I robbed the Bank of England.
You robbed the Bank of England? - Not for gold or money,
but for the Jade Buddha. It was stolen from our village.
He had no other choice. This was his only way to get home.
You knew about this? - Well...
I have nothing but respect for you, Mr Fogg.
Then respect my deductive reasoning. You have both used me,
you to escape to China, and you to travel the world...
to further your Impressionistic humbug.
Your overtures of comradeship or friendship or...
All of it was just a means to ensure I would take you along.
My entire life, I got along splendidly by myself. You've been nothing more...
than pebbles in my shoes, slowing me down, endangering my life! All of it was just...
a means to ensure I would take you along. Risking everything I've ever lived for!
And you...
You knew that.
Don't let him go. He'll be lost by midnight. Go!
More of your relatives, I suppose.
You can just forget about a reference.
I beg a thousand pardons, Mr Fogg.
What's he screaming about? - He is saying "Please let me go.
I am bored."
Why is he imprisoned?
Urinating in public. - Charming.
At least he had the decency to be forthcoming about it. Is there anything...
you've told me that's even remotely true? - I really can sing.
Frére Jacques, frére Jacques,
dormez-vous, dormez-vous?
Sonnez les matinee, sonnez les matinee,
ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. - Ding, dang, dong, Passepartout.
Ding, dang, dong. Look!
Oh, good. Here comes Mister Grumpy and the Leatherettes.
Where is the Jade Buddha? - You are better off killing me.
You have nerve. But are your comrades so brave?
Your threats don't frighten me. Nor does your silly bracelet.
Alright. It's not silly. - I spit on you!
France spits on you! Vive Lanzhou!
Your turn will come soon enough. - Coward! Leave them alone.
Fight me. - Yes. Fight him.
Let's see how ferocious you really are.
Hey, that's cheating!
Look out! There!
Behind you!
No! Take them!
Silence!
You savages!
Phileas, help him! - Watch out on the right!
No, my right. - Stop helping me!
Sorry. - What's happening? Where is Passepartout?
How is he getting on? - I wouldn't say he's winning,
but I think he's doing alright.
Go home to Mama.
What took you so long? - I had to finish my lunch.
Wong Fei Hung. Surely you are not foolish enough to take on...
all my men by yourself.
Ten Tigers!
Kill them!
Execute the prisoners! I want their heads on pikes!
What time is it, Phileas?
Passepartout... knife!
Merci. - You're welcome.
Promise me the Black Scorpions will never come back to Lanzhou.
These are my brothers and sisters: The Ten Tigers.
But there are only nine. - Including me.
They're real. The legend was true.
Mr Fogg... - Passepartout, or whatever your name is,
save your apologies. - Phileas, he risked his life...
for what he believes in. If anyone understands that, you do.
Please ensure Miss Larouche gets home safely.
This should be adequate.
Oh... I... believe this is your veil.
I will never dress like a woman again.
Ever. - Mr Fogg...
Please let me help you win your bet.
I have secured the services of a more reliable gentleman.
Give me a minute. - You never learn!
Yes, well, perhaps I'll just... travel alone.
Ah. The most modern city in the world.
Finally... civilization.
Excuse me? Pardon me? Can anyone direct me...
to the Pacific Railroad Station?
I'm so sorry, sir. I'm such a rutabaga sometimes.
Oh, no, no. Please. It's my fault entirely. Let me...
Oh Lord, I think I sprained my knee.
I should find you a physician. - There's a kind old doctor...
who has an office just around the corner. - Excellent. I'll get him for you. Yes.
Thank you. There should be more people like you in this world.
Woo-doggie! Jackpot!
Mon Dieu! Can you imagine Phileas alone in a place like this?
I'm sure he's fine.
Alms.
Alms for the poor.
Arms? You already got arms.
It's money you need. - I can't even scrounge proficiently.
Hey, cheer up, pal.
You've just got to figure out what'll work for you.
What makes you different from them?
I am hungry and miserable. - No.
You stink. Now, your stink is your most powerful weapon...
in your begging arsenal. Watch this.
Hey! Give me some money, please. - Sure, fella. Just don't touch me.
You stink! That guy smells like a dead horse!
I'm not proud of it. It's simple, yet effective.
I see. - You try. Go on. I've got faith in you.
Excuse me.
I'm not gonna lie to you. That's gonna happen about half the time.
Here. It's a volume business.
Hunk of cheese? - Oh, yes. I would rather...
Maybe later.
What are those drawings? You're some kind of devil worshipper?
Don't you be putting a hex on me! I'll cut you!
I'm an inventor. - That's nice.
Or rather, I was.
And one day I will build a machine that will allow men to fly.
Flying men? Where?
Nowhere.
Where are the flying men? - They're over there.
The birdmen are coming! Hey, Louie! The birdmen are coming!
The bird... birdmen! Birdmen! Bird...
"I traveled the world for inspiration and found it in a man...
who lives what he dreams."
Phileas? - Fogg!
Passepartout! Monique!
Mr Fogg!
You crossed the Pacific Ocean... for me?
We will help you win your bet. - Mr Fogg, I will never let you down.
Why would you do this? - Because you are our friend.
And perhaps more.
More with her. You and me, we just stay good friends.
Oh!
Lord Kelvin, I can offer you something much more precious...
than a single Jade Buddha. Beneath Lanzhou...
are a series of untapped Jade reserves. If the town were to be overrun,
those reserves would be ours. - I see.
However, should Phileas Fogg win this race, I'll have neither the power...
nor the means to hand over any arsenal.
Then I will see to it personally that Mr Fogg's journey is cut short.
Very well. Let us consider our deal to be...
Still, it's a first-rate idea, sir. - What's this thing here,
blocking my Jade reserves? That will certainly have to be demolished.
But that is the Great Wall of China, sir.
It's not that great.
Passepartout went to get help hours ago.
What if he's lost or... - Don't fret, my dear.
Passepartout's a keen warrior with impeccable survival instincts.
I have no doubt he will return with help, and we will board our train in Reno...
with time to spare. - Agua!
Perhaps I'm being a little optimistic. Help! Help!
Help us! - A rattlesnake! We're going to die!
Help! - I don't want to...
Good morning.
Howdy. - Hey, crazy English "cowboy wannabe" man.
How's about goin' and bein' crazy some place else?
You're blocking the damn path. - Wilbur, it's him.
I'll be damned.
Mr Fogg, my name is Orville Wright. This is my brother, Wilbur.
We're big fans of yours. - Well, fan's a strong word.
We got a lot of money riding on you to win your bet. You gonna win it?
We'll use our winnings to build this. - Orville, maybe now's not the time.
Let me explain it to Mr Fogg. One second. You gotta forgive my brother.
He's got his head up in the clouds. He's one of these sad little dreamers.
Thinks one day man's gonna go swooshing around the planet...
like a hummingbird flying through the air. We're all gonna fly, Orv!
He thinks so, too. It's really sad. I'm sorry. He's kind of a moron.
He's mastered the cable steering system! The drag and lift ratio!
This is brilliant! - That's what I've been saying,
but Orville doesn't listen to me! I've always said that about mastering.
You gotta have faith in me, no matter how crazy big brother's dreams sound.
But you told me never to... - I said you've gotta speak up.
Excuse me, gentlemen. Have you come across our friend on your way here?
Now, wait. Who're we looking for? I notice everything. - Passepartout.
You mean the crazy half-naked Chinese guy we saw running around?
Singing "Frere Jacques"? - Yeah. He had a cow skull on his head?
Possibly. - He's in the back of our wagon.
Passepartout! You're alive! - Is that you, Grandma?
Goodbye! - Go win the bet!
No pressure, but you've got to win it!
Now, you see, to get the real classy dames, you gotta invent stuff.
I did. - I did? What's with the "I did"?
We're The Wright Brothers. We did. Go.
Fogg, never gonna make it, never gonna make it!
New York! New York! - So much to see, so little time!
Our steamer for England leaves in ten minutes! - Go, go!
We're never going to make it! - Phileas Fogg?
Would you autograph this for me, please? It's for the wife. - Certainly.
This business about me robbing the Bank of England...
I'm from Ireland. Nice going.
The boat? Alright, come on, follow me. I know a shortcut.
Make a lane!
Where are we?
That's a big man! - It is a lady! A French lady.
She looks like an evil Chinese warlord to me.
Your journey has caused quite a stir. But I'm afraid...
it ends here. - Leave them alone, Fang.
This has nothing to do with them. - On the contrary, Lau Xing.
Lord Kelvin and I have made new arrangements to conquer Lanzhou.
Unfortunately for Mr Fogg, they entail...
his permanent detour. - I knew Kelvin was duplicitous,
but to align himself with such a little scoundrel...
Alright, you're not a scoundrel! But you are quite small!
As in petite. But most definitely lethal...
and generally very scary.
1, 2...
Go! - 3!
Go up there! - Stop them!
Passepartout! My cane!
There.
Passepartout! Help! We are trapped!
Ouch.
Help!
Passepartout!
There you are!
There's a knife in your right buttock!
It's the evil Chinese warlord!
She is coming!
The boat!
Up there! Hurry! Go!
Go, Mr Fogg! There's not much time!
Wait! What am I thinking? Passepartout can't defeat them...
all by himself. He's nine Tigers short.
Phileas, I do believe you are becoming the man of my dreams.
When this is over, let's hope the arms and legs of the man of your dreams...
are still attached to the torso... of the man of your dreams.
You have failed to stop him. - Then your death will have to suffice.
Let go of me! - The book! It's going to fall!
How can we save... Phileas? - I will save him!
Get her! Mr Fogg!
Passepartout.
Passepartout! You're alive! Are you injured?
Rules are made to be broken.
Or stabbed by a spiky shoe.
Mr Fogg, you missed the ship. You will lose your bet.
Well, at least I didn't lose a friend.
You must be the eleventh Tiger.
Meow.
Let's go. We must catch the next ship.
It would never reach London in time.
No, no! We are not giving up!
I almost died! You almost died! We take next ship...
and win that bet!
Very well. Let's go.
Yes. - Yes.
Thank you.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I's no use. By those calculations, I'm still behind by...
one day. - There must be some way!
Phileas Fogg on my boat? What an honor, sir!
I have quite a penny wagered on you. The wife's not too happy about it.
Then again, she hasn't cracked a smile since the day...
that shark almost devoured me. Got 'em both in one bite.
It's Inspector Fix! My goodness!
He made it around the world before Fogg!
I came back from India the short way, you ninny!
I take it you don't have Phileas Fogg in that valise.
A little Jade Buddha, perhaps?
Mr Fogg? I'm sorry to say we've burnt the last of the coal.
But I've had a word with the crew...
and all of them have agreed to burn their shoes.
I appreciate that, but we're not even close.
We've gained a mere six hours. Even shoes cannot help us now.
There must be something we can do.
That's it. I've got it.
Birds! - Excellent idea! We'll burn birds!
No. We'll fly to London! we'll simply follow the laws of physics,
mastered by the birds millennia ago, and combine it...
with the Wright Brothers' ingenious cable steering system.
Most people would laugh at you. But not us.
We care about you.
Captain, I'm afraid I have to ask permission to dismantle your ship
to build this flying machine. - Dismantle Carmen?
But she's my livelihood, my most loyal companion! Never, never!
What if I could direct you to an impeccable physician who could replace...
both your nipples at my expense? And I will give you enough money...
to buy a brand new ship.
You had me at the nipples. Cornelius, fetch my tool kit now!
I'll go sharpen the propeller.
Wrong way. Not looking.
The Greenwich Time Zone. The last time I shall set my watch ahead.
Shall we fly? - Let's.
Mr Fogg...
Inspiring words. Very well.
Prepare for take-off. - Yes, sir.
Mr Fogg, are you sure? - No!
How the hell are we getting back?
Now!
You did it, Phileas! We are flying!
My God, it's...
It's magical! - Better than your dreams?
Better than my dreams. - Hey! Don't forget to steer!
It's...
a telegram from General Fang, sir.
We're going to make it!
Is this alright? - It's exactly like a dream I had.
You dreamed of winning the race? - No, of crashing to my death.
Don't worry. I'm gonna get it.
Look up there! It's a flying machine!
Don't step on the wing!
Sir, rumor has it that a flying machine is heading for the Royal Academy,
our bike thief at the pedals. - Some people will believe anything.
A flying machine is heading towards the Royal Academy!
The bike thief is pedaling! - See what I mean?
Well done, Passepartout!
The wing ropes!
Just a minor setback! Another minor setback!
Alright, this is a major setback.
A flying machine is heading for the Royal Academy of Science,
and witnesses swear that it's Fogg at the controls...
Go faster, Passepartout! - We're losing altitude!
Landing gear? - That would have been an excellent idea!
The birdmen are coming!
I will not lose this wager!
He's not to reach the top step! Get the police! Here!
I want Phileas Fogg arrested the moment his feet touch British soil!
Stupid! You're hurting my ear!
Passepartout, get back in your seat! We're going to return to the ground.
Stop, Kitchner! Hold your ground!
Why are they all fleeing?
Coward!
You have to make it to the top step! - Ah, New Zealand. We didn't go there.
Top step! - Arrest them!
They robbed the Bank of England! - Nonsense!
Where is your proof? - This is the Royal Academy of Science!
We don't need to prove anything! Besides,
by the time you get out of jail, you'll have lost the wager.
Noon. - We did our best.
Get out of my way! I used to be somebody important!
I should have thrown him through a higher window.
Get rid of this buffoon! - Buffoon? This is the thanks...
I get for goin' halfway 'round the world to stop Fogg for you?
He also sent a Chinese warlord to kill Phileas Fogg!
That's true! He did! - Lies!
All of it!
Kitchener! - Yes?
Tell them! - Uh, well... um, the thing of it is...
Mumbling moron. Salisbury, translate Kitchner's...
incoherent blather. -1... he, I... Yes!
Rhodes! - Uh, the thing of it is...
I don't want to make a fuss about... - You spineless cretins!
That man stuck me with quills! - What?
Bunches of them. - Yes! Lord Kelvin's a bully!
It is true! I hate to admit it, but I'm a battered Lord!
Boo hoo!
So what if I did try to kill Phileas Fogg?
What are you gutless peons going to do about it! I hold all the power!
I run everything! So which of you halfwits is going to stop me?
You? You? You?
The Queen! - The Queen?
Oh, the Queen!
That inbred antiquated old cow.
The only way she could stop me is if she sat on me...
with her big, fat Royal bottom!
She's behind me, isn't she?
Your Majesty, I have just apprehended the culprits...
who robbed the Bank of England. - No, Majesty! It's not true!
Quiet!
I love being able to do that.
So, Lord Kelvin, unsportsmanlike conduct...
attempted murder, trading my arsenal for Buddhas...
How did you know about that? I never said...
Admit it! You've been a naughty boy, haven't you?
Yes!
Your Majesty, there is an explanation for all of this.
What it was... I was...
I was simply...
Why do they always run? Arrest him!
Unhand me! Don't you know who I am?
I am no Phileas Fogg!
So is this Phileas Fogg's miraculous flying invention?
Your Majesty, we all invented it.
I'm very impressed. And that doesn't happen often.
Thank you. - But still we failed...
to help Phileas win his bet. I'm sorry, Phileas.
Don't be, ma chérie. I saw the world.
I learned of new cultures, I flew across an ocean.
I wore women's clothing,
Made a friend,
Fell in love. Who cares if I lost a wager?
I do! I've got twenty quid riding on you.
But Your Majesty, it is past twelve noon. - Correct.
Which gives you 24 hours remaining. - Could we have miscounted?
No. I moved Mr Fogg's watch ahead one hour...
as we passed each time zone.
The International Date Line! We set our watches forward at 24 time zones,
so here it's still... day 79!
So we've... - We've won!
We've won!
We've won! Thank God!
Your Majesty, I apologize. Do forgive me. I quite forgot myself.
Go and win your bet, Mr Fogg.
Mr Fogg, I shall need a new Minister of Science.
Of course, Your Majesty.
Shall we? - Yes.
Go!
Yes! We won! - We won!
Well done.
Go ahead.
Oh!